"She's in a coma, Farkle," I heard Shawn's words. My breath hitched. I sat down. I heard the words, but I don't want to process them. "She has a really bad head injury and several fractures all over her body."
A coma, I thought. A coma. She's alive. She's alive. She'll be fine.
"So, she's alive," I said out loud, "just in a coma."
'Yes, Farkle," Shawn told me, "but Dr. Justice said there's significant damage to her brain."
She'll be fine. She's strong enough. She'll be fine…She has to be.
"She'll be fine," I said, trying to convince myself. "She pushes through everything."
Just hope, Farkle, just hold onto hope. She'll be okay. You're going to marry her. She'll make it through. Doesn't matter what the doctor says, she'll be fine. God's with her, so how could she not end up fine?
"Farkle…" I heard Shawn's voice again.
Shut up, Shawn, please, just shut up!
That night, I just sat in my apartment. Josh is still at the hospital with Maya. I haven't eaten a bite of food since I found out.
They told me that I could go see KC, but I just don't know how to bring myself to do that just yet. Maybe I will tomorrow.
I decided to just go to bed. I heard Josh come in around midnight. I didn't sleep at all. I just laid awake, staring at my ceiling.
The next morning, Saturday, I went to the hospital. I sat next to KC's bed, staring at her motionless body that had an endotracheal tube down her throat that's helping her breathe, a nasogastric tube in her nose, an oximeter on her finger, an IV in her arm, and what I was positive were EKG wires going under her gown. I haven't said a word because I have no idea what to say. Finally, I spoke up.
"I know you can beat this," told her. "You're strong enough. You need to wake up, just please wake up." I took ahold of her hand. It was cold. "You're gonna be fine…you have to be."
I sat there for another hour, then left. I went straight to Topanga's. I immediately started playing the music. We let Aaron decide who he wanted to stay with and he picked me. I tried to be there for him and took him with me to Topanga's.
A couple of days went by, and I barely ate anything or slept all weekend. Seeing KC's seat in Art class made me completely break down. Then I found out I was neglecting my diabetes without realizing it. I started checking my blood sugar after that, but still couldn't eat much. I had no appetite.
Thursday, my birthday…the day I was going to propose to her…I broke down again, this time by her side at the hospital. I skipped school to go there. I went to Topanga's around three in the afternoon.
Katy walked up to me. She must have seen my composure because of what she told me:
"Farkle," she said, I looked at her, "we love you."
"I know," I said. "I don't want to do anything for my birthday. I hope that's okay."
"It's your decision," she told me.
"The one thing I wanted to do today, is ruined, so…what's the point of doing anything else?" She grabbed me and pulled me into a hug. I started sobbing. "I love her!"
"I know," she affirmed.
"What if she doesn't wake up?" I questioned. "I can't live without her. Aaron needs her too. He can't lose her."
She stepped back and looked at me.
"Farkle…" she said in a worried tone, "have you been eating?" I looked away from her. She pulled me into another hug. "We can't lose you either. You need to eat. It's dangerous not to."
"I can't," I stated. "I can't even sleep without knowing she'll be by my side again, Katy."
"Sit down," she demanded. I didn't bother to refuse. I sat down. "You're going to eat. I'm not going to let you waste away." She grabbed a pastry and a water, and put them in front of me. "Please," she begged me.
I nodded. I ate the pastry, ignoring my lack of appetite. I drank the water. I hadn't realize just how thirsty I was. She handed me another water. People started coming in. I looked at the stage and saw KC's keyboard. I went up to the stage. I positioned the microphone to where my mouth would be. I sat down.
I started playing her keyboard and started singing.
There's a storm comin' up/ And I gotta prepare myself/ 'Cause this feeling's gettin' stronger everyday/ Something's creepin' inside/ Everything is about to change/ Gotta face the fact that I can't walk away
I didn't even try to hide my emotions.
This is critical/ I am feeling helpless/
I remembered seeing her laying in the hospital bed, completely vulnerable, for the first time.
So hysterical, and this can't be healthy/
My eyes filled with tears once again.
I can't eat or sleep when you're not with me/ Baby, you're the air I breathe/ This is critical, yeah/ So stuck on you
Used to have everything figured out/ But it's different now/ When you came, you saw/ You conquered my heart/
I remembered the first day I met her and the day I realized I was in love with her.
It's your laugh and your smile/ Wanna stay for a little while/
Her beautiful smile and the sweetest laugh I had ever heard popped into my head. I smiled for a second.
I don't wanna go, I just want you in my arms
I remembered the night she broke up with Derrick and cried while I held her. I remembered holding her hand while she laid in the hospital bed, while the only thing running through my mind was that I wanted to hold her in my arms again…
This is critical/ I am feeling helpless/ So hysterical, and this can't be healthy/ I can't eat or sleep when you're not with me/ Baby, you're the air I breathe/ This is critical, yeah/ So stuck on you
Used to run and hide/ Used to back out of love/ But I can't escape this time/ Oh no
This is critical/ I am feeling helpless/ So hysterical, and this can't be healthy/ I can't eat or sleep when you're not with me/ You're the air I breathe/ This is critical, yeah
Baby, it's so critical /It's so critical / Yeah, I don't like it/ It's so critical / It's so critical , yeah/ So stuck on you
I finished and the few people in the café clapped.
Katy walked up to me.
"I think maybe I should spend my birthday with Aaron," I told her. "He's home with Josh right now."
"Go ahead, Topanga will understand," she told me. I nodded.
I went home and picked Aaron up. We went out for pizza and played video games together. I looked over at him.
"I love you, Aaron," I told.
"Love you too, daddy," he responded. I smiled at him.