After recovering from their hangovers, Team 7 flashed back to Konoha and reported to Minato. When they finished, Minato nodded. Then he grinned. "If I recall correctly, your wedding is next week, isn't it Kakashi?"

Kakashi nodded with pride. "Yes, Minato-sensei. Anko-chan and I got all the arrangements finished before this mission in case it ran over. Everything's set."

"Good. Then I hereby order all of you to not take any missions that require leaving the village until after Kakashi's nuptials. Can't chance the guests of honor missing the ceremony," Minato grinned. "Otherwise, you're all to go back to your usual assignments."

"Uh, Dad? With Hashirama-sensei moving to Kiri, I can't exactly train with him every day. What do you want me to do?" Naruto asked.

"You, my boy, get to be my assistant. By which I mean do all the things I can't or don't want to do," Minato said with a loving smile that somehow put a chill in Naruto's bones.

"Sure, Dad. Sounds like fun," Naruto said half-heartedly.

"Very well. You're all dismissed for the day. And I can't wait to see how you look in the movie when it comes out," Minato chuckled.

Team 7 left the Hokage Tower. "Hot Springs?" Sakura suggested.

Sasuke, of all people, shook his head. "I'd rather take you to meet my parents, Sakura-chan."

Sakura blushed prettily but nodded. "I'd be honored." They held hands, taking comfort from the Yin-Yang bond, and made for the Uchiha District.

"Anko's working right now, so I can't celebrate with her until she's off shift. Anything you feel like doing, Naruto?" Kakashi asked.

"I actually want to ask you something, and depending on your answer we might need to visit Tsunade. Have you practiced with Mangekyo at all?" Naruto asked.

"No, not since I found out using it can cause blindness or cancer," Kakashi answered.

"Unless you get Eternal Mangekyo Sharingan. Which you already half have, if my theory is correct," Naruto said, rubbing his chin.

"How do you mean?"

"When I used the Blood Adoption Seal on you and Obito's left eye, I made you part-Uchiha. And you already had Mangekyo. But your left eye wasn't your original eye, it was Obito's. So, hypothetically, you already have EMS in your left eye. Your right eye, though, is genetically your own Sharingan eye. That's ordinary Mangekyo. So, for you to get EMS in both eyes and start spamming Susano'o, we need to make a Blood Clone of Obito and switch his right eye with yours."

Kakashi nodded, mostly getting it, when he had a thought. "Can… can you extract Obito's chakra from my left eye and put it in the Blood Clone?"

"If I do that, your left eye will wither and die… but if we're already making a Blood Clone of him then we could switch his left eye with your newly empty left eye. Thing is, the chakra construct of Obito in your eye is of a 12-year-old. He won't know anything about how he became the Masked Man, if Obito is indeed the Masked Man," Naruto answered. "Plus the eye adapted to you and kept aging, so he'll wake up in an adult body. It'll be like the real Obito went into a coma and just woke up today."

"Let's do it," Kakashi said. "No offense, but I want him as my best man."

"None taken," Naruto shrugged.

They went to the Hospital and tracked down a thankfully sober Tsunade. "What'd'ya need?" she groaned, picking herself up from napping on her desk.

"We need another Blood Clone, Tsunade-baachan," Naruto said. He'd picked up the nickname to tease the Sannin about her real age.

A tic mark appeared on her forehead. "This is a hospital, not a blood depot! And how many damn resurrections do you plan to do?"

"As many as I have the opportunity to do," Naruto said calmly.

Tsunade sighed. "You know you own me after giving me back Grandpa, Dan, and Nawaki. Fine. What's the blood type?"

Having done this 17 times already, Naruto moved with confidence. Genetic sample collected, blood converted, Blood Clone created. Once Obito's Blood Clone was dressed in a hospital gown, Naruto placed his hand over Kakashi's left eye. "This is gonna hurt," he warned.

"It's worth it," Kakashi stated.

Naruto activated his Sharinnegan. "Human Path." He pulled Obito's 'soul' out of Kakashi's transplanted left eye, walked over to the Blood Clone, and implanted the 'soul' into it.

Obito blinked open his eyes. He looked at Naruto. "Minato-sensei? Why's your hair so long? And you look like a kid."

"That's not Minato-sensei. That's his son, Naruto. And he's the one who just brought you back to life, Obito," Kakashi said, covering his bleeding left eye.

Obito blinked. "... Kakashi? How'd you get so old?"

"I'm only 27, Obito," Kakashi said deadpan.

"That's prehistoric, man," Obito said teasingly. Then he blinked. "Um… I seem to have both eyes. And the right half of my body. And you said this kid 'brought me back to life'. What the fuck is going on?"

"Quick pause, I just had an idea," Naruto said. "Naraka Path." The King of Hell statue appeared out of purple flames on the hospital floor. Before Kakashi or Obito could react, its mouth opened and its tongue lashed out to grab Kakashi. It swallowed him, seemed to 'chew', and then spat Kakashi back out.

"Was that necessary? In what possible way did that enrich my life?" Kakashi demanded from Naruto.

"You have two eyes again, don't you? The King of Hell is a panacea, cures any damage. So now you have two 'Kakashi' eyes and Obito has two 'Obito' eyes. You can do a straight switch instead of deciding who only gets one eye," Naruto explained his reasoning.

Obito was rubbing his eyes. "Okay that right there… that was messed up."

Kakashi gave a quick rundown of the last 15 years to Obito as Naruto stood to the side. Kakashi hesitated around the Kyuubi Attack, so Naruto took over and explained about the Masked Man and their working theory that it was the original Obito. He fast-forwarded to the Uchiha Massacre after that. And then he wrapped up with how Naruto had resurrected 12-year-old Obito using his chakra.

"So, let me get this straight. I'm basically a Clone of 12-year-old Obito that turned into a real boy like a fucking puppet touched by a fairy's wand. The 'real' Obito not only could have survived, but could be responsible for the deaths of hundreds or even thousands of people. And then there's some shit about Eternal Mangekyo Sharingan and trading my eyeballs with Kakashi. I won't even mention how my sensei's son is some fucking demigod that can bring back the dead or heal any injury. I miss anything?" Obito asked with crossed arms and a confused expression.

"Rin's dead. Kiri captured her and sealed the Sanbi in her to turn her into a ticking time bomb that would blow in Konoha. She jumped in front of my Chidori to kill herself and protect the village. That's how I got Mangekyo Sharingan," Kakashi said dully.

Obito's jaw dropped before he shook his head. "Classic Rin, putting others before herself. Fuck."

"Listen, you've had a lot dumped on you today. Stay here, rest a few days, no one will blame you for taking things slowly. You don't have to rush right back into Konoha life," Naruto offered.

Obito shook his head. "If the real me is out there as a fucking S-class Missing-nin, I'm going to need all the power I can get to help you guys take him down. Let's do this eye switcheroo already."

Naruto tracked down Tsunade and convinced her to do another ocular swap. The procedure took less than 15 minutes with how quick and efficient Tsunade was. A drunken gambling degenerate she may be, but she knew her craft. Naruto patiently waited for the two men to wake up from the anesthesia. They seemed to groan and regain consciousness in unison.

"Ouch, this smarts. How does switching eyes make them not kill you, how does that make any sense?" Obito moaned.

"My working theory is that an ordinary Mangekyo requires toxic levels of chakra channeled through the eyes. By switching eyes with a relative, it's genetically compatible so your body doesn't reject it, and the residual chakra left by the previous owner acts as a cushion to stop the chakra concentration from causing blindness or cancer," Naruto laid out. He'd read half the Konoha Library by this point, he knew a lot about a lot. He'd own trivia night at any bar.

"And what does adding Senju genetic material do?" Kakashi asked.

"When the Sage had Indra and Asura, his Rinnegan basically split into Sharingan and Senju vitality. Mixing the two back together brings out the Rinnegan, and for some reason you still get to keep all the cool Sharingan powers on top," Naruto theorized.

"Wait, you said his twin brother was the first Byakugan user, right?" Kakashi checked.

"Yes, why?" Naruto asked.

"So when you and Hinata have kids, they'll have the same genes as the Sage's parents… trippy," Kakashi mused.

"I have no idea what you two are talking about," Obito said deadpan.

"Just ancient genealogy of the Uchiha Clan and its progenitors, no big deal," Naruto told the preteen in an adult body.

Obito and Kakashi reached up to undo their bandages. Both revealed identical Eternal Mangekyo Sharingan.

"There's power… a power I never knew I had!" Obito gasped as he looked at the world with Kakashi's eyes.

"Don't let it go to your head. I can think of plenty of people who can still kick your ass, and even a few that can kick mine," Kakashi warned.

"Let's all go get lunch, show Obito around the Konoha of today. You like ramen?" Naruto asked Obito with false levity.

"Uh, it's the best!" Obito said, like it was obvious.

"I like this man," Naruto declared.

They found Obito some clothes in his size and led him out of the Hospital. He looked around with the wonder of the child he was mentally. "That's still there?" "Ooh, that's new." "Hey, Kakashi, didn't we know that guy when he was a Genin?" They eventually reached Ramen Ichiraku and walked past the flaps to take seats on the stools.

"Naruto, Kakashi! The usual I presume?" Ayame grinned. "And who's your new friend?"

Obito was blushing red as a tomato. Naruto blinked and looked between the two of them. "Um, he's Uchiha Obito. Why don't you shake his hand?"

Ayame and Obito blinked. "Um, okay?" Ayame reached out over the counter, Obito hesitantly taking it. They both gasped.

"Okay, seriously, these kinds of bonds are supposed to be rare. This is the fifth I've seen since coming to Konoha!" Naruto gaped.

"They're Yin-Yang compatible?" Kakashi asked in disbelief.

"Her Yin, his Yang," Naruto confirmed.

"What does this mean, Naruto?" Teuchi asked, concerned for his daughter, who was still holding Obito's hand.

"You know how Hinata-chan and I are like the perfect couple? So are Ayame and Obito, or at least they have the same connection that Hinata-chan and I have," Naruto told, in his opinion, the best chef on Earth.

Obito gulped and let go. "N-nice to meet you, Ayame-chan."

"You too, Obito-kun," Ayame said with a shy smile.

"I knew this day would come," Teuchi sighed. "You can ask him on a date later, for now just take his order."

"Um, Extra Large Miso, please?" Obito asked the girl he couldn't take his eyes off.

"What happens if the original Obito lived and isn't the Masked Man and comes back someday?" Kakashi asked Naruto under his breath.

"Like you've never banged Anko with a Shadow Clone. She'll be just as compatible with the original, unless something happened to fundamentally alter the original's Yin and Yang. They could make it work," Naruto shrugged.

They were soon eating, Obito moaning after each bite. "Ayame-chan, you can really cook!"

Ayame waved her hand. "I just help with basic prep, the end product is all my dad's work."

They finished and paid, Naruto and Kakashi all but dragging Obito away from the stand as he tried to keep Ayame in sight as long as possible.

"She's even prettier than Rin! Oh, do you think she'd say yes if I asked her out?" Obito gushed.

"Probably. She's just as attracted to you as you are to her," Naruto shrugged.

"I mentioned I'm getting married next week, right? You can invite her as your plus one," Kakashi said.

"Hold up! You're getting married?!" Obito gaped at his old teammate.

"To this woman," Naruto said, Transforming to look like Anko in her usual work attire.

Obito's jaw touched the ground. "You bastard. How'd you land a hottie like that?!"

"We started out with a one-night stand that turned into a two-night stand that turned into screwing every night that turned into dating that turned into me proposing and now we're having a wedding," Kakashi spelled out like he was talking to a child, which he kind of was.

"You… you've had sex?" Obito asked like it was unthinkable. "Wouldn't that mean, you know, taking off your mask?"

"We're 27, Obito. I've had sex for more years than you've been alive, and that's perfectly normal. You're the one who has some catching up to do," Kakashi stated. "And yes, I take my mask off during sex. Kind of hard to kiss or do other things with it on."

"I'll warn Ayame you're a virgin," Naruto said gravely.

"Don't you dare!" Obito shouted at the blond.

They had headed in the direction of the Uchiha District. Obito looked slightly disturbed at how empty it was. "I've never seen the place so empty. Why didn't the village reclaim the houses and move people in?"

"Most people are a bit uncomfortable living in a house where someone was murdered. Plus the bloodstains are impossible to get out," Naruto said as gently as he could.

Obito gulped. "Oh, right. And you think it was the real me that killed all the ones Itachi spared?"

"It was the Masked Man. We're not sure it's the original you," Kakashi said, stressing the word 'original' instead of using 'real'.

They stopped at Obito's old house. He looked up at it nostalgically. Then his face fell. "My parents were killed in the Massacre, weren't they?"

"Yes," Kakashi said directly, figuring it should be like ripping off a bandage.

"If the Masked Man was the 'original' Obito… what made him crazy enough he'd willingly kill his own parents?" Obito asked, almost to himself.

Naruto pondered it. "Original Obito somehow got Mangekyo, he had it by the time he hypnotized Yagura. Million to one odds but… what if he survived the landslide, healed up, tracked down his old team, and got there just in time to see Rin commit suicide? To the outside perspective, it would have looked like his best friend murdered the woman he loved. That level of trauma would fulfill the traditional requirements for Mangekyo activation."

Kakashi frowned. "Now you mention it, the nearby Kiri-nin didn't pursue me when I carried her body away. I chalked it up to my stealth but if the original Obito took out his anger on the nearest target…"

Obito gulped. "Okay, thinking you killed Rin on purpose would pretty much shatter my mind to itty bitty pieces. But seriously, what are the odds that's what actually happened?"

"Pretty low, but I've come to trust Naruto's gut feelings. And it makes as much sense as any other theory. Until we track down the sumbitch and unmask him, we don't even know if it's the original Obito," Kakashi answered.

"Okay, it's going to get pretty tiring calling the Masked Man 'original Obito' and me 'cloned Obito'. How about I stay 'Obito' because I'm awesome and we'll call hypothetical Masked Man Obito… Tobi?" Obito proposed.

"Why Tobi?" Naruto asked.

"I kind of had this habit of saying names backwards as a little kid. Tobi is what I called myself until my parents finally got me to stick to my real name," Obito explained.

"Agreed, then. Now, do you need help settling in?" Kakashi asked.

"I'm a big boy, Kakashi. Hell, I'm a man now! I can take care of myself," Obito grinned cheekily before entering his house.

"What's he really feeling?" Kakashi asked his empathic comrade.

"Barely holding it together, but he's reached his limit. If you try to help anymore you'll just overstimulate him and he'll act out. Give him time," Naruto advised.

Kakashi nodded. "See you at my bachelor party, Naruto." Then Kakashi Body Flickered. Naruto flashed to the Inuzuka Clan Estate to pick up Mikan.

The next week passed quickly, Naruto learning that his Dad could be a cruel taskmaster when he wanted to be. He had him do everything from fetching him breakfast to helping solve a trade union debacle. But eventually it was the eve of the day Anko became a Hatake. All those who'd been invited to Kakashi's stag night met at the restaurant where they were kicking the event off. Anko was throwing her bachelorette party at the same time and careful coordination had been made to ensure bride and groom wouldn't cross paths until they met at the alter.

Naruto walked up to the growing party outside the best Akimichi steakhouse in the village. "Yo, all. Where's the guest of honor?"

"This is Kakashi we're talking about. He'll be at least 15 minutes late," Sasuke pointed out.

"I can't believe Kakashi's getting married," Obito shook his head.

"YES, IT IS QUITE THE JOYOUS OCCASION, OBITO-KUN!" Gai roared at top volume.

"Gai, as your Hokage, I hereby order you to use your inside voice for the rest of the evening," Minato said deadpan.

"YES… I mean, yes, Hokage-sama," Gai nodded.

"Be still my heart, he's barely late at all," Asuma observed as Kakashi walked up to them reading his current Icha Icha novel of choice.

"Hey, everyone. I think I made our reservation, right?" the groom-to-be said, looking up from his naughty book.

"I hope I made it on time," Hiruzen said, appearing out of nowhere with a Body Flicker."

"Sarutobi-jiji, you weren't invited," Naruto pointed out.

"Kakashi and Anko only got together because of me assigning him to track you down. In a way, this union is my doing. This joy in part is mine. So I'm going to party like a man a third my age with the rest of you. Is that a problem?" the Professor asked with a raised brow.

"No problem, Hiruzen-sama," Kakashi grinned.

"Groom says it's okay, it's okay," Sasuke stated.

They all went in and ordered obscenely expensive meals, but with the Akimichi you got what you paid for when it came to food. "So, any cold feet? Freaking out about never being with another woman?" Asuma asked.

"Anko-chan's the best I ever had, why would I settle for a lesser woman?" Kakashi said loftily.

"Unless it's your wife's idea to have the threesome. Then it's okay," Hiruzen chuckled.

"That implies a whole lot that I'm just not going to think about," Naruto said while side-eyeing his grandpa figure.

"Seconded," Asuma said, looking a little green.

"So, Kakashi, where's the honeymoon?" Gai asked.

"Resort in Hot Water Country. Two weeks of soaking, massages, sex, rich food, sex, sightseeing, and more sex," Kakashi answered.

"That sounds pricey," Sasuke mused.

"He's done 42 S-ranks, Sasuke. He's almost as rich as Jiraiya since he lives so frugally," Minato pointed out.

They chatted until the food arrived. They ate with refined manners given the classy surroundings, but as hungry ninja they ate every bite of their entrees, sides, and demolished the desserts offered afterwards. Once they'd split the bill, Kakashi naturally not having to pay, they walked out the restaurant and over to the Hot Springs. They were led to their own V.I.P. private spring, the 8 of them getting naked to bathe before entering the water.

Naruto tied up his hair to stop it from getting wet and slid into the spring. He blinked. "This water feels and smells different. Did they mix herbs into the water?"

"They use a different formula for the men's and women's private springs, part of the extra expense. Supposedly these waters, on top of the usual hot spring benefits, promote virility and potency," Hiruzen answered.

They all enjoyed the luxury of the private spring in silence for a few minutes. Naruto tilted his head after a minute. He seemed to squint a little and look down at the water. "Well, I'll be damned. Maybe there's some truth to that old wives' tale."

"What are you talking about?" Sasuke asked.

"You know how they say the bigger the chakra, the bigger your dick or tits are? Well, the weakest one here is Obito, and he also happens to be the smallest. Kakashi is the strongest, and also the biggest. Coincidence? Plus, it would explain Tsunade's legendary cup size, since she has Kage-level reserves," Naruto said like it was a scientific discovery.

"I feel undeniably smug right now," Kakashi said, grinning behind his mask.

"Why are you even looking?" Obito demanded, blushing and not from the heat.

"Son, we need to have a talk about your use of Chakra Sight," Minato sighed.

"Who is second?! I demand to know!" Gai said, oddly enough crying.

"It ain't you, acorn," Kakashi teased his friend.

Hiruzen just chuckled. "I'd like to state for the record that mine shrunk with age. Also, keep in mind that young Naruto-kun and Sasuke-kun are the true powerhouses here, they just haven't finished growing."

"If there's any truth to that theory, then Hinata is going to be a one lucky girl," Asuma mused.

"That would explain a lot. Itachi-niisan was practically double-digits last time I caught a glimpse," Sasuke shrugged.

"Can we please, for the love of the Sage, stop talking about dick size?" Obito begged.

"Fine. How about boob size?" Naruto asked.

Sasuke wordlessly grabbed Naruto's head and forced it underwater.

They moved on to less polarizing topics until the heat became too much for them. They got redressed and then the party headed for the red-light district of Konoha, such as it was. Kakashi stopped walking when he realized the destination. "I specifically stated no strippers. I don't want to be washing glitter off my face before I stand at the altar."

"It's not a strip club. It's a burlesque club," Minato said appeasingly.

"What's the difference?" Kakashi asked.

Gai, surprisingly, was the one to answer. "In a strip club, the dance is meant to excite, rile up, so that you'll pay for a private dance. In burlesque, the goal is to tease, entice, tantalize. The dancer makes you want her while making it clear you'll never have her. It's a delicate art form, much more tasteful than stripping down to a g-string to some trashy techno music." At the rest of the party staring at him, Gai blushed. "What? I can't have a hobby besides exercise?"

The burlesque was certainly an experience. Besides sultry dance numbers that demanded as much skill as the finest dance forms of ballet and the opera, there were comedy skits that had them in stitches. They nursed their drinks, not wanting hangovers for the big event tomorrow. At the end of the night, they all wished Kakashi good luck and went their separate ways.

The ceremony was to be held in Training Ground Seven, in front of the memorial stone. Anko's wedding planner said it would be symbolic, a union honoring the past as it looked forward to the glorious future. An altar, chairs, a white carpet, an arch, all of it had been set up in advance. The reception would be at a banquet hall back in the village proper.

Naruto took his seat, keenly feeling Hinata's absence, especially when he looked next to him at Sasuke and Sakura holding hands. The guest list had been kept small, under 50. Though, as an honorary Uchiha, the entire resurrected Uchiha Clan was in attendance. Fugaku looked like he'd rather be passing a kidney stone, but Itachi and Mikoto kept him on a short leash.

The ceremony was beautiful, Anko walking up to Kakashi, who in a move that stunned all but a privileged free, had not worn his mask today. They made vows to each other, handwritten and heartfelt. Then Minato pronounced them a married couple and they sealed their union with a kiss.

Naruto waited in line to greet the newlyweds. "I've got a small wedding gift I'd like to give now. It's a spell to bless a marriage. Do you want it?"

"I'm fine with a little help from a spell to stop from killing this idiot when he pisses me off," Anko grinned. She was radiant.

"Go ahead, Naruto," Kakashi grinned.

Naruto gathered the energy from Ishtar's dimension and held a hand over Kakashi and Anko's clasped hands. "'Love is a blessing. See your love through Heaven's eyes. Always together.'"

Their wedding bands glowed white for a moment before returning to ordinary gold.

"That's the best that I can do. The rest is up to you," Naruto bowed.

They were all getting ready to start walking back to the village when Naruto cried out in pain, clutching his head.

"Naruto-kun!" Kushina cried, waddling over as fast as she could with her sixth month of pregnancy. "Baby, what is it?"

Naruto shook his head, slapping himself to get himself together. "Code Red Moon! Akatsuki inbound!" he shouted so the whole congregation could hear him.

Sasuke instantly activated his Sharinnegan, the other shinobi in the crowd who understood the danger readying for battle. Itachi rushed to Naruto's side. "Which team? Describe how they feel."

"One's your friend Kisame, the Bijuu with No Tail and his fucking sentient chakra leeching sword. The other… I thought Gaara was broken. This guy's mind's shattered into a million pieces, and the only thing holding him together is pure HATE. And it's an Uchiha, with Mangekyo. Strong enough to beat my dad."

"The Masked Man?" Minato said with trepidation.

"I'll shave my head if it isn't," Naruto said, trying for a little humor given the incoming S-rank Missing-nin.

"Everyone below Jonin rank, get the fuck back to the village! I'll gather reinforcements and come back as soon as I can. The rest of you, stall for as long as you can!" Minato barked. "That means you, Obito!"

"Come on, I can-" the revived Uchiha attempted to argue.

"Be a fucking distraction that could cost someone their life. This is out of your league, Obito. You want to help? Make sure all the non-combatants get back to the village safe," Kakashi ordered. And it was unmistakably an order.

Obito grit his teeth but nodded. "Yes, Kakashi-senpai." Obito turned and followed the guests fleeing for the village.

"Give them hell, Naruto," Minato said before grabbing Kushina and flashing away.

Those left to face the Akatsuki team were the newlyweds, Naruto, Itachi, Sasuke, Gai, Asuma, Hiruzen, Tsunade, Sakura, Kurenai, and an ANBU friend of Anko's named Yuugao. A dozen Jonin and Kage-level shinobi against one Akatsuki team.

The Akatsuki team landed in the training ground, wearing the distinctive black cloaks with red clouds. The one on the left was Hoshigaki Kisame, with his sword Samehada, though 'sword' didn't seem to be the right word for a living scaly monster with a hilt. The one on the right wore an orange mask that only revealed the right eye.

"Oh? Have we interrupted something? A wedding perhaps?" Kisame drawled mockingly.

"Fuck, I really liked this dress," Anko hissed before cutting slits up the sides to give her legs full range of movement.

"Tobi is a bad boy! Tobi didn't bring a gift!" The Masked Man said, wringing his hands like a schoolboy fearing punishment from the teacher.

Kakashi narrowed his eyes, his suspicions all but confirmed. "Drop the comedy act and show your face, you gutless coward. 'Those who abandon the mission are trash, but those who abandon their comrades are worse than trash!' Isn't that what you taught me, Obito?!"

The playful act vanished and the Masked Man stood up. He reached up and pulled off his mask… revealing a face identical to the cloned Obito, except that the right half of his face was oddly wrinkled. He chuckled and tossed the mask to the side. "What gave me away?"

"Yagura remembered your Mangekyo design," Naruto answered, remembering that the goal here was to stall for time.

"Ah, Yagura. Knew I forgot something. A loose end I forgot to snip. Well, no matter. You knowing my identity is of no consequence to my plan," the original Obito, or 'Tobi' as they'd already agreed to call him, stated darkly.

"And what is your plan? Akatsuki's hunting down Jinchuuriki. Are you trying to bring back the Juubi?" Sasuke called out.

Obito blinked. "My, my. You all seem remarkably well informed. Too well informed. Itachi, have you been blabbing?"

"Like a loose-lipped gossip after three martinis," Itachi said with a grim smile.

"What to do, what to do. We can't allow Akatsuki's secrets, MY secrets, to be known by all and sundry," Tobi said, grinning maniacally.

Naruto put the dots together. "You're the real Leader! The guy with Rinnegan is just your puppet!"

"Give the kid a solid gold shuriken set, he's got a brain," Kisame chuckled.

"What are you doing here, Obito? I doubt it's to turn yourself in!" Kakashi demanded.

"This? Oh, this is just a bit of fun. To spoil your big day. But while we're here, we might as well collect the Kyuubi's chakra while we're at it," Tobi smirked, his right eye morphing to Mangekyo form.

"You're crazy if you think you can control the Juubi! You're going to destroy the world!" Naruto shouted.

"This world NEEDS to be destroyed! Any world where Rin could die isn't good enough! I'll make a new world! One without shinobi, without war, without pain! A perfect world for everyone!" Tobi declared with a grand gesture of his arms.

"You can SMELL crazy on this guy," Sakura muttered.

Tobi vanished and reappeared in front of Sakura. "I heard that!" he snarled before going to slash her throat with a kunai.

"Amaterasu!" Sasuke cast, trying to set Tobi on fire.

Tobi halted his attack to turn to Sasuke. Black flames flickered around him, failing to cling to anything. Tobi's whole body seemed to shimmer like a mirage. "You can't touch me!" he said in a teasing tone before dashing for Sasuke.

"Preta Path," Naruto roared before flashing to Obito's side. He gave his best punch, sending Tobi flying to impact face-first into a tree. Naruto grinned. "I knew it. He uses Kamui to store his body in the pocket dimension so attacks in this world don't touch him. But if you cancel the Jutsu, he's just an ordinary guy."

Tobi shook himself of wood chips and turned a furious eye on Naruto. "You're smart, kid. Too smart for my liking." Tobi was about to charge again when he suddenly glanced in the direction of the village. "Motherfucking Minato… fine. I know when I'm beat. But this isn't over. Not by a long shot. You'll get what's coming to you, Kyuubi brat, and you, Kakashi." Tobi seemed to be sucked into his own eye, leaving no trace he was ever there. At some point, Kisame had vanished as well.

Naruto dusted himself off. He turned to the newlyweds. "I think the wedding crashers have left the building!"

Kakashi and Anko exchanged a look, and then burst into hysterical laughter.