Paradox

Disclaimer: I own nothing in regard to GWTW

Author's Notes: Moon FireStar wrote me this comment in a PM.

Some values don't change. And that was a big thing with Scarlett. Despite what most people think I don't think she would of broke her wedding vows. And if Ashley did decide to run away with her, she would have no longer respected him.

I agreed. Scarlett was always holding Ashley up to Rhett as good and honorable. If he ever did something blatantly dishonorable – like ask her to run away with him – she would have lost all respect for him. She would have seen that her hero had feet of clay.

Ashley Wilkes is OOC ... or is he.

Ashley Wilkes was sitting at the office at the sawmill. He was thinking about his life. He was about to turned thirty-five. A good time to reflect on one's life. He thought about that last barbecue at Twelve Oaks. That day when he had thought his perfect life would continue forever. He had been preached to all his life about honor and duty. About doing what one should do not what one wanted to do. He had chosen Melanie over Scarlett. He had chosen his cousin because it was expected of him. He had chosen Melly because they were compatible. He had chosen her because she was a proper lady and there would never be a hint of scandal about her. She had been perfect, boringly perfect.

Yet it had been Scarlett that he had really wanted. He had thought he would get over Scarlett. That Scarlett was just a foolish love of a young man. No, he had never felt the passion for Melly that he had felt for Scarlett. That he still felt for Scarlett. He had never been able to let Scarlett go. Not letting her go was probably the one dishonorable thing he had done in his entire life.

He had gone to war even though he didn't believe in the war. He hadn't even believed in the cause. He would never tell anyone, but he didn't believe in one man owning another man. The war had been horrible. He had to order men to their deaths just to gain a foot or two of ground. He had almost been relieved to have been captured for he foolishly thought he would just sit out the rest of the war.

His time at Rock Island had been awful. When they offered him a chance to leave that hellhole he had chosen to stay for honor. He had done things and endure things no man should have to do or endure.

When he had returned from the war, he had known it would not be the same, but he guessed deep in his heart he had thought it would be the same. When Scarlett had come to him in the orchard and begged him to run away to Mexico, he had been so tempted. Not just to leave the misery and desolation that was the South but to be with Scarlett. His passion for Scarlett had not abated in the least. Scarlett who was still so alive and determined. He had stayed because of honor and guilt because Melanie was so sick from having borne his son. He had also thought that as sickly as Melanie was, she would not survive much longer. He then could be with Scarlett in an honorable way.

As he thought about it maybe he had committed two dishonorable acts in his lifetime. Allowing Scarlett to go to Atlanta to sell herself to Rhett Butler wasn't very honorable at all. Part of him had foolishly thought that knowing Scarlett had sold herself to Rhett Butler would have broken the hold she had on him. She had ended up marrying Frank Kennedy instead. Her being married to Frank had not broken her hold on him. He suffered a lot of shame knowing it was his fault she was married to that old man.

When she begged him to come to work for her in Atlanta, he thought he was finally going to have the strength to let her go but he hadn't. When Melanie had stated all the reasons that it was his duty to go to Atlanta and help Scarlett. He had once again not done what he had really wanted to do but what had been expected of him.

He had not wanted to be part of the Clan, but everyone acted like if he was any kind of a gentleman, he would be a member of the Clan. He had not wanted to go on that raid on Shantytown to defend Scarlett's honor. He had known someone was going to die. Part of him had wanted to die. He knew he had just been existing. He had just been going through the motions of living. He had strived to survive because he still had hope he and Scarlett could be together.

His only happiness in those days were stolen moments with Scarlett. Moments of going over the books together. Moments of her looking at him with worshipping eyes. Then he had heard the awful news that his Scarlett was going to marry that blackhearted unreceived bastard Rhett Butler. He was so filled with despair, but he hoped she was finally moving on. That was the only way what was between them was going to end because he could never send her away. He needed her too much for that.

He had hoped that knowing she had relations with Rhett Butler would diminish her worth to him, but it hadn't. Watching her get bigger and bigger with Butler's child had not lessened her worth to him either. When she came to the mills that day after Bonnie's birth and she had looked at him with so much adoration the words just burst forth from him. He had finally recovered himself and started behaving like a gentleman again. He could not regret the words he had spoken though. When he found out that the Butlers were no longer sleeping together it had thrilled him to no end. He knew she had done that for him. He knew she was still his. It had given him the courage to go on with his miserable life.

He heard a noise outside and there in front of him was his Scarlett. She was smiling at him. She was looking at him with an adoring look. It made him so happy he laughed out loud. They talked about the surprise party. He started talking about their time before the war.

He said, "I can never forget how lovely you looked in that green dress that day the war started."

"Thank you."

"I would think about you in that dress when I was at Rock Island, and it would give me strength to carry on."

"Why, Ashley, that is so flattering."

"I should have married you instead of Melanie."

"Do you really feel that way Ashley?"

"Yes, my being married to Melanie is like being married to my sister. If I had married you, every day would be exciting."

"Ashley, I feel the same way."

Scarlett still loved him. Ashley decided to stop wasting his life staying true to the Southern way of life that was long gone. He decided that it wasn't too late for them to run away to Mexico.

Excitedly Ashley said, "My dear, let's run away together. We can sell the mills and with the profits we can live a nice life together in Mexico."

"Ashley don't tease. I know you are too honorable to leave Melanie."

"No, I'm not. I am finally going to start enjoying my life. I am no longer going to be bound by honor. I am going to choose to be with the person I have always wanted to be with."

Scarlett thought, 'My dream is finally coming true. Ashley and I are going to be together.'

Scarlett didn't know why but she asked, "Who would take care of Melanie and Beau?"

"Someone. Anyone. Maybe even Captain Butler. He has always been overly fond of Melly."

Scarlett thought, "The nerve of this man to give Melly my husband. How dare he?"

Ashley stood up and said, "I know I have shocked you but isn't this what you have always wanted. This was your suggestion when we were in the orchard that day. That day that I should have accepted your offer, but I let my damn honor get in the way of my happiness."

"Ashley this is so wonderful. You have made my dream come true."

"So, you will find a buyer for the mills?"

Ashley reached out to give her a hug and Scarlett avoided the hug. She said, "Yes, I hear someone coming. We will talk more about this later."

Her mind was in a whirl. She couldn't stop smiling she was so very happy. Scarlett smiled at India, Mrs. Elsing and even Archie. She said to Ashley, "Your ride is here."

Scarlett walked rapidly from the office.

Ashley smiled as he watched her walk away. He was finally happy after so many years. They would sell the mills and then they could escape to Mexico.

While Ashley was planning his future with Scarlett, Scarlett was planning their future also. They hadn't talked about their children. She guessed Ashley was willing to leave his son. She guessed she could leave her children also. Rhett would take good care of them. That made her sad to think about leaving her children. She did love them. But being with Ashley would make it worthwhile. That restored her good mood almost.

When she thought about selling the mills, it made her sad. She didn't want to sell her mills. She had spent too much time and energy building up her businesses to throw all that away. When she thought of a lifetime with Ashley it made her happy again yet not as happy as before.

One thing she did know was that she was not running away to Mexico. She didn't speak Spanish. She wouldn't want to live anywhere they didn't speak English. They could run away to Texas. She felt better.

She went to play with her children in the nursery. To ease her conscience about leaving her children behind, she would spend as much time with them as she could until she left. She talked to Wade and Ella. They answered her but they were shy and skittish. Bonnie was her daughter. The child was bold and forward. She spent the afternoon with the children. She looked at Ella and decided that she couldn't leave Ella behind. Ella didn't have anyone but her. Rhett would take care of Ella, but she would always be second in comparison to Bonnie. No, Ella would have to go with her. Wade had Melly and it would be comforting to Melly to have Wade after Ashley left. No, Wade loved her too much for her to leave him behind. It would be emotionally too hard on Wade if he lost both his parents. No, Wade would have to go with her also. She looked at Bonnie. Bonnie who looked just like her. Bonnie her favorite. No, she couldn't leave Bonnie behind either.

She wasn't leaving any of her children although if she took her children that would cause a lot of problems. She knew without a doubt that if she took Bonnie, Rhett would use all his considerable money to find his child. He would never quit looking for Bonnie. Ever.

She knew in that moment that Rhett would never let her go either. He would track her down to the ends of the earth. Simply because he would never let her leave him. No, it was too late for her and Ashley to run away together. Now that the decision was made, she felt better. She wasn't aware that she felt relief more than sadness about not getting to run away with Ashley. Scarlett didn't know it because she was not that aware of her own feelings but her feelings for Ashley had done a shift change.

She didn't leave the playroom even when she heard Rhett returning from the bank. When Rhett entered the playroom, all the children squealed and rushed to greet him. Scarlett stood up and smiled at Rhett. She said, "I am going to get ready for supper. What time do you want to leave to go to the Wilkes?"

"Never."

"We must attend. Melly would be so disappointed if we didn't show up."

"And the honorable Mr. Wilkes too, I'm sure."

The thought that flashed through Scarlett's head was, 'He's not so honorable.' Scarlett smiled and said, "Is seven alright? We can go right after supper."

Rhett was surprised Scarlett didn't respond to his comment about Wilkes. He said, "Let's make it seven-thirty. I want to make sure Bonnie is asleep before we leave."

"Alright. I will see you at supper."

When Scarlett heard Rhett call Ashley the honorable Mr. Wilkes, she had felt such sadness. The sadness of accepting a truth that one has never wanted to accept. Ashley was not the man she had always thought he was. He wasn't a god among men. He was a mere mortal man without even the strength of will, to maintain his beliefs. Scarlett knew with brand new awareness Ashley had never believed in his heart in the southern gentleman code of honor. He just hadn't been brave, enough to go against the crowd. No, he had hid behind it like the coward that he was. A coward that was afraid of living in the real world.

They attended the party and most of the people didn't speak to Scarlett, but she didn't care. She was tired of these pious hypocrites. People who claimed honor and being proper was more important than making money like her aunts. Her two-faced aunts who never failed to criticize her yet never hesitated to cash her checks.

Scarlett was also disgusted by the matrons fawning over Rhett. Scarlett knew every one of these women knew Rhett spent his nights at The Painted Lady, yet they were willing to overlook his misdeeds. She guessed they hated her more than they hated Rhett which was also amazing to Scarlett. She had just been living her own life while Rhett had gone out of his way to aggravate the good people of Atlanta during the war and afterwards. She was used to it. Women always hated her and loved to gossip about her.

As she listened to Rhett talk to the matrons, she realized what an incredibly good liar he was. She suddenly realized with an extreme certainty Rhett had lied to her most of their entire relationship. It made her think of all the times he had denied loving her. She also knew why Rhett hated Ashley. Rhett was jealous of Ashley, not as she had once thought because Ashley was everything Rhett wasn't but because Rhett loved her. He had a very strange way of showing it, but he did.

As they were singing 'He's a jolly good fellow.' Scarlett knew that all of her feelings of love for Ashley were gone. She had loved him because he was so good and honorable, and she knew now he was not good or honorable. She didn't even respect him anymore. He was alright with running away from his responsibilities toward Melanie and Beau. Yes, she had been willing to run away from her responsibilities that January day after the war, but she had never pretended to be good or honorable. The truth was that she was the one that was good and honorable because despite it all she had never run away from her duties and the people who needed her. She had sacrificed her reputation for those people. She had wanted to run away so many times, but she hadn't.

As they got in the carriage to go back to the mansion, Scarlett said, "What do you want to do for our anniversary next week?"

"Are you suggesting we spend our anniversary together?"

"I thought it would be something different."

Rhett actually smiled at Scarlett's statement. He said, "I suppose we could go out to supper."

"And dancing. We haven't been dancing in a long time."

"No, we haven't."

Rhett just stared at Scarlett. Rhett had not failed to notice that Scarlett had not spoken to Mr. Wilkes at all at the party except to wish him a Happy Birthday. She stayed by his side almost the entire time except when she spoke to Miss Melly.

"We really have two anniversaries in April. The day we got married and the day we met."

Rhett smiled and said, "Yes, we do. It was ten years ago that we met."

"Who would have thought we would have gotten married after the way we began."

"I wouldn't have."

"Of course, you wouldn't. You weren't a marrying man then. Now look at you. A husband and a father."

"Am I a husband, Mrs. Butler?"

"Yes, you are Mr. Butler."

"Don't most husbands share a bed with their wives?"

Scarlett ignored Rhett and said, "Are we going out for our anniversary? It is next Saturday."

Rhett smiled and said, "Sure. Let's do something different and spend our anniversary together."

Rhett and Scarlett did go out for their anniversary the next Saturday. Scarlett met Rhett in the parlor. She thought he looked very handsome. Rhett thought her dress was too low cut and was too tight. His brain may not have approved of her choice of gowns, but his nether regions thought it was an excellent choice. Rhett wondered if he gave her too much champagne, could he get her to welcome him back into her bed. If she did, he would never move out again. Rhett thought, 'Yes, a lot of champagne and my special kiss and I will be back into the master bedroom.'

Rhett knew Scarlett was with him the entire time. They had supper, they went dancing, and when they got home Rhett said, "Do you want a nightcap?

Scarlett said, "Yes." She was hoping he would just seduce her so she wouldn't have to ask him back.

After they finished their drinks as they were leaving the dining room, Scarlett fell into Rhett. She giggled and said, "I think I have drunken too much. Will you help me to my room?"

"Of course. You know I am always the gentleman."

Scarlett giggled and they walked up the stairs with her arm linked in his. When they got to her door, Rhett said, "Let me help you with your corset? I promise I won't do anything else."

Scarlett's mind was screaming, 'Please be lying.'

Rhett loosened her corset. He pulled her back against him by sliding his hands across her stomach. He let her feel all his need and desire. She just laid back against him. When she didn't pull away, Rhett wasn't as fearful of being rejected. He turned her around and kissed her the way he had kissed her when he asked her to marry him. She kissed him back and wrapped her arms around his neck. He pulled back and looked into her face and what he saw there made him kiss her again. He walked her to the bed while she was helping him take off his clothes. They both were so excited that they didn't get all their clothes off before they were joined together.

The night was wonderful. Rhett had been loving and coaxing. He had not made her feel anything less than a lady. He, in fact, had made her feel loved and cherished which Scarlett so desperately wanted in that moment. She finally had what she had wanted and had not known she had wanted for over two years. Her husband in her bed loving her and wanting her.

The next morning Scarlett was awoken by Rhett. He had smiled and said, "Good morning, Mrs. Butler." He had not let her speak. He had flooded her with feelings and emotions. In that moment life was incredibly good for Scarlett Butler. After everything was said and done as they were laying there together Scarlett said, "A very good morning, Mr. Butler. You need to have another child, or you will spoil our daughter beyond repair. She is already close to becoming a little brat."

Rhett stared at Scarlett. If she wanted to pretend that the only reason, she asked him to leave her bedroom was so she wouldn't get pregnant then he for once wasn't going to rock the boat.

"Although I find our daughter delightful, if you want to make her a sibling, I am glad to help with the project."

Scarlett had not asked Rhett to be faithful to her because she knew he was going to do what he wanted to do. She would not ask him about his activities for the last two years. Her husband being faithful was never something she thought he would do.

Rhett had still been faithful to Scarlet in the two years they had been apart. He guessed he still had some honor and commitment in him. He just couldn't be with another woman. The truth was he didn't want anyone but his wife.

That afternoon when she came home for dinner, Rhett had moved all of his things back into the master bedroom. Bonnie's bed had been moved back into the nursery. All Scarlett had done was look at Rhett with a questioning look. He had said, "Maybe she is becoming a little bit like a brat."

Rhett made sure that every night Bonnie went to sleep in the nursery. If Bonnie woke up in the night, Rhett coaxed her back to sleep in her little bed. Scarlett stopped having nightmares with Rhett sleeping with her.

Rhett didn't know what was going on between Mr. Wilkes and his wife. He hadn't seen her get the dreamy look on her face since before Ashley's birthday party. And definitely not since they had started sleeping together again.

Rhett had been staying home now that he was sleeping with Scarlett again. He decided to test the waters. He said to Scarlett one night after the children were asleep, "The building boom is coming to an end here in Atlanta."

"How do you know?"

"The best time to make money on a civilization rebuilding itself is the first five years of rebuilding."

"I don't want to sell my mills. They are such a gold mine."

"Think about it."

"Yes, I will."

"If you do decide to sell the mills, I know of a man who would like to buy them. He is a Yankee, so he has the money."

The next day she thought of nothing else. Ashley's mill was never going to make a profit because he was too incompetent. She didn't want to think about what Johnny was doing to the convicts. The demand for lumber was still high which meant she could get a good price if she sold the mills now. Rhett was very smart about financial matters. She would still have the store. She could get Ashley to sell now while he still thought she was going to run away with him. She could buy a couple of cotton gins. Yes, she would do it.

Within the next month Scarlett and Ashley sold the mills to Rhett's Yankee acquaintance. As they were leaving Uncle Henry's office, Ashley said, "I think we should leave my share of the proceeds from selling the mills with Melanie, so she has something to live on. At least for a while."

If Scarlett had not been finished with Ashley that statement would definitely have killed any feelings, she might have had for him. It appalled her that any man would be willing to live off of a woman. She smiled and thought, 'That is what he has been doing since he moved to Atlanta, after all.' Scarlett said, "Are you saying that we are going to live on my money?"

"It will only be for a little while. Just until I can get a job."

"Ashley, I have thought about this and thought about this. I haven't hardly thought about anything else. Rhett would never let me leave him."

Ashley was stunned. He had thought of little else but him and Scarlett finally being together. He could not believe that Scarlett was saying she couldn't go. She had been waiting for him for ten years. He said, "We could be in Mexico before he even knew you were gone."

Ashley watched as she got a handkerchief out of her purse. She dabbed at her eyes. She had made up at story to tell Ashley. Scarlett said, "I don't know how but Rhett knew I was thinking about leaving him. Sometimes I think the man can read my mind. It was strange the way he did it. He encircled my neck with his hand and started stroking right here," She pointed at her trachea. She continued, "He whispered in my ear. He told me that he would never let me go. He would kill me before he let me leave him. So, my dear, there is no point in us going to Mexico together. We would never be able to be happy. Rhett would be hounding us forever. He would never let up."

"We could just keep running until he got tired of chasing us."

"Ashley the only thing that would stop Rhett from chasing me down would be his death or mine. I'm sorry. We will just have to remain star-crossed lovers like Romeo and Juliet."

As Scarlett walked away, Ashley didn't know how but he knew that Scarlett would never be his. Somehow, he had lost her love and admiration and he had no idea how. He had given her what he thought she had always wanted. Ashley didn't understand that his relationship with Scarlett had always been a paradox. She thought she loved and admired him because he was good and honorable and when he offered to run away with her, he had showed her that he wasn't good or honorable. The truth was that Scarlett had truly only wanted Ashley because she couldn't have him. Once she had him, he was no longer of any value to her.

Ashley had been all set to leave Atlanta and the South and now he would not go back to his boring hum-drum life. Within the month the Wilkes had moved to New York. Ashley's college friend was able to get him a job in a bank as the assistant manager. When Scarlett heard the news, she wasn't even sad. Her only thought had been, 'Wade is going to miss Beau.' Rhett was pleased that Mr. Wilkes was moving to New York although Rhett didn't think it mattered to Scarlett one way or the other. He hoped Mr. Wilkes could finally be his own man in New York.

Scarlett was spending the mornings with Rhett and the children. Scarlett started going to the store when Rhett went to the bank. Before the harvest started the family went to Tara, even Rhett. It made Scarlett so incredibly happy.

They were getting along so well. Rhett had stopped being cruel and mean. Scarlett had started paying attention to him. As Scarlett started focusing on Rhett, he became a pleasant companion. He would always be aggravating and teasing but he stopped being cruel and hateful. She had started heeding his advice. She stopped hanging out with the Scallawags.

As Scarlett spent more and more time with her children, she slowly became an involved mother. When the weather turned cooler, Rhett knew that Scarlett didn't want anyone but him sitting in his chair or sleeping in her bed. Rhett still wanted Scarlett's love, but he finally decided that maybe she just wasn't ever going to love him. He had grown to accept it. For once he was going to settle for good enough. What they had was good, pretty damn good.

He wanted so much more from Scarlett, but he decided that she didn't have any more to give him. He finally decided that it just wasn't in her to love another person. She was just too selfish and self-centered to love anyone else. She certainly hadn't love Ashley. She didn't love her children that deeply.

She was focused on him as a man. She was always so happy to see him, and she seemed to enjoy being in his company. She certainly enjoyed their activities at night. He knew he was the most important man if not person in her life besides herself, of course.

Rhett stopped going to Belle's at night instead they went places together. They were always going somewhere. Occasionally they went to social events being given by the gentry of Atlanta. Scarlett never left his side, ignored the snide comments made at her expense, and didn't speak to anyone but him. Scarlett had accepted after Ashley's birthday party that women just hated her and always would. They hated her for being the one and only incredible Scarlett O'Hara.

By the time Christmas came along they were a couple that got along. They acted like an old married couple. They were just comfortable around each other. Scarlett had not gotten pregnant after a year of them resuming their marital relations. The couple was not unhappy with this development. Rhett would have liked to have more children, but Scarlett didn't, so it was nice that she hadn't gotten pregnant. Although much to Scarlett's frustration she gained an inch in her waist without even having a child.

On February 1st Scarlett opened another location of Kennedy's. Expanding Kennedy's is what she had decided to spend the profits from the mills on. Rhett was happy for her. She so did enjoy running a business.

The next two weeks she had spend long hours at the store getting all the bugs worked out. On the morning of February 14th Scarlett stopped by Rhett's office on her way out of the house. She said, "Where are we going tonight?"

"I didn't know we were going anywhere."

"Rhett it is Valentine's Day. Of course, we are going out to supper at least. Although I would like to go dancing also."

"I thought you would be too busy with the new store to have time to go out."

"Not have time to go out with my husband on Valentine's Day. Rhett sometimes you are so silly. I even bought a new dress. Got to go. I will be ready to go by six, I promise."

She kissed him and walked out of his office.

Rhett just sat there at his desk smiling like a silly fool. It touched him that she was making time for him. That she was putting him before her businesses. No, it may not be love but it was pretty damn close. He got up and put his coat on. He was going to have to find some place nice to get a reservation at. He was sure money would be changing hands. Rhett was still smiling as he left the house.

For their anniversary in seventy-two Rhett took Scarlett out to supper and dancing. As he was swirling her around the dance floor, Scarlett said, "Do you remember what you said to me the first time we danced?"

"That I wanted you to tell me you loved me."

"I love you, Rhett."

"I love you, Scarlett. I always have."

"I know," She preened and added, "Every man always does."

Rhett roared with laughter. Rhett didn't know what Mr. Wilkes had done to lose Scarlett's love but Rhett was so very glad that Mr. Wilkes had done it.

Epilog

In June of seventy-three the Butlers had a life altering event happened. They welcome their second daughter, Elizabeth Rose, into their home. She looked just like her mother even with the green eyes. Her father was over the moon. Her older sisters were ecstatic. Her older brother could care less.

Mammy was thinking, 'Yes, just like Mrs. Wilkes always said any day a baby is born is a good day.'