Sammy braced herself against the wall, her fingernails digging into the peeling paint and dirt. She squeezed her eyes shut tight and swallowed over the lump forming in her throat. Seeing Lee there, dressed up in all his gear, with a little bit of blood on his lip and his head loose on his neck felt like a few hard hits to the gut. It knocked the wind out of her. She wanted to run up and hold him, make it better, clean him up; at the same time, she was still so angry at him. And him following her there? It only made her more angry. She didn't need to be taken care of like a child. She didn't need to be looked after for the rest of her life because she made a few mistakes in her past. Sure, she figured that it wouldn't hurt on occasion, when the nights were dark and her thoughts darker and her skin was clammy and cold with anxiety and sadness and longing for her baby sister, for a life she'd never have. But she was okay for the first time in so long, and she was doing something that was important, that could actually make a difference in the world. For the first time in her entire life she felt a sense of purpose, like she was more than just somebody to be written off as the failed daughter, drug-addicted art school graduate that worked in a bar, or suicide-watch neighbor. Maybe she was all of those things, but dammit, they were not the only parts that made her whole. She was so much more than her shortcomings. She was so much more than the pain she endured, the pain she survived.

Maybe that's what she was. A survivor.

Luna placed a hand on the small of her back and Sammy snapped her head up, meeting her eyes. She blinked away the film of tears threatening to spill over and forced a smile. Luna sighed.

"He's here," Luna said. "You alright?"

"No," Sammy said, turning from the wall and making her way back to the front room. She grabbed some water and downed about half of it before she collapsed into a chair. Her chest felt tight like she was suffocating. Sweat was pooling at her hairline and she wiped at it with the back of her hand.

"You gonna be alright?" Luna asked, sitting across from her and taking the water bottle once she was done. She downed the rest of it.

"I'll be fine to work," Sammy said, and it was the honest answer. If being the screw-up had taught her anything, it was compartmentalization.

"But, with the whole grand gesture thing, I mean. That's what this is, isn't it?"

Sammy shrugged. Truthfully, she had no clue. At one point not long ago she would have insisted that she knew Lee better than anyone. That she could predict his behavior or why he did what he did, but she realized that she couldn't have been more wrong.

"It doesn't matter," she said coldly, glancing up at the surveillance photos behind her. "That matters. He shouldn't have come."

Luna blew out some air and raised a brow.

"It's none of his business anyway, what I do. He couldn't deal with it. He made that clear enough."

"What did he do?" Luna asked.

She looked up at her for a second while she replayed the conversation in her mind. The words were still fresh and they stung something awful.

You try so hard to be something you aren't. You aren't me. You aren't Gunner. And you aren't Riley.

Sammy was none of those people. She was herself. She chose her path in life for herself. He said that he wanted her to live, but would she be living for herself if she gave up on trying to find her place in the world? Especially when she thought that she had finally found it? Maybe it was behind the scope of a sniper rifle, but it was a place unlike his. Maybe she was too much like him and he couldn't stand it. Maybe his reflection gave away more than he realized.

"He said some things," Sammy said over a breath. "He said just the right things, I guess. He has the ability to do that."

"Do we hate him?" Luna asked.

Sammy met her eyes and studied her for a second. She knew that her answer would be meaningful to the entire team she was working with. They'd taken down the Expendables and had them locked up in the next room, and they could just as easily kick them out and send them packing. If she said yes, she wondered if that would be the nail in the coffin for her time in New Orleans, too. She wondered if that would mean a "for sale" sign taking the place of Lee's bike at the front of her house. A blank space taking the place of her art at Tool's shop. She felt like she was just a drifter passing through. How easily forgotten would she be? The people at Rico's had long forgotten her already, that was for sure. But she didn't know if she was ready to face all of that. She had put down roots in Louisiana and had nowhere else to turn to. She couldn't face New York. She couldn't go home. She dropped her eyes from Luna's and studied the table in front of her.

"I don't know," she said, voice hoarse and thick. "I don't know. I really don't-"

Her voice caught in her throat and Luna twitched a hand forward to give her a pat on the arm. It was a welcome gesture.

"They look like they think they're tough," Luna said, her voice teasing. Sammy smiled.

"Oh yeah. Real tough," she joked, sniffing and fighting the urge to cry. "They pack a punch, though."

Luna chuckled. She didn't know the Expendables, but she wondered if maybe she ever would have if life were different.

Captain placed a hand on Sammy's shoulder and caught her attention, her frizzy curls pulled back and away from her face.

"What do we do with them, Gogh?" She asked.

Sammy glanced up at her and caught Angel hovering just behind her and Maggie not far off. They were all waiting for her, like what she was thinking mattered, like her plan for moving ahead meant something more than just what they wanted, what they thought was right.

"We could send them away," Sammy said. "They'd go. But-"

She hesitated. They hadn't done much scouting yet, but if the job ended up being more than what they bargained for, they could use the extra hands. She didn't want to dismiss them just because she was hurting.

"They could come in handy if we need backup. I don't know. I don't think I should make the decision."

"Alright," Cap said, giving her shoulder a squeeze. "We got Bones keeping watch on them. That security worked out, Luna."

Luna mock saluted her. Her laptop was still open on the table, the live footage playing out. There was no more excitement.

"I know about Barney Ross," Maggie said suddenly. "CIA has had eyes on him for a while."

"Of course they have," Angel said.

"He's good at what he does," Maggie said. "Could use him. Get home faster."

"Split the check?" Cap asked with a sigh. "They wander into our business and we're supposed to pay them?"

"Well, that might be the right thing to do, but we could always say their help is the price of their release," Angel said with a smirk. She ran the tip of her tongue over her top teeth. She looked like a lioness or a panther, always ready to strike.

"They didn't come here expecting to be paid," Sammy said. "Maybe they expected me to run away with them. I don't know. They were probably just going along with whatever Lee wanted to do."

"Dedicated team," Cap offered.

"You could say that."

A contemplative silence fell over them and Sammy really wished she could be alone. She wanted to stew in her emotions and let herself feel. She wanted to rage at Lee from behind a closed door, let her tears fall, and sleep off the resentment she felt growing inside of her. She was conflicted because she wanted to go and kiss him but at the same time she wanted to put a world and a half between them. She couldn't deal with the potential raging hurt she would feel at losing him, but she also couldn't stop hearing his words. He was scared to watch her die. She had been scared to watch Riley die, and so she stayed away until it was too late. That was her biggest regret. Not the drugs, not the suicide attempt, not anything else she'd ever done in her life; she'd carry the regret of missing Riley's death in her heart with her forever. It was the kind of regret that not even dying could wash away. Her bones would wither and rot and turn to dust with that regret still laced into their every fiber. Lee was doing what Sammy did while Riley was sick. Pushing her away to try and save himself the hurt later.

But he was back, and Sammy wasn't sure how to feel. She couldn't promise that she would never get hurt, but she could promise that she would fight her damn hardest to live. She had been doing that every second of every day for Lee. He gave her a reason to breathe and made the air lighter in her lungs.

But now he was sitting heavy on her chest and she wondered if he had been drowning her all along. Was the burning she felt in her heart love or was it water flooding her lungs? Was there even any difference? If there wasn't, she figure that there should have been. Seemed like a real serious design flaw.

"When they all come back to their senses, I'll have a talk with them," Cap said. "You guys, sort through their weapons. See if there's anything useful that we don't already have covered."

Angel and Maggie made their way over to the table. They hadn't brought any of their big guns with them, just enough to get by. Sammy knew they had a hell of an arsenal but had never really seen it. She caught sight of Lee's knives glinting in the light and closed her eyes. She remembered when he started teaching her how to throw them.

She had always had a good aim.

—-

"So you're Gunner," Bones said, pointing a crooked finger at the big blonde man. "And Yin-Yang."

Yang nodded. Gunner curled his teeth over his lips into a demented smile.

"That guy is Toll Road. Doesn't leave much to the imagination, does it?"

Gunner chuckled. She was right, it didn't.

"Then there's Hale Caesar, Barney Ross, and Lee Christmas," she finished, tossing the words around in her mouth. "Kind of flashy, don't you think?"

"All we ever really have are our names," Yang said. "They say a lot about us, but most of the time, we do not choose them."

"Poetic," she breathed, crossing her arms and scanning the room again. Lee was dripping blood down onto the floor. She frowned.

"Did you choose your name?" Gunner asked.

"Course not," Bones said. "Call-name."

"Is there a story?" Yang asked.

"Wouldn't you like to know," she scoffed.

"Actually, yes," Yang said matter-of-factly. "We're all tied up here. It is boring."

Bones rolled her eyes. Sure, there was a story behind her call-name. It wasn't something she liked to think about often since it brought her back to when she was younger and more hopeful and had fucking stars in her eyes. She chewed on her lip and thought for a moment.

Don't ask, don't tell really was a bitch.

"It's not very entertaining," she said solemnly, looking up to meet their eyes again. "Actually, it's a shit story."

Yang watched her thoughtfully. He wasn't one to pry, so he just nodded.

"Still gotta pass the time," Gunner said, shifting in his chair. "Would you believe I was born with my name?"

Bones rolled her eyes. "Yeah, a piece of shit from the start, I'll bet."

He chuckled. He twitched his hair off of his forehead and leaned back, wondering how angry Lee was gonna be when he woke up and realized that the entire team was tied up.

Caesar started to groan then. He flexed his muscles and tried to stretch, a few joints popping as he tensed against the bonds. Bones watched him curiously, waiting for him to realize where he was as he yawned and winced.

"Oh, hell no," he said, squinting in the light and looking around the room. "What in the hell-"

"Welcome back," Yang snapped, lifting his cuffed hands up with a jingle. "We got captured."

"Captured?" Caesar snapped, glancing over to Bones. "How in the hell did we-"

"Don't finish that sentence," Bones said, lifting herself from the wall. "It was fair play. Promise."

"Guerrilla warfare, more like it," he grumbled, flexing his fingers.

"You're just mad you couldn't manhandle your way out of it," she said, a laugh teasing the edge of her words. "You know, Caesar was killed by people he thought he could trust in the end."

"You let them take us?" Caesar asked suddenly, tugging at the binds and glaring down towards Yang and gunner.

"Not them," Gunner corrected. "Sammy. We let Sammy take us."

Caesar settled a little bit then. Maybe he could endure the embarrassment for Sammy.

"These three been out the whole time?" He asked, jerking his head towards Barney, Toll, and Lee.

"Oh yeah," Gunner chuckled. "And Lee's got a split lip."

"Oh, splendid," Caesar chuckled. "Somebody call his lady-in-waiting, his highness has a scratch."

Bones laughed along with them. They weren't so bad, she figured. Not too different from her and the people she usually hung around with. If the circumstances had been different, maybe she could've even liked them. Been friends with them. Worked with them.

But the job made it clear who her allegiance was to, and that was Sammy. She wouldn't hesitate to knock them all back out no matter how hard they made her laugh.

—-

Sammy was holding Lee's knives and turning them in her fingers. She watched how the light danced on the blades, freshly sharpened and thin. They could cut through air, flesh, and bone all the same. She tried to imagine him throwing one at a human being and not a target and she shuddered. A few months ago she never would have been able to see it; now, after everything, she definitely could. He could be cold at times. Distant, heartless. His accent might have been sweet but it had a venomous undercurrent, like some kind of silver-tongued riptide. She twirled a blade around her pointer finger and swallowed.

"Maybe you should get some rest," Maggie said, nudging her.

"I'm fine," she lied.

"You aren't," Luna added, taking apart another gun absently. "Sleep is the best way to let your brain work through things. Just a couple hours and we'll wake you if anything changes."

Sammy didn't say anything as she palmed Lee's knife and nodded. She tossed her pack over her shoulder and made her way down the hallway towards where they had been setting up cots. It was the most amount of privacy she would get until she got home, and she knew they were trying to give her that on purpose. She needed a place to feel weak without showing it. A place to cry without staining her fragile ego.

She dumped herself down onto one of the cots and looked up at the ceiling, Lee's knife tight in her fist and against her chest. She wanted the job to be over suddenly, so that she could be back in her own bed in her own house in the safety and quiet of her own walls. She wanted to talk to Riley's picture and work through all the chaos that was spiraling around her. She wanted to try and figure out who she was because she had gone and lost all sense of purpose and self again.

"Riley," she said, her voice a whisper, barely picking up in the air. "You said you fell in love. You left him because you knew what was coming."

Sammy couldn't say for sure if this new adventure would kill her or not. There was definitely a higher chance of it happening now than when she was in art school or working at Rico's. Then again, she didn't have to teams of career mercenaries to come to her defense when she was working the bar, and people could get mean after a few shots.

"But it would have felt different if you decided to stay and he left because he was afraid," she mused.

The knife was heavy on her sternum. She could feel the cold steel through her shirt. She closed her eyes and tried to picture Riley's eyes, soft and sweet and youthful. They had always been curious, wandering around a room from face to face. If she kept her eyes closed, she could pretend that Riley was there with her, sitting beside her on the cot, holding her hand.

"Of course I'm afraid of him dying," she admitted. "But I wouldn't leave him because of it. His death wouldn't hurt any different if I let myself love him or not because no matter what I do or say, those feelings are there."

She tried to picture Riley's sickly sweet smile, the wrinkles on the bridge of her nose, the chilly tickle of her fingerprints against her skin. Love was magical to her baby sister. It wasn't a privilege; it was a promise. It wasn't just a fairytale to dream about, it was an inevitability. Sammy had found it when she wasn't looking. Granted, it was a long time of not looking that lead her to Lee, but still. It had happened.

"I'd rather not even think about him dying. He's not dying. You died."

She flicked the pad of her thumb over the sharp edge of the blade and her breath shuddered as she exhaled.

"But I'm losing him. He's afraid of having people, I think. It was easy for him to love me when he was taking care of me. When I was half of who I am now. If me being close to whole is too much for him, then why should I fight for him?"

She wondered if Riley had felt the bite of heartbreak as well as the comfort of love. She had always known that she would die, that much was clear. She was so aware of her mortality because she had no choice but to face it. That's what cancer does to a person. The people around them try and dismiss mortality because the pain of being left behind is just too much. But having cancer? A terminal diagnosis? Knowing that a round of chemo might give you just a bit more time, delay the inevitable? No, Riley knew there wasn't any time for heartbreak. She probably took it in stride like she did everything. She had her fairytale and she wrapped up that story with a neat little bow and tucked it away for a rainy day. There's a lot to lose in life and just as much to gain, if not more. You can't lose what you don't have. Sammy couldn't lose Lee if she had never had him to begin with. Lee couldn't lose Sammy if he had never had her, either.

And she missed him. She missed Riley, but she missed Lee in a different way. In a not hopelessly impossible kind of way, because he was only in another room and Riley was gone. She was dead and Lee wasn't. Missing Riley was final. Missing Lee felt like such a waste.

"How do I trust him not to hurt me? How do I trust him to trust me?"

She knew she didn't have answers to those questions. She couldn't control what Lee did or didn't do. She felt a tear slip out of one of her closed eyes and let it fall. She held his knife a little bit tighter.

"How do I keep doing this?" She asked, her voice breaking.

She was talking to a ghost she couldn't even see. She felt like a ghost- a ghost of a person she didn't recognize. A shadow of who she thought she would be. A shell of everything she had dreamed of, of every expectation set out for her. She felt empty and numb inside. She was made of flesh and bone but felt more like glass and smoke.

She pressed the tip of Lee's knife into her arm and waited until she could feel the pain. The warm prickle of blood almost startled her, but she bit down on her lips and tried to steady her breathing as her nose stuffed up with tears.

The pain hit at once. It was sharp, dangerous, an old friend she couldn't recall missing as much as she did now that it was there for her again. It reminded her that she was living. She was more than the parts that made her up. She was not glass and smoke. She was soft and physical and pulsing with life. The sum of a beating heart and electric mind. The stories of her family and the memories she had made, the relationships she had forged. This was not a cry for help, it was a bloodletting. A no-good cure for the question of her own existence. She shuddered.

It didn't make her feel better, just high for a second. Then she turned over and let herself cry, bathed in the darkness of a strange room in a strange house in a strange place worlds away from everything she knew and understood. Something about that was comforting, though. These walls would hold her secrets.

There was nobody they could tell.

—-

Barney woke up next. He was grumpy as shit.

"Is that how you usually greet your guests?" He sniped, jutting his chin out towards Bones. She rolled her eyes.

"When they're trespassing, yeah," she said.

"Where's Sammy?" He asked, looking over at Lee who was breathing steadily, fast asleep.

"Not in here," Bones said.

"Well I'll be damned," he groaned. "Smart-ass."

"Thank you."

He shook his fists to try and loosen his binds to no avail. Gunner looked practically amused, sitting with his feet splayed out in front of him at wide angles and his cuffed hands clasped behind his head like he was at some sort of day spa.

"Then where the hell is she? She's the one we wanna talk to," Barney said.

"Yeah, we know," Bones said. "She doesn't wanna talk to you, though."

Barney hesitated and looked over to his team. They all shrugged. Gunner and Yang hadn't seen her since they brought the rest of the guys in.

"I'd rather hear that from her," he said.

"Too bad," Bones said. "She doesn't wanna, or else she'd be here with me right now."

Barney looked over at Lee again. He rolled his head back and groaned.

"Hey man," Caesar said, shrugging. "We all gotta take turns getting caught up in each others shit at some point."

"Yeah, yeah," Barney grunted, stretching out his ankles. "We gonna get untied?"

"Once princess wakes up you can talk to Cap," Bones said.

"He's not gonna leave without talking to Sammy," Barney said.

"Not my problem," Bones shrugged. "Should've thought about that before."

"Yeah, you're telling me," he said.

Bones couldn't help but smirk. They all seemed to be on the same page, then. This Sammy and Lee business was messy and not new. She wished that somebody would follow her into a jungle to profess their love, but not many people were that relentlessly dumb.

"You know about them?" Caesar asked.

"Enough," Bones said. "Sammy let us in on about as much as we'd need to know. Didn't cry about it over ice cream, if that's what you're wondering."

"So defensive," Gunner snarked. Barney glanced sidelong at him and rolled his eyes. His neck was killing him.

"Listen, bring your CO in here and we can have it out. Let the lovebirds fight amongst themselves."

"I don't recall ever taking orders from you before," Bones said, squaring herself off.

"It's not a damn order, it's a request," Barney heaved a sigh. This was incredibly frustrating for him.

"Sorry, we aren't taking requests right now," Bones said with a pout.

Barney stared her down for a minute but she didn't budge. He had to admit, he was moderately impressed. Even Lee would give into him after a good sixty seconds of the Stare.

"Just tell Sammy that I'll talk to her," Barney tried.

"Sorry," Bones said. "No can do."

"Maybe this was a mistake," Caesar griped. "Lee should just learn to think before he talks."

"Yeah, and it's ironic that the only person to understand him when he's angry is the person who shouldn't hear the bullshit he spews," Barney muttered.

Toll sputtered and coughed and drew all of the attention over to himself. He shook in his chair for a moment, unaware of where he was, his binds tugging and rubbing against his skin.

"Calm down there, hulk-smash," Bones said, crossing her arms again. "Welcome back to the real world."

"Stand down, Toll," Barney said. "It's alright."

"What the hell happened?" Toll asked, half-dazed.

"We got made," Gunner said.

"What?"

"The women. They bested us," Yang said.

"Ugh," Toll whined, shaking his head clear and squinting at the rest of the room. "Sammy?"

"Not very happy with us," Caesar said.

"And Lee?"

They glanced towards the sleeping man next to Barney. Toll huffed.

"He ain't gonna be happy about that," he said under his breath.

"None of us are happy," Barney grunted.

"Yeah man, you think I just like sitting here all tied up?" Caesar asked.

"I don't know what you like or don't like, and it's none of my business," Toll said. Caesar shook his head and bit back a laugh.

"He gonna wake up soon?" Bones asked, covering her mouth as she yawned.

"Sorry to bore you," Barney snapped. "You could always cut us free. Would give you something to do."

"I'll pass," she said.

"She won't talk to any of us?" Toll asked.

"If she wanted to, she'd be in here," Bones groaned. "I know you were knocked out, but try to keep up, dude."

"Did she just call me dude?"

"Where the hell are my guns?" Barney asked over Toll, straining to look around his chair.

"In the front, where we put them after we knocked the shit out of you," Bones said. "I'm sure they're going through everything you had on you when you tried sneaking in."

"We weren't sneaking," Barney corrected.

"Oh, what were you gonna do? Ring the bell?"

Barney snapped his mouth closed and shifted his jaw.

"How long are you gonna keep us here?" Caesar asked.

"However long we decide on," Bones said.

Barney shook his head and silently cursed Lee. Sure, he'd be supportive of his friend until the end of the line. That's just the kind of person he was. He made no apologies for it, even if it made him into a bit of an idiot on occasion. Like right then, tied up at the mercy of a group outsourcing for the damn CIA. He should've guessed they'd have surveillance tech. Not everyone was as old-fashioned with those things as he was.

That's when Lee grunted and twitched back to life. He slapped his lips together uncomfortably and grimaced, rolling his shoulders back as he tried to pull his head up. He ran his tongue over his lower lip where the blood had dried and then spat onto the floor in front of him.

"Christmas, welcome back," Barney growled.

"Ah… Watch your voice," Lee groaned.

"Sorry, am I being too loud?" Barney yelled, leaning as far towards him as he could. "Are you uncomfortable?"

"Shut your trap, won't you?" Lee hissed. He hesitated when he went to pull his hands to his face and realized that he couldn't. He tugged at his arms a few times before he blinked a few times and looked around. A shadow fell over his face.

"Morning," Bones said. "Pleasure to make your acquaintance. And before you ask, no, she doesn't wanna talk to you."

Lee's blood ran cold. He was confused. He didn't know who that was that was talking to him or where he was being held. He saw the team watching him, irritated and tired, and tasted the blood on his lip again. Then it hit him: Sammy. The color drained from his face.

"Where is she?" He asked, looking around in a panic. "Is she alright?"

Bones raised her brows and studied him. He was fighting his binds and shaking off his pain. She didn't answer.

"Barn, where is she? Where's Sammy?"

"Simmer down," Barney said. "She's alright. Isn't she, Bones?"

"Yeah," Bones said. "Well, you know. She was until you blokes showed up. Now she's just downright peachy."

Lee's lips parted and he looked passed Bones to the closed door. He yanked at his ties again.

"I need-"

"She doesn't wanna talk," they all said at once, and Lee looked around, confused again.

"You're a little late to the party," Barney said.

"What he said," Bones agreed.

Lee swallowed. It tasted like copper and stung as it glided down his throat. He suddenly felt like crying. He just needed to see her, needed to know that she was okay. She could hate him for all he cared- and he would care an awful lot- but he just needed to see that she was breathing and had blood flowing through her veins.

"Let me see her," he tried, steadying his voice.

Bones sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. She turned and let herself out of the room, shaking her head in frustration. She needed a break.

Lee watched her go and felt his heart sink as the door closed and stayed closed for longer than he figured it would take to get Sammy.

"Well, not everyone can be prince charming," Barney huffed, slouching in his chair. Lee turned his head to him, brows furrowed heavily over half lidded eyes.

"Asshole."