Delphine
August 16th 2018
Delphine catches sight of Cosima outside before she hears her phone ring. The intercom system is already set up. Her condo is admittedly still sparsely furnished. A used table and chairs occupy the dining area, and her kitchen stuff is a third new and two-thirds sourced by Cosima from various thrift stores. But it makes sense, Delphine justifies, to not buy everything new at once. It is certainly more frugal. She can find what she needs as time goes on. Her couch is new, but IKEA bought. Not exactly what she'd had in mind. Her mattress is excellent, and the bed frame purchased new. Maybe that was enough for now. Linens. Dishes. Towels. Delphine looks around and wonders what she's missed.
"Hey you ready? Or should I come up?" Cosima's voice sounds from her phone speaker. It's past 2 pm and she's been waiting somewhat patiently.
"You're late. So I am ready." Delphine grabs her small suitcase and her soft-sided cooler, with food items for the trip and quickly locks up and heads to the parking lot to meet Cosima. Her girlfriend had taken care of the car, insisting that Delphine had enough new expenses with the condo. And really, she couldn't argue.
"Kind of always late. Always sorry." Cosima apologizes, and quickly takes the cooler. "Let's get going. We don't want to wait too late."
The car is a silvery grey, and Cosima seems pleased enough with it. Delphine surmises that the small size is good for city driving. It reminds her a little of cars in Europe and then she catches sight of the make.
Delphine grins as she slides into the small rental car. "Honda Fit?"
"Yup. That's what they had." Cosima shrugs. "But enough car for the two of us and good gas mileage."
"I'm surprised you didn't try to get a CRV." Delphine teases, expecting the same treatment in return.
Cosima smirks at her for only a moment. "It was more expensive." Cosima answers very honestly and Delphine finds herself flushing a little at the memory. But they were certainly too old to be having sex in a car. No matter how isolated they were.
Delphine thinks quickly to change the subject. "Are you excited?"
"Are you? Five days with me, alone… in middle of nowhere Ontario on the coast of Lake Huron." Cosima smiles. "It's supposed to be really nice. And we're close to the nice beach apparently."
"I look forward to it." Delphine sighs, yawning a little. She'd worked today and was a bit tired. But as the drive wasn't long, Cosima had urged her to drive up with her tonight. It wasn't as if it made a big difference.
They drive, the highway fairly busy and the air conditioner on full blast. Delphine endures Cosima's music, but smiles watching it clearly relax Cosima. Maybe there was something to be said for it after all. After 4 pm, they stop for dinner at a rest station. They eat mostly what they've packed, but get tea and chocolate chip muffins for the road.
"This muffin is disappointing." Delphine munches carefully as they head towards their rental cottage. It is mediocre at best, and the chocolate is nearly tasteless. But then again, it is food. Hopefully she and Cosima can do better than OK for their food on this trip. She was aware Cosima packed some things, and the rest they'll purchase nearby.
"Yeah Tim Hortons isn't that good. Scott said it was when he was a kid, but apparently they've cheaped out. Everything frozen and baked on site now. Instead of fresh. I tried a doughnut once, totally gross. Never again." Cosima shrugs and takes a lengthy swig of chai tea. "The tea is decent though… I guess."
"Is that a Canadianism?"
"Calling it Timmie Hos is apparently a Canadianism." Cosima looks over at her mischievously. "I've heard it."
"What?" Delphine giggles. "That… that cannot be a thing. It's…" She shakes her head, surely Cosima must be joking.
"I'm serious. I've heard it. Then again, maybe I'll just refuse to leave Canada. I mean, I am getting pretty damn comfortable here.."
"You're on a student visa." Delphine points out. "You will have to leave when you graduate."
"Or… I could apply for permanent residency. I like Toronto. I could totally settle here." Cosima offers. "You're on a work visa?"
"For now." Delphine nods. That had been a part of the job. She hadn't thought much further down the road. Permanent residency was likely attainable, but would take a while. She knew when she came here, that she was here for the long haul in all likelihood, her research would take years.
"You're undecided." Cosima surmises misreading her silence.
"Undecided about what?"
"Staying in Canada."
"Cosima… I am committing to longitudinal research and bought a condo… I am staying at least a decade." Delphine throws out impatiently. She supposes she should apply for permanent residency when she can, simply to make residing here easier. But she will get around to it. A decade in Canada, and then what? She supposes it depends on where the work is. The US? Back to Europe? Does it matter?
"Right." Cosima glances over again, the highway still stretching out in front of them. "How are things with your family?"
Delphine sighs. "A little strained. Maybe a bit better. My parents aren't really talking about us anymore. Or sexuality. They're just… not acknowledging for the time being." And that, Delphine thinks, is an improvement. It feels better than them asking why this had happened again or what about Cosima turns her gay.
"Maybe progress. Some people…. some just need time. They may come around." Cosima sounds convinced, reassuring and Delphine doesn't know whether or not it's the truth.
"My 86 year old grandmother is… less uptight than my mother is." Delphine groans remembering her last family conversation on the subject. Her grandmother had been surprised but ultimately opted to shrug it off, maybe her lack of deep attachments to her boyfriends had made Mémé suspicious. Or maybe, Mémé really just didn't care very much. Maybe once one had gotten that old they simply do not care about such things?
Cosima quickly glances over, eyebrows raised. "You talked to your Mémé?"
"Yes." Delphine shrugs. "The news was spreading fast, so I had to make the time to speak to my grandparents."
"Uhh how many of your grandparents are still living?" Cosima asks. "I mean, you… I am actually surprised your Mémé is still living. You… you hadn't mentioned her much this time."
"Three." Delphine responds. "My paternal grandfather died six years ago, lung cancer unsurprisingly. He was the heaviest smoker of the four." Her grand-maman isn't well, neither is her pépé but this isn't the time to tell Cosima that. Whether she has to fly back to France for a funeral or not before the end of the year isn't something she wants to discuss on this trip.
"Right. So the rest are…?"
"Still smoking. I think." Delphine laughs. "Most of them anyway. Mémé too." At least they were when she last checked. Maybe she should ask again, things change, even in a matter of months.
"Figures. Old French people." Cosima shakes her heard.
"Old French people." Delphine echoes. It's not an entirely false stereotype after all. There are many smokers in France.
"Do you still smoke, ever?" Cosima's tone remains curious, non judgemental.
"Non. I stopped years ago." Delphine responds honestly. "I didn't want to be a smoker anymore. And I certainly didn't want to end up with lung cancer." Watching Grand-papa meet his unfortunate end had been part of the deterrent. Even her mother had tried to quit after that. But where Delphine had succeeded, her maman had lapsed.
"Is that why you won't smoke pot with me?" Cosima looks around and Google navigation interrupts.
"Cosima… This is our exit."
"Right...right.." Cosima quickly takes the exit and they follow the directions until the road turns to gravel and they find cottages spread out along Lake Huron in the woods. Even in early evening, it is picturesque. Perfect.
They drive quickly to the cottage, locate the lockbox and free the key with the given code. Cosima is unlocking the door. It was painted blue with a stained glass window at the top. A semi-circle of colour. The house is siding, light blue mostly, with a grey roof. There's not much too it, a small house in the middle of nowhere Ontario. She
"Wow." Delphine looks at the small house. She can tell, even in the dark, that it is close to the water. She wonders what the cottage will look like in daylight, but instead of talking they go through the motions of unloading the car and carrying in their luggage and some food items. The living room is dominated by a large brick fireplace, the kitchen is modern, white cupboards and stainless steel appliances. And clearly IKEA. She recognizes it from her three post-closing IKEA trips with Cosima. She smiles at the thought, but it will do well enough for a vacation spot.
"Bedroom is upstairs, king sized bed and a skylight." Cosima teases happily.
"I'm a little tired." Delphine admits. But maybe, maybe she'd rally in the morning and they'd make love then. Or maybe she could be convinced.
"So… do you want some pot?" Cosima asks. "We could like sit out on the deck, just chill for a bit if you're not too tired."
"Non. When I smoke pot it makes me want cigarettes." Delphine grumbles. She hadn't wanted to admit that, that years after the fact she was still prone to occasional cravings.
"OK. Totally fair. Is it OK if I…?" Cosima looks at her hopefully shaking a small bag of weed from her purse.
"Go ahead. I'll get things sorted." Delphine quickly unpacks the cooler and Cosima's box of food stuff. It's not enough for the whole trip, but there are clearly some items that were easier to get in Toronto.
When she's done she goes out to join Cosima. Smoke still billowing from her lips, Cosima stops and stubs the joint out on the ashtray. It's black, and clearly put out here for guests. She recalls the listing strictly prohibits smoking indoors, and dogs. For the best, Delphine thinks.
"It is OK if you smoke in front of me. As long as I don't do it… I don't want it." Delphine assures her.
"Good to know." Cosima smiles. "But… I mean, I don't want to get too stoned. There are other things I want to do."
"Like what?" Delphine tosses at her casually. She's tired from the drive, and more than a little sweaty, but she is inclined to indulge Cosima.
"Like, there's a huge soaker tub I want to get into with you."
"Oh?"
"Let's like… take a bath… and go to bed." Cosima suggests. "I know you're tired too."
"Sounds good." Delphine agrees, they return to the cottage by the screen door and close it. The bathroom, like the kitchen, is modern and redone. All cool ceramic tile, and light grey paint. The soaker tub is large, clearly meant for two people. A small shower stall is also in the bathroom, Delphine absently wonders if the owners knocked out a bedroom to expand the bathroom.
Cosima begins filling the tub, and Delphine strips off her clothes. Maybe sleep is all she really wants anyway. But she eyes Cosima, wondering what the brunette has up her sleeve.
"How are you feeling about us, really?" Cosima asks when she's eased her body into the warm water, Delphine follows, and is unsure what Cosima wants her to do. Does Cosima want to make love in the bath? Or does she just want to relax?
"Good. Better… I think." Delphine nods, and giggles when Cosima pulls her in, but her kisses are gentle. Not demanding, her lips soothe against her own softly.
"I wondered… like, over the last two weeks, I have seen you aggressively assert to multiple strangers that we are a couple." Cosima's tone is curious, but there's a mirth in her expression. Something that makes Delphine want to smile.
"I don't want people misreading us." Delphine shrugs. She looks at Cosima, she doesn't want anyone misinterpreting the closeness between them. Not if she can help it. They are together, and should be recognized as such. Even if it gets uncomfortable.
"Strangers… Not the most important. Not that I am objecting your ' Non, we are dating. We are a couple. ' corrections." Cosima mocks her accent, and she rolls her eyes and tries not to laugh. It is ridiculous.
"I do not sound like that." It is, however, exactly what she resorts to saying when people assume girlfriend means friend. She doesn't want to deny Cosima. Not unless she has to.
"You totally do. But it's cute." Cosima kisses along her neck, seeming just a little more awake.
"I just… I want people to know we are a couple."
"I get it, totally." Cosima nods. "So we'll casually out ourselves to everyone we encounter on this vacation. You can just tell everyone we're lovers and I am a sex goddess who fucking flipped you." Cosima grins, mirth lighting up her face. She thinks she's hilarious, Delphine notes.
"Cosima!"
"What? We will." Cosima pauses before continuing. "I'll even put it in my AirBnB review for this luxury waterfront cottage."
"What will you write exactly?"
"Oh just that my lesbian lover and I enjoyed the bath, the king size bed and the fabulous view. Perfect walking location to the beach. Thanks for a great romantic getaway."
Delphine snorts. She wonders if she will let other people call her a lesbian, or just Cosima when she's joking. If being called bisexual would feel better, would feel more true. But what did it matter? When she'd told her parents she wasn't sure which she was, it hardly made a difference. When her mother had told her she was too old to be confused, she'd hung up on her. Which seemed to be provoking at least the show of civility. Though she's yet to tell her parents that when she returns to France to visit, she intends to bring Cosima with her.
"Delphine?" Cosima's voice summons her back from her thoughts. "Where did you go?"
"I was just… thinking over the last few weeks." Delphine explains quickly.
"Be here with me instead." Cosima demands softly, shifting in the water in front of her.
Cosima moves to kiss her then, softly at first, and then increasingly demanding. Delphine meets the kiss, pushing further, sliding her tongue into Cosima's hot perfect mouth. Cosima whimpers and it generates more arousal. Hers. Cosima's. She isn't sure where the line is anymore, between her own enjoyment and this sympathetic pleasure… or sympathetic arousal. Or was it all the same now anyway?
She is teasing against Cosima's breasts, Cosima's thighs, just against the hairs of her sex.. But goes no further. Whether from exhaustion or a desire to draw this all out, Delphine isn't even really sure.
"Bed?" Cosima manages to get out between kisses. She nods and they dry off and climb the stairs. When they hit the bed, she quickly spoons her body in close behind Cosima's, reaching a hand around to pleasure her. It's slow, Delphine acknowledges, but teasing Cosima seemed to yield the best results. She rocks her hips as she stimulates her with her now-practiced fingers, finding herself grinning madly into the back of Cosima's neck. Cosima begins to make noise in response, a pant mixed with a whine and it excites her further. She stops her smile, and focuses instead on licking and kissing at the sensitive skin of Cosima's neck. She knows what this does to her lover, and she intends to make this experience as enjoyable as possible, even through exhaustion.
"Delphine… Delphine…" Cosima moans as she works her. Her fingers sliding in Cosima's arousal, against swollen flesh. She stimulates her more directly after a few minutes of teasing and Cosima comes. Maybe the fastest she ever has.
Cosima cries out and then slowly relaxes against her. Heavy breathing is punctuated by only one word. "Wow."
"Wow…" Delphine echoes looking down at her lover, flushed and precious against her. It's enough, so very enough for now.. She can tell Cosima intends to return the favour, but she is sleepy and not even Cosima's mouth drifting down her body can stop her from beginning to fall asleep. Coisma gives up and lets out a small giggle.
"I'm sorry." Delphine apologizes. Maybe she should have slept in this morning. Or had more caffeine. She should have anticipated this need.
"Don't be, baby." Cosima assures her, pulling her back in to cuddle. "We'll just sleep. I just… I don't think we've ever skipped your turn before."
"I don't care." She assures Cosima sleepily. "I'm tired."
"It's just...different. Are you sure?" Cosima props herself up on one arm. "I mean… I could try to be fast if that's what you want?"
Delphine lets out a sigh that was supposed to be a laugh. "Just cuddle."
"OK." Cosima agrees, moving back in to press skin to skin with her. At least she's comfortable. And there's something suddenly intensely domestic, Delphine finds herself thinking, at least for the few moments before she falls asleep breathing in the scent of Cosima's skin.
She wakes in the morning to the sounds of what is clearly Cosima cheerily cooking her breakfast. She pushes herself up from the bed, and begins to make her way back downstairs. Delphine smiles when she reaches the foot of the stairs and can see her. Cosima, dreads pulled back into a bun, wearing a ridiculous floral apron that must have been left at the cottage… and nothing else.
"Hey… you actually slept in… like for a good 40 minutes past your usual."
"Old habits." Delphine giggles happily at the sight, anticipating their lazy morning. And it feels good. "So what is for breakfast?"
"Vegan pancakes." Cosima announces flipping one of her creations with a spatula.
"Are they… decent?" Delphine has trouble containing her suspicions of these pancakes. But she knows for Cosima, she will try.
"Delphine, they'll be good I promise." Cosima sighs. "Plus… lower our carbon footprint."
She had opted to let Cosima set most of the menu for their trip, it made sense for the person with the more restricted diet to have more say. And Cosima was a vegetarian. Though being this close to a lake and not consuming fish seemed silly.
"I'll try them." Delphine concedes.
"Good... Because I am almost done."
Delphine sets the table, the plates are white and all squares of varying sizes. Stylistically, she can see the appeal. Practically, the plates leave much to be desired.
"And here they are. Served with apple compote." Cosima indicates the small dish in front of her filled with about a half a cup of cooked apples. "And maple syrup." Cosima makes no effort to dress, or remove the apron.
Delphine tastes a small piece of pancake cautiously. It is better than she expected, so she smiles and keeps eating.
"So?"
"They're good." Delphine acknowledges. "Really good." She helps herself to extra apple compote with a tablespoon. The pancakes are fluffier than expected, and taste vaguely of apples themselves. It is a good combination.
"I know." Cosima smirks. "I tested out the recipe last weekend on a friend. I wanted it to be good enough for you."
"It is." Delphine leans in, giving Cosima a quick kiss. A beep sounds from Cosima's phone and it confuses her at first, but then Cosima jumps up and returns to the stove.
"OK. I'm going to like flip a few more of these and join you. Almost done I swear." Cosima assures her. "Because I have plans for our day."
"The beach?" Delphine glances behind her but sees only Cosima's exposed ass at the back of the apron and she tries desperately to contain a laugh. The juxtaposition of the floral apron and her lover's naked body a little much to take first thing in the morning.
"I think so. We need to get a bit more produce for the weekend, other than that we should be good. Overnight oats for breakfast tomorrow. Lunch is sandwiches and dinner… Pasta fresca… So groceries." Cosima shrugs, flipping her last three pancakes on a large square pan before turning to face Delphine again.
"So do you want to explore? Or do you want to go back to bed?" Cosima offers in a teasing tone, and she isn't sure how to answer.
"Either."
"Come on… you've got to have some kind of preference."
"Explore… before it gets too hot." Delphine finds parts of Canada far more humid than expected. Cottage country was supposed to be less so, and so far, that seemed true. Then again, could she really tell with the air conditioning?
"Fine… I'll go put on clothes then." Cosima teases.
"Probably best." Delphine quips at Cosima, even as she watches her go. She knows Cosima is trying to tempt her, swinging her hips more than necessary but she says nothing. They dress and explore the property, it is densely wooded in places, with stone steps leading down to a dock and a small rocky beach. For sand, Cosima had told her, they'd have to go to Sauble Beach, which wasn't far at all. And apparently worth the trip.
"Wow." Cosima looks out at the lake, the sunlight shining down on blue water. And even Delphine has to admit it is more picturesque than she expected. Cottaging had not been her first choice of vacation, a luxury resort would have appealed more… but maybe in the winter. When she's more eager for heat she and Cosima could find some kind of deal. Fly south for a week and laze around by a pool.
"It is beautiful." Delphine forces herself from her fantasy. She needs to be here now. Needs to be present with Cosima.
"So… we go get supplies and head back? I think I want to wait for the bigger beach until tomorrow. Plus if we get supplies for sandwiches and picnic stuff that's lunch for tomorrow."
"Sounds good." Delphine agrees. "Do you want to go now?" She pulls her sweater around herself, at least it's less humid here than Toronto.
"Not really." Cosima admits. "But we should get it over with."
"Alright." Delphine offers a hand to her lover, and guides her back up to the small cottage.
"Let's get this over with."
A quick drive to the nearest grocery store has them stocked for the rest of their stay. And no one seems to notice that there are a couple. Either that or people simply do not care for the most part. A comforting thought, Delphine thinks. That no one really notices if she holds Cosima's hand. Or calls her mon amour while looking at fruit or vegetables.
"OK. Now it's too hot." Cosima complains, packing away the produce in the full sized stainless steel fridge.
"It is getting humid." Delphine remarks. At least the evenings were supposed to be cool. They could sit out on the deck with glasses of wine, Delphine thinks. Cuddled under a blanket.
"Do you want to swim?" Cosima offers looking up. "We could swim before lunch. I can throw together a big salad."
"I think so." Delphine agrees. She quickly goes upstairs and looks through her small black suitcase after her bathing suit. She finds it easily. She strips without thinking and pulls the suit on. It's black, and simple. Maybe too simple, Delphine wonders when she turns to see Cosima in a patterned bikini bottom and a dark wine coloured top.
"You look great." Cosima grins at her.
"Not boring?"
"Nope. Very classic look." Cosima assures her. "Let's go."
Cosima runs off the dock and jumps in. And while it looks fun to watch Cosima jump, Delphine opts to wade in. The flat rock is slippery beneath her feet as she wades out to Cosima. She pauses several times, the water cold against her thighs, and then her body.
"Just dunk yourself. Get it over with." Cosima urges. And finally Delphine does, quickly submerging her body in cool water before surfacing.
"Told you." Cosima quips.
"Feels good."
"Yeah. But only once you're in."
They swim idly and Cosima begins to play with her. Grabbing at her limbs and pulling ot splashing. It's silly but she plays back.
Eventually they pull themselves up out of the water and settle on the deck. It's getting humid, Delphine thinks. But at least they have a plan for the day.
"What are you thinking about?"
"Madison asked about us." Delphine tells Cosima nonchalantly, swinging her legs from the dock. The water is cool to her skin, and makes a perfect counterpoint to the increasingly humid afternoon.
"What did she ask?"
"First if we were serious, and I told her I was very serious about you." Delphine smiles. It's true she is, more and more so as the weeks go on. Even if she has some concerns about future possibilities.
"And then?"
"The same thing her husband did… but politely." Delphine laughs a little. "I gave her an answer."
"You need more friends…" Cosima teases. And then continues. "So your answer was?"
"More orgasms." Delphine giggles madly, and Cosima splashes her with her foot.
"Well I don't have to ask what the question was. And here I thought this was some serious discussion of sexuality. Not that I get you off more than any man ever did." Cosima grins, and seems pleased with herself. They hadn't ever really discussed that directly but Cosima's assumptions were not wrong.
"No, there was no great discussion of sexuality. She's been with Chris since she was 19." Delphine shrugs. "She doesn't have as much experience as either of us."
"Wow…" Cosima sounds distinctly unimpressed.
"I don't think there's anything wrong with having very few lovers." Delphine tries arguing. She's had more than she wanted to have really, but fewer than Cosima. But surely there was no shame in existing on any end of that spectrum.
"There is when your lover is a douchebag who asks random lesbians what they call having sex because you don't have a penis." Cosima points out and there's no doubt she's speaking about Chris. But Delphine cannot get distracted talking about some asshole, she has other things to address before Cosima can make any unfortunate assumptions.
"It's still sex." Delphine tries to assure Cosima. "More than that, even. It is lovemaking , the most beautiful lovemaking. Nothing is missing. I..." She trails off, wondering if that it was Cosima needs to hear from her. If beneath it all, Cosima still needs reassurance.
"Delphine… I know you feel that way." Cosima smiles softly at her.
"Do you?"
"Yeah." Cosima climbs to her feet, picking up her sandals with her left hand and offering Delphine her right. Delphine quickly gets to her feet.
"Maybe I should show you again."
"Oooh so you want to take our sweaty bodies back inside the air-conditioned cottage?"
"Yes." Delphine nods, and she happily makes her way back to the cottage. When the door opens they're hit by a merciful wave of cool air.
"Ugh…" Cosima groans, and they shut the door firmly behind them. "I was thinking we'd go down to the public beach for a dinner picnic. Maybe walk to the lighthouse?"
"Yes. We can have a ...sieste." Delphine offers. "A siesta?" Surely that makes sense if the climate is getting like this.
"Haha… I am not sure there'll be much sleeping." Cosima teases, undressing on her way up the stairs. She throws her wet bathing suit onto the floor and Delphine grimaces and picks it up. Delphine stops at the bathroom and throws the bathing suits, Cosima's and her own, into the bathtub. She'll deal with them later.
"Delphine?"
"That is just fine." Delphine continues to the bedroom nude, and follows Cosima in. Cosima stretches and then bends over near one of the suitcases. Delphine briefly considers grabbing Cosima and tackling her down on the low king bed. But she waits, wondering what her lover has in mind.
"So how do you want to do this?" Cosima invites playfully rummaging in one of their bags. She pulls out the underwear harness and the by-now-familiar toy. She's ridden it, or let Cosima ride her, plenty of times. And yet, it still brings her a level of unease.
Delphine looks at it and sighs. "You're in that kind of mood?" Why Cosima wants to attach a fake blue phallus to her body is beyond her. It doesn't make sense to part of Delphine's brain, but whenever she'd cautiously ask Cosima just shrugs and quips ' for pleasure '.
"I can be. For sure." Cosima steps into the harness, the fabric catches slightly against her damp skin and Delphine watches Cosima pull it up, concealing body parts she happens to be increasingly fond of.
"You don't need it." Delphine doesn't really know how to articulate her growing mal-à-l'aise with Cosima's dildo fixation. It seemed more often than not, Cosima was pulling out a toy to use on her.
"But it feels good to you." Cosima shakes her head and continues threading the toy through.
"But… You feel good to me." Delphine tries lightly. Surely Cosima doesn't think she needs this to be satisfied. She doesn't and she thinks she's shown that.
"Yeah. I know. You come more with me. You said." Cosima is cheeky and it makes her frown slightly.
"Cosima…" Maybe she shouldn't have told her that. Maybe it would go to Cosima's head and make her full of herself. Or overconfident.
"Cheer up." Cosima lays herself back on the bed, before moving to sit propped up by the headboard. "So… do you want to kiss me or do you want to sit on my face?"
Delphine opts to let it go. She has an opportunity to make love with Cosima far from condos and thinner walls, and she won't waste that. She moves to kiss Cosima. She wants that much. Tries to express how much. Her hands caress skin, fondle breasts, she dips her head and sucks at one perfect nipple and then the other. Lays soft kisses down along Cosima's sternum, meaning to tease her. Delphine lets her hands grip and tease down Cosima's sides, stroking her belly, her thighs, she grazes over the harness. Trying to express how much she wants her.
"Why won't you touch it?" Cosima asks, when her hands have yet again chosen to avoid touching the dildo. "A dildo is nothing to be afraid of. But you… the only time I've seen you touch it is to help guide it inside you."
"You want me to touch it?" Delphine asks, feeling both annoyed and emboldened by Cosima's request. She lifts her head to meet Cosima's eyes.
"Umm yeah?"
"Is this… some kind of… fantasy thing for you? You want to think about …" Delphine trails off shaking her head.
"No. It's not that. But not touching it is weird. It is like you're afraid of it."
"It's weird." Delphine repeats. The whole thing is weird. It's not flesh and not anything worth touching for pleasure but, she looks directly in Cosima eyes and makes a decision.
"Delphine… like… it's just for pleasure. You can relax. I am not offended if you like it. We can get one that looks more realistic if you want… Like it's OK." Cosima's hand pushes damp tendrils of hair back from her face.
"I am not afraid." Delphine speaks, then lowers her head, she opens her mouth and closes her lips around the toy. It tastes like nothing, silicone, but she sucks anyway, putting on a quick show for Cosima who curses and stares down at her. It's nothing she hasn't done before, and surely this will prove she isn't afraid of a sex toy.
She releases the toy and pushes herself back "Is that what you want? You want me to pretend it's part of you? Do you want me to do things like this?"
"Umm if you want." Cosima is stunned, looking oddly aroused by this.
"Lay down on the bed." Delphine instructs, watching Cosima scoot down the bed. She clasps the strap-on in her hand and strokes it pointlessly. It feels silly, but she has a point to prove. She crawls over Cosima facing towards her feet. She knows Cosima can get a good look at her this way, and maybe encourage a change of activities.
She takes the toy into her mouth again and moans, showing off, but as she does she works her hands under the band of the underwear harness. It is snug, but she tugs it down off of Cosima's body.
"What… why?" Cosima is confused. "I thought we were doing some fun toy play…?"
"Take it off." Delphine instructs, and Cosima raises her hips and lets her get the harness down to her knees. She nuzzles at the thatch of trimmed hair, catching Cosima's scent, Cosima's arousal and that thrills her. She must get this contraption off immediately. Delphine decides.
No sooner than has she gotten the harness off one foot, Delphine returns to Cosima's sex. She licks happily at the arousal she finds there. Cosima's hands reach up for her hips.
"Arch your back more…" Cosima urges. "So I can reach you."
She does, and Cosima leans up and gives her a teasing lick, fluttering her tongue against her sensitive clit.
"Ooohh." Delphine moans despite herself. She shudders and tries to keep moving. Keep pleasing her Cosima. But Cosima's mouth is skilled, even at this angle. She closes her eyes, trying to focus on the feeling. It's near overwhelming, the taste of Cosima, the feel of Cosima's mouth against her. And she wants it, for as long as they can sustain it.
Delphine continues moving her mouth against Cosima's sex, hands gripping firmly at Cosima's ass. She can please her, though Cosima's tongue is distinctly intent on distraction. She moans, and sucks again, wanting to get her lover off first. She hovers over her, and moves eagerly. This… is delight. Surprisingly, she enjoys even this with Cosima.
"Shit…" Cosima's mouth breaks contact, and she groans slowly as she drops to the mattress. "So...good...fuck." Cosima squirms under her, against her and it is encouraging.
She feels Cosima come against her mouth, feels her shudder and the low keening emerging from the woman beneath her. Delphine slowly breaks contact, letting her wet mouth raise, she turns herself around to find Cosima looking similarly dishevelled, her face wet with her own arousal.
"Cosima…" Delphine coos softly, and lays a kiss against Cosima's mouth that tastes of both of them.
"Holy shit." Cosima giggles, eyes opening and looking softly up at her.
"Was that… good?"
"Uh… hell yes." Cosima breaks out into a wide smile. "That was amazing. Not my usual… but oh god… You surprised me!"
"I would rather have you in my mouth than silicone. I'd rather have you… anywhere." Delphine bumps their noses together. "I want you."
"Get the lube." Cosima quips, but her eyes remain mirthful instead of amorous.
"I can…" Delphine stands, pulling the small bottle from the side pocket of the bag. She slides back into bed and places the small bottle on the nightstand.
"Do you want me inside you? Deep?" Cosima asks.
"Yes." Delphine answers more confidently than ever before. She knows what Cosima is asking to do. Knows how it will feel. Knows that the … visceral level of connection gets to her, pleases her more than she thought possible. Toys, they could have their place occasionally. But there was something about their bodies together, just their bodies, that she kept craving.
"I love you." Cosima murmurs, kissing her again. Cosima's fingers go to enter her, and they stroke slowly, in and out, teasing her.
Delphine lets her tongue greet Cosima's, pulling her lover in. They are a mess, a wonderful mess and she will indulge her craving, her desire for Cosima again.
"I want to be with you." Delphine tells her, sighing out a moan as they continue.
"I know." Cosima breathes, kissing her again. "I know..."
September 19th 2018
Delphine sighs, and continues her work. She longs to start her own project but it's not time yet. January, Dr. Yamashita had told her. And she was preparing while analyizing data from the subjects.
"You busy? Working hard or hardly working?" Cosima's head pops in around the office door.
"I am not that busy. This can wait." Delphine waves a hand around her work station. And it can. She teaches tomorrow, and her office hours aren't until the afternoon.
"Good because we have a visitor I do not want to deal with solo." Cosima grimaces quickly, and helps her to her feet. Dr. Yamashita knows they're a couple now, as does Dr. Dan Hughes. And it hadn't effected her work much. Both of them had shrugged it off, and asked that they keep their relationship largely out of the office and lab, which they've done.
"Visitor?" Delphine peaks out to see the door open and an expensive looking stroller pushed into the lab.
The child's screams get to her first, and then she sees Madison's tired face. The child is loosely restrained in her car seat which seems a little dangerous. The child won't stop crying and Madison shushes her and pushes her back and forth in the stroller.
"Cosima, Dan, Delphine… meet Isla Grace Rowe-Mueller." Madison announces. "She's just a little fussy right now."
"But… she was born on the 6th… Are you alright?" Delphine runs the calculations in her head, this child is less than two weeks old. Her tiny fists crammed into her bawling mouth. She knew that the baby had been induced due to… some complication? Or something? And last she heard that Madison was resting with the baby at home. So why were they here?
"Dude… umm maybe you should pick up the baby?" Cosima suggests looking at the tiny face getting pinker and pinker.
"If I give in, she'll cry more." Madison points out. "Chris and I want her to learn to self-soothe. We have to start it now or she'll just expect us to pick her up all the time." Madison picks up a pink soother and tries to pop it back into the small mouth. The pacifier falls to the child's lap.
"Can I pick her up?" Delphine offers, swooping in to scoop up the baby. She doesn't have to loosen the harness to scoop up the child, which seems dangerous, but what does she know about child restraints? Delphine bounces the squalling newborn softly but the child continues to howl, mouthing frantically at her tiny fist. The child is clearly hungry, this is much more than a 'pause' before responding. Delphine looks curiously at Madison, surely she can recognize these signs. But she says nothing. Her former colleague looks exhausted and overwhelmed.
"Self-soothing is a crock. You know this. You study developmental psychology." Dan comments shaking his head. "She's a newborn. She's probably hungry. Just pick her up Madison."
"She just ate." Madison protests. "Like an hour ago. I fed her before we left the house."
"Newborns." Dan shrugs. "I've had three kids. Especially if you're nursing they feed a lot. My wife sat on the couch or bed with pillows while I brought her snacks and water a lot at first. Do you need water?"
Reluctantly Madison lets Dan guide her back to one of the chairs, and she moves to adjust her clothes to latch Isla. Dan goes to get her a glass of water and Madison seems stuck for now.
"How is this all going?" Cosima asks politely. Clearly trying to take an interest while averting her eyes from breasts that are clearly engorged with milk.
"I saw a lactation consultant two days ago. That helped a lot. She said to just feed her whenever she looks hungry." Madison admits, trying to calm her squalling baby enough to eat. Sure enough, the child was hungry and soon quiets, gulping milk.
"Babies are hard." Dan emphasizes to her. "My wife and I had three. Newborns are survival mode. Worry about 'bad behaviours' later. Just.. feed her, feed you… and get whatever sleep you can. "
"Right." Madison nods.
"So why are you out? I thought you were still recovering?"
"From the c-section? Yeah. I am." Madison agrees. "I didn't drive. I took transit. I am just desperate to be out of my house. Also really happy we do not have stairs. Stairs would be hell right now."
"C-section." Delphine thinks for a moment before coming up with the word. "Césarienne. Shouldn't you be … recovering at home?"
"I thought you were induced." Cosima looks over. "That's what Delphine told me."
"It didn't work. We induced two days after the due date. But… Isla really didn't want to come out. They said she'd be nine pounds but she was only six and a half. Ultrasounds are weird." Madison shrugs it off. "I don't know. I don't think my OB was very good. But at least it's over."
Delphine wonders if asking to sample bacteria from the child was out of the question, but decides against it. Madison had not volunteered for her study. And she shouldn't start going on about microbiomes and cesarean births, especially to a new mom recovering from one.
"Isla is very cute." Delphine tells her instead, admiring the small baby. "Félicitations."
"She is." Madison agrees, but her eyes seem very far away. Delphine thinks that Madison isn't really all here after all.
"So where's Chris?" Cosima asks.
"Oh he went back to work yesterday." Madison nods. "He took 14 days, but most of them were before Isla was born… and now it's me and this one for the next few months."
"You'll manage fine." Delphine tries to think of other kind things to say. They were… sort of friends?
"I'll be fine. As soon as I recover more." Madison acknowledges. "C-sections kind of suck. But I guess there are advantages too."
"Major surgery." Cosima quips unhelpfully. "Just… like recover completely before you come back to work. Like you need weeks to recover. Just… like relax.."
"Yeah." Madison looks at her baby and then around the room. "I think I might take longer and come back next year. Care for infants is so expensive , and I want to get her into the university daycare, we're on the waitlist and they said maybe they can take her next fall.. And then I'll just like bring her with me, drop her off and work. It'll work better that way."
Delphine listens politely and then asks to hold the cute sleepy baby. She looks at Isla, who she decides resembles her mother and she hopes next time she sees the mom and baby duo that they are doing better. She recommends pelvic floor physio, and explains that yes, even césarienne moms do it in France. And Madison seems encouraged by this, so she hopes the suggestion helps with the recovery at least.
"You should get home. I can drive you." Dan offers finally.
"I've never done a baseless install with the car seat." Madison winces. "Chris did it for the car… and I think it's wrong… I need to ask someone."
"We'll work it out." Dan tells her firmly. "Come on, I'll drive you home." Dan guides Madison and the baby from the lab and Delphine feels Cosima relax.
"I am so fucking happy to be a lesbian right now you have no idea." Cosima covers her face with her hands. "Also… Why does she put up with him? He's a douchebag!;
"She's in love with him." Delphine shrugs, knowing that such things are not easily explained away.
"Anyway. Lunch?" Cosima suggests. "I know a cute spot not far from campus that will help us keep to our keeping our romance out of the lab agreement?"
"Oui." Delphine agrees, she leans in and gives Cosima a quick kiss.
"I was super polite I think." Cosima stretches and leans into the kiss.
"You were. And no doubt they will visit again. Hopefully when Madison is more recovered." Delphine shakes her head at the thought of making her way here on transit not even two weeks after a césarienne. She doesn't want to imagine it. It sounds painful, and hopefully she will avoid that in her own future.
"Hopefully she takes Dan's advice." Cosima sighs. "I mean. He has three kids and studies developmental psychology. He's like an expert."
"When we have children," Delphine looks over at Cosima. "We will not be doing it like that. We will not let them scream like that."
Cosima's expression morphs next to her into something new, but there's a gleefulness to it.
"Dude… you said when we have children." Cosima teases, her pink tongue poking out from behind her teeth.
"I did." Delphine confirms. Surely that would happen eventually, if things kept going well. She loved Cosima, she wanted to be with her. They could work out the more challenging parts of that somehow. Other women did it, clearly. And it would have to be enough.
"I thought you said it would be so much harder with a woman? Like, we haven't even said a word about it since the baby shower." Cosima leans in.
"Conception would be harder, yes. It's a lot to wrap one's head around." Delphine decides. "I mean, we want to be together. We want to live together. And.. we could have everything." She echoes Cosima's own words back to her.
"Yeah. But… after that, then it would just be us." Cosima assures her.
"Yes." Delphine agrees. Having Cosima's baby may not be easily attainable, but they would work it out. Find a way to make it work for both of them Involving a third party concerned her a little, but they have time to work through it.
"Maybe it's time for another lesbian rom-com. Date night?" Cosima suggests.
"I thought we were going for lunch?"
"We are. I can think of a few lighthearted films I still have to show you." Cosima assures her. "And lunch will be awesome. Vegetarian platter at an Ethiopian restaurant. It's good. I don't know why I haven't taken you before."
Delphine wonders absently if those films feature women getting married or creating families togher before deciding it doesn't matter. "OK. Do you want to spend the night at my place?"
"The answer to that is almost always yes." Cosima tells her.
"I know."
It's enough, Delphine decides, walking hand in hand out into the warm September day outside. Anything with Cosima is more than enough for her.