When Ravi was a boy, before his life had done a complete spiral, there were fond memories he once held. One in particular was of him and his mother; they were sitting next to the window, watching as the rain came pelting down on the earth. He was perched in her lap, leaning into her touch. Her chin was rested on the top of his head and she'd given him a kiss to his hair.

"They say the earth cries, that's why it rains," she'd said with her arms firmly wrapped around him.

"But why?" He was always asking those questions. Full of never ending curiosity at that age. With his eyes full of childhood innocence, looking up at her and just knowing she had an answer for him. She always did.

She maneuvered him around so he was facing her. "I don't know," she said, simply. Her lips were quirked upward into a smile. Her fingers threaded through his hair. "Why don't you ask your teacher on Monday?"

"Okay," he agreed easily.

It was the last tangible memory he had of her. Had he known that at the time, he might have cherished it a little bit more than he had. But he didn't. He didn't and now he could only be filled with a sense of regret and longing. They'd sat there for nearly an hour, until he became impatient and squirmed out of her arms to rush off for something else. When he got older, there were moments he would think over that last time, hating himself for not staying there more. Why didn't he just suck it up instead of going off for something that didn't even matter? Why hadn't he?

Why hadn't he?

He'd come to hate her as well. Hating her for the selfish decision she made to leave.

Without him.

It was the middle of the night when she came to him. He was woken up from a dead sleep by her shaking him gently. Bleary eyed and yawning, he stared at her. He didn't know that it would be the last time he ever saw her.

"Ravi," she whispered.

"Hmm?" he mumbled. "Mommy?"

Her hands on the side of his face, her eyes lingering on him like she was mesmerizing every inch of him. For the last time. "Ravi," her voice was starting to crack, "sweetie, you have to listen to me. This is very important. Okay? Can you listen to mommy?"

"Okay," he said, sleepily.

Her lip trembled, but she plastered on a smile anyway. "Mommy has to go away for a while."

"How long?"

"I don't know," she said. "But I need you to do something for me."

"Okay."

"I need you to be my brave boy while I'm gone," she whispered. "Can you do that for me?"

He nodded.

She kissed his forehead. "Oh, sweetie. Mommy loves you. Mommy loves you so, so much. Always remember that."

And she left.

The rain had gone from a mere trickle to pouring.

Somehow, he didn't slip. He'd run out of the hotel, aimlessly into the city. The streets on that side of town weren't as busy as main street was. Not many people were walking out at that time of night, not to mention because of the weather and coldness that had seeped into the air from earlier. It effectively kept most indoors. It meant he didn't have to dodge anyone on the sidewalk or have them shout a hey in outrage when he sped past them. He was entirely soaked when he made it to the bridge. His jeans were clinging to his legs, his hair to his forehead. He was no longer cold, but that hardly mattered. Nothing really mattered anymore.

You're being dramatic

You're always like this

Don't you know that others have it worse than you?

So you have some pictures taken of you

Big deal

Get over yourself

Ravi wasn't certain as to why he'd chosen that bridge of all places. Perhaps because it wasn't as busy, thus without spectators. Perhaps because he was breathless by the time he got there. Or maybe it just felt right. He didn't know how to explain it. It just did. A sense of peacefulness he hadn't experienced in quite some time.

Isn't it ironic that it's now you feel this way

Ravi had ran. He'd run until he couldn't hear any laughter, until the sound was muffled and then there was nothing at all. Which brought him to now; standing along the side of the suspension bridge, preparing to...to do...

To die.

He inhaled shakily. He wasn't just thinking about it in anymore, imagining how it was going to go down. This was real. About as real as it gets. There was no going back after this.

He'd lost Shelby on the way over. She had either given up and decided not to follow him the rest of the way or couldn't find him after he made a few impromptu turns. Either way, it was fine by him.

You're just upset because she made you go and then that happened

Instead of putting the blame where it belongs you're blaming Shelby

Classy

He did blame Mitch, he did. He was the cause of most issues that happened at school-for Heaven's sake, he was the sole reason why people felt comfortable enough to make remarks and physically do things to him. Because they saw Mitch do it. Because they thought it was funny. Because no one cared enough to step in to help out the weirdo of the school without the risk of being lumped together with him.

But Shelby did

But he couldn't help but feel enormous resentment toward Shelby as well. If it hadn't been for her, he wouldn't have set foot at the party. But no, he'd gone and now this. Why had he allowed himself to get sucked in?

She's the only one that will pay attention to you

You were drawn into that because you hate being alone

Because that's what you are

Alone

And that's all you'll ever be

Why can't you understand that?

You can't blame her for everything when you're the problem

His anger fueled up like a fire that was ignited. He let out a cry of pure aggravation, punching the structure in a rare fit. The pain was immediate: his knuckles throbbed and he hissed, cradling his hand to his chest.

Good going

Real smooth

So much for being the smart one, eh?

He was just tired. Life had become much more than he could take. He just couldn't do it anymore. It wasn't worth it. He'd tried, he honestly had for the longest time. He was optimistic, he thought his circumstances would get better as the years went by-perhaps the people who bullied him would mature and regret what they'd done. Perhaps his siblings would grow to tolerate him and treat him like a real person rather than some house guest they were allowing to stay with them.

Life wasn't supposed to be this way.

It wasn't. He'd went across the world to a new country for a new life, for goodness sake, and it wasn't much better than what he'd left behind. That was the real kicker. He didn't feel true happiness anymore than he had before. Yet, if he said it out loud, he would be scolded for being ungrateful after all they'd done for him.

He wasn't like that.

He wasn't ungrateful. He was thankful for the new opportunities he wouldn't have otherwise experienced. He did appreciate having a stable home and food to eat whenever he was hungry, without having to fret over what his next meal might be. It was just...

He only meant...

Ravi hung his head.

Honestly

After what they did for you, you're gonna act like that

You're a liar

You aren't grateful

If you were, you'd stop complaining like a child

He couldn't do this. He just couldn't. With a tight grip on the hand rail, he thought about how surreal this moment was. This...his final moment. It gave him an odd sort of feeling. A serene feeling that he shouldn't have felt during a time like this but...it felt right. Like this was what should happen. Like what should have happened all along.

Was this normal? Had other people who did...this..., or tried to, feel something similar? Or was this his own self trying to feel some comfort so this wasn't going to be scary to go through?

He remembered the first time he sat through a presentation during health class while in America. It was a special day, they were taken to the auditorium where a well-dressed woman was there to speak to the class about suicide. Specifically speaking, she was there to discuss her son's unexpected death at the age of sixteen.

He was a normal teenage boy, that's what she and her husband always assumed. He did what most boys at his age did; he participated in sports, he showed more interest in girls than his homework and he hung out with his friends to play video games. He displayed no other behavior that should have raised some red flags. He wasn't even in trouble all that often. Neither she or her husband were aware that he was suffering from depression. They had no idea he was inwardly wrestling with everything on a daily basis, all while appearing normal to the rest of the world.

They didn't know he suffered in silence.

She went on to say, having to pause at times when she became too choked up to get words out, how she'd been the one to find him. She had just came from work, half an hour after he arrived home. It was too quiet, so she went upstairs to check on him. She'd knocked on his bedroom door, asking if he was alright and she eventually opened the door after she didn't receive a response. And it was there, she found him on the floor.

Dead by his own hand.

He'd hung himself. Using a rope he'd bought two days prior and had hid in the back of his closet underneath a pile of clothes. His mother explained how her world had washed away that day. She hovered in the corner of the room, with her husband holding onto her, as paramedics performed CPR on him, but it was futile. He was already gone.

There was something she'd said that stuck with Ravi to this day.

"He was in pain," she said after dabbing her eyes with a handkerchief. "He was in so much pain. He thought this-he thought dying was the only way out."

Back then, Ravi was horrified to hear such a thing. How could dying take the pain away? He'd wondered. It hadn't made any sense. Why didn't he just talk to someone? His parents or a professional. Why hadn't he done something? How could he have let himself to that point?

He didn't understand until he, himself, had gotten near to the edge.

And then it became clear.

Painstakingly, so.

The woman continued speaking. She was remorseful that she or her husband hadn't caught it sooner. How they didn't know how he truly felt until it was too late. It made Ravi wonder something:

Would the same be said about him?

Were his parents, his siblings and Jessie going to stand up at his funeral, professing how they thought all along he'd been okay and they had no idea how he truly felt? Would they ever know the truth? It wasn't like he left any evidence in his room. There was no note. They might not even hear of it tonight, not until his body was recovered and the police showed up at the penthouse to inform his family.

Until his body was recovered. The thought sent a chill down his spine.

Ravi glanced down at the water below.

Now you're here

Now you can't make anymore excuses

Now you can do it

So do it

If you're not scared, that is

Unless...you are scared

Are you?

You'd better not back out

Because I don't think you're going to do it

I don't think you're brave enough to do it

I think you're a coward

I think you'll back out

Prove it

Prove me wrong

Prove them all wrong

They all think you're a coward

Do it

Prove them wrong

Ravi was trembling as he climbed up the railing.

I suppose this is it

He bent his knees.

"You really shouldn't do that."

He let out a gasp, jerking, startled by her abrupt presence. He almost did fall and not even on purpose that time. Shelby was there, standing in the rain, drenched as all could be. She wore a sorrowful expression. One that clearly conveyed pity. Oh, how he despised pity.

"Go away," he had to speak louder to be heard over the rain, which had increased in its intensity. He was facing straight ahead, daring not to look at her face.

"That was really mean of him," she said in reference of Mitch. She came closer, brushing some of her hair that had come out of her braid to the side, to keep out of her eyes. "He's not very nice."

Ravi said nothing.

"He's not worth it," she said in earnest.

"He humiliated me," he ground out.

"Is that the only reason?"

"Just go away," he said, sharply. "Leave me alone!"

"I don't think that's what you want," she disagreed. "I think you don't want to be alone. I think you hate it."

"You're wrong."

"Am I?" She cocked her head to the side.

"Yes!"

Shelby turned to look over at the scenery in front of them. A couple minutes passed. "Is this your first time?"

"Excuse me?"

"This," she gestured between them. "Is this your first time or have you tried before?"

"I don't think that's any of your business," he glared.

"What happened to your hand?" She asked, suddenly when she saw the bruise that was forming on it. "Did he do that?"

"No," he said with forced patience.

"Did you do that?"

"Must you ask so many questions?" He snapped.

"My dad always told me and Elliot to ask questions."

"He should have told you when to mind your business," he grumbled.

"I know you don't have friends," she looked up at him. Her face was without judgement. "And that your brother picks on you."

"What of it?" he snarled.

"I think that's why you're sad all the time," she leaned against the rail, crossing her arms over her chest. "But you try to hide it. You don't have to. Not with me. It's okay to be sad sometimes."

Says you

The one who's always happy and thinks everything is fun

He involuntarily shivered when a gust of wind picked up and swept by. " And I'm sure they'll forget all about those pictures eventually."

That set him off again. "It isn't just because of that," he hissed. "You just...erg, you don't get it!"

"What don't I get?"

"Everything!" His chest heaved. His grip on the steel was painful now. If it hadn't been for the darkness, he would have seen how pale his hands had gone. "You're oblivious to everything! You go around being so happy and I'm sick of it! You don't understand what I've gone through and I'm just waiting for you to make up some excuse for Mitch. Let me guess, he has a bad home life so he's lashing out. Or, no wait, he wants attention? Just go away, Shelby. Go away," he snarled again.

"Nope," she smiled.

He spluttered. "What do you mean nope?"

"Friends don't leave their friends behind," she informed him.

"We aren't friends!" he shrieked. "I've tried to say that many times but you won't listen! When will this sink in? I don't want to be your friend!"

"That's okay," she smiled despite things. "I don't mind. Sometimes people need a little push in the right direction, you know? Emily didn't want to be my friend at first. She said I was annoying."

I can see why

"But now we're besties," she said, swaying from side to side.

"Well good for you," he muttered.

The bridge creaked. He glanced over to the side of him again and couldn't believe what he was seeing. Shelby was climbing up and gave him a smile. It wasn't like those other smiles, those ones that she did whenever she was excited or overly happy. This was so tender, so full of sincerity and love. It made him feel uncomfortable and...

Quite confused.

"I told you I'm not leaving," she said, simply.

"You're going to get wet," he said, lamely.

"I already am wet, silly," she giggled. "Besides, I don't mind. I love the rain. Didn't I tell you?" He couldn't remember much at this point. "I miss back home, when me and Elliot jumped in the puddles. That was fun."

"Why can't you just leave?" he said, brokenly. He didn't want anyone there when he...

"I'm not letting you go through this alone."

"You're going to fall." Much as he was conflicted with her right now, he didn't want anything to happen with her, too.

"No, I won't. I'm used to being on bridges. We had some back home and me and my friends climbed them a lot. It was super fun. I like climbing. I climbed trees, too. And I didn't fall off," to prove her point, or to display some incredible stupidity-either was possible-, she leaned forward a bit, while still holding on. "He's not worth it, you know. Not dying over."

"It isn't just him," he sighed. "It's everything."

"What's everything?"

"I don't wish to talk about it," he clamed up.

"Alright," she agreed. "You don't have to if you don't wanna. But I think you should. My dad says you shouldn't bottle stuff up. It's not good for you."

I think I'm well past that point

"Why should I?" He snarked, his anger rising up again for no reason. That's it, take your anger out on the one person that cares. "You don't care. No one does. It doesn't even matter."

"Of course it does," she countered. "And I do care. You're my best friend. I'd do anything for you."

I'm not your-

"I doubt that."

"Why?" She tilted her head. "Because no one's said that to you before?"

"Because it isn't true!" He said, loosing his temper once again. "You would not do anything for me. You just want to feel good by saying. You don't mean it and you certainly cannot keep it."

"I can try," she said with the utmost confidence. Like she just knew she could. As if it was a fact. "But you didn't answer my question."

"And I'm not going to."

"Why are you so sad?" She continued, as if he hadn't spoken. That only grated on his nerves further. "Why don't you try to be happy?"

"Because it isn't enough!" He hated how his eyes were brimming with tears. You're weak. Only weak people cry. "I cannot be like you and pretend everything is okay when it's not! I'm not like you."

She hopped down back on the ground. "I know you don't believe me," she said, her voice raising when the rain yet again increased, "but people like you, Ravi."

He snorted. "They have a funny way of showing it."

"I like you. My family likes you. And your family loves you," she said.

His eyes flashed. "You know nothing about my family! You do not get to speak on things you don't understand!"

"You don't think they love you...do you?"

"Shut up," he snapped, his last nerve having been cut. "Just shut up!"

"Why?" She asked, unfazed by his shouting. "Why wouldn't they love you?

Because you're not like everyone else

Because you're not Luke

Because you're not normal

Ravi didn't like to cry. He didn't like feeling weak or getting mocked by Luke for acting like a sissy. He kept those intimate moments to himself, in the privacy of his bedroom where he wouldn't be seen. But now, in the pouring rain, he bowed his head, his body shaking as he let out a sob.

Shelby gently pulled on his shirt. "Come on."

He got down, landing on the ground without slipping. He didn't protest as she embraced him, rubbing his back like he remembered his mother used to do to him when he was a little boy. "It's okay," she whispered over and over.

He just wished he could believe her.

if you guys don't like this I'll redo it. I've never written a chapter involving attempted suicide so I hope that was okay