—Harry POV—
It was a dream- more like a memory. I hadn't had one of the Dursley's in almost an eternity. At least that's how it felt. I didn't try to focus on my breathing, I don't think I could if I tried anyway. It's my fault for bringing them up earlier tonight. Talking about them caused everything to resurface. My mind was racing and I didn't realize Draco had removed the covers from over us both and turned on the bedroom lamp. He went to touch my shoulder and I flinched away, still tense and shaking, the Dursley's still fresh in my mind.
"Hey, Hey, It's alright. Follow my breaths... I'm going to take your hand and position it so you can feel my breathing..." I didn't register what he was saying, and when I felt his hand graze mine I pulled away so suddenly and harshly that I almost fell from the bed, causing me to get forcefully yanked back into reality.
After regaining my balance, I cautiously put my hand down back down onto the bed. Finally being able to focus on my breathing.
"It was only a dream... you're safe..." I heard him tell me. I tried, I really tried to listen to him, to allow his words to process inside of me, but I couldn't. I couldn't even speak. I screwed my eyes shut, desperate to just calm my breathing and go back to sleep. But I know I probably wouldn't be sleeping again. Not at this point.
My hands grasped at the bottom of my hairline towards my neck and I pulled, letting out a groan in frustration. Just calm the fuck down.
"Stop that." I could feel hands carefully trying to take my own and I could feel myself curling into a ball. Just stop panicking for no reason. It's gone. It was a dream. But for some reason I felt like if I'd opened my eyes I would see Uncle Vernon right in front of me or even Dudley with his Smelting stick.
"Harry, Harry I need you to focus on me." I heard him say softly. I tried to nod but couldn't bring myself to it. I was scared. I'm a grown man and I'm scared of my own uncle? Pathetic- I heard in my mind. I felt something on my back and I flinched before allowing myself to return my back to where it originally was.
"I'm going to put my hand on your back." When he did it again I fought off my initial reaction. My breathing became more shallow and rapid.
I felt him rub his hand along my back in slow circles. I focused on that. I felt him get closer to me as he continued to draw circles on my back.
"Feel my heart. Feel my breathing." I heard him say. His voice was steady and relaxing.
I took in a sharp, deep breath, and kept it in my lungs. Soon enough though, I felt myself exhale unevenly.
This went on for a small bit until I was able to match his breathing, and relax. I leaned sideways into him.
"Are you alright?" He asked. I nodded numbly, my head aching. The circles on my back soon became a comforting rubbing up and down on my arm on his opposite side. I felt myself let out an exhale of almost relief. My eyes were still closed.
"You're safe. I'm here. You can open your eyes." I know he was right, and I know I should, but I don't want to. I just want sleep to take me over.
"Harry...I have you. Nobody can hurt you like you say in your nightmares." I felt my eyes begrudgingly peel open. I was met with the view of a closed bedroom door in front of me. It made me uncomfortable and anxious. They're coming. I heard in my head.
I turned to look at Draco, fully understanding his presence for the first time since I woke up. I scooted back out of his arm so my back was against the headboard, and I motioned for him to sit right in front of me. He did. I stared at him for second, not speaking, just allowing myself to understand nothing is going to happen. No one is behind me, and Draco is in front of me. I took in a breath and let it go.
"I'm sorry." I whispered, my voice hoarse.
"It's okay. Don't worry... are you feeling alright?"
I shrugged. "I want to sleep." I said. I felt absolutely drained of all energy and emotion.
"Then let's do that." He said softly.
"Can you hug me from behind? For security?" I asked, my dry throat scratching me.
"Of course." He said. "Have some water" he added. I saw him lean over to his nightstand and grab a glass of water. I took it gratefully.
"Thank you." I said, taking a large sip and handing back the glass. He nodded in acknowledgment. "Let's try to get some sleep before the sun rises." He said.
I nodded, moving to lay down on my side. My head still hurt. I felt Draco hug my entire body from behind, wrapping his free arm around my waist. I snuggled into the feeling. I'm safe. Nobody can come behind me. I'm comforted, I'm secure. I told myself, and slowly, I fell back to sleep.
—Draco POV—
I woke up to a small figure shaking me constantly. I groaned, not wanting to stop hugging Harry, and turned my head, opening my eyes to be met with Scorpius. Shit.
"I'm hungry." He whined. "You never sleep this late." I groggily mumbled a tempus charm, not needing my wand, and saw that it was 11:00am. Shit. It's almost time for lunch.
"I'm sorry Scorpius. I didn't sleep last night. I'll be right up. I promise."
"You were sleeping just now though." He questioned.
"Yes, I was. Don't worry I'll get up now. Go ahead and go to the living room. I'll be right over." I told him.
He left the room with the door open. I turned back around to look at Harry, he seemed as though he was sleeping peacefully, and Merlin knows he needs the sleep. I removed my arm from over him and rolled out of bed, everything felt heavy. Yesterday really wasn't a good night for sleep, I was basically up the whole night. And to think, just last night I had that dinner where Maria decided to come and tell me I'm doing everything wrong. I scoffed at that. I rarely do anything wrong. I told myself.
Downstairs I fixed some brunch for Scorpius, and I ate with him while we spoke. Sleep. My brain whined, but I can't, today is just as normal a day as any other. Just then I heard a knock at the door. Scorpius and I went together to open it.
"Maria!" Exclaimed Scorpius excitedly. He always enjoyed seeing her.
"Ay mijo how are you?" She replied with a smile and open arms, which Scorpius definitely jumped into, the two of them in a hug. She knows nobody understands half of what she said, but she insists it wasn't important. I start to think it's like a sort of nickname she has for Scorpius.
"How are you doing today Maria?" I asked, blinking a few times to look less dead than I felt.
"I'm good. Mira. Today is my nephew Carlo's birthday. He's turning 8, and I was wondering if you would let Scorpius come and celebrate with us." She told me, letting go of her hug with Scorpius. I looked down towards him.
"Well how does that sound! Would you like to make some new friends?" I asked him. His eyes were beaming with excitement.
"Can I?" He asked.
"Of course. Let's go get you ready. Say thank you to Maria for inviting you." I said, reminding him of his manners.
He jumped around exclaiming a "thank you!" Before sprinting to his room. I smiled.
"Thank you Maria. I'll get him dressed and bring him right over." I told her.
"Ay sí, of course." She told me. I really wish I understood all of those random words she sticks into our conversations. I brushed it off, as always, thanking her and closing the door before going to help Scorpius get changed.
"All right now Scorpius, I need to explain to you something, but it's a secret do you understand?" I asked him while crouching to his level. He nodded.
"You know how we can do magic?" Another nod. "The people next door can't do that. They don't have magic. And they can't know that we have magic. Okay?"
"But all of my magic happens by accident."
"I know, that's why I'm talking to you about it. You have to promise me that if anything goes wrong, or if anything happens that you didn't want to happen, you'll be okay and you'll try to relax. If you can't I want you right back here and we can work it out together. Understand?" I explained, looking into his eyes. He nodded.
"Now I think you'll be perfectly fine. You've only done magic twice in your life and you don't often get upset. You're there to have a good time. I'll be right here if anything. Okay?" I explained again.
"Okay dada." I gave him a great big hug. And offered a smile.
"Remember, I'm right here if anything." I reiterated. He nodded.
"Alright now let's go to the birthday party." I stood up and took his hand, ready to drop him off. It was now that I became aware of the loud music coming from the house next to ours.
—Harry POV—
I've been in the cupboard for an unknown amount of time, I felt weak and heavy. I had nothing to do, nothing to say, nowhere to pee, and nothing to eat. The small space stank of urine and I could feel every slow beat my heart made. I lay curled up against the door, waiting for it to open. Hoping it might open soon. Uncle Vernon's words replayed in my head over and over.
"You and your freakish, foolish pranks. You can't do anything right. You're lucky I'm only locking you in the cupboard for what you've done to me. Horrible, Selfish, dangerous. You could have killed me. How would you feel then?!" He yelled harshly in my face.
I don't even know how I'd done it. He was gripping me harshly and I tried to fight his grip. The next thing I know, he was on the floor a few feet from me. It was almost as if I'd electrocuted him. But I swear I didn't do anything. He said otherwise though. And well, how else do I explain what happened? I hurt him and I don't even know how. He's right. I don't know how, but Uncle Vernon is right. I am horrible and selfish. I can't believe I actually tried to hurt him... even if I don't know how I'd done that.
I opened my eyes, my chest feeling heavy at the memory. The words kept circling through my mind. Selfish, freakish, foolish, horrible, dangerous. It angered me. It angered me because I know those words all carry even some truth to them. I sat up, I could feel each beat my heart made. It was uncomfortable and made me want to rip my skin off.
I wanted it to stop. I wanted to stop feeling my heart and head pounding against me. I hit my fist against my chest. It wasn't working. My breathing was slow and labored.
I want everything to stop. I don't want to feel anymore.
I thought about how hurting myself makes me numb. I pushed the thought away forcefully. I won't feel anything anymore.
No. I told myself. Then I remembered what Draco told me last night. "Promise you'll talk to me." Draco.
I pounded at my chest again, wanting it to stop. I shut my eyes tight and leaned headfirst into the bed, allowing myself to tip over sideways; feeling that nagging itch everywhere. I felt like I was on fire. I wanted to scratch myself. Draco.
I didn't let myself cry even though my frustrations begged for it. I felt myself scratching my wrists violently.
"Draco" I managed to voice. Even more frustrated that I couldn't scratch my entire body at the same time and just destroy myself until I stopped feeling. Draco.
"Draco" I voiced a little more loudly. I wiped my eyes violently before continuing to scratch the entire length of my arm. Not allowing tears to escape.
"Draco!" I switched arms and continued scratching. Immediately I heard the door open. I sat up and turned my head towards him. My face showed pain.
"Harry.."
"Make it stop." I croaked, closing my eyes again. I was holding myself tightly, my nails digging into my skin.
"I'm right here. Talk to me. What's wrong." I squeezed myself tighter.
"I want it to stop." I said. My eyes were still squeezed shut. I knew if I loosened at all I would cry. I don't want that. I don't want to feel.
I felt him unclasp my hands, I kept them up, and he hugged me tightly so I wouldn't move. I began rubbing harshly up against his shirt.
"Stop that. Just follow my breathing."
"I want to hurt myself. I want to stop feeling. I want to go numb." I told him, my voice cracked.
"I know. It's okay. I've got you."
"I feel like my skin is on fire I need to stop it. I need to stop my heart and head from pounding so loudly." I told him, trying to wriggle free and soothe my itch.
"I need you to relax with me Harry. Stop trying to move. Focus on me." I sniffled, still refusing to cry. To let those emotions come out and make me feel everything. Holding everything in caused me to tremble.
"Remember, you can cry with me." I heard him say into my ear, still holding me tightly. I shook my head. "It's not good to keep it in. You'll feel worse." He said.
I felt a sob escape me but stopped it abruptly, holding my breath before more than the small burst of tears fell.
"Breathe, Harry. Breathe with me. Let yourself cry." I shook my head, still trembling.
"Then talk to me." I shook my head again. I cursed at myself silently for eventually needing to suck in a breath, and I was no longer able to control myself after that, sobbing quietly yet violently while buried against Draco. He was holding me so tightly that I felt him loosen up involuntary when my sob moved me. I took that split second to curl up and try to rid myself of the stupidly horrible and uncomfortable sensation that still encased me.
"No, no. Here. Let me hold you. Focus on me. Don't listen to the urge. Don't satisfy it." I heard him say. I only cried harder and I felt him hug me tightly again. I felt his chest against my ear and I felt his heartbeat. I tried to follow it, and to make my own match it, my skin still on fire.
—Draco POV—
I held him tightly and positioned myself so he could hear my heartbeat easily and without effort. I felt him keep trying to rub his arms harshly against my shirt and I held him tighter. "Shh. Don't worry. Everything is okay."