Hey guys!

Surprise! Bet you didn't expect an update this soon lol. Please don't get used to it. I just happened to finish this chapter early.

It's a bit of an angsty chapter in places because Carol's inner demons are out in full force here. There are also mentions of Leah and Connie in this chapter. I don't think you'll be bothered by the way they are discussed but I felt I should warn you just in case. I know some people are extra touchy about them.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy this one. It has plenty of sweetness to counteract the negativity.

Lying in the sleeping bag with Carol felt different this time. This time, Daryl knew she loved him. This time he knew she wanted him. There were no more walls between them, not really. There was no longer that ambiguity that hiding their feelings had caused.

As he lay there, Daryl tried to remind his body that they were going slow. That anything more than holding her was off the cards right now. Regardless, it still perked up at being surrounded by Carol and her intoxicating warmth and smell.

It wasn't like it was the first time he'd been embarrassingly hard in Carol's presence. It wouldn't be the first time she would be aware of it either. Whenever they slept together, it was inevitable that his body would react to her. Back then, he was able to brush it off as a natural bodily reaction or morning wood and she had been extremely practical about it. She had never seemed to suspect that it had anything to do with her. That excuse was definitely not going to fly this time.

"Well, at least I don't have to wonder if you really want me," Carol's voice came soon enough.

He'd known she would notice and part of him had known she wouldn't ignore it either. Not when they were—so he assumed—together. Still, he felt just as embarrassed as he had all those other times when he'd pulled away from her. There was a part of him that felt like pulling away now but he ignored it. He wasn't going to run from this. He was going to grit his teeth and face it so they could get past it.

"Your fault," he mumbled, not really meaning to say it at all. Carol giggled and he found himself not regretting the words—not if they pulled that sound from her. She hadn't laughed enough in recent times—for good reason—and he missed it.

"I wasn't complaining," Carol said with amusement still in her voice. "It's definitely an ego boost."

Did she need an ago boost? She had to know how goddamn gorgeous she was. Surely the King had told her enough when they were married. He damn well should have, at least.

"Shouldn't need no ego boost, woman," he said, curling his arm around her back and running his hand up and down her spine. "You're beautiful."

He felt her shifting about and turned his head to see her holding herself up above him and damn, if that wasn't a sight for sore eyes. It also caused his pants to become even tighter. If he let his dirty mind wander, it wouldn't be too hard to imagine her in an entirely different scenario where she was above him. He forced those thoughts away though. That was definitely not 'slow'.

"What?" he asked, taking in the way she was looking down at him. The moonlight leaking into the tent illuminated her face enough that he could see the insecurity shining in her eyes.

"You know you don't have to say things like that," she said quietly. "I know I'm not much to look at now. Never have been really."

Daryl frowned at her words. He hated that tone of her voice and hated that she saw herself that way. She had always been beautiful to him and maybe stupidly, he had just assumed she had known it too. How couldn't she when it was so clear to him? Apparently, that wasn't the case at all.

"I don't gotta say nothin'," he replied with vehemence. "I said you're beautiful 'cause you are. Always have been."

"Daryl…" she started but he knew it would be another protest so he cut her off.

"I ain't lyin' to you," he vowed. "I wouldn't. Not about somethin' like this. Thought you were beautiful from the moment I saw you."

A sceptical look took hold of her then.

"That can't be true," she argued with a shake of her head. "I was hardly on your radar when we first knew each other. I don't think you ever even really looked at me until after Sophia went missing."

"I told you tonight that I wanted to talk to you. Wanted to help you," he reminded her with some exasperation. She huffed.

"That's different," she said. "You pitied me."

He narrowed his eyes and sat up. She stumbled a little at his unexpected move and he reached out and caught her by the waist to steady her.

"I didn't pity you," he said honestly. "Hell, if I'm being really honest, the whole reason I cared so damn much was 'cause I thought you were pretty."

God, that sounded so stupid. Made him sound like some little boy with a crush. It was true though. He hadn't accepted it then. He'd just convinced himself that he felt bad for her and for her kid, but he had noticed her more than he had wanted to.

Maybe any other guy wouldn't have thought she was pretty back then, with her shaved head and frumpy, ill fitting clothes. He had noticed that about the men he had come to know over the years. They seemed to like the superficial things like long hair, curved bodies and form fitting clothes. Not that he doubted they cared about the women underneath all that, but those surface things seemed to be the things that got them interested.

With him, it was different. He had seen behind her soulful, mostly sad, blue eyes and saw beauty. He had seen her strength—a strength she hadn't seemed to know she possessed—and her heart. She cared more than someone in her situation probably should have. Despite what she endured from her husband, she never stopped caring. Never stopped looking out for her little girl. That had been absolutely beautiful to him.

"You really thought I was pretty then?" Carol asked with an unreadable look.

"Always think you're pretty," he replied. "Beautiful," he corrected. That suited her better. Carol worried her lower lip in her teeth and looked hesitant.

"You know she likes you," she said. Daryl frowned at the turn in conversation. Who the hell was 'she'?

"Huh?" he said, confused beyond belief. "Who likes me?"

"Carol," she clarified. He could detect an almost bitterness in her tone.

"The other you?" he asked, knowing it was true.

"If you wanted, you could be with her," Carol said with sad eyes. "She would be good for you."

A sickness started to build in his stomach. Was she actually trying to pawn him off onto her younger self?

"And you wouldn't be?" he asked, a challenge in his voice. He wanted to know what the hell he was dealing with here. He watched her shrug.

"I think it's obvious that I'm not," she replied weakly.

"Not to me," he argued, wondering how the hell they had gotten here.

"Come on, Daryl, you just said, you think she's pretty," she said with a slightly hysterical tone.

"I said I think you're pretty," he reminded her. Carol shook her head, not looking placated.

"She's here now," she continued. "The 'me' you fell for. Don't you want her?"

Daryl frowned, starting to think he knew what this was all about. She felt inferior to her younger self. It amazed him to realise it. He had thought all of her animosity towards her past self had been because of her staying with Ed and not protecting Sophia well enough on that highway. Now, it occurred to him that she was harbouring some unhealthy feelings of jealousy towards Carol.

"The 'you' I fell for is right here in front of me," he pointed out, needing to make it clear that he had no problem differentiating them. "All I want is you. I don't see why that's so hard for you to accept."

"Because why would you?" Carol replied helplessly. "I'm toxic Daryl. I ruin everything. Everyone I get close to dies. Sophia, Lizzie, Mika, Sam… Henry," her voice broke on the utterance of her son's name.

"You can't believe that," he said even while knowing that she did. He hated that she placed that weight on herself when none of it was her fault.

"Of course I do. I was supposed to look after them and I failed," she cried with wet lashes. She took in a deep breath and seemed to find some kind of resolve. "That's besides the point. Carol could give you what I can't."

"What's that?" he challenged, unable to believe the conversation he was having.

"Everything. She's younger and sweet," Carol started to list, hardly seeming like she knew he was there anymore, her eyes were so vacant. "She certainly hasn't got blood on her hands. She's weak but she's not a bad person. Not like me."

Daryl's throat felt tight and he could feel tears pricking at his own eyes. Her negativity—negativity that he didn't doubt she had been nurturing inside all these years—being revealed was overwhelming to him. Not because he couldn't handle her unloading it on him. It was because he hadn't even known she was feeling this way about herself. He had known on some level that she disliked herself and her actions but he had never expected this outright hatred.

"Please stop," he begged quietly. Too quietly, apparently because she didn't stop. She seemed to be blinded by her own mind in this moment.

"You deserve better," she said tearfully, her cheeks wet now. "You deserve someone who can make you happy."

"You make me happy," he tried, attempting to cut through her self hatred. It didn't work because she shook her head, letting out a sob.

"I can't," she said, gasping a little as she seemed to fight off more tears. "There's too much darkness in me."

Jesus. Did she think he was a damn ball of sunshine and happiness? He had plenty of darkness inside too. Probably give her a run for her money.

"Got darkness too."

"You haven't killed a child," she retorted with a trembling lower lip.

He sighed at the reminder of the awful thing she had been forced to do. It wasn't fair that she had to carry that weight. He knew it was a crass thought but there was a part of him that was furious at Tyreese for making her take on that responsibility alone. If it had been Daryl in the man's place, he was quite sure he would have shouldered that burden for her.

"No, I haven't," he agreed. "Don't mean I ain't done shit that's fucked up. Don't make you darkness incarnate either."

"Doesn't it?" she asked with a shrug. A thought seemed to occur to her then as she looked down. "I can't even give you what you deserve."

"What I deserve?" he asked with a frown, trying to get a grasp on where she was going with this. "The hell do you think I deserve?"

"A family," she breathed with a still quivering lower lip. "You would be an amazing father and I can never give you that."

Jesus Fucking Christ. He brought a hand over his face, taking a deep breath. Now they were talking about kids? This conversation was a damn whirlwind.

Before the turn, Daryl had hated to be around kids. For one thing, he hadn't known what the hell to do with himself around them. The primary reason though, was that it just served to remind him how shit his own childhood had been. Seeing kids happy and playing made something sting deep down inside him.

He had gotten over that as the years went by. It was almost the opposite case now. He liked kids. They were sweet, painfully honest and smarter than he had ever given them credit for. Being around Judith, RJ and Lydia had also done wonders for soothing his ravaged soul after Rick's demise. The prospect of having his own though...

"I don't know why you think I need that so damn much, but I don't," he told her. "I like kids just fine but I ain't never wanted none of my own. Too much bad blood, you know? I'd never risk somethin' like that."

He had sworn to himself a long time ago that he would never have kids. He never wanted to become like his father and subject an innocent soul to what he had suffered. While he could never picture himself hurting a child, the fear of the possibility was enough for him.

"You would never hurt your children, Daryl," Carol replied, easily picking up on his fears. Her tone was sad but understanding.

"Don't matter 'cause I ain't havin' none," he reiterated firmly.

Her faith in him soothed him a little but he was resolved in his decision. There would be no more Dixon's arriving in this world. That damn blood line could end and do the universe a favour.

"But…" Carol tried.

"Nah," he cut her off. "Only thing I need is you. You're family enough for me."

It was true. The prospect of spending the rest of his life with Carol—providing he didn't do something to fuck it up along the way—made him feel hopeful for the future for the first time in years.

"Are you sure about that?" she asked with wide, wet eyes. "Really sure? Because it's not just Carol you could have. Leah is still out there somewhere. Connie too…"

Oh, for the love of god, he thought to himself, feeling a headache coming on. He should have seen this coming really. For the last few months before they came back in time, she had been hounding him about Connie. Dropping hints that he had pointedly ignored.

He should have expected her to bring up Leah too. When he had told her about her, he had been deliberately vague. It had honestly felt weird talking about the situation to Carol. He had felt like he had been violating her somehow because he had tried to stick some other woman in her place in his heart. He hadn't understood it at the time but he had noticed that she had seemed oddly hurt in the aftermath of his confession. Now, it made sense.

"I told you it weren't like that with Connie," he said in a frustrated tone, hoping it was the last time he had to say it. "And I don't want Leah either."

Carol frowned at him.

"Daryl, you loved her."

God, she really thought that, didn't she? It was his fault. Like he had said, he hadn't told her all that much. She had obviously came to her own conclusions. He supposed it didn't help that he had been a right misery when he had told her that Leah was gone. He had never mentioned that his mood was due to his failing hope of finding Rick, rather than the loss of the woman in his life.

"No, I didn't," he replied, knowing now that he needed to explain the 'Leah' thing after all. "I tried. Thought I could make it happen but it never did. She knew it too, that's why she left me."

"I thought…" she started, looking at him with wide eyes.

"What? That it was some damn epic love story?" he asked, unable to help the sarcasm colouring his words. "Well, it wasn't. I was using her."

Carol blinked and furrowed her brow.

"Using her?"

"She…" he broke off with a sigh. This was a pathetic thing to admit to. "She reminded me of you," he uttered quietly, ducking his head a little. Carol's eyes widened again.

"Me?"

He nodded, his insides squirming as he got ready to reveal just how pathetic he was.

"You were gone. Hid yourself away in a kingdom like a damn princess in a tower," he started, looking away from her because he had to for the sake of his sanity. "So, I tried to forget you at first. Tried to focus on finding Rick and not think about anythin' else. Didn't help that you kept showin' up at my camp."

Because he knew already how she would take that, he quickly hurried to reassure her.

"Liked it though. When you'd show up, it'd be the highlight of my damn month," he told her. "But then you'd leave and I'd go back to trying to forget again."

He took a breath.

"So, when this woman showed up," he continued, finally getting to the point. "It was easy for me to use her as a distraction. At first, it was just curiosity. I kept runnin' into her and her damn dog."

"You don't have to tell me this, Daryl," Carol said. He looked at her and there was a queasy look on her face. She was clearly not enjoying hearing any of this. Probably as much as he never enjoyed hearing about Ezekiel.

"I think you need to hear it though."

He watched her swallow and then she nodded.

"Go ahead."

"I found her cabin and eventually, we kind of became friends," he said, thinking back. "We started huntin' together. Saved my ass a fair few times too."

He chewed his lip as he hesitated continuing.

"After a while, I started thinking," he told her. "You were gone. Far as I knew, you were happy. In love. I thought to myself, why couldn't I do it too? I liked Leah well enough, and like I said, she reminded me so damn much of you."

A beat of silence ensued between them. Carol looked deep in thought and he shifted a little as he worried that maybe he shouldn't have told her any of this.

"So, you're saying the only reason you were with her is because of me?" Carol asked, breaking the silence. He examined her and saw the vulnerability hiding behind her eyes.

"Yeah," he replied, still feeling guilty about it—some of it was directed at Leah herself. It hadn't been fair to her what he had done. "So, no, I ain't itchin' to go looking for her."

He watched as she let out a deep breath. She brought a hand up to her eyes and swiped away the moisture. He was pleasantly surprised when he saw the slight smile on her face. He started to relax at the sight.

"So you're happy with… With just me?"

"Ain't no 'just you', but yeah, I'm plenty happy with you," he told her seriously.

The awful weight that had been festering inside him through this whole conversation lifted at the knowledge that she was—at least to some degree—understanding him. He lightened even further when she laughed a little.

"I'm sorry," she said through her laughter. "God, I'm so sorry. I don't know what's wrong with me. I didn't mean to have a mental break down on you."

Daryl reached out and wiped at the few tears that she had missed.

"It's alright," he told her. "Think we needed to talk 'bout this stuff."

Carol nodded and brought her hand up to cover his on her face, effectively making him cup her cheek. Her thumb rubbed over the back of his hand.

"We did, and I'm sorry for… For being such a mess."

His mouth lifted a little.

"Don't mind mess. Plenty messy myself."

Carol snorted.

"Don't I know it," she said, reaching her hand out and swiping a finger over his cheek. She held it up in front of his face with a smirk, letting him see the dirt. He chuckled.

"Yeah, I know. Need a bath," he agreed. He had grown used to being clean more often than not with the luxuries the communities offered. Now, back living out in the open, he was back to being covered in dirt and grime.

"Me too," she said with a grimace. "Definitely going to miss the regular showers."

"Can bring some water up from the lake," he offered. "Ain't much but it'll do for now."

Carol nodded. She smiled at him and leaned forward, pressing a sweet kiss to his lips. God, he could get used to that.

"That will be perfect."

After she spoke, she let out a huge yawn betraying how tired she was. Daryl smirked at the sight. It made her nose scrunch up adorably.

"Come on," he told her, tugging on her hand and inviting her to lie down again. "We need to sleep."

Carol didn't protest. As soon as he settled himself back down, she curled up on him again, resting her head on his chest. He pulled the sleeping bag over them the best he could before snaking his arm around her back. She let out a sigh that sounded contented.

"You good now?" he asked, not wanting to sleep until he knew she was feeling better. She nodded her head against his chest.

"Mmhmm," she murmured. "I'm good. Crazy Carol is gone for now."

Daryl snorted.

"Y'ain't crazy," he told her. "Just got demons, same as all of us."

She hummed. He didn't know if it was in agreement or just a non-committal sound.

"I'mma help you fight 'em," he added seriously. "Gonna fight 'em 'til they know they ain't wanted 'round here."

"That's probably gonna be a big fight," Carol warned sleepily.

"I'm up for it," Daryl replied. He didn't know if that was true. Carol had some big damn demons hanging over her and he didn't know if he had the skill set required to help tame them. He was going to damn well try though.

For as long as she'd let him.

There you go. Hope you enjoyed this. I felt the need to address Carol's insecurity because I feel like it will be one big obstacle in the road of their relationship. Daryl had some too but Carol's seem much larger. I like the thought of Daryl making her feel good about herself too. I hated the storyline of Carol hating herself (that's been happening since S4) so, I guess this is my attempt to obliterate that.

EDIT: Okay, guys. I've gotten a few reviews about this, so I think I should explain here. I've gotten a number of reviews reminding me that Daryl killed kids when he and Michonne got the brands on their back. But see, the way it was shown on screen was incredibly ambiguous. We never actually saw Daryl kill any of them.

I know, just because we didn't see it, doesn't mean it didn't happen. I get that, but to me, I think Daryl would have appeared more traumatised than he looked if he had to do something like that. The way I interpreted it, Daryl would have fought the kids but would have done his best to not actually hurt them (remember, he was physically stronger and wasn't heavily pregnant like Michonne) until they ran off like that little blonde kid did.

I understand if you don't agree with this interpretation but it's just the way I've always seen it. Maybe in the script it was meant to be obvious that Daryl actually did kill them but I didn't see it that way on screen. Also, I mentioned it in a reply to a review as well, but I want to make it clear here. I don't choose to see it this way because I think Daryl is above doing something like that to survive or that he's in any way better than Carol. It's honestly the way I interpreted it when I watched the episode.

I hope this cleared up any confusion over what I've written and if you don't like that I see it that way, you're entitled to that opinion but please don't send hate in the comments for it. I'm allowed to interpret things my own way just as you are.