Chapter 25

After breakfast they watched another Disney film, Finding Nemo, which Tony grumbled about at the start because it was about a wife being killed, and a son being kidnapped. Peter and Pepper just reminded him it had a happy ending. Soon Tony started to enjoy it, making commentary with Peter which they laughed about.

Sometime later, they all agreed they didn't want to leave the comfort of the room. So they all nipped out to quickly change into some fresh PJ's, Peter keeping the hoodie on, and got some snacks. Peter made a call to May to check in, reassure her that he was ok and dad was taking care of him. Promising to check in again later.

Soon they were back in the bedroom, this time doing a puzzle. It had been Pepper suggestion, she quite liked puzzles and thought it might be something fun for all of them. It was a pleasant surprise to Peter, especially when Tony was on board.

A quick visit to his lab had Tony returning with a large flat board which they could set on the bed for the puzzle. It was a forest puzzle, the picture showing lots of green trees, some deer, foxes, rabbits, birds, owls, and whatnot. So there was a lot going on it. May make it difficult, may make it easier.

They soon had the border done, before they divided up piles of pieces to go through to look for section in the middle.

Peter sat crossed legged with a large bowl in his lap, some puzzle pieces in his hand as he looked at the puzzle intently for any key pieces.

"So bud do you want to talk about it?" Tony suddenly said making Peter freeze. He looked at his dad with a deer in the headlights expression.

"About what?"

Tony just raised an eyebrow at him, the puzzle box in his lap full of pieces. What else could he be talking about? Then he softened; "The dreams? Ben? You mentioned the clown thing started after he died. Maybe it's linked to him." Tony prompted gently, studying Peter's face to make sure he wasn't pushing too hard.

"Oh." Peter looked down, picking up some random puzzle pieces and putting them down again, just to keep his hands busy.

When Peter remained silent for a moment, Tony and Pepper shared some concerned glances.

"You're probably right." Peter finally replied quietly without looking up; "The dreams started not long after he died. That night at the Stark Expo..." Peter's throat clogged and he found he had to take some shaky breaths.

"It's ok honey." Pepper covered his hand; "You don't have to talk about it. If it's too hard. If you're not ready. We understand. We just want to let you know we're here. For when you are."

Comforted by her touch, Peter shook his head; "No I want to." He felt safe to, with them, and maybe if he talked about it. Finally confessed the truth. The dreams might stop.

Tony almost felt like jumping for joy hearing Peter want to talk to them. Peter was finally letting them in.

Clearing his throat, Peter took a shaky breath gathering his thoughts before speaking; "I've had a lot of time to think about those nightmares, and losing Ben. The thing that sticks out the most is how powerless I feel during the nightmares, paralysed with fear. That's what I felt after Ben died. The night of the Stark Expo it was supposed to be the best of my life. I was going to meet my hero." Peter turned to Tony blushing a little, and Tony just wrapped an arm around him shifting closer, offering him support to go on; "And then well you know...those drones attacked. People were screaming and running. I got separated from Ben. Caught up in the crowd of people trying to escape. I ended up outside. Alone. The drone approached, and well I tried to act brave. I tried to be you."

Peter smiled wryly at his dad, feeling the way he tightened his hold on him, indicating how much it scared him how he almost lost him.

"I saved you." Tony murmured more to himself, kissing the top of Peter's head.

"You saved me." Peter agreed; "And I watched you fly off stopping other drones and saving people before you disappeared. I was alone again and it was suddenly really silent. Everyone had already escaped. It was then I panicked realising I had lost Ben and I headed back inside searching for him." Peter trailed off gulping, feeling some tears prick his eyes.

"You were too late." Tony offered.

Nodding, Peter turned his face into his dad's chest seeking the comfort; "He was already gone. An explosion. There was some debris and...he didn't make it. I remember standing there, crying, alone, unable to move, scared, and feeling powerless and guilty."

"Guilty?" Pepper interrupted sharply looking at him stunned; "Honey? Why on earth would you feel guilty?"

"Because I left him." Peter sobbed; "I left him alone and I wasn't there when he...maybe if I had been with him, maybe he would still be alive."

"Peter..." Tony started.

"If I hadn't begged to go there in the first place, he might still be alive."

"It's not you fault." Tony snapped shifting and grabbing Peter's chin to force him to look at him; "You hear me. That's not an opinion, or a suggestion. That is a fact. It. Is. Not. Your. Fault. There is nothing you could have done Peter. You were just a kid. It was his job to protect you not the other way round. Ben would say the same. He wouldn't want you to blame yourself.

Sniffing, Peter wiped his face nodding; "I know. Now I do. I was just a kid. But that's why I felt so powerless back then. Because as much as I told myself I could have saved him, I knew I never could. Because I was only a defenceless little kid. I couldn't protect anyone, let alone myself. You had to save me. So when I was grieving Ben, and living with the guilt, I realised that I couldn't protect May either. Something could happen to her and I would be powerless to stop it. I couldn't keep her safe. No where was safe."

"Oh honey." Pepper murmured her eyes watering at how hard that had to be for him then.

"I knew you were out there." Peter said to Tony; "Iron Man. But you were saving the world. You didn't even know I existed. You weren't going to be there to protect me or May."

Tony opened his mouth to protest, but he knew there was nothing he could say to make up for the fact he hadn't been there for his son when he needed him.

"We were just going through the motions after Ben died. Both grieving, both struggling. We got up, went to school and work, came home, had dinner, and went to bed. Hardly talked about anything. Then I was invited to another kid's birthday party at some park and May insisted I go. The school had called her to say they were worried how I was dealing with losing Ben, so she was trying to help. I didn't want to go but she made me. Ned was there, I tried to hang out with him. But all those other kids having fun, it was just too much. I left the group and went behind a tree just to take a breath." At that Peter exhaled sharply; "And that's when it happened."

"The clown?"

"He jumped out at me laughing. I screamed but he just thought it was a normal reaction. He came closer waving a balloon animal at me laughing that creepy laugh, and I panicked. I didn't know what was happening. I didn't know him. What he was going to do. I was scared. And instantly I was back at the Expo. Defenceless. Powerless. I tried to run. He grabbed me, now I see he was probably to try and calm me but then I just lost it. Suffice to say the party was ruined after that. May had to come get me because I was crying. The nightmares started that night."

"Oh buddy." Tony wrapped both arms around Peter, tugging him into a tight hug, burying his face into Peter's hair, hiding his own tears; "I'm so sorry."

Pepper wrapped her arms around him as well, and Peter just clung to them, letting the tears fall.

Now Tony understood. The nightmares were all about how Peter couldn't save Ben. That's why Peter was so determined to be Spider Man now, why he loved it so much. Because he was trying to save other people so they wouldn't have to go through what he did. Tony was instantly flashing back to when he first met Peter, and what he said when Tony asked why he did this.

'When you can do the things I can and you don't and then bad things happen they happen because of you.'

Now it all made sense. Peter had been talking about Ben then. And maybe his parents. He wasn't capable of saving them then, he had been too young. But now he could. He could save people so their families stayed together. It saddened Tony to think how much tragedy Peter had faced and was still so young. Too young for this. Hell Tony didn't become a hero or an Avenger until he was an adult. Peter was just a kid, he should just be a kid, not having to worry about saving other people and putting his own life in danger. And if he could, Tony would make him stop it right now. But he knew he could never do that to Peter, it meant too much to him. And well considering what happened when he last took Peter's suit away, he would rather he could keep an eye on him, and make sure he was safe. Besides, he understood what drove Peter, to protect his family and friends. Keep the world safe.

"You don't have to feel that way anymore buddy. You're not powerless, you're an incredible Superhero, and you're not alone anymore. I've got your back. And so does Pep and Happy. We'll keep you and May safe."

"We'll look out for each other." Pepper added rubbing Peter's back.

And Peter felt like a huge weight had been lifted. Knowing his parents would keep him safe, and May, and knowing he would keep all of them safe. He didn't feel so powerless anymore. No clown could hurt them as long as they had each other's backs. And he was a superhero now, he was Spider Man. Spider Man could handle anything that came his way. Because he had a family, people who were there for him. Always.

He smiled, lifting his head and wiping his face; "Thanks mom, dad. This really helped. I do feel better."

Pleased, Tony pushed the hair from his face and nodded; "I'm really proud of you bud. It took a lot of guts to talk about that. It amazes me how strong you are after everything you've been though. And what you do as Spider Man. I'm really honoured to have you as a son."

Peter was left speechless, a little star struck by the praise. Then he hugged his dad full of love. He felt like he finally had some closure for his past, and maybe now it was time to start enjoying the present and look towards the future.

They got back to work on the puzzle, putting on another movie in the background, Peter with a big smile on his face. He was happy.

0o0o0oo0SPIDERMAN0o0o0oo

They spent most of the day lounging around having fun.

Happy stopped by around lunchtime as a surprise, bringing some takeout and wanting to check on Peter. Peter was very grateful and touched. Watching their interaction, Tony was happy to see they getting on so well.

Later that evening, May popped by to visit. They chatted for a while and all had dinner together, which Peter loved.

The best thing of all, when he went to bed later that night. No nightmares. Just happy dreams about his family.