Disclaimer: I own nothing of the Hogwarts universe, I earn nothing. I am just playing - with a loving heart and neverending joy.

Chapter 26

Hermione reached the tent, out of breath, and fell down on her thin mattress, completely exhausted. Everything in her head whirled around like in a orchestra that had gone wild without a conductor and every question demanded priority attention - what was Snape doing here, what had just happened to Harry in the forest, was their hiding place still safe or did she have to pack, who was there with Harry at the lake?
And in the middle of that chaos the feeling of Severus' lips on hers, roaring like a giantic trombone.

What the hell had made that dismissive and suspicious man do that? She easily could rule out any romantic reason. That was neither the time nor the circumstances, nor was he the man for such a spontaneous pubescent nonsense - as it would be the mildest term he himself would chose for.

'And you, Miss Superanalytics?' her inner Hermione asked, 'Before it escapes your notice: Not only were you kissed by him, but he was also kissed by you. And if Dementors had been singing karaoke next to you at that moment, you would not have given a shit.'
Hermione closed her eyes in annoyance. Great, thanks to her inner pain-in-the-ass, she now had the image of a dementor in her head, singing "I did it myyy way" in a hollow voice.

But there was something true to it - why had she kissed him back? Why do people kiss? Because of love, of course. Or lust, sure. Those were probably the most common motifs and she could rule out both of them for that encounter in the forest.

Could it be, that they both just had needed that kiss, that closeness, at the same time? He must be terribly lonely if half of what she was figuring out about his life was true. Perhaps she was the only one he could stand next to without having to fear for his or others' life, the only one where he was not forced to stay in character one hundred percent for the whole time. How exhausting that must have been in the last monts, she had seen in his face.

Basically, she knew that feeling - he was the only one she was completely honest with, to everyone else in her life she had to lie about her trust in Snape that had become the strongest motivation of all for her.
The comparison was a bit off, because Harry and Ron weren't exactly Voldemort and Malfoy, but on the other hand she had to live with the deliberately betraying of her real friends instead of some soulless bastards.

However, there had been something else in Snape's eyes - a brief confusion and perplexity that she couldn't explain. Her reaction to his appearance had been a little bit... well... emotional, of course, but it wasn't that. Rather, he seemed to have expected something completely different, a different reaction from her. He hadn't tried to contact her either, although he had known for sure that she'd been left alone in the tent. As if he had basically wanted to avoid her. Either he really thought it was too dangerous, or ...

Hermione's eyes widened. He hadn't assumed ... no. It couldn't be, he couldn't judge her to be that simple-minded. Did he think she'd given up on him after the drama with Dumbledore? Could that be the reason of his silence?

That would be an explanation why he didn't even try to get any information from her. But he couldn't be that stupid. She bit her lower lip.

No. Not that stupid.
But that bitter.

Perhaps it never occurred to him that she trusted him too much to be tricked by his deeds. That from the start she had seen something very different in that so-called murder than Harry or anyone else had seen.
Such a kind of loyalty wasn't exactly a popular behaviour in Snape's circles; not even Dumbledore had hold himself back from misusing trust - and more extensively than she would have ever thought, as Hermione slowly and painfully realized.

So if Snape had just realized that, contrary to his assumption, she was still believing in him, it suddenly made his behavior and even the spontaneous kiss understandable.

"But not yours, my love" purred the inner voice with a sugar-sweet undertone.

Hermione groaned and buried her face in her pillow. In retrospect, what did he think of her, she had acted like a teenager meeting her crush.
What had she been thinking?

Nothing. It was that simple. She hadn't thought anything. It just had happened that way and it had simply felt absolutely right. So, what's the big deal. Why shouldn't a Severus Snape be kissed for once, after all?

For the inner peace of her soul, Hermione decided to leave it at that statement.

At the moment, hell, there were more important things - she heard footsteps coming nearer. When she stumbled out of the tent, morning had finally broken and in the misty light she saw Harry approaching. Behind him Ron, actually Ron, grinning broadly and nervously, holding the Gryffindor sword in his hand.

Her state of mind, which she had just stabilized with a lot of effort, immediately went back to confused disbelief.

Two people, whose disappearance had driven her almost mad - and now they both appeared one after the other, as if a train station had been opened at the remote Forest of Dean.

But how different, how completely different than before, this reunion felt. The awkwardly chosen "Hey" by Ron brought all disappointment with him back with one blow.
A wave of anger welled up in Hermione and she ran to Ron as if in a strange repetition of what happened before - only this time she was more willing to tear the person in front of her into pieces instead of hugging him.

Harry separated them before she would scratch the grin off Ron's face. He told her what he and Ron had experienced, not having a clue of what had been happening at the same time in a short distance. When he had finished, Hermione got up silently and went back into the tent to cry herself into a short and restless sleep, even though she didn't know what exactly she was so angry about.
The only thing she knew was that she wished herself back into the safety she had felt in the brief moments when Severus Snape had held her in his arms.

And she'd better keep that to herself.

The Headmaster of Hogwarts had similar thoughts at the same moment. Thanks to the the christmas holidays he could enjoy unusually quiet hours today, in which everyone in the castle was largely occupied with his or hers minor intrigues; even those obnoxious carrows.

Snape stared at the papers with the revised laws of the Grand Inquisitor in front of him, allowing one last time to let the memories of what had happened only a few hours ago wander through his mind.
'That doesn't change anything for me, Sir. Just for you to know.' The corner of his mouth twitched briefly when he remembered the sentence with which Hermione had left this room the last time.

Apparently this ... this ... He couldn't think of any matching term.
Without being even there, Hermione left him speechless. He had dismissed that sentence from her as naivete, as the uttered platitude of a young woman of just age who had pink fluffy clouds in her head about the good in every human soul - and now it became apparent that she had obviously meant every single letter of it. She hadn't even bought the murder of Albus, he thought incredulously.

What had he done that she believed in him so firmly, that he couldn't even startle her with intimacy.
On the contrary, she dared to bewilder him completely with that soft sigh, followed by literally melting in his arms.

He didn't even know why he kissed her, it had happened somehow. She had just gotten too close to him, so close that she had found the very last remnant of Severus Snape before it finally vanished.

Not that this would have been a shame.

Snape took a deep breath and shook his head. It was unfortunate, but those memories had to go. He would have to erase it in Hermione's head, too, but that would hardly be possible at the moment.

Severus raised the wand to his temple to pull out the memory and destroy it, this memory of how she had thrown herself at his chest, wrapped her arms around him, looked at him with that affection, and then so wonderfully unexpectedly returned his kiss with the first kiss he had received in his life without paying the owner of the lips afterwards, as he was used to do it.

His eyebrows rose when he realized he was kidding himself. He couldn't. He just couldn't.

That one kiss, damn it. If he was pretending to be a loyal murderer, he should also be able to hide this tiny scene from Voldemort. He probably wouldn't see Hermione again anyway, so the intensity of the memory should fade on its own in a few days.

Severus sighed and lowered the wand.

A fine scent filled the headmaster's office and caught his attention. Severus frowned in surprise - fresh coffee with cardamom. How the hell ...

"Headmaster Snape has heavy thoughts. Winky thought, maybe needs coffee." A house elf stood in front of his table with a shy look and held a small tray with a temptingly steaming cup in her hand. Snape was surprised. He hadn't know about this service for the Headmaster before.

"Who do you serve?" He asked, amazed. "Winky serves Hogwarts," said the little lady in front of him, as if it were the most logical thing in the world, and placed the cup on his table.