Disclaimer: One Piece (and its characters) belongs to Eiichiro Oda-sensei.
Reminder: I have no beta-reader. Any grammatical and spelling errors are solely mine.
Warning: OOC possible. One shot scribble.
Rating: T (Just light flirting stuff)
Note: Light teasing. PWP. And pure insanity I tell you. Just ending my quarantine with another one-shot. Because who knows when I can write and upload one again.
Summary: "Found the bunny."
LITTLE BITS AND PIECES OF HEAVEN
25 : The Egg Hunt Shenanigans
With a cheerful and dazzling smile, Luffy—the captain of the infamous Straw Hat Pirates—held out his hands to show off the beautifully decorated basket to his crew members.
Sanji cocked an eyebrow at him. "Seriously?"
"Yes!" Luffy exclaimed. "We're gonna go hunt for eggs!" His already bright smile widened some more at the idea of an adventure.
This time it was Zoro's turn to raise an eyebrow. "Wearing… that?" His lone eye scrutinized the rabbit costume the rubber man had on.
The younger boy nodded again, head bobbing up and down enthusiastically. "Usopp and Chopper are wearing the same!"
"Yes we are!" Usopp and Chopper yelled proudly, pumping their fists up in the air.
"…"
"What the hell is wrong with this island?" The cook muttered under his breath with a slight shake of his head.
"More like what the hell is wrong with them?" Zoro grunted, folding his arms across his chest as he nudged his head towards the three.
It was one of those rare days when he and the idiot swordsman weren't snarling insults at each other because there is a more pressing and absurd matter to attend to...
…like Luffy, Usopp and Chopper in bunny suits, holding colorful baskets to join the island's 'egg hunt'.
"Fufufu…" Robin laughed softly from her deck chair where she was relaxing. "It's the island's tradition. They are celebrating what they call Easter." She explained as she flipped a page of the book in her hand.
"By looking for eggs?" Zoro inquired with a frown as the three bunnies started singing a song about egg hunting.
"Yes," Robin nodded. "We just so happen to arrive here right in time for that celebration."
"Weird."
"No it's not!" Usopp retorted looking aggravated at Zoro's comment. "I recalled visiting an island once where hunting for eggs is considered a manly man's sport! The one who finds the most wins the title of the most manliest man alive."
"Suge Usopp!" Chopper gasped.
"That is right," the sniper crossed his arms over his chest haughtily. "And guess who won the title five years in a row?"
"You, of course." Both Zoro and Sanji drawled, with the same expression on their faces that clearly says… they're not buying Usopp's obviously untrue and exaggerated story.
Robin stifled her giggles behind her hand as Usopp yelled his retorts at the two. Both Luffy and Chopper were looking at him with their eyes sparkling from amazement.
"Whoa you're awesome Usopp!" Luffy commented.
"You really are strong!" The reindeer gushed.
"I know right!" Usopp answered with an approving grin and a thumbs up.
"But I will defeat you today!" The captain declared. "I will be the one to win the title of the most manliest man alive."
"And you'd do that…" Sanji said in an almost bored tone. "By finding… a lot of eggs?"
"Yes!"
Sanji sighed as he pulled out a packet of cigarettes from his pants.
"And you really need to wear… those costumes to hunt for them?" Zoro asked, still doubtful why they need to be in that.
"Yes!"
"It's tradition Zoro," Usopp stated matter-of-factly. "You can't find the eggs if you're not in a bunny costume! You're so ignorant."
"Temee…"
"Hey! Why don't you join us too Zoro?" Luffy invited and Zoro almost blanched at that.
Almost.
"Yeah!" Chopper chirped in. "Join us! The more the merrier!"
"Nope. I'm good." Zoro answered almost instantly. Like hell he would don that stupid costume and then hunt for stupid eggs.
Best to just leave them to their crazy shit.
"Have fun." He waved them off.
Sanji let out a 'tch' before taking a drag from his cigarette. Things seemed to get weirder and weirder these past few days. But somehow the idea that he'll be free of the usual food stock raiders for the day feels too good to pass. "Alright then, run along rabbits. Go scour the island for eggs."
"We will!" The trio chorused.
Sanji nodded at them. "And don't you dare create any messes for us to clean you hear?"
"Eeeh…" a voice from behind them suddenly said. "Don't worry about it Sanji-kun."
And just like that the cook immediately swiveled around to face the newcomer.
"Nami-swaaan! Don't you look dazzling in that ensemble, my sweet!" He crooned as his eyes automatically turned to hearts, kneeling down on one knee in front of the navigator.
"Thank you!" Nami beamed at him and winked. The chef instantly fell down the lawn deck in a swoon, blabbering about her beauty. She was wearing an outfit just like the one she had on when they went after him in Whole Cake Island. Only this time the corset skirt is frillier and more colorful as the layers sported different shades of pastel spring palette.
The puffed sleeves of her blouse are pulled down her shoulders, revealing them and she had put on a rabbit ears headband on top of her head.
Zoro glared at the prone figure of the blond before shifting his attention to Nami. "You going with them?"
Nami nodded with a scheming grin. "Heard something about money prizes."
"Of course you wouldn't let that pass," the green-haired man smirked. His lone eye trailed up and down her form as he studied her. "And you're supposed to be what? A rabbit as well?"
"Yes."
He jerked a thumb towards the three doofuses in their onesie costumes. "Why not wear the same as them?"
Nami narrowed her eyes at him as Sanji barked threats from where he was still lying down. Something about shutting his trap if he can't say something nice to his precious Nami-san.
Zoro ignored him. Even as he started shouting insults that he is being the usual, unfashionable stupid marimo that he is.
"Because that is not cute." The map maker huffed, placing her hands on her hips.
"Looks ok on them." The grin that Zoro send her way was nasty.
She flipped her hair over her shoulder snootily. "Say one more word about what I'm wearing Zoro and I'll make sure your next sentence is, "Please don't charge me"."
"Right. Don't charge me… greedy witch," he said monotonously, deliberately omitting the word please and adding an insult as well.
She gave him the evil eye.
"Now go and run along with your rabbit friends."
"You can kiss your next island allowance goodbye Zoro," Nami said in an overly sweet tone as she smiled evilly. "I'll be splurging them for expensive lingerie later."
"OI!"
"Byeeee!" Nami immediately pranced away from him to escape; pushing Usopp, Luffy and Chopper towards the ship's ladder so that they could embark. Sanji was automatically back on his feet and on her side to assist her while nose bleeding about lingerie and the orange-haired woman.
"Damn it Nami! You come back here!" Zoro was yelling as he stomped to follow her.
"Have fun!" Robin called out to them, eyes never leaving her book and creating duplicates of her hand at the railing to wave at them.
It was around lunch time when Nami entered the crow's nest. The first thing her eyes landed upon was the figure of a sprawled Zoro, unsurprisingly asleep on the floor.
She approached the thunderously snoring swordsman and nudged his side with her foot.
"Hey," she prodded him awake. "Hey Zoro, wake up!"
The snoring stopped. And there was a grunt. Then a tiger-like yawn, followed by another grunt.
Nami rolled her eyes at his response. "Zoro!"
"WHAT?!" Zoro answered irritably. He opened his eye and blinked up at her. "Hunt's done?" He asked groggily before turning to his side so his back was now facing her, not even waiting for her answer.
A frown appeared on her lips. What a rude and lazy ass. She poked him on the back with her feet. He merely grunted again and ignored her.
"They're still hunting," she explained, looking down on his prone figure disapprovingly. She doubt if he was listening. Sometimes, you might as well talk to a rock than Roronoa Zoro.
"The game is happening on the whole island," she continued. "I went back to get reinforcements. So wake up and come with me!"
"Will not. I'd rather sleep."
Nami settled down on the nest's floor just behind him. This time she was prodding him with her finger, making sure her nail was digging into his skin.
"Stop that."
"I will not."
"Why aren't you looking as well?" He grumbled petulantly as she continued poking his back.
"That's what my three rabbits are for! I'm just there to oversee and secure the money prize!"
"You can't make me join you."
And Nami leaned forward so her lips were almost touching his ear. "Really?"
"Whatever you're planning. It won't work." He declared smugly, even as he kept his eye closed.
She laughed softly, letting her breath tickle his ear. "You're no fun." She shifted closer, bending over so she could drape her body on top of him.
"You know… I'm not planning anything." She whispered, letting her lips lightly touch his ear. "I'm just here to offer a ten percent deduction to your current… debt amount." She let her hand slide inside his t-shirt, past his haramaki to caress the well-defined muscles there.
"I already told you that's not gonna work." Zoro's eye was now open and looking at her. A smirk was on his lips. "And I don't recall borrowing money from you onna."
"You don't?" Nami gasped exaggeratedly. "What about that time in Vert Island? You owe me belis for the cottage rent."
Zoro's brow furrowed. "Thought that was your treat?"
She mock-pouted. "Oh Zoro. When are you gonna learn that there are no such things as free or treat when it comes to me?"
"You really are a wicked witch." The green-haired man groused. "And after I made sure you thoroughly enjoyed your stay there."
Nami snickered. Zoro noticed that the bunny ears on her head actually made her look more mischievous. "Nothing's free nowadays Zoro," she pointed out. "Favor for a favor. I pay; you work your ass off."
He snorted. "Next time, I'm just lying down and letting you do all the work. Whether you pay or not."
She threw back her head and laughed again. "Do the hunt and maybe I'll humor you." She bent over and placed teasing kisses along his jaw and neck.
"In your dreams." He sneered and she felt his arm snaked around her, his hand squeezed the back of her thigh before it slid up to do the same on one plump cheek of her behind.
That made her bite her lip even as she complained. "Tch! You're a hard man to bargain with."
A shark-like grin appeared on Zoro's face. "Yeah." He playfully slapped her ass before giving it another squeeze. "Offer a better deal Nami." He said teasingly against her ear this time before nipping at the skin below it as his hand continued caressing her backside.
"Mmm… well what do you—"
"WHAT THE HELL?"
They simultaneously turned their heads towards the voice.
Sanji was gaping at them from the nest's entrance… his eyes wide as saucers. His face was so red. As red as the blood dripping down his nose as he took in the image of Nami's perfectly shaped-derriere and her lacy thong as her ridiculously short skirt and position put them on display….
… along with the shitty swordsman's hand on it.
Silence reigned for a moment. Then…
"TAKE YOU GODDAMNED HANDS OFF HER AHO KENSHIN!"
"TAKE YOUR GODDAMNED EYES OFF HER ASS ERO COOK!"
"Temee…"
Both men growled the word at the same time as Nami disentangled herself from Zoro. She wasn't even embarrassed at being caught. They weren't actually keeping it from the crew after all.
But of course it would be better if Sanji was the last one to know.
Nami sighed heavily as she watched the two throwing death glares at each other.
It's the beginning of chaos.
The two attacked each other almost immediately. Sanji had leapt inside the crow's nest, flaming legs and all as Zoro avoided him and made a grab for his swords.
And manage to hit the cook straight in the face with the sheathed end of his red katana.
Her mouth fell open as the Sanji collapsed down the steel floor. But she knew of course this was far from over.
In one swift move a grinning Zoro carted her towards the nest's entrance. He enjoyed that, she knew. In a matter of seconds they were down the metal ladder while Sanji recovered, fumed and yelled expletives at his rival.
Using one arm to hold on to the ladder's rung as his other was wrapped around her waist, Zoro swung slightly for leverage.
Nami's eyes widened when she realized what he's about to do.
"Zoro! NOOOOO!"
She screamed bloody murder when he let go and made the high jump down onto the Sunny's deck.
Nami's heart leaped to her throat. That was probably the reason why her scream stopped coming out of her mouth. Halfway down the long drop she could swear she felt her soul left her as her mind went blank.
She's going to kill Zoro! Mark her words!
Somewhere above Sanji was still yelling threats and curses.
The swordsman landed on the deck as if it was just a natural thing to do.
Oh dear heavens. Roronoa Zoro will be paying for this stupid stunt of his for the rest of his life until his next and next and next!
"Zorooo!" Luffy greeted when he spotted the former pirate hunter on the deck. "Heey!" He bounded towards him, showing his now-filled with eggs basket. Chopper and Usopp were nowhere to be seen as the three most likely got separated. "Look, look I found a lot! Shishishi! I can't wait to show it to Usopp. Whatcha got there?" He peered at the figure tucked under Zoro's arm.
"Found the bunny." Zoro answered nonchalantly.
"Oh that's great! Shishishi!" Luffy chortled. He peered down again at the navigator who is still hanging motionlessly on Zoro's arm.
"Ne, Zoro?"
"Huh?"
"Uhm... the bunny looks mad."
"..."
"THUNDERBOLT TEMPO!"
– The End –
Told you. Just pure insanity.
R and R please.