A New Journey
...Time had stopped for both of them. They were looking at each others exhausted, tiring self with a kind of bored expression. Both were known to each others pain, their condition and also the turmoil of emotions going inside their minds. And knew what the other one was thinking or wanting to listen but they didn't know what to speak, how to speak.
"You are okay?" Tarika was first to break the silence.
Abhijeet was looking at her without blinking. It took time for him to understand her statement. He slowly nodded.
"You?" He asked with a small voice
"Fine." Tarika answered shortly. She wanted to ask so many things but she decided not to voice them. At one hand she's not sure if he was ready to talk and on the other hand she was afraid of his rejection. Yet once again.
"Tarika," Abhijeet cleared his voice.
She was looking at her fingers for a while but with her name being called she looked up, with hopes in her eyes.
"I was scared." Abhijeet stated, gulping his saliva. Only thinking about it was giving him chills.
Tarika stayed quiet. She decided to let him talk. None of his words gonna make her think otherwise. She's known to his feelings. She had seen them. There's no use of denial. She's just going to listen. She's not going to talk back. Abhijeet can never justify his acts as mere concern or care. Even he might know it. Still, let him try.
"I had never been this scared in my entire life." He gulped again. "I didn't know the intensity of my feelings myself."
He's accepting! She couldn't believe her ears.
"I was vulnerable. I.. I acted without thinking. You... you might not have liked the way I touch... be.. behaved with you. I.. I'm sorry "
Tarika was looking at him straight, piercing him with her tough and steady gaze. She didn't move or talk.
"And also, don't count on it." Abhijeet continued, "I have been running from my feelings for a long time. I shouldn't have been caught like this. But, I am sorry." He paused looking down and then again looked at her, "it doesn't change the fact that I do not belong to you, or you to me."
His voice cracked. He looked at her hopefully. He wished her to understand him. He didn't knew what he would answer if she asked why he was saying it, if she asked why was he running from her. He didn't have answers for them. Or perhaps he had but that didn't gonna be enough for her.
He waited and waited for her response.
Tarika looked away after few moments with a sigh. She chuckled. That was better than what she thought. She felt completely drained and couldn't find any energy to talk back. They both had gone through a lot today. Let's just get some peace. She could pass the night even the week with that soothing feeling of him loving her so intensely before she spoke to him about it. Moreover, he needed rest.
Tarika nodded with assurance. Abhijeet was shocked with her response. It wasn't certainly that easy. But then he realized, making someone to love you was easier than making the person accepting his love. But, was it really? Was he really that tough? Why was he wanting to become weak. Why was he wishing to be pushed, to be forced. Why was he wanting not to be scared?
"You... " Abhijeet stammered, surprised.
"I what?" Tarika asked.
Composing himself Abhijeet shook his head.
"Nothing. Thanks."
Tarika wanted to smile at him but it felt like her lips were sealed. It wasn't easy.
Her heart was aching to get a hug from him. But she couldn't ask. She couldn't act.
"Tarika!!!"
A known voice hit her ear drams making her to turn around. A few meters away from her was standing Robbie, with the same expression of worriness and careness, exhausted and at the same time brimming in happiness at the sight of her. Tarika found herself walking towards him. Robbie took some fast steps and hugged her.
Abhijeet clinched his fists instantly at the sight. But at the next moment he released his grips. Its okay. He wanted this himself. He reminded himself. He needed to be okay with it. And he would be okay with it. Nevertheless, he looked away from them. It was just a few moments but he felt like he had been looking away from them for ages. With the corner of his eyes he tried to have a glance of them only to find them in hug. Yet! He controlled himself.
Breaking the hug Robbie took Tarika's hands in between his palms and looked into her eyes.
"I am so glad to see you okay. I was so so scared Tarika..."
He had been saying more but stopped listening. Her mind was processing the words said by Abhijeet. Robbie was uttering the same words of love and concern but Abhijeet's words had her drawn. She was touched, intimidated by his words and acts deeply. Its another thing that she loved him but she's sure even if she hadn't love any of these two she would have been touched by Abhijeet's words more. His words reflected his helplessness. His eyes asked help from her. His acts begged her to love him. In short he wanted to run away but he also wanted her to hold him back, to make him stay, and to never let him go. Tarika knew. She could feel it.
"Tarika... Tarika." Robbie shook her a little to make her come out of her trance.
"Huh! What were you saying?" Tarika asked.
"I said, I love you."
"What!"
"Yes."
"But Robbie..."
"I know I know you don't feel the same way. But life is too short. Today when I was about to lose you I realized I shouldn't waste my time. Tarika I want to marry you. And I mean it."
"Robbie..."
"I won't force you. I will respect your decision. I will give you time to..."
"I don't need time." Tarika said firmly. She couldn't see Abhijeet standing behind her but she wished him to listen a random guy asking her to marry him. But the very next moment his broken self image passed in front of her eyes and she regretted it. She shouldn't think like this.
"That means you are..."
"Robbie... I have told you, I love someone."
"Yeah, but that someone doesn't love you back."
It's not true. Abhijeet's mind screamed but he stayed calm.
"Doesn't matter." Tarika answered.
Abhijeet was shocked listening her.
"It does Tarika..."
"No Robbie, even if the life is short I will wait for him."
"Tarika.."
Tarika slipped away her hands from his grips.
"Good luck with your life."
"You are doing it wrong."
"May be."
Robbie was broken. He opened his mouth multiple time but couldn't say anything. He was raged, angry. But he controlled. Tears were rolling down his cheeks. Tarika felt bad for him. Yes, there's some moment when she scolded herself saying why couldn't he just love Robbie but right now she wasn't having any sort of thoughts like this. She felt soothed with her messed up feelings. Abhijeet felt worth of her every feelings.
Taking some steps back, still looking at her Robbie sighed.
"Take care Tarika. Good luck with your life too." Robbie kind of run away from there, not wanting to break down in front of her.
And she didn't even feel like stopping him, not even as a friend. It would have been injustice with him she knew. Let him be. He would be fine. She knew he would.
Sad and guilt with herself she turned only to come face to face with Abhijeet. She looked at him for a while and then walked passed him without any words.
Abhijeet didn't traced her. He just stood there, like a lifeless creature with empty mind. Everything that seemed too much for him a while ago suddenly started feeling nothing. As his eyes became heavy he realized he was craving for sleep. He needed to crash into the bed.
0-0-0-0
0-0-0-0
30 minutes later, Tarika found herself in a hug for the 3rd time in that evening. It was her mother this time. She was panicked as well.
"Mom!" Tarika said a bit loudly to stop her from treating her like a kid.
Tarika's mom looked around, embarrassed.
"Sorry."
"What are you doing here?" Tarika asked.
"I was about to surprise you but seems like I am the one being surprised here." Her mom joked.
Tarika's mom is very charming lady. She's a gynaecologist. When Tarika was 11 years old she had lost her father. He was an Army officer. Since then she was raised by her mother alone. Her mother was very free and independent.
"I am fine mom." Tarika rolled her eyes.
"Yeah, I can see that. If you are done here, let's go home."
"Hmm.. yeah... let me ask ACP sir."
"ACP sir has left."
Tarika turned around and saw Abhijeet walking towards them.
"Left?" Tarika asked.
"Yes. We all are leaving. You should go too. I have called a cab." Abhijeet said.
"You are driving?" Tarika asked, concerned.
"Daya's driving."
"Oh."
"Hello, I'am Tarika's mother." Tarika mom finally took the previlage to introduce herself as her daughter seemed quite occupied with her own.
"Namastey Aunty." Abhijeet greeted her.
"Oh sorry. Mom, this is..."
"Abhijeet. I know." Mom smiled.
"You know?"
"Yeah... Tasha has sent me pictures of the team. And she talked about Abhijeet a lot." Mom smiled.
Abhijeet chuckled, for the first time in that evening. Tarika smiled too.
"Not so flattering stuff i guess." Abhijeet said.
"I haven't heard her talking flattering stuff ever." Tarika's mom shrugged.
"I am sure she doesn't."
Suddenly the moment got lighten.
"Let's go mom." Tarika said.
As she started walking she slowed down due to pain.
"You okay Beta?"
"Yeah mom... just a bit pain."
"Let me help you." Abhijeet proceeded to help.
"It's okay Abhijeet." Tarika denied politely.
Abhijeet nodded.
Tarika's mom leaded her towards the cab and they left.
0-0-0-0
0-0-0-0
Tarika was lying on her bed with her eyes fixed on celling but her mind was travelling in that messy room. She had run that scenes thousands times on her mind by now and still it wasn't enough for her. She should talk about it with Abhijeet. How could she just let him talk those rubbish and stood there like that? How could she be so stupid? She could have hugged him at least and said that it was okay. He was in need of a hug she could feel it yet she walked away. Was she ragged? Or only shocked? She needed to talk. But she remembered a line of Earnest Hemingway.
'You will lose it if you talk about it.'
This was exactly how she was feeling right now. She wanted to keep the feeling intact and she's afraid talking about it would ruin it.
"Tarika.." Her mom called from her side. She was lying beside her. "Sleep beta."
"I can't sleep mom." Tarika's eyes became teary.
"Is it because of today's incident? Are you scared?"
Tarika looked at her mother.
"I am very scared mom." Tarika said meaningfully.
Her mom was talking about the disaster but looking at Tarika she could tell what she was talking about. She smiled a little.
"Falling in love is scary dear. But if the person is worth enough its worth to fall."
Tarika looked at her mother, surprised.
"How do-"
"I know."
"Tasha? "
"No. She didn't. I saw it myself today."
Tarika hugged her mother and cried. She was tired of dealing with her emotions alone. She's tired of hiding it as well.
"Is he worth of your tears?" Her mother asked.
"He's worth of everything mom. I was wrong. I was wrong about him. He loves me a lot."
"Did he say he loves you?"
Tarika broke the hug.
"Is it necessary mom, to express in words?" Tarika pleaded.
"He didn't that means." Her mom concluded.
"Doesn't matter to me." Tarika tried to explain.
"And it shouldn't either."
Tarika looked at her mother, surprised.
"If his actions are so intense to make you believe that he loves you then he's worth of your tears and also your fears." Her mother smiled.
Tarika wiped away her tears and smiled.
"You okay with it?"
"I am okay with whatever makes you happy."
"But he makes me cry." Tarika complained
"Intentionally?"
"No," Tarika shook her head, "but he keep running away from me "
"Some people are afraid to be loved Tarika."
"Why would someone be afraid being loved? "
"Because they believe they won't be able to do justice with your feelings."
"But, this is insane!"
"It is."
"He is insane!" Tarika said, annoyingly.
Her mother smiled
"Now sleep."
"Mom... I think I have to wait long to make him accept me completely. I am not even sure if he would accept me ever."
"Don't worry, I won't pressurize you. Take your time." Her mother laughed.
Tarika smiled and slept with a smile.
Here, on the other hand Abhijeet was awake replaying the same scene again and again in his mind. He was in anticipation of what the next day would bring for him.
KK: I am so sorry for updating late. I was so busy and also having a hard time controlling my overflowing emotions. This sucks you know. Anyways, the story is about to be finished in next few chapters. I have exam at the end of this month. So, I dont promise updates but will try my best.
Also, I need some help. I need an addiction. 9 years ago when i joined ff, reading ff had become an addiction for me. And later when I started writing i found my passion in it. I had to shift my passion afterwards though. After 9 years, i want something new to keep me occupied like this ff did to me. Sure, i still love reading fic here but its not like i have seen a new story n i have to read it now any more. I can wait to read. And this wait is depressing. I want to indulge myself into something for which i cant wait. This may sound insane but i need something like this to survive. Growing up sucks. Don't grow up.
Please review for this kind of boring chapter.