I am so excited I'm finally reaching this area. I've been waiting to start writing these chapters since I started working on this story again! I really hope if anyone is reading this that they have made it this far lol... I realize I have a lot of chapters up already
Marina PoV
Marina burst into tears as soon as she got outside of Kenny's house. Part of her wanted to just turn around and run back inside and tell him that she didn't mean it. She definitely liked him, but Kenny McCormick was dangerous waters. She knew way too much about him, being his best friend for years, she saw how many times he got bored with a girl. She also wasn't ready to date again, she didn't know what Kenny would be like as a boyfriend. She couldn't handle dating another guy who tried to completely control her.
Marina sobbed as she drove to her house, she felt like she broke his heart. She didn't know for sure, but she knew hers was breaking at the thought.
She was happy to see that her dad and Liane seemed to still be gone. She hoped Cartman was in his room.
"Well well well, If it isn't my hot step-sister. Did you have fun on your after school sex adventure?" Cartman asked as soon as she stepped into the door.
"Cartman please, I can't deal with you right now." She sighed, glancing at him as she headed toward the stairs.
Cartman's attitude changed once he saw she was crying, "Wait. Are you crying? Who did this to you?" He asked in an angry voice, "Who will be I fucking up?"
"Nobody. I did this to myself."
Cartman quickly crossed the room and pulled her into a hug, her arms awkwardly wrapped loosely around his back, "You don't have to hug me. I'm crying over myself."
"Shut up and accept that you need a hug."
A sob escaped her lips, "I hate Adam."
"We all do." He told her in a comforting voice, rubbing his hand up and down her back, "But what made us hate him more?"
"The way he acted as a boyfriend, is making me not want another one."
"Not everyone is like Adam."
"Adam wasn't like that until about a month in."
"Well.." Cartman went silent, she knew he didn't know what to say, she was okay with that.
"Where the hell is Kenny?" Stan called out of his open window to Cartman and Marina as they were walking up to his car.
"No idea." Marina shrugged.
"Probably stayed the night at some girls house."
"Maybe."
Stan started to drive off when he caught the glimpse of Kenny running up his street. He stopped the car at the corner.
"How much for an hour?" Cartman yelled out of Stan's window as Kenny approached the car.
"I cost way more than you could ever afford Cartman." He laughed.
"You good bro?" Stan asked as he started driving again.
"Yeah, sorry, I lost track of time." He chuckled.
"Are you high right now?" Marina asked.
"Yeah you smell like pot." Kyle added.
Kenny looked over at Kyle, "Yeah, I smoked one this morning.." He smiled.
His phone buzzed and he pulled it out of his pocket. Marina kept her face forward but looked over with just her eyes to see who was texting him so early.
Ashley
Did you bring the stuff?
Kenny
Yep
Ashley
Where do you wanna meet at?
And did you bring a condom?
Kenny
You think I don't keep one of those on me at all times?
I'll meet up wherever you think we can get away with smoking and screwing sweetheart ;)
Ashley
I know a place :D
Marina looked straight, tears burning her eyes. She didn't know why she wanted to cry, she was the one who told him she didn't want to be exclusive. She should have known, in fact she did know. She was worried that he would easily move on to the next girl, and clearly he had.
Marina sat up straighter, fixing her posture, reminding herself that she was now a confident bitch.
"Hey Mar, I won't be in first period today. But I honestly wouldn't be any help anyway since I didn't read the chapters last night. You'll be fine right?" Kenny told her, speaking toward the window next to him.
"I guess." Her voice came out raspy, she cleared her throat and looked away from his direction.
He was clearly mad or upset at her, she didn't blame him. But she didn't expect him to not even be able to face her. Now he was skipping their class.
Kenny was texting the entire way into the school, walking behind everyone. "Is he acting weird this morning?" Kyle asked her.
"Yeah." Marina nodded.
"Do you know why?"
"Nope."
"Now you're acting weird.. Did something happen between you guys?"
"Nah. I'm just tired." She gave him a smile, trying to get him to stop asking questions.
"That makes sense."
After about 10 minutes of waiting on Kenny, Stan finally sighed and started his car, "Guess we are back to this again."
"I don't know why he doesn't have the decency to just text us and tell us he isn't going to need a ride home." Kyle sighed.
"Because he is thinking with his dick, that's why." Cartman added.
"He's been missing all day. He wasn't at lunch either, did he leave after whatever he did first period?" Marina asked.
"He was in the class I had with him." Stan told her as he started driving.
Marina went into work that evening, the girls that night were planning on going to the bar afterward. The last couple times she was able to get in easily and get alcohol without a problem. But this time ended up being different. They wanted an ID to get in, and she not only was under 21, but also under 18. She told them she would see them later and headed home, stopping by the grocery store on the way, the one she knew she'd be able to buy alcohol at.
She grabbed a big bottle of Vodka and headed to the front, "Hi Marina." Theresa greeted her.
"Hey girl, how are you? You got me?" She asked sitting the bottle down.
"You know I always do. Because it's for your dad right?" Theresa replied loudly.
"Of course. You know he's so exhausted from running this place." Marina smiled.
"How are you doing? High school going well?"
"Nope."
"Do you want me to charge this to the store or are you wanting to pay for it?"
"Pay for it. I don't want him to know." Marina handed her a 20 dollar bill, "And high school is ridiculous, I can't wait to just graduate. It's been a bad day. Tried to go to the bar but I couldn't get in tonight."
"No fake ID?" She asked softly.
Marina shook her head.
Theresa looked over to see if anyone was in line behind Marina, she quickly grabbed the change and leaned forward, "If you still have my number, text me. I know a guy."
"Wow that's awesome. Thanks!" Marina smiled.
"Anything for my girl! I miss you coming in here and chatting with me while I was bored!"
"I miss coming in here too. I'll come more often!"
"You should just take your dad up on that job offer and come work with me!"
"I can't work for my dad. He makes me too mad." Marina laughed.
Kenny PoV
Kenny sighed as he realized his high was going away. He was out of weed now and didn't think Stan would be up that late. Realizing his parents probably had some laying around, he went on a search of the living room and kitchen. He finally found some on the very top shelf of one of the kitchen cabinets, pushed behind some random cups.
He grabbed what he needed and went back into his room, he quickly and sloppily rolled himself a joint and quickly lit it up.
In the middle of smoking, he remembered the book Marina's mom gave him. Kenny had almost forgotten about it. He tried to remember why it was so important for him to have it. He suddenly remembered her not really saying. His curiosity grew as he couldn't think of why he wasn't supposed to let her know that he had it. He swung his legs over the side of his bed and moved his closet door over so that he could open the drawer of the dresser inside of the closet.
He shoved things around until he finally found it. He walked back over to his bed, propping his feet back up, he took a long hit and opened the book.
He opened just the cover, the printed words of "This book belongs to" bold on the top of the very front page, and in girly handwriting Marina's name was written with a pink glitter pen, a heart over the 'i'. "Classic." Kenny whispered to himself.
In purple glitter pen, the words 'For my eyes ONLY!' were along the bottom.
He felt a little bit guilty. He was already running away from feelings. Trying to be normal again. He knew that there was no going back mentally if he turned the page, he would know secrets that he probably didn't want to know. But he had to know why her mom gave it to him. Why it was important for him to have it.
He took a hit before he turned the page, the entire sheet was filled with her 5th grader handwriting.
'Dear Diary?
I had my first day of school today. I met these really nice boys at the bus stop. I hope we are friends now. I also met two nice girls at school, Wendy and Bebe, they invited me to sit at the girl table. I actually really wanted to sit with the boys, but it was okay. I found out that Stan and Wendy have been dating for a couple years now. That is pretty cool. Anyway. Today is done and I am going to sleep. I hope school is good tomorrow.'
"Lame." He sighed as he took another hit, moving to the next page.
'Dear Diary,
I came out of my house this morning and one of the boys named Kenny McCormick was waiting for me. He walked with me to the bus stop. He is a little hard to understand through his jacket. And I haven't seen more than his eyes yet. He always has his hood up. I think that Eric called him poor. Maybe he doesn't have any clothes but his pants and his coat. If he doesn't I am going to ask my mom if we can get him a shirt. He is really really nice to me.'
He turned again.
'Dear Diary,
Today Kenny came over to hang out.. I asked him if he would take off his hood so that I could see his whole face. He did it. Guess what. KENNY IS SO CUTE! And he is so sweet! He is my best friend so far.'
Kenny laughed as he put the joint into his mouth, breathing in as he turned the page again.
The next page was filled with a bunch of hearts circling 'Mrs. McCormick', 'Mrs Marina McCormick' and, 'Marina McCormick'. Kenny coughed in surprise and the joint dropped out of his mouth, "Shit!" He quickly grabbed it off of the bed and set it beside him on his nightstand.
He looked over the page and turned to the next one, which was also filled with the same.
"No fucking way!" He laughed out loud, turning again.
'Dear Diary,
Sorry Diary, I know it's been a month. I am in LOVE with Kenny McCormick. I want to be his girlfriend. But I am too afraid to ask him. I told my mom and she said that if he liked me he would ask me out. He is so handsome and so nice to me. He waits for me every morning and walks me home after school. I really hope he likes me. I want to marry him one day. I think Marina McCormick sounds good don't you? Anyway, I'm going to bed now.
Kenny chewed on his lip, swallowing away the sadness that was creeping up into his mind. He flipped through the next couple pages, poorly done drawings of a girl and boy who he assumed was them, filled many of the pages, as well as different variations of her name. Some of them even said 'Kenny + Marina'. He laughed as he breezed through. Some entries were in there, but he wanted to see when she last wrote something down in her diary.
The very last page had a neater handwriting.
'Last page in the notebook left, fitting for this moment... I am about to be a sophomore. I came back today because my 5th grade self would be screaming right now! I just lost my virginity to Kenny McCormick. It might have been a terrible idea.. I wish we could have kissed for longer, even though his lips were rough and chapped. We didn't have to get naked, which was good because I don't think I am ready for a guy to see me naked yet. Specially Kenny! He is so much cuter than me. I hope tomorrow isn't too awkward!
Kenny slammed the book shut, tossing it further down the bed. He looked over at his joint, there was maybe one hit left. He turned it and put it out against one of the cans on his night stand. He looked at the book again before he laid down and closed his eyes.
His eyes stung with tears, he fought hard against them. He was doing so good at not crying, he wasn't about change that over some diary she had when she was in the 5th grade. Though he did wish that she still felt that way. He wondered when it changed, what made it change. Was it something he did? Was it the sleeping around?
He was still mad at himself for even telling her. He was just so upset after hearing she was sleeping with someone else that it came out like word vomit. But for what? He had tried to sleep with other people, why wouldn't he assume the same for her? Kenny knew he shouldn't have continued to sleep with her, he should have known it would turn into this. He should have known it could have ended up bad, ruining their friendship. Why didn't he try harder to protect their friendship. Now it just felt awkward around her. He was selfish. He knew it was selfish, but he did it anyway. He had been running away from letting any girl hurt him all of his life. He was always in control of his feelings. Kenny never slept with a girl too many times, and if did have sex with the same girl again, it was always a while after the last time, with other girls between. The very few relationships he had, he ended them early because he became bored with them, or they ended up annoying him. Marina was different. She was already his best friend, he already enjoyed being around her. He couldn't understand why he let himself fall into feeling way more for her. Now he was having to fight against letting himself feel hurt, and it was hard. He decided last night that he was going to just go back to doing what he always did, run from life by being careless. Finding ways to make himself feel alive. Distract him from the fact that he felt like he was just living in some simulation and he was able to come back to life because he wasn't actually real. Tears stung his eyes again and he shook his head, swallowing hard. "Think of something else Kenny." He whispered out loud, taking a deep breath.