"What's it like?" Tori said with a shy smirk on her lips. She was laying with her head comfortably in my lap and was staring into the sky, avoiding my eyes at all costs.

I raised my eyebrow at her as I let out a coy laugh. "What's what like?" I knew exactly what she was talking about but it was far too fun watching her squirm.

"You know what..." She trailed off. She glanced up at me quickly, giving me a small nudge as her cheeks flushed crimson. She pushed her hands up over her face and through her soft hair in embarrassment.

I rolled my eyes at her playfully. "Nope, sorry. I have no idea what you are talking about Vega. Please elaborate." I moved her hands from her face gently, letting my fingers glide softly over the crooks of her brow.

"Ugh!" She huffed. "What's it like doing it with a guy?" Her cheeks were now burning red and her eyes could barely meet mine as she asked the question.

I laughed out loud. She was so endearing and adorable when she was awkward. She always made it so obvious when something embarrassed her; she'd fiddle with the ends of her hair, her cheeks would burn red, and she'd look only at the floor. She hated it, but secretly I loved that quality about her.

I shrugged my shoulders. It weirdly wasn't something I thought of often. Having sex with Tori was in another realm to Beck. They couldn't even begin to compare. "I don't know how to describe it. It's just different I guess."

"Different in a good way?" She still wasn't looking me in the eyes and instead was pulling at blades of grass beside her and sprinkling them around her like confetti.

"Just different. Guys are typically selfish during sex." I scoffed. "There is a lot of fake orgasms involved." I sat up straight and began faking an orgasm loudly, all whilst holding a straight face.

Tori giggled as she got bumped off my lap. She sat up quickly, moving her hands to try and cover my mouth. "Sounds convincing to me. Except your face doesn't normally look like that." A smug smirk pulled at her lips.

"That's because they are real with you." I kissed her hand before she moved it away slowly. "I only have my ex to compare with though, so I don't know. Why do you ask?" I moved closer to her and demanded her eye contact as I smirked. "Not gone off me, have you? Wanting to try a dick? Because like we could always get a stra-"

"Woah!" She interrupted. "No to the dick." She moved onto her knees and kissed my lips softly, maintaining the contact as she began to whisper. "I could never get over you."

I felt a shiver creep up my spine. It did sometimes cross my mind that we were young. That Tori had only ever been with me and that this could all come crashing down at any moment. But then she says things like that, and she sends my mind racing. She loves me and I love her and nothing can come in the way of that or change it. It's special, and its all ours.

"Good. Because I haven't got bored of you...yet." I teased playfully.

She pushed at my arm sheepishly. "Don't ever get bored of me, okay?"

I took her cheeks in my hands as I rest my forehead on hers. "I could never." I moved her face down and left a small kiss on her sun kissed forehead.

"I love you." She whispered softly.

"I love you too." Fell easily from my lips in response.

...

"How was your day sweetie?" My Mom stood in the kitchen washing the dishes as she smiled over at me.

She didn't know I'd seen her passed out the other night. She didn't know that I knew she had relapsed again and perhaps that was for the best. I knew there would be bumps along the way, I just didn't realise how hard this road was going to be or that I would be the one taking the full force of it. I guess I was used to having the weight of the world on my shoulders by now.

"Nice thanks." I half smiled at her. As hard as I tried, I struggled to forgive her. It wasn't easy being her daughter. I loved her with all my heart, she was my blood and I'd always stick by her. But with every sip of alcohol she made it ten times harder to forgive her. "Where's Jett?"

"At your Fathers. I assumed you wouldn't want to go?"

"You assumed right Mother dearest." I threw my backpack on the ground with far more force than intended.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to trigger you." Mom tucked a blonde curl behind her ear. She looked tired, like all the life had been drained out of her slowly. She was just going through the motions.

"You didn't." I lied. "Do you need any help?"

"No it's okay. Go tidy your room please, I am sick of picking up all your dirty glasses and plates."

"And I'm sick of picking you up when you relapse." I said through gritted teeth.

She dropped what was in her hands into the sink, pieces of the plate shattering across the counter. "Excuse me?"

"Jesus Christ Mom, you're going to cut yourself." I pushed past her and removed the pieces of china carefully with a kitchen towel. I looked at the broken plate and then back over to the broken woman that was my Mom. This isn't her fault.

Her bottom lip trembled. "I'm sorry." A single tear fell down her cheek as her eyes met mine.

I pushed the plate pieces carefully into the trash. "I know."

"It's so hard. So unbelievably hard. I have so many insane emotions rushing around in my head and I can't turn them off. It's like my brain is short-circuiting. I'm trying, I really am." The floodgates opened now as a wave of tears splashed around her. "You two are the only things that keep me going most of the time but I know I'm failing you. Jett's too young to realise but I know you resent me most of the time."

"I know you're trying Mom. Maybe you should think about AA or therapy?" I stretched my hand out and held hers gently, rubbing my thumb over hers. "It's equally as hard for me as it is for you, and that isn't fair on either of us."

She squeezed my hand tight and nodded her head in agreement. "I'll try, Jade. I really will." She started to wipe her mascara tears away.

I moved my hand slowly to her face and carefully wiped her cheeks clear of any tears. "Thank you."

She brushed herself off slightly. "Why don't you ask Tori if she wants to sleepover tonight?"

"Way ahead of you." I smirked pulling my phone out of my back pocket. "She'll be over in an hour or two." I headed out the kitchen and towards the staircase, turning back as I reached the bottom of the stairs. "You got this Mom."

...

"Okay what three items would you bring to a desert island if you were stuck there?" Tori lay at the end of the bed with her head resting on her arms as we watched old re-runs of survival shows.

I ran my fingers over her the back of her body as I thought. "You go first."

"Okay I'd bring a survival guide for dummies, sunblock and something that will make all water drinkable. Salt water is lethal!"

"You've clearly thought about this before." I laughed. "Right well I guess I would bring a boat, a captain of that boat and fuel for the boat."

"That's cheating!" She giggled, as she rolled her eyes playfully.

"Hey don't hate the player, hate the game." I stuck my tongue out at her. "Okay my go." I sat and thought for a moment. "Would you rather have your arm eaten by a shark or your leg eaten by tiny deadly ants?"

"Jade! Tori exclaimed. "You are a psychopath you know!"

"I know." I said proudly. "So?"

"I mean I guess the shark one. It would be quicker and hurt less. Like imagine tiny little ants eating away at you slowly. Eww."

I took her arm in my hand and pretended to gnaw at it. "Same. Plus it would be an awesome story to tell."

She giggled as she pulled her arm away from me. "Okay how about would you rather watch a sunrise or a sunset?"

"Sunset."

"Wow that was quick. You didn't even think about that."

"What would you pick?"

She sat up with a tilted head, tucking her hair behind her ear and scrunching her lips in concentration. "They're both beautiful, but I guess sunset too. I love looking at the stars. There is something so magical and yet so terrifying when you think of the stars and space."

"Right? Like there is no way we are alone out here. And don't even get me started on how small we really are in comparison to the entire universe. It's wild!"

Her eyes lit up. "Totally! My dad, Trina and I used to lay out on our patio at night when we were kids and he would tell us all these elaborate stories about the stars and the constellations. It would entertain us for hours. And if we saw a shooting star that was a bonus."

"That's cute." I loved seeing her talk passionately about anything. Her entire body changed, her eyes lit up, she became exaggerated with her movements and you could just tell she cared so much about what she was talking about and was genuinely happy.

"I thought about studying astronomy in college one day."

"You best name a star after me, Vega!"

"I'll name a whole galaxy after you if I can."

I hit her with a cushion. "Stop being such a cheese ball." I laughed. "I'm going to hold you to that though." I sat upright quickly, my eyes scanning around my room. "Hold up, I have an amazing idea!"

"When you say that it never ends well..." Tori scrunched her face up at me.

"I know it's here somewhere." I rummaged through my drawers and closet, throwing clothing and odd items everywhere.

"Jade you're making a mess!"

"You sound like my Mom...GOT IT!" I pulled out a top of the range camera my parents had got me for Christmas the year earlier. "So when I was younger I was super into photography, and to an extent I still am, but just not as much. I took an extra class at Hollywood Arts to learn all about how to take the perfect photo and about all the cool things cameras can do so my parents got me this and I've barely used it in months."

"So you want to take pictures?" Tori's eye narrowed as she raised a brow at me.

"Not just any old picture." I pointed out of my large window towards the array of sparkling glows lighting up the sky. "Let's take photos of the stars. It's a super clear night so it'll be perfect for it."

"That sounds awesome!" Tori stood up and headed to the window. "Where shall we go? Your backyard?"

I grabbed a hoodie and threw it on over my head. "Nah, the light from the house and the neighbors will ruin the shot. We'll have to drive to a lookout spot or something."

Tori followed in suit and grabbed a hoodie of mine as well as a large, deep blue blanket from the end of my bed. She clocked me looking at her weirdly. "It might be windy or cold."

"Sure you don't want to bring your survival guide for dummies book as well?" I teased.

"Ha ha." Tori kissed my cheek as we headed for the door.

"I think my Mom is asleep, so we need to be quiet." I lied. I'd seen her sneak a bottle of red wine into her study just before Tori arrived, but that wasn't Tori's problem to worry about.

Tori nodded as we tiptoed down the stair case. The moon was full tonight and was lighting up the entire house beautifully. I grabbed my keys and shut the front door as quietly as possible. "Go get in the car, I'm just going to grab something."

I crept back into the house and slowly made my way into the kitchen. My house wasn't exactly old but certain floorboards creaked loudly under my weight so I had to manoeuvre myself carefully as I moved. I knew exactly where Mom hid her 'secret' stash of alcohol. She thinks because I don't often volunteer to help her clean the house that I don't know she hides all her alcohol and cigarettes under the sink. Maybe if I took a bottle or two she'd take it easier tonight. I pushed a small bottle of vodka into my short pocket and a bottle of white wine before sneaking back out of the house in silence.

"Okay, let's go!" I pushed the keys into the ignition and turned the radio on loudly. "Any requests?"

"Kesha!" Tori almost squealed in excitement.

"Calm down DJ Vega." I laughed, flicking through my PearPod to find Keshas album.

"So where are we going?"

"Where we first met." I smiled and laced my hand into hers as I drove.

...

"It's just so beautiful isn't it." Tori sat with crossed legs and wrapped around her shoulders like a cape. She watched almost in awe as I started to take photos of the sky. "Let me see!"

I held the camera over towards her. "They won't look as good on this screen. We'll have to upload them to my computer and then I can play around with the editing and really make them look amazing."

"You're kidding me right?" She examined the photos carefully, scanning from one to another and then looking back at me with a proud grin on her face. "You are so talented, Jade West."

My heart began to beat faster as her eyes locked onto mine with an intensity only meant for me on her face. "Thanks." I whispered.

"I mean it. You are the most talented and most beautiful person I've ever met." She looked towards the view that collided into the starry night above. "And being here is so special."

"Who'd have thought it?" I pulled out the bottle of vodka that was stabbing into me in my pocket. "What do you say? For old times sake?"

She laughed as she took the bottle from my hand. As she began to drink she stopped abruptly. "You can't drink and drive. I'll do a lot of crazy shit with you but I draw the line there."

"I'm not an idiot, Vega." I tugged at the blanket wrapped around her. "Who wants to take a few photos of the stars when we could sleep under them...wanna camp out?" I wriggled my eyebrows at her. "If it gets too cold the back of my car is pretty big and rather comfy."

Her eyes lit up. "You're crazy. But that's why I love you." She took a sip, wiping her lips. "Plus we go back to school in a week, so we best make the most of summer while we can I suppose!"

My stomach dropped as she spoke. It was something I had thought about all summer long, that these moments and how we had been existing up until now were not going to last forever, and we were going to be thrust back into reality at an alarming rate in just seven days. "Please don't remind me."

She took a long drink, her face grimacing at the taste. "We'll still see each other silly."

"I know, but it won't be the same will it."

"It will be the same because it's still going to be us. We'll make it work, trust me." She placed her hand on top of mine and smiled sympathetically.

I leaned forward, brushing my nose against hers before softly placing a loving kiss on her lips. "I know."

If only I'd known.

...

A/N - Okay so at the beginning of the panini I was like wow I will have so much time to write and I will be so inspired but I guess being stuck in the same four walls for the best part of a year and experiencing nothing can really give you writers block! So I do apologize for how long it's taken me to update and I'm not going to promise anything but I truly hope I've got my writing bug back and I can update again a lot sooner than before!

Hope you are all keeping safe 3