Title: Meeting in a Rose Garden
Summary: Mac reconnects with someone she knew in law school. (West Wing Crossover) (Mac/Other, Mac/Harm friendship)
Part Twenty-Six
"Wait, why are they asking questions about me?" Mac shifted in her chair and wedged the phone between her ear and her shoulder. "Isn't this interview about you, and your campaign?"
"Well yeah." She could almost see Sam nodding. "But since I've never run for office before, and missed the vetting that happens during the primary and the general election, people are curious about my personal life."
She bit back a groan. He would be appearing on a local morning show in Orange County later in the week, and the producers of the show had faxed his team a list of the interviewer's questions. There was a question about his marital status, and he knew there would be a few follow up questions when he told them he was engaged. "I'm just not comfortable being talked about on live TV."
"I know, and I'll respect your privacy as much as I can." She heard the door open and close, and a rush of voices enter whatever room he was in. "But I'm not going to pretend you don't exist. I can't do that."
She sighed and shifted the phone to her other ear. "I know. I don't want you to pretend I don't exist."
"Well, good. I guess we finally agree on something." She could hear the smile in his voice and relaxed slightly. "I'm guessing you guys don't get 'Daybreak OC' on the Seahawk."
Mac snorted. "Definitely not. You'll have to tell me how it goes." The background noise grew louder. "Should I let you go?"
"Unfortunately, yes." He sighed and lowered his voice slightly. "I miss you, Sarah. And I love you."
She momentarily closed her eyes. "I love you too." She hung up the phone and took a deep breath. He had been gone for over a week now, and she had been on the Seahawk for three days, and she missed him, and she missed the life their life together. At least the life they had had before she found out about the endometriosis.
The door to the legal office opened, and she looked up as Harm and Singer walked in. She offered them a tight smile and turned back to the computer. She felt uncomfortable around the two of them, and she couldn't put her finger on why. Harm had always disliked the young lieutenant as much as she had, but since they had boarded the Seahawk; he had been almost protective of her, and it was incredibly strange. She had to admit that she had briefly wondered if he was the father of her baby, but quickly rid herself of that thought. After all, he didn't like Singer, he was seeing Julia at the time, and he would never have a fling with a junior officer.
She realized she must be sitting in Singer's usual spot and started to rise.
"That's not necessary ma'am. I'm going to go get some dinner, and then I'm going to go to my room. I just came by to see if you had thought of any additional questions for me."
"No. Nothing new has come up." She wanted to roll her eyes as the younger woman smirked. "I'll see you in the morning, Lieutenant."
She nodded and grabbed a backpack from the small closet and left the office. Mac watched her leave, and then turned to Harm. "What's with you two?"
He frowned and leaned against the closed door. "Nothing. Why do you ask?"
"Harm, come on. Ever since we've been on board you've been acting strange. You and Singer seem close, there are these mysterious phone calls you won't tell me about. Come on. Talk to me."
He snorted and moved to the other chair. "You're one to talk. You've been acting strange for months."
She blushed and shrugged. "It's personal."
"So is this."
Her eyes widened and she thought back to her earlier thoughts about the paternity of Singer's child. "It isn't yours, is it? Are you the father?"
"Are you really asking me that? Jesus, Mac!" He shot out of his chair and began to pace the small room. "Of course, it isn't mine." He shook his head and shoved his hands in his pockets.
"But you won't tell me why you and her seem abnormally close?"
He shook his head again. "Are you going to tell me what happened at your medical appointment a few months ago?" She swallowed and he rolled his eyes. "If you can keep a secret, so can I. Just drop it. Please."
"Whatever you say, Harm." She pressed a few keys and logged off her computer. "I'm going to my room. I'll see you later."
Harm frowned and lowered the forkful of salad. "You're staying here?"
Mac nodded. "Yeah. Someone has to finish out the cruise. When I called the Admiral to give him an update on the investigation, he asked me if I wanted to do it, and I told him yes." He continued to frown at her, and she felt herself getting annoyed. "What?"
"I feel like this is the Guadalcanal all over again."
She inhaled sharply and shook her head. "I didn't run away then, and I'm not running away now."
He raised an eyebrow. "Oh really?" He shrugged. "Seems that way to me. You're not talking to me, Sam is in California, and it just seems like every day you withdraw a little bit more." She didn't say anything, and he leaned back to study her. Her posture was ramrod straight, and her face was tense. She hadn't seemed happy for months – not since her appointment. He still didn't know what was wrong. She hadn't told him, and Julia refused to tell him, something they had argued about more than once. "I'm your friend, Mac. Talk to me."
"It's two more weeks, Harm. Not two months. I'm not running from anything. One of us had to stay behind to fill Singer's spot, and I have no one waiting for me back in Washington."
"Why didn't you go with him? With Sam."
She tilted her head to the side and looked at him as if he had lost his mind. "I have to work, Harm. And besides. He's running for Congress and his team has him doing about twenty events a day. It wouldn't exactly be a vacation."
Harm shrugged. "I'm sure he'd make time for you."
"Yeah," she said with a snort. "One more thing he'll eventually resent me for." Her eyes widened and she clamped her lips shut.
They sat in silence for a moment. Finally, he pushed back from the table and stood. He grabbed her hand and pulled her out of her chair. "Come on."
"Harm, wait!" He tightened his grip on her hand and pulled her out of the dining hall. "Harm – our food!"
He shook his head and kept walking, forcing her to keep up. "You weren't actually eating it anyway." He kept walking, and finally he opened a door that led to the fantail. They stepped outside and he moved to the railing, finally dropping her hand. "Talk to me."
"Harm, you have just given a lot of people something to talk about."
He rolled his eyes. "We're in a public place. It's fine. Now, talk to me. Why will Sam eventually resent you?"
Mac turned away from him and stared at the water. She knew that he was waiting for her to speak, and a small part of her was obstinate enough that she wanted to see how long he would wait. But she finally took a deep breath and gave in. "It's unlikely I'll be able to have children." She gripped the railing, and looked down at her hands, the water; anywhere but his face. She couldn't stand the thought of him pitying her. She jolted when she felt his warm hand on her back, and she instinctively turned to face him. He tugged her close, and wrapped his arms tightly around her.
"I'm so sorry."
She swallowed, and forced back the tears that were her constant companions these days, and gently pushed him away. She turned back to the water and sighed softly. "You're probably thinking you dodged a bullet."
"Mac, no." He placed his hand on her back again. "What happened?" He waited for her to start, and then listened without interrupting while she told him about her diagnosis. When she had finished, he moved his hand to her shoulder and pulled her closer to him. "And you think Sam is going to resent you for this? It's not your fault, and if he's making you feel like it is than he's a complete asshole."
"He's not making me feel like it's my fault." She spoke softly, and turned to look at him. "He's been supportive and wonderful, and-" she hesitated and took a deep breath, "it just makes me feel worse. It makes me feel like he deserves so much more than I have to offer."
"That's not true." He squeezed her shoulder. "I'm not going to pretend to understand how you feel, and I know I don't know him well. But I know he loves you." They both fell silent again, as he watched a plane flying over them. Once the plane was nothing more than a speck, he turned toward her. "There are other ways to have a family, Mac. I know it's different for men, since we're not the ones getting pregnant and giving birth. But if I were in Sam's place, it wouldn't make me love you any less. It wouldn't make me want a life with you any less." He reached over and brushed away the one tear that had dared to fall.
She swiped at her cheeks and turned back to the water. "It's just not fair," she whispered.
"I know." He tugged her close and rested his head on hers. "Are you going to try fertility treatments?" He felt her shrug, and remained quiet.
"I don't know. Sam and I haven't talked about our options yet. He's tried to, but I'm just not ready."
He frowned and pulled away from her. "Why not?"
She shrugged again. "He doesn't need to go through this. As far as we know, he can have children. He can move on and find someone else and have a family. He's not stuck with the same options I am."
"Mac…"
"It's the truth, Harm. He can go anytime he wants to." She looked up at him, her large eyes wet with unshed tears.
He kissed the top of her head and then straightened. "Did I ever tell you what Frank told me before we went to Russia the first time?" She shook her head. "He told me that he'd help me anyway he could, because even though I never thought of him as my dad, I was the only son he'd ever had." She looked up at him, and he smiled. "We don't share a drop of DNA, and he has loved me unconditionally for most of my life. And as far as I know, he never resented my mom for not giving him a child of his own. Sam's a good guy, Mac." Her eyes widened and he shrugged. The words felt strange coming from his mouth, but he knew they were true. "He's a good guy and he loves you."
"What if he leaves someday?"
He grinned, and it was his flyboy grin that still made her a little weak in the knees. "What if he doesn't?"
"So, you're saying that there isn't any evidence that I've done anything wrong."
Mac wanted to physically wipe the smug look off of Singer's face. "That's what I'm saying." Singer made a noise that sounded like a harrumph. "You'll be leaving tomorrow with Commander Rabb, and I'm going to take over here."
Singer scowled, and crossed her arms over her chest. "I'm perfectly capable of staying to finish out the cruise."
She didn't say anything, not wanting to get into an argument over this. Singer was technically correct. She was capable of finishing the cruise, and by Navy standards, she should be able to stay onboard until she hit her 20th week. "You're free to take that up with the Captain and with Admiral Chegwidden if you'd like." Her scowl deepened, and she didn't say anything.
Mac turned back to her notes, and apparently Singer didn't like being ignored, because she sighed loudly. Mac ignored the first sigh, and turned back to look at her after the second one. "Yes, Lieutenant?"
Her hand was resting on her abdomen, and for a brief moment, a very brief moment, the brash young woman looked like she wanted to say something. Finally, she shook her head. "Nothing. It's not important."
In spite of their tumultuous past, Mac felt herself soften. "Do you need to talk, Loren?"
She opened her mouth to speak, and then closed it and shook her head. "No ma'am." And she turned and left the office.
"Can we talk?"
Mac looked up from the screen and nodded. "Aren't you leaving soon?"
"Yeah. Fifteen minutes. Will you walk with me?"
"Yeah." She turned to Coates, who was watching them with a curious expression. "I'll be right back, Jen."
Jen stood and extended a hand to Harm. "It was good seeing you, Commander Rabb."
He grinned and took her hand. "You too, Petty Officer." He shifted his duffel bag to his other shoulder, and lead them out of the small office.
"So, what did you want to talk about?"
He shook his head. "Not yet." He turned down a corridor and suddenly she knew where they were headed. Finally, he opened the door to the fantail and let her step out first. "We seem to have important talks about the future out here; so, I figured it was the appropriate spot to tell you my secret."
She raised an eyebrow and leaned against the railing. "I'm listening."
He took a deep breath. "I'm not the father of Singer's baby. But I think I might be its uncle."
Her eyes widened, and she breathed out a single word. "Sergei." He nodded. "But he's gone. He left…" She trailed off when she realized the dates made sense. "He left about three and a half months ago. Wow."
"Yeah." He sighed. "That's what those calls were about. I've had Manetti dig around a bit; I've been trying to confirm that they were together before he left and she came out here."
"Are you going to tell him?"
Harm shrugged. "I don't know what I'm going to do. It's not really my place to tell him, but I think he deserves to know. I'm going to try to talk to her on the way home." He glanced at his watch. 'I guess I should head that way."
She nodded. "I'll walk with you." They walked in silence to the flight deck, and she wasn't at all surprised to see Singer already waiting. They had only been on the Seahawk for five days, and she already looked like she was showing more than she had been. Mac's eyes fell to her stomach, and felt a rush of anger. None of this was fair. Singer gave a brief nod, and then boarded the helicopter.
"Are you okay?" Harm asked quietly.
She forced a smile and nodded. "Yeah. I don't have to travel with her back to DC, so I'm probably doing better than you are."
He touched her arm and pulled her close for a hug. "Take care of yourself, Mac."
She squeezed him tighter, and nodded against his chest. They stayed in their embrace for another moment, and then she pulled away. She stepped back, and watched as he boarded and took the window seat. He held up a hand, and she mirrored the gesture, before turning and heading back to her desk.
10 Days Later…
"Welcome back, ma'am."
Mac smiled at Manetti. "It's good to be back on dry land." She glanced at Harm's office and noticed the darkened room. "Do you know if Commander Rabb is here?"
"I haven't seen him this morning."
She nodded and went into her own office to drop off her things before her meeting with the Admiral. She figured she had just enough time to grab a coffee before heading to his office and made her way to the breakroom. She heard voices, and frowned slightly. One of the voices belonged to Harriet, which was fine. But the other sounded like Carolyn Imes, and she just wasn't caffeinated enough to deal with her. But, getting coffee meant dealing with her, and she took a deep breath and headed inside.
"Good morning, Colonel."
Mac smiled at Harriet and reached for a mug. "Good morning." She moved around Carolyn and grabbed the pot of coffee, while the two women returned to their conversation.
"I just can't believe it," Carolyn was saying. "I can't believe she's having an abortion." Mac went still; the pot of coffee freezing in mid-air. "Come on, Harriet," she continued, "I saw you talking to her the other day. You have to know something."
"I don't know anything, Commander. We're not exactly friends."
Mac cast a surreptitious glance at Harriet, and saw that her cheeks were pink. She seemed almost embarrassed to be caught gossiping about this. She hurriedly finished filling her mug and placed the coffee pot back on the warmer. She was almost out of the room when Carolyn stopped her.
"Do you know anything, Mac? I mean, you were the one investigating her. Is she having an abortion? Who is the father?"
She walked away without answering either question. She hurried back to her office, shut the door and set the coffee down. She slid into her chair in the dark room, buried her face in her hands and began to cry.
'It's not fair' ran through her head over and over again. It wasn't fair. None of this was fair. She allowed herself to cry for another moment, and then she straightened and reached for her purse. She wiped her face, and pulled out her makeup bag and tried to make herself presentable. She dabbed at her eyes and took a moment to appreciate her waterproof mascara. Finally, she blew her nose, downed half of the now cooled coffee, and hurried to Admiral Chegwidden's office.
Tiner stood when she approached and smiled warmly. "You can go on in, ma'am."
She had barely opened the door, when he called out for her to come in and have a seat. She settled in her usual chair. He frowned as he took in her appearance, and she felt her face redden. He stood and moved around the desk. He sat in the other chair and leaned back. "Are you okay, Mac?"
She swallowed hard, and nodded. She felt as if she were on the verge of crying again, and cursed herself for letting the dam break at the office. "I'm fine, sir."
He didn't look convinced, but nodded. "Okay. So, let's talk about a few things." They spent the next half hour going over her report on Singer, the position on the Seahawk itself, and finally talking about Coates and her opinion on how she would do in a position at headquarters.
Once they were finished, he clapped the arms of the chair and stood. "Okay then. Thank you again for staying out there."
She nodded. "Anytime, sir."
He moved back to his chair and settled in. "Is your fiancé still in California?"
"Yes sir."
"Hmm." He glanced at the calendar on his desk and then looked at her. "I think you should take a few days and go out there." She frowned and he leaned forward. "You haven't been yourself lately. For the most part you've done an excellent job of hiding it, but you look like you could snap any minute. It's Thursday. Take the rest of the day and the weekend. And more if you need it."
"I don't need it, sir. I'm fine."
"No, you're not. Go to California, don't go to California – that's none of my business. But I don't want you back in this office until Tuesday morning. It's an order, Colonel."
Mac looked around the empty apartment, her eyes landing on a photo of her and Sam. She felt like crying again. She missed him, but she couldn't go to California. If she was messed up before, she was a total train wreck now. She rubbed a hand over her face and headed to the bedroom to change out of her uniform. Back in the living room, she noticed the massive pile of mail she had picked up when she had gotten home from the Seahawk late last night, and walked over to it. She rifled through it, setting aside the two packages, and sorting the envelopes into three separate piles – bills, fun mail, and junk. Then she turned to the packages. The first had been a mailing tube, and she laughed as she pulled out a giant 'Seaborn for Congress' campaign poster. The second was a video tape and she frowned as she turned the tape over in her hand. The mailer hadn't had a return address, and there was nothing written on the spine. She pulled the tape out of it's carboard sleeve and there was a pink post-it note stuck to the tape.
Watch this.
-Josh
She felt a rush of curiosity and turned on the TV and put the tape in the VCR. It was already rewound to the beginning, and she flushed when she saw a logo for 'Daybreak OC' appear on the screen. She perched on the edge of the coffee table and watched Sam's interview. The woman talking to him was much older, and seemed to be appropriately charmed by him. They talked his education and his work experience. They talked about his childhood in Orange County, and finally they talked about her. It started out fairly innocuous. She had asked if he was married, and he told her that he wasn't – but he was engaged. And then she asked how they had met. He grinned, and his cheeks pinkened.
"I'm only telling you this because she's traveling for work and it's unlikely she'll see this." The interviewer gestured for him to continue. "We were at law school at the same time, but technically we met at the White House. She was in the audience for an award ceremony, and I spotted her in the crowd. I thought she looked familiar, but I also thought she was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. We talked for a few minutes and I asked for her number." His blush deepened. "I know guys are supposed to wait three days, but I didn't even make it three hours before I called and asked her out for that night."
"I'm assuming she said yes."
He grinned. "I think she thought I was a little nuts, but she did."
The interviewer beamed. "And at how did you know she was the one?"
His grin faltered a bit. "I've never even told her that, so I'm not going to tell your audience. But I knew that first night."
"And are you nervous about getting married?"
He shook his head. "Not at all. I knew she was the one that first night, and that feeling has gotten stronger every day."
After that, the conversation turned to why he was running for Congress and she muted the television. She stared at the silent TV for a moment, and then jumped up and moved to the phone. She dialed the number for information and then asked to be connected to Ronald Reagan International Airport.
The next two hours had gone by in a blur. There weren't any flights to Orange County until much later that day, but LAX had one at 1:00pm, and Mac didn't think twice before giving her credit card information to the agent. She hurriedly packed a small suitcase, and made it to the airport at 12:30. She got through security quicker than she ever had in her life, and then ran to the terminal. She was breathless when she handed the ticket and her ID to the agent, and boarded the plane.
The gods of commercial flight were obviously smiling on her, and she had her small row to herself. She leaned her head against the headrest and closed her eyes. She was never this spontaneous, and couldn't believe she was doing this, and before long she started to worry. What if he wasn't there? What if he was too busy to see her? What if he was angry that she hadn't called first? But then she took a deep breath, and thought of Sam's kind eyes, and his daily emails, and the way his voice would lower just the tiniest bit when he told her that he loved her.
The flight was smooth and quiet and before long she closed her eyes and managed to fall asleep.
Ronald Reagan International Airport had been relatively calm for a Thursday afternoon, but LAX was a different story. It took forever to find her suitcase and the line for a rental car moved so slow it was almost comical.
Finally, Mac had the keys to a white Jeep Wrangler, and consulted a map before pulling out of the parking lot. Sam had rented a furnished apartment for his time here, and even though she wasn't familiar with the area, she at least had the address and was able to locate the street on the map. The drive to his apartment took over an hour, and she felt like a bundle of live wires as she made her way inside and to the 6th floor. She stood in front of his door for a long moment before she tentatively knocked. The door opened, and her anxiety dissolved when she saw him. She watched as the surprise on his face quickly morphed into happiness, and he reached for her. He wrapped his arms around her, holding her tightly.
He pulled back to take her in, and then leaned in to kiss her. He nipped at her bottom lip, and deepened the kiss when she opened her mouth to him. Eventually, he pulled back and placed his hands on her face. "What on earth are you doing here?"
She covered his hands with hers and met his eyes. "Lieutenant Singer is pregnant."
He tilted his head to study her, and she swallowed. "I don't think I've met her."
"You haven't." She dropped her hands and wrapped them around her middle. "She's this mean spirited, ambitious, cutthroat young woman. She likely had a one-night stand, she ended up pregnant and now she is apparently considering an abortion, and it's just not fair." She began to cry and he pulled her close again.
"I know it's not," he whispered into her hair, his heart breaking for her.
They stood there for a moment, his hands moving over her back while she continued to cry. Her tears finally began to subside, and she pushed back from him.
She looked around sheepishly. "I think I just gave your neighbors a show."
He smiled, and rubbed his thumbs over her cheekbones. "It's California. I'm sure they've seen worse." She smiled and he ran his hands over her arms. "Want to come inside?"
Mac nodded and he backed them into the apartment. He pushed the door shut behind them and took her in his arms again.
End Part 26