Important note!
A reviewer made a good point last chapter in which they stated that I needed to be quite clear about something. DID is a very serious disorder, and under no circumstances does having DID mean that you are automatically a danger to society or a murderer. I put this in the first chapter as well, but these issues are not to be romanticized. In no way should this be looked at as a character trope. The ONLY reason DID is mentioned is because Ares does have a personality disorder. However, there's not really a term used to describe the particular disorder she has since she's dangerous, a science experiment, and this is fiction.
As someone who struggles with their own disorders, I should have been clearer about that. This is just fiction. And I don't want this story to perpetuate others into misinterpreting the disorder or cause harm to the community. Like I said, there's really just not a term for it especially for a story set in this time. I really hope I didn't hurt anyone's feelings or offend anyone, I really tried to be as clear as possible in the first chapter about certain issues or struggles not being romanticized. If anyone has any concerns or suggestions, PLEASE feel free to PM me. Like I said, I'm all about acceptance.
I think I'm going to go back and figure out something for those chapters that mention DID soon. Have patience for me, please.
On a more positive note! I'm so happy with the responses I got from the last chapter! So many of you left these beautiful reviews and I'm so happy I could affect you in ways like that. I said in the beginning that things would seem out of order, but I hope things are making sense now—for example, the relationship between Erwin and Ares. They have a deep love and respect for each other. It was the reason why she was so hurt when he didn't believe her when she said she didn't kill Muller.
I love, love, LOVE you guys, and I'm so incredibly grateful for your continued support with this story.
What's your name baby?
I'd love ya, if I could
'Cause you're the kind of girl
That I adore
She woke up from her dream with a gasp, covered in sweat. Her heart, which usually didn't beat at a normal pace, was racing faster than what she was accustomed to.
Fuck, she hated sleeping.
She never had dreams, only nightmares. And she hated those more than she hated attempting to sleep. They made her feel disgusting…guilt-ridden. And yet, ironically, it was the only time she felt human. It was the only time that her body reacted in a way that was normal.
But who was she to decide what was normal?
Looking outside, she noticed the sun had barely peaked from the horizon. It couldn't have been earlier than five thirty in the morning. She hadn't been asleep for long, as she had returned to her room only three hours earlier. Not that she minded. She was usually spending that time teaching Levi. He was much better at signing now. Much more fluent. He still wasn't at her or Eld's level, but they could converse well enough without her having to take out her notepad and pencil. He could also keep up pretty well without her having to slow down too much. Naturally, she was very proud of his improvements.
After Ares showered and changed into her clothes for the day, she walked down the stairs to the kitchens. Usually, she would leave the gaudy building to walk across the fields to spend time with her horse—but this time, she just wanted to be alone.
But when she pushed open the wooden doors, instead of an empty kitchen, she found it already occupied.
Levi was seated at the kitchen table, casually sipping his black tea. And at the sound of her entrance, he snapped his head and looked her over slowly.
'Couldn't sleep?' He signed.
She sighed, grabbing a cup from the cupboard and taking a seat across from him, 'I don't sleep.'
He nodded solemnly, 'Neither do I.'
She nodded her head to his carafe, silently asking him if she could have some of the tea inside. He pushed it towards her, and she hummed as a silent 'thank you'.
It was strange how close they were now. Three months, and they had spent every day of it together, except when Levi was just too exhausted or had too much work. Even then, she would offer to stay and help him with his paperwork; knowing that if she didn't, she would just end up staring outside the window of her room alone with her thoughts. He was happy to accept the help, and they would sign with one another during the night. Ever since they had both admitted to enjoying each other's company, things were easier between them.
However, while they were close, they still didn't talk about certain things. Their pasts seemed to stay in the background; neither one of them wanting to open up to the other about their circumstances. She got enough questions like that from Mike.
They sat in silence for about fifteen minutes, simply being in each other's presence. He had come to find out that she appreciated quiet moments. She could get exhausted being forced to always pay attention to things happening around her. This worked well for him as well since he wasn't too much of a talker himself. However, it didn't make too much of a difference to him. He liked being with her whether they were talking or not.
'Are we cleaning today?' She asked him after a long moment.
He nodded, 'This place is filthy,' He signed, tentatively running his index finger along the bottom of their table. He then stared at his finger in disgust before hurriedly wiping it on a cloth.
She chuckled lowly, taking a sip of her tea, before signing, 'You're so obsessive.'
He glared at her, 'It's a fucking pigsty in here.'
He spelled out the word 'pigsty' since he didn't know it and she signed it to him. He practiced the action once, raising his brow at her to silently ask if his form was correct.
She hummed lowly, smirking at him, 'I'd love to see you in an actual pigsty. You'd probably shit yourself.'
He seemed to visibly shudder before scowling, 'You'd like that, wouldn't you?'
She shrugged, 'Maybe.'
He tch'ed before signing, 'I'd just make you clean up the mess.'
'Why am I always cleaning up messes that I'm not responsible for?' She signed sarcastically with a smile.
In a way, it was true. On their cleaning days, he was constantly making her clean his room, the kitchens, the mess hall—anything he could think of really. And she was always assigned more than her teammates. She didn't know if it was because she was the best cleaner, or because he just liked giving her more for the fuck of it, but she didn't complain. Even with all the extra work, she still always finished her assignments faster than everyone else.
Levi stared hard at her, 'Maybe it's because of your shitty attitude.'
She rolled her eyes, 'You love my shitty attitude. You like to use it as an excuse to assign me more work.'
He scowled at her, 'I don't need an excuse to assign you more work. You're just decent and fast.'
She cocked her head, 'So, making me clean more than everyone else is just some kind of warped expression of favoritism?'
Levi didn't answer her question outright, 'Whatever helps you sleep better at night.'
'Like I said, I don't sleep.'
He rolled his eyes.
She soon felt the footsteps of the cooks coming to prepare breakfast and she straightened up, 'The cooks are coming,' She signed. Levi sighed and grabbed his cup of tea, but not before pouring the rest into both of their cups. They grabbed their things and walked out the kitchen right as the cooks were walking in.
…..
Ares and Levi sat together at their table in the empty mess hall for two hours while they waited for everyone else to arrive. They would sign here and there, but for the most part, they just enjoyed the others' company.
Once the others arrived, Ares smiled at Eld as he sat down.
Eld had learned long ago that it was useless to ask if she slept well the night before. He knew she didn't sleep.
While the others talked amongst each other, she ate her food in silence. She wasn't having the best of days and she was in a mood from her nightmares from last night. However, she perked up when the mail boy dropped a letter off to her.
She knew that it was from Nova, since she was the only person that ever wrote to her. Her and the old woman exchanged letters often now that she had introduced her, and they both missed the other terribly.
My Mushka! I dream of nothing but your beautiful face. I hope you're doing well and staying safe. The children miss you dearly, and so do I. I hope you can visit again next time you're in town. When is your next expedition? Will I see you before then?
All my love,
Maman
Ares sighed. She didn't know the exact date of their expedition, but she knew that it was coming up fast. It would be her fourth with them now, and she wondered how time passed so quickly. Although she didn't worry about herself, she often found that she worried about the others in her squad. She brought her eyes up from the letter and stared at each of them as they talked and ate. She wondered if they'd survive this expedition with a heavier heart than usual.
She was getting soft.
Too attached.
Tucking the letter into her jacket, she turned back to her food solemnly. She would have to respond later once she got some more information.
As she took a few bites of her food, she glanced around the table in boredom. Eld was staring at his own letter with a scrunched face and she raised an eyebrow. Like her, the only person that sent him letters were his mother or his mother's nurse. Ares hoped that the old woman was well. She liked Lotte a lot, as she reminded the silver-haired woman of her own mother.
"Eld? What's wrong?" Petra asked him.
Eld looked up at her momentarily, before staring down at the letter again, "I'm sure it's nothing. It's just my mother…"
"Is she okay?" Petra asked, widening her eyes.
Eld nodded, "Yeah, she's okay…I think. I'm just a little confused."
"What is it?" Gunther asked him.
Eld sighed, "It's her letter. She sounds fine in the beginning, but then at the end here she says 'Give my regards to Ares. I hope she's well'," He said, and the woman in question dilated her eyes at the words, "She must be confused, or maybe her nurse made a mistake and wrote down the wrong name."
She didn't know why she chose to give his mother her real name. Maybe she was feeling trustful, maybe the old woman ignited a certain kind of emotion out of her that prompted her to feel like she could be honest. Ares didn't really know. She had never given her name so freely before. A name was something to be cherished. Her teacher taught her that—the sacrosanctity of names. Names had meaning, they held weight. And they were important because they were a part of your identity. She had never really had one of those before and appreciated the sentiment behind her teacher giving her a name so she could experience everything that was good about being someone.
Even now, there weren't a lot of people that knew her real name. She could probably count them all on one hand. Her name was important to her. It was hers, and hers alone. The first thing that she owned.
…She didn't know why she felt like being bold today of all days. She really didn't. Maybe Erwin was right about her intentionally putting herself in situations. But what did secrecy matter when she had already exposed herself in other ways? When they had already seen some parts of her that she wished had stayed hidden?
She blamed it on impulsivity, and she was casual when she signed to him.
'That's my name,' Ares signed nonchalantly, taking a bite of her apple afterwards.
Eld and Levi stared at her with wide eyes for a moment, taking in her indifference and the way in which she continued to eat her apple.
"What?" Eld asked her out loud. The others watched them with interest.
'Ares. That's my name,' She blinked, chewing with her mouth full.
"Your real name is Ares?" He asked out loud, completely taken aback.
'Yes,' She signed, then made a face, 'I mean, kind of. Not really.'
She was never officially given a name anyways.
"Wait, what?" Oluo asked, some food spilling out of his mouth.
"So, Red isn't your real name?" Eld asked her. He didn't think it was. He could recall when he had brought it up before, and how ambiguous she was being about it.
She tried to explain the best she could, 'They didn't give us names. A friend decided to give me that one.'
They all looked to Eld for him to translate, but he was still in shock. She was still always surprising him.
"What's she saying?" Gunther pushed him.
"Something cryptic," He made a face, shaking his head and folding up the letter. He knew that the others didn't know about the camp the old woman had discussed with them, and he wasn't about to divulge any business of hers without her permission. Crypticity was the easiest explanation.
And it was cryptic. But how else could she explain it?
Levi, on the other hand, was reeling. He knew how important this admission of hers was. He also knew how much she valued her privacy. The fact that she was so open about something like this was remarkable. He felt himself soften at the thought of her feeling comfortable enough to finally say it.
"Ares…" Gunther trailed.
"I like it," Petra smiled, "It's pretty."
'Thank you,' Ares smiled at her. The others had come to pick up simple signs like 'thank you' and 'you're welcome'.
She continued, 'But I would appreciate it if you all still called me 'Red' for the time being.'
Eld translated for them and Levi squinted his eyes slightly at this. He wondered why she felt the need to keep her name a secret, but he also remembered that she wasn't in an ideal situation at the moment. A man had just tried to frame her for murder. He could see why she was being cautious.
"Why?" Oluo asked her.
'Just preference,' She signed, and Eld translated.
At this, she grabbed her trash and her tray, walking away. Since she was in a bit of a mood and wasn't feeling up for all the questions, she decided she'd get a head start on the rooms that she knew Levi would assign her.
…
Almost a year with them now, and Ares knew just how Levi liked his room cleaned and organized. It also helped that she was in his room every day for the past few months to know his preferences. She was sweeping the practically imaginary dust from his floor when she felt his footsteps approaching her. He was probably on his way to check her progress and assign her even more work.
She looked up when he walked in and he stared back at her with an emotionless expression from beneath his bandana. Instead of pulling down his bandana so she could see his mouth, he signed to her, 'I need you to do the kitchens when you're finished here.'
She huffed from beneath her red bandana, 'I know I was joking before, but why do I always have to do the kitchens?'
She usually wouldn't argue, but she was kind of in a mood. It also didn't help that she felt emboldened to speak this way now since they had grown so much closer.
He sighed, frowning at her attitude from beneath his mask, 'I already told you, you're better and faster than everyone else.'
'So, I'm getting punished for it?' She made a face he couldn't actually see but knew all too well she had from underneath her bandana. He was so proficient at reading her now. She had such expressive golden eyes, and if he wasn't careful, he found himself getting lost in them.
He squinted at her, 'No, stop being dramatic. I'm splitting up your other rooms amongst the rest of the squad.'
During their talk earlier, he realized just how much extra work he gave her in comparison to the rest of the squad. It wasn't that he was trying to treat her unfairly. She was honestly just the best cleaner out of everyone else. And he never had to look over her work because he trusted her to get everything done, and get it done quickly. It was refreshing, and he grasped very quickly that he was kind of taking advantage of it.
She sighed, 'You don't have to do that. I'll still do them. By the time I'm done, they'll still be cleaning anyways.'
'You don't have to if you don't want to. I know it's a lot, which is why I'm lessening your workload.'
'It's alright, I don't mind,' She signed. Mostly she appreciated his honesty. She'd come to really appreciate it now that they were on better terms with each other.
'Then why are bitching about it?'
'I thought you were just being a dick,' She shrugged, continuing to sweep.
She saw his brows furrow and he didn't respond for a moment. She assumed he was trying to find a way to bring up the name thing. She knew he couldn't help himself.
'Can I ask you a question?' He signed to her.
Here we go…
'You know the rules,' She responded, resting her chin on the top of the broomstick.
Question for question. If either of them asked the other a question, the other person got to ask a question of their own. If the question was more intimate, the other person got to ask a question of the same caliber. While they started off with these kinds of questions before, they both soon realized they didn't like divulging that kind of personal information so freely. So, they had stuck to more pleasant topics of conversation. He didn't bring up her past and neither did she. It was like dancing in this obscure fog of limbo, each of them too afraid to show anything more than surface value. It was easy, it was comfortable.
But it also made it easy for moments like these to arise.
Opportunities for unpleasant curiosity.
He nodded, 'Earlier, you said that Ares was your name, but not really. What did you mean by that?'
She licked her lips, leaning her weight against her broom, 'I was never given a legal name. I was never given anything besides this branding here,' She showed him her tattoo.
He stared at the branding with furrowed brows, 'What does it mean?'
'I get to ask my question now,' She smirked, ignoring his question. He sighed but rolled his eyes and nodded for her to continue.
'How old are you?' She asked.
She saw his chest puff out in a huff, 'I don't really know. Maybe twenty-four? Hard to keep track of time down there. Now, answer mine.'
She stared at him, thinking about his question. It was a very personal one, 'I'm going to want an answer to something just as intrusive.'
He stared at her for a moment before nodding his head. He needed to know. Fuck it if she wanted to ask him something.
'It means that I was the twenty-ninth child,' Of course, she wasn't going to be specific.
Now, he just had more questions, 'In the camp-?'
She put her hand up and interrupted, 'Why did you join the Survey Corp?'
He frowned at her, crossing his arms.
'You have to answer, those are the rules,' She pushed him.
'My question wasn't as personal.'
'Yes, it was.'
He huffed, 'It was against my will.'
'I know that already. I want to know why.'
He glared at her, 'I was given a choice to either join or let my friends go to prison.'
She signed, raising a brow, 'Prison?'
He ignored her, 'You said the 'twenty-ninth child'. You mean in the camp that your mother was talking about?'
She rolled her eyes, 'It wasn't really a camp. More like a compound, but yes. What do you mean, 'prison'? What did they do?'
'Committed a crime,' He was being intentionally ambiguous so that he could get to his answer without having to give details. She knew what he was doing.
She made a face, 'That's too vague. Obviously, it was for a crime.'
'Ask better questions,' He signed, and she huffed, 'What did they make you do down there?' He asked her.
She stared at him for a moment before licking her lips, 'I think we've asked each other enough questions for today,' She turned away from him, continuing to sweep again.
…
Like she predicted, she had finished before everyone else. She had even done the extra work that Levi wanted to delegate. Since she had nothing to do and Erwin was stuck in a meeting, Ares waltz into Mike's room, refusing to even knock. He looked up at her, knowing it was her before she had even put her hand to the doorknob.
'Are you busy today?' She asked when she walked over to his desk.
The tall blonde scribbled something down on his report before flipping the paper over and scanning it. During these moments, she didn't get on his case about signing with her. Besides, he was already pretty fluent enough now that he no longer had to make a conscientious decision to sign with her. Oftentimes, he would switch between speaking and signing, "Yes, I'm always busy. I don't know why you always bother me like I don't have shit to do."
She smirked, 'Maybe I just think you're pretty.'
He rose his eyebrows in a way that conveyed sarcasm, and leaned back in his chair, "You know, usually I enjoy when beautiful women compliment me on my looks, but I think you've ruined it for me."
She crossed her legs and leaned against his desk, 'That's because it's impossible for you to have a meaningful, platonic relationship with a woman that you're not trying to fuck.'
He furrowed his brows, "Hey, fuck you, alright. I have plenty of platonic relationships with women."
She raised a brow, 'Yeah?'
"Yes!"
'Who?'
He threw his hands out, "You and Hange."
She snorted, 'You don't even like Hange.'
He made a face, "I like her well enough, she's just batshit crazy."
She rolled her eyes, 'Fine, who else?'
"Well, there's…" He paused, seeming to struggle with coming up with more names, "Nanaba! Nanaba and I are close."
'She's your direct subordinate. She doesn't count,' Ares stared at him unimpressed.
"You're Erwin's direct subordinate and you guys are friends!" He scowled at her.
'I spend quality time with Erwin outside of work,' Ares signed before crossing her arms.
"What about Levi? You two have been pretty cozy recently," Mike stared at her, a slight smirk pulling at his lips.
'I'm teaching him how to sign. Besides, we're friendly. I never said that we're friends,' She rolled her eyes.
"I think your little boyfriend would disagree with you," Mike smirked full on now.
'Boyfriend?' She furrowed her brows, confused by the term.
Mike huffed, "Yeah, Levi."
"Oh…why?" She asked.
Mike blinked at her, inwardly cursing himself, because of course she wouldn't get the joke. She wouldn't understand that he was teasing her.
"First of all, you two have been hanging out a lot outside of work. Neither of you storm in here bitching about each other anymore. You spend 'quality' time together," He used his fingers to quote her, "You're friends," He shrugged as if all his reasons pointed to that obvious fact, "Secondly, do you even know what a boyfriend is?"
Her eyes darted around, 'A friend...that's a boy?'
He sighed, "Okay, I was teasing you. A boyfriend is someone you have a relationship with. Someone you like and that you're attracted to."
Ares cocked her head in confusion, 'I see...,' She furrowed her brows and licked her lips in thought, 'And that would make Levi my boyfriend?'
Was Mike saying that Levi was attracted to her? Levi didn't seem to be attracted to her. For the longest time, he hated her. This didn't make much sense to her.
She sure as hell was attracted to him. Sure, it was a different kind of attraction than what she was used to, but it feltlike something. She wasn't familiar with what attraction felt like outside the spectrum of how she affected others.
How she affected others…that's what turned her on. She remembered how she would have to rub her thighs together anytime he was around her. He used to hate her so much, it'd make her core throb with the most interesting of sensations.
With the beautiful red head from her youth, she didn't get feelings like this. She definitely loved the woman, she also thought that she was beautiful. But this pulsing sensation didn't occur nearly as often as it did with the angry, grumpy man. It was the same way her core pulsed when she was turned on from the reactions of others; but this time, it wasn't derived from how he felt about her. Instead, it was from how she felt about him.
It was absolutely terrifying. And if she thought about it long enough, she began to unravel at the seams. She didn't know what this was, couldn't even really describe it. All she knew was that it was different.
Mike rolled his eyes again, "No, he's not. I was fucking with you."
She furrowed her brows again. Now, Mike had confused her even further. Did the same theory apply to girlfriends as well? Ares thought about Petra, and the way she stared at the Captain at all times of the day with those googly eyes that always made Ares cock her head in curiosity. When she had first met the squad, she assumed that Petra was just being a kiss ass, but the more she got to know all of them, she soon came to realize that Petra liked Levi. In the way that men liked women. In the way that men had always liked Ares. She was attracted to him. Did that mean that Petra was his girlfriend?
Either way, she felt a weird sensation in the pit of her stomach at the thought of Petra being his girlfriend. She didn't know where it came from, and she didn't want to resonate on it. It was all too confusing for her—feeling these new emotions she was unfamiliar with.
She could only compare it to the way she felt when she found the pretty red head beaten in the street.
It felt like…jealousy.
She didn't understand.
Mike continued, distracting her from her raging thoughts, "For fucks sake, did you live under a rock or something?"
She blinked at him, 'I suppose so. Although, technically, it was underground.'
Mike blinked back at her, "What?"
'We lived underground.'
"I know you lived in the Underground."
She bit her lip, 'No, I mean it was underneath the Underground.'
He made a face in confusion, "What?"
She huffed, 'Beneath the city.'
Mike squinted, trying to make sense of her words, but failing, "So you lived…underneath the Underground?"
'Yeah, in this compound. They kept all of us down there.'
Mike simply stared at her, further confused himself, "…Alright."
Ares waved off the comment, wanting to return to the matters at hand, 'Back to this boyfriend thing-'
"Nuh uh, I got work to do. Shoo," He waved her off. He knew how she was, and how infinite her curiosity could be. He would be stuck trying to explain the concept to her for hours if she didn't leave now.
'But you didn't-'
"Shoo," He interrupted her, waving her off again.
She stomped her foot, 'You are so fucking annoying.'
'So are you, beautiful,' He signed, looking back down at his paperwork.
She walked out with more questions than she came with.
…..
After everyone had finished cleaning, the squad had met in the mess hall for lunch. It wasn't a terribly hard day, so they were all in high spirits. Eld had asked her more questions about her name, which she had to start deflecting. She could only feel so comfortable and so impulsive for so long.
Her and Eld were in the middle of a conversation about different books they had read, when Ares saw Hange approach their table.
"Hello, Squad Levi!" Hange exclaimed. They all stared at her as she got close to Levi. Closer than his comfort.
"What do you want shitty glasses," Levi scowled at her.
She feigned hurt, "I can't just pop over to say hello?"
Levi glowered at her, "No. What do you want?"
"Well, since you asked so nicely, I was wondering if I could have your permission to steal Red for my next upcoming expedition."
Ares raised her brow at the mention of her name specifically.
Levi didn't even look Hange's way, "No," He deadpanned.
Hange balked, "You haven't even heard why!"
"I don't need to know why."
Hange leaned in even closer, ignoring his answer, "Erwin finally gave me the go-ahead for a titan capture. I'm trying to assemble the perfect squad to help me do it," Her eyes blazed with intensity, "I want Red."
"No."
"Why not?" She whined.
"Because I said so," Levi sipped his tea.
"That's not a good reason at all!"
The rest of his squad watched the two of them like a tennis match and Ares couldn't help the small smile she had on her face watching the two of them fight about her. It was her narcissism.
"How about because she's supposed to be under my direct supervision, and I don't trust you."
Hange balked, "Why not?!"
"Because you're obsessed with her and can't think rationally when she's around."
"That's absolutely not true!" Hange exclaimed while simultaneously bending down to take a not-so-subtle sniff of Ares hair. Ares, who was used to the treatment, continued to eat her apple unconcerned.
"Hange, are you…sniffing her?" Petra asked with a weird face.
"No!" Hange said, standing back up straight.
Ares chuckled as she continued to chew.
Levi rolled his eyes, "See, it's that kind of shit right there."
Hange huffed, "Look, I really need this to go well and I need a trusted group of people to help me. Come on, Levi!"
Ares continued chewing with a smirk and turned to Levi, 'She's desperate,' She signed to him.
His eyes narrowed at the silver-haired beauty, "I don't care. You're not going."
Hange's eyes widened, "Since when can you understand Sign Language, Levi?"
"Mind your business," He glared at Hange before turning back to Ares, "You're my responsibility. I can't just have you running around without supervision."
"I'll be supervising her!" Hange raised her hand in the air excitedly.
Levi glared at her, "No, you'll just flirt with her and let her do whatever she wants. She'll come back here thinking she can try that same shit with me."
'I wouldn't try anything with you without your permission,' Ares smirked. He was always so dramatic.
Levi gave a momentary pause at her words, trying not to allow his body to react to the way his mind naturally sexualized them, "You're not going."
That's when Hange broke down and got to her knees in distress, "Please, Levi! Please! I'll do anything!"
She grabbed his leg and pleaded with him. Levi glared at her before shoving Hange off his leg in disgust, "Get the fuck off me."
"Pleaseeeeee! I'm desperate! I need her!"
Ares licked her lips, enjoying the way the woman wailed, 'I like watching her beg on her knees for me.'
Levi's jealousy flared up at that, and he glared at Ares for her response, "Shut up."
'I wasn't talking,' The silver-haired woman smirked sarcastically.
Levi scowled down at the mad scientist, "Get off the fucking floor, Hange, shit."
"No! Not until you tell me I can have her! Erwin said she can only come with your permission!" She whined.
He stared at her tantrum with an unimpressed gaze, "And I'm not giving it to you."
Ares sighed, getting his attention again, 'Come on, I don't mind helping out. I'm not going to do anything I'm not supposed to. Honest.'
Levi's steely eyes focused on her, "And I'm just supposed to trust you with this lunatic?" He motioned with his head at Hange, who was damn near in tears.
Ares rolled her eyes at him, 'Yes. If I wanted to escape, I promise you I would've done it by now.'
He stared hard at her before huffing, "Fine."
"YES!" Hange screamed, "You won't regret it! Red, we leave next week bright and early."
She nodded and watched as Hange skipped away. The rest of the squad stared after her with funny looks.
"You know, I'm kind of offended she didn't ask one of us," Oluo stated.
Ares rolled her eyes at him, 'I'm better than you,' she signed, taking Eld's apple from his tray and eating it.
"What did she just say?" Oluo asked Eld.
"She's better than you," He smirked, taking a bite of his own food.
"Well, sure, but that doesn't make it any less offensive," Oluo made a face.
"How is this even going to work? It's never been done before," Gunther asked Levi, regarding the titan capture.
"I don't know. That's not my problem," Levi sighed, taking a sip of his tea.
"Well, I think it's a suicide mission. I wonder who else she's going to take," Oluo said bluntly.
Petra thought about it, "Probably her squad. They're not trying to kill them, just capture one. Red's probably going to help protect the others. Maybe Hange doesn't want to risk anyone she doesn't have to."
Ares smirked at Petra playfully, 'So, I'm expendable?'
Eld repeated the question and Petra paled, "What! No! I didn't mean it like that-"
Ares waved her off rolling her eyes and Eld responded for her, not needing to know her next words, "She's just fucking with you," He chuckled.
"Oh, right. Sorry…you're kind of scary," Petra laughed nervously. She would never forget their first spar. The way the silver-haired beauty licked up her neck like she was going to eat her…slowly.
Her golden eyes raked up Petra's body involuntarily.
She would if she wanted to.
…
Ares knocked twice before opening his door and walking in. Levi was doing some paperwork and didn't even turn around to acknowledge her. She walked over to his desk and leaned her backside against it, crossing her arms casually.
She noticed the way he froze up, turning his head to stare at her ass and look up at her so he could see his mouth, "Your ass is on my paperwork."
Her delicious ass was on his paperwork. And he was already trying very hard to keep his erections at bay around her.
'You should feel so lucky. It's a great ass,' She signed to him, smirking narcissistically.
He didn't disagree with her.
"Tch," He scoffed, "You gonna help me or what?"
She looked over the stacked pile of papers on his desk and shrugged, 'If you sign politely.'
He rolled his eyes, 'Help me with my paperwork.'
'What's the magic word?' She asked him.
'Now.'
She made a face like she was thinking about it for a second, 'Close, but that's not quite right.'
He sighed, leaning back in his chair, looking up at her. She had just taken a shower, so her silver hair was in a wet braid, and her tanned skin was dewy. She wasn't wearing her uniform. Instead, she donned a long sleaved grey shirt and some black leggings that made her ass look fantastic. His hands flexed subtly. He wanted nothing more than to grab it roughly, sink his teeth into it. Show her just how much he wanted her help. How much he needed her. Her golden eyes sparkled in mischief at him.
She was too fucking beautiful for her own good.
'Please?' He relented, staring into her sparkling golden eyes with his steely impassive ones.
'Since you asked so nicely,' She smirked, turning around, and grabbing a stack. She went into his drawer and stole a pen to write with, then she made her way over to his couch where a small table was.
They both worked in silence for an hour. Ares was a faster at writing and reading, so she finished her stack rather quickly. She was just finishing her third, while Levi had just finished his first. And when she was done, she walked over and placed them on his desk neatly. She made sure to organize them appropriately so he could properly look over them without hassle.
"How are you so good at everything?" He asked her, slightly frustrated with the ease in which she did things.
'Sign it,' She stared at him.
He huffed, repeating the question, 'How are you so fucking good at everything.'
She smirked at his added use of 'fucking' and leaned against his desk again, 'Is this a question?'
She meant, is this one of their questions. The kind that warranted her to ask him one in return.
'Sure,' He shrugged.
She smiled, 'I had good teachers.'
'They taught you how to read and shit down there?' He asked her.
'Nope. My turn,' Her golden eyes danced, 'Where did you learn how to fight so well?'
He was a very good fighter, probably the best she'd gone against, not including the old man.
Levi took a moment to think about his answer. He wouldn't tell her about Kenny. The only people that knew about his ties to him were dead, 'You have to learn how to fight down there, unless you want to be killed.'
She frowned, 'That wasn't an answer.'
'It's the only one you're getting,' He stared at her.
'Always so mysterious,' She smirked flirtatiously.
'Answer mine,' He signed.
She rolled her eyes, 'Yes. They gave us an education,' Then she paused, blinking her pretty golden eyes and smothering him with her innocent gaze, 'Is Petra your girlfriend?'
The question had been eating at her all day. She didn't know why it was bothering her so much. She didn't want to think about that. She just wanted to know the answer.
"What?" Levi exclaimed out loud, staring at her with wide eyes. She'd never seen so much emotion coming from him.
He was just horribly confused. He didn't understand where the question came from or why she even thought that that was the case.
She still stared at him with that same innocence, 'Is Petra your girlfriend?'
He made a face, "No, she's not my girlfriend. Why would you think that?"
'Mike explained the concept to me earlier,' She blinked, 'She likes you—she's attracted to you. Doesn't that make her your girlfriend?'
Levi furrowed his brows at her words, "No it doesn't. Just because somebody is attracted to someone doesn't mean they're in a relationship."
Levi was aware of the woman's feelings for him. She was quite obvious, and she had already expressed her interest early on. Petra was a very pretty girl. She was strong and obedient, but he had politely told her that he wasn't interested in her or anything of that nature. His loss was so fresh and new at the time, and he had no interest getting into a relationship or getting attached to anyone so soon after.
Obviously, he had eaten his words, because now he was currently obsessed with a silver-haired goddess who was leaning her perfect ass against his desk like he wasn't desperately trying to keep it together.
She furrowed her brows cutely, 'Oh, I apologize. I wasn't aware. I'm not familiar with these things.'
Levi sighed, "A girlfriend or a boyfriend is somebody that you're in a romantic relationship with."
She cocked her head, 'I see.'
He stared at her hard for a moment. As proficient as she was at everything, Red-or-Ares didn't have any social skills, just like her mother said. She didn't know anything, had no experience with real relationships.
"How long were you down there?" Levi asked out loud. His shock had forced him into vocally communicating with her.
He thought she'd make him sign the question, but she answered him anyways, 'Maybe fifteen years? Give or take. Like you said, it's hard to tell time down there.'
"What did-" He started, but brought his hands up to sign the question, 'What did they make you do?' He repeated the question from earlier. He knew that she probably wouldn't answer, but he just had to try. He was desperate.
'All kinds of things,' She signed, before looking off aimlessly.
He was silent. Just taking in the new information he'd learned about her today. He was so grateful that she was teaching him her language, so grateful he could communicate with her now. She was the most amazing, most captivating person he'd ever known. An enigma in her own right. And now, he got a chance to know more about her because she'd simply allowed him to. He kind of felt guilty that he knew as much as he did about her and she didn't know much about him or his past.
It was a little unfair.
He decided he'd make more of an effort from now on. He'd answer her questions more thoroughly. She couldn't always be the only one uncomfortable.
'I'm sorry they made you do those things,' He signed. He tried his best to make sure that he didn't look as pitifully sympathetic as he felt.
'I'll suffer for my sins soon enough,' She signed, before turning her head and staring pointlessly ahead of her.
He noticed that she did this often. She just would have these moments where she was lost in the darkness of her thoughts. He recalled the conversation they all had about her when Muller was murdered. How Mike would describe her to them. At the time, Levi thought it was all bullshit. He thought that Mike was just too simple. Too captivated by her beauty to be able to differentiate between the facts and her temptation.
But now that he knew her, now that he saw her the way others saw her…
He understood now why he was so fascinated by her back then.
"She gets these looks in her eyes sometimes. Like she's seen some fucked up shit and doesn't know how to deal with it."
Levi could see it now. He saw what Mike saw, what Eld saw.
A girl who had experienced something so profoundly horrible, she struggled every day to keep herself together. And she was treated so terribly.
And then Levi felt overwhelming guilt. Because he had perpetuated that treatment of her.
He leaned forward towards his desk, still staring at her. She turned to him curiously.
"Don't you think you've suffered enough?" He said.
She stared into his eyes for a moment, just smoldering him with her beautiful gaze. If only he knew…
'There's not enough suffering in the world for the things I've done,' She swallowed hard and got up from her spot on his desk, 'I've had a shitty day. I think I'm going to go to sleep.'
She figured she hated sleeping so much, hated the nightmares, maybe she deserved them. Maybe all of the endless nightmares were a part of her punishment.
Levi regretted even asking the question. He didn't want her to leave, he was just so curious. He put up his hands to sign and she paused to stare at him, 'I thought you didn't sleep.'
She licked her lips and sighed. She didn't respond, she just walked out.
Ares liked teaching him, she did. But she found that he always seemed to trigger her with certain questions. Reminded her that she wasn't as human as she was pretending to be. And while she wouldn't usually mind an inquisitive mind too much, her nightmares from the night before were calling to her now.
Tonight, she would willingly relive the horrible memories.
Maybe she'd feel a little more human tomorrow.
OMGGGGG She told them her name! Big steps being taken here!
Once again, I'm posting this at 3AM so lets hope for minimal mistakes. I'm thinking an Expedition chapter next time. It's either going to be that or a little something else I wrote. We'll see how I feel about it. Let me know how you guys liked itttt!
Moonys : I cried too! Ares loves Erwin. They're basically siblings at this point. I wanted to really exemplify how crazy The Man is, so I hope these flashbacks do that. Red is coming, I don't know how soon yet, but soon enough. Anyways, I absolutely adore you and your continued support! Thank you so much and I hope you're doing good as well.
Hascroggin : See, that's why I love a slow burn. It gives time for character development so that things actually make fucking sense. Thanks for your review! Love you and wishing you the best!
Guest (for chapter 8) : I'm so happy you find her captivating! Levi's basically fluent now and next chapter we'll see more of that. Thank you for you review! Love you and hope all is well!
Guest (for chapter 24) : I'm so happy you think this story is good, and I'm deeply apologetic that you found offense to the DID. I understand that people with DID are not automatically murderers. I never said that, nor do I want people to think that. This is obviously fiction, and Ares is a victimof abuse which has led her to develop personality disorder. My only issue that I struggle with is that there isn't a term for the disorder she has. I don't 'only understand' DID as a Jerkll-and-Hyde character trope. I don't think that that's what it is whatsoever. It just so happens that there's not a term for what she's dealing with. I'm so so sorry that I offended you or the community. That was never my intention. I tried to make it clear in the first chapter that the things that she struggles with shouldn't be romanticized. But I should've been clearer about this and provided a disclaimer. I really wasn't trying to do that or provide misinformation. If you have any suggestions on what I should call it, please let me know! I really want this to be a safe space. I hope you can forgive me and understand where my intentions lie. Thank you for you review, and I hope this didn't make you hate me or my story.
HeavenlyCondemned : Hi my love! Yeah, I wasn't going to take any chances. There's lots of people that might find offense to heavy descriptions of violence pertaining to babies. I also can't explain enough how uncomfortable it is writing scenes like that, so I can't imagine how someone might feel reading it. In any case! I'm happy you enjoyed the chapter! I have flashbacks often, but I think I really needed a full chap of it to convey how much Erwin's dad meant to her and why she struggles with intimacy. Thank you so much for your review! I love you and I hope you're having a great week!
Yourbasiccmom : Your compliments always make me smileeeee! Wow! I'm happy you enjoyed the Greek lore part. That was always my intentions from the beginning of the story. I was going to name her Athena, but for the same reasons that Ares mentioned, I didn't think it stuck well enough with her character. It's super cool you looked him up though! He's very interesting! Erwin's dad was basically her dad. That's where the heavy sibling vibes come from. It's all coming togetherrrr. Don't you see?! I told you all it would be out of order, but now things are making sense, right?! Never apologize for a long review. I'm obsessed with them. Thanks for you positivity. I'm getting better. Thank you so much! I love you!
Guest : Simp Levi is BAE. Also, if you're the same reviewer for chap. 22 and 24, I'm happy you're enjoying the storyyyy! Yeah, a lot of things aren't canon when it comes to events that occur before Eren so I kind of just let my imagination run wild. Erwin knows what their relationship was. It's why he felt so bad after accusing her of killing Muller. He knew he fucked up. The romance is coming and it's coming STRONG! We just have to get through the slow burn lmao. Lots of trauma and we're going to get through it all and I think it will end up being a beautifully wholesome story that hopefully provides more than just good smut. I have sooooo many chaps of those just waiting hehehehe. Thank you so much for your review, love. Have a great day!
Vain-gl0ry : HI! Speechless?! I did THAT to you?! I'm creepily happy about that. I definitely thought a 'blast from the past' chapter was important. I'm going to add a couple more of chapters like these before we get into canon so everything can tie together nicely, and I can make enough people cry from the relationships. I'm happy things are FINALLY coming together, though. I've literally had this soooo planned out, but I had to intentionally mix shit up. That's why I say it's going to seem out of order *whispers* but it's notttt. I know it's kind of weird, but I feel like the relationships make more sense that way. Like…it creates depth somehow? I don't know. I just know what I want it to be. I needed to have a relationship like this for her down there or she might've turned into a psychopath. It's okay to cry, I won't lie to you, I cried too. I figure, if I'm not crying for the shit that's sad, it's not sad enough. I'm so happy you enjoyed the chapter and I cannot express enough how much your reviews and support mean to me. Honestly, I'm over the moon. Thank you for your positivity. Love you and I hope your week is absolutely fantastic! The moon is in Leo or whatever the fuck people are talking about right now….
Foxx21 : Hi Hi! Brilliant?! I'm blushing. Yeah, see, I thought that this story needed a chapter like this. It's like explanatory but subtly so. It gives the audience a chance to connect some dots and understand Ares as a character. I have such a weird arc for her character development that's dependent on these out of order flashbacks. Plus, I think it kind of mixes up the story, I don't know. I'm so happy you enjoyed the chapter. You're so amazing and I hope I didn't fuck up your mental health or anything. And thank you for your continued support and phenomenal presence (even if it is online). Have a great week, love! Stay fantastic.
Guest (for chapter 23) : WE LOVE A WHIPPED LEVI! There will be so many more whipped Levi's to come. I promise you. Thank you for your review you gorgeous person!