"This thing on?" Chris asked as he fiddled with a camera. "Welcome Total Drama viewers! It's been a fun trilogy here at Nui Kaua, but all good things must come to an end, and we're about to say goodbye to this locale indefinitely. Before we go though, some interns of mine brought me some B-roll from our filming of Cursed Island! We cut these scenes to go for a more seriously toned season, but in the spirit of good vibes, here is the cast of Cursed Island, making complete fools of themselves! Hope you like it!"
And with that, the camera clicks off.
-TOTAL DRAMA NUI KAUA: THE CURSED ISLAND B-ROLL-
Daniel: I don't need to believe in hell, I experience it every day
Freya: I don't need to believe in heaven because I look like this
Daniel: Please God, just let me have one good day.
God: Oh Christ, you again? Give it a rest, buddy.
Lucien: Why can't dinosaurs clap?
Azami: Because their arms are too sh-
Daniel: Because they're all dead
Lena: Christmas is cancelled.
Daniel: You can't cancel a holiday.
Lena: Keep it up, Daniel, and you'll lose New Years too.
Daniel: What does that mean?
Lena: Tori, take New Years away from Daniel.
Tori: On it.
Tori: You can't spend the rest of your life alone, dressed in black, listening to angry music and staying up all night!
Daniel: Yes I can.
Daniel: I may be antisocial and unattractive.
Lucien: ...But?
Daniel: That's all.
Lucien: Is anyone else scared?
Daniel: Not really. I've already lived longer than I expected.
Lucien: what if the g in gif is silent?
Daniel: go the fuck to sleep
Lucien: what gif i don't want to?
Daniel: fuck off
Lucien: I wonder what happened to Freya...
Barnard: I wonder too...
Lucien: Maybe the river carried her far away, all the way to the ocean, then some pirates found her and brought her aboard their ship, and one of the pirates has a wooden leg.
Barnard: You have a crazy imagination!
Daniel: ...Then came the storm.
Freya: Hey do you have a bag I can borrow?
Daniel: The only bags I have are the ones under my eyes and they're specifically designed to carry the burden of my existence.
Freya: ...Literally all you had to do was say no
Lucien: Is the Kool Aid man the jar or the liquid?
Daniel: What?
Lucien: IS THE KOOL AID MAN THE JAR OR THE LIQUID?
Lucien: Ow! My armkle!
Barnard: Your what?
Daniel, sighing: His wrist
Daniel: I dislike this song
Lucien: Well, you got to admit, it's pretty catchy
Daniel: The Bubonic Plague was catchy, that doesn't mean it was good
Lucien: If a plant is sad, do the other plants photosympathize with it?
Azami: I chlorofeel you, dude
Daniel: are you two serious right now?
Lucien: What is it called when you murder your best friend?
Lucien: Homiecide!
Daniel: Murder.
Lucien: Homiecide.
Barnard: What are you talking about, I'm like the backbone of this top 4.
Lucien: You're more like…the appendix of this group, no one knows what you're here for.
Freya: Also prone to explode at any given moment.
Daniel: And a real pain to remove.
Barnard: Fuck you guys.
Lucien: What if "It's Raining Men" and "Let the Bodies Hit the Floor" are both about the same event but from different perspectives?
Daniel: I'm literally begging for you to stop.
Lucien: based on statistical evidence, I think I'm immortal
Daniel: Why?
Lucien: I haven't died yet.
Daniel: That's...not how it works.
Freya(banging on the door): Lucien, open up!
Lucien: Well, it all started when I was a kid...
Barnard: No, she meant-
Daniel: Let him finish.
Kyle: After she fell down the stairs did you check her pulse?
Molly: No Kyle! Because I'm not like a registered nurse!
Kyle: Freya. Are you the yee to my haw?
Freya: ohmyhoshKyl p
Kyle: On a scale from 1-10, you're a nine. I'm the one you need ;)
Freya: No, wtf, I'm totally a ten!
Kyle: You ever feel like you're being watched?
Freya: All the time. When you look this good, you get used to it.
Kyle: What the hell is wrong with you?
Freya: I have this weird self-esteem issue where I hate myself but still think I'm better than everyone else.
Kyle: BOYFRI(END).
Kyle: GIRLFRI(END).
Kyle: BEST FRI(END).
Kyle: Everything has an END except COWBOY.
Freya: Here is my wall of inspirational women.
Kyle: . . . Is that a picture of you?
Freya: Yes. I am big enough to admit that I am often inspired by myself.
Kaden: I never said I was gonna get back together with her. But I was thinking, she's in town, would it be the worst thing in the world if I gave her a call?
Freya: No. No, Kaden, it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. It would be the fourth worst thing. Number one: a super volcano. Number two: an asteroid hits the Earth. Number three: All the Evel Knievel movies are lost. Number four: Kaden calls Azami. Number five: Kyle gets eaten by a shark.
Kyle: I'm Kyle, and I approve the order of that list.
Freya: I have this urge to do something stupid.
Nick: I'm stupid, do me!
Sherwood:
Kyle:
Aubrey:
Freya:
Nick: Did I just say that out loud?
Kyle: I've gathered you all here today to get something off my chest.
Freya (from the back of the room): Is it your shirt? Please say yes.
Kyle: Alright everyone we have a security crisis on our hands, so we'll be going by codenames. You will all address me as Eagle One.
Kyle: Aubrey is - Been there, done that.
Kyle: Freya is - Currently doing that.
(Kyle and Freya high five)
Kyle: Misha is -It happened once in a dream.
Kyle: Nick is - If I had to pick a dude.
Kyle: Sherwood is - Eagle Two.
Sherwood: Oh thank god.
Freya: How do Lucien and Tori get out if these messes?
Lena: They don't. They just make a bigger mess that cancels the first one out.
Sherwood: Package for you.
Tori: Thanks, have a nice day!
Sherwood: Don't tell me what to do.
Tori: You always see the worst in people!
Sherwood: That's because people are the worst.
Tori: It costs nothing to be nice sometimes.
Lena: It costs me my fucking sanity sometimes, Tori.
Tori: You know what I just realized?
Sherwood: That some thoughts are best left unsaid?
Lucien: What if mayonnaise came in cans?
Tori: That would suck since you can't microwave metal
Lena: Good Morning to everyone except these two.
Lucien: Lasagna is pizza cake!
Everyone:
Tori: You know, this time, you're not wrong
Sherwood: Well, that's the problem.
Tori: What is?
Sherwood: People
Lena: I hate you.
Tori: You say that to everyone.
Lena: Well I hate everyone
Tori: Sherwood, have you ever been lonely?
Sherwood: Of course not, I remain lonely.
Tori: Okay, I have jobs for everyone. Lena, you're in charge of the raffle.
Lena: I'm your girl.
Tori: Don't yell at the customers.
Lena: I'm...kinda your girl.
Tori: And smile.
Lena: You need another girl.
Tori: I once played poker with a deck of Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.
(Samuel breaks down the banshee cabin door)
Freya: Samuel Kremer! Why do you keep breaking down my door? Why don't you knock first? It's not even locked! This time, you'll pay.
(Samuel takes out his wallet)
Freya: That's right, fork it over!
Antonio: Samuel.
Samuel: Wassup?
Antonio: Kick me in the balls.
Samuel: Uh. Why would I do that?
Antonio: I want to do a watercolor painting with my actual tears.
Samuel: . . .
Samuel (turns around): Twilight! Antonio wants you to do a favor!
Samuel: I have this old talking board that I brought for this occasion
Molly: Those things don't work!
Aleister: Yes they do! Have you seen the movie?
Molly: The movie Ouija? No! No one did!
Natalie: Getting rid of me… won't save you. You're your own worst enemies! All of you!
Samuel: No, I'm pretty sure you're worse, dude.
Aleister: You're definitely worse.
Twilight: Tell Molly that having money doesn't give her the right to push people around Samuel: I did
Twilight: and what did she say?
Samuel: She gave me two hundred dollars so I could shut up
Azami: winning is every girl's dream,
Azami: but it's my destiny.
Jaime: I have to go to the bathroom, but I'm too lazy . . .
Lucien:
Azami:
Lucien:
Azami:
Lucien & Azami: looks like urine trouble!
Jaime: Is Azami always like this when she loses?
Kaden: Oh, yes. You should've been there for the Great Jenga Tantrum of 2015.
Azami: You bumped the table and you know it!
Azami: What do you call a person with poor hearing?
Kaden: What?
Azami: I SAID WHAT DO YOU CALL A PERSON WITH POOR HEARING!
Aubrey: What did you do to last year's clothes?
Molly: Burned them
Molly: It's just like daddy always says...If you want something done right, pay someone a lot of money to do it for you
Molly: I am no good with money.
Vampires: . . .
Molly: Thanks for talking with me. Here's a couple hundred bucks.
Natalie: I could kill you
Aleister: Oh yeah? So could Twilight
Natalie: Wait...
Samuel: Or a duck
Natalie: Now hold on a sec-
Twilight: Or a dedicated dog
Natalie: I-
Molly: You aren't special Natalie.
Molly: Haha you didn't get lunch 'cause Mom thought I was you and fed me twice
Aubrey: You Bitch!
Molly: You are useless at hospitals. I remember one time you cried and cried and cried. It was awful.
Aubrey: Are you referring to our birth?
Freya: I'm gonna be honest here . . .
Aubrey: Is that wise?
Freya: No, but I'm gonna do it anyways . . .
Barnard: I underestimated you.
Lucien: Yeah, well, maybe next time you'll estimate me.
Lucien: What's the website for amazon dot ca?
Barnard: ... amazon dot ca.
Lucien: looking at a map God, it's just a barren, featureless desert out here, isn't it?
Barnard: Other side, Lucien.
Lucien (flips the map over): Oh.
Lucien: I can cure sex cancer
Barnard: Sex cancer doesn't exist
Lucien: ...I did it
Lucien: Think of like when you're totally underwater, you're not really wet.
Barnard (teeth clenched): Yes, you are.
Barnard: Me, an intellectual—
Jaime: You, an intellectual?
Barnard: Think you can answer some questions without the usual level of sarcasm?
Jaime: If you can ask the questions without the usual level of stupid.
Freya: Everyone synchronize your watches.
Lucien: I don't know how to do that.
Daniel: I don't wear a watch.
Barnard: Time is a construct.
Jaime: The glass is half empty
Barnard: NO. Its half full!
Helen: I think you're both full of shit!
Barnard: I disagree.
Jaime: You usually do.
Daniel, setting down a card: Ace of spades.
Freya, pulling out an uno card: +4.
Lucien, pulling out a Pokémon card: Leafeon, I choose you.
Barnard (trembling): What game are we playing?
Barnard: I don't even have time to tell you how wrong you are.
Barnard:
Barnard: Actually, it's gonna bug me if I don't.
Barnard: I'm not getting into anymore stupid debates with you.
Lucien: Water is not wet.
Barnard: immediately screaming How the hell is water not wet?! IT'S WATER, DUMBASS!
Lucien: Life… is like an egg.
Barnard: Explain.
Lucien: Sometimes there's a chicken in it.
Barnard: … dude, what the actual fuck does that mean?
Chef: I don't need anyone causing trouble at my camp!
Aleister: uh sorry. (Clears throat and mans up) (deep voice) I mean, sorry you had to see that, but you know how it is (punches Chef on the shoulder). When you get those, uh, (punches chest) Manly urges, when ya just gotta kill someone! Fix things. Cook outdoors.
Chef: What's your name?
Aleister: (voice reverts back) oh, I-I uh-
Chris: Your co-host with the co-most just asked you a question!
Aleister: I've got a name, and it's a boy's name too!
Samuel: (whispering) Antonio! How bout Antonio?
Aleister: His name is Antonio!
Chef: I didn't ask for his name. I asked for yours!
Samuel:
Aleister: Ah-choo.
Chef: Ah-choo?
Samuel: (laughs) I kill myself.
Aleister: (mutters) Samuel.
Chef: Samuel?
Aleister: No!
Chef: Than what is it!?
Samuel: Ping! Ping was my best friend growing up!
Aleister: It's Ping!
Chef: Ping?
Samuel: That's right. Ping did steal my (Aleister cups his hand over Samuel's mouth)
Aleister: Yes, my name is Ping.
Chef: Let me see you application. (Reads) Fa Zhu. The Fa Zhu?
Chris: I didn't know Fa Zhu had a son!
Aleister: He ... doesn't talk about me much. (Spits on the ground, but takes a while)
Chris: I can see why. The boy's an absolute lunatic!
Kaden: Hey Amazi!
Amazi (infuriated): Have you seen Azami?
Kaden (confused): Well, I can see you right now?
Azami: No no no no. Not me me. The me that isn't me!
Kaden: Uhh...
Azami: You know, "blah blah blah Kaden is so amazing, hearts, unicorn, and rainbows BLAH!" That me.
Kaden (rubs the back of his neck): Well, gosh. I guess I could say yes, I have.
Azami: WHERE?!
Kaden: Nowhere. I mean, not today.
Azami: UGH! Well, if I come back and I have a flower in my hair, YOU TELL ME!
(Azami runs off and mutters): Talk to Jaime, then win, talk to Jaime, then win. WIN WIN WIN
(Azami returns)
Azami (flirtatious): Hi Kaden!
Kaden: Uh, hey Azami. You have a flower in your hair.
Azami (giggles): I know.
Kaden: Okay, you're kinda scaring me.
Azami: Oh, I could just stare at you all day~
Kaden: Uh huh
Daniel: Lena Kane, you are too lat- wait. Is it eleven o'clock yet? (Checks watch) Wait. (Waits a few seconds, Lena is still standing there). NOW! Now it is too late!
Freya: My parents are both the absolute worst, and I'm literally flawless.
Jaime(sarcastically): Perfection must be a recessive gene.
Azami: YOU'RE SO ANNOYING! I CAN'T BELIEVE I ALLIED WITH YOU!
Kaden: I'M ANNOYING?! YOU'RE THE ONE WHO CHEATED!
Azami: WELL, YEAH… BUT YOU CHEATED FIRST!
Jaime: Um, I think maybe we're done with Uno for tonight…
(Kaden makes something for Lucien)
Lucien (holds it up dramatically): Dude, it's almost like . . . too beautiful to eat.
Lucien: But I must, for that's my destiny.
Helen: Hello Barnard.
Barnard: Uh, yes. Is your refrigerator running?
Helen: Uh, we don't have a refrigerator.
Barnard: Then you better go catch it?
Helen: . . .
Barnard: I thought you said that would be funny.
Azami: It was. You looked stupid!
Freya: Hey, what's your number real quick?
Sherwood: visibly texting I don't have a phone.
Freya: Out of my way, background characters.
Sherwood: Stop calling people background characters just because you don't know them.
Lucien: You know what they say about Bigfoot.
Freya: Don't you mean big feet-?
Lucien: They'll try to tell you that he isn't real, but I've seen-!
Freya: I hate when I'm hot and someone tells me to 'take my jacket off.' Like, no bitch, this is my outfit.
Lucien: My mind is going a mile an hour.
Freya: That fast?
Freya: Humility. I like it.
Freya: I, too, am extraordinarily humble.
Freya: I don't post selfies.
Freya: I post masterpieces.
Freya: Fucking shit I'm so hot. Jesus Christ
Daniel: Beauty isn't real
Freya: But I am.
(Twilight with Samuel going on a Nui Kaua date in Playa de Losers)
Twilight: Table for two
Sherwood: Who are you?
Twilight: It's me!
Sherwood: Me who?
Twilight: Twilight! Twilight Church!
Sherwood: You're not on the list, you should've made a reservation yesterday!
Twilight: This restaurant didn't exist yesterday! I demand to be let in right now!
Sherwood(to Molly): Good evening, miss.
(Molly with Aleister)
Molly: Uh, I forgot to make a (hand Sherwood a wad of cash) reservation.
Sherwood: No problem.
Twilight: Did you just let her BRIBE YOU?
Sherwood: She didn't bribe me. She just caught my attention in a monetary fashion.
Barnard: Hey, Hey Jaime-
Jaime: Shut up, you moron!
Barnard: Okay. I will shut my mouth! Because I know….what we need right now...is complete and utter silence! And so I will provide such things, by making...no noise...whatsoever!
Jaime: I am going to strangle you!
Barnard: Say not another thing my companion, for I know...that this has always been my destiny!
Jaime(noticing other hunters in the area): What the fuck? Shit…
Barnard: I WAS BORN TO BE THE QUIETEST INDIVIDUAL WHO HAS EVER LIVED! AND THUS, I WILL SILENCE MYSELF! I WILL QUELL MY WORDS! AND YOU WILL HERE NOT A THING FROM-
*gets shot with paintball*
AN: Mwahahahaha, APRIL FOOLS YA GOOFS
Which meme conversation was your favorite? Mine was the ending one!
AN2: Discord link on Profile.
AN3: Thank you for reading and laughing along ^.^