Disclaimer: Do not own either Cursed Child or Pitch Meeting but only one of those is funny enough to WANT to own anyway. Only own my own original characters.

If you can, watch a few Pitch Meetings on Youtube and then imagine all of the dialogue being done in their voices. Trust me, it's a lot funnier that way.

Gold sat back at his desk as a writer sat down in front of him, looking eager to pitch his script. Figuring he might as well hear him out, he got the ball rolling about this idea.

"So, I hear you have a script for me?" Asked Gold.

The man nodded eagerly. "Yes sir, I do. It's called Harry Potter and the Cursed Child. A sequel to the hit book and movie series written by JK Rowling."

Gold raised an eyebrow. "Shouldn't Rowling herself be writing this script if this has to do with her work."

"Well as it turns out she doesn't actually have to write it if she gives her blessing on the work," said the writer. "Though she was pretty distracted when I asked her if it was okay."

"What was she working on then?"

"A prequel to the series focusing on the defeat of Grindlewald and a young Dumbledore getting help from magical creatures expert Newt Scamander. But when I asked for her blessing on my fan fiction here and make it canon she agreed…though she looked ready to pass out from overwork then…"

"Oh, tricking the author into making fan fiction canon is tight," said Gold, nodding.

"I know, sir. Anyway, this is about the story of Albus Potter and how he was actually sorted into Slytherin like he was worried about back in the epilogue of Deathly Hallows."

"That's the very last scene of both the book and the movie series."

"It is. So I figured I would give a bit more character to Albus and Draco's son Scorpius Malfoy."

Gold frowned. "So you put them both in Slytherin? Well I guess if you gave them cunning and ambitious natures to go along with the no doubt improved reputation of that house after all these years, it would work."

The writer paused as he looked at the script nervously. "Uh, sure, something like that."

"You did give Albus a reason to be in Slytherin, right? It's not like you just wrote him in there just to cause conflict."

"Well, Albus is just really not like his father Harry at all, you know. He's not good at defensive magic, he can't fly to save his life and he's just like the polar opposite of his dad."

"How does that equal Slytherin? I mean, without being cunning or ambitious he could just wind up in Hufflepuff right? Harry was almost put into Slytherin himself."

"Ohh…whoops."

"Oopsie," said Gold, shrugging his shoulders. "And what about this Scorpius kid? What's his deal?"

"Well he's the son of Draco and Astoria, even though his parentage is pretty sketchy, and he's just like the smart kid that doesn't really care about blood purity and is actually really chill about a lot of things."

"The son of Draco Malfoy and Astoria doesn't care about blood purity?"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah."

"So what makes him a Slytherin?"

"Well…his parents were Slytherin."

"That's it?"

"Look sir, you're on my back and I'm going to have to ask you to get off of it."

"Fair enough, I'll just get off that thing."

"Thank you."

"So any other characters I should know about? I mean, Albus' brother James, sister Lily and others like Hermione's daughter Rose should be main characters as well, right? Not to mention Teddy and Victoire."

The writer looked at his script again. "Yeah, not really."

"What?"

"Yeah, you see that would be a lot of characters to keep track of when the story is focused on Albus and his best buddy Scorpius so they just…don't show up almost at all."

"Albus completely ignores his own family?"

"Oh don't worry, I'll just write it that because he's in Slytherin, they just drift apart and start ignoring him."

"Oh, very non-understanding family members."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah."

"So what happens next?"

"Well, Albus befriends Scorpius on the train to Hogwarts mostly because he just wants a non-family friend and to get away from Rose Granger."

"You mean Rose Weasley, right?"

"Well, Hermione kept her maiden name so Rose uses it too."

"Ron is one of the worst so I can understand that," said Gold, nodding.

"Rose is too as she's like the ultimate combination of Ron and Hermione, having all of their strengths and their weaknesses combined."

"What?"

"Well she's incredibly smart and great at Quidditch but she also hates Slytherins for no good reason and she has planned her entire life, hating anything that goes against that. So she hates that Albus dares do something on his own without her input."

"Oh, very controlling."

"Indeed. So the years go by as Albus and Scorpius are like, each other's only friends. You know, a sort of us against the world mentality."

"Pretty sure Harry and the others would support them if Albus were to just open up more."

"The plot really starts during Albus' and Scorpius' fifth year when they overhear some conversations before the school year starts. You see, the Ministry had confiscated a time turner from an old Slytherin that could go back years instead of just hours."

"You mean like the one in that stage play some American college students used?" Asked Gold.

"What?"

"Some American college students put on a parody play on the Harry Potter series and the Lucius character used a time turner that could go back years. Did you get the idea from that?"

"Well, I don't think it's stealing if I take something from a college production, especially if it was a parody."

"I disagree with that actually, but I'll see what the lawyers have to say about it."

"Fair enough. The other conversation they overhear is one with Amos Diggory, the father of the late Cedric Diggory."

"So what's his deal?"

"Well he's angry that a time turner that could bring back his son is now in Harry and Hermione's hands and they won't use it to do so."

"Wouldn't doing that alter the time line in wild and unpredictable ways?"

"Yeah, but he doesn't care about that. He just wants his son back."

"Even at the expense of destroying a whole time line and starting a new one."

"Oh look, you're back on my back again."

"Oh, I am again? I'll get off that thing."

"So Albus and Scorpius decide to do use the time turner to save Cedric."

"Why?"

"Because Amos has a niece a little older than them named Delphi and Albus has a crush on her. Also to prove something to his dad Harry or something."

"Oh, planning on destroying a whole time line because of a crush on a girl is tight."

"I thought so too. So Albus and Scorpius jump off the Hogwarts Express, narrowly escaping the trolly witch."

"Why would the trolly witch try and stop them? She just sells candy to children, she's harmless."

"Actually, she's a horrifying possibly immortal demon who lives on the train, making sure no students do what Albus and Scorpius are doing in return for living there."

"Oh, my god."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah."

"She's a demon that could have fought that dementor on the train back in Harry's third year?"

"I guess."

"Or could have gotten Harry off the train after Draco broke his nose in his sixth year."

"Yeah."

"So why didn't she?"

"I don't know."

"Fair enough. So I'm guessing they escape the train and make it to the Ministry to take the time turner."

"Indeed they do. They meet up with Delphi and they sneak into the Ministry using Polyjuice potion. In order to distract the Minister of Magic, Hermione, Albus disguised as Ron actually kisses her."

"Hermione being the Minister I can understand completely but you gave Ron a better job than a test monkey at George's shop, right?"

"No, I figured that was all he was good for so I just kept him like that."

"Even though it's stupid that a Minister of Magic would be married to a test monkey."

"Oh, extremely stupid. But she falls for it and they manage to sneak the time turner out from Hermione's trapped bookcase the thing was in."

"Oh really? How?"

"Well Scorpius is the smart one of them so he figures out the riddles and puzzles Hermione placed to protect the thing."

"Sounds like a Ravenclaw move, showing that Scorpius shouldn't be a Slytherin, but okay."

"Yeah, so they get back to Hogwarts to use the time turner, planning on humiliating Cedric during the tournament so he gets such a low score he can't touch the cup to get to that graveyard."

"Why don't they just knock out Cedric the day he put his name into the Goblet of Fire so his name can't come out, preventing him from becoming champion in the first place?"

The writer stared at Gold blankly, looked at his script, and looked back at him. "Oh, oh my god."

"Sounds like that would save Cedric and be a lot easier than humiliating him in front of everyone."

"Well…I need the plot to happen so they don't do that."

"Fair enough."

"Yeah, so they plan on publicly humiliating him during the first task."

"And how do they do that."

"They disguise themselves as Durmstrang students and summon Cedric's wand away from him during the first task."

"I thought they didn't want to kill Cedric."

"What?"

"Well, they're depriving him of his only means of defense against a nesting mother dragon, aren't they? While framing Durmstrang at the same time."

"It's okay, since Cedric lived through that encounter. And when they get back, they found that their time has been altered."

"Kind of standard rules of time travel. You change the past, you alter the present."

"Yeah, they didn't really think that one through. As in this new time line, Hermione is now an angry single defense professor, Ron is married to Padma Patil of all people, and Harry is more of an overprotective father than ever, even preventing Albus from seeing Scorpius."

"Pretty simple fix though as all they have to do is grab the time turner again and use it to stop themselves from altering the past."

"That it would. But they don't do that."

"What?"

"Yeah, instead they go back again and this time humiliate Cedric during the second task."

"And how do they do that?"

"By inflating Cedric like a balloon and sending him zooming around the lake and the grounds like an idiot."

"Oh, very unnecessary."

"Indeed. But when they go back to the present, Albus doesn't exist anymore and Scorpius is some sort of prince of Slytherin."

"Why?"

"Because in the new time line, Voldemort won. Yeah, so Harry's dead now."

"How did that happen?"

"Because of the humiliation during the first two tasks, Cedric Diggory turns evil and joins the Death Eaters."

"You're telling me that Cedric becomes evil, solely because he was made fun of in the first two tasks."

"Yeah."

"Cedric Diggory."

"Indeed, sir."

"You're an idiot."

"So apparently, Cedric only killed one person as a death eater and that was Neville. So he was unable to kill Nagini during the final battle, leading to Voldemort's victory."

"How would that mean that Voldemort won?"

"Because the snake is still alive."

"So Harry wouldn't have become master of the Elder Wand, Voldemort trying to kill him with the one weapon that couldn't kill him, his killing curse rebounding upon him as Harry takes the wand as his own."

The writer blinked.

"With Nagini alive, Voldemort would probably be a wraith again and not dead, but that would still mean that he would be defeated for now at the very least."

"Oh…yeah, I'm going to have come up with something so Voldemort actually wins and none of that happens."

"Not to mention that Ron and Hermione know to kill Nagini and it is a large snake during the final battle. No one else could have gotten her?"

"Oh look, you seem to be on my back again. I thought I told you to get off that thing."

"I'll get off that thing again, I guess. So Scorpius can just immediately go back and change things back to the way they used to be, right?"

"Well, yeah, he could but I wrote that the time turner was confiscated from him as soon as he got back and he has to get it back before he fixes everything."

"Padding this thing out, right?"

"Indeed. So Scorpius finds that his alternate was not a nice person but with the help of the last of the Order of the Phoenix, he is able to get his hands on the time turner and gets back to his own time."

"Do they finally accept that you can't change the past, give the time turner back and accept whatever punishment they have coming to them after nearly destroying the time line?"

"They do, except for giving back the time turner."

"What?"

"Yeah, they decide to destroy that themselves so they just don't give it back for the adults to get rid of."

"Wow, wow, wow, wow."

"Yeah, they are kind of the worst. Anyway, when they try and destroy the time turner they run into Delphi again and she doesn't let them get rid of it as she captures them. Yeah, it turns out she was evil the whole time."

"Delphi is evil now? What's her deal?"

"Delphi reveals her entire backstory after she ties up both Albus and Scorpius. She's not actually related to Amos Diggory at all and she was just using him to cover up the fact that she's the daughter of Bellatrix and Voldemort!"

"Bellatrix and Voldemort had a daughter together?"

"Yes they did and now Delphi wants to use the time turner to go back and make sure that her father succeeds in taking over the magical world."

"So when Bellatrix was torturing Hermione back in Malfoy manor in the seventh book she was covering a huge pregnancy belly?"

"I suppose so."

"And Voldemort was okay with destroying his own image as a feared immortal dark lord? I mean, wouldn't a child just be another threat to his rule? How is it in his character to even want a child when, as an immortal thanks to his horcruxes, he couldn't die?"

"I guess Voldemort always secretly wanted to be a dad. I don't know what to tell you."

"Seems more likely that Voldemort was a rape victim from Bellatrix and that is utterly horrifying."

"Silly person, men can't be rape victims if the offending person is female."

"I heavily disagree but back to the story, why is Delphi evil?"

"Because her parents were evil and she was raised by low level death eaters."

"So she's just evil for the sake of being evil."

"Yeah, pretty impressive huh?"

"Sounds like a missed opportunity, actually. Like, couldn't she be the main character of this thing and the story is a psychological look of her tortured mind of her trying to figure out if she's evil because of her parents or because of her surroundings? Kind of a Nature Vs. Nurture kind of thing where she is at worst an anti-hero?"

"That sounds like that would require…uh, effort," said the writer, looking at his script again. "So…yeah, she's just evil for the sake of being evil."

"Fair enough."

"So she takes Albus and Scorpius back to the third task and try to torment Cedric so he becomes evil only for him to be saved by them at the last moment."

"Why did Delphi bring Albus and Scorpius back to the third task when she knew they were a liability?"

"Because."

"That works."

"So Delphi, furious that her plans aren't working, takes all three of them all the way back to night Harry's parents are killed by Voldemort in 1981 before breaking the time turner so they're stuck in that time."

"So how do they get out of that?"

"Well Albus remembers that he and his dad had a conversation about Harry's old baby blanket that he was left in at the Dursleys and gets an idea of how to encode a message on that so that years later in the present it would show when and where they are."

"Harry still has his old baby blanket?"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah."

"Did Rowling's works mention that thing beyond the first chapter of the first book or Harry ever getting it back or…any kind of connection he has with that thing?"

"Nope. First chapter of the first book and that's it."

"Why wouldn't Aunt Petunia burn that thing if it was associated with magic?"

"So this can happen."

"Oh, putting something that was mentioned once in the entire franchise only to come back in one scene is tight."

"I thought so too. Especially since it requires a special potion in Albus' room to reveal the message written on the blanket and there was no guarantee Harry or Ginny would use that thing."

"Oh, really suspending my disbelief here. So how do they get back to the past?"

"Draco had another of those time turners and if it gets his son back, they can use it."

"Draco had another of these time turners? How many of these things are there?"

"Just the two."

"Wow, wow, wow, wow."

"So Harry, Ron, Hermione, Ginny and Draco all go back to the past to pick up Albus and Scorpius and instead of just arresting Delphi, which Harry can do as head of the Auror office-"

"Well now that the main, and real, heroes are there, defeating Delphi must be super easy, right? I mean, Harry has taken down dozens of dark witches and wizards and is at least twenty years older than Delphi, so he can use his vast experience and take her out like that."

"Actually, they do this plan where Harry pretends to be Voldemort under a lot of glamor charms to distract Delphi while the others get into position to take her down."

"But can't Harry take her down on his own?"

"No. Delphi is kind of a magical powerhouse like her father before her so even with Harry's years of experience over her, he's unable to take her out on his own."

"Oh, he hasn't learned much over these last few decades, has he?"

"I guess not, no. Anyway, they take her back to the present and put her on trial for all the things she's done, Albus and Scorpius go back to Hogwarts with barely a slap on the wrist for everything they've done and it looks like a happy ending."

"Both of them get off with barely a punishment for almost destroying the time line as we know it?"

"Pretty much. Oh, and Scorpius now has a crush on Rose Granger, despite that they've barely spent any time together and she hates everything Slytherin."

"Still on that anti-Slytherin thing then?"

"Yeah, so that's about it. What do you think?"

Gold shrugged. "Well, it sounds like a mess with tons of plot holes and a lot of untapped potential but if we sell it right, then it could work."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I mean, maybe if we could turn this from a movie into a stage play instead then we can trick people watching it into ignoring all of its glaring flaws."

"You think a stage play can do that?"

"Stage plays are classier than simple movies and hopefully the fancier format will distract everyone from the plot. You can do that, right?"

"Turn this script into a play? Oh yeah, it'll be super easy, barely an inconvenience."

"Alright then, let's make some money off of Harry Potter again."

"HARRY POTTER AND THE CURSED CHILD SETS

RECORDS IN BOTH NEW YORK AND SAN FRANCISCO."

Yes, the article headline here is real and is from Broadway World. I do not own it and all props to them. Please don't sue me for anything as I only own Golden Dragon Lord as he is me.