Waiting was boring.

Lizy and Lops still had to though. Mom said that they had to be good or they wouldn't get any nice junk food and they never got junk food!

"Why we come in big van?" Lops grumped.

"Mom said so," Lizy explained.

"Yea, but car have video in back." Lops pointed at the very obvious lack of a screen in the seat back before them. "Van not have anything."

"Yea," Lizy sighed. "No play games, no watch Blarney or Cartoons."

"No even play with toys." Lops grumped again.

"That cause you lose them in here." Lizy grumped back.

"You lose them too!" Lops pointed at Lizy with a nasty face. "Lose together!"

Lizy tried to grump back again, but Lops wasn't lying so Lizy just talked about something else. "… Still want Blarney."

Lops looked grouchy, but talked anyway. "Yea. But no Blarney."

"… Wish Mom let us watch on the phone."

"But we break phone! How we watch?"

"Mom get new face for phone." Lizy remembered. "She talk to man on phone!"

Lops looked confused. "When that?"

"Today, after food." Lizy remembered, Lizy was meant to be watching cartoons but it was a boring one so she went to go find Mom and Mom was talking on the phone. "She talk to man and say we go see him at park."

"That really why we go out?" Lops folded her arms.

"Think so." Lizy nodded.

"Want watch cartoons!" Lops pouted. "Or do plants."

"You do plants before?"

"Yea, but want do plants more." Lops wiggled her fingers, "is mulch day. Get to touch worms!"

"Worms!?" Lizy jumped up excited; worms were really cool and gross! "Yea, we go do plants!"

"Yea!" Lops cheered, then flopped down a little as she remembered. "But have to see man first. Have to wait-"

WHAP!

Both the girls yelped in shock as something slapped into the window next to Lops.

A heavy shadow fell over them as Lops scooted back as far her special seat would go, and as brave and big as she was; Lizy couldn't help but feel scared as a man pushed themselves against the window- all dark and non-seeable because the sun was behind them.

But Lizy's eyes were too good, and they quickly let her see enough to see the big toothy smile as his mouth opened wide and a muffled voice went through the door!

"HIIIII KIIIDSSS!"

Lana Loud had a pretty good life all things considered.

She had a big, loving family that she still saw on a regular basis in her adulthood, two sort-of-friends, sort-of romantic partners in the form of her housemates and a stable and lucrative career as a plumber that let her go through all the grime and goo her inner dirty six year old could ever want!

Okay, maybe not quite that much- her inner six year old was a gator-wrestling, dumpster-diving little mudaholic, nothing short of working in sewage would satisfy that itch and she and the McCann family didn't see eye-to-eye after the Old Sloshie incident (that Chandler started, for the record).

Oh… and there was something else she was forgetting…

Something small, but Loud twice over…

Her fingers lazily reached out from her morning-musings, brushing against her sheets in search of-

Tap.

Lana frowned in confusion as her fingertips touched her wall, and her eyes opened to a room filled with organised clutter, a few dozing pets of the non-venomous variety in cages (more for the pets safety than anything else) and a distinct lack of tiny humans.

"… eh?" She was sure they'd climbed in last night…

The blonde plumber jerked up to reveal her semi-nude form as the blankets fell from her torso (Lana didn't like sleeping in a bra and thing got in the way if one of the girls wanted a late-night snack anyway). Her eyes adjusted while her hands searched nearby- but again neither of her twins were anywhere to be found either in her own sleeping place or the crib resting against the wall.

"Where the heck-"

The sound of a sizzle caught her attention, and her stomach rumbled as the scent of freshly fried bacon awakened the infinite pit of her blue-collar worker's stomach. A set of high pitched voices and a tinny beat pierced through the crack of her slightly open door to confirm her suspicions.

A smile cracked across her face and the plumber hopped out of her bed to see the morning ruckus in person.

"Bacon!" a certain onesie clad dinosaur-lover demanded from her high chair.

"Yea, Bacon!" Her slightly shorter counterpart echoed, little specs of dirt discolouring her hair to show someone had already taken her to 'do plants' that morning.

"Yeah, yeah, comin' right up!" Skippy nodded along with a smile from the cooktop, eggs and bacon sizzling according to his ministrations.

"Are you sure it's wise to give them bacon this early?" Lacey sighed from the table, a half-eaten bit of well-marmaladed toast sitting upon her before before her- teacup and saucer beside it for a very proper early morning snack. "It's not healthy-"

Lana felt a grin crack across her face as she snuck up behind the other woman, then startled her with a kiss on the cheek. "Aww, it's sweet when you worry about the tykes!"

"Lana!" Lacey yelped, nearly stumbling away. "Not this ear-"

"Mom!" Lizy pointed at her, and Lops gasped.

Lana snuck another kiss onto Lacey's cheek before going over to her twins.

"Mornin' Stinkbombs!" She grinned as she tousled each child's hair with a hand apiece. "Skippy's gettin' you grub?"

"Yea!" Lizy nodden. "We gets bacon!"

"Bacon!" Lops happily confirmed.

"Yes, bacon." Lacey sighed. "In spite of…" Lacey's eyes focussed upon Lana's milk-makers. "Oh Lana for heaven's sake; put on a shirt."

Lan glanced down, right; she'd just waltzed out without so much as a bra.

Oh well, not like no one there hadn't seen them already, and as her frou-frou sister had often said; if you've got it, flaunt it!

"Ahh, what's the matter- I thought you liked my tits!" Lana lifted one of her funbags with a wink.

Lacey's cheeks darkened and she hurriedly took a sip from an unsteady teacup. The plumber let the customary wave of satisfaction flow through at the sight, the thrill of casual allure so far from how she'd first hesitantly climbed into the world of adult activities.

"Ah, leave her alone you big bully." It was Lana's turn to yelp as Skippy playfully smacked her practically-bare bottom. She turned to see him dividing up the bacon from his frypan directly into the plates before the twins- just a little bit each. "Careful Stinkers, they're h-"

Lizy already had her strip in both hands, and halfway into her mouth.

"-ot."

Alas, her tongue confirmed Skippy had not uttered a lie with a bitter burning. The toddler's eyes filled with tears, and Lana's good mood sank into her feet as the next five minutes were spent calming her down, only for Lops to bite her tongue trying to chew through her own tasty treat and compound the problem in the way only children and those who acted like them could achieve.

It was then, just as the two toddlers finally settled down with Skippy for their usual half hour of morning cartoons (Skippy had drawn the short straw, so he was today's sacrifice to The Sponge) that a certain call came through and Lana was treated to Lincoln's hurried proposal.

"… Really Dude?"

"Where we going?" Lops irritably inquired from behind her. "We drive for ages."

"We're gonna go see a guy," Lana sighed, her normal even temper soured from a missed breakfast.

"What guy?"

"Someone you guys are gonna like okay?" As a semi-experienced mother at this point, Lana Loud knew that exciting her kids with knowledge of just who they were going to see would probably either make them waaay too excited for an enclosed space, or make them grumpy for having to go and drive to the park just to see their Dad.

A bit like Lana actually, seriously bro; you couldn't wait at the nice, cushy resort for a few days?

Don't get her wrong, she got it; sometimes when she was working long hours to unfuck some smartass's Fuck It Yourself repairjob she started missing the little stinkers too. But just dropping an entire plan to go on some kind of roadtrip across the country on her like that?

Oh; hey Lana, I know you're already busy trying to fix up the house and keep the contractors in line but I totally need Vanzilla ready for my latest hare-brained scheme today and I'm already coming over so I sure hope you're ready even though I didn't give you any advance warning whatsoever!

Fuck you mind Lincoln.

Sure, she'd already mostly fixed up Vanzilla but dang it she could have used-

"Woofers!" Lizy cheered, interrupting her thoughts. "Mom! Woofers!"

Oh fuck her.

"Woofers!" Lops echoed. "Can we go Woofers Mom!?"

There were two things that kids loved, that parents both loved and hated in equal proportion (actually no, there's about a million things that fall into that category, but only two pertained to Lana at the moment).

One was cartoons, because they made your kids obsessed with imaginary Sponges and demanded that you go buy overpriced brand stuff with said Sponge's face on the stuff in question. However the trade-off was that when you were well and truly done with being a parent for now, you could just switch on a screen and let the tykes zone out for an hour or two while you recovered.

The second was fast food. Fast food was expensive, awful for both a child and adult's health and usually got said children hyper before they zonked out and got grumpy, all while practically addicting said tykes to the grease and sugar laden product so they'd always demand yet more.

It was however; fast, easy and tasty.

BRRMMMMPPP.

And right now; Lana "my kid's tantrum cost me breakfast" Loud's stomach demanded all of those things with a rumble.

We're supposed to go meet Linc in the park in half an hour! Her inner disciplinary asserted. You don't know how long the line is!

Fuck him we're hungry. Her sensible, selfish side snapped. Dude dropped a bomb on us- he can wait.

"Mom, we're hungry!" The bacon-filled baby behind her whined.

"Yea, hungry!"

You know what- I need this.

"Okay, okay- we're gonna go get Woofers…" Lana caved and turned off to the restaurant- the drive-in was clearly overfilled so she just parked to go in on foot. She twisted back to the currently happy kids, "okay you two, I'm gonna be a few minutes so behave-"

"A few minutes!?" Lizy gasped. "That ages-"

"-Or I'll eat your icecream." Lana finished with a smile.

"We get icecream!?"

"Only if you're good," Lana nodded firmly- and she meant it too. Seriously; a blue collar worker could put just about anything away.

"Okay!" The twins spoke as one, prompting a moment of nostalgia as a few old memories of perfect childhood synchronicity with Lola prickled from behind her eyes.

"Okay…", Lana swallowed, then pushed herself from the front seat, making sure lower the windows a little for circulation and to lock the door lest some psycho come along before leaving. She strode from Vanzilla as fast as her relatively short legs could take her, the restless twins left far and away in the relatively safe confines of the ancient family vehicle.

Before her was the famous franchise, and within- her vital sustenance and bribe to tame for a time her offspring's tummies. Yes, tamed with delicious soft fries, tendies that were probably more synthetic than real and all the strange sauces she could ever want over soft, nutritionally empty pancakes paired with vanilla ice cream as white as Lincoln's hair-

Wait- Lincoln's hair?

Lana blinked as her eyes refocused- and sure enough, waving from behind the glass door was the very man whose platinum locks had prompted her hunger-daydream to go weird.

"What the-" she strode forwards as the automatic doors opened. "Lincoln?"

"Lana!" The man grinned, goofy as always with those beaver teeth. "I wasn't expecting to see you here… or half an hour early?"

"Oh right," Lana thumbed over her shoulder, "we were headin' out early, just in case something happened and the kids wanted Woofers- how come you're here?"

Lincoln's eyes went past her and his little smile grew a bit bigger, "me and Clyde were just getting some food since it was a long trip- we were going to head down to the park right after but if the kids are already here then-"

A vision of the last time Lana had been dumb enough to bring the kids into a fast food joint flashed across here eyes.

The screaming.

The running.

The lifetime ban from Burpin' Burger.

"No." Lana put up her hand. "We're getting food and we're all going- seriously Linc if you bring 'em here they're gonna get hyper as f-"

The back of her neck prickled, and a quick glance revealed the disapproving eyes of half a dozen parents staring in her direction. "-uunn."

"Hyper as fun?" Lincoln raised an eyebrow. "That sounds-"

"Look, I don't wanna get banned from Woofers too okay?" Lana looked around and spotted the tall form of Clyde Mcridbe at one of the tables. "You already ordered right?"

"Yeah, sure." Lincoln nodded to Clyde. "We've already got ours."

"Great, let's get mine and the kids and we can go," Lana sped towards the service line. "C'mon, we've got maybe five minutes before the girls get too bored to stay in their seats."

Lincoln followed her into the line. "I thought you let them play with a tablet?"

"Yeah they broke that," Lana sighed. "Turns out little kids are great are wrecking stuff, my phone was next- had to go get a new one yesterday so they're not getting anything with a screen anytime soon."

"Darn, that's a shame." Lincoln mused then brightened. "Hey, since I kind of dropped this on you- brunch is on me!"

Lana hesitated, then shook her head. "Nah Dude, I'm a plumber so if you're thinkin' I'm short 'cause of the phone-"

"No, I just…" they moved up a step. "Want to do something for you guys."

Lana regarded him with a critical eye.

Earnest expression? Check.

Scuffed shoes and sightly worn down clothes? Check.

Probably poor since he'd been unemployed for literal years at this point? Suuper check.

".. Yeah that's fine," Lana smiled at him, trying to let him down gently. "Like I said, I've got this covered-"

Lincoln looked a little hurt, then something flickered across his face.

"- but I appreciate the thought." Lana rushed. "I mean…"

Lincoln pointedly pulled out his wallet, then opened up the main sleeve to reveal a thick wad of small notes. "How much is a family meal again?"

Lana stared.

"Probably less than this right?"

"Y-yeah, okay then." Lana nodded to herself, the whispered to him. "Dude, how'd you get that much?"

"I have my ways," the man nodded with a smug tone.

"Okay but seriously…"

But try as she might, Lana couldn't get any direct answers out of the man- Lincoln simply nodded along and replied with teasingly vague answers with the kind of smugness she remembered on a younger Lincoln's face when one of his many schemes seemed to be panning out.

It was only when they ordered and went to wait at the table he and Clyde shared that finally got an inkling of where the many fives and ten dollar notes he'd pulled out for their food had come from.

"Well I can't say for sure," Clyde smiled toothily. "But I do know for a fact that Lincoln happened to spend last night with a certain mutual friend of his and Luan's, maybe they found a way to save some money together?"

The smug evaporated off Lincoln with a snap, "Clyde!"

Lana snorted at the sudden shift. "Aw, is that right bro, you and Maggie got it on?"

"Sure sounds like it." Clyde laughed.

"That's not-"

"He even told me they stayed up late 'sharing interests'." Clyde waggled his eyebrows, reminding Lana that handsome professional or not now- Clyde McBride was, always had been, and certainly always would be; a colossal dork. "Totally platonically of course."

"It was!"

"Yeah, platonically sleeping in the same room with a girl you barely know- that's normal." Lana rolled her eyes, "happens all the time; right Clyde?"

"Sure thing, why I do believe I spent many such platonic nights with Lynn," Clyde nodded to himself. "As friends do you know."

"Clyde…" Lincoln groaned.

"Why, sometimes we even platonically slept in the same bed…"

"Seriously Clyde."

"You didn't ever platonically have a kid together though right?" Lana interjected, for what Loud girl would let a chance to mess with Lincoln go by?

Clyde tapped his finger on his chin in exaggerated 'contemplation'. "Why I don't believe we ever did-"

"Oh hey guys I think our food coming," Lincoln looked at the oncoming waitress- no waiter from the uniform (dang, that's good femboy if Lana ever saw one…). "Maybe we should pick this up some other time-"

"You sure bro," Lana snickered. "I mean, me and Clyde haven't talked in a while-"

Lincoln's eye twitched, then relaxed as he played the parent card; "Sure, if you don't mind leaving the kids alone for that long."

Lana groaned as the weight of responsibility fell upon her, and a glimpse to the age-old vehicle in the parking lot reminded her that every minute she spent roasting Lincoln was probably going to be ten cleaning up whatever the girls would do if they got bored enough. "Yeah, good point…"

The waiter came over to them with a slight swing to his hips, their order to go in a bag upon a waiting table; "a family meal with three Funtas and a Pippsy?"

"That's us," Lincoln happily took the meal into his arms, showing the receipt with the customer number to be certain before handing the waiter a five dollar note as a tip. "Thanks."

"Thank you Sir," the waiter winked at Lincoln, before sashaying away with another order.

There was a moment of stunned silence from the man, before his eyes darted to Clyde. "Don't start."

Lana looked between the two, an uncomfortable suspicion raising its head in the back of her mind. "Uhh."

No Lana- she chastitsed herself. Y-you gotta be supportive if-

"Start what Lincoln?" Clyde was wearing the same smug smile Lincoln had one earlier.

"That." Lincoln snapped, narrowing his eyes at the increasingly satisfied other man.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Clyde shrugged and leaned back in his chair. "But I can take a guess at what that is,"

Lana and Lincoln both followed Clyde's eyeline to the order, there just next to the big bag lay a little note inscribed with the name 'Billy' and a number underneath.

"… Shut up Clyde." Lincoln's face flushed, and the man grabbed the order with one hand, pointedly ignoring the note. "Come on Lana, I want to see the girls."

Clyde shrugged good-naturedly as Lincoln walked away. Lana looked between the two confusedly,

"So… is there something I should know?"

A twinkle entered Clyde's eye, and he quickly plucked the note from the table and held it out to her. "Good question, maybe keep this just in case Lincoln changes his mind?"

Lana looked at the note with apprehension, then hesitatingly took it and pressed it into one of her pockets. "Uh, okay Dude. Kinda a lot to lay on me-"

"True, but I think you've got something else to prioritise at the moment," Clyde raise a hand and pointed behind her.

Lana followed the hand to see Lincoln currently pressing himself against the window where the girls were strapped in.

It would have been cute if not for the muffled screams drawing worried looks.

"Dang it."

A/N:

The April Fools joke this year is that Blue not only actually uploaded for once, but even advanced the timeline rather than writing another interlude! :P

Apologies to any regular readers or both this and my other stories, writer's block is a pain to work through.