Chapter 26 - Qualifications

August, 1985

"Sorry about this." Mariella digs through her pocket for her keys. "It'll just be a minute and then we will go back to HQ."

"It's fine." Sephiroth isn't paying attention as he stares at the house in front of them. It's a small two story house tucked between two others that look exactly like it. If he was walking down the street, it would be unremarkable. Instead he's drinking in all the details: the blue curtains closed to his right, a beige wall on the second floor, the molding around the front door and even a pot of flowers blooming next to him

"I didn't know you gardened."

Mariella glances at them. "They aren't mine. I never got that skill."

Sephiroth nods and swings the plastic bag in his hand. Ten new tops and three pants rustle inside. Since the first year of his schooling ended, his schedule changed. Summertime comprises of general infantry training during the day, Dinand's exercises at night and Orlin on Saturdays. Only on weekends and these special evening trips does he relax at all.

With school starting again in a few weeks, Mariella had insisted on new clothes so she took him shopping. He had been looking forward to this for weeks.

"The files I need are upstairs, just stay right inside the door. And not a peep. No matter what. Okay?" If she wanted an answer, she didn't wait for one. Instead, she turns around, takes a breath and puts the key in the lock.

Sephiroth is overwhelmed by what he finds. In contrast to R&D, this place is packed. Mariella tosses her keys in a bowl on a table. Colored art hangs on the walls. Ahead of them, a living room with bookshelves and two couches are arranged around a rug. It all looks so warm.

"Mariella?" A new voice asks from somewhere around the corner.

Mariella freezes and looks at him. A finger goes to her lips. Sephiroth leans against the front door, putting his hands behind him. Everything falls into place. His heart beats in his ears.

"Yeah, it's me. I'm not here though, just picking something up," She says to the floor as she slips off her shoes. A pair of heels sit next to where Mariella tosses hers.

"Okay. Fine. I've had a hell of a day and I needed you to kiss it all away half an hour ago."

Mariella's face reddens. Sephiroth can't help the grin. She doesn't look at him. Instead, she disappears around the corner.

Sephiroth can hear something boiling and a spoon scrapes against metal. "Smith thinks it's a great idea that we should work on four reports at the same time. It's too much. I took over sixty phone calls today. Sixty. I counted because I was so stresse- No, no, no, come here -Listen. The office is batshit crazy. Overachieving bastard. Almost as bad as yo-."

The voice cuts off. A moan comes out of the new voice and Sephiroth's hand comes over his mouth to stop the laugh. He shouldn't be here. Over half a year has passed since Mariella started mentioning Thea but she barely talks about anything. She doesn't seem to want to. Now here he is.

He takes a careful step forward. His mind soaks in everything. More of the living room comes into view. Landscape paintings decorate the walls. Magazines make a mountain on one of the seats. A quilt hangs over the back of a chair.

"I can't stay. People are waiting on me." Mariella's voice is tinny.

A new sound comes into the mix, a snort and a rapid scrabbling against a tile. Sephiroth strains to hear snuffs against fabric.

Mariella hums. "Decided to wake up, buddy? Long day? Did Thea take you for a walk?"

"He pooped three times. We still aren't talking to each other," Thea says.

That gets another approving noise. The dog barks and paws scrabble against the floor.

"Charlie, come back here," Mariella shouts.

Sephiroth freezes. The dog runs his way. He takes a step backwards and then another. The dog will be here in seconds. As much as Sephiroth wants to be here, Mariella doesn't want him here. This was a last resort and he heard the pain in her voice when she took the call from R&D that they needed her again.

So he backpedals. The front door handle leaps into his hand and he slips back out into the cold.

He hears the dog snuff against the wood as the lock clicks.

A whine leaks out from behind the wood.

His fingers stay on the door and he blinks at what he's done. He shakes as he takes a deep breath. He's out of the house, out of every opportunity to understand Mariella better. He swallows. His feet scuff against the wood floor. He doesn't matter that much, he reminds himself. She told him to stay quiet. She told him to hide himself. She told him to not be seen.

The dog still works against the door, blowing air under the crack.

He turns around. The air is cold on his face as he takes a seat on the porch step. The wood is bites into his legs. He doesn't know what to do with his hands. She'll be a few minutes. Even then, he crosses his arms on his lap and leans against them, putting his head down. He listens as the dog pads away. A car rolls down the street. It's getting late. He hopes no one would ask him why he is here.

The door opens behind him.

"Well, would you look at that."

Sephiroth turns to see Thea standing in the doorway. A smile flickers across her face and dies as they make eye contact. Her body curves as she leans down. Her eyes turn to something less warm as she stares into his weird eyes. He stills, tense. He drops his vision down to her socks. They are gray. He shrinks.

Mariella appears behind her. Concern covers both of them. He doesn't move from the step. He wants to run away but it isn't possible. A yellow dog pushes between them. He doesn't stop to greet Sephiroth. His big head immediately presses deep into Sephiroth's chest and the animal sneezes. Sephiroth weaves his hands through the fur. For a moment, he forgets the awkward situation he is in and something unclenches deep in him.

The dog wags his tail. Sephiroth's fingers dig underneath his collar. The dog's head digs deep into his chest. How is this familiar to him? He's barely met a dog before this. It feels so good to see him. He presses his head against the top of the dog's, breathing in the animal smell. He's hugging the dog, he realizes, and it fills him.

"Are you Sephiroth ?" Thea asks, almost like an interrogation. When he glances up, the smile he didn't know that was on his face fades. The warmth that he's seen in all the pictures of Thea is gone. She's shocked. He's too weird. Somehow he will ruin things between them.

This is like the first year of school only worse. He knows that he is strange and wrong. The dog pushes forward, jostling him but he ignores him now.

She blinks. Sephiroth nods. She still says nothing. She's waiting for him to verbally confirm it.

"Yes." He pushes up then, feeling like he is all arms and legs and when she says nothing in response he adds, "ma'am."

That breaks through her surprise and she laughs. "I'm so sorry. I wasn't expecting you to be so young . I'm Thea, Mariella's girlfriend."

She leaves the doorway and offers her hand to him, short black hair falling over her face. "I've wanted to meet you for a while now. Why don't you come on in?"

He glances back at Mariella. She hovers in the doorway, watching them. Will she allow him inside? It isn't his decision to make. She can tell them both that they have to go and then usher him back to Shinra without another word of explanation. Thea's head tilts. He tries not to bite the inside of his mouth. His face needs to stay quiet.

Then Thea's hand grasps his arm and pulls him up before he can jerk back. "It's chilly out here. Come on in."

He finds himself on Mariella's couch with a glass of water, a dog on his lap and no idea what to do. He's come a long way in social interactions but this is a situation that he has never encountered. If Thea notices, she smooths it over as she forces them both to stay and converse. Mariella has her folders but has been stationed next to Thea. The arm wrapped around her shoulder pins her to the couch. Mariella keeps looking at the dog, Charlie, and Sephiroth. Her eyes haze over.

When she comes back, sadness stays on her face.

He is frankly not sure what they talk about. He answers the questions asked of him but that isn't what he's paying attention to. He can't help but see the way that the two women interact with each other. Thea melts Mariella's focus. It takes a while but her death grip on the papers eases and she leans back on the couch. Some of the grief that haunts her eyes disappears. Hardness leaves her eyes. She almost looks younger. It stings but he tries to let it go and smile.

Thea herself laughs more than the rest of them. She explains how she housesits for Charlie when Mariella works late. As soon as her lease is up, the plan is to move in because Mariella always works late.

"Did you know that before me, Mariella had never been to the ocean?" Thea asks.

That catches Mariella's attention. "Oh no. Please don't tell him-"

"Her first reaction to seeing it was 'how could so much water exist?'"

Sephiroth holds back the giggle in him but he still shakes. Mariella sputters as Thea laughs openly at her. Unlike at work, she doesn't scowl it away or try to stop it. She shakes her head and buries her head in her hands. The hand on her shoulder squeezes.

"You didn't have to share that."

"Well, I find it cute."

"I find it embarrassing."

Thea sends Sephiroth a look and stands. "We're working on being a balanced human being. You want coffee before you go, Mariella? Late late night right?"

"Make it strong, please." Mariella's fingers draw a long line down the departing arm and Sephiroth's mind stammers.

"I should be paid by Shinra at this point." He hears her say as she moves back to the kitchen.

Mariella's odd smile fades as she looks back at Sephiroth. "No word of this to Orlin, you understand?"

Eventually, they end up back on the porch. R&D called asking for an ETA and Mariella gave one that left no more room for conversation.

Sephiroth walks out onto the porch and realizes that Thea is holding back Mariella.

"I've got to have a moment with her. It was nice to meet you." She winks and the door closes.

He suspects if he was normal, he would not be able to hear the whispers that came from the other side.

"You've been doing that thing."

"Thing?"

"The thing where you are being modest about something you really like. I see why."

"Oh hush."

"But he's so young and he is training for SOLDIER ?"

"I know." Sephiroth blinks at the regret he hears in Mariella's voice.

"We'll talk more later."

The door opens again and Mariella gives him a tired smile. He nods and they head back out into the night. The emotion in Mariella's voice haunts his mind all the way back to HQ. What would she be so sad about?

That weekend, he starts to have regrets of his own.

After the fifteenth box of books, Sephiroth's knees start to buckle. One flight of stairs isn't bad but the steps are tall and the u-shaped landing in the middle is too narrow. His weight goes on his heels as he climbs. That almost tips him backwards. He puffs against the cardboard side and lifts it higher. He is going to smell like a musty basement for the rest of the day. The last step onto the second floor is shaky but he wobbles forward. The box hits the ground hard next to the others.

Sephiroth decided that he couldn't spend his lunch money on books anymore. Mariella didn't need to say anything when she handed over his allowance. Amusement painted all over her face. Somehow she knew. Also, without the money, he was starting to go hungry at lunch. The impact of that has snowballed. Who knew that food and water could be so important? It should have taken thirty boxes to make Sephiroth huff, not fifteen.

After the allowance option disappeared, he sold back all the books that he had bought. It hurt but the stack disappeared. He could hear Orlin's voice in his head saying, "You've got an addiction, kid." That had kept him for a few weeks but the margin between the purchase price and the resale price was too high. That's when Ben, Rafi's dad and bookstore owner, offered that he could do some menial work Sundays. The payment is more books.

Perfect.

They've been at it for six months. The work continues to grow, not decrease, with his efforts.

Sephiroth leans over, trying to get the floor to come into focus. Sweat sticks his shirt to him. The floor doesn't clarify so he sinks to the ground and rests against the pile he has moved. The wet basement smell makes him sneeze. He's going to have to shower again.

Eyes make him look up.

Rafi sits at the reading table on the other side of the room. Homework is scattered around her. A pencil wobbles in her mouth. She's been neutral about him. He's seen her in passing and the few comments that slip between them are unmemorable. She blinks and presses her fingers against the page of a textbook and then comes back to him.

"What do you think about our education system?"

Sephiroth doesn't have his breath back so he waves around aimlessly.

"Right. School sucks," she says.

He stares up at her and puts his arms on his knees. "Not really."

His lungs still burn. Unusual. Dehydration is the problem. The weather is warm. Even Dinand has been bringing him water bottles to drink in class lately.

"No. This education system really sucks."

Rafi is the same age as him but unlike him, she acts like she is eleven. He shakes his head at her and concentrates on calming his heart. Her nails tap against the wooden surface. The second floor is organized around the big room. Little rooms surround the main space. It's claustrophobic and cozy at the same time. He's so used to it now that sometimes he has to remind himself of how special this place is.

He stretches his back. Breathing clears his head.

"You said you live at Shinra," Rafi says, "Why?"

The homework remains untouched. It has been for the last ten boxes.

"I'm training to be in the army." He swallows down the truth. SOLDIER is confidential. He doesn't understand why it would be controversial. Mariella insists that he not say anything to anyone outside R&D. Once the methods are safe, the program will be announced. This confuses him. Surely, they have always been safe if they are putting people through it now?

"Wow. The army." Her eyebrows raise and her voice curls upwards. The pencil waivers between her teeth.

"Yes." He shakes his head at the pride in him. It takes strength to be at Shinra. Dinand's constant yelling echoes in his ears. Orlin's insistence that yes, he can do better. He's not sure how to say this to her. The emotions don't translate into words. That's okay. He doesn't need her to understand. She isn't fighting in the upcoming war.

"Gotta ask, why white hair?" She points with the eraser.

Sephiroth's stomach clenches. Here it comes. The unnecessary teasing that he endures everyday at school. Part of him wonders what it'll be. Will she go the "old man" route or will she go the marginally more creative "ghost" way? His hands work each other and then he drops them.

"Yeah." He tries to start this conversation casually. "I got exposed to mako when I was younger. It changed my hair and my eyes."

It's better to get both out of the way.

She chews on the pencil and rakes through his appearance. He unknits the muscles in his neck and back and tries to match her look. Why does everyone feel entitled to know why he is different than everyone else? Why does this have to be public knowledge? Even removing the anxiety about Wutai sitting in his stomach like a rock, he doesn't like admitting something terrible has happened to him.

She cocks her head. Ideas and jokes roll over her face. He waits. His fingers itch to work over each other so instead he bites the inside of his lip. He wants to continue to work here so he will endure it. Rafi toys over the joke that will follow him around. He'll stand it and maybe it will stop hurting.

Rafi sighs and pulls the pencil out of her mouth. "Wow. Bummer."

It hits him like a bucket of cold water. It is a bummer . It's nothing more than that. He waits. She frowns. He breathes through his nose, trying to keep the room from feeling softer than it is.

Before he can come up with something to say in response, Ben comes from one of the reading rooms, a collapsed box under his arm. Sephiroth pushes up from the floor and stands straight. The room stays solid. Good. Maybe he needs to drink more water.

The bookstore owner smiles at him. "Rafi thinks everything is a bummer or sucks these days. Don't take it personally."

He's a lanky and one of the only people that can reach the top shelves. Sephiroth has neglected to mention that this might be detrimental for customers.

"I'm not wrong about any of it." She rolls back her head to look at him.

"You might change your mind."

"You suck too."

"Only sometimes."

"I'm allergic to bad jokes."

They laugh. Pain ripples across his chest at them enjoying each other. It is this kind of conversation that makes him rethink coming here. He's always the stranger separated by a glass wall. Memories of his birthday and even going to Mariella's house forces him to smile but it is a bitter one. Most of the time they have to be Shinra employees with him. Orlin shows him how to cast with materia. Mariella asks him about his body and checks his pulse.

They give him this close feeling but it never stays.

It's as fleeting as his memory of his past.

"I'm due back soon." Sephiroth takes a step away.

"See you next week." Rafi pokes at her homework and Ben hovers over her chair.

"Books are by the door. I tucked a few extra in there. I thought you might like the surprise." His grins always seem so real.

Sephiroth nods. "Thank you for your understanding."

"Yeah. Just don't get a library card any time soon."

He feels a weary smile come over him as he goes down the steps. His chin dips once he is out of sight. He has looked up the list of information needed to get a library card.

The list on the website is short but it had put his head in his hands. He'll never qualify. There are things in his life that are missing. The gaps can't be filled. Not even Mariella smiling at him or getting punched in the shoulder by Orlin are going to change the facts.

The list has burned into him how much he needs Shinra. Otherwise, what would he do in the real world? He had no city ID, proof of address, a home, parent, birth certificate, or even a last name.

He's just "Sephiroth".

HYDE (Medicsteinz) on Twitter has drawn both Mariella and Orlin. They took my breath away. Please take a look. I didn't think my own heart could be ripped out by my own characters but I was very wrong. Please give them a google and a look!

This chapter feels like a gift and punch in the gut all at once. Also Charlie is back! :) If it wasn't obvious enough, we're about to head back into the land of angst. Any guesses on what is about to go terribly wrong?

Thank you for reading as always. -Quin
Thanks to A for betaing this chapter. You can find their FFVII work on Twitter (AngealLovesYou)