They left Sammy alone.

She was grateful because she realized she was more than a mess. She was losing touch with herself and all the work she'd done to be better, to be stronger. She didn't want to blame Lee for how she was feeling because she knew that wouldn't be fair, but she couldn't say he was guilt-free either. He had said all of those things, had stuck his hand into her chest and picked at her heart, and then showed up a world away from home to what? Try and make things better? Talk things through? Act like the tough guy and save the day?

She didn't need saving. She could handle the pressure. She knew from the situation with Biffo- what felt like ages ago- that she could hold her own in a tough spot, and that had been without any training or experience. So she knew she didn't need Lee to come to her rescue.

But from herself?

She rolled over in the cot and pressed a hand flat against the stinging wound on her arm. She wasn't so sure if she could be her own hero when the villain she was fighting was herself.

She felt ashamed. Broken. Stupid. She felt like everything she had worked to put together for herself was falling apart. The walls she built, the pedestal she placed herself upon, the crown of broken hope she wore atop her head; all of it was shattered. So she laid there in the dark and listened to the rustling of some boxes in the corners that she assumed was due to the rats and let her tears silently fall. She needed time to bandage herself back up. She never thought that Lee could be the trigger of so much pain, but then again, he had been her entire life at the worst time she had ever experienced. Of course those emotions would be attached to him, especially after everything that had happened at home before she left.

She really wished he had just stayed away. Life would have been so different if he had just stayed away.

—-

"Babysitting duty is up," Bones said, leaning in the doorway to the front room. Everyone looked up.

"They all awake?" Cap asked, brushing some frizzy curls from her forehead before undoing her hair tie just to fiddle with it again.

"Oh yeah," Bones shrugged, tossing a thumb over her shoulder. "And they're just thrilled to be our guests."

"They say anything?"

"The old one wants to talk to you."

"Old one," Captain said, raising a brow and dropping her hands to her hips.

"Barney. The Italian one, you know."

"Ah," Captain said, nodding. She rapped her knuckles on the table and Luna looked up at her.

"Yeah?" She asked.

"What do you know?"

"Just that Lee and Sammy were an item," she said, swallowing.

"Well, I'll figure it out," Cap sighed. "I'm not really in the mood for relationship drama. We have a job to do."

"Tell them that," Bones said. "Some of 'em aren't so bad."

"But?"

"Italian is bossy as hell. Lee seems grumpy, but that could be because he flew all the way here to play Romeo and Juliet and got his ass handed to him instead."

"Good to know," Cap grunted. She shouldered passed Bones and towards the back room where the men were being kept.

Luna watched Bones carefully. Bones looked back, confused.

"See something you like?" She asked, holding her arms out and twisting herself side to side.

"I'm thinking," Luna said, closing her eyes and shaking her head. "I just don't like it. We should kick them out and get the job done as planned."

"I get the feeling they don't take no for an answer," Bones said.

Luna hummed and stood from where she was sitting.

"This easy job just got a lot harder," she said.

"I agree," Maggie said, tucking her gun into the back of her pants and crossing her arms. "We're new to each other still. This might end badly."

"We won't let that happen," Angel said, furrowing her brows and looking over each of the women. "And they're here because they love Sammy, right? Then they won't let anything happen to her, either."

"Either way," Luna said, bracing herself against the table. "The job is more complicated. There's too many people now. Too much risk."

They all shared a look and turned to finish what they were doing. Bones looked to the surveillance images on the wall and sighed. The town was beautiful; peeled paint of vibrant colors, dense foliage brimming with life… She tacked up a few more images and hoped that Cap could rein in the trespassers whether they were friendly or not.

—-

"You're in charge," Barney said.

Cap closed the door behind her and leaned back against it, feet shoulder width apart and arms crossed tight over her chest. She looked down her freckled nose at them all one by one.

"Where's Sammy?"

Barney rolled his eyes and shot Lee a look. Lee didn't pay him any mind. He wanted to be untied so he could find her and talk to her and try to make things right.

Cap pressed her lips together and squinted. The other men were sharing glances and looking towards Barney and Lee who clearly didn't need words to communicate. They probably should've invested in some, though.

"Look, we're not here to cause a problem," Barney tried.

"Oh," Cap said, flinging her arms into the air with a sarcastic shrug. "Now that we cleared that up, let me just cut you all loose, give you back your guns, and send you on your way."

Barney tightened his jaw and frowned. Gunner chuckled. Caesar raised his brows.

"Listen," Cap said, jutting out a hip and folding her hands neatly over it, shaking loose a bit of frizz from around her face. "We have a job to do here. You've risked jeopardizing our mission. You put the lives of my team at risk, including-"

"Can somebody tell me where the hell-"

"Including Sammy."

Lee bit his bottom lip and scowled.

"Fine, what can we do?" Barney asked.

"Turn yourselves around and head back to whatever hole you crawled out of," Cap said. "And we'll know if you don't."

Barney grunted and rolled his head back.

"Look here, darling, we came here for-" Lee started.

"I'm not your darling," Cap said, squaring off with him. He looked up at her and tugged at his wrists, but he was bound tight. He frowned.

"I need to talk to Sammy."

"Why?" She asked.

"It's personal," Lee said, grinding his teeth.

"Then it could have waited," she said.

"No, it couldn't," he said.

"Then it's important enough to share with the class."

Barney couldn't help the chuckle that escaped him. He raised his eyebrows when Lee snapped his attention to him and the other guys shifted as they fought the urge to laugh. Eventually Lee dropped his head and sighed.

"I did something wrong. I need to make it right."

"Oh, morals," she sniped, waving a fly from her face. "Who would've thought that a bunch of guys like you could have those."

"Don't judge a book by it's cover," Lee said through gritted teeth, tugging at his binds.

"I'm not," Cap said. "I'm judging the book based on what I've been told by someone who read it a few times cover-to-cover."

"Can you just bring her in here and then we'll leave-" Lee tried. Cap held up her palm and he bit his tongue, irritated. She turned to Barney.

"My better judgement says we can trust you all with the work," she said, catching Barney's eye and holding his attention. "But my gut is telling me that you all getting involved here isn't doing us any favors."

"We can be at your disposal," Barney said begrudgingly.

"Therein lies the issue," she said, looking them over again. "I don't think my team will function very well with you all at their disposal."

"Well why not?" Lee snapped.

"Because we've formed quite the loyalty to each other already, as you can imagine," she said. "And they're professionals, all of them, except for Sammy. So now they're gonna have an eye-and-a-half turned to her when we need all eyes front and center."

"Just tell me where she is now," Lee said, fighting the binds again. "Tell me where she is and how she is and we can go."

Cap sighed. He was persistent, she'd give him that.

"She's resting," she said. "On my orders."

"Is she alright?" Barney asked, annoyed.

"Of course not. She had enough to prove without her baggage following her here."

Lee hung his head. He wished he had something sharp. Sammy knew all of his hiding places, though. He had nothing.

"And she doesn't want to see us?" Barney asked.

"Last I saw her, no, she didn't."

"Can you ask again?" Lee asked, not lifting his chin from his chest.

Cap huffed and grabbed the door handle. She slipped it open and glanced back once more at Barney. She pointed a finger towards him.

"I don't need to remind you that you're in hostile terrain. One wrong move and everyone here with you is-" she dragged her finger across her throat and quirked a brow. Barney didn't respond, so she slammed the door shut with a resounding bang.

Lee stomped down into the ground with a curse.

"You need to calm your shit, man," Caesar said.

"Maybe we should go," Yin said. "Sammy does not want to talk to Lee."

"Lee, man, I-" Toll tried.

"Everybody shut up," Barney grunted, rolling his wrists behind himself to relieve some of the pressure. "The ball is in their park now. Whatever they say, we gotta do."

"I don't like it," Gunner said, his lips curling over his teeth.

"You don't like anything," Barney snapped. "Lee, I'm sorry, but you're gonna have to wait."

"She's here, Barn," he said, straining, finally looking back up and meeting his eyes. "I need to see that she's okay."

"She's not, Lee," Toll said, leaning forward to get a better view of him. "She was clearly not okay when she left so what makes you think she'd be okay now?"

"He isn't wrong," Barney said.

Lee knew that Sammy not wanting anything to do with him was an option but he hadn't honestly been prepared for it. The sudden realization that it was happening hit him hard and he cursed, tears beading in his squinted eyes. He was miserable.

He knew he had treated her horribly. When she was leaving for basic, he didn't even show up to say goodbye. When she had announced- proudly, fearfully- that she was beginning this journey, he had flipped on her. He used her worst moments against her, and he'd done the same thing right before she left for this job. He was so damn afraid to lose what they had found in each other, but he realized he had lost it in spite of his efforts not to. He tried to imagine her on the other side of the wall and he wondered if she was crying. If she was talking to Riley. If she was pushing it all down and playing good soldier like he had so many times before.

"Lee?" Barney asked, and he realized that the room had gone quiet.

He pressed his teeth together and wrinkled his nose. He knew she wasn't okay and he just wanted to hold her. He wanted to be held by her. He wanted to smell her all around him and feel her skin against his. He wanted to trace his fingers over her tattoo, a monument to the sister she lost that he never knew.

He ached for her. His entire body yearned for her. Just to see her. Just to see her alive and breathing even if he couldn't hear her voice or touch her skin or hair.

"Christmas," Barney said, lowering his voice. "I'm sorry about this, brother."

"My fault," he mumbled, shaking his head. He sunk into the chair with a sigh.

"She might come around," Barney tried, glancing up at the rest of the guys. "She might just need a minute."

Lee grunted in response and kept his eyes trained on the floor in front of him. He was tired suddenly. Sad.

—-

Sammy changed into long sleeves and shorts and made her way back to the front room. The group was sitting around a table, heads together as they whispered and passed some papers around. She cleared her throat.

"Gogh," Captain said, twisting in her chair and looking her up and down. "Feeling good?"

"Better," she lied, leaning against the wall. "Did you, uh…"

"I talked to them," Cap said. She held her eyes and tried to gauge her response.

"They leaving?"

"If you want them to," Cap said. "We're waiting until tomorrow. We have to make sure they're little stunt didn't catch anybody's attention. They might be good, but they might not have had all the information. If there's any chance we've been made, it could end badly for everyone."

"They could help," Sammy said with a shrug. "Just- just to get it over with, you know? Then our first mission won't be completely ruined."

"It isn't your fault," Luna said quickly. Sammy looked to her.

"Like hell it isn't," she said.

"Sammy," Cap tried.

"No," she said. "They're here because of me. That makes it my problem. My fault."

"You don't control them," Bones added. "They seem like a hard-headed bunch."

"They are."

"Then there you go. Not your fault," she said.

Sammy sighed and looked down to her feet. Knowing Lee was a few feet away was giving her anxiety. She wanted to go to him but didn't feel up to confronting him. The little bit of sleep she had managed to get had been full of dreams and visions of Riley. She was feeling properly drained.

"If we can use the extra hands after tomorrow, we'll talk to them about it," Cap said.

Sammy nodded. She shoved her hands down into her pockets and drew in a breath. She could almost sense Lee all around her.

"Do you want to talk to them?" Maggie asked. Sammy looked up, startled.

"I-" she tried, but she hesitated. "I don't know."

"We can go in," Cap said. "You can hang back. If you feel like you need to leave, then you can go."

"Is he awake?" She asked.

"Yeah," Bones said. "Been asking for you."

Sammy bit her lip. She was strong enough for this. She could do it.

"Alright," she said.

"We'll tell them our plan," Cap said, standing from the table. "Maggie, stay here and keep an eye on things. Luna, you can hang back with Sammy. Me, Bones, and Angel will take point. Ready?"

Sammy nodded. Luna gave her arm a squeeze and they followed as Cap lead the way to the back room.

She opened the door and looked over the scene in front of her. They were sitting lazily in their chairs, staring forward at the door like a bunch of angry, lost, old dogs. Gunner flipped some hair from his face and frowned.

"To what do we owe the pleasure?" Barney huffed, glancing sidelong at Lee, who was still looking down at his feet.

"We've decided to fill you in on what's happening," Cap said, Bones and Angel taking their spots at either of her sides. Luna and Sammy slid in behind them and Barney stiffened as he saw her. Gunner shared a look with Yang and Toll.

"Which would be?" Barney asked, looking over to Lee again.

"We're running recon tomorrow to see if you showing up here turned any heads. Sammy has assured us that we can still finish the mission even if you did, if you'd all be so kind as to lend a hand."

Lee looked up at the mention of Sammy and caught her standing behind Cap and Bones. He pulled absently at the ties around his wrist and caught her eye. His chest felt tight. Her eyes were soft and sad. He pulled at the ties again and clenched his jaw. She was right there, and suddenly he was back in New Orleans draped in that midnight cloak, nursing a few sore bruises and cracked ribs, watching her with the intensity usually reserved for something new, something electrifying. Her skin and the way the moonlight kissed it, the glistening veil of humidity on sparsely freckled cheeks, tinted red from the flowing blood just under the surface. Blood that carried life through her body, each little cell working to bring her another second further in time, another step towards forever or maybe towards the end. Little pieces of her that fought to keep her alive and keep her there on her porch under the moth-strewn light bulb while she looked back at him. It was like a halo over her head, that broken door behind her like her wings. What was an an angel doing in an almost-suburb of New Orleans living next door to a gun-for-hire and working the graveyard shift at that shit bar? And her hair, the velvety way the light skipped across it, dancing with the frizz and the wind as it blew through it. He wished he could be the wind just so he could touch her, breath against her, send those shudders down her spine. Nature was reaching out to stroke her, a gentle touch, taunting him because he couldn't. He couldn't, because he was not in New Orleans in front of her house in the middle of the night. He was tied up in the jungle.

"Yeah, we can help," Barney said, his voice like a chain around Lee's neck yanking him back to the present. He kept his eyes on Sammy and he wanted to speak, he really did, but his mouth ran dry. His lips parted desperately, urging him to come up with something, anything, but he couldn't.

"We'll let you know more tomorrow," Cap said. "And you'd be working for me. This won't be a partnership."

Barney pressed his lips together and knew that he was not in any place to argue. He knew that he'd taken their mission into account and he was fairly certain they flew in covertly enough, but then again, he didn't expect for the female mercenaries to disable them so severely and so fast. He remembered what Tool had said not so long ago: never underestimate a woman.

Captain glanced back at Sammy. She was looking towards Lee, her lips pressed tight and jaw locked. Her eyes were severe, calculating, lost in some memory or words. She remembered the way he had pulled away from her when she announced her plan to go to basic training. She remembered the way he had kissed her in her living room after she opened up all those boxes from Riley and realized that she was seeing death the way somebody meant to live would see it. Even though she had tried to take her own life, had tried to carve it out of herself like something poisonous for so many years, she was meant to live. She remembered the way he held her that night after the storm, the way he insisted that she would be alright. She would be okay because she had to be; she didn't have a choice. Life was good at throwing curve balls and she just had to learn how to swing. She would be alright.

She remembered walking out of her house the morning after their first big fight to see him knocked out in her rocking chair, head tilted at an awkward angle towards his shoulder. He didn't give up. He didn't turn away.

He was watching her now like he always did, like she was a vision of Venus and he was Mars feeding off of her spirit to soothe the war that flowed within him. She wanted to reach out and quell those tides, to curl her fingers into his shirt and guide him back down to earth. But she didn't. She watched him pull at the ties behind his back and she didn't move.

Both groups watched them both. They shared uncertain glances, neither knowing what to expect for their next move.

Sammy tugged at her sleeves and Lee's eyes twitched down to her hands, her fingers folded over her palm, wedging the fabric against her skin. He glanced back up at her eyes, and then down to her hands again. He pulled at the ties harder.

She saw him looking. She didn't need to think too hard to know what was going through his mind. He knew her like an artist might know their work, like an author might know their story. Inside and out, with the certainty of a lover. She knew that he knew, and so she watched him, the struggle evident on his face. The ache within her only grew but the pain was there, too. The pain of his words, of the actions he couldn't take back that were forged now in stone forever, of her sisters name sliding from his tongue in spite.

You aren't Riley.

She wanted to bite back. She wanted to say things that she knew weren't true just for the sake of anger and for saying them. But she didn't. She didn't tell him that he wasn't the love of her life because he was. She didn't tell him that he was no better than Biffo because it wasn't true, he was the sum of all of his parts, and his parts were good. Mostly.

Finally, he found his voice.

"Sammy," he said.

She stiffened and her heart stilled. The love that flamed hot in her veins ran cold at his voice and she swallowed over the icy hurt. He saw it flash in her eyes and he stopped fighting the ties. They watched each other, and that tight rope that Sammy was perpetually balancing on vibrated and swayed. They stood on the edge of oblivion, seven feet apart.

The edge of oblivion was her home.

Lee Christmas was her home.

The two were tied together.

He was trying to think of something to say to keep her from jumping and falling away from him forever, but the sound of roaring engines drawing nearer caught his attention, made his heart skip with fear. Maybe he never had to be afraid of her jumping from the tightrope. Maybe he only ever needed to be afraid of her slipping and falling away.

But he didn't have much time to think about it, because within the same breath Maggie was screaming out for Captain and Gunner and Yang were lurching from their chairs, hands tied tight in front of them.

Sammy was gone. She ran out of the room. Lee couldn't help the sinking feeling that filled him; she was headed towards the sound and he was tied to a chair unable to move. He fought and pulled at the ties, the veins in his neck bulging, the chair bouncing beneath him.

"Sammy!" He tried, pulling his wrists apart with all his might. "Goddammit, let us out! Sammy!"

—-

When Riley died, she knew that it would tear her sister into little pieces. Maybe the pieces would be so fine that only somebody who really knew where to look for them would be able to put her back together. Riley wasn't dumb; she knew that Sammy wouldn't put herself back together. She'd claw and scratch at life itself and bend the binds of breath to try and make sense of it all. She considered this, and at the end of the day, she knew she couldn't stop Sammy from killing herself anymore than she could stop herself from dying. She knew a lot more about life and death than any teenager ought to know. She was born on the tail-end of her grandmothers life, and one of her first experiences, though she couldn't remember it, had been death. She watched her sister rot and wither away for years and years and years under the stress of a family tree she couldn't find her own roots in. She watched Sammy love her even though she couldn't love herself, and she knew that it wasn't bravery that let her do that, it was the life pounding on inside of her like the beat of a deep drum.

When Riley died, she was tired. She thought about her childhood, which in all honesty wasn't even over yet. She thought about the mud pies, the scraped knees, the nights curled up in her big sisters bed because yeah, maybe mommy and daddy were down the hall, but Sammy was her protector, her sword and shield. She thought about when she had been diagnosed and when she learned what the word prognosis meant. The predicted course of a disease or diagnosis.

It's hard to say, but we can try chemo and radiation. There's some more experimental treatments…

When Riley died, she didn't even care that she was dying. She cared that her death had taken so long, like a glacier slipping across land and melting into an ocean that would eventually freeze over and damn the ground beneath it to a watery grave. She cared that her mother was there, and that her father was there, but she didn't care for their tears or silent prayers. She didn't care to stick around or hold on for them. She was tired.

Maybe she would get to live forever in some flowery field frolicking around until Sammy came to join her, or maybe there would be a whole lot of nothing. She couldn't find it in her to care which it would be. Her body, which had been built to get her through life, was killing itself. And it wasn't that she wanted to die, but she figured that not wanting to live was maybe making it all the more easy for her body to let go.

When Riley died, she knew that her sister would run into danger and destruction and despair. It was just how Sammy was for as long as she had known her, and that had been a long time. Her entire life!

Her lips were chapped and split and painful and her breaths came in struggled wheezes. Sammy would be okay. Sammy would survive this loss. She'd see the other side of it and maybe it would be good, maybe it would be right. She really hoped that Sammy would find life on the other side of it, though.

Then again, Riley knew that Sammy would do whatever it was that Sammy wanted. She had a strange feeling about it all, as though she were watching the second hand of a clock tick until suddenly it stopped.

She hoped her letter would help. She hoped her boxes would help. She hoped that her father would get them to her without much fuss. She hoped that Sammy would find love and realize that there were much worse things to die from than heartbreak.

When Riley died, she closed her eyes, let out her last breath, and sank into sleep.

As far as death goes, Riley's wasn't bad. It was easy. Simple.

But it couldn't be that way for everyone.