Thank you for all the support after the drama with the comments. I seriously keep motivated because of ya'll who are excited about where these stories go and are thoughtful enough to leave comments. I love ya'll!
Tris and Tobias had been in a bubble since coming back from Grenada and the dedication of the Community Center expansion. As they laid on the couch watching Boomerang with Pharoh close by, Tobias decides to ask Tris what she wants in a wedding.
"So I know the girls are probably very excited about the wedding planning"
"Yeah, you would think Shauna and Christina didn't have weddings of their own" Tris says with an eye roll.
"What kind of wedding do you want Tris? What did you dream about when you were younger?" Tobias asks as he plays with the ring that sits on her left hand now.
"Ummm, Christina and Rose were always the ones dreaming about big princess dresses and 15 bridesmaids," Tris says as she looks off into space.
"And what about you?"
"Honestly...One day I just stopped dreaming about it. I got sicker and sicker and I never had any interaction with guys so it just stopped being something I thought about, That, and other things I really wanted..."
Tobias shifts so he can pull her close. He and Lauren's wedding had been a huge society affair in Chicago with 400 guests with Lauren having two different dresses, there was a band, a DJ, open bar. Anything that Lauren wanted, her father let her have. His heart constricted at the thought of Tris lying in a hospital bed losing hope that she would even live let alone find love.
"Well as long as I have you, we can have whatever kind of wedding you want, you just tell me what you want," Tobias says nipping on her earlobe causing her to giggle.
"Seeing as I don't know many people I can't imagine it being big"
"Like I said, I just need you" Tobias reassures her and she settles in and turns attention back to the movie and pulls his arms around her tighter.
During Sunday brunch the following week Marlene and Will join them and Tris is whisked away by the ladies as they talk about color schemes and locations while Tobias shakes his head. Christina, Shauna, Marlene, and Rose all giddy with wedding plans even though Tris says she just wants a small wedding she feels as though things are going to quickly get out of control.
"You sure you want to do this?" Uriah teases "Christina is going to make sure Tris lives out her wildest dreams"
"Yeah I'm sure" Tobias chuckles. He wanted Tris to have the wedding of her dreams. He didn't care where it was, or how much it cost, he would make it happen for her.
"Tris, I think T. needs to get tatted to officially be allowed in the family" Uriah yells out across the room.
"Ohhh yes! You can't officially be a part of the club until you do! Marlene, Will that includes you too" Shauna teases.
"Don't look this way, I am not doing that" Caleb says holding his hands up.
"Come on Caleb, it will be fun, I missed out the first time too" Rose begs and playfully pulls on Caleb's arm as he continues to shake his head.
"How did I know this would come up eventually" Tobias chuckles.
He loved tracing the symbols of her tattoos on her back while they laid naked after making love. He had thought about what she said they symbolized for her in Grenada and thought he should get something to symbolize everything he had been through and where he wanted to go. Sitting and chatting with Tris about her bucket list and all the things she missed out on and knowing how his first wife died young he didn't want to miss anything, he wanted to be intentional in growing.
"Do not let them bully you into anything," Tris says as she rolls her eyes and goes to grab a plate.
"I actually was thinking about it anyway," Tobias laughs.
She hadn't been feeling well that morning but Tobias could tell she was putting on a good face for everyone since the excitement of their engagement was still new. She and Caleb had been getting along much better and he and Tobias managed to have a civilized conversation that afternoon under the watchful eye of Uriah and Zeke. He had apologized for all of the bad decisions he had been making and he didn't want to hurt anyone in his family. Andrew and Max had commented that it was a good sign that he was finally accepting responsibility for his actions.
"Caleb where are you off to this afternoon since you are off today?" Hana asks as the guys move the tables to get ready for the afternoon lunch crowd.
"Ummm I'm going to hang out with Susan, catch up" Caleb replies shyly.
"Oh, that's what they call it these days?" Zeke yells out and he shrieks as Caleb starts to chase him around playfully trying to pull him into a headlock.
"Oh no, you two, outside with all that" Hana fusses swatting at them with her dishtowel.
Uriah was off that day so he took the kids to the park with Zeke and Shauna while Rose, Christina, and Tris worked in the restaurant for the day.
"Chris can you take table 7 two cups of coffee, I feel like it's making me want to throw up for some reason today," Tris says as she wipes her forehead when she walks into the kitchen.
"Yeah, sure" Christina replies, narrowing her eyes at Tris.
"What?" Tris raises her eyebrows as she replies wondering why Christina was being so weird.
"Oh nothing, I'll ask you later"
Tris is thankful that it was Sunday and she would have the next few days off. She was worn out and they were only open for 5 hours, she just wanted to go home and curl up with Tobias and Pharaoh on the couch and take a nap.
"So you going to keep holding out on me or do I have to drag it out of you?" Christina says as she and Tris put up the chairs of the tables for the night. Everyone else was in the kitchen so she figured now would be a good time to ask.
"About what?" Tris asks oblivious to what Christina is talking about. Christina looks like her eyes might pop out of her head.
"Tris, I've had three kids, you are so pregnant," Christina says putting her hands on her hip.
"Noooo I'm, not I...I... Oh my God" Tris stammers looking frantic.
"Tris, you turned green every time there was a cup of coffee in front of you today, you look exhausted. Your boobs hurt don't they"
"The last week or so they have been...Oh my God, I'm so stupid" Tris says sitting down in one of the chairs that was still down.
"Tris, haven't you been taking your birth control pills, didn't you notice you missed your period?"
"I didn't take them with me to Grenada, I was so upset I remember throwing them down because I was upset with Tobias for not stopping me from going. I started taking them again when I got home. I have those pills where you only have four periods a year so I haven't had one since like December"
"You need to take a test but I wouldn't be shocked if you are. I Ummm know the signs well"
Christina bites her lip and Tris narrows her eyes at the face she makes.
"Bitch are you pregnant again?! I thought you two were going to wait on baby number 4" Tris says and looks to make sure everyone else was still in the kitchen.
Christina runs her hands down her face as she laughs at Tris and her reaction. Jada was just over a year old now, she and Uriah didn't want to wait too much longer for another baby. They hadn't planned it but they hadn't necessarily been careful either. She and Uriah knew they were going to have a big family. Jalen had truly been the only pregnancy she freaked out over.
"I haven't taken a test either, but I'm pretty sure I am. I haven't even said anything to Uri yet" she laughs out as she shoves Tris playfully on the shoulder.
Tris suddenly feels emotional and feels tears well up in her eyes. This was something she had wanted her whole life. The thing she had only dared to let herself dream about once she met Tobias. When Christina was pregnant with Jalen and Tris was in the hospital the two would plan about how one day Tris would find someone and the two could pick out maternity clothes together and their kids could grow up as close as the two of them were.
"We always wanted to be pregnant together and I never thought..." Tris starts to say with her voice cracking.
"I know, I know, Don't cry!" Christina pulls Tris into a hug and she starts to feel emotional too.
That evening when Tris makes it home Tobias is concerned that Tris still seems queasy after working at the restaurant that afternoon.
"I think you might be coming down with something," he said with concern as he placed the back of his hand on her forehead.
"Tobias, I don't think that's it," she says nervously as she sits on the couch.
"What do you mean?"
"I, ugh, whew how do I say this?" She takes a deep breath and closes her eyes then bites her lip as she looks at her fiancee.
"Baby what is it ?" Tobias asks as he draws his eyebrows together really concerned now.
"When I went to Grenada, I didn't pack my birth control pills. I was so all over the place and upset I didn't even think about them because I never thought you were coming to get me"
"Okay…." Tobias raises his eyebrows and then finally it clicks in his mind what she's saying. They had barely come up for air the five days they were there together before coming back to Chicago. Tobias hadn't even thought about condoms since they had never used them. He spent every minute he could when they were in the room buried deep inside her, making love to her like there was no tomorrow.
"You mean…., you think?"
"I'm sorry, I don't know what I was thinking. I started taking them when I got back but…I feel like something is off. I wanted to throw up every time I smelt any cup of coffee today"
"Whoa, What are we going to do? I think you should still be early enough along..." He stops his statement when he sees the hurt across Tris's face.
"What do you mean what are we going to do?" Tris asks, offended with a scowl on her face as she snatches her hand back from him. Sure this was unplanned but they were already planning on getting married.
"Tris, I don't think I'm okay with this," Tobias admits.
Tobias had done a little research on his own after his brief talk with Zeke. Everything he found made it clear that Tris would automatically be categorized as a high-risk pregnancy because of her transplant. What if her heart gave out on her? His mind was spinning.
"What? You can't be serious right now" Tris says taken aback. She expected him to be shocked but flat out saying he didn't want this, she thrown
"I looked into this already, you would be a high-risk pregnancy the entire pregnancy, that just doesn't seem to be a good idea given your health history"
"My health history! Tobias this is something I never thought I would have and I finally get to have it and you want to take it away from me" Tris huffs out as she paces to the other side of the living room.
"I'm not trying to take anything away from you, I think you are going to be an amazing mother, I see you with Chris and Uriah's kids. Why are you hell-bent on this, can't we adopt instead?"
"Because I want a baby to have a piece of both of us, that's why" Tris yells. She had been trying to keep her voice even but now she just couldn't anymore.
Tobias lets out a huff of air and stares at the ceiling, he had no idea Tris was going to be so stubborn about this. Maybe she just needed to process how much danger she was putting herself in.
"Tris, it's not worth it putting you at risk like this," he says trying to remain as calm as possible but feeling his voice raising to match hers.
"How are you going to tell me what's not worth the risk for my own body? You don't get to make that decision for me! We haven't even spoken to Dr. Matthews yet!" Tris exclaims putting her hands on her hips. Tobias had no idea what it was like to always be put in a box and never be able to make normal everyday decisions.
"Because I can't lose you, Tris, I can't! I can't go through that again and I won't" Tobias says now full-on yelling like she was. He had been apprehensive with the ziplining and other stuff she wanted to do with Uriah, Zeke, and Christina but this was different.
"You won't? You don't have control over that Tobias, no one does. What am I supposed to do not do anything because you are afraid for me? and don't sit here and act like I don't know what it's like to lose someone"
"That's not what I meant and you know, don't throw it back at me"
"So I don't have a choice in this at all? Because you decided that it isn't worth the risk? You can't even understand that even if something were to happen to me, this a chance to have someone remember me when I'm gone, that you can love when I'm not here?"
"Tris I'd rather have you if that's that choice I have to make and you can't stand there and complain about me giving you a choice when you aren't giving me one either!"
Tris rolls her tongue over the back of her teeth. She was so angry she could see red but she had been committed to working on the mistakes she made when she went to Grenada.
"You know what, I need a minute alone." She spins on her heels and heads up the stairs with Pharaoh following closely behind her with his tail between his legs feeling the tension in the air between his owners.
Tobias sits on the couch and puts his head in his hands. What was he going to do? After a few minutes, he decides he needs some fresh air. He can hear the water running upstairs so he figures Tris decided to take a shower to calm down and he probably needed to do the same thing. He grabs his keys and marches out the door not really sure where he was going. He drives aimlessly for a few minutes and without even realizing it he sees he's on the path to The Pit and comes to him who he needs to talk to. It was around 10 pm but he figured the guys were still playing poker.
He pulls up and knocks on the door and chuckles to himself when he hears a roaring laugh and the light songs of New Edition coming from inside.
Max opens the door and furrows his eyebrows when he sees Tobias standing there and ushers him inside.
"Trouble at home," Max asks as they make their way toward the poker table.
"Kind of, Tris and I got into a pretty rough argument and we both needed to calm down"
"Bumblebee can be pretty stubborn, I'm sure she'll cool off" Max reassures him as he pats Tobias on the shoulder before sitting back in his seat.
"Tobias, can we deal you in?" Andrew asks, not wanting to pry.
"Actually, Harrison, I wanted to know if you and I can talk?" Tobias says as he puts his hands in his pockets.
Harrison nods and grabs his beer and Tobias nods when he offers to grab him one too. Since it was still a little breeze in the air in late April. Tobias is reminded of the few months prior when he sat out here with Andrew when he found out that Tris had Lauren's heart and when first asked Tris out while they covered her plants.
"What's going on son?" Harrison asks as he takes a seat on one of the patio chairs.
"Well tonight Tris and I got into an argument about kids" Tobias starts
"Is Tris pregnant?" Harrison asks with his eyes wide.
"We think so, but we aren't sure yet. We weren't planning on it and I had done some reading about pregnancy in heart transplant patients a while ago and everything I read was saying a pregnancy would be high risk for her. I don't want her to take that chance...I…I… don't want to lose her, I don't think I can come back from that again" Tobias says quietly.
"I see" Harrison nods "And she won't budge" Tobis nods in response.
They sit there quietly for a few moments.
"I know what happened with you and your wife and son. If you had to make the choice again, would you do it knowing you could lose your wife?" Tobias asks.
Harrison takes a few moments to gather his thoughts.
"Tobias, we didn't know going into having a baby that Paula was going to die, I can't say that if I knew that ahead of time we would change our mind. One thing you are going to learn as you navigate life after losing your wife is that there are going to be so many what if's and maybe's. I'm happy I have Hana now, but I know I held myself back for so many years afraid of all the what if's because of my loss"
Tobias nods.
"Tris is stubborn but she's been so trapped in not being able to do anything for most of her life, taking risks is something she's going to do. Being a mother, that was one of the things of things she could never even think about until now"
"I hadn't thought about it that way" Tobias admits running his hand over the back of his neck.
"Fear will make us do that. I think you need to ask yourself would you be okay with missing out if everything was fine? Never knowing? "
Tobias nods.
"Do you still blame yourself?" Harrison asks.
Tobias sits up with a start. No one had ever asked him that before. His heart raced and his palms get sweaty. He knows Harrison is right about how he felt deep down for the past two years.
"I guess I do, I was driving, even though the guy ran a red light, I guess I do still feel Iike I could have done something"
"We all feel it, even if it is irrational. If you and Tris decide to go forward with this pregnancy, enjoy every minute. Even when she can't stand the sound of you chewing or when she's in pain from the baby kicking her insides. I thought I lost everything that day when they told me they were both gone, but I have so many good memories too."
Tobias notices Harrison wipe a stray tear away from his eye. Even though Tris's family had been racked by so much tragedy and grief, he was always amazed at how strong and hopeful they were about everything. He didn't want to lose Tris and them not taking a chance wasn't going to bring Lauren back.
"Thanks, Harrison, I appreciate your wisdom"
"Let her cool off, You two are going to be fine and I really do hope I'm getting a new niece or a nephew out of this deal"
Tobias grins as they get up and shake hands before going back inside. Tobias sends Tris a text so she doesn't worry about where he is. He sits down and plays a few hands of poker with the older men, listening to their advice about navigating arguments with their wives before Tris responds asking when he was coming home. He takes that as his cue to leave and bid the older gentlemen goodnight. He stops off at the drugstore and picks up a box of at-home pregnancy tests. When he walks in the door Pharaoh greets him and he makes his way upstairs to find Tris in bed curled up with his pillow.
"I'm sorry I lost my temper earlier and I'm sorry I wasn't trying to empathize with how you felt," He says sitting down on the edge of the bed and handing her the box.
"Thank you," she says quietly as she takes it and sits up against the headboard. "I'm sorry I wasn't considering how you were feeling either"
"I love you, Tris, so much," he says as he cups her face and rubs his thumb across her cheek.
"I love you too, I just really want this even if we didn't plan it," she says as a tear falls down her face which he wipes away.
"Sometimes the things we don't plan end up being just what we need. That's how I found you" he says before he leans down to kiss her. "Do you want to take the test now?"
She looks at the box and then again at him and shakes her head.
"Baby we have to face this and we will do it together, every step of the way. I mean that"
"I, just, what if I'm not," she says quietly looking down at the comforter. "While you were gone, I was thinking about how it would be like to hold our baby, how much I want him or her to look like you or would they have eyes like mine or could they have green eyes like my mom, I want this so much, you have no idea"
"Your Uncle Harry gave me some great advice tonight, We can't live in fear, we might miss out on some great moments because of it. And if you aren't then we get to have fun trying again in the future. But I still want to talk to your doctors to make sure it's really safe for us to do this"
She smiles, she was glad Tobias had talked to Harrison, she had almost picked up the phone to call him herself when she received the text from Tobias telling her where he was. Tris gathers herself up and goes into the bathroom. She comes out and Tobias holds her close while they lie on the bed staring at the ceiling.
"I know we haven't talked about this much or calmly at this point, but do you want to be a dad," Tris asks as she throws her leg over Tobias.
"Honestly, I hadn't until I met you" he answers as best he can.
"Really" She sits up and looks at him.
"Really, Lauren didn't want kids and I was okay with that, but I really love being with you when we have, Jada, Justin, and Jalen. I just thought maybe we could adopt to go easier on your body. I really wanted to see you being a mom but it scares the shit out of me that I could lose you."
She leans over and kisses him. She could feel him relax as she did and she pulls back and smiles. She was understanding what the give and take in a relationship was. She had to consider his thoughts and feelings too, and she had to acknowledge that he had to work through his own fears too.
"Thank you for being real with me" Tobias smiles and pulls her to sit in his lap.
"I'll make a promise. If this is positive and we have this baby. I promise that I will listen to whatever Dr. Matthews says, and if she thinks that it's better for us to adopt then we can adopt all of our babies but I want to give this a chance. "
Tobias looks at her and he feels his heart about to explode. She was so incredible and loving. He was so lucky to have her. He wanted her to be happy and to have everything that she ever wanted, he wanted to have children with her but he was still scared.
"How many kids are we talking about?" Tobias says with a grin and Tris laughs.
"You mean you don't want to give Chris and Uri and run for their money? By the way, Chris thinks she's pregnant too. We always wanted to be pregnant together. We would talk about it until I got really sick."
Tobias leans up and kisses her as the timer on Alexa goes off. Tris takes a deep breath, she was nervous now, what if she had gotten her hopes up for nothing. As if Tobias can read her thoughts he gets up and holds out his hand to her.
"Whatever happens, We are in this together" he promises.
She smiles and places her hand in his and stands up as well. He squeezes her hand before they head into the bathroom together to find out if their lives were about to change again.
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