Sorry I've been MIA for so long with this- I decided to work on something else for a little while since I kept hitting a brick wall with this one.
As always, anything that seems familiar belongs to the MCU – I own nothing and make no money – no copyright infringement is intended.
Chapter Twenty-Five - Confrontations (Steve)
It was a number of hours before Tony had calmed down enough from Natasha's revelation and was able to calmly go speak to Steve. He'd avoided his former teammate for long enough, and he knew it was high time that they clear the air and try to somehow get things at least a little back on track.
It was ripping the Avengers apart to have this huge rift between them all, especially with the very source of Tony's rage living within the Tower with them all. The only way he was even going to begin to heal from all this was to speak with Steve, and eventually, when he was ready, Barnes.
He knocked on Steve's room door and waited patiently for the super soldier to answer. When he did, he offered a lop-sided grin and raised his hands, palms outward. "I come in peace."
Steve smiled a little and invited him in, flicking the coffee maker on. "What can I do for you?"
"I wanted to talk."
A blond eyebrow went up. "Right."
"No, honestly. I want to talk, just talk, no yelling or screaming, no fighting. Just talking."
Steve stood in complete silence until the coffee pinged that it was done. He poured two mugs and thrust one at Tony, the liquid threatening to slosh over the edge and burn his hand. Tony took the mug and didn't comment, just sat on the couch and waited until Steve joined him, distrust evident in his blue eyes.
"Okay, so talk."
Tony guessed he deserved the hostility in a way. "Things have been really strained, and I know I'm partly to blame. Every time you'd tried to make things better I've refused to listen. And at first I let myself do it, because I was angry, and hurt, and while it doesn't excuse my behaviour later, I still feel I was justified at first."
The blond sipped his coffee in silence, not even so much as slurping. When Tony was done, he spoke. "Yeah, in the beginning I didn't really blame you. I suppose when I think back on it, you had every right to be as hostile as you were."
Tony nodded at his words and raised his mug in salute. "But, as time went by, you tried harder and harder to make amends, and I'd accept but the second you or Barnes did anything that pissed me off, I went right back to square one. And it's that behaviour that was unacceptable. I don't think I could have stopped myself raving, but I could have taken the time to apologise afterwards. And I never did because I still felt justified, but I no longer feel that way. I was an arrogant ass, I was conceited and acted like you, and Barnes, could never get in my good graces."
Steve drained his coffee and put the mug down a little harder than necessary. "Right," he said tightly.
Tony ran a hand through his hair. "Look, Steve, I was a prick. I kept lashing out when I should have been trying to repair everything instead of ripping this team even further apart than it already was."
"Tony…"
"No, let me get this out. I had no right to be the way I was…"
"Tony, let…"
"Steve, stop butting in. I should have been making things better between us…"
"Tony, just…"
"Button it, Capsicle…"
"Tony!" Steve bellowed, slamming his hand on the table and shattering the glass.
Tony flinched and jumped to his feet, backing away quickly and the words to call his suit on his lips. His heart thundered in fear and he hated that he was so terrified, that his mind went into overdrive and his body sizzled with energy, expecting to have to spring into action.
Steve huffed a sigh and raised his hands in supplication. "Tony, I'm sorry, you just wouldn't let me talk, damn it!"
He nodded and swallowed, unable to speak for fear he'd just squeak, his heart still far too high for anything even in the same realm as healthy.
"I'm not angry, Tony. Jeez, I'm sorry I scared you. Please, come and sit back down. I swear I'm not going to hurt you."
Edging toward the sofa, Tony gingerly sat down but didn't relax. "Okay."
Scrubbing his hands over his face, Steve flopped back and grimaced. "Stop apologising, Tony. You didn't do anything wrong. Yeah, later on maybe you were out of line, but really I shouldn't have reacted. I should have just backed off and tried again later. You were obviously still hurting, and the best thing for me to do would have been to leave you to it, not keep badgering you."
Tony puffed his cheeks out then released the air slowly. "Uh huh…well, I wasn't expecting that."
The tension in the air disappeared and Steve burst out laughing. "Christ, what a pair we are. We've both behaved like dicks, and it would make me feel immensely better if we could just put all this behind us."
Tony wanted to, even while he chuckled, but there was one thing he knew they needed to confront. "There's one thing we can't do that with, Steve."
He frowned a moment then his face cleared, and sadness filled those baby-blues. "Yeah."
"Yeah, Siberia. I think I can put everything else but that behind me. We need to talk about that, Steve. It's the biggest thing between us."
Steve laughed awkwardly. "Odd, I thought the biggest thing between us was Bucky."
"Yeah, I can see why you would think that, but I'm dealing with it better than I thought I could. Siberia is the one thing that haunts me, Steve. It's what gives me nightmares and leaves me waking up screaming in fear."
"Right, I suppose we should address that."
Tony didn't really know where to start, there was no choosing which part hurt him most, no way to collate his thoughts and emotions into words without sounding like a fool. But, then, Tony knew it didn't matter if he sounded a fool. This was Steve, and when all was said and done, Steve was the one who'd never made fun of Tony's occasional inability to get his words out right.
"I think the hardest part for me was the fact that you threw our friendship out of the window like it was nothing. It was like Bucky was the only person who had existed, and it was made worse that you didn't trust me when I said we would bring him in and protect him. Even though we all thought he was guilty, I would have made sure he got a trial, that we looked into everything before condemning him."
Steve hung his head, shoulders slumped. "I know, when I think back on it I know that you would have done everything in your power to make sure he was treated fairly, despite what he'd done."
Tony nodded and clenched his hands to stop them shaking. "Even if it would have come out about my parents, the others would have still made sure that he was treated fairly. We wouldn't have let him rot, even if I'd been pissed and hurt. The most important thing is that he's still human and I wouldn't have been able to live with myself if I hadn't done everything to get to the bottom of things."
Deep down, Tony knew that the worst betrayal was the lack of trust Steve had placed in him, second came the fight in Siberia where his friend had shown no holding back, and he still woke terrified from nightmares that Steve had actually decapitated him and not just destroyed the arc reactor. Which in itself was bad enough, but Tony had learned to install a second arc reactor into his suits and not just rely on the one in his chest. If he'd done that, Tony would have died that day, the shrapnel would have crawled into his heart and killed him.
"What can I do to make things right between us?" Steve asked, his voice barely above a whisper.
"I don't really know, Steve. I think it's just going to take time, and for you to show that you do trust me. Because you didn't trust me at one point, and that's something I never thought would happen. I might be a loudmouth and seemingly reckless, but I have never intentionally but anyone in this team in danger, and I've never given any of you a reason to not trust me. Even during the whole Ultron incident, I apologised immediately but it was quickly realised Bruce and I had nothing to do with that, not really, because we were nowhere near ready for an interphase. We learned the sceptre did something, and I apologised repeatedly for all that."
Steve nodded. "I know, Tony, I feel awful, I really do. I know that I should have trusted you to do what was best for Bucky, even when I didn't. It's not that I didn't trust you, my station as leader of the Avengers made me arrogant, and in turn led me to believe that I knew best, even when everyone else told me I was wrong. The entire population of America could have told me I was wrong, and I don't think I would have listened. So, as hard as it may be, don't take that personally. I didn't trust anyone, not just you. But I can see why it hurt so much."
He appreciated the honesty and found that talking it all through was helping, he hoped that they would be able to get past it all and somehow regain the friendship they'd once had. Time would tell, but he was willing to put the effort in.
There was one way he could begin to repair their friendship, and as Steve had made numerous attempts to sort things out, he figured it was only fair that he now make a move. "Come on down to the workshop, there's something I want to show you."
The blond frowned but followed, saying little on the ride down. Tony wasn't one to fill in silences, even if they were a little awkward so he too remained silent. On the workshop level, Tony hit the passcode to get in and found Bucky messing around with a pile of scraps.
The super soldier gave him look resembling a deer caught in the headlights, his eyes shifting to the ventilation system and Tony suddenly realised where his scraps kept going. Before Bucky could scramble away, Tony held his hands up. "It's okay, they're only scraps, I don't have any use for them."
That said, he ignored the soldier and headed to a large cabinet, he opened it and pulled out a familiar red, white and blue shield. He held it out to Steve.
"I was wrong when I said you didn't deserve this shield, you do. My father saw something in you when he accepted you for the experiment, and Erskine knew that while bad became worse, there must have been good in you- you became great."
Steve's eyes filled and he had to cough to hide it, but Tony saw, though he made no comment. "Thanks, Tony. I've always done my best to live up to the standards Howard wanted me to, and I haven't been doing that lately. I promise that I will do my best to make you proud."
It struck a chord in Tony that the blond had said him, and not Howard. Maybe they really could make things good again. He certainly hoped so. Steve left with the shield, and a grin on his face that Tony hadn't seen for some time. For the moment, things were alright.
A sound behind him drew his attention, he'd forgotten about Bucky messing with his scraps for a moment. The man appeared to be trying to get the little bot he'd created to do something, but the little thing remained unmoving.
Curiosity got the better of him and he went to have a nosy. He could see straight away that the bot had no life in it. He gently took it, opened it up and saw that Bucky had mismatched a few wires up. He grabbed his cutters, snipped them, then rewired them the correct way. He installed a little chip, just like he secretly had done with BUCK-E and saw the lights inside come to life.
Soon, FRIDAY had hooked the little thing up to her network and the boy beeped and whirred happily. Tony went to hand it back and saw the name painted on its side. TON-E it read. A few days ago, he would have thrown a fit and lost his temper, but this time he found it rather amusing.
Tony handed the bot back over and smirked. "Cute name," he said, before sauntering off, catching Bucky's reflection in the glass doors of his workshop, a blush across the soldier's cheeks.
It occurred to Tony that perhaps there was a chance they could get along, especially if he could get away with teasing the man for a little while. Tony was a natural born teasing sort, and if Bucky couldn't handle that, he wouldn't last long with them. If he could take the teasing, then friendship would be sure to follow.