Pulling my eyes apart from the deep and tiring slumber I had, I realized I wasn't in my room and right beside me was Bokuto instead of Kazue. "Huh?" I muttered, rubbing my eyes to see we were in his room. My eyes scanned from left to right, wall to wall so I wasn't going crazy. It was definitely his room. I've been at his house before so I will know. As my brown eyes went back to Bokuto, I noticed he was shirtless while the blanket peaked his broad and muscular shoulder at me. This caused my heart to act in anxiety. Fearing if I was somehow naked too, I pulled the sheet up and looked at my body. I was hit with a bunch of dread; I am naked.
What the hell did I do last night?
"Mmm…" Bokuto groaned in his sleep as my frantic eyes were on him.
My heart was beating in my chest like crazy. Did we actually do it? There's no other explanation why we're sleeping naked. I really couldn't remember anything. No matter how hard I try to search in my memory file, I get nothing and it's making me frustrated. What I could remember was that Bokuto and I went to a local house party. It was an open invite through Kuroo so we were surrounded by strangers and familiar people from our school. After that, I don't know what went down.
"Goodmorning, Hayashi." Bokuto said in his groggy yet happy voice, pulling me in for a hug.
I froze up in his arms due to my hazy state. I really wanted to know what happened to me.
"What's wrong? Are you okay?" He propped his arm to sit his head up as his fingers played in my hair. Bokuto didn't look bothered whatsoever. He seemed so relaxed and in a good mood.
Instead of acting like I'm fine, I came forward and asked him. There's no need for me to be a coward if I couldn't remember a single thing. "Did we...do the dirty? Because I can't remember anything we did at the party. We arrived there and that's all I can recall. Now we're both naked in your bed and—"
Bokuto quickly understood my anxious state and answered my dying question. "Yes we did because we were drunk."
When he said 'drunk', I immediately had my memories flooding towards the front of my head, showering me the hidden past of last night. We were literally at the party, underage drinking till we were wasted. Someone had to drop off me and Bokuto at his house because I didn't want to show up drunk at my parents' house. Already intoxicated, we were very touchy with one another since we weren't ourselves but a different person in a drunk state. Then we just threw our heavy bodies into bed and became one.
Sitting up in the bed, I hunched my body forward and covered my face as I had the blanket tucked underneath my arms to cover my chest. "Oh...my...gosh…" I cried in disbelief. I hated how careless I was even though I do like Bokuto. This was just too fast to happen. We weren't even an official couple either. He can leave me any day and say that he smashed and dashed, being a whole asshole the next time I encounter him. What if this was a fairytale? I'm only showered by his love and affections so he can lure me into bed. Or maybe he just wanted to hit it with someone who's life is already in shambles so he can destroy me even more.
Tears leaked out from my hot eyes as I cried. My thoughts were very extreme, but sometimes these possibilities can come true. It would hurt very bad if Bokuto wasn't this goofy and nice guy he portrayed himself to be.
"Hayashi…?" Bokuto softly called, seeing that I wasn't responding to his call as he sat up to investigate why in a distressed state. "Why are you crying? Is it because we slept together? If so, I'm sorry. If I wasn't also drunk too then I would've prevent—"
However, this wasn't his fault because it's our fault for being drunk in the first place. We shouldn't have been drinking so heavily at a party we didn't even know about. We only went because Kuroo invited Bokuto and he brought me along. We were pressured by other people to drink so we could fit in, and it stabbed us in the back when me and Bokuto weren't sober enough to realize our actions together in bed.
Removing my hands from my face, I let him see my reddened eyes. "No, we were just swept in the moment and got careless. But my head is going crazy with thoughts of you only using me because I had sex before… And… And…" I choked on my words because I didn't want to portray him as the bad guy but my mind wanted to. It's a way to protect me from getting hurt again.
Bokuto's face flattened as he was sad to hear me struggle. His eyebrows dropped and he frowned. "Come here, Hayashi." Bokuto pulled me into a warming embrace, squeezing his arms around my quivering figure. "I don't have plans on leaving you. I want us to work out. Of course this isn't how our relationship is supposed to start, but you are my first." He shyly admits, chuckling awkwardly. "And I don't regret it because I did want my first to be you once we progressed in our relationship."
Then I forcefully calmed myself down. He's right. Bokuto would never want to hurt me. He has entered into my life and knows so much about me. Bokuto even imprinted himself on to my daughter. He treats her as if she's his own. If Bokuto really wanted to hurt me, he wouldn't have gotten too close for comfort. I acted too soon before I could think rationally.
"I'm sorry," I apologized, feeling a bit bad about putting Bokuto on the spot and slightly accusing him.
Bokuto lifted my face up with his finger tucked underneath my chin and leaned his forehead against mine. "No, it's alright. You have reasons to be scared, but I'm never leaving you until you tell me that it's over."
After recalling the event of last night and getting dressed, I asked him the number one question which can determine if we messed up or not in bed.
"Did we...use protection?" Every heartbeat hit my rib cage because I didn't want to repeat the same mistake from before.
Bokuto nodded his head. "Yeah, my sisters gave some to me." He mumbled as his ears turned really red.
His sisters weren't shy about this topic, but I'm glad that they gave it to him for precaution. It's like they already knew their little brother would be doing that sooner or later. Should I thank them? No that will be weird. I'm just glad we did it with protection.
"Can I see it? I just want to confirm it so I don't get paranoid."
Once spotting the package wrapper and latex layer in the trash can, I was assured that I'm fine. I'm going to get my period soon and there should be no problem.
"So… Should we make it official?" Bokuto asked, fidgeting in his seat.
"We might as well!"
3 weeks later…
I stared at the pregnancy test in my hand. "Damn it…!" I hit the bathroom counter with my free hand. I couldn't believe this. I wished it wasn't true but it was. I bought 4 tests to make sure I wasn't going crazy and it's my period being irregular. "All four of them are positive!"
After the first time we did it with each other, we hadn't done it for many weeks because Bokuto has been busy preparing for nationals since it's already January. For the last few weeks, I've been telling myself that I'm not pregnant because we used protection and we're still in winter so of course I'll be getting sick. However, I've been sensitive to smell and sickness. there's still a slim chance that I still can get pregnant even using protection.
"Arghhhh!" My hands were bunched up in my hair. I really didn't know what to do. I'm back to repeating the same cycle from 2 years ago. "What am I supposed to do?" As I was absorbed in my heavy thoughts, I didn't hear the bathroom door open and see my dad standing there with an agape expression.
"Mayu…" Dad called, snapping me out of my thoughts as I froze in my spot. His eyes felt like I was on fire in the depths of hell. I didn't have to read his face to know he's disappointed in me again. My first pregnancy outraged him and ruined our relationship. Dad closed his eyes and inhaled quietly before looking back at me.
"Dad…" I whimpered out as I trembled in fear. Out of everyone, he had to be the one who walked inside and witnessed all of this. Am I just the personification of disappointment? Nothing good can ever come into my life.
"Mayu, are you pregnant again?" Dad calmly spoke like he's biting back his anger.
My eyes literally watered up and gushed out tears after tears, creating a crying mess. "Y-yes…!" My voice was hoarse. I wanted to be strong but in front of my dad, I felt weak and scared. It's hard not to think about how he reacted two years ago. It left a scar in my heart.
Then I saw him raise his hand as I instantly flinched, thinking he'll hit me or something because he's mad but instead I felt a light touch on my head. "Let's talk to your mom about this."
Click clack click clack
Slowly I opened my eyes, seeing that I'm now alone in the bathroom. Did he really change himself and reflect from his behavior? I'm glad that I wasn't getting chewed out by him though.
Grabbing the tests and dragging my feet out the bathroom, I met my parents in the living room as they awaited me. I couldn't even look at them in the eyes. I felt so ashamed.
"Mayu," Mom gently spoke. "I speculated that you're pregnant for a while now. Your dad told me what he saw in the bathroom." Her brown eyes locked eyes with mine. "What are you going to do? We don't have a say over your decision."
I bit my lips, not sure what to do either but I do know that I needed to tell Bokuto. "...I'm going to tell Bokuto and see what we should do." I knew Bokuto wasn't like Oikawa yet I won't know how he'll react. All I hope is he doesn't leave me for this accident.
Mom got up from her seat and hugged me, stroking my hair. "Honey, it's okay. We're not mad at you. We just don't want to see you hurt again. It killed us to see you so depressed and sad. We fear losing our baby girl to the world."
I had no muscles to hug her even after she reassured me. I felt scared overall.
Later in the day, I called Bokuto to come over because we needed to have a talk. As we sat at the dining table alone while my parents were in their room, waiting for the results to come back in.
Bokuto sat nervously in his seat as I didn't explain why he needed to be at my house. All I texted him was that we needed to talk. Most certainly he would be scared and confused, thinking he did something wrong or whatsoever.
I didn't waste time prolonging this tense situation. "Koutarou," we were on first name basis ever since we made it official. I slid the four pregnancy sticks in front of him. "I'm pregnant."
Immediately, his golden orbs lit up like a light in a dark room. There was a big smile on his face which resembled a little kid receiving a gift they've been wanting for a while. "Really?! Wow, Mayu that's great news! I'm going to be a dad!" He shouted with joy lingering off his words. My parents probably heard his answer.
"HUH?!" Bokuto's reaction took me off guard. He made me really confused about what I should feel in this. "Y-you're not upset…?" I know he shouldn't be how good he treats my daughter but still. There's no ounce of annoyance in him. Bokuto's radiating happiness from his blissful body.
"Of course not! Why would I be?"
"Because it might ruin your career? Or you—"
Bokuto grabbed both of my hands and kissed them. "I'm not Oikawa, Mayu. Whatever happens, I will be there to support you. Whether you want to keep the baby is your choice and I will respect it. I love you a lot,"
How could I put my old fear on Bokuto? He had shown that he's more capable being a man than Oikawa. I'm embarrassed to think like this. I'm so glad to have someone like Bokuto in my life.
Cracking a reassured smile, I teared up a bit. "I'm happy to hear that, Koutarou." A tear slipped as I wiped it away.
"Besides Mayu, you're going to be a great mother! You won't have to worry about being alone this time." Bokuto grinned at me then he poked my nose. "I'm going to be here until the very end."