Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, CBS, the Sullivan Company and to A&E.
A Path Through the Dark
Chapter 26
The snow lay in a sheet of perfect white over the landscape. The morning dawned clear, all trace of the nights previous clouds dissolved from the sky. Cloud Dancing stepped outside on the back porch and took deep breaths of the cold crisp air. The salt he spread the night before meant the steps were somewhat clear but he navigated them carefully worried about hidden ice patches. He could see Sully's footprints beyond the stairs as he looked over towards the sauna. Cloud Dancing followed them, stopping at the cold plunge pool to remove the cover.
Sully was just inside the door removing his robe and hanging it on the hook. When he turned and saw Cloud Dancing, he opened the door to him.
"Morning." His voice was still rough with sleep.
"Good morning," Cloud Dancing replied as he took off his robe and put it on the hook next to Sully's. With only towels wrapped around their waists, they entered the door of the sauna room and took seats on the wood.
At first, neither spoke. Sully leaned back and closed his eyes trying hard to clear his mind. Cloud Dancing completed a sauna then cold plunge everyday and swore by its benefits. This morning he'd asked Sully to join him which wasn't out of the ordinary but Sully suspected that he wanted to talk.
Cloud Dancing cleared his throat which made Sully open his eyes. "How are you?"
Sully took a deep breath. This wasn't a superficial question and Sully knew that Cloud Dancing expected more than a superficial answer. "Things are going okay. There's some really good stuff like Hannah and …. Michaela."
Cloud Dancing looked at him pensively, a smile playing around his lips. "You seem very happy." Sully smiled and nodded knowing Cloud Dancing was only starting. "What about the things that aren't going okay?"
Sully exhaled slowly. "I took your advice and went with Hannah to Loren's on Christmas morning."
"I take it that did not go well."
Sully shook his head. "I know that he didn't think I was good enough for Abby and honestly I was willing to endure his hostility for Abby but why can't he leave me alone now. It was put down after put down. I could have dealt with that too but then he started on about Abby's death being my fault. It was like he didn't even care that Hannah was there - that I was making an effort to keep his granddaughter in his life." Cloud Dancing looked at him sympathetically. "I didn't do anything stupid. Dorothy was there and I left Hannah with her so that she could finish her visit."
"He's hurting Sully."
"So am I."
"I know that. I'm not justifying his actions. Hurting people hurt people - they want someone to pay for their pain."
"Why can't he be self destructive like the rest of us and take it out on himself? I'm tired of being his scapegoat."
Cloud Dancing raised an eyebrow at Sully. "Are you being self destructive?"
"That's not what I meant," Sully said defensively but Cloud Dancing was not so easily satisfied.
"How are you doing with Abby's death?"
Sully shrugged and sat quiet for a minute. He knew there was freedom to pause and think. After a few moments, he looked up and swallowed hard. "My wife, the mother of my child, has been dead for almost five months. When I met Michaela, it had only been a few months since Abby had died."
"Sully, we've talked about this. Wanting a relationship with Michaela…. loving Michaela doesn't dishonor or disrespect Abby. It doesn't mean you didn't love her."
"I know that." His voice was full of anguish. "But you know Loren will think differently."
"He might." Cloud Dancing looked at Sully and waited for Sully to meet his eyes. "He might understand better than you think. He's lost his wife. He knows what it is like to be lonely. I know you don't want to, Sully, but you have to give him a chance." Sully didn't respond and Cloud Dancing could tell he did not like his advice. Carefully, he ventured, "Do you still feel guilty about Michaela?" Sully cut his eyes over at Cloud Dancing but he pretended not to notice.
"I don't feel guilty exactly." He turned now and looked at Cloud Dancing. "I loved Abby… I still love Abby. And I miss Abby. But Cloud Dancing, I love Michaela. I keep telling myself it's too soon to say that but I love her."
Cloud Dancing nodded. "I think you do love Michaela. Think about it Sully - the fact that you want what you had with Abby again is a tribute to what she was to you. Human hearts don't have a limited capacity for love - they can love many people." He paused and thought for a moment before asking, "Sully would Abby want you to be happy?"
Sully didn't hesitate. "Of course," she would.
"Then honor her by being happy. If that means falling in love…." Cloud Dancing trailed off.
"She's so different from Abby - our relationship is so different."
Cloud Dancing laughed. "No two relationships are ever the same. She is going to challenge you." He motioned towards the lodge as he spoke. "But I think it will be good for you."
"Right now the challenge is to stop thinking about her."
Cloud Dancing gave Sully a sly look that conveyed he knew exactly what he was referring to. "Sounds like you'll be joining me in the cold plunge."
Michaela opened her eyes slowly and moved her legs back and forth in the bed, luxuriating in the feel of the warm down comforter. Looking over at the bedside table, she saw the time. It was after 10. This was possibly the best night of sleep she had experienced in quite a while. Michaela stretched her arms above her head and then reached for her phone. There was a text message from her sister Rebecca saying "Enjoy yourself!" Michaela replied with only a blushing smiley face.
It seemed completely appropriate. When she thought about last night, the blood rushed to her cheeks and she found herself smiling. After all her confessions, Sully still wanted to be in her life. More than that, he wanted her. Sully thought she was desirable. When their relationship had first become physical, David had made her feel like that. It hadn't taken long for that feeling to leave. What she said to Sully was true - she felt like a disappointment to David in the bedroom. The feeling of inadequacy was not something she was used to and there seemed to be little patience from David in teaching her.
Sully was so gentle, so patient and even last night when he was turned on, he hadn't pushed her or insisted on his way. He didn't make her feel guilty or feel inadequate. Rather, when he left her, she had never felt so beautiful, so desired.
Michaela pushed the comforter off and sat up on the edge of the bed. She didn't want to waste any more of the day. It appeared that the sun was shining bright and Michaela was anxious to see exactly where she was staying. It wasn't long before she was dressed and headed out to find the others.
Michaela stopped at Sully's room first and knocked on the door but there was no answer so she headed down the stairs. In the foyer, she felt lost as to which way to go next. There was no noise for her to follow and so she decided to call out. "Hello?"
Within moments, Snowbird's face appeared on the farside of the foyer. "Come on through," she said warmly. "Hannah and I are in the family room." Michaela followed her, stopping suddenly as they entered the wide expanse that Snowbird had referred to as the family room. One whole wall was floor to ceiling windows with a fireplace situated right in the middle. The snowy treetops showed the sun's brilliance and Michaela thought she'd never seen such a view.
"It takes your breath away - doesn't it?"
Michaela blinked against the bright sun. "Yes - it's astonishing." She walked over to where Snowbird now stood holding Hannah.
"If you will take Hannah, I'll get your breakfast."
"You don't have to go to any trouble…" Michaela began but Snowbird cut her off.
"It's not any trouble. Would you like some coffee or tea?"
"A tea please - something with caffeine."
Snowbird passed Hannah over to Michaela as she spoke. "Enjoy the view and I'll be right back.
Michaela cradled Hannah against her shoulder, supporting the baby's head. "Good morning sweet girl," she said, placing a kiss on Hannah's soft locks. She walked with Hannah across to the windows and looked out. To the right the valley fell away and Michaela wondered what this room would look like at night with the stars shining down into the darkness. When she turned in the other direction, she noticed on the left there was level ground. Michaela could see the deck and steps down to other buildings. As she looked closer, she saw Cloud Dancing and Sully coming out of one of them.
"Hannah, there's your Daddy." As she spoke, she waved the baby's hand in Sully's direction knowing that he couldn't see them. It occurred to her then that being in a relationship with Sully meant more than a casual relationship with Hannah. The thought was thrilling and terrifying all at the same time. Would she be a good mother? This was something she had given limited thought. Michaela had always assumed that she would think about it after she was married. Her ambition had not included family plans but she wasn't certain her ambition was leading her in the same direction anymore.
Her thoughts were interrupted by Sully's arrival. "Here's my two girls." Michaela smiled at him as he laid a hand on Hannah's back.
She looked down at him curiously. "What were you doing?"
"Sauna with Cloud Dancing" he said, raising his eyebrows. "I was summoned."
Michaela looked at him questioningly. "Summoned?"
"Don't worry. It's what Cloud Dancing does when he wants to talk to Sully without me meddling." Snowbird said as she entered carrying a tray for Michaela.
"Who would accuse you of meddling?" Cloud Dancing stood a few paces from Sully acting hurt at his wife's insinuation but Michaela could see the smile at the edges of his lips. He tried to kiss his wife but Snowbird ducked him.
"Upstairs to shower, both of you." Snowbird was pointing in the direction of the foyer. Sully put up his hands and took two steps backwards but his eyes were still on Michaela. "Go!" Snowbird said forcefully. Sully retreated but not before giving Michaela a wink.
Snowbird set the tray down on a large ottoman in the middle of the seating area. "Here I'll take Hannah so you can eat." Michaela kissed the baby's head again and then handed her over. She perched on the edge of the large leather couch and helped herself to a muffin and her cup of tea.
Snowbird settled on the floor and placed Hannah down on a blanket for some tummy time. "You are welcome to use the sauna," she explained. "I don't care for it myself but Cloud Dancing swears by a sauna and then cold plunge everyday."
Michaela quickly swallowed. "It is supposed to have great health benefits."
"And who am I to argue with all you doctors?" She laughed and Michaela smiled.
"So you're not a doctor?" Michaela asked suddenly, realizing that she had assumed both Snowbird and Cloud Dancing were doctors.
"Oh goodness, no. Social work and counseling. I was Sully's case worker at one time." Michaela was in mid chew but the look of surprise registered on her face nonetheless. Snowbird frowned. "You don't know that Sully was in foster care, do you?"
Michaela shook her head and then took a sip of her tea. "He hasn't shared that," she confirmed.
"I'm going to be in trouble now,'' Snowbird replied but it didn't seem to bother her. "Sully can tell you the ins and outs of how he ended up in care but I became his case manager at age 14. And then Cloud Dancing and I became his foster parents."
"Really?" Michaela knew that these were probably the things Sully wanted to tell her but it was hard not to ask questions.
Snowbird nodded. "Cloud Dancing was taking the center over from his dad and we brought Sully here to live with us. It was rocky for a while but we became a little family in the end."
"He was never adopted?" Michaela felt a pang in her heart.
"We wanted to but he figured he was too old by then. We left the choice up to him."
"I would never have guessed. You don't seem old enough," Michaela remarked and then instantly blushed. "Was that rude?"
Snowbird laughed. "No and we aren't. I was 28 when we took in Sully. Cloud Dancing was 30. We were in over our heads." She said it matter of factly and Michaela felt a sudden affinity for Snowbird. For all intents and purposes, this was Sully's mother.
Michaela instantly thought about David's mother and the way she always felt inadequate around her. When she had tried to talk to David about it, he had told her it was all her imagination. Yet here she was, feeling relaxed and accepted. She sank back into the couch and took another sip of her tea. She couldn't help but think that this was where she was meant to be.
Thanks for the reviews - I appreciate that you are anxious to have the rest of the story. I am posting as I rewrite. I've made changes to the storyline here and there. In the original story, Hannah died - so there are adjustments to include. I don't have a schedule but I am trying to post as often as I can.