To all ships - "Commander-free week" is not a thing, and will not be thing for as long as I live. Stop purposefully wreaking havoc around the base in an attempt to give me another heart attack and force me on another vacation. - You all think you're so clever, don't you?

Admiral Graf Spee - Arm wrestle matches are to be done with your rigging off.

Admiral Hipper - What the hell is a "Tsundere" and why is it destroying our reality?

Ajax - The pigsty you made is indeed impressive, but we will not dorm any shipgirls inside it.

Albacore - Stop using Graf Zeppelin's slingshot during recreation. - Please pay for the repairs of my office window you flew through.

Akagi - I don't need a body-guard. - Actually, I might need a body-guard against you.

Akashi - The mind-control device will be confiscated. Although Ajax beating herself up while crying "Why are you hitting yourself?" was the highlight of the week.

Ark Royal - Get rid of the mascot costumes. Furries are not an acceptable way to get destroyers to follow you to the back room. - I might have to call human rights over this.

Atago - Appearing before civilians fully undressed and claiming to be a yokai was tasteless.

Avrora - You just can't cook. Don't let it get to you. Although, transforming normal, every-day ingredients into steel melting acid is impressive. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to weaponize this somehow.

Ayanami - Playing dead is not a tactic we are prone to use during battles. Congratulations on the longest time ever recorded to complete a mission, though.

Belfast - Stop locking yourself up inside the closet with Enterprise 1.

Bismarck - That shipgirl is on vacation, she wasn't slacking off. Get her off the crusifix.

Bremerton - For introducing the Naval base to carnival, you will be imprisoned. - Face paint goes off now. No arguments.

Chapayev - Where did you get those funds? - Your handcuff dealer rewarded you for the advertisement? - I fear for the future if your handcuff dealer is having solid business inside our naval base.

Cleveland - Asking me what I think of you as a woman is a guaranteed way to start a civil war among the shipgirls. - Asking me what I think of you as a man is a guaranteed way to get a psychiatrist assigned to you.

Deutschland - Your ego knows no bounds. Stop referring to yourself as 'the fury.' You can get imprisoned over this.

Eldritch - When people ask you to charge up their phone batteries, just refuse.

Enterprise 1 - Enough is enough. I'm assigning Sirius to you as your new personal maid.

Enterprise 2 - Yes, you are completely within your rights to call yourself the "rat whisperer" if you want. Even I can't deny the insane antics you're capable of with these rodents.

Friedrich Der Große - Mothers don't strangle their children. Just keep that in mind.

Formidable - Stop coming up with slang for strippers and then attempt to convince Z26 that that's her real name. - What the hell is a twig-chaser?

Fuzzball - I'm keeping the sword. It looks cool on my wall.

Grozny - Make sure you drink at minimum 10 bottle's of vodka per day, for our sake. - Here, have a whisky, on my tab.

Graf zeppelin - Stop shooting oversized birds at our base with a giant slingshot. - Did you just call me a pig?

Gascogne - Nevermind. Execute order sixty-six.

Hammann - To keep our reality from breaking, I'm placing a restrain order between you and Hipper.

Honolulu - Your sexual harassment file against Atago has been accepted. Though I don't need over a hundred of them. Just one is enough.

Illustrious - Breast enlargement is tacky and tasteless. You of all people don't need it.

Javelin - There is no such thing as 'harem theory,' and even if there was, I would personally make sure it would cease to exist immediately.

Jean Barte - You don't need a pirate ship. You are a pirate ship.

Kaga - Civilians are not target practice.

Kitakaze - Weaponizing Albacore by filling her up with liters of energy drink before dropping her in the middle of the enemy fleet is not going to improve my relationship with the human rights division.

Laffey - Ayanami's 'play dead' tactic isn't as successful as you think. Especially not when you fall asleep during the middle of it all.

Mainz - Please give our coffee back. Belfast refuses to let us drink any tea and all we have left now is alcohol. You could be the reason for a nation-wide outbreak if you continue like this.

North Carolina - I am seriously considering a commission to purge every single breed of bunny and hare from this earth. We can if we want to. We have nukes. Get a new hobby!

Observer α - When performing secretary work, do not label the trashcan as the inbox for my paperwork.

Prinz Eugen - I'm not allowing stripper poles inside the dorms. remove them. - Likewise for the chain outfit. Vegas did a number on you...

Purifier - Learn to read. How else am I going to reprimand your behavior?

Roon - There is no such thing as a lover's suicide. It's called "murder suicide."

Seattle - Parties should not involve Prinz Eugen or stripper poles. - I did not know women could bend that way.

Sheffield - Performing a gun-fire salute is only possible outside the office, and not with a 165 milimetre cannon.

Shōkaku - War and famine are not caused by the existence of Akagi and Kaga, no matter how much undeniable proof you provide.

Taihō - I found the death note you kept hidden under your bed. I'm happy to see that my name isn't in it. I'm less happy to see that every other shipgirl is.

Takao 2 - Shooting lasers can solve problems, if said problems involve a certain Iron blood aircraft carrier and a giant slingshot seen just outside the base grounds.

Tester β - Accidently hitting another shipgirl with one of our nukes should not be excused with "oops, I missed."

U-101 - Get rid of the Harvey. I'm becoming deaf.

Unicorn - Remove the chainsaws at once, or I'll send Gascogne on you. She has proven to be quite the effective weapon against children half her size.

Vestal - When Shipgirls come to you to stitch their arm back to their body multiple times in an hour, you might want to slow down the healing process.

Warspite - A world ruled by only Queen Elizabeth would be an universal anomaly.

Queen Elizabeth - You are not the world's ruler!

Z23 - No, the admiral fanclub may not hold a lecture to discuss the theoretical arrangement of my future harem. I fear for my life.

Zuikaku - Stop copying Enterprise 2's rats. You do not need to outdo everything she does. Although pest-control around the base has been going rather well lately.

My therapist - Please become more available...

Operative missives

Francis - Why are you giving the known megalomaniac anti-matter torpedoes?! Do you want us to die?!

Grand duke of Luzon - One enemy is destroying humanity and shooting birds at us, the other is a "minor" warcrime. Check your priorities.

Gilgamesh, King of heroes - So your attempts at defecting go on. Besides, Enterprise 2 doesn't care about anything outside her cell, and Takao 2 follows my every whim anyway.

Guest with poor radio reception - Proposal rejected. Fuzzball put you up to that one, didn't she?

High command 1 (Yes, There were two of them) - No no no no no! You can have the maid! Absolutely! Take her, I don't care! I'd do it for free! I'd even pay you! Please! - Did Navy headquarters just abandon ship?!

High command 2 - Confirmed. And not just rats, we also have bunnies.

Jashua Olejasz - Just wait until she has her fill of tea again. That'll be different...

PlayerUltima - Chapayev would like to know how you're able to unlock her handcuffs during capture.

Reinkasahi - Is it possible to, like, just put a lock on these things or something? You'd imagine there's proper procedure for the use of omnicidal bombs.

Shadow Onyx 013 - You just hate the science team in Antartica, don't you?

Shen1412 - The agents of the matrix.

Some guy2283 - Okay, battleship it is. I'll show you a neat trick Elizabeth has "thaught" me.

The janitor - I believe that new assistant of yours is stealing my grapes. She also has a disturbing affinity for Enterprise 2 for some reason. Please tell her to behave, and to stay away from that freeloading prisoner. - Not that those three still remember you, but it might be best to just stay away from other shipgirls at all times anyway.

The middleman2 - We don't need more nukes. - We need offensive retaliation. Do you also have a giant slingshots and birds?

The shadow of Zama - ALL shipgirls have a talent for finding nukes, whether I like it or not. - Sure, whatever. Permission to fondle Kawakaze granted. It's your funeral.

TouhouFanatic - A "destroyerization beam" is not what you think it is...

ZiArtem - The last thing these people need is emotional encouragement. - The SIREN known as Observer 0 didn't change sides, she left the planet in a futile attempt to escape Graf Zeppelin's wrath. - There are no protocols. We just burn stuff. Quite effectively too, I might add.

I'm crawling back to my cave to produce more content. See you in a few days!