25.

Hermione:

I'm listening?

Ginny Weasley is a determined woman, she never gives up. That quality of hers is a blessing for sports, for example, because she didn't get discouraged under pressure, but she also becomes a curse when she's your friend and she's trying to get you to tell her the truth...

Hermione wrote on her parchment without taking her eyes off her book. She was summarizing Chapter 10 of Transfiguration, which they would study in three weeks, since she had finished all her homework for today, Chapter 8, and had already outlined what the next class would work on. She was definitely running late. She would have to be four classes ahead of the syllabus at least. She was wasting too much time with her friends! And with Pansy... She had to stop putting off her studies to spend so much extra time with her...

"A galleon for your thoughts."

She was startled by the words, lifting her head. Ginny had an angelic smile, sitting in one of the free chairs. Hermione looked away, regretting her luck. Ginny was never supposed to go into the library! She had managed to avoid being alone with her for more than a week, but now she was in front of her. She was cornered.

"What are you doing here?"

"Seeing my best friend," Ginny said, resting her elbows on the table and her head in her hands.

"And Luna?" She asked, wanting anyone to enter the library and save her.

She was making sure lately that she was almost always with Harry and Ron, with Luna, or in the Great Hall; always with people. All these days she had set up something similar to a human barrier so that Ginny couldn't talk to her about... That...

"In class."

"And you're not?" She couldn't help sounding scolding in her tone, almost forgetting the fear she felt.

"Luna will lend me her notes later," she replied, waving her hand to dismiss the subject.

"You can't miss class!" She complained, dropping the pen abruptly.

"I was running out of options to catch you off guard," she explained, and Hermione remembered what she had feared.

She had certainly been counting on Ginny, who was a year younger, to be in Care of Magical Creatures. But of course she was going to skip her classes if she felt like it! Why didn't that possibility occur to her?

"You should go back to class right now."

"Hagrid won't be angry."

She huffed, knowing it was true, he wouldn't bother...

"Hermioneee," she crooned.

The aforementioned, on the contrary, fixed her eyes on her books, wanting to ignore her.

"If you wanted to learn how to put on makeup, you could have asked me."

Hermione tensed in the seat, but did not respond, pretending to read (she would have read for real, but it was impossible to concentrate with the strong pumping of her heart).

"Although you may not like my more traditional teaching methodology…"

"I don't want to learn makeup," she muttered.

"Let me finish the joke!" She complained.

Hermione had a strong desire to strike her down.

"But Parkinson," she resumed, making Hermione gulp nervously, "she's been teaching you more… Practically. It sure is fun that way. Don't you think?"

"You're misunderstanding everything," she croaked.

That confused Ginny, who narrowed her eyes, waiting for her to explain.

"She was just bothering me."

"Annoying," she repeated, not quite associating her words.

"She… She said it was ridiculous that I never wore makeup."

"You did it for the dance last year."

"That does not count."

An almost imperceptible "aha" escaped Ginny's lips.

"Then she put her lipstick on me," she lied.

Since Ginny didn't say anything, she reinforced:

"Nothing else happened. She was just being heavy on me".

Hermione, at the silence, pulled the book closer to her, leafing through it.

"I see," Ginny hissed, after endless seconds of silence. "It was so obvious! Of course it was just that, she grabbed her lipstick to spread it all over your face. A joke." Hermione flinched at her words, knowing they were drenched in sarcasm. "What do you think I am?" She added, slapping her hands on the table (and earning the librarian's annoyance). "Not even a stupid troll would believe that nonsense Hermione."

"But…"

"I've kissed more people than you," she cut her off. "I know what mouths look like when you kiss them with lipstick."

Hermione blushed up to her ears.

"I can explain," she stammered.

"Maybe Harry and Ron will buy into that nonsense, because they've only kissed each other," she said grumpily, "but I can't believe you think you can fool me like this!"

"Ginny," she stopped her. "What do you mean Harry and Ron…?"

"Long story," she excused herself with a hint of a smile, but immediately became serious: "And don't change the subject on me, Hermione Granger."

"Nothing happened!" She exclaimed.

"Nothing? Is that nothing? KISS…?!" Hermione's hands covered her mouth, preventing her from finishing the sentence.

"We're in the library," she challenged, eyes wide.

"Hmnp!" Ginny complained. As Hermione still kept her hands on her face so she wouldn't speak and looked around to see that no one had heard anything, she stuck out her tongue, licking her palm.

"Ginny, how disgusting!"

She jumped away from her and looked at her drool covered hand in outrage.

"You were suffocating me," she defended herself.

Hermione didn't reply. She reached for her wand to clean herself.

"If you don't want to talk about this in the library, we can go somewhere else. But you're not going to keep escaping me!"

"Okay," she growled.

She jumped up from the table, grabbing all her things (including her winter cloak hung neatly over her seat) and walked toward the exit. Ginny wasted no time following her, knowing that if Hermione strayed too far, she would slip away again.

"So?" She started again, once they left the castle.

There was a little less snow, as it hadn't snowed these last few days, but still most of the Hogwarts courtyard was still dressed in white.

"I don't know what you want me to say," Hermione murmured, clutching the scarf to her face and reaching into her pockets for her gloves.

"Did you kiss Parkinson?"

Hermione didn't answer, hugging the Transfiguration book to her chest. Ginny, meanwhile, finished adjusting her coat.

"I know you did. We left you with Parkinson, I doubt that you have gone to see someone else…"

"Yes," she confessed, very low, if it weren't for the fact that they were so close to each other, Ginny would have missed her words.

"What?"

"I kissed her," she murmured.

Ginny could see Hermione's ears were already red. And it was too soon for them to be like this because of the cold.

"You kissed Pansy Parkinson," she said, shaking her head to herself. "Really."

Hermione felt, as well as embarrassed, scared. She had said it. Admitting this in front of Pansy, the one involved, was totally different than telling her friend.

Perhaps, deep down, the idea of two women together was still strange to her. She was not like Ginny, Ron, Luna, Pansy… The last few years she lived like them, as a witch, it is true, but she did not stop having the other part of her life as well, as a Muggle. She watched television, read books, studied for more than 6 years in non-magical institutions, as a muggle. Of course she heard her classmates make fun of some other more "effeminate" boy! Of course, if she went home hand in hand with a woman, it would be weird! She knows that her parents, grandparents, neighbors, expect a boyfriend with her, not something else. She knows. She understands that this is not bad, but for half her life it was. What is she supposed to do?

Her rational side told her that Ginny herself was with women, that her panic was ridiculous. But it was new, all this was so unexpected... Ginny was Ginny, something like that is not unusual for her. But was that okay with Hermione too?

"For someone who is studying all the time, you have too much social life"

"Sorry?" Hermione snapped out of her trance, but she didn't hear well.

"Harry hasn't had a date yet, he's in crisis for facing Cho. Ron was rejected by you." She paused for a moment, feeling herself being observed accusingly. "What? Everyone believed that you guys would end up together. Well, maybe you will. It would be an interesting plot twist… I wouldn't complain about you being a Weasley."

"My life is not a story, Ginny."

"How bitter," she stammered childishly. "Whatever. I'm just saying that you are quite a heartbreaker…"

"I'm not," she screamed indignantly.

"I don't understand why you don't tell Harry and Ron these things."

"Telling you was not something I chose. It happened because you forced me."

A proud smile appeared on Ginny's face.

"And it's good that I did! Because your head would have exploded if I didn't take care of cleaning and getting things out of there from time to time."

Hermione pouted, pressing her book closer to her chest.

The girls walked in silence for a while, until they came to a tree with thick roots, on which Ginny cast a spell to remove some of the snow so they could sit on it. Hermione was grateful that she understood, without the need for words, that she needed a moment of silence. Perhaps her face had given her away.

"Did something happen?" she asked. "Is Parkinson avoiding you now or something?"

"What?" Hermione frowned. "No."

"Then why do you have that expression? You didn't even get like that when you got an Acceptable in Potions."

"That Acceptable doesn't say anything," she defended herself, straightening up. "It was Ron's fault, he didn't listen to me and threw in more monkshood than the book said."

"Does that grade still hurt you?" She scoffed, unable to contain a laugh.

Hermione sighed, now shrinking in on herself.

"I never thought that I… I'm not supposed to like them," she said, very low.

"Hey? What do you not like?"

"Pansy… She…" She sighed heavily, thinking.

"Then why did you kiss her?" She interrupted her, tilting her head, already quite confused.

"What?"

"If you do not like her…"

"I like Pansy," she corrected her, but as soon as she said it, she looked down. "But I'm not supposed to."

"Because she's a stupid Slytherin and definitely not better than me?"

Hermione looked at her with an arched brow.

"What? What other reason could there be?"

"She's a woman. And so am I. We're both women."

"Are you describing obvious things or...?"

"Forget it," she got angry, looking away.

Ginny kept re-calculating, her head pointed skyward. Hermione on the other hand snuggled up better, starting to get cold.

"Listen," she called, "I don't understand. For me you must always do what you want, and let people put their opinions where they fit best." She looked Hermione in the eye before continuing. "It's new, I know. I'm not an idiot, I still remember your first reaction when I told you I kissed Mandy. But you know there is nothing wrong with it. We have several classmates who also like the same gender! Nobody will tell you anything. And if they do, I'll make them swallow slugs."

Hermione laughed at Ginny's last sentence.

"Thanks. I know, you are right."

Ginny nodded proudly and lunged for her to hug her.

"Stop thinking so much. I know you won't, but seriously Hermione, breathe!"

Between soft laughs, she hugged Ginny back and then murmured:

"Are we going in now? Unlike you, I'm not missing classes."

. . .

Before entering the Transfiguration room, Ginny ordered her to tell Harry and Ron these things as soon as possible, assuring her that she should not be afraid of their reactions. In addition to warning, of course, that if she took too long, she was going to end up spilling her secret. Possibly it was a disguised threat.

She looked around, noticing that Pansy had already entered class. She was on the table instead of the seats, talking to Rachel and Sophie. Harry and Ron hadn't arrived yet, so giving herself a little encouragement, she dared to walk to the Slytherin side of the room. It reminded her of when in History of Magic she sat next to Pansy, without asking her permission. And even though that was the first time she did it, this moment made her a little more nervous.

With Viktor things were certainly easier. He was looking for her, and honestly, if he didn't it didn't affect her either. It was like being with a friend, but one who was very handsome and attentive to her. Instead, being with Pansy was overwhelming. Stifling and wonderful at the same time.

When she reached them, she heard Rachel say:

"I liked the previous Spellbound album better."

"And the slow dance song ?" Sophie countered.

"Well, it's a very good song. But the previous one had more than one, it was better."

Pansy stopped looking at her friends to focus on Hermione.

"You're finally here!" She mocked. "I think I'm becoming a better student than you."

"You wish," she scolded her and her gaze drifted to Rachel and Sophie, who had stopped talking. In a shy way she greeted them: "Hello."

The girls responded to her greeting. Hermione couldn't be sure, but from the way her eyes bounced from her to Pansy, with little concealed smiles, she would have risked saying that unlike her, Pansy did tell her friends about things. She swallowed hard, feeling more nervous now. Just like Ginny, letting the rest know made it more real.

"And Potter? Weasley?"

"I don't know," she mused, worrying now that they were late for class. "I was with Ginny."

Pansy slid off the table to move to the empty seats behind her friends. She sat there.

"Then stay here."

She was surprised, though she tried to hide it, and obeyed, sitting down. She put her book on the table, noticing that she was squeezing it harder than normal, so her hands were a bit numb.

Rachel and Sophie turned around a bit, so they could see them as they talked.

"Do you like it? Spellbound."

"Sure, they're fine, I listened to a couple of songs," she replied to Sophie.

"Just a couple?" Rachel repeated in disbelief.

"Actually, I usually listen to Muggle music. Beyond what my roommates sometimes put on…"

"How crazy," Rachel started to say. Though she couldn't focus on the rest of her words, because of Pansy. From the corner of her eye she saw how she was staring at her, as if she were analyzing something. Was it necessary to look at her like this in front of her friends?

Luckily McGonagall walked in and forced everyone to shut up. She wouldn't have to answer whatever the girls had been saying. Also, to her relief, Pansy settled into the seat and looked straight ahead. Hermione gave a quick tour of the room, surprised that her best friends weren't here yet. What would they be doing?

"We'll take the first part of the class to introduce and understand the new topic, so put your wands away and get your quills out please," McGonagall began.

When she got to the desk, for an extra second, her eyes fell on Hermione, and then she looked over at the Gryffindor sector. She didn't say anything, but she was betting she was drawing conclusions about Harry and Ron.

She turned her head to Pansy, who was writing today's date on her parchment. That day her nails were painted burgundy. Hermione frowned at that. Was this Slytherin so hell-bent on breaking the rules? That wasn't even sneaky.

"You like them?" Pansy whispered, with an almost imperceptible smile.

"They're pretty," she admitted reluctantly. "But if Professor McGonagall sees them…"

"She won't see them."

"You can't know that."

"I'll hide my hands if she passes by, I've already done it many times."

"Don't say it so proudly. It is not okay to break the rules."

Pansy pursed her lips, so a mocking laugh wouldn't escape her lips.

"I didn't say anything funny," she said indignantly.

"You're too upright to be true," she complained, shaking her head.

Hermione wanted to defend herself, but McGonagall began to explain the class. She was taking quick notes, almost an exact copy of the words the teacher was saying. Pansy on the other hand was more of "keywords." It didn't surprise her, seeing that afterward most of the Slytherin's work had "Expand" marked at the end.

The teacher gave the students a couple of questions, to answer in ten minutes with the help of the book, and then they would discuss them together. Hermione was quick, already knowing exactly where the answers were.

"Hey," Pansy said. "Where did you find the differences between…?"

"I won't give you the answers," she cut her off without letting her finish.

Pansy snorted and muttered "I had to try."

As Hermione finished much earlier, but did not have enough free time left to continue with Chapter 10 that she started in the library, she began to neatly arrange her papers on the table. Pansy ran her finger over the lines in her own book. The classroom was quiet, so in aside from the noise of some quills moving on the paper, she only heard the sighs of boredom from the Slytherin next to her. She found the peace and atmosphere of the moment pleasant, so she sighed as well, just from her pleasure. She closed her eyes, enjoying the calm. She wasn't sure why, but it was different having her as a seatmate than Harry or someone else. A tingling spread through her chest and the desire to move a little and get closer to Pansy escaped her mind. There was a strange warmth, almost choking her, like it was burning her throat, but instead of pain, it was satisfying. If she got closer, what would it be like? Would she notice a perfume or the characteristic smell of her clothes? Would Pansy move, or would she stay still? And her hair...

"Well," McGonagall said in an authoritative tone, making her panic and forcing her to open her eyes. "That's enough time. Does anyone want to start with the first question?" The teacher looked to Hermione, out of clear habit.

But she felt slightly out of place. How long had she had her eyes closed? Even the light bothered her when she opened them. She straightened in her chair and looked down at her scrolls.

"Professor," said a Slytherin student who sat further up the front. "Should I read my answer?"

Hermione's seconds of distraction and confusion gave another a chance, for which Pansy raised one of her eyebrows, silently asking her what the hell she was thinking about. Hermione shook her head. As her classmate read her response, she managed to calm down, and was the next to offer to participate in the class. When a third also contributed their answers, Hermione returned, helplessly, to meditate in silence.

"I really like a woman," she repeated, as if it were not obvious, because she had not already internalized it despite saying it so many times all these days. The conversation with Ginny hadn't helped. She was right but… It was weird, she felt misunderstood. Her friend did not experience it the same way. Unlike Hermione and Harry, she doesn't...

Hermione's eyes widened in amazement.

"Harry," she murmured.

Pansy turned to her.

"I remembered something," she explained. The other nodded at her, still looking at her suspiciously; knowing she was acting strange.

Inside, Hermione felt some relief spreading and calming her. Maybe Ginny was right about something: she could talk about the things she was thinking with others. She had to tell Harry and Ron things. Besides, she needed it. She especially wanted to talk about this with Harry, her only friend who also lived as a Muggle. She required that side, words from someone who better understood her conflict, because she wanted not to feel fear, to enjoy that pleasant feeling that Pansy gave her without any guilt eating away at her.

At the end of class Rachel and Sophie came forward, saying they had plans with other friends of hers.

"I can't believe you like this stuff," Pansy complained, as they walked down the hall.

"Professor McGonagall's classes are exceptional. I consider her to be one of the best teachers at Hogwarts."

Pansy shrugged, not understanding Hermione's fascination.

"We have a trip to Hogsmeade in a few days," she commented, staring straight ahead and not noticing Hermione's nod. "Do you already have something planned? With Potter or the Weasleys…"

"No, we haven't talked about anything yet. Maybe we will go to The Three Broomsticks, as always. Why?"

"I thought maybe we could do something."

"Both of us?" She asked, starting to get excited. "What will we do?"

"Uh... walk around?" She hesitated, a nervous tone seeping into her words.

"Sounds good," she agreed.

"Great," she said with a smile.

"Yeah, great," she repeated with a giggling laugh.

Although she didn't show it so as not to hurt Pansy's pride, she couldn't help but think that her last words were adorable. Besides not being sure if she could say much more if she tried, being still surprised, happy and nervous… Because she had agreed to go on a date with her.

"This is a date, right?" she wondered then. Pansy hadn't said it was. It was? It was not? What were the two of them? Hermione sighed, a little saturated already with so many doubts.