Chapter 25: The Eyes Have It

Emily walked through the café doors and searched for Peter. She couldn't see him in her initial sweep, so she glanced at her watch and realised she was early. She made her way over to an empty booth and slid into the side that would give her the best view of the front door, and while she waited, she prepared.

Picking at her nails, she thought back over her conversation with Hotch, a few nights ago after they'd returned from Arizona. Once they had addressed his feelings about stepping down as team leader, Hotch had insisted that they return to the subject of Emily's fight with Peter. Hotch had tried to persuade her to give Peter a second chance, but Emily was adamant. She loved him, but that feeling quickly dissipated the moment he had used Zac as ammunition in an argument. If he could do that once, what would stop him from doing it again?

Of course, Emily rolled her eyes, she couldn't tell Hotch about Zac, so she couldn't tell him why she was so clear on her decision. But after they had gotten through that part of the conversation, he seemed to understand Emily's position. And as Hotch held Emily and they distracted each other with more questions about their lives before the BAU, she wondered if the time had come to share that secret with Hotch.

She had come to the conclusion that he would understand… after all, he was a father who was currently separated from his son because of the work they did. So of all of the members of the team she could tell, Hotch would be the most likely to sympathise with her impulse to protect her son.

Emily shook her head… Hotch was already going through so much, so the thought of adding more to his load was unthinkable. Maybe once Jack was back, and Hotch felt like his world was in balance once more, she'd broach the subject.

Emily was broken from her musings when the bell on the door rang, and she looked up to find Peter making his way in. He saw her and waved, and made his way over to the table. Peter ducked down to awkwardly kiss Emily on the cheek, before he slid into the opposite side of the booth. Once the waitress had poured a cup of coffee, he offered a small smile.

"I'm glad you agreed to meet me," Peter said softly, reaching out to take Emily's hand. When she withdrew her hand and placed it in her lap, his face dropped, "I'm sorry."

Emily wrinkled her nose and shook her head, "It's ok… I just think…" she bit her lip, "How's work going?"

Peter nodded, "Busy. We just got our new group of interns, so this week is all about showing them the way things work in the ER…" he paused, "And you?"

"We just got back from Arizona," Emily replied. She took a quick sip of her coffee and as she placed the cup back on the saucer, she looked up at Peter, "So… what did you want to talk about?"

Peter took a deep breath and let out a sigh… straight to it…, "I… uh… I wanted to apologise for the way things went that night. It wasn't my intention to hurt you like that."

Emily bit her lip but stayed silent.

"Emily," Peter said softly, "I don't want you to think that your having Zac, or being a single mom, or even the fact that you're keeping Zac a secret from your team, is something I judge… because it's not. I just said… what I said, because I felt hurt. You choosing Hotch over me all of those times… it hurt."

Emily frowned and shook her head, "I can't keep defending myself, Peter. Hotch and I are just friends."

"He's in love with you."

Emily raised an eyebrow and frowned, "You don't know what you're talking about. He just misses his wife and son."

"Ex-wife," Peter countered, "You said they were divorced."

Emily rolled her eyes, "Yes… they're divorced, but it wasn't because he stopped loving her."

"So what about you, then?" Peter asked, "Are you seriously telling me that you just see Hotch as a friend?"

"Of course I do!" Emily replied, "He's my closest friend, and I love him, but he's just a friend."

Peter sat back and folded his hands in his lap, "Emily, I think you need to take some time and figure out if that's really all it is between the two of you. I've seen you together, and I've seen how you are when you're thinking about him, and I think it's more…" Peter paused and let out a sigh, "I love you, and I just want you to be happy, and if he makes you happy then be with him. But don't keep starting relationships with other people just because you're both scared to admit how you feel about each other."

Peter slid out of the booth, taking out a note and leaving it on the table. He leant down to kiss Emily's cheek, before he stood back up.

"I hope you can be happy."

And with that Peter turned and made his way out of the café, leaving a stunned Emily in her seat. She ran her thumb over the coffee cup in front of her, and thought about what Peter had just said.

Were her feelings for Hotch really deeper than a close friendship?

She shook her head and huffed.

No.

Peter was just looking for an easy way out, and that seemed to be the easiest.

She was not going to apologise for being a good friend, and for giving Hotch a safe place to fall apart. She was not going to apologise for prioritising the needs of her friend, who was struggling through a horrible situation right now.

With that resolute assessment of her situation, Emily tapped her fingers on the table and slid out of the booth, adding a note of her own to the one that Peter had left. And as she walked out of the café, the door shut behind her, and the chapter shut on her relationship with Peter.

"[Morgan's] a natural leader. He'll excel. What happens when he's asked to step down?"

Hotch looked up as Rossi walked away, catching sight of Morgan and Lt. Brantley talking across the room. He turned back to the board and looked at the city map for a moment, before he tapped Rossi on the shoulder and gestured over his shoulder.

"I just need to grab some fresh air," Hotch said softly, "If anyone needs me I'll be out the front."

Rossi turned and nodded, but said nothing in return, before he turned back to the board. Hotch wasn't one to open up, at least not to anyone but Prentiss, so Rossi didn't think it was worth the effort to try and convince him to talk. Maybe when Prentiss and Reid returned, he could take her aside and explain his concerns. For now... they had an unsub to catch.

Hotch made his way through the front foyer, out the doors of the station, and down the steps. Within a minute or two he was on the footpath and in the sunshine. He decided to get some distance from the team, so he made his way down the street, towards a small park across the road, and kept walking until he found an empty bench.

He sat down and brought his hands up to cover his face, while he leant forward and took some deep breaths. His mind was racing with possibilities, and he knew he couldn't fall apart in the station, surrounded by the team, under the watchful eyes of Morgan. But now that he was alone, he felt he could finally let his worries consume him… he knew he had to get back to work, but for a moment he knew he needed to take this time.

Hotch jumped when he felt a familiar hand on his shoulder, and he looked up to find Emily standing next to him, a look of deep concern on her face.

"Are you ok?"

Hotch shook his head and Emily sat next to him on the bench, reaching over to take his hand in hers. She squeezed it as tight as she could, and he found himself thanking every deity in existence for bringing her into his life. He squeezed her hand in reply and felt a sense of relief.

"How did you know?"

Emily huffed, "We were pulling into the parking lot and I saw you walk out of the station. I told Reid that I was going to update you on what the ME gave us on the latest victim."

Hotch nodded, "First things first, then."

Emily smiled softly and squeezed Hotch's hand, "Nothing new from what we already had. He's using some kind of tool… but the ME did confirm that the aspects of the murders are consistent with game-hunting."

Hotch nodded, "Like you said, nothing new."

Emily brought her spare hand over to grip Hotch's so she could bring her closest hand up to squeeze his shoulder, "Ok… now your turn."

She studied his face, noting the furrowed brow and the pallid tone. There was definitely something going on, and while she could safely assume that it had something to do with the new team dynamics, she wanted to hear it from him.

"Just something Rossi asked… about what happens when we catch Foyet… and whether Morgan will be happy to step down from being team leader," Hotch explained, looking over at Emily to see if she understood where this was going.

Emily smiled softly and ran her hand over Hotch's shoulder, "And you think Strauss will be in his corner?"

Hotch shrugged, "He's still figuring out that working relationship… he'll be easier for her to manage, so he'd probably be her first choice if it came down to it."

"You really think, after all of your years of managing Morgan, that Strauss will see him as the better fit?"

Hotch huffed, and shrugged, "I don't know… but now's not the time to figure it out."

Emily nodded and turned her head to check their six, then turned back to quickly kiss Hotch on the cheek. His face went red as he looked over at her, but she just shrugged.

"You're not technically the boss right now, and before today, I never would have hesitated to kiss Morgan on the cheek to cheer him up."

Hotch chuckled and shook his head, reaching over to squeeze Emily's knee, "While I appreciate the sentiment, Prentiss, we are still on-the-clock, so let's keep it all above board."

Emily shrugged again and gently wiped her lipstick from Hotch's cheek, before she stood up from the bench and held out a hand.

"Come on Hotch," she said brightly, "We've got a profile to deliver."

Emily banged around loudly in the kitchen, taking out pots and pans and jars of sauce and boxes of pasta… if any moment called for comfort pesto, it was this one. She grabbed a handful of vegetables from the fridge and tossed them onto the counter, pulled out a chopping board from the cupboard under the bench, and a knife from the block by the stove, and set to slicing up the ingredients.

The chopping was actually pretty cathartic.

Her cell rang and she grabbed it, seeing Zac's name flash on the screen. She put the phone on speaker, and went back to chopping vegetables.

"Hi Zac."

"Woah… Mom… what's wrong?"

Emily huffed, "Trust me, you don't want to know."

"Uh uh… that's not how this works, remember?" Zac countered, holding the phone away from his ear at the loud chopping sounds coming from the other end, "If you're cutting vegetables the same way you'd sever a limb, something is wrong."

Emily chuckled and shook her head, "Don't try to cheer me up… please… I just want to be pissed for a little while."

"Let me guess… it was Hotch who did something to piss you off?"

"He just has no concern for himself… putting himself into situations… the guy was gauging people's fucking eyes out of their sockets for gods sake!"

"Ok, you've lost me," Zac interrupted, "Start from the beginning."

Emily sighed, "We just got back from Oklahoma City – a taxidermist was killing people and taking their eyes out to use in stuffed animals…"

"Wow," Zac huffed.

"Right?" Emily added, "Anyway… Hotch had to step down from being team leader until we catch Foyet, and Morgan has been brought in to act in the position, so I guess Hotch felt like he could break the rules… well… he didn't break any rules, but he definitely should've waited until he had back-up, but he didn't, and he took on the guy on his own."

"Ok," Zac replied, "And I'm guessing he got hurt?"

"Not really," Emily replied, "I mean he caught the guy and had him cuffed before anyone else got there, and he took care of the victim, so she's alive but…" Emily paused and bit her lip, cutting the zucchini, "He could've been hurt… he could've been killed!"

"Mom," Zac implored, "You know he's more than capable of looking after himself, and he wasn't actually hurt, right?"

"I know that," Emily replied, "But the point is that he could've been hurt!"

"You know what you sound like?" Zac asked. At his mom's silence, Zac continued, "You sound like a worried partner."

Emily groaned, "Seriously? You too? How many times do I have to say this? Hotch is my friend, and I'm worried about him!" Emily retorted, "Besides which, he's going through an awful time right now, and I'm worried that he's taking way too many chances with his own safety."

"Ok… ok…" Zac replied, "I'm just saying, he did his job. He caught the guy and saved the victim. It's what he's supposed to do, right? You can't honestly tell me that you haven't done the exact same thing."

"When do I ever get the chance?" Emily replied, "I'm surrounded by Alpha males who insist on doing the takedowns themselves." Zac laughed and Emily smiled, spinning the tip of the blade on the wooden chopping board, "I'm serious… they all swoop in to save the day and I just stand there like a bump on a log."

"Mom, you never have been, nor will you ever be, a peaceful bystander," Zac replied, "As much as it pains me to say, because I hate that you work in a job where you could get hurt… you kick ass. You are a badass woman."

Emily rolled her eyes, and nodded, "Fine… I'm a badass woman. But that doesn't stop me from being ridiculously angry with Hotch right now."

This time it was Zac's turn to groan, "You know my position on that particular issue, so I'm not going to bore you by repeating it."

Emily smiled and nodded, "Ok, well then tell me about your life. Are you still dating that girl… uh… Amy?"

"Yeah… I told her about moving back east when the program's over and she's uh… she's not keen."

"I'm sorry, sweetheart," Emily said softly, "But she has time to change her mind, right?"

Zac shrugged, "I think I'll just focus on finishing my program and getting ready for my PhD," Zac replied, "But I have got some potentially good news."

"Please share!"

Zac chuckled, "Well, I've been thinking about doing something after this program, but before starting my doctorate, and my advisor suggested doing an assignment with the WHO. Applications for next year have to be in soon, and if I get in, they'll deploy me somewhere… I don't know where… for about six months."

"That sounds perfect," Emily replied, "And maybe your good ol' mother can come for a visit?"

Zac laughed and nodded, "Exactly… maybe I'll end up somewhere exotic and you can cash in some of your piles of vacation days you've got saved up."

Emily opened her mouth to reply, but was interrupted at a knock at the door, "Hang on bud, someone's at the door."

Emily left the knife but took her cell, turning off the speaker, and headed down the hall to check the door. She rolled her eyes and opened the door to find Hotch standing there.

"Hi," Hotch said softly, "We need to talk."

Emily put the phone up to her ear and held a finger up to Hotch, "I have to go," Emily said into the phone as she turned away, "I'll call you later."

Zac grinned, "Can't you just keep me on the line?"

"Goodbye, Zac," Emily replied, clicking the button and ending the call. She turned back to Hotch and crossed her arms, "What are you doing here, Hotch?"

"You've barely said a word to me since we caught Earl, and I wanted to make sure you're ok," Hotch replied, gesturing to the apartment, "Can I come in?"

Emily studied his face for a moment, and she was slightly amused at the increase in concern on his face, the longer she took to mull it over. She rolled her eyes, deciding to take pity on him, and stepped back to make space for him to walk through. He continued down the hall and stopped in the kitchen, pointing to the chopping board with the knife marks in it as Emily joined him.

"What's going on here?"

Emily huffed, returning to her place at the chopping board and starting on the broccoli.

"You wanted to talk, so talk," she replied, ignoring his question.

Hotch smiled softly, and walked over to the kitchen sink to wash his hands. He dried them on the handtowel and then moved to stand next to Emily, scooping up the carrots she had already cut into small pieces and transferring them into the waiting bowl. He'd been to her place enough times that he knew her process for comfort pesto, and he didn't want to stand there awkwardly while she worked.

Hotch glanced over to Emily and watched her face. She was being careful not to show any emotion. He huffed at her skills with compartmentalisation.

"I know you're mad," Hotch said quietly.

"If you know I'm mad, then what is there to talk about?" Emily replied quickly, finishing with the broccoli and moving onto the capsicum.

"I wasn't trying to be the hero," Hotch said sternly, "I heard the victim screaming and had to get there before he finished the job."

Emily bit her lip, keeping her eyes glued to the chopping board, "You don't think Morgan has had the exact same justification every single time he's run into a situation with an unsub? And every time he's done that, you've called him out on it."

Hotch shook his head, "I'm just trying to find a way to be ok with this situation, Emily."

Emily turned to face Hotch, realised the knife was pointed in an unsavoury direction and placed it flat on the chopping board before she continued, "You don't get it… you ran into that situation with no regard for your own safety!" she shouted, "I'm not angry that you're a hypocrite… I'm angry that you could've been killed!"

On the last word, Emily's voice broke and Hotch instinctively reached out for her, pulling her to his chest and feeling her body shake. Emily pushed away from Hotch and shook her head, hitting his chest with her hands.

"I'm not crying, you idiot… I'm furious!"

Hotch couldn't help the huff that escaped his mouth, and Emily looked up at him, staring into his eyes for a moment, before they both burst out laughing.

As their laughter started to die down, Emily looked up at Hotch with a frown, "You have to know that putting yourself in harm's way isn't going to help, right?"

Hotch nodded, pulling Emily back to his chest and running his hands over her hair and back. He huffed when she didn't fight him the second time around, her arms wrapping around his waist and locking at his back.

"You need to make better decisions, Aaron," Emily implored, using his first name for emphasis. She wished he could understand how much it terrified her when he did things like that. Sure, at the time, she had been impressed. You could even say she found it slightly attractive, that he'd managed to break his own precious rules, run-down an unsub on his own, cuffed the guy before any back-up arrived, and helped free the victim.

"I know, Em," Hotch replied, acknowledging her use of his first name by using her pet-name, "And I'm sorry."

Emily pushed back from Hotch, but kept her hands on his waist, and looked up to meet his eyes. His apology seemed sincere, his eyes soft and his smile gentle. She couldn't stand it if Hotch started hiding from her now, hiding his true feelings about his situation. They'd come too far to go back now.

"So you'll never do it again?" she asked imploringly. Hotch simply shrugged in reply and Emily rolled her eyes and withdrew from his arms, turning back to the chopping board.

"What can I do to help?" Hotch asked, leaning his hip against the counter and watching his friend as she tried to avoid his gaze.

"You can fill up the pot with water and start the burner," Emily replied, looking up at him and offering a coy smile, "I assume you're sticking around for dinner."