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CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX: Familiarity breeds Contempt
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Theo burst through the doors, completely out of breath as he stared wide-eyed at the back of his childhood best friend. He let out a sigh of relief at the sight of Draco seated against the tower's unglazed window; one leg bent while the other spread out on top of the thick ledge as he held onto a bottle of firewhiskey.
"Knew I'd find you here." Came his winded tone. Ever since they were kids, Draco always ran to the manor's highest tower whenever he wanted to be alone. He's lost count of all the times the blonde had almost given him a heart attack whenever he'd catch him drunkenly lounging on the edge of the window during his house arrest.
Theo stalked towards him slowly, resting a hand over his outstretched shin; scared that any sudden movements might tip him over. He watched Draco turn his gaze towards him temporarily, before staring back out towards sunny sky. The dark purple bruises under his eyes told him he'd been out here all evening.
"What do you want, Theo?"
"I got a letter from your mother. She was asking if I knew the reason behind your…" He eyed the half empty bottle of alcohol, fighting the urge to groan out loud. "…sudden change in disposition."
Draco hummed noncommittally, ignoring the unrelenting gaze Theo had on him. He's been avoiding his mother for over a week now, ever since Granger walked in on him in his room. He knew the Gryffindor's presence in his home had been his mother's doing. Why, he had no clue, but he wasn't particularly in the mood to get into another row with her. She could do whatever the hell she wanted. This was her house after all. He just…
He didn't fucking care anymore.
"So, are you going to tell me, or am I going to have to guess again?" Theo eyed him warily, thinking of a way to get the firewhiskey out of his hands with the least amount of resistance.
"It's nothing."
Theo closed his eyes, resisting the urge to snap back with his own brand of sarcasm. Why was it always so difficult to get him to talk? "Draco, what happened?" He huffed impatiently when all he got for an answer was silence.
The door to the tower creaked, making them turn towards the sound.
Blaise shifted his gaze between the two Slytherins by the window, brandishing a piece of paper tucked between his fingers. "Care to explain?" He raised a brow towards the Malfoy heir.
Draco clicked his tongue. It seems his mother sent a letter to Blaise as well. "It's nothing." He said more firmly this time, pulling his leg out from under Theo's hold. He stood up swiftly, wobbling a bit at the sudden movement.
Theo raised a hand against his arm to steady him, but Draco shrugged his shoulder, rejecting his help.
"I'm sure it's nothing." Blaise dropped his gaze towards the bottle in Draco's hand before throwing him a knowing look.
"But since you're both here, I might as well discuss my loan request." Draco leaned back carelessly against the ledge, making Theo flinch at the movement. He glared at the brunette pureblood pushing him away from the window, directing him towards the adjacent wall.
Theo folded his arms on his chest, arching a brow up challengingly. "What?"
Draco rolled his eyes. "I need 125,000 Galleons once my deal with Granger ends. I was thinking of asking half from each of you, giving you free reign over the interest rates. Needless to say, payment would be made the moment my Gringotts account becomes accessible again."
"I can shoulder the entire amount. No interest needed." Blaise walked towards him, snatching the bottle of firewhiskey out of his hands without warning. He ignored the groan of protest Draco directed at him, holding onto it as he made his way towards the opposite wall. "You provided the capital for my restaurant. With this we're even."
Draco glared at Blaise, just about to ask for his bottle back, but it had been vanished before he could say another word. He grit his teeth. "Fine." He turned to the door only to see Theo head towards it, leaning his back against the wood, blocking his only manner of escape. "Move." He demanded.
"Not unless you tell us what this…" Theo paused to gesture a hand towards his entirety. "…is all about."
"What did Granger do this time?" Came Blaise's exasperated tone.
"I said it's nothing, didn't I?!" Draco grabbed Theo by the shoulder, strong-arming him off the door to storm out of the room.
"Like fuck it's nothing!" Theo chased after him. Draco's spike of anger at the mention of the Gryffindor's name told him everything he needed to know.
Blaise took a deep breath in, letting it out slowly through his nose. It was like they were back to the time of Draco's house arrest all over again. He stalked after them in silence.
"Stop following me!" Draco yelled over his shoulder as he stomped off.
"Like hell I will!" Theo countered back in defiance, rushing through the hall to catch up with him. "You expect me to just walk away after seeing you back to being piss ass drunk? What's next? You carving out that stupid mark off your arm again?"
"Fucking leave me alone, Theo!"
"I'll leave you the fuck alone when you finally learn to keep your damn sanity in check!"
Blaise let out another breath; the sound of their screaming reverberated against the walls. Whenever Theo and Draco would get like this, no amount of words from him would make them calm down.
"What in the bloody hell happened with Granger, huh?!"
Draco stopped his descent down the staircase to throw a withering glare back at the other Slytherin. "This has nothing to do with her!"
"Oh I'm sure it doesn't!" Theo trudged down the steps, pausing just an arm's reach away from the Malfoy heir. "I mean, it's not like you have any sort of affection towards her, right? And it's not as if you've put any effort into the fake dates you've had lately." He folded his arms on his chest, narrowing his eyes knowingly. "So tell me, how was the private cruise? Or the trip you took to the other side of the world?"
"You, of all people, should know that those were structured to manipulate the public into thinking-"
Theo let out a mirthless laugh, effectively cutting him off. "Are we back to this again?"
Draco said nothing, resuming his way down the stairs, annoyed by the heavy sound of Theo's footsteps as he went after him.
"Are we seriously back to this again, Draco?" Theo called out as he caught up, latching onto the other pureblood's arm to still him in place.
Draco roughly pulled himself out of the hold, chucking a hand up in the air in frustration. "Stop romanticizing a bloody business deal, Theo!"
"Not a single person in this room believes your crap, Draco! And yes, even all these snooty ass Malfoy ancestors!" He paused to gesture towards the paintings littered all over the wall who'd began to hiss at them. "Hello all you pureblood bigots! Fuck you all!" He raised his middle finger, silencing them with one wave of his wand before they could retaliate. He turned around just in time to see Draco head out through the corner of the corridor. He cursed.
Theo rushed towards the edge of the hallway, noticing him just about to push through a set of double doors. "Stop fucking walking away!"
Draco flinched the moment he saw several spells fly out from behind him, hitting the planks of wood right in front of him. He whirled around. "Open the fucking door, Theo!"
"No!"
"Take… your wards down." He warned; voice low and menacing.
Theo shook his head obstinately, not wanting to back down. "Not until you start talking."
"What the fuck is there to talk about?!"
"This!" Theo gestured at him in exasperation. "You! Everything!" He huffed, out of breath from chasing after him. "You always do this, Draco! The moment something pisses you off you just- You shut down! You run away! You-"
"Well it's none of your bloody business, Theo! It's my life!"
"Oh that's just rich…" Theo chucked a hand at him, scoffing as he shook his head in disbelief. "What a perfectly sound argument, Draco! Bravo!" He clapped his hands together mockingly.
Blaise stood by the corner of the hall; wand in hand as he looked on warily. He had half a mind to disarm them both before their argument escalated further when without warning, Draco turned around to cast an incredibly precise, unbelievably controlled Fiendfyre.
His jaw dropped, looking on in stunned silence as the double doors were blasted into pieces. He watched Draco walk through the carnage he just left, shifting his gaze towards Theo's equally speechless form. Just like that, they were reminded of the Malfoy heir's proficiency in dueling.
Theo tightened the grip he had on his wand, steeling his resolve as he followed after Draco. They were in one of the minor ballrooms now; the chandeliers glimmering under the light of the sun that streamed in through the large stained glass windows. He heard Blaise call out to him, warning him not to engage the incensed blonde further; but he paid him no heed.
"What is this really about, huh?! What the hell are you running away from?!" Theo paused to catch his breath, listening to the harsh clicking sound of Draco's steps against the marble floor. Frustrated with the blonde's persistent avoidance, he cast a quick Stupefy towards him; unsurprised when it had been effortlessly blocked.
Draco narrowed his eyes at Theo, squaring his shoulders to face him head on. "Did you just… fire at me?"
Theo swallowed, feeling his anxiety double at the feral look on the Malfoy heir's face. He fisted his hands and grit his teeth, fighting the urge to bolt right out the door. "Is this really how you want to go about things, Draco? Denying everything? Repressing everything?" He ignored the groan of frustration from the blonde, pushing further while he still had the courage. "Do you think if you just keep telling yourself you don't feel anything for Granger, it'll just magically go away?"
"How many fucking times do you want me to say it?! I'm not in love with her!" Draco glared at the stunned look on Theo's face, seeing a similar expression on Blaise as he stood by the ballroom entrance. "What?!" He yelled at them in annoyance.
"Nobody said anything about love, Draco." Came Theo's quiet but firm tone.
Draco felt his lips part when he finally realized what he had just said. He shook his head both in denial and in disbelief. It was a mistake… A slip of the tongue… He didn't mean it.
He didn't mean any of it!
The silence that suddenly enveloped them was deafening.
Theo let out a breath, running a hand through his face. "So that's it? You're in love with her, and now you're running away?"
Draco opened his mouth to rebut the statement, but the Nott heir beat him to it.
"Is this about her blood?"
"What?" Draco asked barely above a whisper, eying Theo incredulously for saying something so stu– He froze in place. In the past few months he spent with Granger, not a single instance did the issue of blood purity cross his mind. Not even once.
"If it's not about that, then what is it?" Theo eyed him frantically, searching for a reason to explain his behavior. "Your sentence is finally over, Draco. You're free. So why are you holding yourself back? Just go for it! Go after her! Shoot your fucking shot and-"
"I have nothing to offer her!"
Theo quieted down at the raw sound of Draco's answer, completely at a loss for words. He watched him bow his head down low, hiding his eyes under the fringe of his hair.
Draco wasn't sure what to be more embarrassed about – his desperate admission, or the pathetic tone of his voice.
All he had at the moment… was a tarnished name, a criminal record, a frozen inheritance, a haunted manor, and an addiction that just wouldn't go away. He was a jobless trust fund kid who's never earned a single thing in his life.
He had… nothing.
He was nothing.
"As much as it usually amuses me to see you so vocal about your insecurities, Draco, this…" Theo gestured a hand at him tiredly. "This right here is just downright depressing."
The memory of Granger being mocked back at the Quidditch pitch for defending him flashed in Draco's mind. If the tabloids were any indication, he was willing to bet that she was experiencing the same treatment elsewhere. His image may have improved, but it had been at the cost of hers.
He was dragging her down to lift himself up.
"Draco, this whole martyr act doesn't fit you. Out of everything else, this is the one thing you can at least allow yourself to be selfish with."
Draco shook his head in disapproval. Theo was wrong. This was the one thing he couldn't allow himself to be selfish about. "I don't expect you to understand." He turned around to walk away again.
"Do you think Granger's going to ask you what the hell you can offer her? Do you honestly think she'll care about any of that?" Theo eyed his retreating back in frustration.
"She's not your father, Draco!"
"Theo." Blaise called out warningly, choosing to end his silence when he noticed the Malfoy heir abruptly pause in his steps.
Draco clenched his hands to his sides, trying his best to swallow down the bubbling rage in his chest. "Shut up, Theo."
"Stop measuring your worth based on your parents' expectations! Stop using their fucked up idea of love as a basis for your own! You need to stop reflecting their ideals and for once just bloody think for yourself-"
"I said shut up!"
"No! I don't think I will! Because fuck, Draco, this has gone on long enough!" Theo strengthened his resolve, fixing his determined gaze on the back of his childhood best friend. He heard Blaise call out to him again, but he continued to ignore him.
"Just because you had to work so hard to earn some modicum of affection from your parents, doesn't mean that it's always how things should be! Running yourself ragged, scrambling for scraps of praise and attention... That isn't love!"
"Fine!" Draco whirled around to glare at him. "You want to talk about parents, Theo?! Is that what you fucking want?! How about we talk about yours then?! You know? The fact that you never knew your mother, and the only thing your father ever taught you was how to take a bloody hit!"
"That's enough." Blaise raised a hand towards the Malfoy heir, wanting to disperse the whole situation; but the blonde Slytherin held his ground.
"Oh, and you mentioned love didn't you?!" Draco began to make his way towards Theo; the weight of his angry footsteps reverberating throughout the wide expanse of the ballroom. "How about romance, then? Is it a night with Lovegood, McLaggen, or some other warm body who's willing enough to spend the night? Never mind that none of them ever bother to stay through the mornings, right?"
"Draco, enough." Blaise reiterated once again as he disarmed them both with two precise flicks of his wand. The pair of wooden sticks flew through the air, landing haphazardly against the marble floor; but neither of them even flinched.
"You talk as if you're such an expert so tell me, Theo! What's a father's love really supposed to feel like, huh? Should it leave me winded, battered, and bruised?"
Theo closed the gap between them in three quick steps, crowding the Malfoy heir's space in no time. "It's better than acting like a bloody house elf at his fucking beck and call." He spat back through gritted teeth, relishing in the way the blonde's eyes flashed dangerously. "So fuck you, Draco. Fuck. You."
"Why so prickly, Theo?" Draco bit back with a cruel smirk on his lips, letting out a mirthless chuckle. "You were the one who wanted to talk! So please! In all your infinite wisdom, elaborate for me! What's it like having a father who-"
Theo's fist landed on Draco's face before he could even finish his sentence.
Draco reached out to drag Theo along with him to the floor, flipping them over to land a hit against the side of his jaw.
Blaise stunned them in place before either of them could land another blow. He barged towards them in aggravation, pulling Draco off of Theo through the back of his shirt's collar, chucking him a few feet away. He undid the spell, opening his mouth to chastise them further when Theo lunged back at Draco, barreling him towards the floor.
Draco dropped an elbow against Theo's back, groaning in pain at the feel of pounding fists against the side of his torso.
Blaise stunned them again. "What the fuck is wrong with you idiots?!" He screamed in frustration as he pulled Theo off, dragging his rigid form all the way to the other end of the ballroom. He doubled back to do the same with Draco, making sure they were several meters apart.
"If you morons try that shit again I'm blasting you both back against the bloody wall!" Blaise stood in the middle of the ballroom, shifting his warning gaze between them before undoing the spell once again. He watched them come back to life, huffing and sneering at one another as they cradled their injuries.
Draco moved first. He stood up, turning around to walk away as he silently summoned his wand back to his hand.
Theo followed not soon after, stepping out through the opposite end of the ballroom the moment he'd gotten a hold of his wand.
Blaise ran a hand through his face, sighing in exasperation. It really was like they were back to the year of Draco's house arrest.
Pansy scanned the elf walking right in front of her, noticing its red halter top riddled with sequins, and the loose pair of patchwork denims on its legs. She rolled her eyes. Where did Theo even find those clothes?
"Mastow Tio woom." The elf gestured a hand towards the double doors as it bowed its leave.
"Thank you, Willow." Pansy called out offhandedly, rolling her head a few times and shrugging her shoulders in preparation. She could only imagine the kind of wards someone like Theo would have in his room. She sighed.
Why was she involving herself in this whole thing again?
The image of Blaise sulking by the sofa of her living room last night, drowning her flat in an endless cloud of cigarette smoke made her groan. Here she thought he'd finally gotten rid of that repulsive habit.
He'd given her the gist of what had happened, making her scoff at the ridiculousness of it all. Hitting each other with their daddy issues? Did Draco and Theo seriously expect themselves to win in that situation? She snorted.
Most of Draco's problems with his father she knew. He wasn't exactly secretive about it back when they were dating. Theo's, on the other hand, she could only speculate. But in all the times she's seen them together at an event, the Nott patriarch's heavy handedness didn't leave much to the imagination.
Pansy waved her wand against his door, checking for– She blinked once. Twice. No, that couldn't be right. She did it again, testing out the room's wards one more time. She let out a long, slow breath, rolling her eyes as she lined her wand up against the knob.
"Alohamora."
She scoffed at the sound of the door unlocking. Could the Nott heir be more obvious? She pushed her way into his room. "I can tell you really don't want to be bothered at all, Theo." She paused by the entrance the moment her gaze zoned in on him sitting on the couch. He had his knees drawn up; arms wrapped around his shins protectively as he stared unblinking at the fireplace.
Pansy pulled a little on the silk scarf around her neck, suddenly not knowing what to do with her hands. She cleared her throat, shutting the door behind her before making her way towards him apprehensively. "Mind if I sit?" She pointed at the space on the sofa.
Theo shrugged, not bothering to spare her a glance.
Pansy sat down beside him, smoothing the fabric of her skirt with her palms. "I heard from Blaise." She threw him a quick side glance, at a loss over how to approach this version of him. "Do you want to talk about it?"
Theo shook his head; gaze still glued on the dancing flames.
Pansy tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear, calling on Willow to bring them some wine. She poured him a generous amount, sliding it towards the side of the table directly across from him. She filled her own glass, twirling it in one hand as they sat in silence. She wasn't unused to situations like this. Blaise wasn't exactly the ranting type, and would simply brood mutely whenever he was going through something.
"I hit him."
Pansy turned towards Theo; the initial blank expression on his face now melancholic.
"I didn't mean to…" Came his quiet admission. He and Draco have had physical altercations in the past, but this was the first instance either of them actually threw a punch.
And he had been the instigator.
"Well, that thing on your face tells me he didn't exactly hold back either." She jutted her chin towards the bruise on his jaw. "Do you want me to heal that?"
Theo shook his head, not saying anything further as they fell into another bout of silence.
Pansy busied herself with her wine, not pushing for the Nott heir to speak. She knew he would eventually, if he really wanted to.
"I know I'm… I know I'm shit at the emotional crap…" Theo closed his eyes. "That I'm insecure, and pushy and… and that I use humor and sarcasm like a fucking armor." He cleared his throat when his voice began to shake. "I know my bloody trust issues run so deep and I don't… I don't think it'll ever go away long enough for me to be with anyone and…" He sighed out loud in frustration. "And I know I'm messed up, okay? I know that better than anyone else." He struggled to keep his breathing even, holding in the involuntarily hitching of his chest. "But fuck I just…" He huffed, fighting the tears welling up in his eyes.
"I just wished my best friend didn't think of me that way, too."
"He doesn't."
"How would you know?" Theo turned away from Pansy, rubbing the corners of his eyes against the fabric over his knees.
"Because I know Draco, and I'm sure you do as well. He knows exactly what to say, and how to say it to make it hurt, but it doesn't mean he means it." She scoffed bitterly. It was one of his more unsavory qualities that always made her want to slap him in the face. "He's an expert at pushing people away. It's his specialty. Alongside running away from anything that makes him feel out of control." She threw Theo a quick glance, twirling the glass of wine in her hand. "It's what makes him such an asshole."
"But it was all my fault, you know? I started talking about his father and-"
"I'm going to stop you right there." Pansy raised a hand in the air, making Theo turn back to glare at her. "Not all of it is your fault."
"Of course it is!"
"You need to stop doing that."
"Doing what?"
"Blaming yourself for everything!" Pansy snapped her head towards him, annoyed by his propensity to always take the fall. "Whenever you get into an altercation with Draco, you always cave!"
"No I don't!"
"Yes, you do, Theo. The fact that you're so unaware is absolutely ridiculous." Pansy rolled her eyes. The way he was now – endlessly apologetic, ceaselessly remorseful, relentlessly accommodating – reminded her so much of how she used to be before she finally started rebelling.
I'm sorry, mother. I'll do better next time I promise.
I didn't mean to speak out of turn, mother. I apologize.
It was my mistake. I'll make it right, mother, I swear.
"You had every right to call Draco out on all his crap. If not you, then who? If not now, then when?" Pansy eyed him resolutely. "Apologizing every single time you offend him for being truthful, where does that get you?"
"It's just that… I could have done it in a much better way."
"What's done is done. There's not much that you can do about that now. But Theo, don't ever apologize for speaking up."
Theo eyed the stern look on Pansy's face, unable to find any words to say.
"I care about Draco. You know I do. But that doesn't mean I'll always take his side. He's wrong if he's wrong. He's right if he's right. Slapping someone with the truth is caring."
Theo turned his gaze away from Pansy, shifting them back to the fireplace as he let her words sink in.
They fell into another round of silence; the intermittent popping of firewood echoing through the quiet of the night.
"You know, back when we were kids, whenever our fathers would be out doing… Merlin knows what… I'd be dropped off at his manor for a couple of days." Theo blinked at the flames, allowing the memory to play in his head. "I have a hard time sleeping if I'm not in my own room so… I'd always head over to his."
Draco would grumble and complain, rubbing his half-asleep eyes in annoyance; but he would always let him in, muttering the same warning every single time.
If you hog the covers I'm going to kick you off the bed.
The image of a five-year-old Blaise Zabini standing outside her room, anxious and teary eyed flashed in Pansy's mind.
I can't sleep, Parks… Can I stay in your room please?
"Draco is… He's the only family I have, Pans. He was the only one who bothered to talk to me, spend time with me, and treat me like... like I'm an actual living thing and not some bloody piece of furniture against the wall." He tucked his head between his knees. "I can't believe I said all those things to him. I'm such a fucking idiot."
Pansy huffed out a sigh. "Well… If it's any consolation… Blaise and I have been through something similar." Her statement earned her the Nott heir's undivided attention.
"It was after his house warming party. You and Draco were there, remember?" She took note of Theo's nod before continuing. "I knew he was friends with you, what with all the times I've run into you in his flat." She rolled her eyes. "What I didn't know was the fact that he recklessly involved himself with Draco during his house arrest." She snorted.
When Blaise finally told her how he ended up reconnecting with the Malfoy heir, she had been livid. It was one thing for him to end up being close friends with her cold-hearted ex; but it was another thing entirely when he had potentially risked himself being sentenced to Azkaban.
One slip up! One bloody mistake and you would have been detained, Bin! What the hell were you thinking sneaking into Malfoy manor, completely foregoing Ministry protocol?! I don't give a fuck about Draco or Theo! They could both rot in Azkaban for all I care! But you-
You're starting to sound just like your mother.
To say that Blaise's statement sent her reeling was the understatement of the century. So she hit him back with a level of ferociousness that left even her utterly stunned during the aftermath.
"Long story short, it ended up being a game of 'whose mother ruined whom the most'." She shook her head. "Sound familiar?" She threw him a knowing look, noticing his wide-eyed gaze.
"How did you fix it?" Theo finally lifted his head off his knees.
"I apologized." Pansy admitted, albeit begrudgingly. "He may have fired first, but I… I pretty much countered with an unforgivable."
"Then you both made up?"
"No."
Theo blinked at this. "No?"
"No." Pansy reiterated while she refilled her glass of wine. "But then a few days after, he eventually asked for my forgiveness as well."
Theo nodded in understanding. "And you forgave him." He concluded.
"No."
"No?" He eyed her incredulously.
"No." Pansy smirked smugly. Her pride had taken a fatal hit after all. "After that, we pretty much avoided each other for a couple of weeks until his mother hosted another one of her soirees." She shrugged, taking a quick sip of wine. "We ran into each other by the dessert table, reaching for the last piece of pumpkin pie. We did the whole, 'Go ahead you can have it, No you, No I insist', etcetera, etcetera, and then poof! We were friends again."
Theo eyed her dubiously.
"And just for the record, I got the last piece of pumpkin pie." She grinned.
"I'm sure that makes you very proud." He deadpanned.
"Immensely." Pansy flipped her hair back with aplomb.
Theo sighed, leaning his chin over his knees. "So what you're telling me is that it'll take a couple of weeks, probably even months, before this whole thing blows over?"
She shrugged. "I don't know. How do your fights with Draco usually resolve?"
"…No idea."
She blinked at this a few times. "What do you mean you have no idea?"
It was Theo's turn to shrug this time. "We just, I don't know, hang out like nothing's wrong and then poof! We're friends again."
Pansy rolled her eyes at his use of her words. "So you mean to say… neither of you have ever apologized for anything?"
Theo tilted his head to one side, only just now realizing the weight of that statement.
"How utterly absurd." Pansy mumbled to herself as she shook her head.
"I've never… I didn't… I haven't even apologized for leaving him during the war." Theo dropped his gaze to the floor. He could still remember all the things he used to tell himself whenever his thoughts drifted back to the Malfoy heir.
Draco was smart, capable, and strong. He was an excellent duelist with an impressive mastery of potions. He had his parents there with him, and the rest of the dark lord's army to keep him safe. Draco would be fine. He didn't need him. He doubted he would be of any use anyway.
He would whisper those words reassuringly to himself every single night, just before he went to sleep inside the comfort of the five-star muggle hotel room he barricaded himself in.
While Draco was busy following orders from a mass murderer, he was watching television, learning about the muggle world through the colored box full of moving pictures.
While Draco was fighting for his life during the war, he was busy navigating through unfamiliar streets and establishments, relishing in the wonderful feeling of anonymity.
There he was nameless. There no one cared. There no one knew who he was.
There he was finally free.
"I was safe from the war, hiding from everything while he-"
"Are we back to this again?" Pansy rolled her eyes in exasperation. "How many times are you going to berate yourself for something that wasn't even your responsibility?"
"But I owe Draco a lot and-"
"That doesn't mean you have to put your life on the line just to repay him, Theo. You said so yourself. When he first saw you after the war, he was grateful you were alive."
"But I left him!"
"But you also helped him throughout the entirety of his house arrest!"
"It's not enough!"
"Then when is it ever enough?" Pansy chucked a hand at him in aggravation. "When is this debt of yours supposed to be paid in full? I'm not an expert at friendship, Theo, but last time I checked, it doesn't have a currency. Do you count every single favor you do for Draco?"
"Of course not!"
"Then there's your answer! Nobody is making a tally of anything so stop fixating on it!" She clicked her tongue in annoyance, tucking back misplaced strands of her hair against her ear. "You don't have to keep proving yourself, Theo. You're already his friend. That fact won't change no matter what."
Pansy found herself staring into teary hazel eyes.
"You really think so?"
She sighed. "When have I ever been wrong?"
"Well… There was that time when-"
"It was a bloody rhetorical question, Theo." She rolled her eyes, about to reprimand him further when the sight of him crying silenced her. She watched him hiccup through his tears as he rested his chin against his knees once again. She let out a long, slow breath, dropping her shoulders down in resignation. "Fucking fine…"
Theo felt a pair of hands land on his shoulders, tilting him down slowly towards the seat cushion. The side of his head landed against the warmth of Pansy's lap as her fingers threaded through his hair soothingly.
"Uh… Pans-"
"Shut up before I change my mind."
Theo hid his face into her lap when he felt another wave of tears overwhelm him. He brought his arm over his head, hoping the gesture could hide some bit of his shame.
Pansy untied the silk scarf around her neck, transfiguring it into a blanket before draping it over Theo's shaking form. She dug her hands under the cloth, running her fingers through his hair as he cried silently against her lap.
She's only ever done this for Blaise when they were kids. It was the only thing that would calm him down whenever he would panic about being abandoned by his mother. She didn't think she would ever do it for anyone else. So as she stared down Theo's quivering form hidden from plain sight by the blanket, she couldn't help but click her tongue.
Why the hell did she have a soft spot for sad boys?
"That's a disgusting habit."
Blaise turned away from the open window to raise a brow at the blonde lounging on the mattress by the corner. He shifted his gaze onto the bottle of firewhiskey in his hand, silently daring him to say another word as he brought the cigarette back between his lips.
Draco huffed, rolling his eyes as he took another swig from the bottle. "What do you want, Blaise?"
He said nothing, taking his sweet time inhaling the smoke from the nicotine stick between his fingers, blowing it out through the window. He eyed the star-filled sky, thinking of a myriad of ways he could have enjoyed this evening instead of standing inside a mangy building for the help.
"I'm here to call you out." Came his even, nonchalant tone.
"Call me out?" Draco scoffed in amusement. "On what?"
"The argument you had with Theo yesterday." He answered matter-of-factly, keeping his gaze out towards the horizon.
"So you're taking his side?"
Blaise fought the urge to roll his eyes at Draco's accusatory tone. "I'm not taking anyone's side. You were both idiots." He exhaled another lung full of smoke, realizing he was burning through his cigarette much faster than he would have liked. "Though I must admit, Draco, you deserve an award for being the bigger asshole."
"He fucking hit me first!"
"Yes. The blame does tend to fall to whomever draws first blood." Came Blaise's sarcastic, monotonous drawl. "It's not like you did anything, or said anything, that would actually merit a punch on the face."
"He fucking started it!"
"Yes. The audacity of Theo. Calling you out on your repetitive, destructive behavior? How dare he."
Draco grit his teeth as he glared at Blaise's relaxed demeanor by the window. "If there's something you want to say then just fucking say it." The noncommittal sound he got as a reply made him bristle in annoyance. "Are you looking for a fucking fight, too?!"
"Why?" Blaise turned towards him languidly. "Are you going to try and make it so I'd want to bash your face in as well?" He didn't wait for an answer, turning back towards the window to exhale the smoke out of his chest. He eyed what was left of his cigarette, estimating a total of at least five more puffs before it finally ran out.
"If you don't have a bloody thing to say, then just leave! Take your damn cigarettes out of my fucking room!"
Blaise turned around, leaning against the window's ledge as he eyed the potions laboratory before him. It was sanitary enough, neat and tidy even. He was sure Tobi made it his life's mission to keep his master's quarters as spotless as possible; but the amount of things cramped in it made it seem more like a long-forgotten storage space.
Draco ran a hand through his face, aggravated by Blaise's outright dismissal. He pushed himself off the bed, maneuvering through the room with wobbly legs. He reached for the nearest cauldron, using it to propel himself towards the wall by the door, flinging it open carelessly. "There! Now get the fuck out!"
Blaise's hand paused in midair when he realized he finally finished the stick in his hand. He vanished it with a wave of his wand, alongside the trail of ash he left all over the floor and window. He let out a long, slow breath, resting his palms onto his lap as he leaned back further against the window sill.
"Did you know what Theo was up to during the entirety of your house arrest?"
Draco's face scrunched up in confusion. "Why the hell are we talking about-"
"He was under house arrest. Just like you." Blaise answered curtly. Theo only ever left Malfoy manor whenever his wards informed him of a surprise inspection, or if he just desperately needed a few hours away for the sake of his sanity. Most of which had been spent in Blaise's flat either ranting, brooding, or breaking down.
"Do you know how he always managed to pop out of nowhere whenever you decided to do something stupid like, oh I don't know… Stand on top of a tower window, or take a bloody swim in the middle of the lake while you were piss ass drunk?" Blaise paused, waiting for an answer, but Draco said nothing. "How about the times he always managed to catch you the moment your hand landed onto something sharp or potentially lethal? Do you know how?" He asked again, but Draco continued to remain silent.
"The amount of warding he had to do…" Blaise shook his head as he chuckled to himself, but his amusement didn't reach his eyes. "Did you know this room of yours used to warn him every single time you took a step out of it? And that he'd given all your elves pieces of jewelry to wear that they could use to reach him during emergencies?"
Draco dragged his gaze away from Blaise, glaring at the stone floor instead. "Why the fuck are you telling me all this?"
"I just wanted to see if you knew." Blaise admitted unapologetically. And judging by the look on the Malfoy heir's face, he didn't have a clue.
(Flashback)
Blaise stood by the door of Draco's room, pausing at the sound of yelling. He nudged the old, worn-down wooden door slightly, peeking in through the small gap.
"Eat." Theo demanded, as he reached out a spoonful of soup towards Draco. The Malfoy heir was sitting on his bed completely unresponsive, staring into space with a blank look on his face as he leaned against the wall.
"Draco." Theo called out more forcefully this time, pressing the tip of the spoon against his lips.
Blaise watched as Draco turned his head to one side, spilling the contents of the spoon onto his cheek and the collar of his shirt.
Theo dropped the spoon back into the bowl sitting on top of the food tray on his lap. "What the hell is wrong with you?" He ran a hand through his face as he eyed the listless blonde in front of him.
Blaise looked on as Theo slammed the tray onto the mattress, tossing the spoon away before grabbing the bowl to lift it up against Draco's mouth.
"Eat damn it!"
Draco lifted a hand this time, slapping the bowl away from his face, shattering it against the stone floor.
Blaise could feel Theo's growing aggravation at the sight of him repeatedly rubbing his hands against his face.
"First, you maul your stupid forearm! Next you banish all your damn house elves! And now you won't even fucking eat?!" Theo fisted his hands against the fabric of Draco's shirt, pulling at him to slam him back against the wall. "Are you seriously trying to kill yourself?! Is that it?!"
Blaise shifted his gaze towards the Malfoy heir's impassive face, not even flinching even as Theo's unrelenting shoves grew more and more forceful.
"Say something you bloody idiot! Fucking say something!"
Blaise raised a hand to push against the door, ready to stop Theo's tirade when the sound of sobbing stilled him in place. He watched Theo lean his head against Draco's chest; his relentlessly shoving dying down into weak nudges.
"I can't lose you, too, Draco… I just can't… You're… You're all I have left… So please… Please don't leave me, too…"
(End of flashback)
"He was there for you, Draco. Always." Blaise emphasized, not missing the way the blonde Slytherin still refused to look him in the eye. "Even when I…" Just wanted to give up on you, he stopped himself from saying. "Even when I didn't know what the hell to do with you anymore, Theo he… He was there for you no matter what."
"Well I didn't fucking ask him to!"
Blaise scoffed at the petulant Malfoy heir, shaking his head in disbelief. "Have you ever asked him how he is?" He continued, choosing to ignore Draco's statement altogether. "How he was after that entire year of having to babysit you? Did you even stop to think about that for a second?"
"I just fucking said I didn't ask him to do a bloody thing!"
"Have you ever thanked him?" Blaise pushed on, ignoring the desperate look on Draco's face. "Have you ever-"
"What the fuck do you want from me, Blaise?!" Draco yelled out loud, slamming the door shut in anger. "I didn't ask for any of this! I never asked for any of this shit!" He threw his hands up in the air; the force of the movement making him drunkenly lose his balance. He fell back onto the wooden door, sliding down against it before landing on the cold stone floor in a crumpled heap.
"I didn't ask… for any of this…"
Blaise quieted down at the sight of the blonde pureblood cradling his face into his palms.
Draco ran his hands through his hair, fisting them at the nape of his neck. Fuck he was an ass. He was such a bloody fucking asshole! Why did he have to say all those things to Theo? Why did he have to run his stupid mouth like that?
Ah… He was tired.
He was just so fucking exhausted.
It was just one mistake after another. He couldn't catch a break. He just wanted a damn fucking break!
Draco clenched his eyes shut, burying the memories swirling in his head as far away as he could. He pushed and pushed, willing them to disappear into the recesses of his mind. He just needed some quiet. He just needed to be numb for a little while.
He just needed to stop… feeling.
"She's not your father, Draco!"
"Oh Draco! My dearest childhood friend! Glad to know you got my owl! We need to stop them from spawning!"
"You would have been called the class salutatorian. You know, because you were second."
"Like fuck I'll hand them back! You're fucking bleeding you fucking idiot!"
"You've got balls of brass I'll give you that! Hermione Granger, of all people! It's like the worst fucking karma for you mate!"
"Oh come on, Draco! You've always wanted a pet since we were kids!"
"Draco, you're a lot of things. A total git being one of them. But you're not pathetic. You were always the brave one."
"That's not how it works, Draco. You can't pick who your dick stands for."
"Draco, have you seen your notes? They give disorganized a whole new meaning! Besides, you can't call those chicken scratches words!"
"I can't lose you, too, Draco… I just can't… You're… You're all I have left… So please… Please don't leave me, too…"
Draco leaned his head against the stone floor. His initial plan of burying his consciousness backfired, leaving him drowning in his memories of Theo. He tried again, pushing them forcefully towards the back of his mind when the smell of chamomile and mint suddenly hit him.
"Don't go away again, Draco, okay? Promise me… Please. Just stay here. Just stay with me."
Draco let out a quiet sob. Just how was it possible for Granger to stop him from retreating into himself, when she wasn't even here in the first place?
Blaise pulled Draco up through his shoulders, uncurling him from his position on the floor to lean him back against the wooden door. He tipped the vial of calming draught against his lips, watching him gradually settle down as he finished the potion.
Blaise brought one of Draco's arms across his shoulders, helping him up off the floor to deposit him back on his bed. He sat on the edge of the mattress, watching Draco blink sluggishly at the ceiling.
"Do you think he'll ever forgive me?"
Blaise sighed at the sight of a lone tear slipping out through the corner of Draco's eye while he tucked him under the covers. He ran one hand through his face while the other landed onto a mop of blonde hair.
"He won't be able to unless you ask."
Draco nodded, blinking a few more times before he fell into a deep slumber.
Draco cursed under his breath as he pressed the heels of palms against his burning eyes. He turned towards the wall to hide away from the sunlight, groaning when his muscles protested the movement.
He felt like shit.
"Thank you, Tobi."
Draco pushed himself up on one elbow, tilting his head towards the sound of apparition. He watched Blaise pour out two cups of tea on his work table; the smell of breakfast finally reaching his nose. His stomach rumbled just as he felt an overwhelming need to vomit.
"Hangover potion is on the floor next to your mattress." Came Blaise's offhanded statement as he busied himself with their tea.
Draco reached for the vial, uncorking it quickly before pouring it over his mouth. He grabbed the glass of water next to it, chugging it down enthusiastically, spilling some of it over his mouth and onto the sheets of his bed.
He forced himself up, leaning back against the stone wall as he watched Blaise set up their breakfast. He was wearing the same clothes he had on last night. The sleeves of his navy Oxford shirt were rolled up; his tie nowhere to be found. His jacket was draped over an upholstered chair Draco was sure didn't belong in his room. He blinked.
Did Blaise spend the night?
He turned his gaze back towards the other Slytherin, noticing his bloodshot eyes, the weariness in his face, and the pallor of his complexion. One look at the glass bowl full of cigarette butts by the window ledge told him everything he needed to know. He sighed. It's been a long time since he's last seen Blaise smoke.
"You should really quit smoking."
Blaise closed his eyes, barely able to contain the growl of annoyance out of his throat. "Good morning to you, too, Draco. Can I interest you in some breakfast? Or would you like to begin this day by arguing over who has the worse addiction?"
Draco tore his gaze away from the dark eyes that stared at him harshly.
"Let's eat." Blaise ordered as he sat down one of the stools.
Draco grumbled, but made his way towards his work table nonetheless. One look at the breakfast platters had his mouth watering instantly.
Blaise rolled his eyes at the disgusting sight of the blonde pureblood scarfing down the contents of his plate. He called Tobi once again, asking for seconds as Draco choked on a piece of bread. "Slow down. No one's going to steal your food." He chastised as he offered him a glass of water.
Draco emptied it in one go, huffing out a breath of relief, before diving back into his plate. Little by little, tears streamed down his cheeks as he reveled in the wonderful taste of his breakfast.
He'd forgotten just how delicious food could be.
Blaise's hand paused midway; his cup of tea hanging in the air as his lips parted in disbelief. Why the hell was Draco crying? He sighed, pulling out the handkerchief in his pocket, offering it to blonde Slytherin wordlessly. He watched him wipe it sloppily across his face as he continued to shove in bits and pieces of food in his mouth.
Blaise refilled his glass of water, just in case he ended up choking again. He let out a tired breath. The Malfoy heir was seriously high maintenance as fuck.
They ate in silence, with Draco practically inhaling everything in sight while Blaise chewed on his food gracefully.
Draco let out a sigh of content, reaching for the platter full of sweets when Blaise pulled it out of reach.
"Finish your vegetables."
Draco's eye twitched at the command. "I did."
"The three pieces of broccoli on your plate beg to differ."
"Bloody fucking- Just give me the damn pastries!"
"No." Blaise brought it all the way over to his side of the table.
Draco shuffled his hands over his clothes, searching for his wand only to see it tucked inside the pocket of Blaise's trousers. "Give it back!"
"Self-preservation and previous experience has taught me not to leave you with your wand after you have an episode." Blaise took a sip of his tea nonchalantly, as if he had all the time in the world. "You get dessert after you clear your plate."
"Are you my damn mother?!"
Blaise said nothing, plucking out a blueberry cream cheese danish, taking a bite out of it while he eyed him challengingly.
Draco glared at him in disdain as he ran a dozen scenarios in his head. Should he tackle him? Knock him off his chair? Could he be quick enough to grab one off the plate before– He groaned, pressing a hand on the side of his head at the dull throbbing. Fuck he was still hungover! There was no way he could take Blaise on like this. He clicked his tongue. He just wanted some sugar damn it!
Blaise smirked at the sight of the Malfoy heir shoving the broccoli in his mouth before washing them down quickly with a full cup of tea. He rolled his eyes at the sound of disgust from blonde, pushing the platter full of sweets towards him.
Draco chucked a pistachio macaron into his mouth, sneering while he chewed. "Fuck you, Blaise." He grumbled under his breath.
Blaise simply raised his cup of tea in salute, eying the Malfoy heir dubiously as he stuffed one piece of pastry after another into his mouth.
Draco sniffed as he nibbled against a cream puff, feeling content at being full. He finished the rest of the sweets by himself, ignoring the look of judgment Blaise was sending him. He took one last sip of his tea before pushing himself up to stand.
"Do you know where Theo is?"
Draco stood outside the door to Theo's room, rubbing his sweaty palms against the fabric of his trousers. He eyed his shadow against the wood, watching it shift alongside the light of the moon. It was close to midnight now. He sighed.
He had every intention of heading to Nott manor after his breakfast with Blaise, but since he hasn't showered in days, he decided it was only polite that he did. He took his time choosing what to wear. It had been a while since he last stepped out of his room after all.
All dressed and groomed, Draco rationalized that a quick stroll on his broom would help put his mind at ease. So he spent the next hour under the sweltering sun, spinning in circles around his manor. Sweaty with exertion, he opted to have one more bath, followed by another change of clothing.
He spent a good couple of minutes torn between a formal charcoal black suit, and a more laidback storm gray ensemble. It was half past noon by the time he finished, so delaying his visit to afternoon tea was an expected courteous move. Arriving unannounced during a meal was in poor taste after all.
He busied himself with books after a quick lunch, starting with One Thousand Magical Herbs and Fungi by Phyllida Spore. He followed it with Borage's Advance Potion-Making, eventually scanning through Karuzo's New Theory of Numerology, before landing on Whisp's Quidditch through the Ages. Why the hell he had a book about Quidditch history in his study, he had no idea.
The sun had already set, and it was well into dinner by the time he finished his perusal of his bookshelf. Since it was incredibly impolite to impose on yet another meal, he decided to wait another hour, which doubled to two just in case Theo's dinner was running a tad bit late. He really didn't want to be rude.
He had half a mind to just forego the entire thing since it was really getting late; but the conversation he had with Blaise wouldn't let him.
Do you think he'll ever forgive me?
He won't be able to unless you ask.
So here he was, standing outside of Theo's room, figuring out how to knock on his door. He knew the Nott heir's wards would have informed him of his arrival by now, so there was no point in loitering in the hall. He raised a hand in the air, pausing just before his knuckles landed on the wood.
What if Theo told him to go away?
He huffed. There was no way he would leave until he's said his piece damn it! He waved his wand at the door. Sure Theo was a genius at wards but that didn't mean– He paused, blinking several times in disbelief. That couldn't be right.
He poked at the wards of the room again, surprised by the lack of resistance. He eyed the door knob suspiciously, sending a quiet Alohamora against it, utterly flabbergasted when he heard it unlock.
Did Theo take all his wards down?
Draco took a deep breath in, knocking against the wood, waiting for a total of three counts before pushing it open. His eyes landed on Theo's defensive stance by the window, staring at him with a guarded look on his face as he crossed his arms against his chest.
"Hey."
The curt nod of acknowledgment he got from Theo made him relax a bit. At least the brunette pureblood wasn't ready to hex his ass off. He shut the door, leaning back against it as he pocketed his hands.
They stood in silence, shifting between sizing one another up and looking at anywhere else in the room.
"Sorry." They uttered simultaneously; eyes darting towards one another instantly.
Theo ran a hand through his face, dropping his gaze down to the floor. "I shouldn't have started that fight."
"No." Draco shook his head. "I was the one who pushed too far."
"I really shouldn't have hit you and-"
"I said things I never should have-"
"I even fired at your back while you were-"
"I goaded you into it and-"
"I was being insensitive about-"
"Theo, would you please stop talking?" Draco raised a hand up to silence him as he closed his eyes to reel in his frustration. "I'm trying to ask for forgiveness here."
"Well, you shouldn't." Theo folded his arms tightly against his chest. "It was all my fault."
"No it wasn't!" Draco eyed him incredulously. "I clearly provoked you!"
"No you didn't! I was pissed and I took it out on you!"
"What?! That should be my line you idiot!"
"You're the idiot!"
"Theo, would you just listen to me?!" Draco raised his palms up in the air, hoping the gesture would will the other Slytherin to keep his mouth shut. "I'm trying to apologize!"
"Well you don't get to!" Theo chucked a hand up in defiance. "I'm the one apologizing here!"
"Just shut up and let me say-"
"I'm sorry!" Theo yelled over him, pressing his index fingers into his ears to stop himself from hearing Draco's words. "There, I said it first! I started the fight. I cast the first hex. I threw the first punch." He eyed Draco resolutely, not allowing any form of rebuttal. "So I'm sorry… I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry!"
Draco threw his hands up in the air, walking off towards the liquor table, stopping midway when he realized just what he was doing. He ran a hand through his face. Fuck he seriously needed to get his shit together.
He sat down the couch right across the fireplace, leaning his elbow against one leg as he cupped his face into his palm. "I'm sorry, Theo… I really am." He let out a long, tired breath. "I didn't mean any of it, I swear…"
Theo joined him on the sofa, planting himself on the other end. "I know…" He slouched towards the arm rest, sending him a quick tentative look. "And I'm sorry, too… I take it back. Everything I said."
"No, you were right." Draco shook his head, running his fingers through his hair as he leaned back against the upholstery. "Everything you said… It was the truth."
Theo felt his guilt increase tenfold at the sight of Draco staring vacantly into the fire. He had the same sad look he always used to have during his house arrest. He grit his teeth. He was an idiot. He was such a bloody fucking idiot! How could he have done that to his best friend? The first person who's ever made him feel alive?
(Flashback)
"Why don't you say anything?"
Theo looked up from the piece of paper he was scribbling on to glance at the blonde sitting across from him. He eyed the wide expanse of the Malfoy library, confused as to why the other boy chose to sit with him instead of occupying another free table.
"You can talk, right?"
Theo nodded, unsure why he would ask such a question.
"Then talk."
"Good day. My name is Theodore Nott."
"I know who you are, Theo." Draco rolled his eyes as he leaned his chin onto his tiny palm. "That line is all you ever say! Say something else!"
Theo felt himself begin to panic under the scrutiny of the other boy's impatient stare. What else was he supposed to say?
"I'm bored so make me laugh."
He furrowed his brows at the command.
"Come on! Say something funny!"
Theo struggled to scan his mind for the word. What did funny mean? He was sure he read it somewhere in one of the books he had at home.
"Ugh, you're so boring!"
He watched Draco scoot off the chair, landing onto his heels before bolting into a run. He returned to the earlier drawings he busied himself with, brushing off the entire exchange. The sudden slam of a hand over the table made him flinch, nearly snapping the quill he held onto in half.
He gaped at the tiny hand pressing a feather against the wood, before staring at the blonde locks that barely reached the top of the table. "Take that." He heard Draco say.
Theo cradled it in his hand, eying it skeptically. It wasn't long enough, or sturdy enough to be a quill.
"Hurry up!" Draco gestured a hand at him, urging him to come over towards the empty space near the idle fireplace.
Theo carefully navigated down the chair, making sure he wouldn't fall off. He held onto the feather as he made his way towards the enthusiastic blonde grinning at him in excitement.
"So Nox taught me this game."
Theo tilted his head to one side in silent inquiry.
"He's one of our elves."
Theo looked at him through wide eyes. "You… play with elves?" He watched Draco's expression perk up.
"Yeah!"
"But… Father said it's inappropriate."
Draco snorted at this. "No it's not. I do it all the time!" He held the feather over his head. "Now watch."
Theo felt his brows rise all the way up his forehead at the sight of the blonde huffing out puffs of air to keep the feather floating over his head. He was all over the place – twisting, turning, jumping as he desperately tried to catch up with its movement. He could hear him start to laugh as he chased after the feather all over the room.
Theo felt the corners of his mouth lift; a strange feeling in his chest bubbling up all the way to his throat. Tiny chuckles gradually escaped through his nose, turning into full-fledged laughter at the sight of the Malfoy heir scrambling on the floor trying to keep the feather airborne.
They were both giggling out loud by the time Draco's feather finally fell to the ground.
Theo wiped the moisture off his eyes, surprised to see that he was crying. He blinked at the droplet of water on his finger, suddenly confused. He wasn't hurt, and he wasn't being scolded… So why was he crying? And… why didn't it feel bad?
He turned his gaze towards Draco's position on the floor, watching him scrub the back of his hands through his eyes as well.
"That was so funny!"
Theo eyed the feather in his hand curiously. Playing with it… was funny?
"Now for the moment of truth!"
Theo watched Draco take the feather between his fingers, pushing himself up to stand as he grinned at him.
"The first one who lets it drop loses!"
(End of flashback)
Theo was five when he learned what the word 'funny' meant. He was five when he first realized that laughing too hard could make him cry.
He was five when he made his first friend.
Draco was the first person who's ever talked to him outside of greetings and pleasantries. He was the only one who didn't treat him like he was invisible – the only one who made him believe that he mattered.
He taught him what it was like to feel safe.
"Draco, I…" Theo felt his eyes prick at the thought of selfishly leaving him once again. "I'm sorry I left… I'm sorry I wasn't there during the war…" He fisted his hands against his lap, swallowing down the weight in his throat. "I'm sorry I-"
"What on earth are you apologizing for, Theo?" Draco eyed him oddly. "You had no business being on the battlefield. You were right to run." He saw how much the Nott heir struggled during Defense Against the Dark Arts. He never would have made it out alive as a death eater. "Why the hell are you sorry for surviving?"
Theo let out a bitter chuckle as he shook his head. "Won't even let me fucking apologize…" He muttered under his breath as he ran a hand through his face, swiping the back of his thumb against his eyes quickly.
"Theo, you're alive. What else matters?" Draco folded his arms on his chest. He really couldn't understand the guilt Theo kept harboring for avoiding the frontlines. His strength wasn't dueling, it was innovation. Had the dark lord known of Theo's true talents, he would have been recruited for espionage; no doubt about it.
Theo turned to look at his childhood best friend, sighing at him in exasperation.
"What?" Draco grumbled under his breath, annoyed by his scrutinizing gaze.
"You remind me of those muggle superhero movies, you know?" Theo lifted his gaze up to the ceiling as he tipped himself back against the couch. "When all hope is lost, just when everything is about to come to an end… Boom! The hero finally swoops in to save the day!"
Draco snorted at this. "I'm no hero, Theo."
"Who said anything about you being the hero? You're just townsperson A in this story." He grinned at the roll of Draco's eyes.
They fell into a comfortable silence as they stared into the flames, listening to the crackling sound of firewood.
"You know… You've saved me countless times, Draco. When no one else would." Theo fumbled with the stray thread at the end of his jumper's sleeve. "People would always look away and pretend they don't see anything, but you… You would waltz in, call my father out, and piss him the fuck off." He chuckled at this, turning to look back at his childhood best friend.
"It was the coolest thing ever."
Draco let out a sigh, annoyed by Theo's flawed view of him. Why was he looking at him like he was some kind of hero when everything he did, he did for selfish reasons? "You were way cooler, Theo." He shook his head. "You may not see it like I do, but the way you always refused to follow orders…"
He could never forget the defiant way the Nott heir stood up against his father. He always looked like he was just about to piss himself, but his eyes never failed to show an unshakable resolve. He wouldn't budge no matter how hard the Nott patriarch pushed.
"You were really cool."
Theo looked away, feeling awkward at the sudden praise. "You think so?" He heard a noncommittal hum from the blonde.
"You rock."
Theo turned his head back towards Draco, feeling his jaw drop at the sight of the three-finger rock-and-roll hand sign the blonde was raising towards him.
Draco grinned at the bewildered expression on Theo's face. "Did I do it right?" He eyed his hand to double check when he suddenly felt the wind knocked right out of his lungs.
Theo had him in a bone-crushing bear hug in the blink of an eye.
"Theo…" He nudged his trapped elbow against the other Slytherin's torso while his free hand pulled at the back of the Nott heir's jumper. "Can't fucking… Breathe…" He tried to move out of the hug but Theo wouldn't let him. He released a breath of relief when the hold on him finally loosened a bit. "Get off."
"Just let me have this, Draco." Theo closed his eyes, pressing his cheek against his best friend's arm, locking his hands together to hold on to him firmly.
Draco sighed, sagging his shoulders as he placed a hand on top of Theo's arm. He patted it awkwardly a few times, waiting for the other Slytherin to finally get over the moment; but as the seconds continued to tick, the Nott heir still showed no indication of moving.
"Theo."
"Hm?"
"Let go of me."
"Just a bit more."
"Now."
"Just five more seconds."
End of chapter 26!
"Great affection is often the cause of violent animosity. The quarrels of men often arise from too great a familiarity." ~ Sakya Pandita
Reviews keep me writing faster (that's an absolute LIE lol) but they would be very much appreciated :)
Four chapters to go!
#normalizeaffectionatemalefriendships