"Life is about choices. Some we regret, some we're proud of. Some will haunt us forever. The message : We are what we chose to be." Graham Brown
The choice.
Adele had never been so lost as she was then. There was a time when she thought she had lost all notion of desire and loathing. And up to a point, it still was. She could definitely be brave in the face of danger and the possibility of death, but when it came to making a life-changing decision, she was losing all strength.
She was becoming like those stupid girls who preferred to be guided by men or their parents rather than act on their own. And since Adele didn't have a father, the solution was pretty quickly settled for her.
She was going to have to fend for herself.
She clasped her face in her hands at the thought of it before she stood up abruptly in a surge of determination. Either way, she would have made a choice by the end of the day.
She gave herself a metaphorical little patted of encouragement on her shoulder at the thought before rising from her vanity. She smoothed out the folds of her mint green dress before taking her brooch to tie her long curls in a bun at the base of her neck. She didn't bother to check her reflection in her mirror as she pulled the door open before silently making her way up the stairs. She knew the place well enough to know which steps would betray her approach. The sound of her heels followed closely behind her as she made her way into the kitchen. She walked quickly and confidently over to the stove to prepare breakfast. She wasn't the only one with a decision to make after all. They had to discuss it as a family.
She took advantage of her brother and her mother's late rising to prepare a full breakfast. She made toast, a fresh pot of coffee for Seamus, and even went so far as to add chunks of chocolates to the table. It was almost a luxury breakfast for the modest family.
Adele was serving a cup of tea to her mother when she made her way into the kitchen. Her daughter immediately paused at the peculiar cough disturbing her lungs.
Adele smoothed her lips as she watched her mother bring the handkerchief to her lips. The fabric was almost immediately soaked in a scarlet red color. She swallowed before turning her back in an effort to deny the evidence a little longer. The chances of their mother spending the winter were getting slimmer with the days.
"What the… Adele?" Lucinda exclaimed in surprise at the table set. "What's all this?"
"Holy shit!" Joined Seamus with wide eyes, hungry at the sight of the food on the table."Fucking hell, Adele made breakfast! Ma, come on!"
Adele forced a small semblance of a smile on her lips as she saw Seamus pounce on the food with a sudden insatiable appetite. He bit into a toast like an animal before taking a sip of his coffee. He alternated the action several times without stopping. It was such that he looked more like a squirrel than her own little brother at the end.
"Seamus… breathe." Chuckled Adele as she put a glass of squeezed orange juice in front of him before giving her mother a look to see her guarding the table warily."Ma? Something's wrong?"
"This breakfast is a trap."
"What?" Adele exclaimed as she gave a nervous look between her mother and Seamus. The latter slowed down his movements as he gave a puzzled look between their mother and sister.
He swallowed his mouth full before giving their mother an uncertain look."What do you mean? It's just breakfast."
"I had a dream the other night…" Adele suppressed a sigh. Dreams and her mother. She was probably as superstitious as Polly."Don't roll your eyes, Adele. You know dreams don't lie."
The brunette Fitzpatrick shared a flat look with her little brother before suppressing a sigh as she settled into the still available chair."Fine, Ma. So tell us, what did you dream about?"
"I saw you Adele." She said darkly, an enigmatic bent in her voice."You were at a crossroads of two roads. You didn't know which one to choose." Adele swallowed reluctantly at the ambiguity of her words."One of those roads… was leading you to death. While the other led you to despair."
A heavy silence fell over the small family as Adele looked away to stare at her empty plate. She had never heard anything so close to her thoughts. And it was a fucking dream. It almost made her want to believe all these superstitious stories.
"Oo-okay…" Seamus hissed in exaggeration."Can we eat now?"
"Not until your sister tells us what she has to say." Lucinda intervened as she focused her intense gaze on her daughter."Because you have something to tell us, right?"
Adele slowly lifted her eyes from her plate as she cleared her throat before giving a nervous look between her mother and brother. She pursed her lips as she pulled out the business card that had weighed heavily on her mind lately before sliding it slowly to the center of the table. She put her hand on her lap as she watched her family's reaction.
Seamus frowned as he eyed the card before licking the grease off his fingers. He then leaned over the table to retrieve the card between his index finger and thumb. He held up the card with an expression of realization as he read aloud what was inscribed."Company Lan…. Lancaster Ltd? Mr. Gerald Lancaster." He threw the card back in the center of the table as he turned briskly to his sister with his brow furrowed."What does that mean?"
"It means your sister is thinking about accepting your grandfather's offer."Lucinda answered instead of Adele as she turned to her."Am I wrong?"
"Think about what this really means for our family." Adele promptly inquired in a stir."We could finally get out of this rat hole. Have a real situation. We wouldn't have to put up with the smoke and the dangers of this town anymore."
"We'd be rich, too." Adele paused at hearing the disdain in her mother's voice before lowering her eyes somewhat ashamed."And that has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that you slept with that man the other night?"
Adele widened her eyes before sharply raising her head in her mother's direction as Seamus nearly choked on his sip of coffee. He put his cup down loudly before squinting at Adele."What the fuck? Who would want to sleep with you? "
"Oh, piss off, Seamus!"
"That was him, right?" Lucinda said sympathetically."You fell in love with him."
Adele looked away again as she felt a light blush unwillingly settle down her cheeks. She swallowed as she lowered her eyes to her crossed hands on the table before tensing in spite of herself as her mother leaned down to take one of her hands in hers.
"Adèle look at me."
She swallowed before slowly raising her head to make eye contact with her mother anyway. She could feel her little brother's nervous and slightly embarrassed gaze on them as he made sure to stay away from their mother's powerful gaze.
"My little girl." Lucinda sighed affectionately."My adorable little girl. You're strong. You always have been. But sometimes ... sometimes you don't always have to run, you know? There are situations where you have to stay. Listen to your heart."
Adele froze for a moment under the intensity of her gaze before swallowing as she felt fear build up along her chest again. She rejected her mother's touch before awkwardly clearing her throat as she stood up. She could feel the intense gaze of Seamus and her mother on her back as she stopped in front of the sink. She leaned on it to catch her breath before abruptly pivoting to her feet."What if by staying I choose the road that leads me to death?"
"And enjoy your meal." Seamus hissed cynically.
Adele glared at him before returning her eyes to her mother in the hopes of making her listen to reason."If I listen to your dream then there is no right or wrong answer. I would lose either way. But… I could choose to stay alive."
"I vote for life."Nodded Seamus as he raised his glass in a toast."Alive is good. Dead? Not so good."
Lucinda gave her foolish son a dark look before turning gravely to Adele."But at what cost?"
Adele pursed her lips as she could already feel the emptiness within her. The one who hadn't left her since she left Tommy that morning. Everything seemed to be going perfectly well in the best of all possible worlds. They had parted with a simple chaste kiss with the promise of meeting again. It wasn't really difficult in Small Heath after all.
Unfortunately it was anything but a romance novel.
Adele knew there was no room for love in this story. Not when it threatened her life and the lives of those who mattered to her.
She swallowed as she briefly shook her head before pushing herself off the cabinet she had been leaning on."Someone once told me that we were all whores. And that we all had a part of ourselves to sell to get what we wanted. Well, that's what I'm going to do, Ma."
"Love is not for sale, Adele." Lucinda warns to restrain her daughter."If you do that… you could never love again."
"Good." Adele whispered, melancholy."Because I don't want to love again."
She didn't wait for an answer this time around as she briskly crossed the hallway to retrieve her coat before pulling the door open to make her way outside.
Since her mother couldn't give her constructive arguments, she would have to look elsewhere for answers.
Adele wasn't sure why she ended up here to begin with. All she knew was that she had initially planned to go to Polly for advice. Even if that meant risking seeing Thomas again.
When she wasn't getting what she wanted from her mother, Polly had always been her lifeline. She still looked to her for a moment of wisdom. Sometimes she would go to her before she even turned to her mother.
However, she had barely reached the Shelby's door when her gaze suddenly caught the sight of the pub beyond. Her mind immediately began to think of Grace and the consequences of her actions the other night.
Adele wasn't sure what she had told the copper to keep them away from her and Tommy.
So that was probably the reason why she now stood outside her apartment door with her fist raised with the intention of knocking.
It wasn't really her type to seek advice from another woman of her age. This role had once been filled by Gretta and she had not tried the experience again since. And yet, there was something that kept bringing her back to Grace. It was probably the same impulse that had made her trust her the other night.
Despite the nature of her feelings for Thomas, Adele oddly trusted her. Not that she had a say or anything. She had barely made peace with her feelings and she was already thinking of betraying him.
It was not a love story indeed.
The mere thought reminded her that she had already betrayed him in a way. She had always known Grace's identity. She had never told him what she knew. She hadn't even told him they had found the weapons. She had been content to ignore the big picture. And to think that he had asked her to help him with his business and life in general.
Adele didn't even need to worry about betraying him, she already had.
It was probably unnecessary to look for answers now. The situation presented itself before her eyes. She had no choice but to leave town. How could she face him after what she had done? Confronting Thomas and insulting him was one thing when she had no feelings for him but picking up their cat-and-mouse game when there were feelings to throw in the mix? She couldn't do that. She was already exhausted at the mere thought.
She let out a weak, weary sigh before turning on her heel, intending to take the stairs. Only the sudden opening of the door to her right stopped her dead in her steps.
"Adele?"
She lifted her head just to meet Grace's surprised gaze."Hi!"
"What are you doing here ?" She asked as she opened her door further to wave her in."Is there a problem?"
Adele spun around on her heels to face her with a hesitant look in the apartment over her shoulder."Well ... to be honest I don't really know what I'm doing here."
Grace paused at her statement before taking a moment to take in Adele's strangely weary state. She seemed to have had better days.
Taking the offer of companionship offered on a platter, Grace gave a semblance of an affable smile as she waved her in."Do you want to talk about this?"
Adele hesitated an additional moment before giving the blonde a curious look."Depends. Do you have alcohol? "
"I have a bottle of rum." Grace replied with her eyebrows raised.
"Well, I don't really have a choice." She replied as she followed Grace into her apartment.
She paused slightly in the kitchen entrance as she took in the tight space before remembering that she couldn't really afford to judge. She didn't even have her own apartment. She internally winced at the thought before turning to Grace to see her looking in a cupboard under the sink. Her mind immediately returned to that famous night with Thomas.
People are different at home.
He was right. She was truly an exception.
And what's a fucking exception!
She almost came to pity him. She was probably the worst person to love. She didn't even know what he had seen in her that deserved to be loved. She had always been okay with it. She just never imagined that her unpleasant personality would ultimately appeal to anyone. Again, it was Thomas fucking Shelby. He was probably as unpleasant as she was. As her mother would say, a match made in heaven.
"So?" Grace called out to her again as she sat up with a bottle of rum in her hand. She reached for two drinks before giving her a curious look."What the hell got you here?"
Adele pushed herself off the wall she had been leaning on before walking further into the apartment. She settled on Grace's neatly made bed as if the place belonged to her."In my defense, I thought you would have left town by now."
"Yeah?" Grace asked as she gave her a drink."Why?"
Adele nodded her thanks as she accepted the drink before shrugging her shoulders."Well… what did you say to Campbell the other day?"
"Simple." Grace hissed as she leaned against the wall."I asked your friend Eliot to say he saw Thomas leave with me."
"Huh?"
"In my apartment." Grace added as if that was meant to be explained.
Adele arched an eyebrow on the blonde before leaving a gasp in the realization."What-you and… what… no way! Oh my God !"
"It's not shared." Grace immediately assured with a slight grimace sharing Adele's thought."But he made his proposition. I declined. He took my refusal as proof of my feelings for… well…"
Adele took a sip from her glass as she realized what she was implying before looking away. She tilted her head back slightly in unwilling annoyance before realizing too late that she had taken her drink in one go.
A sight that made Grace's lips curl into a small smile anyway."Another drink?"
"Yes, please." Adele nodded as she cleared her throat with a slight grimace.
She watched as Grace picked up the bottle before heading over to serve her again. They made brief eye contact before Grace walked back to the wall curiously."So how was that night?"
"For real?" She asked.
"Well, we're between women." Smiled Grace.
"God, I must have really offended God in this life." She remarked."I don't even know what I'm doing here."
She took another sip of her glass, the acrid taste burning her throat in a kind of comfort she hadn't felt in weeks.
Grace left a semblance of a smile on her lips in the realization."So you don't believe in god."
"Yep." Adele nodded, already a little more relaxed."But don't tell my mother. She could have a heart attack."
Grace let a breath of laughter pass her lips before taking a sip from her own glass."So what do you believe in?"
Adele stared at the floor of the small apartment in thought before swallowing the rest of her drink. She got up from the bed to put the glass on the small round table before leaning on the wall near the window to observe the outside world.
She crossed her arms over her chest before giving Grace a sideways look."I believe in my grandfather. To the new life he can offer me."
The blonde paused as she was about to take another sip. She lowered her hand instead before giving Adele a long, silent look in the realization."You don't plan to stay in town."
"What would that be for?" Asked Adele, rhetorically."This city isn't made for love, Grace." She paused, then added."I'm not made for love."
"So you're going to run away." Grace said in a whisper.
Adele gave the blonde a sheepish look before taking the bottle from the table to pour herself another drink. Grace followed her every move carefully. There was a certain sympathy and melancholy in her eyes as she observed her.
"You don't believe in love."She reiterated."And yet, you love him."
"It's kind of ironic, isn't it?" Deadpanned Adele as she stared outside while raising her glass to her lips."Life plays tricks on us sometimes. Dirty tricks, Grace."
Grace raised her hand in sympathy before hesitating mid-air. She watched Adele's reaction before putting her hand on her shoulder with a sad little smile."I think we could have been friends, you know? Real friends."
Adele let out a bittersweet snort."The worst part is that I was thinking the same."
The pair of women let a semblance of a smile curl their lips as they shared a smile.
Adele shook her head as she realized how much things had changed in such a short time. There was a moment when she thought she could take it all without having to back down but that was the moment when she realized there were things she couldn't handle.
She couldn't afford to lose more. After Gretta ...
She had done a terrible thing. She had joined the military and now she was paying the price. She wasn't made to be more near death. And that was exactly what she expected if she chose to stay with Tommy. It was just like in her mother's dream.
Either she was willing to suffer for the rest of her life, or she was willing to be changed forever by death. She knew that either way, she would end up being miserable. Worse yet, she'll likely end up actually hating Thomas.
She couldn't afford to lose the feeling she had in her chest. The love she had for him was sincere and pure. She didn't want to stain it with blood. Not a second time.
"When are you going to leave?" Grace asked sincerely.
Adele snapped out of her thoughts for a moment as she thought about the best moment before shrugging her shoulders."I was planning to leave on December 3rd. Tommy and-"
"The day they take over Kimber's men." Gasped Grace with a wide gaze.
Adele turned sharply to her with a wide gaze."How do you know about that? Thomas told me that I was the only person who knew."
"But you told someone." Grace swallowed gravely as she watched Adele in slight panic.
The latter froze as she met Grace's gaze before quickly looking away in realization. She threw her glass abruptly on the round table in indignation and self-loathing before knocking on the small cabinet containing the gramophone. The latter almost failed to switch under the power of her kick.
"Shit!" Adele barked.
"Adèle, it's okay!" Grace called immediately, hoping to appease her."They've got the guns. They're probably not going to do anything. It's over."
Adele immediately let out a burst of incredulous laughter."Do you seriously think that bastard is going to leave him alone? Especially if he thinks that… piss off, Grace!"
In anger and outrage, she slammed the nearest wall before hurrying to sit on Grace's bed to hold her face in her hands. She tried to calm her rapid breathing as she took her face in her hands to massage her temples. She could already feel a headache approaching.
Grace winced in sympathy at the sight of Adele's distressed expression before placing her hand on her shoulder."Adele… you had no choice. He was threatening your mother."
"Because you think it's gonna make a difference?" She scoffed. "I wanted to betray him when I left but it's even worse. He's probably going to die because of me. Eventually I would have put a bullet in his head."
Grace immediately frowned in confusion."What? What are you talking about ? I don't understand, Adèle."
The latter lowered her hands to her side in defeat before straightening up with a weak sigh. She inhaled deeply to hold back tears of frustration before turning her head in Grace's direction to meet her troubled gaze.
She swallowed."I made her a promise one day. It was really ridiculous. Because… because I never keep my promises. But he didn't know so ..."
"What promise?" Grace asked.
"I promised him that I would kill him one day." Adele weakly admitted."I promised to put a bullet in his head."
"Adele…" Grace breathed, swallowing.
"I know." She nodded."I should be relieved. At least if he survives… he'll have a good reason to hate me."
Grace shook her head. "Somehow I doubt he could ever hate you."
"Who really knows with Tommy?"Snorted Adele sadly."He's like a riddle that we discover layer by layer."
Grace swallowed as she lowered her eyes to the floor before returning an uncertain gaze to Adele."I could make him believe it was me."
Adele slowly raised her head to gauge her in disbelief. She was silent for a moment in front of her proposal before frowning as she suddenly rose from the bed. She put so much distance between herself and the former spy.
"Why would you do that?"
"Believe it or not, it doesn't thrill me any more than you that he has his heart broken." Grace replied defensively."You know the tenor of my feelings towards him."
Adele looked away. "Yeah… I know." She sighed."I can't let you do this. It's my fault. It's up to me to take the consequences."
"You're definitely going to leave." Grace concludes."You really are as they say. You don't take help from anyone. The mere thought of getting close to someone scares you so much that you'd rather run away."
Adele nodded as she returned her eyes to Grace with an almost pleading look."Don't judge me. We all have our crosses to carry. I made my peace with mine a long time ago."
Hi, guys !
Firstly, I have to warn you that there are only two chapters left before we finish the first season. Hope you enjoy the trip so far. The vise is tightening more and more on Adele and her reactions are likely to annoy more than one. But it's Adèle we're talking about. Obviously she was going to take hasty and impulsive action.
Then I would like to sincerely thank you all for your interest in this story! Honestly, your comments go straight to my heart and especially the last comment from SightlessWriter15 !
I also wanted to thank KittyBloor, purplepecky, 98, kmhappybunny240, alreadyafan,Amezing and all the amazing people who left some reviews on this story.
Xxo, Imagine-Write-and-love