I've accidentally created a false reality
It takes me a few deep breaths before I'm able to reenter the living room to face Kai again. His gaze was so dark and foreboding, especially at those last moments. When I finally reached my room, I had to lean on the door to calm myself. I was so smooth in front of him, it wasn't until I was alone that I realized just how charged the moment was. At least, for me, it was charged. I'm not sure if he can see past the red-hot anger of having his schedule messed with.
But truthfully, Kai's insane if he thinks we're doing well at this point. I'm barely stumbling along by the skin of my teeth, half of his associates are in his grandfather's pocket, and even if people do believe we're in love, they have doubts we'll be able to get around the whole Mathilda issue. If we want to make it all the way to December, we need to make some progress in looking like an acutal couple.
Smoothing down the cotton shorts and plain shirt I left behind for days like these where I just end up here unplanned, I open the door and skip back out to meet him. Kai's still on his phone, of course, texting furiously.
"Yelling at Romero?" I ask casually, pulling up next to him.
"If I were yelling, you'd know,"
I'm sure I would. The memory of his sharp look when he came in from the elevator flashes in my mind's eye. I twist away from it, focusing instead on the way his fingers fly across the screen. Whoever he's talking to must be important. He only ever sends me terse, to-the-point messages.
"Are you ready?"
He looks at me through his lashes, head still titled down. His scowl deepens and I bite my bottom lip to keep it from curving up into a smirk at his irritation. And then, all at once, he relaxes. That anger just burns out, as if he suffocates it before it can raise up higher.
"Come on," He turns on his heels.
My body hums with the excitment of getting what I want as I follow his steps, crossing the threshold from the common areas to Kai's space. At that point, the energy surrounding us takes on a new feeling. Even walking into his office is less intrusive. As illogical as it is, it's like I'm entering an area I shouldn't be in.
The hall turns left. The shiny marble floors from the living room carry through the wide walkway, reflecting the series of recessed lights in the ceiling, which is much lower here than it is in the living room, creating a more closed feeling, but no less lavish than the rest of the place. Two sets of double doors line the right side of the hallway and another set of double doors at the very end.
Shallow display cases run along the left wall. The cases are meant for art or photos; fragile personal items. These shelves are empty. I try to determine what that means in terms of Kai, but he doesn't give me much of a chance.
Kai stops at the first door. Peering down at me with those dark eyes, he places both hands on the both door handles. "Are you ready?" he says, throwing my earlier words back at me.
My breath hitches at the intensity of his look and words. I struggle to place what's on the other side of those doors. Without waiting for my reply, he swings them open. The lights come on at the motion, similar to his office.
Exercise equipment is situated around the room, evenly arranged. It all looks heavy and professional, from the bench press to the treadmill that faces the wall of windows at the back of the room. One wall is a series of mirrors perfectly reflecting the room and the on the opposite wall is a row of kettlebells and dumbbells organized by weight, growing larger until they're a scary size that I doubt I'd even be able to move.
I turn to Kai, blinking. "Your gym?" I ask dumbly.
His scowl tilts into a smirk. He enjoyed setting my suspicions up. "What, did you think this body happened by accident?"
His suit lines his form well but the layers make it easy for me to ignore what I know lies underneath. A wave of heat rises up my chest and turn away to collect myself. "Well," I say. And nothing else follows. Shaking my head, I walk around him to the next set of doors. Behind me, I hear the click of the gym doors shutting and then his shoes tapping on the tile floor.
No words this time as he opens this room. It's a bedroom. All of the furniture in the room, from the headboard to the dressers and nightstands, is white. Even the comforter is white, accented only by a pop of red by the throw blanket at the foot of the large bed. The red is repeated in various decorations around the room.
"Yours?"
"Another guest," he answers, closing the door.
I narrow my eyes at that. If this bedroom is so close to his, then why put me all the way across the condo? Wouldn't it be more useful for me to be close? Unless he didn't want me close. That sinking feeling from before returns. If he's this touchy about people being in his space, even if they're invited, maybe I am overstepping by forcing him to give me this tour.
Too late for me to do anything, as he's already moved on to the next. With no other doors left, I know this must be his bedroom. He grabs only a single door handle this time, pushing the door open for me to enter. I have to step in front of him to go in, brushing past through the narrow gap between him and the other door. As I do, I get a hint of his subtle cologne. It's familiar by now, seared into my mind as 'Kai', but no less sharp.
Like the other rooms, the lights come on automatically, though dimmer. This room has the same high ceilings as the living room. While it doesn't have a wall of windows, at the back end of the room is a tall loft. Light pours over the bedroom from there.
The bed is simple. Atop a dark wooden headboard and platform base is a large mattress with a light gray comforter. Two matching nightstands with wire lights on either side. Across from the bed is a dresser and above that, where all the other rooms have TVs, is a blank wall.
All the walls are blank, in fact. There doesn't appear to be a single personal item in here. It could be a hotel room if I didn't know any better. I walk around the bed. On the other side is a sitting area made up of a single chair a small couch and a small round coffee table. A book without a dust jacket sits on the table, a pen sticking out of the top as a bookmark. At least I know he reads. And annotates? That sticks out as important to me and I file it away to ponder over later. On the other side of the couch is a balcony that lets in a small amount of evening light, though it's tinted.
"Access to the patio outside," I say, pointing up at the loft above the sitting area.
Kai nods his head towards a spiral staircase in the corner. I give him a questioning look, silently asking permission to go up. When he doesn't stop me, I climb the steps, gripping the railing the entire way. At the top is another collection of sitting furniture and also set of three concrete steps that lead to the patio outside. The stairs rattle as Kai trails after me. My attention is solely on the glass doors. When I push them open, the world expands. I imagine Kai standing out here alone, with the perfect view of the world at his feet.
I close the doors behind me and follow him back down the stairs. The door next to the stairs is the bathroom, which normally wouldn't interest me at all. It's a bathroom, nothing new there. Except even in the dark shadow of the room, I can see a detail that I can't ignore. Peering in, the light comes on and I gasp.
The master bathroom is fit for a king. Obviously. The glass shower is large enough to fit eight or ten people. It has a place to sit. And calling it double vanity wouldn't do the counter space justice. It's massive. Farther back is a soaking tub seemingly in the middle of the room with a skylight over it.
Everything is built into rugged gray stone. It's what you'd expect to see in a wine cellar of an old castle.
"It's...interesting," I say to Kai as he leans against the doorway. The bathroom itself is at least as big as my bedroom here.
"It's not what I would have put in," he says, "but I don't intend on staying here indefinitely so there's no point in changing it."
He plans on leaving someday. Somehow, that answers the question of why nothing here feels like Kai. He's never bothered to make it his own.
"Is that enough of a tour for you?" He asks then as if he's more annoyed now than he was when I told him about it.
"Unless you're hiding the wardrobe for Narnia back here, I'm good."
"Then I'd like to get back to the work your impromptu recon mission took me away from,"
I wave an arm in the direction of his bedroom. "Lead the way,"
He gives me that same flat, irritated look but walks away with long strides. I trail after him, looking every which direction, trying to lock every memory down. It's not that I think I'm going to be quizzed on the color of Kai's bedspread, but I'd like to be ready just in case it comes up.
On the way, I spy a small wooden top sitting on the dresser. It's old but still clearly a toy and very out of place. Stepping over, I see the small details of a winged creature carved into the top and a spiral that leads down to the metal point on the bottom. Gripping the tip between my thumb and first two fingers, I'm filled with the instinct to give it a spin.
"My dad gave that to me,"
I drop it. It bounces from the dresser to the floor and I scramble after it before the top can roll under the dresser. I smile sheepishly as I put it back where I found it. "Sorry, I didn't mean to be - "
What? Noisy? That's absolutely what I meant to do. But Kai seems to understand my harmless intent. Or, at least, he's not upset at my touching what's not mine. I step back as he comes back over and puts the top away in the first dresser draw.
"So, you're dad?" I ask.
He hums. "Yes. He had a love of toys. Liked designing them."
'He had a love for toys. He liked designing them.' His tone is falt, removed from what he's saying. More than anything else, this confirms what I've always thought and feared: Kai's parents are gone. Probably why he was sent to boarding school at twelve. The same boarding school his cousin Ralf was already attending. His cousin, who was already under the control their grandfather.
My heart fills with a desperate ache for him. It's no wonder he doesn't like to talk about it.
Kai leads the way back to the living room. I stare at his back, the strong line of his shoulders, and marvel at his ability to hold all that pain. He disappears into his office for some serious work while I still feel the effects of grief for Kai. It's early enough that I can call Spencer to take me home but something prevents me. Which is ridiculous on so many levels. Because he's a grown man and he's dealt with his parent's death already. He doesn't need me to stay here in case he's feeling little down.
But I don't want to leave Kai alone.
I sit on the sectional, feeling weird about how weird I feel. It's a cycle that doesn't end until Romero texts, asking if I'm still alive.
And kicking, I reply.
The tour was the right thing to do, I decide. I need to be able to see where he spends his time when he's out of sight to develop a more complete picture of him. At the same time, it's made keeping my distance from Kai all the harder.
~/~/~/~
For the next three days, I do what I can to put Kai from my mind. Even when I talk about him with others, I pretend I'm speaking of someone else. Like my dog or something.
The technician who does my nails asks if Kai likes to watch movies since Mariah and I were talking about a new release we both want to see.
"He can't be bothered," I say jokingly. "Barely lifts his head unless it's the news. Mostly, he just sits next to me while I watch."
A mom at the library I've been reading at as part of my endeavor to build a public reputation asks if Kai and I plan on having children.
"Oh, sure. A whole litter," I laugh, tapping her little son on the nose. We laugh together and then I pull back. "Really, we want children. At least one. It's just a matter of the timing. He's so busy right now and I'm not ready to stop working just yet. We both agree that if we have a child, we want to give them our best."
I've fielded these kind of questions before, ever since Romero got involved and I started getting in front of people. But now I feel confident with my answers. It's as if I know exactly what they want to hear and what will frame Kai in the best light.
By Saturday afternoon, I've finalized and memorized our entire story. With Kai away most of the time, it's up to me to do the heavy lifting, which wouldn't be a problem if it wasn't for one detail. In creating these funny little scenarios in which Kai sits at my side while I watch horrible reality TV or we lay awake at night talking about our future children, I've inadvertently curated my perfect relationship. With Kai as the star. My head is now filled with movie-like scenes of Kai and me together. I've even gone back over our origin story to fill in some of the details. I can now quote dialogue if anyone asks.
It's done nothing to help my crush.
Spencer went out several hours ago to retrieve my parents and should be heading back by now. Rei and Mariah have been working hard in the kitchen preparing what must be a five-course meal, though neither of them will tell me what it is. I wish I could tear Mariah away to talk to her, but this time she's just as focused as Rei. They're even wearing matching chef's jackets. It's cute and I'm flattered that they're going through all the trouble just for me.
I've tried to talk to Kenny. I can tell he's bothered by how deep I'm getting. He tries to be supportive but it's there, underneath all of it. And Romero doesn't really care if I'm halfway in love with Kai. He seems to think my feelings will only help our cause.
I stare at the mirror, examining the finished product. It's only Mom and Dad, so I haven't gone all out. A nice pair of black pants and a dusty pink top. I don't want to upstage them and make them feel underdressed but I also want them to know how special tonight is. Regardless of Kai's reasons for the dinner, I still want to make it up to them for leaving their party so early.
Besides that, I want them to see just how well Kai is taking care of me. I know they must have heard about Mathilda by now and I don't want them to worry.
The scents that come from the kitchen make my mouth water. Kai's nowhere to be seen yet but that's to be expected. He's been so busy the past few days it's been hard to get ahold of him. A small part of me thinks he brought Romero in just so he didn't have to deal with the mess he's created, leaving it to us to clean up.
I sit in the living room, watching as Rei and Mariah work together. The way they go about, dancing around each other, flashing smiles, laughing, makes me happy. At least there's one real couple here tonight.
Finally, Kai appears from his side of the condo, buttoning the cuffs on his shirt. Like me, he's chosen something nice but not too dressy. I stand to meet him, smiling at the way we match. The dark burgundy shirt is a nice compliment to my dusty pink. It also serves as a nice contrast to his eyes, making them seem darker than usual.
"Spencer texted," he says as I approach. "They're on their way up,"
My heart skips. Showtime. It's been two weeks since we've been in public together so while I've been talking a lot about our relationship, it's all been fictional - in my imagination.
This is very real. Well, as real as our lie gets.
But it feels very real when he reaches out and wraps an arm around my waist, pulling me closer. My body fits next to his, settling into known curves and plains. My arm hooks around his back, hand resting on his shoulder. I look up at him. My eyes stay wide, as though the wider they are, the more of him I can see. We're close enough that I can feel the feather brush of his breath across my cheeks.
"It's been a while," I say, trying to lighten this heavy feeling in my stomach. Does he feels it too?
Before he can answer, the elevator hums to a stop, and the doors slide open. Our heads snap simultaneously in that direction. My mom and dad step out, holding hands. In my mom's free hand is a bag; a gift for us, I assume.
Spencer stays in the elevator. As the doors close, he gives Kai a nod of acknowledgment. He'll be downstairs, waiting to take them home.
I smile, leaving Kai's side to rush up to my parents, throwing my arms around both of them. They laugh as their arms circle around me too.
"Sir," Kai says behind me. I break away to see Kai offering my father his hand. He looks just the same as always, reserved and respectful.
I hadn't thought about how my reunion with my parents may affect him. I wonder if seeing me with my parents has caused him any pain. If it has, he doesn't show it. He's always so stoic.
"Dear," my mom says when Kai turns to her. Unlike last time when she accepted just a handshake from him, she goes in for a full hug, grabbing his shoulders and pulling him down to meet her. Just before, she passes me the bag she was holding. It takes everything in me not to look inside.
I bite my lips together to keep the laughter in. His hands awkwardly circle around her but never make contact. Eventually, she frees him. Though the hug lasted only seconds, Kai looks as though he's suffered for years, clearing his throat as he stands tall again.
My mom takes the bag back from me, promising it for later. Kai calls Mariah over and asks her to put it somewhere safe for when they're ready.
I guess I'll have to be patient. I grab her other hand. "Let me show you around,"
First, I drag her through the kitchen and introduce her to Rei and Mariah. They smile respectfully and when asked, Rei goes over the full menu for tonight. I frown because when I asked, they refused to answer. Mariah winks at my expression.
"Sounds good," Kai says.
"Sounds delicious," my mom corrects. Everyone chuckles lightly.
I continue my overly eager tour of the living room and then the upstairs patio where we sit as the sun lowers towards the horizon. Mariah brings up around of drinks for us to sip until it's time for dinner. I do most of the talking as I perch at Kai's side, at the edge of the seat. He sits with his left leg crossed over his right, towards me and his arm slung across the back of the patio sofa. If I were to lean back, I'd be tucked into the nook of his shoulder.
Kai answers questions occasionally but remains quiet most of the time. Even so, I'm highly aware of his every move no matter how slight it is. I can feel his attention on us, me more so than usual. At the same time, I can see my parents watching us closely, studying us as a couple. This is so different than the first time he met my parents when we could hide our awkwardness in the crowd of people.
The conversation is easy enough. I keep it on light topics. Still, every once in a while, my mom asks Kai a question that I worry will ruin everything.
"Are we ever going to meet them?" She asks with a light laugh, speaking of his family. "At least, before the wedding?"
"Of course," Kai answers before I can say anything. I stop and look, waiting for me. "I know it's been a crazy few months. My family is difficult and I hesitated to expose Hilary to that. It's part of why we've kept it a secret for so long."
My parents share a look. A knowing look. "We can tell," my father says.
"I apologize for how suspicious it must make me look. Your doubt of me is well deserved. I wanted to do this the right way; meet you first, let you get to know me so that you know how much I care for your daughter."
I swallow as his gaze shifts from my parents to me. There's something...under the surface there. I feel a tug on the back of my hair and realize he's twirled a finger around a strand. That's weird because my parents can't see that from their vantage point, so it can't be part of his act.
"I know you've probably heard about that stunt my grandfather pulled," he continues, looking away from me.
"Our niece told us about it," my mom says. Her eyes cut to me, "With a little too much joy."
It's hard to tell if that's Emily or Queen. Both of them would take joy in Mathilda upstaging me on my supposed big night.
"And then we saw it in those trashy magazines," my dad adds. At this, both my mom and I give him quizzical looks. He raises his hands in defense. "Not that I read those things. I just saw the covers," he says.
My mom laughs and swats his leg.
"Well," Kai says, "my grandfather doesn't exactly agree with my choice. We were hoping he'd become more receptive after he saw us together, but -" He shrugs in a what-can-you-do manner.
"I see," my mom answers.
I feel the need to add something, but Kai's winging it so I'm not sure what to say. "It hasn't been easy," seems safe enough. I appeal to my mom with sympathetic eyes. "But Kai keeps me strong,"
I feel more than hear the breath he lets out as I finally lean into his side, resting my head on his shoulder. This seems to appease the worry that my parents were holding the slightest bit but not entirely.
"And what about the other girl?" My mom asks.
Oh, Mathilda. "She's an unexpected problem," I say, choosing my words carefully. "But we're determined to see this through,"
Mariah appears at the top of the steps, at six-thirty sharp. The sun casts an orangish-pinkish glow over the city. "Dinner is ready," she says with a pleasant smile and a bow before going back downstairs.
Kai assists my mom down the steps without my having to ask. I stare as he offers his arm to her and my dad clears his throat.
"You look at him like he constantly surprises you," he says, offering me his arm.
I can't tell if that's a good thing or not. "He does," I reply, to be truthful. Because, I've learned, that's the best way to lie. Start with the truth and the build just a little. "But in the way that I can't believe he's real and he's mine."
My dad nods. His mouth pinches in a way that reminds me he isn't as young as he used to be. "I couldn't believe your mother was real when I first met her either.
"Well, she is amazing,"
"And so are you," he says and kisses my temple.
At the bottom, Kai's waits for us. Now that my mom is safe on her feet, Kai holds out his hand for me. I reach for instinctively and smile as I step down. I lean into his arm as we lead my parents to the dining room that's been set up for four. The table has returned to its smaller, more intimate size and there's a bowl of flowers in the middle. Since it's round, there isn't a dedicated head of the table. Kai holds out a chair for my mom and then for me across from her. After, he invites my father to sit at my left and then finally takes his seat to my right.
Course by course, Rei and Mariah deliver our plates and bowls. Rei always takes a moment to explain the dish, its origin, and how it was prepared. It's like nothing I've experienced and I can tell my parents are delighted by the display. I feel happy that I could at least give them this night.
I check in with Kai. He has a soft grin while Rei explains the final dish: refreshing ice cream with citrus and tea notes. I notice that his serving is smaller than the rest of ours, and even with that, Kai pushes the bowl away after a few bites. When he sees me observing him, he pushes the bowl towards me. I can't tell if this is him showing off or if he just knows I'll eat it. Either way, it works. I happily take what's left and I see my parents exchange a secret smile.
After everything is finished, we retire to the living room. Mariah and Rei bring out a tea pot as well as glass carafe of coffee, pouring out the drinks we select. We sit close together and I curl my legs under me, leaning towards Kai. It's easy to pretend when he's being this friendly. The evening has gone so well and I think we've finally set their fears aside.
"Mom," I say when I notice they're getting tired, "what about the bag?"
She smiles brightly. "Oh, yes! My present."
Mariah brings it over from wherever she stashed it earlier and my mom passes it to me. I glance at Kai with giddy excitement. He watches with bemused patience as I slide my greedy hands into the bag. They hit something soft and plush. I think I know what it is as I pull it out.
I'm almost right. It's a blanket.
But not just any blanket.
My breath stills. I look from the knitted blanket in my hands to my mom. Has she lost her mind? "This is-"
She nods. Her lips trembled with happiness.
I bury my face in the brown and sunflower throw blanket. It is the last one my grandmother made before she passed and my mom has kept it tucked away in a special place for a special time. I've always loved it. It still smells faintly of her perfume.
My mom explains this to Kai while I try not to get my tears and other gross fluids on it. When I raise my head, laughing lightly my dad passes me a tissue from his to-go pack. How embarrassing. I try to smile at Kai while discreetly dabbing my nose.
"I'm sure this seems small to you, Kai," my mom says. "The heirlooms in your family must be impressive."
"I don't think the value of something like this can be determined by external factors," he replies. "I'm not the sentimental kind but I still have a few things my parents gave me when I was a kid for no other reason than I can't get rid of them. For that reason, they have value."
"Like the top from your dad," I mumble, still focused mostly on the blanket. My blanket.
"I'd love to meet your parents," my mom says. "We've only ever heard of your grandfather and aunt."
"Mom," I bark, eyes wide. Everyone looks at me with keen interest. I turn to Kai. His eyes are hard, confused. "His parents are -" I look back at her. "We don't talk about them," I say softly, trying to convey the truth with my tone.
It takes her a second. Then her face softens and she nods, giving Kai a small pitying smile. I look back at Kai. His eyes follow me, narrow and strange. There's a raw undercurrent of emotion. He must realize he's never told me clearly about his parents and I've pieced these things together on my own. I grin and pat his leg the same way I've seen my parents do, to let him know I'm here and I understand. His eyes divert from me, back to the conversation. I see his jaw clench, probably keeping that raw emotion down.
The conversation is swiftly moved on from there and once everyone finishes their cup, Mariah appears with go-bags containing a little farewell offering for each of them.
Spencer is called to take them home. I hug them both tightly at the elevator doors, expressing my love before they get in and depart.
I turn to Kai immediately. "Thank you," I say, moving to hug him as well.
"Hilary," he starts. All abundant joy I had simmers down at his tone and I hold back.
What went wrong, I think. I thought we had a nice evening.
"Why did you imply my parents are dead?"
"Oh, that?" I reach forward and brush my hand along his arm. It's meant as a comforting gesture. "I'm sorry. I didn't know she was going to bring it up. I should have said something to them before, in private,"
Kai pulls his arm away. "I don't care that they asked about my parents. I want to know why you told them they're dead."
"Because -" I break off, shaking my head. All the pieces fit. I think of all the looks he's given me when I ask about them, the words he's used to speak of them. Why is telling them the truth the problem?
Seeing my obvious confusion, Kai exhales harshly. "Hilary, my parents are fine," He pulls out his phone and with a few swipes, turns the screen to me. It's a picture of two older people on a beach, with a small tan dog between them, tongue hanging out in a happy smile. "Notice the date,"
It was sent two weeks ago.
Hello! Thank you everyone for stopping by. Please leave a comment to let me know your thoughts, if you're up for it. - Honestly, you'd think Kai would get it by now. Don't worry, he's getting there. Stay tuned for it. - Have a great week, until the next update. Stay safe and hope you're well. Konix. P.S. yes, the chapter title is from the tiktok trend because I couldn't think of anything else.