"I don't want to go to work today..."

"Shinji-kun, it's quite alright."

"But how we left..."

"You'll be okay. I'll be with you."

He nodded, heaving a heavy sigh. The last time he'd seen his coworkers, he was in a skirt and had been carried out by Kaworu. There was no way that Asuka wouldn't let him hear the end of it. Maybe even Toji wouldn't either despite also having to wear a skirt that day.

He'd noticed the café was already open and it seemed everyone was already gathered. Asuka was texting while leaning against the counter and Rei was pointing out some things to Toji. For once he didn't see Kensuke, and was slightly glad because he didn't know how he felt about him always recording everyone.

"I wonder what's going on! It's rare that we're the last ones to arrive!"

Walking in, everyone stopped what they were doing to look over at the couple.

As awkward as that was, Shinji couldn't help but gaze at a pile of rice with incense sticking out around a framed picture of him in the skirt. He stared at it before turning to walk out.

"Pfffft hahaha! Don't leave! We're just getting started."

Kaworu had gone up to inspect the shrine, picking up the picture to admire, "Who framed this?"

Asuka was snickering, "I totally did. We needed a momento to always remember café Nerv's opposite day. It's only right."

Kaworu nodded, "That is fair, but let's give Shinji-kun some time to breathe after having quite a day." He slipped the picture into his laptop bag, walking over to his normal seat and sitting down.

"Oh I should be saying that to you. You're a wild animal for taking him away from work and wearing him out. I had to train Toji on my own yesterday!"

Rei happened to walk over, noticed the framed picture was missing, and went to retrieve a second one to replace it from her own bag, "I have an announcement. That's why we're all here so early. It's from the owner."

"I have a good feeling about this."

Rei pulled out her phone, reading aloud, "As of today, there will be a new system implemented to reward the staff of café Nerv for their excellent work. Reviews are in and the café has gotten 4.7 out of 5 stars. To boost morale and heighten spirits, it is with the utmost delight that each month, the staff nominate an employee of the month to recognize their peers for their hard work and dedication."

Asuka loudly laughed, "Employee of the month! My time has come! Everyone knows I do the most around here!"

Shinji piped in, "But there's an even number of us. How will we decide each month?"

Rei nodded, "Allow me to continue. He says it's up to us to decide. So I thought we could do a game or specific task if we end up having a tie."

Asuka was practically skipping.

Toji sighed, "I just got here so I'm not expecting that anytime soon. I don't really care about stuff like that."

Rei snickered, "Well, we have our first employee of the month nominated in a landslide."

"Oh yeah? Who's that?"

Rei just pointed to the framed image of Shinji in the skirt, nestled in place before the rice and incense.

Toji nodded, "Yeah, I'll have to give you that one. I mean he's got his own shrine."

Asuka snickered, "So what should his reward be for being the first one?"

Kaworu grinned, "I can think of a thing or two."

"Oh no guys, nevermind, he already got his reward, clearly. This animal over here gave it to him all night long. Tone it down loverboy."

Shinji had to sit down, doing so at his boyfriend's table and running his hands through his short brown hair, "This is a bit much..."

"Nonsense! You were absolutely adorable, Shinji-kun! The votes are in!"

He could only look down and blush a bit in response to Kaworu calling him adorable.

Rei thought aloud, "The reward should be something in here. I think for now, his reward was his day off yesterday. We're going to be coming to the end of the month before we know it. So everyone, we shall put in our best efforts and think up a good tie breaker for next time."

Toji pointed, "Hey wait, does that guy get to vote!? He doesn't even work here! And it's biased as hell cause he's dating an employee! That's just not fair!"

"Oh Toji, good idea. Kaworu could be a tie breaking vote. He's always here. Why don't we make a box and have customers write the name of their vote? We'll count it in a month. We should tell people to vote only once though."

Kaworu laughed, "I might be incredibly biased. I can think of who will always have my vote when there's a lot of input, but I will be fair if it's an activity where only the employees vote and you need to break a tie. You have my word."

"Toji, does this satisfy your concerns?"

"The hell it does!"

Asuka snickered, "I thought you didn't care about stuff like this."

"IT'S ABOUT THE PRINCIPLE!"

Asuka got off the counter and walked over to the couple, pointing at the albino, "Hey. You're an artist right? Make us that box! You have to bring it tomorrow so we can start getting votes already! It's gotta be eye catching to get the customers attention!"

"Ah! I'll see what I can do! I'll make a beautiful voting box fit for such an upbeat café!"

Toji blinked, "Wait, artist? What are you talking about?"

Asuka waved a hand, "You didn't know? This guy is a painter or something. That's his job."

Toji squinted, "Like...he paints people's walls? Like a handyman type?"

"No no, like he paints paintings for a living."

Toji glared at Kaworu. Gay painter. "How...do you even make rent? Does that even pay well!?"

"My paintings are quite popular. I think when I bring in the voting box, I'll bring a painting as well to donate to the café. Can we hang it over there on that wall?"

Rei smiled, "Oh absolutely. I actually haven't seen any of your paintings before. Just the napkin drawing from some time ago. Right here is good, so that when people walk in, they can see it."

Shinji couldn't help but smile a bit at the thought. He knew he wanted to help pick the right one to bring, and knowing he could come in and see one every day, even on days Kaworu couldn't physically be there, brought on an inner peaceful feeling. He wondered if they could pick the lake, but thought one of the abstract ones might be better, as they were more eye catching overall.

Kensuke came strolling in that afternoon, giving a wave to everyone and for once not holding his camera. Without missing a beat, he greeted everyone and just sat across from Kaworu at his usual spot.

"Hello, can I help you?"

"It's too crowded to get my own seat so I thought I'd sit with someone I know!"

"Fair enough! No camera today?"

"Oh I have it! But I just came from classes so it's not set up. Mind if I borrow Ikari for a bit when he takes his lunch?"

Kaworu looked up from his laptop, "Oh? Whatever for?"

"I just want to talk to him! Oh and I wanted to talk to you too! There's gonna be a college party tonight and I got an invite. Want to come with?"

Kaworu thought for a moment, "That isn't really something I'd be interested in. I'm not much of a party goer."

"Seriously!? You who dances majestically and look like you live off edm!? Come on! It'll be fun! We should totally rave together too! That'd be awesome!"

"I'll have to decline. If Shinji-kun was going, then I'd go. But I don't think he's the type to go to an event like that either."

"Aww! Can't say I didn't try!"

Kaworu just went back to checking his emails.

Kensuke looked on, "Hey are we the same age? You don't go to a college yourself do you?"

"Ah no, I don't. I looked into it and wasn't really interested. Art schools wouldn't really suit me."

"Oh wait you're an artist!?"

"I am!"

"Dude I'm so sorry!"

Kaworu had to look up again, "Why so?"

"Isn't it hard to make money off that!?"

"It isn't if you know the right people and can convince them of your worth. Having a large following tends to help as well. When I started out, it was a bit difficult, but I had help."

"But no art school huh?"

"I make abstract art, and most programs don't really value that. They want things a certain way. I enjoy the freedom of making what I like. I also don't find myself liking to live by a strict schedule. I commend you on your ability to wake up early for classes, as I am not a morning person. I'm more of a dusk till dawn person."

"Oh but you come here every morning, don't you?"

He smiled widely, "Oh yes. I'm sure you can guess why."

Right on cue, Shinji had brought them over some waters before rushing off to take care of someone else.

Kensuke just laughed at the impeccable timing, "You're a pretty interesting guy. Mysterious too! No wonder you're able to get someone as shy as Ikari to date you! I'd been wondering about that a lot since he told me. The old Ikari would never!"

"Hmm? Never date, you mean?"

Kensuke nodded, "He probably would have run from you. Although hmm, I wonder what it would have been like if you'd have been at our school! Maybe everything would have been totally different."

"Don't give me too much credit. I wasn't exactly the same in the past. I probably would have kept to myself, just like I did at my school. I think I grew out of that awkwardness over time and I'm grateful for it. Being able to talk to people is quite enjoyable."

"You? Another shy person? No way! Can't imagine it!"

Kaworu wondered, "Can I ask what you want to talk to Shinji-kun about?"

Kensuke just shook his head, "That's a secret. I do want to be friends with you both! Then the main friend cast is complete!"

"Main cast?"

"Oh come on! Tell me you don't see it. We all have one of those friend group TV roles! You and Ikari are the friend group couple who can't get enough of each other. We have me, the upbeat one! Toji, the tough guy with a heart of gold! Ayanami, the quiet one! Asuka, the tsundere! It's sitcom 101!"

"I haven't the slightest clue of what you are talking about..."

"Have you never seen a sitcom!?"

"Growing up, I just watched animation and read manga. I guess can see how this applies.."

Kensuke slammed his hands on the table and gasped, "YOU WATCH ANIME!?"

Toji shouted from across the café, "NERD!"

"SHUT UP TOJI. WE ARE HAVING A BROMANTIC MOMENT!"

Kaworu couldn't help but laugh a bit, "I used to. Not so much anymore."

"We are sworn brothers now, Nagisa. Kin. And just for that, I have a great idea to get back at Toji for that comment. No one insults anime on my watch, no one. We're gonna prank him."

Kaworu just quirked a brow in amusement, eager to hear of this master plan.

"Hey, I'm ready to take my lunch. Would you like to go outside again? It's really nice out."

Kaworu smiled, reaching to take Shinji's hand and pull him closer, "I wanted to talk to you. I think it's overdue that I took you out somewhere nice. We're going out tonight. I was looking at the forecast and we have clear skies. It'll be perfect."

"It's a date." Shinji gave the hand in his a little squeeze, unable to help but smile widely. They'd been spending a lot of time at Kaworu's place lately, so going out on another date night was a nice change of pace.

He didn't even feel so shy anymore about them still standing inside the café when Kaworu had given him a quick kiss. When those ruby colored eyes were focused on him and they were holding hands, he felt like he was in their own little world. Let alone when he was swept into one of their kisses.

Kensuke had come over, "Ooooh I'm not interrupting am I? Ikari, do you have a minute?"

Before Shinji could answer, Kaworu said with a smile, "He's all yours!"

"Good good! Okay follow me!"

Shinji was a bit confused, but followed Kensuke outside where he was led to the nearby park.

"I just wanted to talk to you! Catch up! It's been a long time since we've seen each other. Honestly, I feel bad for not even recognizing who you were when we met again! But it's been years man!"

Socializing with someone else used to be such a challenge, yet he'd found himself able to go with the flow, "It's been nearly...4 years. That's true."

"We don't have to talk about how things have gone in that time. Haha man for me it's like a timeskip from an anime! You changed so much that I wasn't sure if you were even the same person! But I can tell a lot by now."

"You..don't seem to have changed much."

"Oh but I have too! Listen Ikari, I used to be a really passive person. Just letting everything happen as is. I really have some regrets about that and I wanted to get something off my chest."

Shinji looked over at him, "Regrets?"

"Back then, I should have tried harder to be close with you. If I would have been your friend, maybe things would have been different. I did notice you, but I just went about my own way. I even looked the other way when Toji was being an asshole. I'd just roll my eyes but never step forward to do anything. I hate the bystander effect, and I told myself after you disappeared that wasn't going to be me anymore."

"I see..."

He stopped walking, looking quite determined, "I know you've asked Toji for forgiveness but..." He bowed, "I want to ask for yours. Can you forgive me for being a passive person? I promise I won't be anymore!"

Shinji was stunned, unsure of what to do, as he hadn't been expecting that, "Uh..."

"Even I could tell that something was wrong, but I did nothing and let you get bullied on top of that. It's so, so wrong! Please forgive me."

Kensuke Aida was not wrong here. Thinking back, he wasn't the loudest person in class, but he certainly tended to withdraw a lot when anything would happen. Or just be looking on from the sidelines. Yet he didn't feel the strong need that this was something that needed forgiveness for. In fact, it wasn't ever something he'd thought about.

Shinji shifted in place. The longer Kensuke stayed bowed, the more awkward it'd gotten. He sighed, "I forgive you."

He hadn't been expecting for Kensuke to come up and hug him.

Kensuke lowered his voice, hugging tightly, "We don't always get second chances, you know? So...meeting again is like life decided to give me one. And I want to be your friend like I should have the first time."

Shinji was frozen in place. A hug and not from Kaworu. Maybe he had gotten over his fear of touch because the warmth was nice. This just seemed like a normal thing in the moment. He just hugged back, albeit not as tightly.

They parted and Kensuke had to fix his glasses, "Thanks man. It's been eating away at me since I first came to this café. I really just wanted to clear the waters with you. I know I'm always joking around but I wanted to have this conversation. I even got permission from your boyfriend to steal you away at lunch for this. It's important to me though. If there's anything you need, you just say it. Also, I can keep Toji in check. He's not a bad guy, just hot-headed."

"Do you..think he's gonna forgive me for back then?"

Kensuke smiled widely, "Can't you tell? He already has!"

He thought back to their locker room conversation days ago, "I guess I hadn't realized since he didn't say it outright.."

"He's too prideful to say it to your face yet. But he can with actions. Trust me, if he didn't forgive you, he'd still be trying to fight you."

"Toji is...he's been coming to me a lot to talk about my relationship of all things. It's a bit uncomfortable."

"Oh he's..yeah. It's his way of trying to understand you. Really he's a moron and should try a different approach. He's so straight it hurts. He's not used to seeing something other than a guy and girl together. He has a hard time understanding people like us."

Shinji blinked, "Like us!?"

Kensuke nodded, "Oh you're not the only one who likes a bit of flavor in their coffee. I may be single and ready to mingle right now but I look on both sides of the aisle if you know what I mean."

"I...huh! I wouldn't have been able to guess!"

"Tell me, really quick. Nagisa wouldn't happen to have a brother or cousin or?"

He laughed, "No, sorry."

"Aww man. Cause you two together are adorable! I can tell this guy must be rocking your world. You got the tall, lean, and handsome mysterious type at your beck and call! I want to know that story badly! Sorry to be blunt but the instant he asked if you can clock out early I knew that guy was a freak. Asking for the next day off was so funny."

Now he had to blush. It wasn't like Kensuke was wrong.

"Oh and that day when we met, he exuded an aura to where I knew you'd be fine and Toji was the one in trouble haha. The protective poodle of love was there for you instantly! You're so lucky! You seem to have a great relationship! Please! I want to hear all about it! Also those matching bracelets? Cute. Y'all should do more matching stuff! It'd be so cute!"

Kensuke was incredibly easy to talk to, and in a way, meeting someone he had more in common with was nice.

"Oh gosh! It sounds like you found true love! I mean, you even got the red threads. That's beautiful! Where did this guy even come from!? The sky? He just showed up one day and next thing you know your whole life is turned upside down in the best way. It's funny because he is the type to either blend in perfectly with the background or command his presence be known in the room when he walks in. Like I want even half that kind of confidence, please."

He had to check his phone for the time.

"Hey save my number! It's this one from the group chat! Oh, we should be getting back. You should actually be able to eat something on your lunch break! Sorry for taking up so much of your time!"

"It's no problem." Shinji actually felt happy to be adding another number to his contacts. To be making another friend.

"Give Toji time, he'll come around! You can save his number from the group chat too just in case. Don't be surprised if you get a text in the middle of the night after he's done being weird. Speaking of which, if he comes to you to ask about your relationship, I want you to do something for me. It's gonna be great."

He had to do his best to ignore Asuka making all of the skirt jokes, as he was right to know that she wouldn't be letting that go. Toji had come by to talk to him just like he'd thought he would. Getting the perspective from Kensuke earlier that he was just trying to find some common ground in some weird way was enlightening.

Toji snickered, "I gotta tell you. I do not envy the fact that you got that shrine. I don't know how long it'll be up and the rice piles are offerings which, I cannot even. I guess you had a nice day off huh?"

Shinji checked his phone, not seeing the signal text from Kensuke yet, "I guess so. I spent my time with Kaworu, so it was great."

"Isn't he here all the time? Like damn, how much time can you spend with a person in a day?"

"I...obviously I'd want to spend as much time as possible. I like being with him." He'd noticed he'd gotten a text.

Toji waved a hand, "I guess I get that. If I got a girlfriend, I'd want to spend all day with her too. I saw Hikari come by again today and I gave her a discount. Man I hope I can work up the courage to get her number. I hope she's not already taken. You remember her right? Our class president. Damn, I regret being an asshole now. I don't think I was to her though, I don't remember."

"She comes in every afternoon and is good friends with Asuka. I'm sure she can introduce you. Or I guess it'd be reintroduce since it's been some time since you've seen each other."

"Wait...but she doesn't recognize you?"

"Not really. I didn't really have a long conversation with her. That's fine though. I'm not really up for a big high school reunion. It's a bit odd that I'm running into so many people all at once lately. I really just wanted to leave all of that stuff behind.."

"Man up Ikari. Facing your past is something you're gonna have to do at some point. It doesn't have to be a big reunion but you can only move forward after you face what you left behind."

"I um, I think it might have been harder to do before, but with you guys coming along, it might be a bit easier. Wait, did you just give me advice?"

Toji shrugged, "Take it how you want, it's just the truth. I had to do something like that. I'm sure everyone in here has before."

He made a mental note to ask Kaworu about that later since he suddenly became curious.

Toji happened to grab for a cup, starting to make a coffee.

Another text from Kensuke came. The moment was arriving to kick-start the plan.

When Toji practiced making coffees, he never failed to make a personal one for himself and frankly, it hadn't been the kind of drink that Shinji had been expecting that someone as rough around the edges as Toji would enjoy. Lots of cream, lots of sugar, and he liked to make a little cute bear face on top with the cream for an extra bit of flair.

The time had arrived. Shinji had to stop himself from making any strong reactions as he'd read the text from Kensuke word for word, "Hey Toji. That coffee is very cute. I'd like one. After all, coffee art is a nice thing for someone not straight to enjoy.."

Toji froze, widened his eyes, and slowly turned his head to stare at him, "Are...you saying...that...the way I make coffee...is gay?"

Shinji was unsure of what to do next, as no other instructions had come through, "It's a bit girly looking. The bear is very nice!"

He was not expecting Toji to scream at him, "IT'S A PANDA" before picking up the cup and running across the café to Kensuke frantically.

"KENSUKE LOOK AT THIS CUP. TELL ME BEARS ARE MANLY. IS THIS CUP OF COFFEE GAY!? DID I MAKE GAY COFFEE!?"

Kensuke fixed his glasses and looked, "Aww it's so cute! Oh definitely!"

"No no no no no no no but it's a bear. Bears are manly! You get me right!?"

"Can't say that I do. You made the bear so cute that the next practice cup could be his boyfriend. I ship the cream bears now."

Toji frantically looked at Kaworu, "YOU'RE A SUPER GAY. TELL ME, IS THIS GAY?"

Kaworu looked at the coffee, nodding, "Very homosexual. I'd order one every day if I could." He couldn't stop himself from laughing a bit at being called a super gay, "I...what is a super gay? Is this like a superhero of some sort? Can this bear be my mascot? Or should I keep the attack poodle as my mascot?"

The screech that escaped from Toji was unreal.

Asuka came to the front, "What the hell is going on up here?"

Toji had set the cup down on the floor, chanting while on his hands and knees, trying to inspect it from every angle. Shinji was knelt down on the opposite side, also looking at the cup while deep in thought. Kensuke had the camera rolling, and had been since the start of the fiasco. Kaworu was in the process of creating a second shrine next to Shinji's.

Rei walked over, knelt down next to Toji, and asked, "What is wrong with this coffee?"

He looked at her, practically in tears, "Ayanami, does this coffee look cute or manly?"

"It's very cute. We should do more coffee art here." She took out her phone to take a picture, "If you made this, I think it would be a hit with the customers. You may become the next employee of the month if you sell enough of these."

Asuka just looked over everyone, down at this absolutely stunningly cute coffee with an adorable bear face, "Who made this? Toji? Gay."

Toji laid on the floor, face down, defeated.

Kensuke was laughing, "Rest in pieces bro. I think we killed him. But honestly, I really do like the craftsmanship of this bear."

Shinji nodded, "He called it a panda. I don't really see it. It just looks like a bear. I think maybe we should order food coloring to mix with the creams so he can make it black and white."

Rei nodded, "I'll order it. I wonder why we never thought of doing this before. He is quite exceptional at making these designs. A hidden talent among the staff."

Kaworu took a picture of the coffee with his phone, "As an artist, I have to say, I am quite impressed at the skill and technique! It requires a lot of patience yet he made it in no time!"

Hikari happened to come into the café at that moment, staring, "W-what is going on in here?"

Asuka grinned, taking her hand and dragging her over, "What's your opinion on this cup of coffee right here?"

Hikari beamed, "Ooooh my gosh! Are you guys doing coffee art now!? It's so cute! I love it! Can I get one!?"

Toji snatched up the cup, kneeling before her, and presenting it, "I made this. You can have it. No charge."

She took the cup, smiling widely, "I almost don't want to ruin the design! But thank you! I'll enjoy it!" She just took it and went to her usual spot.

Everyone stared at Toji, who just went back on the floor, but at least he looked not so defeated. He just mumbled to himself, "It may be gay coffee but she likes it..."

Each employee and Kaworu just added a handful of rice to the new shrine one at a time, paying their respects, and saying a prayer. Rei had run out briefly, coming back with a framed picture of Toji laying on the floor to set in place, lighting incense in his honor. It would have been silly to add a framed picture of the coffee, due to the coffee being a new menu item and here to stay.

"How could you? I'm not doing a phone meeting! We're meeting face to face! Meet me at my office! I'll wait!"

"I should have known...", Kaworu hung up his phone, letting out a sigh, "I was hoping we could do this over the phone since I will be taking you on a date. Although the later we go out, the better for what I have planned. We're going to have to take the train. Kaji's office is not close."

Shinji just followed along, eager for this meeting. He'd tried to not let Kaworu know that they'd actually met before, but he wondered why he was even asked a request like that. Would Kaworu be upset to know this? Now he just felt bad for keeping it a secret from him. They seemed to have an odd relationship, the opposite of himself and Dr. Akagi. He and Dr. Akagi were practically close, and she was at times like another mom or the suave aunt. Kaworu just seemed to reject Dr. Kaji at every moments notice and going to this appointment in person seemed like a bother. He wondered why that was, but he figured he'd see for himself soon enough.

He knew something was up when Kaworu had reached and took his hand. He seemed genuinely nervous. He wanted to be of comfort, so he gave it a squeeze and on the train, stood close and gave him a hug. It seemed to help, and he was glad.

When getting off the train, he just looked around. Shinjuku wasn't really a part he ventured into. Skyscrapers everywhere, big crowds of people. Somehow it seemed fitting for Dr. Kaji's office to be within the hustle and bustle. Although he didn't blame Kaworu for not coming in person as much. Navigating through seemed like a lot if you didn't know where you were going. They'd continued to hold hands just to not be separated on their way.

When coming to the office, even he started to get a bit nervous, he gave the hand in his a squeeze. What he found interesting was that Kaworu did, of all things, a special knock.

"Come on in! Get cozy! I got chairs! I've got watermelon from my garden! Let's have a chat! So nice to finally meet the lovely couple!"

Shinji could only stare as Kaji himself was sitting on an oversized bean bag chair. At least they had a regular loveseat and could sit as close as possible to each other. Before them was a small table with slices of fruit.

Kaji just stared at them after they sat, grinning widely, "So, you're the one! Ah man, seeing you both together is such a treat! Here I thought that this guy would be forever alone! This is such a shocker for me! I have to ask first and foremost, how much is comfortable for us to chit chat about? These sessions are all about furthering Kaworu's progress. He's come a long way after all."

Kaworu leaned into Shinji more, "I told him about my condition and about my paintings not long after we met. I'm fine talking about those things. I'd prefer we talked very openly."

Kaji nodded, "Okay then. No holds barred! Fine with me. Have you gotten better at taking your meds? You really shouldn't skip out on those. They're especially made just for you after all. I'd need to know if the dosage is just right. No headaches or night terrors lately right?"

"Not in months."

Kaji chuckled, "So having a boyfriend is keeping you in check. Excellent job Shinji! Can I call you Shinji? I don't like to be so formal with people, never do."

"That's fine."

Kaji nodded, "Yosh! Okay. Why don't we start by you telling me all about your relationship? How did this even happen? I'm so curious."

Shinji was having a hard time understanding why there seemed to be this feeling of dread in the air. Nothing about Kaji seemed off so far, and yet the way Kaworu spoke let him know that he wasn't quite alright being here. Kaji didn't seem like that bad of a guy. Then again, he'd thought of what Kaji mentioned before. About not changing his opinions of his boyfriend no matter what he may hear. As much as he wanted to ask for an elaboration, he didn't think it would be a good idea. It had everything to do with the secret that Kaworu was taking his time building up the courage to tell him. He wanted to just...continue to wait for Kaworu to be the one to tell him instead of anyone else.

Kaji then smiled mischievously, "Also, forgive me for being blunt, but you guys seem to be having a great time getting to know each other in other ways." He pointed, "You'd do better giving Shinji over here more attention around the neck while you're in him."

His face went red instantly. Kaworu just responded, "Please, we've been getting all of the advice in the world lately. We don't need any more."

Kaji just laughed, "Okay okay. But this is pretty fascinating. I have another question. How many angel paintings have you made now?"

Kaworu tensed.

"Don't look like that. You said we could talk about it all!"

Kaworu looked down, "I think there are...18 now..."

"Do you think there will be any more? Hey has Shinji ever gotten to watch you make one? Because if he has, then he's amazing to stay anywhere close to you! Let alone want to date you! It's actually pretty scary to watch!"

Shinji realized that this was the second person to say that. He recalled Makoto Hyuga's response on this topic as well.

Kaworu had to take a deep breath and turned to face Shinji, "There are a few things I should explain."

"Okay..."

"When I make one of those paintings, I tend to...lose all sense of self. I don't register anything happening around me. I can't tell up from down or night from day. All that exists is what's in my head. Think of it like being so focused, the world and everyone in it ceases to exist. It's not at all the same feeling as when I hallucinate but it is similar. It's stronger as well. I don't think anyone has been successful in stopping me from making one. I fear that if there are more to be made, I don't really want you to have to witness it. I don't want to frighten you.."

Shinji nodded, "I can understand that, but I don't want you to feel that I'll run the instant you do something outside of your usual self. When you told me that you had schizophrenia, I knew a little bit of what that'd mean."

"You are such a delight. I still have my concerns. Talking about it is one thing but seeing it is another. I confess I might have been a bit hasty a few days ago. I guess my heart was just speaking without me really considering the scope of asking you to move in with me.."

Kaji added, "The last time he made one was right before you met. A fun fact is that these paintings are a bit different than your average painting. Do you want to tell him or should I? If you're thinking of living together in the future, you best tell him now."

"Tell me?"

Kaworu took both of his hands, giving them a weak squeeze, "Remember what I showed you around the time we first met?"

Now he had to think back, "Your arm?"

"I'm not sure about my own actions when I'm in that state, but that tends to happen every time I've created one of these paintings."

Shinji gave the hands in his a squeeze back. The implications were honestly scary, "So you're saying that you lose yourself in your own head, you'd harm yourself, and no one could stop you. But you don't seem like you're able to stop yourself either."

"Exactly. I've been a bit tense and hesitant to talk about such things, but I trust you. I thought that being here might help to get me to be more honest. Yet I do still have my fears. It's what I was thinking about on the way here. I want to tell you everything about myself, but I don't know where to start."

Kaji had to chime in again, "Let's not get too hasty. We made some changes to his meds and he hasn't seemed to make any more of those paintings since. It's hard to tell if it's because we got the meds right or he's finished making them. It's something I'd want you to watch out for since you spend the most time with him out of anyone. Don't you just feel better getting that off your chest, Kaworu? Keeping secrets from your boyfriend sure is tiring isn't it?"

The look that Kaworu gave to Kaji was one Shinji had never seen before. If looks could kill, Kaji would have instantaneously imploded.

Shinji wondered aloud, "Sorry I just...why does everyone call them angels anyway? Aren't they more like demons?"

Kaji was unfazed by Kaworu's look of loathing and instead looked the most amused since they'd walked in.

Kaworu looked back to Shinji, surprised at the question.

The silence was uncomfortable.

Kaworu finally spoke, "I don't know. It just felt natural to me. Perhaps I could call them something else, but I wouldn't call them demons. I say that they're angels in general, but each angel painting has an individual name."

Shinji nodded, giving the hands in his another soft squeeze, "I want to...keep getting to know all of you and not just the kind and gentle person I've come to know. I get that there's more to you than that. It's true for anyone. I haven't always been...well, you've seen me at times in the beginning. So just take your time and don't think I'm going to run away from you. I mean that. Nothing from what I said when I gave you the gift is gonna change."

Kaworu brought him into a hug and he was glad to notice that he seemed to have calmed down.

Well damn, this changes everything.

Kaji was just looking on with that same amused stare, "You know what? I have a much much better understanding of why it's you of all people. I really get it now. I don't know how you manage to be that understanding, but more power to you, Shinji. I haven't quite seen anything like this before.."

They parted from the hug and Kaworu's look was one that spelled out how he'd felt in the moment. It was one of those looks that he knew well. A look that could say the words they hadn't said to each other yet, but the red threads around their wrists symbolized.

"I want to cut this session short. I think I want to take you on that date now."

Kaji just laughed loudly, "Oh it's date night!? Get out of my office. Go out, have some fun. We should do another session soon. We have lots more to cover, but I think you've made a ton of progress in the right direction. Just let me know when you're running low on the meds and I'll have some more for you so you can stay sane and healthy m'kay?"

Shinji stood up, nodding to Kaji, "Thank you for having me. I'm sorry if my being here made anything uncomfortable."

Kaworu came to a stand, placing a hand on his shoulder, "No...I just...need to be more honest with myself. It's my own fault. Let's go. I have something very nice planned."

Kaji just waved nonchalantly, "Bye bye. See you next time! Have lots of fun!"

They'd been traveling in silence, but it didn't feel awkward. Hand in hand, Shinji realized they were headed towards the outskirts of the city. Venturing further out than they had before.

He was excited when they'd arrived at a planetarium.

"It doesn't look open."

"That's because it isn't. It closed down but the people who ran it haven't cleared all of the equipment out yet."

Shinji blinked, "Aren't we trespassing?"

"No one's coming out here at this time of night. Follow me."

He just followed, reminded of Shigeru instantly. He guessed Kaworu picked up on some of his habits.

"I wanted to show you the stars a lot better than we've been able to see them. I honestly am more than determined to show you a good time after that session. It isn't normally like that."

"I'm sorry if I..."

Red eyes met blue, "You don't have to apologize for a thing."

His tone had so much resolve that Shinji wasn't sure how to answer. He just looked past him and into the library.

"The telescope is still here, but it's so dark, we can just turn all of the lights off and see so much more than we can back in the city! It still won't be as amazing as seeing it out in nature with no light pollution, but it'll be closer to that experience."

He'd heard him talk about the stars so much, that he was able to follow along his explanations better and even pointed out some familiar ones himself. They had a few books they'd pulled near them for reference material and it was nice, but he felt of all things, the sinking feeling within. Why did coming here to see the night sky suddenly make him feel sad?

"Kaworu..."

"Yes?"

"You don't have to push yourself so hard."

"What do you mean?"

"I can be patient. If it takes you over a year or longer to work up the courage to tell me what you want to tell me, I don't mind the wait. As long as I get to be with you like this in the meantime. I want to understand you, but not at the expense of your comfort."

"Do you realize that you know how to say the perfect words to make me feel things I've never felt before? It's a beautiful strength you have that gives me the hope to tell you sooner rather than later."

"But even I can tell you don't like it."

"I don't like it because what I have to say...it's something that's taken me time to come to terms with. To make peace with myself over. Yet it's incredibly difficult to not just keep to myself. If you can...please listen to what I currently have to say."

Shinji nodded.

Kaworu took a deep breath and took his hand, "It has to do with the very first time I'd seen an angel. I don't remember everything though. I just remember that it was as magnificent as it was terrifying. It consumed all of my senses and it was incredibly overwhelming."

"I see."

"I think for now, that's really all I can bring myself to say. I'm so sorry."

He was trying to read his face, those red eyes, but got nothing. The sinking feeling was getting worse. "Don't be. That just...tells me it's something that's...I can't even imagine what that experience is like. I can't imagine what any of these experiences are like for you.."

"Please don't look so troubled, Shinji-kun. It was a long time ago. I've come to accept that I can never truly be normal, no matter how much the people I care about try to help. And yet you accept me, no matter what I may say that I feel is revolting about me. Most people would hear that I have hallucinations and they would become afraid of me because of general misconceptions. Yet that day you instinctively reached for my hand. I tell you that I paint the things that I see. You accepted the key to go and see them for yourself. You gave me this beautiful gift, eager to show me that after these wonderful months, your feelings have only gotten as strong as mine have. I'm incredibly grateful to have you in my life. I hope you continue to stay by my side. I'm honestly elated that you cannot relate to my experiences because I wouldn't wish them on anyone. My life has no choice but to revolve around what I can and cannot afford to handle. Yet here you are, as understanding and sweet as always, eager to bring me comfort."

Now a different feeling welled up inside of him. He found his heart was racing when Kaworu leaned in closer ever so slowly.

"The other thing I've wanted to tell you, I think I finally can. After hearing your thoughts earlier about getting to know the different sides of me. Can I tell you those words right now? Are you ready to hear them?"

A hand was over his and Kaworu was directly in front of him now.

"I...actually..um..."

"If it's too embarrassing, I can say it clearly another time."

"I didn't expect you to ask for permission to confess. I kinda thought you'd just do it.."

"Well I don't want you to pass out on me in the middle of this abandoned place."

His blush got worse, "That's fair..."

The kiss felt so nice. The hand over his felt extra nice. Their closeness was making him shiver.

He'd heard those words in a hushed whisper against his lips and he had to do all he could to not make a sound in response to ruin the moment.

"I love you."

They were kissing again.

"You don't have to say it back right away. I'll patiently await those words in return. I just felt I needed to tell you. We can rearrange our threads after you can tell me. Like you said, how you're willing to wait years for me to explain, I can wait as long as it takes to hear you say it back to me."

"Now I know what you mean, I don't want to wait years to...say what I want to say..."

Kaworu pressed his forehead against his, closing his eyes, lacing their fingers together, "Take your time. I can understand if you want to wait until after I explain myself to you. That might be best. If you can find it in your soul to continue to be mine, I hope to hear you say it back. I know we've felt it, but I just...can't help myself tonight."

One of their peaceful silences settled in.

He actually said it!

The amount of happiness could send him to the moon. He didn't have words in response, so he'd just pulled his lover into a deeper kiss. Part of it was to try to keep ignoring that small yet nagging twinge of sadness mixed in. He didn't even want to try to understand where that was coming from. These were words he'd wanted to hear, so he'd asked to hear them again, and thought he'd melt when they were repeated before he was receiving another kiss.

Kaworu's phone was buzzing, but they decided to ignore it in favor of more peaceful silence and kisses under the stars.

It went quiet for a few seconds before buzzing again.

"Hmm. Hold on, let me check that. It could be important. At this time of night is a bit strange. Oh dear...we need to go right now..."

Shinji looked as the phone was showed to him. He widened his eyes at the text from Asuka of all people.

Kaworu was going to make another phone call, "I'll explain along the way. It seems she needs our help."