Hello, everyone! We're here to bring you the last chapter of PEACOCK.
This is Kurt's story before PEACOCK, so there's no Blaine. (You can sense him at the end, though!)
This was a wonderful journey for me and the author of PEACOCK. Every time we posted a chapter, you guys read and told us what you thought It was priceless and we appreciate every one of you!
I'm so honored to be able to translate one of my favorite fic. I hope you enjoyed reading this story as much as I enjoyed translating it.
Hope to see you somewhere sometime. :) Until then, please stay safe in this crazy world!
Wander
***Kurt's POV***
There was a memory that I wouldn't forget.
The sunlight was soft in the afternoon.
I was eight-years-old, at a cheeky age. I was sitting on a stool at the storefront of Dad's garage, waiting for Mom to come home.
"I'll go shopping for a bit. You sit there and wait for me, okay, Kurt?" She asked.
"Yes."
I sat on the stool, swung my legs which didn't touch the ground and waited for her.
I waited impatiently, scooping my hair with my finger, while I sometimes watched Dad working in the back of the garage.
I wanna some souffle for snack today.
When Mom comes home, I'll ask her and help her making it.
I wanted to ask her right away and I waited, keeping my legs swinging.
Even when the sun started to set, I didn't see Mom's car didn't come back.
My shadow got longer and longer on the wall behind me.
But Mom didn't come back.
I still remembered that moment vividly.
A phone call echoed in the garage.
Dad took the phone after wiping the grease off of his hands.
I was only thinking how late Mom was to come home.
Dad was nodding slightly at the voice from the other side of the phone and replied with a low voice.
He ended the call, I was just watching it.
He stayed there, looking down and his shoulders started to shake.
He then wiped his eyes, walking towards me with a very pained smile and held me softly.
Dad tried so hard to suppress a sob but failed.
Hey, Dad.
What's wrong?
Why are you crying?
Dad, Mom hasn't come back yet.
I'll go to the street and have a look.
"Kurt…"
"Yeah?"
"Mom—"
Summer ended and fall began.
The sky was madder in the evening.
It casted deep, dark shadows over me and Dad.
We were filled with darkness.
My favorite mom wasn't there anymore.
Mom…
She was someone I talked to.
She was my friend.
My mom.
She knew real myself.
She was my everything.
Dad used to be amazed my clings for Mom.
She was always kind and always was there for me.
I even thought if I had Mom, I didn't need anything else.
When I said that to Mom, she looked a bit sad and said "Dad loves you so much as well."
Dad always looked so busy and worked hard with beads of sweat on his forehead.
He didn't talk much.
Mom looked at him and said, "Look. He works so hard for you and me."
When she said it, she looked like a girl who fell in love with a blush.
"You're blushing, Mom."
"It's because Mom loves Dad so much."
When I looked back then, Mom was always in love with Dad.
I was sometimes jealous of him.
Around that time, I realized that I liked boys, but I never mentioned it to anyone.
I worried, feeling like I shouldn't have mentioned about it to anyone.
When I wanted things that girls would like, Mom wasn't upset at all.
She didn't say anything though, she might've noticed my sexual orientation.
She repeatedly told me how great to love someone and how wonderful to be loved by someone.
She said "I wonder what your special someone will be like. I can't wait to see them. I wanna be friends with them."
"I'm only 17, Mom," I said.
"You don't have to be certain that they're 'the one.' I'll tell you if it's the case.'"
"What do you mean?"
"I'll watch them to see if they're right for you or not."
"N-No! I don't like that! What if they got scared by you?!"
"Oh, you have a point."
Mom and I often talked about things we kept secret from Dad.
I could talk to her about anything like friends. I loved her so much.
Mom.
Mom.
Why did you die, Mom.
I lost Mom without notice and it pushed my heart to the darkness.
Soon after Mom's funeral, I tend to stay locked up in my room.
The Hummel's living room was used to be filled with laughter of mine and Mom's, but now it was always quiet.
The mugs which Mom and I used and the plates for my favorite snacks stayed in the cupboard.
I couldn't remember when I bought those cookies in the jar.
Daily hot meals were replaced with take-outs and deliveries.
I used to love to think with Mom what the clouds looked like.
I used to love to find the constellations in the night sky.
But I no longer looked up at the sky.
In spring, I would feel the preciousness of life from plants and a blessing of the warm sunlight.
In summer, the harsh heat of the sun streamed down. Mom and I looked at the sun that never set.
In fall, leaves turned red, the speed of the days got shorter and the darkness in the night became pronounced, and the night was getting longer and longer every day.
In winter, snow fell down like little feathers. It absorbed surrounding sound and drew into the world of nothing.
But I no longer went outside and felt the seasons.
Even if I talked, Mom's sweet voice didn't return.
I wouldn't hear her calling my name anymore.
I couldn't be bothered to talk with people.
I wanted to hear her voice, not anyone else's.
Mom.
Mom.
"Let's eat together every Friday, all three of us, no matter how busy we are."
That was a promise with Mom.
Dad and I kept that promise, but because of me, who wouldn't talk and closed my mind, he became more silent. The dinner was like a funeral.
We two were a family.
But we couldn't understand each other.
We fell into the darkness.
I felt nothing but emptiness, loneliness and loss.
Even the morning came and I was still in bed, Mom didn't softly say "Wake up, sleepyhead."
Mom.
Mom.
Mom.
I didn't wanna feel despair of Mom not being there when I came home from school.
I ended up not going to school.
Every time Dad convinced me to go to school, I caused troubles on purpose, school called him and we went home.
I started to have night terrors.
It occurred a few hours after we went to bed.
Dad had work, unfamiliar home chores and he took care of me, who was difficult to communicate.
He had to do all of those alone, it frayed his mind.
People around us couldn't bear to see us like that, they encouraged us to see a counselor.
At first, I couldn't understand why we had to do this and ignored when the counselor talked to me.
The female receptionist always smiled brightly at me. To be honest, I was annoyed every time I saw her face.
She looked at me reading at the waiting room. When our eyes were met, she smiled.
Sometimes she brought her recommended books over to me, she always talked to me when I came to and left the clinic. She even gave me some snacks as well.
When she came closer to me, she smelled sweetly, not like Mom, though, I wanted to cry, remembering her.
In the examination room, both Dad and I didn't talk much.
The doctor listened to us and pointed out the problems between us.
While we took the sessions, even my lazy brain realized one thing.
Dad became like this because of me.
I was seeing only Mom.
I was not at all seeing Dad who was right in front of me and tried to face me.
After seeing the doctor, we went home, and I consciously looked at him sitting on the couch. He looked worn out.
I realized that Dad there wasn't Dad I knew.
He had a pinched face and circles under his eyes.
He still embraced me, who finally noticed him.
"Dad…"
"We're a family."
"…Yes."
"No matter what happens, I'll never leave you alone."
"Yes…"
He held my thin body in his broad chest with his large hands.
It was the moment when we became a family at last.
"I'm going, Dad."
"I can walk with you to the school bus stop."
"It's okay. My friend is waiting for me outside."
"Right. Have a good day, Kurt."
"You too, Dad."
It had been a while since we started to take counseling.
I was gradually regaining my calm and went back to school.
A new kid with blonde hair came to my class while I was refusing to go to school. I stared at his face on the first day I went back to school.
He was slightly taller than other students and had a signature crooked smile.
He always had drumsticks, hitting the edge of his desk.
His name was Finn Hudson.
"Morning, Kurt," he said.
"Morning."
He used the same bus stop as me. We got along quickly.
I was a little difficult to deal with and some people considered me as a maverick.
But Finn treated me as the same way he did for everyone else.
Although he was sometimes influenced by others, he was friendly and sweet.
I was used to be alone and he didn't have to give me attention. It looked like he couldn't help but always talked to me when I was alone in the corner of the classroom.
On one day after school, Finn showed up in front of me, who was sitting at the entrance of the school.
"Hey, aren't you going home? The bus is coming," he said.
"Yeah, I know, but…"
"What's wrong?"
"My dad comes home late today. He'll be home around nine, but I don't wanna be alone until then…"
"Where's your mom?"
"She passed away. I live with my dad."
Finn's eyes went wide, he blinked his eyes, he looked understood. He then held out his hand to me.
I only looked at it curiously.
"What?" I asked.
"Come to my house."
"Huh?"
"You can wait for him at my home. I live with my mom. I'll be also alone too until she comes home around five."
"I… No, but thanks."
"Why? You can let your dad know where you are. I'm sure he'll be at his ease, knowing you're not at home alone."
If I stayed at his home, I wouldn't have to be home alone.
His words moved my mind.
I didn't have to be alone.
I didn't have to feel loneliness.
The next moment I noticed, I took his warm hand.
Finn lived in a one-story house, three blocks away from ours.
He invited me inside, I stopped because its space and the atmosphere were totally different from my house. Finn smiled at me.
"I'll call my mom. You can sit on the couch over there," he said, pushing my back.
I didn't know what to do, I didn't know which couch I should've sit down.
I ended up choosing the love seat. I sat on the edge of the couch and looked around the room, glancing at Finn's back while he was talking on the phone.
I instantly noticed that there was a smell of female.
It was Finn's mom.
Mom.
"Kurt?"
Finn's voice caught me off guard, and it brought me back to myself.
"Mom said she would call your dad. She'll be home in about one hour, so let's play some video games and have some snacks."
"…Finn?"
"Yeah?" Finn took out some drinks from the fridge and snacks from shelves and held them in his arms.
I took some bags of snacks which were flooding from his arms.
"Is your mom kind?" I asked.
"Well, she's super tough," he laughed, probably thinking about her. "What's your dad like?"
"He's… awkward. Quiet too. Oh, that's my fault…" I felt sad after saying that.
Finn poked my head. "Let's go upstairs and play some games."
"Finn…"
"Dragon Quest is so much fun!"
"That's a game for one player…"
"Oh, right."
Finn's goofy smile was so bright to me.
His innocent smile made my heart skipped a beat.
I was so devoted all of my attention to Mom that I didn't have someone I could call a friend.
I didn't visit anyone, nor invited anyone to my house.
Now, I had Finn.
He invited me to his house, and we were spending fun time together.
I felt it was so special to me. I didn't know friends were this nice to have. I felt like I wanted to kiss his cheek a lot.
We talked a lot and laughed a lot.
Next thing I know, I was sleeping on his bed.
… … …
"Kurt… Kurt"
Someone softly shook my shoulder, and I slowly lifted my eyelids.
A light came in from the hallway, I could smell sweetness and dinner.
"…Mom?"
"Hi, Kurt."
It was a different voice from my mom. I scrambled upright.
My face was turning red from falling asleep in my friend's bed and calling someone else Mom, being half asleep.
A face of a lady in front of me wasn't clear because she was standing against the light.
She turned the light on in the room and the room instantly got bright.
I was so surprised that I couldn't say a word.
"Welcome home, Kurt. Dinner is ready. Let's eat together."
"You…"
She always had a smile on her face.
She looked at me until I got bored and I looked at her a lot.
I didn't like it to be honest, but gradually I was helped by her smile.
Mom is like the sun in the family.
I thought those words described her well.
"You're… Finn's mom…" I froze in surprise.
She sat the edge of the bed and held me softly.
She smelled makeup and perfume of flowers.
Her smell was totally different from my mom, but the smell of 'mom' was nostalgic and I envied, I quietly cried, holding her back.
It was my first time to have dinner at my friend's house. Even after sitting down at the table, I was so awkward. I couldn't hold my tears when I saw all of the food on the table.
Finn was surprised and rubbed my back. "Is there anything you don't like?"
I couldn't say anything but shook my head.
Finn's mom put mashed potatoes down on the table and sat down, and rubbed my back, too. "Kurt. Don't be shy and eat a lot." She didn't ask why I was crying.
She knew even I didn't say anything.
She knew the reason why I was crying…
She knew I was crying because I was remembering my mom…
The doorbell rang.
"That's my dad!" I, who was watching TV with Finn in the living room, shouted.
Finn's mom opened the front door to find my dad breathless, looked relieved after seeing me.
"Dad!"
"Sorry, Kurt. I'm late."
I hugged him so tight.
I could smell rain on his plaid shirt.
It looked like it started raining.
"Mrs. Hudson, thank you so much for taking care of my son," he said.
"Oh, don't worry about it! I always spend time with surly son. Kurt made this house so bright."
"Hey, Mom!" Finn said, embarrassed.
"Even if I ask you about school, you always only say 'Nothing,' or 'It was okay!'"
"You ask the same questions over and over!"
"You just changed the school, so of course I care about you!"
Finn and his mom suddenly started to argue.
I'd never had such an emotional argument with my parents, so I was shocked.
When I looked up, Dad also looked stunned.
"Excuse me…" Dad was trying to say something.
"Oh, I'm sorry about that," Finn's mom wildly laughed and hit my dad's shoulder.
"You look different in the clinic…" He said.
"That's my work face," she made a smug face.
I started laughing, making Dad surprised.
"What's so funny, Kurt?" He asked.
"Hahaha! Finn's mom is so fun, don't you think?"
"I… Yes…"
It looked like it was not easy to understand for him that the person he knew in the clinic was the same person now in front of him.
After I calmed down, Finn's mom got to my eye level and said, "Come over again. I'll wait for you. You can stay the night next time." She softly rubbed my hair, she smelled nice.
"The dinner was so delicious," I said with the small voice, being shy.
"I'll bake some cheese cake next time," she smiled.
"Mom's cheese cake is freaking good!" Finn said excitedly.
"My mom's cheese cake is better." I didn't like that Finn boasted, I said it before thinking.
The air around us stopped circulating for a moment.
I felt Dad's hand on my shoulder got nervous.
"Alright!" Finn's mom suddenly put her palms together in front of her chest. "Kurt, did your mom leave a recipe of the cheese cake for you?"
"What?"
I was about to say that I didn't know, Dad whispered. "Yes, she did."
Finn's mom nodded, and smiled at me. "You're lucky, Kurt. She left the recipe for you!"
"I didn't know…"
"Next time you come here, let's make your mom's cheese cake! I'd love to eat it, too."
"I… I've never made it before…"
"I'll help you. Okay? Don't you wanna eat it?"
"What!? I wanna eat mom's che… Ow!" Before Finn finished the sentence, Finn's mom slapped his head.
"I'm not asking you, Finn!" She said.
"I'm sorry… I shouldn't have said things like that…" Dad interrupted.
"Mr. Hummel."
"Y-Yes, Mrs. Hudson."
"If you're okay, please bring Kurt here often." She didn't wait for Dad's answer and looked at me again. "You too, Kurt. If you don't mind coming here, you can come over anytime."
"I don't mind…"
"Finn is such a child, but please be friends with him."
"Hey!" Finn made a face.
I laughed again at their communication.
"Kurt," she said."
"Yes?"
"You look happy," she pinched my cheek a little. "I wanna see your smile more. You look so cute when you smile."
"Ow…"
"Be friend with me too."
"With you?"
"Yes. It's Carol."
"But you're Finn's mo-…"
"My name is Carol," she moved her face close to me, the tips of our noses were almost touched. "Carol!"
"Carol…" I brushed and Carol looked at me, satisfied.
"Don't forget the feeling of your blood rushing through your body."
I didn't understand what she meant.
"You're so cute."
"Mom, Kurt's dad is turned off," Finn pointed out.
"Oh, I'm sorry. He's your precious son, I know."
"I-It's okay…" Dad mumbled.
I got in the car and rolled the window down to wave at the Hudsons who were seeing us off.
"I'm off this weekend. You should come over," Carol said.
"Yeah. Come, Kurt," Finn agreed.
"Okay…"
"Thanks again for today," Dad said from the driver's seat and Carol smiled.
Soon after the car pulled away, Dad muttered with a sigh, "She's something else."
I laughed.
Since then, the Hudsons and the Hummels became closer.
Thanks to them, I started to regain my normal sense of self。
… … …
By the time I entered a middle school, I went to Finn's almost every weekend.
It was so comfortable being with them that it was almost the same when I was with my dad.
"Ugh! I lost!"
One day, I was at the Hudsons for a sleepover. I was spending time playing video games with Finn on his bed, sitting together side by side.
The game was not for one player like the old days.
I wonder if he would be mad when I told him that I thought he grew up.
Apparently, Carol would be late coming home, doing errands. We would be all alone until about midnight.
I had butterflies in my stomach a little more than usual.
While I was with Finn for a long time, something had changed in me.
I liked Finn, more than as a friend.
In middle school, we were in puberty, and some classmates naturally had a boyfriend or girlfriend.
But I'd never had heard Finn had a girlfriend.
That accelerated my feelings for him. He was really sweet.
He sometimes said harsh things to me, but he was still kind.
Even if I stared at him, he didn't mind at all.
One time I tried to kiss him, his big palm pushed my face back.
"No," he said.
"Why?"
"I don't kiss with boys."
"How about just a little bit?"
"No. You're a boy, Kurt."
"I always got mistaken as a girl."
"It's your voice, right?"
"No, my body too."
He laughed at my desperate act. "Unfortunately, I like girls."
"What's wrong with a kiss?!" I spluttered out.
"Let's not do things we will regret, shall we?" Finn patted my head.
"I won't regret."
"I will regret big time if I kiss you, Kurt."
"Wha… That's cruel to say that!"
"Not with boys."
Finn's words stung.
"Is it because I'm gay? Is that why?"
My sexual orientation was not new to Finn and Carol. They had already noticed while we were spending time together. When I came out, they weren't surprise and that was it.
"It doesn't matter whether you're a gay or not. I just don't like kissing with boys. That's all."
"I put lip balm every day. My lips are so soft."
"Kurt."
"I love you, Finn."
"I love you, too."
"Then…"
"You know what my 'love' means, right?"
"Finn… Kiss me."
"I won't."
"You're mean."
"I value myself."
"Oh my God. You're a big guy, but you think like girls!"
"I have a girl I like right now."
I felt like being hit from behind by his words.
I finally came down stairs after days, being depressed. Dad was watching news on TV in the living room.
"Finally you're out of your room. Look, Kurt. It's not Finn's fault," he said.
"I know it's not his fault."
"You're depressed like you used to be just because Finn didn't accept your feelings for him?"
"I think it's not rare that people get depressed because of love. This is as different case as before!"
"You staying in your room depresses me."
"This will not the last time for me to get depressed because of love. I'm sorry for making you a headache."
Dad muttered 'many times' in his mouth. He dropped his head into his hands. "We didn't go to Finn's last weekend, Carol was worried."
"That's because Finn has a girlfriend now! I'm not stupid enough to get in their way."
Fuck, it hurts.
I still love him!
Why the hell I have to explain that he has a girlfriend now!
It was not only me who had changed through the relationship with the Hudsons.
Dad and Carol were both single parent. It naturally caused a change between my dad and Carol too.
Before I knew it, they were together.
Dad came out to me the other day.
I was so devoted to Finn that I didn't notice why Carol was always late home.
Finn had a girlfriend.
Dad and Carol were together.
I was distressed by those two things.
When I heard about Dad and Carol, I called Finn, but he already knew.
"Fuck…"
-Sorry, I didn't know how to tell you, Kurt.
"You should've told me as soon as you found it out! Why did you leave me out of this?!"
-I didn't mean that.
"I know. You were just too busy with your girlfriend to talk to me."
It was sarcastic, harsh and childish. I didn't know how else to say.
-Not like that. Mom looked so happy. I thought I should see how this would go for a little bit longer.
"You're decent. Is it okay if my dad takes your mom away from you?"
-That's fine. She has her own life."
"Are you sure you're 14? It's freaky that you're seeing too far in the future." I sighed.
-I was at first shocked to see her as a woman and not as a mom. But I don't want her to feel miserable because she's a single mom. She's been working hard more than anyone else. And I've been seeing it by her side."
"You're making me look like a child when you understand that much." I pouted and Finn laughed on the other end of the line.
-I'm glad it was your dad.
It was not fair.
I felt happy that Finn said it.
That was why I had no choice but accepted Dad and Carol's relationship. I had mixed feelings.
-You think my mom is not good enough for him?
"No way!" I said it without hesitation.
Carol and I became like real friends.
She was Finn's mom, but I talked with her about things I wouldn't talk with my dad. She even knew I loved Finn.
I had no reasons to reject her.
But.
I didn't wanna share Dad. I was too childish to totally welcome this situation.
I felt that Dad recently looked fulfilled in life. Now I knew there was a reason for it.
He supported me as a father for years, but he also needed a support from someone.
After Mom passed away, I had Dad. But I was too small to support each other. He must've felt lonely.
He must've needed a home all this time, needed someone who could support on the same level as him and were kind to take his worries away.
And he finally met Carol.
Carol must've felt the same way.
They had their reasons I didn't understand until now.
They were a man and a woman before a parent.
Once I reached that thought I couldn't help but felt jealous of them.
Love, from other than family.
Loving someone.
Loving each other.
I had a burning desire to have these natural things.
When I went over to the Hudsons on a weekend, Finn was relaxing on the couch for a change.
"Oh, Finn. You're home," I said to him.
"This is my house, though."
"Hi, Carol. I cooked spareribs, using my mom's recipe."
"Hi, Kurt. We have Finn home today, but let's be kind to him."
"What do you mean, you guys!?"
Finn usually went out with his girlfriend on Saturday, so I spent time with Carol until late afternoon.
I was excited about this surprise to see him around this time.
I sat down next to Finn, who was lying on the couch, reading a sports magazine that I wasn't interested in.
"Did you fight with your girlfriend or something?" I didn't give up and tried to step between them. I was so obsessed with him.
"Not really."
I laughed up my sleeve at Finn's short answer.
"I'm still with her," Finn said immediately as if he read my mind.
He smirked and I hated it.
I pouted and looked down at him. "Finn… I love you."
"You just won't give up, will ya?"
"I hate giving up! I always love you!"
When I leaned my face to him, he pushed me back again with great force.
This became a routine of ours.
"You're so popular, Finn," Carol laughed out loud, wiping dishes in the kitchen behind us.
Finn smiled bitterly.
A few months after that, we became a real family.
Dad and Carol pledged their undying love in a chapel in the dusk.
Mom.
Are you looking down?
Dad you loved now became full of love.
… … …
I turned seventeen.
While my body was changing into an adult, the only thing hadn't changed was my feelings for Finn.
I didn't know how long I had this one-way love.
I thought I would think of him as a family while I lived with him under the same roof.
I was wrong, though.
I was doing better than before, but still I got depressed and stayed in my room for a few days when Finn proudly told me that he lost his V-card the other day.
Finn knew I loved him and he still told me that anyway. I hated him!
I understood that if you had a girlfriend, you would go down that road.
I also knew high school students were active in that area.
Finn had had a girlfriend since in the middle school, but he hadn't experienced a kiss yet. He was sexually conservative or too naïve, I didn't know.
But now, he stepped up suddenly. It was too shocking to me…
Anyhow, this made me give up on him.
A first love would always broke.
I knew how this would end since Finn was a straight.
But the 'first time.'
I couldn't imagine my first time.
Before that, I didn't even know there would be someone who would love me in the future.
Even if I would love someone, that person probably would be a straight boy.
I could only see me being completely defeated, I let out a sigh.
I didn't know someone who was gay besides me in this town.
I doubted there was one.
"Are you okay, Kurt? You've been sighing. If you have some worries, I'm here for you,"
One day, Carol said to me, who flopped down on the couch in the living room. I didn't notice that I kept sighing.
"It's fine. I'm just sick of this love atmosphere in the house," I answered. "Look around. Finn has been texting with Rachel and smirking, and you and Dad are so in love…" When I looked at Finn, he was grinning on the couch, holding his phone, while Dad was reading a newspaper with his ears a bit red. Ew.
"You guys just keep loving each other! Its's ridiculous!"
My family's attitude hurt my feelings, I went upstairs, making loud footsteps on purpose.
I didn't have anyone to love. I was feeling sad in that way, but they didn't mind me at all. I didn't like that at all!
I flipped over the pages of a fashion magazine which was sitting on the bed.
"Maybe I should buy some clothes or something."
However, I just bought a pair of lace-up boots online a few days ago.
"Everyone else is having all the fun but me. I should deserve better…"
I clicked the mouse and stared at the page on the screen. "I still want this…"
It was a suit set.
Vivienne Westwood for Man. $1,900.
I had already checked the other day when I was checking new clothes of the brand.
It was my taste and I was dying for it. But the price was unbelievable.
"1,900 dollars…"
Everyone had loved ones who would satisfy them.
I could get something which would satisfy me, right?
This might be subservient thoughts.
But I was sure this suit set would fulfill my lonely heart.
I clicked the purchase button.
One month later.
There was a roar echoing in the Hummel-Hudsons house.
"What's wrong, Burt?!" Carol, who was busy with organizing paperwork, rushed into the living room.
"Don't worry, Carol. I just need to talk to Kurt," Dad said.
Carol wouldn't leave because of Dad's and my unusual mood.
"What's going on, Kurt?" Carol asked.
"I'll tell you later," when I said it, Carol nodded once and finally left the room. She looked back many times.
Silent fell. Dad pulled out his credit card bill and slammed it down on the coffee table. "This 1,900-dollars belong to you, am I correct?!"
I didn't say anything.
"Kurt!"
"That's right…"
"Where's this item? You got it, right?"
"Yes. But the return deadline is already passed. Besides, I really wanted it, there's no chance for me to let it go!"
"Then you should pay for it!"
"I only wanted something that can fulfill my heart!"
"Stop saying nonsense! Such a lame excuse doesn't work for me!"
"I don't have a boyfriend, so please understand that I'm a sad person who is satisfied only by things and not by people!"
"I don't care! If you think that reason is valid for justifying using your parent's credit card, you're totally wrong!"
It was a good thing that Dad and I could argue emotionally, but this was not the time to be sentimental now.
"I forbid you to buy new clothes until you pay this off! No allowance, either!"
"What?!"
"You work and you pay this off! Just get a part-time job and pay me back, okay, Kurt?!"
I shut my mouth.
"I'm making a concession! Okay?!"
I kept silence.
"Kurt."
"…Fine."
I went to my room and collapsed on my bed with a sigh.
Oh my God… There was no allowance… Can't believe it…
I wouldn't bear not to be able to buy clothes.
Dad was so stubborn to back down once he said he was going to do something.
And I received his DNA. The more I was told, the more I would become stubborn.
I thought about it over and over, I decided one job in the end.
If I wanted to earn that amount of money in a short period of time, I prepared to take some risks.
I got ready in front of a mirror.
"I won't regret… I'll be fine…"
I'll be fine…
I'll be fine…
I told myself in the mirror and went out of the room.
I saw Dad downstairs.
"Where are you going at this time?" He asked.
"A part-time job."
"It's almost your curfew."
"I know. But I was told to start this time."
"What job did you take?"
"I'll tell you later. I gotta go now. Bye!"
I closed the front door to force shutdown his talk.
"Fuck!"
Even though I made up my mind doing this, I had hard time to put the car key in the key hole and I got annoyed.
I got in the car and my hands on the steering wheel were shaking.
"I'll be fine… I'll be fine…"
I told myself again to calm down forcefully.
I was going to get fucked by someone who I didn't even know their name.
Having mixed feelings of regret and stress, I quietly hit the gas and drove off.
END