Author's Note:
As usual, a bit late. Hope nobody minds. I try to stay consisten with these, but sometimes it feels impossible, what with juggling a work schedule throughout the year. Anybody wondering where that RWBYframe crossover is, that's where. I'm a lot more picky about it than this one, so I've second-drafted the first 100k words and I'm working on first draft for the next 100k. For this one, this chapter came out pretty slapstick, but expect it to be the most lighthearted one for a while. Not that Doan Tana is ever going to get too serious, but with me making the mistake of splitting the timeline into past and present story threads, I'm definitely having a fun time plotting things out. Anyway, hope you enjoy, and thank you to everyone who favourites and follows. It always makes me smile.
"This is stupid," said the most hypocritical Grineer to have ever fallen head first out of a vat.
Pilot Moss was also waving his Arcata around as if trying to figure out how it worked… because he was trying to figure out how it worked. Because, let me stress this as much as possible: he was a hypocritical, snobby Grineer who wouldn't know which way to point a gun more complex than a Kraken. And they let that man drive things. In the sky.
-I know it's called flying, that's not the point.-
-You try remembering every language recorded in Orokin history.-
-No, I remember them, I don't speak them.-
-It wasn't a mistake, it was a calculated misuse of language.-
-You can't prove that.-
Tegg Boda punched Moss in the shoulder, which launched the pilot across the field a good ten meters before he plowed into the dirt and skidded another few steps.
"Oh… oop."
Silence burst out in a cackling laugh, doubling over with her hands on her stomach, pointing and gasping for air. Tegg looked guilty. Moss took his time getting up. And he swore. A lot.
"Girl," Doan said reproachfully, because she couldn't exactly call out the same name she used to refer to a particular Warframe, and there weren't any other female children around right then.
Things got very confusing when other children visited, let me tell you. Not that that happened often. Even after a couple visited just so Secret and Silence could prove they had a "tame" Grineer, those two always did like to keep to themselves. Well, Secret did, and Silence liked having her time with Ind to herself.
Point is, Doan managed to give Silence a bit of a reprimand and glare, and it got Silence to try to control herself.
-Ah.-
I'm told it's much worse seeing her try not to laugh and fail.
Moss, of course, was about as pleased as Nef Anyo at tax time, and started patting around for his gun like he might have hidden it in a pocket.
-No, as a matter of fact. They do not have pockets.-
-Those are pouches.-
-No, I'm not letting you get some. You can hide things in Void pockets and attach them to magnetic holsters, why would you need straps with sacks of cloth hanging off of them?-
-I don't think those are part of the fashion trends…-
-You have a point. Please stop.-
When Moss was done patting himself down, apparently checking if everything was still attached, he glared at Tegg and Silence.
"Moss," Doan called. "You will be on my team. Tegg will be on Ind's team."
Moss walked over, still grumbling, and Secret patted him on the arm. Moss seemed to take that pretty well, not having any sort of grudge against the children. They weren't very happy he never took them flying like Eded did, but that didn't keep them from being nice to him, especially when his helmet had a tuft of grass sticking from it.
Besides, they'd borrowed the Dargyn a few times without him ever realizing, and he'd been the one to patch it up every time.
"Pag, with me."
Pag yelled happily and waved his Arcata as he jogged over.
"Leeh!" Ind called for her team.
Soon enough, Doan's squad was split properly in two. Everything was shaping up nicely, with both teams jeering at each other and getting into the spirit of competition. At least, until Secret stepped into the middle to start explaining the rules.
There he was, a meter and a half of scrawny… I mean, a young human standing as tall as he could, raising his voice so the Grineer would hear.
"Lunaro is really easy. Everybody gets to be on a team, and we can only touch the ball with the Arcata. You can catch and throw them with it!" He demonstrated by flinging the ball at Silence, who caught it on her Arcata and threw it back. Unfortunately, he was starting to lose the Grineer's interest, so he tossed the ball to Pag.
Pag caught it and passed it to Tegg Boda. Tegg just stood there, watching it as it started to pulse. The other Grineer started to lose interest, again.
"It explodes if you hold it too long," Secret warned.
Upon which declaration, it did exactly that. In Tegg's face. Tegg was knocked to the ground, the Lunaro ball went flying, and all the Grineer laughed.
Yes, it was that kind of an afternoon. A dozen mush-for-brains laughing at people who are very bad at playing with an exploding ball.
Secret jogged towards the ball and held up his Arcata, triggering the attractor on it so the ball snapped to him.
"How many people saw that?" he asked.
Ind raised her hand. Everybody else had been laughing at Tegg. Doan heard him, at least, and smacked her chestplate a couple of times to get everyone's attention.
"You can pull the ball with this button." He held up his Arcata and gestured to a button, then tossed it quickly to Doan, who caught it without the attractor's help. "Toss it, throw it, pull it, hit it. Whatever you want. And you can even hit the person carrying it, or hit people with it."
That got everyone's attention, especially since Doan had to toss the ball at Aln before it exploded, and Aln missed it, handily demonstrating how hard the seemingly-lightweight ball could hit.
I'm not pausing for another round of falling over and laughing, so let's move on. Assume that the rest of this excerpt has a great deal of falling over and Grineer laughing.
Secret demonstrated a few more things, mostly why Doan's squad had spent the previous day putting six pillars in place and how scoring rendered Arcata inert temporarily, but the Grineer just wanted to try out the new competition. After all, it had tackling.
Pity whoever first comes up with the idea to ever teach Grineer a non-contact sport.
Leeh did stop them all for just a minute, though, raising her hand like Ind had taught her, then pointing at the pair of children. "Won't we break them?"
Doan gave the two of them a long look and eventually said, "don't worry. They don't break."
Silence snorted at the understatement, and it seemed to be enough for Leeh, who got into position.
From the pillars, I announced, "game start!"
Secret tossed the ball for Doan and Ind amid roars of approval from the squad.
Now, before I say the next thing, I feel the need to explain that Grineer are very durable. Not bulletproof, obviously, but able to take pretty strong hits without being injured or really feeling anything. That makes the things with Moss and Tegg much less mean-spirited than they might have sounded. It also makes this next thing not nearly as bad as it's going to sound.
The ball came down, Ind snatched it up, and Doan kicked her. It was something of a stepping motion. According to Secret, it was not a good kick, despite the strength behind it. Still, it worked, and Ind really should have gone flying across the field.
Instead, Ind somersaulted backwards once, dug her feet into the ground, and skidded to a run. No, really. She didn't really stand still at any point. As soon as she caught herself, she put one foot in front of the other and broke into a sprint back towards Doan.
That took Doan by surprise, of course, but it didn't change much. Ind had dropped the Lunaro when she fell, Doan had caught it, and she passed it before Ind reached her.
Ind ran into her, anyway.
This set the tone for a great deal of the match. Part classic Lunaro, part martial-arts-by-way-of-the-artless, pilot Moss caught the ball and passed to pilot Eded, but it was intercepted by Scorpion Leeh, who was tackled by Lancer Pag. Ind knocked the ball towards Secret…
-Of course I know the play by play. I was the field. And the ball. Mostly the pillars, but basically the field.-
-I was getting to that.-
Secret disappeared when the charged, explosive ball hit him. Or, more accurately, he disappeared so that the ball wouldn't hit him, but the Grineer couldn't tell the difference at first. The entire game came to a sudden stop as the vast majority of Grineer turned to look at Doan, worried what it might mean that somebody had just vaporized her favourite talking-with person (the concept of a friend being a bit lost on some of them).
Silence ran past all of them, tackled thin air, and she and Secret tumbled to a stop with the ball between them.
The ball Secret had been holding for four seconds already.
You have never seen two pale, scrawny kids in jumpsuits move so fast, I promise you. The ball shot out from between them, bounced off a pillar, and soared into the sky. It took long enough to reach the ground that the other Grineer - some of them - processed what had happened and looked up.
There. Was. Glorious. Chaos. And I don't say that lightly. I'm a lover of orderly tidiness. Maybe a light ebb and flow, push and pull, at worst, if things have to insist on moving. Not in this case, though. And I have to point out, nobody had even scored yet. It was the beginning of the game. They weren't doing this out of any particular competitiveness. Well, except for Secret and Silence. Those two joined in knocking clones around, jumping up and down, mashing the attractor buttons on their Arcata, just for the chance at scoring. The others? I'm pretty sure most of them, Doan and Ind included, just wanted an excuse to punch someone. Or, in Ind's case, perform a truly spectacular combination of cartwheel and hip throw that didn't match any martial art in my database.
Aln, a Scorch on Doan's team, was the one who got the ball, with an assist from Doan herself. And when I say got, I mean that he was the one who made it out of the mob on his feet with the Lunaro ball in his Arcata.
One team spread out while the other converged.
"Pass to the boy!"
Aln did as ordered, sort of. Scorches are not known for their marksmanship. Luckily, Secret had been practicing quite a bit since his unfortunate encounter with a certain ichthyoid. He ran to Pag, grabbed the Lancer's arm, and got a substantial boost into the air. He didn't quite hit the ball, but it lurched into his Arcata anyway, and he fell with barely a stumble onto the top of the central pillar. A quick throw curved right around Scorpion Leeh and into the goal.
The next part was a bit of a mess, since Lunaro doesn't exactly pause after a score, but our technology didn't exactly match up to old regulations, or even the new fields up on the moon. And no, we hadn't considered that. So Silence had to go collect the ball for her team while Secret scrambled down from the very tall pillar.
Ind, Leeh, Tegg, Eded, Thur, Pren, and Silence tried their best getting the Lunaro back to the other side, really they did, but Doan was the better team captain, and…
-What do you mean? Why would I have mentioned them before?-
-Ten, and then Moss and Eded, who technically weren't part of the squad, just attached while they were assigned to Earth.-
-What? Why would I do that?-
-Fine. For all you fleshy types who still forget things. And the pseudo-physical ones, who apparently also forget things.-
The members of Doan's squad, at the time of this match…
-And sorted by team? How much do you need this stuff spoon-fed? Doan would know this!-
-Touche.-
On Doan's team were Secret, Moss, and four members of her squad: Lancer Pag, Lancer Enk, Scorch Aln, and Hellion Tok. On Ind's team were Silence, Eded, and her four squadmates: Scorpion Leeh, Bombard Tegg Boda, Trooper Thur, and Ballista Pren. Six on each team. Half again as many as should be in a Lunaro game.
-And now I have a list of people nobody is going to care about. I shouldn't even have been naming most of them before now. Nobody's going to be able to follow this.-
-Sure, in the transcript, but the recordings are going to be so filled with names…-
-Well… I suppose if they matter to you. Alright.-
Doan's team stole the Lunaro back after Eded held it for too long, and soon enough her team had another point. When Ind tried to regain the initiative, she managed to pass it to Silence, but everything fell apart when they tried to include other members of the team. Not that the pair could do it alone, obviously, though they gave it a good try. Silence would disappear from one place and reappear in another, blasting anyone there halfway across the field. Ind could outmaneuver anyone except Secret, who kept taking her by surprise. Everybody else had to deal with being tossed around, Ind slipping through their grabs and checks, and the ball taking nearly mystical routes across the field. Still, Doan's team was everywhere, and Ind's was running around in unexpected directions, holding the Lunaro too long, and standing in the way of charged Lunaros.
Then Silence took over.
I cannot describe to you my shock at finding out that Silence is the perfect person to lead a squad of Grineer. I know I shouldn't be shocked; most of the requirements are the ability to make a lot of noise and a plan that involves some violence. Those, Silence has a knack for.
Don't misunderstand. The game was still primarily played with Silence and Ind pass the Lunaro back and forth. However, after Silence assigned Tegg to, "squish Aln," and assigned Leeh to annoy Doan, things became a lot easier as the other Grineer got into the spirit.
The spirit was violence.
When Tenno play Lunaro, it's a game of agility, staying ahead of others, trying not to move too fast for the Arcata's mechanisms, the ball going back and forth as everybody tries to avoid holding the Lunaro for more than half a second. It's amazing how much Tenno hate having to move slowly to keep hold of the Lunaro. Feints and dodges and leaps are commonplace. Grineer are different. Grineer are more direct.
If there was a moment for the rest of the match when there wasn't a cacophony of metal on metal, it was only because half-time required switching sides of the field. Then it all started up again. It got to the point where I had to turn down the audio receptors on the pillars and Secret and Silence's amps.
-And I'm glad you enjoyed yourself.-
Secret assures me that playing full-contact Lunaro and getting to juggle a Lancer was a lot of fun… he was also happy to learn three different throws from Ind, two ways of breaking leg hydraulics, and five ways of cracking Grineer armour.
-Really? Five ways?-
-Oh, of course, if a normal human could only have managed two of them, it wasn't a productive day at all. And Ind learned all this through trial and error?-
-I may have to revise my understanding of how long she was in the Sanctuary. I mean, I knew she learned a lot, but that's ridiculous. It's amazing she stayed sane so long.-
-Is a positive attitude really enough to hold off the effects of endless war? Serious question. You'd know better than I would.-
…
…
-That's a lot to think about. Thank you.-
-Yes, you're right. Got distracted.-
Back to the game, things picked up quite nicely once Silence took over and brute force started to counter Doan's strategies. Doan's gotten much better at the game since then, but at the time, it was all she could do to maneuver her people to safety, taking advantage of the fact that Ind's team couldn't cover all of them at once. I feel like I saw more Grineer flying that day than on any Railjack mission.
Ind got the first score for her team, then half-time happened and the teams switched sides. Doan's team came close to scoring twice more before Silence got the next point, tying them up at two to two. So I'm not saying it was a close match, exactly, since Doan's team hadn't scored a point since the early portion. Except, Leeh made a mistake.
In an ideal Lunaro game, nullifier fields, the Lunaro ball, and a certain amount of sportsmanship prevent any, shall we say, unique abilities. This field, of course, had nothing of the like, being made entirely of Grineer technology aside from the Lunaro ball itself. As for any sportsmanship, these were Grineer, and Secret and Silence had already shown they were happy to use their unique abilities to even the playing field. Still, Leeh was really the one who caused the climactic ruckus.
-Din, kerfuffle, hubbub, fracas.-
-Fight.-
Tok had the ball, and was feeling very proud of himself when Leeh engaged her grappling hook and pulled. Any other Grineer would have been in trouble, since that field didn't have a lot in the way of metal or solid ground for magnetic or mechanical clamps to grab onto. And, indeed, Tok was pulled off his feet.
It is… it is not a good idea to pull a Hellion off his feet unexpectedly. Grineer are not equipped with a plethora of problem-solving strategies, as a rule. Tok was no exception. Therefore, he solved things in the way a Hellion does. He activated his jetpack.
I don't know if you've ever borne witness to the combination of a Scorpion and a Hellion amidst a crew of Grineer, but I can say for posterity that it is one of the few acts of violence that cannot be limited by any amount of friendly-fire technology.
I have seen Banshee's powers, Saryn's, Octavia's, Mesa's. I have rarely seen anyone clear a squad of Grineer so quickly as Leeh and Tok did that day. With a sound like an unhappy trash compactor, the squad found their legs up around their ears and those ears kissing grass. It was spectacular.
It also didn't affect Secret and Silence in the least.
So there they were, two semi-corporeal children watching a squad of planted Grineer, all afraid to stand in case they got clotheslined again, and Leeh and Tok screaming their heads off, both trying to figure out how to get off their respective halves of the ride. The ball was in the air, and whoever touched it was going to have to get it to the other side of the field before it exploded…
Oh, yes, for clarification: these two idiots were absolutely still focused on the game. The idea of helping Leeh and Tok apparently didn't occur to them, and I bear some blame for this. After all, the game was less than a minute from ending, and we all knew it.
Still, you'd think the two would have agreed to a tie.
Nope. They shot up into the air, exchanged a few punches and kicks around the ball as they fell, and then Silence had the bright idea to headbutt the thing.
Do not headbutt a Lunaro without a helmet.
Anyway, as the ball headed straight for a planted Grineer - probably Moss, given his luck that day - Secret went after it, back towards his side of the field. He caught it, saving probably-Moss from some embarrassment, then had to dodge Leeh's line and dropped the Lunaro to do so. Pag kicked it from his position, which helped a little, but ended up sending the ball right back to Silence.
Silence took her shot, which sailed too slowly across the field, and Secret caught it between two pillars. Then he passed it to Tok.
Yes, Tok was surprised. He was also still screaming. But his hands were clenched, so he was pressing his Arcata's attractor button, which was enough for the Lunaro. It latched to his Arcata, adding just a hint more mass and a whole load of weird physics to his motion.
Rightfully, the Lunaro should have slowed him or dropped to the ground or not attached to his Arcata at all. Reasonably speaking, if he'd had to hold it for more than a fraction of a second, it certainly would have dropped. It did not. Instead, it stayed with him just long enough to finally pull Leeh from her feet, whereupon the whole set flew into a goalpost.
Not through. Into. This is the controversial bit. Tok being a classic example of his kind, he was quite a bit bigger than a Lunaro goal ring. That meant, when he hit the ring, he didn't go through it. Instead, he slammed into the ring, shoving it along in front of him, knocking it over, and finally dragging Leeh out of the field, at which point the Lunaro finally dropped.
So, the ball went through the area of the field marked for scoring, even at the correct height. It did not go through the scoring ring.
There are differing opinions on whether this counted as a goal.
And yes, this entire embarrassing ordeal was related to any listeners with the sole purpose of clarifying a years-old argument between two Tenno over a game that mostly involved Grineer.
We are, one and all, at the mercy of children.