Chapter Twenty-Six: With Reckless Abandon

~It feels like a tear in my heart
Like a part of me missing
And I just can't feel it
I've tried and I've tried
And I've tried

Tears on my face I can't take it
If lonely is a taste then it's all that I'm tasting
Do you hear my cry?
I cry, oh

Can you hold me?
Can you hold me?
Can you hold me in your arms?

Just wrap me in your arms, in your arms
I don't wanna be nowhere else
Take me from the dark, from the dark
I ain't gonna make it myself
Put your arms around me
Put your arms around me
Let your love surround me
I am lost

"Dude! What took you so long?" Sam asked the moment his older brother slid into the driver's side of the Impala.

"Sorry, Sammy," Dean apologized, shaking his head and slamming the door shut, "Apparently I killed somebody's mom."

Sam stared at him with eyes as round as quarters.

"Y-you did w-what?" He stuttered, softly. Dean rolled his eyes with a huff.

"Not me!" He said, annoyed, "The leviathans, Sam. Remember when they dressed up as us and shot up that diner?"

"Oh. Yeah, right."

"Really?"

"You just caught me off guard there for a second! I'm sorry!" Sam defended, raising his hands in the air. Dean staired at him, his brows raised.

"Yeah, man! I totally shot some ol' lady instead of helping her cross the street." His voice dripped with sarcasm and he glared at his younger brother. Sam just shrugged.

"Well, it wouldn't exactly be the first time..." He muttered under his breath. Dean shook his head and sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Please tell me you found Jack," He said switching topics. Sam frowned and his eyes flicked to the screen of his laptop.

"Uh-I-I, um. Well, no," He sighed.

"What?" Dean asked sharply, his tone almost a warning.

"His phone is either off or out of batteries," Sam reported. Dean took a deep breath before responding.

"So, you mean to tell me that we lost the kid? The cosmic two year old who's having an anxiety attack, and we have no way of finding him?" Dean's voice rose with his anger. With another sigh, Sam nodded.

"That's about the size of it."

Dean drew a long breath in through his nose and held it for a moment before releasing it through his mouth. His knuckles were white with his tight grip on the steering wheel. It had been almost 45 minutes since Jack had gone all C4 in Times Square and if Dean knew anything about that boy it was this: The longer Jack was left in his panicked and guilt wrought state, the higher the chance was that someone would get hurt. Or dead.

"We gotta find him, Sam."

"I know."

Dean looked up.

"Then what have you been doing this whole time?" He asked. His pointed tone was almost accusing. Sam swallowed deeply and cleared his throat, shifting in his seat.

"Well, you, uh-y-you told me to poke around and find some stuff out about Marty. So, I-I did."

Dean shot his brother a look.

"Sammy, I really don't think now's the time."

"I know that," Sam defended, "But I really think you should take a look at some of this stuff."

Dean was about to reply but the ringing of his phone cut him off. He didn't dare hope it was Jack as he held up a finger and reached for the phone. Marty's name was displayed on the screen along with a picture of the zebra from the Madagascar movie. He slid his finger to answer and placed the phone against his ear.

"Yeah, kid, now's not really the best time so-"

"Lemme guess, you guys lost your adult-toddler?" She said, her voice holding a shred of worry.

"Yeah. How'd you know?" Dean asked, glancing at Sam who shrugged.

"Cause he's here," Marty replied, simply. Dean's eyes flew open as wide as quarters.

"He's with you?" He asked, confirming.

"Jack's with Marty?" Sam whispered. Dean didn't like the flicker of concern that washed over Sam's face but Marty was talking again so he could deal with that later.

"Yeah, he's with me," She said, sounding hesitant, "But, Dean, he's really not looking too good. I, ah- don't think he's okay."

"That's 'cause he's not," Dean replied.

"What happened?"

"Times Square happened."

"Times Square? What in the-" Marty paused. There were some shuffling sounds and faint muttering; Dean had to strain to hear. "Shhh, Jack, its okay buddy- No, put that down!- It's okay. You're fine, everything's fine!" There was more indistinct mumbling and some more shuffling noises. "Anyway, what?"

Dean made a face but continued.

"Yeah, no clue what happened. One second everything's fine, next second BOOM and the kid's gone." Dean wasn't sure what response he was planning on but the one he got was certainly not it.

"How stupid are you?" Marty asked, incredulously.

"Uh, I'm sorry?"

"What? Ya take a two year old to- to that place and you expect him not to flip out? What were you thinking?" She exclaimed.

"Whoa, whoa! Did you just parent me?" Dean's eyes were wide with disbelief as he did a double-take on what he had just heard.

"Yeah, I did!"

"She's kinda got a point," Sam whispered, half chuckling. Dean rolled his eyes and focused back on the phone.

"Since when were you his mother?" Dean inquired in a 'I'm-the-older-person-so-I'm-superior' sort of way.

"Since right now, apparently! You would think that three guys would be able to do the job but, dang! This kid needs a female presence in his life!" Marty scolded. Dean threw his hands in the air, slightly frustrated with being called out.

"Okay, so my parenting skills are a little rusty, sue me!"

"A little rusty? Try non-existent!"

"That's a little harsh."

"Look at 'im! Poor thing's two and he already got anxiety!"

Sam was biting his finger trying not to laugh and Dean shot him a warning glare. It didn't do much.

"Can you just put the kid on the phone?" Dean huffed.

"I would but I really don't think he can carry a conversation right now."

Sam's laughter stopped and he frowned at his older brother with concern.

"Marty, what's Jack doing?" He asked, raising his voice and leaning towards the receiver.

"He is in the fetal position, my dudes," Marty announced, sounding very matter-of-fact.

"Is he doing anything else?" Sam pressed.

"Well, I think he might be trying to cut himself 'cause there's this knife he keeps appearing into his hands and- Ugh, not again!" Dean could hear the sound of something metallic clanking against a table. "Stop it with the knives kid!"

"Marty?" Dean addressed.

"Yeah?"

"Marty, I want you to stay with Jack and try to keep him from doing something stupid, we're coming back but we won't be there for a while. Kay? Can you do that?" Dean tried to speak calmly as he put the car in gear and pulled out of the parking garage.

"Adventures in baby-sitting an apportative suicidal toddler. Oh yippidy-do-da-day," Marty dead-panned.

"Can you do that?" Dean repeated.

"Of course I can. But if he decides to go AWOL there's nothing I'll be able to do about it," She replied.

"That's fine. Odds are he won't leave."

"What if he does though?"

"Put your phone in his pocket so we can trace him," Dean directed.

"Yeah, okay." Something had changed in the girl's voice.

"You good, kid?"

"Um, what if his eyes and hands start glowing and I feel like I've been rubbing a balloon on a sweater except, like, ten times that and the lights are flickering and- Oh my gosh, what do I do?!" Several loud pops sounded from the other side of the phone accompanied by the raining of shattered glass.

Dean glanced at his brother and their gazes met with widened eyes. Both of them looked back at the phone and shouted in unison.

"MARTY, RUN!"

"MARTY, RUN!" The brothers shouted. They didn't need to tell me twice.

Papers were flying around the room even though there was nowhere for wind to come from. The lights had been flickering but now a few had exploded and sparks were showering down. Jack's eyes were glowing like molten gold and I could feel the waves of power radiating off of him. It was a tangible force that vibrated in my bones with a message.

'Not human,' it screamed as I stared, wide eyed at the cowering boy. 'Dangerous' it reminded me.

Jack's eyes weren't glowing the same shade as they had a few days earlier. Now they were less golden and more of a darker ochre. They were less beautiful and more... deadly.

I decided that it was time to get out of there.

"You said my life isn't a movie but it's really starting to feel like one!" I shouted to Isaac as I scampered towards the exit of the library.

"All this excitement and its only eight in the morning!" He called back, deflecting a chair from its dangerous path as it came hurtling towards me. Okay, so maybe 'psychic ghost brother' wasn't an impairment after all.

Suddenly, Jack was blocking my way, his hand clenching around my wrist like a vice. The bones made a sound that faintly reminded me of Rice Crispy's and that wasn't a comforting notion.

"Marty!" Isaac shouted in alarm. I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye but I couldn't do much else.

"Wait," Jack ground out through clenched teeth. His voice was sharp, and his eyes were sharper. I swallowed thickly.

'He could kill me,' I realized.

That moment, I looked into those glowing eyes and I felt those strange waves of power pulse through me and the reality of what the boy in front of me really was sank into my bones.

That moment was the first time I was ever truly afraid of Jack Kline.

"Jack, you're hurting me," I said, keeping my voice as calm and level as I could. It was a difficult thing to do when looking sheer cosmic power straight in the eye.

Then Jack's eyes softened, and that moment was over as soon as it had come. His gaze shifted to the death-grip he had on my wrist and a look of confusion washed over his face, quickly followed by realization and guilt. Jack immediately drew his hand away as if my wrist were burning him. Looking back to my face, his eyes searched mine and whatever he found there filled his eyes with regret. He drew in a shuddering breath, looking like a scared little boy again.

"You're scared," He said, despairingly, "You're scared of me."

"I don't think you would hurt me on purpose, Jack. But you're kinda freaking me out here, buddy." I chuckled, nerves straining my voice.

Jack blinked twice, his lips parting as he eyed me in strange way. It was almost distrustful, but it wasn't directed at me. The distrust was aimed at himself; it filled his eyes. I reached out to touch his shoulder and he glanced at my hand. He shook his head fearfully, his eyebrows pulling together as he stumbled away.

"I-I'm sorry!" He choked out, guilt drenching his tone. Jack closed his eyes and took a deep, shuddering breath. The action almost seemed painful but with it the chaos faded from the room. The blood on his hands and arms just sort of disappeared and when Jack opened his eyes, they had returned to their beautiful blue.

"It's okay, puppy. I'm okay," I reassured, wearing a tight smile on my face.

"I didn't mean to!" He insisted.

"I know." I didn't mean to be cold but I needed to keep my voice calm for both our sakes. Cold was the best I could do.

"Did I hurt you very bad?" Jack asked, his gaze drifting down to the purpleish-blackish ring already forming around my wrist.

"I'm fine." I waved my hand, nonchalantly. Big mistake. Something was definitely broken. Actually, probably multiple somethings. It hurt. It hurt a lot.

Jack watched my pained expression and decided not to take my bull-crap. He grasped my hand as gently as he could and placed a palm over the bruising. A warm tingling surged through me and it sorta made me feel tired but when Jack lifted his hand palm away, the bruises were gone.

"Neat," I remarked, but Jack wasn't done. He laced our fingers together and looked me in the eyes.

"Please don't leave me," He begged in a whisper.

"Okay." I nodded and Jack copied me, eyeing his shoes. "Do you need a hug?" I asked. He looked like he did.

"Whoa, whoa! Bad idea, Marty!" Isaac warned me. I ignored him, flipping up my middle finger behind my back for him to see. Isaac just groaned.

Jack glanced up to my eyes and then back down at his nervously shuffling feet, giving a tiny nod.

I smirked and wrapped my arms around his waist, resting my head on his chest in a sort of cuddle-hug because the top of my head only came up to his sternum.

"Yeah, sorry I'm not the best shoulder to cry on; my shoulder doesn't exactly meet the height requirement but you're welcome to cry into my hair if you'd like." I chuckled a bit, trying to make light of whatever was currently going on.

Whatever response I had been expecting from Jack wasn't what I got. Maybe I had been expecting a tiny laugh or maybe a little squeeze or something; I don't know. But what I wasn't expecting was for Jack to slide his hands under my arms and hoist me up like I was a little kid. Lifting me until I could wrap my arms around his neck. Then he wrapped his arms tight around me and buried his face in my shoulder, which couldn't have been the most comfortable position as I have very bony shoulders. The boy's movements were smooth and effortless; he didn't even have to lean back to support my weight. I know I didn't weigh very much but Jack didn't look particularly muscular, he looked more like a string bean, so I guessed his strength must have been an angel thing.

"Uh, pedophilia much?" Isaac grimaced as he moved from behind me into my new line of sight. Disgust was prevalent on his face. I winked.

"Good thing I have no physical boundaries, otherwise this would be sorta awkward," I said to both my brother and Jack.

"I'm sorry," Jack muttered. He started to lift his head and pull away but I just tightened my hold around his neck.

"Never apologize for needing a hug, my dude. Just tell me before you pick me up next time, 'kay?" I said, tapping the side of his knee with my foot that was dangling about eight inches from the floor.

"Okay," He mumbled, settling back into his original position.

"Oh geez! Gag me with a spoon!" Isaac groaned dramatically. I stuck my tongue out at him and he pretended to gag.

"You-you're so small..." Jack sighed. He spoke so quietly I almost didn't catch what he'd said.

Normally, I would have snapped back with some snarky remark, but Jack's words didn't seem like an insult. There was a certain measure of guilt in his tone, like he was talking more to himself than he was to me. He sounded like the prosecution appealing to a jury; presenting evidence as to why an offender should be punished for his crimes. It almost seemed as if he was seeking out reasons to condemn himself.

"Maybe," I said, squeezing a little tighter, "But I don't break so easy."

I could feel Jack smile a tiny bit before he gently lowered me back to the ground.

"Why are you so kind to me?" Jack asked, searching my face for any signs of a lie. I shrugged.

"I dunno! I'm just a nice person, I guess," I answered with a cheeky grin.

On the sidelines, Isaac rolled his eyes and groaned.

"Oh, get a room you two!" He complained. I tried to keep the smirk off my face but it wasn't working. An idea popped into my mind and I knew what I needed to say.

"Well, this place is a mess," I commented, sweeping my arm in reference to the wreckage that could now hardly be called a library.

The smile melted from Jack's face and he nodded, looking back down at his feet.

"I-I'm sorry," He apologized again.

"Don't be! I ain't cleaning it up!" I said laughing a bit. I moved my hand to Jacks shoulder to get his attention and he looked up at me. "You know, my brother says we should go your room to chill out for a bit and I totally agree with him. Whattdya say?"

In the corner of my eye, Isaac's head instantly shot up. His eyes were wide and he regarded me with an expression of sheer terror.

"No, no! I was joking, Marty! I was joking!" He cried.

As much as I loved messing with my brother I thought it best I clear up the situation before I gave the poor ghost a heart attack.

"You wanna go talk about what happened?" I asked gently. Isaac visibly relaxed and I made a mental note to tease him about it later.

Jack on the other hand, had an opposite reaction. He backed away from me, shaking his head, his eyes filling with dread.

"No. No, I don't- I-I can't- I-"

"Jack? You okay? What's wrong?" I took a step towards him but he stumbled away again.

"No, I-I need- You need to st-stay back!" His eyes glazed over and that faraway look returned from earlier. The thousand-yard stare didn't belong on a child's face.

"Jack? You're okay, buddy. You're right here, in the library in the bunker," I reassured. My words seemed to go in one ear and out the other.

"Leave me alone. Leavemealone!" Jack whimpered. I stopped moving forward; getting any closer to the all-powerful two-year-old having hysterics didn't seem like a good idea.

"Jack, I promise you're okay."

"No! Jus-just get away from me!"

Jack's eyes flickered gold.

All it took was a flick of his wrist.

Jack made a tiny shoving motion with his hands and a blast of energy slammed into my chest like a truck. The force of the blow put a back spin on me as it sent me hurtling backward through the entrance to the library. A loud snap rebounded around the entrance chamber as my thigh crashed into the side of the glowy table. The inertia of the blast carried me over it, my body rolling like a log. I rolled off the opposite end of the table and dropped to the ground, sliding my way across the floor until my head cracked against a pole.

The whole world blurred and tilted as I blinked a few times and tried to stand. My thigh screamed at me to stop trying to get up, it was definitely broken but I knew it would heal. Although, that would probably be a hard thing to explain later.

So, instead of getting to my feet, I pushed myself into a sitting position against the pole and looked up just in time to see the glow fade from Jack's eyes. Horror and guilt and shame and despair flooded his features as he shook his head vigorously, his hand lowering to rest at his side.

"No!" He gasped out, "Not you! Please! Anybody but you!" His voice trembled as he begged, as if trying to make a deal with some unseen force. Jack scrubbed at his reddened eyes and tugged at his hair, grimacing with pain and desperation. "I didn't mean to! Please!"

But that unseen force wasn't making any deals with the son of darkness.

"I'm so sorry," He whispered. Then, with a fluttering of wing-beats, Jack was gone.

It feels like a tear in my heart
Like a part of me is missing
And I just can't feeling
I've tried and I've tried
And I've tried

Tears on my face I can't take it
If lonely is a taste then it's all that I'm tasting
Do you hear my cry?
I cry, oh

Just wrap me in your arms, in your arms
I don't wanna be nowhere else
Take me from the dark, from the dark
I ain't gonna make it by myself
Put your arms around me
Put your arms around me
Let your love surround me
I am lost~

Lyrics from: Can You Hold Me by NF