Relapse

Chapter 25: "…The best things in life are free…"

Too many slipups.

That's why he was here.

Sitting in an exam room waiting for Dr. Akagi, not his favorite place to be, but he earned this.

He was trying to get back on his feet, trying to somehow pull himself together after giving up for so many lives.

But things couldn't go back to the way they were.

Not when she was here now.

The bandaged girl just leaned against the wall and glared at him.

"Gott this is boring." She mumbled as she stretched out, her wounds seemingly having no effect on her.

She hadn't just shown up, at first, he just heard her voice, a whisper in his ear, which he too easily attributed to the wind or anything that made him feel like he wasn't slowly going insane.

Then it became too clear that someone was talking to him.

Then he had responded, simply out of interest, and that was when he saw her for the first time.

To say he nearly screamed would be an understatement.

Then she was there with increasing frequency, commenting on things, berating him for his actions, and those of others.

He had done his best to ignore her, he had done his best to not acknowledge the bandaged phantom that shadowed his movements, but once in a while he had to, if not for some peace and quiet, then for his own sanity.

Was she really there? How could she be? How could she be real despite her constant taunting that she was in fact, real.

Now he was reaping the benefits.

The boy was sure there were cameras in here and he was also certain that he had been more than careless when actually addressing her around NERV.

Shinji was sure that was why he was here, talking to someone you know isn't really there is hardly considered 'normal'.

"You know Third, you should really stop trying to get close to her, you know all you're going to do is hurt her." She commented out of boredom, referring to the only other redhead he knew, one that was actually real.

If anything, she was honest, he knew that was true, she was just saying the quiet part loud for him, the part that he'd rather just ignore.

But she needed him, Asuka needed him, she needed to work through that pain, so she didn't succumb to her own misery.

The door opened to reveal a familiar blonde who's presence did not bring him an ounce of joy, instead it just brought him anger, something that he pushed down.

Sitting down she set down her clipboard, and took off her glasses. She'd probably been shutting down what seemed like a dozen machines that had scanned him, all in an attempt to find something.

"So why are we doing this again?" he asked in the best possible voice to sound confused as to why he was here.

"Oh, just a standard checkup with basic screenings." She replied. "No abnormal changes in diet for you?"

"No."

"Any unexplained audio-visual stimulations?"

"What?" he asked, trying to pretend to be a boy with far less experience.

"Voices, when you're alone do you see or hear anything?" the blonde asked again.

He just shrugged "Nope, I don't see anybody."

The doctor scribbled down on her pad one last time.

"Alright, you're good to go."

Walking out the door he grumbled do himself about what a waste of time this was, but he didn't hear the doctor's pen fall out of her hand behind him

He couldn't have known what was going through her head as she thought about what he said.

And he couldn't have known about the words that came as a whisper from her mouth.

"Anybody… he said 'I don't see anybody'…"

ʡʘʘʢ

The boy's eyes snapped open and he immediately groaned at the dull pain in his back shot through him.

Grumbling to himself, Shinji brought himself off the floor and up into a sitting position. Perhaps getting no sleep at all was a bad idea every night.

He was barely making it though the days now, catching up on sleep right after school instead. He hadn't even meant to sleep this time; he was just going to rest his eyes.

Looking up to the window, he could tell it was late afternoon, the sun was starting to set and with Misato gone out (probably with Kaji if he had to guess) he wouldn't have to make a giant dinner.

Speaking of dinners… his eyes landed on the envelope next to him. Rei seemed to be hosting some sort of dinner party for them, the invitation had been so jarring that he couldn't really process it at first. Misato, Asuka, him, and Ritsuko were all invited, as well as the commander himself.

Shinji had nearly laughed at it when he first read the invitation. Poor Rei, as if the man would ever show up to a dinner party, let alone one which himself was invited as well. He just shook his head; it might just be a bit of fun before dealing with Unit-03 which should be in a few days' time.

The thought of Bardiel made his stomach drop, but the reassurance that he had saved Toji nearly every time since his first life gave him some peace of mind.

Didn't mean he was any less nervous about it.

Groaning as he stood up, his joints popped and cracked as he rubbed his back from his nap on the hard floor.

"Someone's getting old." Soryu muttered as she sat in the corner, playing with a bit of her bandages.

He waved the comment away and groggily made his way out into the kitchen before he was stopped dead in his tracks by the sight in front of him.

Chaos.

Yes, that was the correct word, chaos. How he had slept through the N2 mine detonation in the kitchen was beyond him, but all he could do was stand there and stare.

It seemed everything was strewn about, knives, forks, wooden spoons, everything and everything seemed to be placed wherever there was space. Too many pots were on the stove with one of them boiling over as each dial was turned to a different setting, some sort of sludge was currently dripping off the countertop, and Pen Pen was waiting for his food with growing agitation.

In the center of this mess, a certain redheaded German was doing her best to reign in the catastrophe that was unfolding.

He wanted to laugh, he wanted to cry at the sight, he wanted to shout at her for what had become of his kitchen.

But all he could do was stand there in shock, because Asuka was trying to cook…

It was another first for him.

Asuka was actually trying to cook food, for the first time he was watching the redhead try to create something edible outside of instant ramen and MREs.

Though, perhaps more interestingly, she didn't have her A-10 clips in her hair, instead it was tied back, probably in an effort to keep it away from the food she was preparing. Not exactly her usual look and a bit jarring, but only because she never wore her hair in any other style really. In addition to that pink apron she had on, he had to admit, it wasn't a bad look for her.

The sight was such a contrast to the German's usual self that he just stood and watched, at least for a minute or two, before the sight became too agonizing that he had to speak up.

"I didn't know you wanted to cook Asuka." He said simply as he took a step towards the girl.

The redhead froze, and turned to see him coming closer, he expected a look of indifference, but instead he got an exploding volcano.

"GO AWAY!" she roared, causing him to take a step back.

"Um."

"GO BACK TO YOUR ROOM AND WAIT TILL I CALL YOU!"

He ignored the yelling and started towards her again, "I'm sure I can hel…"

Shinji frowned as he dodged a swipe from the would-be chef as he reached the counter, maybe he should let her do this alone if he was going to get seriously injured by her hand.

It wasn't like this was an Angel.

Instead of continuing to try and assault him, the anger on the girl's face receded, she instead closed her eyes and took a breath "I want to do this alone." She said calmly, her chin up.

"Are you sure?" the boy asked, once again looking at the mess that currently littered the countertop.

Asuka nodded, "Please let me do this."

He raised an eyebrow at that steady voice, the girl actually calmed down and asked politely for him to leave her to this. Asuka, whether Shikinami or Soryu, rarely, if ever, actually said the word 'please'.

This was just another thing to the list of oddities that were accruing tonight.

So, he took a step back and slowly made his way away from the counter.

"Th… Thank you Shinji."

The fact she thanked him was all the proof he needed that she would be alright.

So, he just nodded and went back to his room, doing his best to ignore the sounds of distress coming from the kitchen behind him.

Closing the door to his room he closed his eyes and smiled to himself.

Perhaps the girl was changing for the better.

ʡʘʘʢ

"So, this new dummy system they're instating, I don't trust that thing at all!" Misato slammed her drink down as she slurred her words at the man.

Both of them were seated well away from others in the restaurant Kaji had taken her to, despite his pitch that the cooking outclasses Shinji's, the woman had to admit there was something lacking in the food.

The alcohol was a different story.

"It's a top-secret development from Golgotha base, it's a mystery to all of us" Kaji said, smiling at the childish outburst.

"And we're going to let it pilot our giant mechanized weapons for us? It's insane!"

"So, you're saying you're more comfortable with human pilots, is that it? "Kaji questioned, raising an eyebrow.

"You really trust Shinji a lot. Actually, you trust him because he's Shinji... are you sure he's trustw…"

Misato slammed her hands down on the table "How could you even ask that?!" she roared. "He's done more for us than anyone!"

Kaji was a bit taken aback by the outburst, but he composed himself. "Look… he's said some… interesting things when I've talked with him and I don't…"

Misato threw up her hand "I don't want to hear it!" she interrupted.

The man just stared at her; she was sure his eyes were doing the best to decipher her actions.

"What really happened with the Sixth Angel?"

He wasn't changing the topic, just adjusting his course.

"I told you to read the report." She mumbled.

"I don't believe the report."

Misato said nothing, taking another swig of her sake, perhaps it was better to just tell him. He most likely already knew anyways.

"Can you at least…"

"I MADE A MISTAKE!" she yelled at him, finally having enough of the man. The explosion seemed to catch her scruffy companion off guard, but as soon at that emotion had come rushing out, it receded, replaced with another.

Shame.

Her figure dropped, shoulders slouched and forward, the woman hadn't really had anyone to talk to about this, even Ritsuko… she couldn't talk to her about it.

All she had done was hold the boy, hoping that it was all that was needed to wipe these emotions away, hell even massive alcohol consumption hasn't solved the problem like it had with her feelings towards the man before her.

Now… now it was all coming to a head, and having a public intoxicated emotional breakdown was the last thing she wanted.

But maybe this needed to happen…

Somehow her figure collapsed even further, the woman pulled into herself, like she was trying to hide, like she was trying to run away from the admission, but it was too late for that, she couldn't stop it, she couldn't even slow down the words leaving her mouth.

"I wanted him to fight…" the words were bitter, like she was vomiting after drinking too much "I wanted him to stay up there, to move, to do something…"

Her hands were shaking against her will and she could only imagine what Kaji could be thinking of her as he watched the mess in front of him.

"…even with those screams, even when I had to turn away from this boy dying in front of me, I wanted him to fight that Angel, to find a way to fight that Angel."

Her hands stopped, but not because of her, because the man across from her reached over and rested his own on top of hers'.

She took a breath, but still couldn't look back up at him.

"I tried to think of something, anything before I brought him back, I wanted him up there, damn his pain…" she stopped closing her eyes, she didn't even deserve to look at Kaji's hands, she didn't even deserve him listening to her right now.

"he was dead before we could even open the entry plug…" she finished softly "and do you know what I did?" she asked him, a few droplets falling onto her dress.

"What?" he asked, his voice level.

"NOTHING!" she yelled pushing herself up, finally looking back up at the man who had no expression on his face "I acted as if nothing had happened. I ignored it and threw myself back into finding a way to kill that Angel… I just killed a boy and acted like it was nothing!"

She fell back into her seat, her hands pulling away from his as she covered her face "I got a 14-year-old kid killed and I couldn't even go look at him for hours, I couldn't even admit it for hours…" she stopped, her voice failing her.

"…until it just hit me Kaji… it just… hit me, what I did, why I had done it… and I hated myself, I… I had to go see him."

Finally, she looked back up at the man, who was still leaning forwards, not pulling back, not interrupting, not doing anything, just listening.

"But he was alive…" she said with a sad smile "woke up in the morgue and found his way to the GeoFront and you know what I did? I held him… I'm the one who got him killed and I latched onto him, playing at being some kind of messed up mother, pretending I'm not some…." She stopped.

"I'm a monster." She whispered as tears began to flow silently.

.

.

.

"So, what did you do?"

She looked back up the man leaning halfway across the table, confusion warping her face.

"What?"

"What did you do after that?" he asked.

"I…I…" she stammered, unable to think now.

"Did you send him back out again without any worry in the world? Did you feel nothing whenever he fought another Angel?"

"Of course, I didn't!" she had regained some composure now, sitting upright instead of slouched back in her seat "but I sent him out there again…".

"Shinji could've refused." Kaji countered.

"But…"

"You're not a monster Katsuragi, you're human, just like the rest of us." He said simply, reaching out his hands to her. "You made a mistake… one that I think you've learned from, right?"

"It wasn't a mistake Kaji, it was beyond that… it was beyond anything I've…"

Her voice trailed off, and for a moment neither said anything.

"I heard about your reluctance with the last Angel, Rits was all in a fuss about it. If you had just sent him back out there without feeling anything, then yes, you'd be a monster Misato, but you didn't."

The woman stared into his eyes, ears beginning to form but refusing to fall.

"You didn't, you didn't just send him back out there with a disregard for him and I've heard enough from Ritsuko to know you care for the kid."

"I'm… I'm just…"

Yes, she cared for Shinji, him and Asuka… like her own little family, each of them forced together by tragedy, necessity, fate, and who knows what other forces, but she never thought she could live like that. Not after everything with her first family, she never thought she could let go of that to find something else, something more.

"I'm trying Kaji… I'm trying to be better… but I don't know…"

"It doesn't matter," the man interrupted her "all that matters is you're trying…"

The woman just looked into his eyes, trying to force the tears back down. She was trying to copy that steadiness in his voice and face, trying not to break down all over again.

Suddenly their moment was interrupted by the ringing of a phone, Misato's phone. Sniffing and composing herself, Misato dug through her purse and answered.

"Yes, yeah right I know. I'll have my decision for you by midnight,"

"That Rits?"

"Yeah, she's harassing me about the Unit-03 test pilot."

"It is your responsibility to choose the pilot,"

"I know it is, it's just… out of all the days for the activation…." The woman said nothing, instead she just pressed buttons on the phone, sending a text, before putting the phone back in her purse.

Turning back to her companion the woman wiped the last of the tears from her eyes, "What about this organization of SEELE? What do you know about it?"

"How'd you hear that name?" Kaji asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Unit-04… I looked into it; the name came up. That…. and Human Instrumentality, what is NERV really up to behind the scenes?"

"Honestly," he sat back in his seat "I'd like to know that one myself… but… I think Shinji knows something."

Misato raised an eyebrow "Shinji?" her mind started to swirl "So that's why you brought him up! What the hell did he tell you?"

The man said nothing, he just eyed the plate in front of him "It could be nothing," somehow, she doubted that "but I wanted to hear it from you… why you were so close to him before I said anything."

"What aren't you telling me Kaji?"

He shook his head and smiled softly "Don't worry about it, just promise me you'll be careful aright?"

"Alright," she nodded "I promise."

ʡʘʘʢ

She burnt the rice.

Shinji didn't actually think that was possible.

But it was… and she also undercooked the beef, at the same time no less.

Being completely honest, it wasn't the worst meal he ever had. Shinji could easily recall a certain slop that he had been served in NERV's cafeteria at one point taking first place. All he had to do was remember the taste (or lack thereof) and he could consider this meal five stars.

Looking up from his first bite, he saw Asuka doing her best to not gag on her own cooking. He would have laughed, not at her of course, but the thought of being beaten to death for the perceived insult was not something he wished for.

He had firsthand experience.

So, he took another bite and grimaced at the taste, but gave a reassuring smile to the redhead, who could see quite clearly through his act.

"It's horrible, isn't it?" she asked, dejected.

"No, it's not that bad."

"Don't lie baka!"

Shinji blinked, Asuka hadn't called him that yet, 'stupid Shinji' sure, but 'baka' seemed to strictly be a Soryu thing.

"Hey, it's your first-time cooking, you should have seen my first attempt." He said with a smile.

In reality, he never made a meal this terrible, ever. Granted he had a knack for the culinary arts, but still… the fact the girl added a cup of instant ramen to the table as a side dish might just be an indication of how aware Asuka was to this travesty.

He took another bite, his resolve to show her it wasn't too bad fighting against the muscles trying to spit the food out.

"It's terrible." She said plainly, pushing away her dish and grabbing a cup of instant noodles.

The Third Children shrugged, "Why did you want to cook in the first place?"

Asuka stopped, the fork still hovering with noodles dangling in the air. She said nothing, she didn't even look at him.

"Asuka?" What was this?

"Can't I just try something new?!" she shouted at him, before standing up and taking her instant ramen with her.

"Asuka!" he stood up as well and followed her before she slammed the door to her room behind her.

The boy just stood there, completely perplexed, he wanted to open the door, after all there were no locks, but…

Asuka released his nose as he finally let air back into his lungs.

For the briefest of moments, he just stood there, like the idiot he couldn't even look at her face till she turned.

The redhead ran to the bathroom, the sounds of gargling being the only noise coming from her.

"BLEH! This isn't something you do just cause your bored!" she shouted from around the corner.

Looking back, he should have read into that.

He took a breath and began to slide the once named 'impenetrable wall of Jericho' open, but what he hadn't been expecting was a swift kick to the stomach, knocking the wind out of him and sending him to the ground.

The pilot of Unit-01 sucked in air, but didn't let out so much as a yelp, he was too distracted by a different redhead standing over him now.

"Get up, this is nothing," she scowled at him "You've walked around missing your arm before remember?"

He wanted to retort about how much adrenaline was pumping through his system then, but instead Shinji just pushed himself up slowly, looking at the door, which was now back to being completely closed.

Making is way to his feet and into the kitchen, he began to clean up the small disaster zone. What was he supposed to do? He knew he wasn't going to get anywhere when she was this violent.

What the boy couldn't see was the girl currently curled up on the opposite side of her bed, instant ramen splattered on the wall, and dealing with the realization of how she had just royally screwed up.

Well… that went 'well' for Shikinami… didn't it? What's she going to do now?! Side note, anybody else find it strange that Shikinami uses chopsticks, even though she's from Germany? I actually can't remember Soryu ever not using a fork … interesting. Also, in the English dub she calls him 'stupid Shinji' instead of 'idiot Shinji', only referring to him as 'the idiot' in the elevator scene. It's probably a translation thing with baka, but in 3.0 she instead calls him 'idiot Shinji' so that's interesting as well.

In 2.0 we don't get a solid reason as to why Misato knows about SEELE or the Human Instrumentality Project. I guess inferred that she hears about it after the incident with Unit-04 in the US, but we don't actually get a scene, I guess it's not necessary really, but it just bugged me.

SHOUTOUTS!

Bwanagator – Thanks, I'm hoping it will be!

EvaPilotFair – Thanks! I think Shinji would be quite nostalgic for a time when things were 'simplier' at least compared to his current situation.

Berix – DAMN, I thought they had character limits on reviews lol. Thanks for pointing out that stuff, though you don't have to take it upon yourself to practically proofread the thing lol. I just picked out a few things to respond to since you actually caught onto a few things. 1. I was waiting for someone to mention the whole 'Shinji referring to himself as Children', I thought someone might mention is when Kaji notes it haha, but yeah that's deliberate, in NGE, 'Children' is used even when it should be singular. So, Shinji refers to himself as 'The First Children' and Soryu 'The Second Children', I'm pretty sure this was intentional because even the updated Netflix dub uses the same wordage, while the Rebuild use proper grammar, ie 'Child' when referring to one pilot. 2. For Euro and Europe, that line it taken verbatim from the dub, Maya says 'Euro still technically owns Unit-02' and it's not clear if Europe/EU, NERV, or NERV based in Germany own Unit-02, it's never clarified, considering she uses the term 'Euro' and Asuka's 'pilot license' is revoke by Europe, plus Shikinami is a captain in the 'Euro Airforce' it might be either that, countries 'own' EVA units, but NERV operates them, or it's similar to how the US has a combat commands (AFRICOM, CENTCOM, etc.) they just have greater autonomy, it might be that NERV is separated like that, but there are retorts to either, it's a small detail and would be explored more if not for… unfortunate events. 3. When I read the child support comment, I nearly spit out my drink, but that's fair, though probably just an inch too far. Definitely a 'if I cant have all of you to myself, then I don't want anything from you' moment coming up. Finally… yes, Word defiantly auto-corrects my incorrect spelling for definitely all the time and when I'm not careful I'll just hit that first suggested word when proofing.

Su Exodus – Thanks! Hang on tight, we're gonna have one hell of a last night…

GeHirNunDherZ – Thanks! Yes, be terrified! I think Shinji is going to be wishing 'that I could turn back time', oh wait…

UltraSpink of Da USA – Thanks! Hopefully this one and the next are a bit longer.

spaztasticdragoon – Thank you very much!

dyinglittelstar – Both… both is good. Lol

Romulo Nidoking BR – You know, everyone keeps telling me that, so I'll have to read that story. Ah, yes, Soryu is the better match for Shinji, though whether she's really there or not is up for you to decide for now. I understand why Asuka got turned into a secondary character for the Rebuilds, though I don't think anyone likes it. In the movie format there just really isn't enough time (thought they could have made like 2-3 hour movies and improved the whole thing and I doubt anyone would have cared about the length), anyways thanks!

Calborghete – Asuka's like a new driver without even a license put in a supercar, how well do you think it's going to end? haha

skyf0x – Thank you for that, as for Asuka… well she's essentially panicking and thinks she's more mature than she is so that's a… concerning… combination…

Guest- Oh, that… let's take this one step at a time, alright? Haha.

A Guy – 'This is getting out of hand! Now there are two of them!' Haha, this last one was on me, I forgot to go in and forward it, I thought it automatically went thought but I might have messed with a settings, so don't worry, if it doesn't show up after two days I think then there's a problem, but just give it a day or so. Misato gets a pony… hmm, I might be able to swing that haha, you're right, this is FAR from over.

Alright folks, extra-long chapter this week, it's that time of year for school so I'm not promising anything anymore, but expect a chapter sometime on Wednesdays for a month or so. That being said, I think this next one will be out this weekend and hopefully it doesn't explode in my face.

Until Next Time.