Sorry for last chapter's cliffhanger but yeah... so I am thinking of writing this in a normal pace till about when they get into college and then start going faster so it won't be too long and you get bored. What do you think? Please let me know it is important to me. Anyway, enjoy!
Disclaimer: I don't own anything, the characters belong to Dick Wolf but this particular plot is all mine!
Ad Meliora
Toward better things.
Mother and daughter were pacing outside of the emergency room, both beating themselves up. How could they have missed this? By that point they knew all the signs but none of them had noticed that Kim's behavior has been going from good, to bad, to absolute worse.
After the medication the doctors had prescribed all that energy and the rather unusual talkativeness had decreased significantly. Lately, though, the seventeen year old had noticed that her younger sister was getting more and more distracted, or talking too much and too fast, she would jump from one thought to another in seconds.
The first symptoms showed around the time her mother went MIA, two months ago. Kim was agitated, more than she should be, she would stay awake till four in the morning, finding no interest in sleep. The thing that stood out to Amanda the most, was that extreme sense of euphoria the fifteen year old had. Their lives had turned upside down, yet she seemed so happy, invincible, like nothing could affect her.
She had approached her, talked to her about her medication, how important it is for her to take it and the young girl seemed to understand. When asked if she keeps taking her meds the answer was plain and simple.
"Of course Amanda, we don't want things to get bad again."
The blonde though wasn't born yesterday. She knew that her sister was a great actress and had mastered in pretending like things were going the way they were supposed to. She had studied, knew her lines by heart and had the ability to open the floodgates whenever it was needed. She knew it was wrong, but when her sister left at some point during the day, a couple of weeks ago, she sneaked into her room and checked her medication.
A week before that the bottle was filled, when she checked there were pills missing which, in her mind, meant that they had been consumed.
Apparently the young trouble maker knew how to cover her trucks as well.
Amanda was furious.
Furious with herself for being so naive.
Furious with her mother for not paying attention.
But most of all, she was enraged with her sister.
They had pointed out the dangers of quitting her medication multiple times, how it could affect her mentally and how her afterwards actions could get her into trouble once more.
She cursed herself internally for falling for Kim's act.
She had to admit to herself though that it was worth a freaking Oscar.
All that pent up tension that was slowly and steadily building inside of her, burst into a growl and she punched a near by wall with all the strength she had.
"Amanda!" Her mother's head snapped. She looked at her daughter, mouth agape, caught off guard by this sudden expression of anger.
"Oh don't you dare Amanda me, Beth Anne." She spat out venomously.
"Hey! I am not some friend of yours. I am your mother, show some respect." The older woman said in a strict tone.
Amanda let out a dry chuckle. "My mother? Really? You know, mothers usually don't go and get drunk in the middle of the day and abandon their children. Mothers usually come home from work, check in with their kids, make sure that things are rolling just fine. Mothers care, Beth, something that you have appeared incapable of doing."
"Amanda Jo Rollins how dare-" she was interrupted by a male doctor that just got out of the 'stuff only' area.
"Family of Kimberly Rollins?" Both women turned to look at him and nodded.
"How is she?" Amanda was the one to speak first. When she took a better look at the doctor she stopped. It was the same doctor that had taken care of her when she first arrived at the hospital all those months ago.
"She is stable, for now. During the ambulance ride her heart beat increased so we had to interject her with benzodiazepines, to lower both that and her blood pressure. I understand one of you performed CPR?" Amanda just nodded and the doctor gave her a pat on the shoulder. "You probably saved her life kiddo. Had she not vomited, things could have taken an entirely different turn." He smiled kindly before withdrawing his hand. "I would like to keep her overnight, just for safety reasons. I can suggest some good rehabilitation facilities, if you are interested."
"No, we-" Beth Anne started to say but the young blonde interrupted her.
"Yes, that would be very helpful. Thank you, once again, dr. Berm." When the doctor gave her a questioning glare she chuckled. "No surprise that you don't remember me. I was all black and blue when we first met."
"Oh my God. Miranda? No wait, Amanda!" She nodded and smiled at him. "Are you feeling better?"
"After all those months I am as good as new." The girl reassured him.
"I am so sorry that we had to meet under such circumstances again. If you need anything, don't hesitate. Just tell the nurse to page me and I will be here as soon as I can. Thursdays are usually slow around here, but you never know."
"Can we go see her?" The blonde asked eagerly.
She might be infuriated with her sister but that doesn't mean that she didn't still care about her. It was her flesh and blood after all.
"Yes, of course. Exam room 4. They should move her soon."
They said their goodbyes and both women started walking towards the room that the doctor indicated. When they finally reached their destination her mother grabbed her forearm and pulled her back.
"We are not sendin' her to rehab, you hear me?" She said firmly into her daughter's ear.
"Oh, you gotta be fucking kidding me. Beth, she needs help. If she doesn't get it, this will just keep happening. She already did it once last year. And the year before that. It's a vicious cycle!" She freed herself from her mother's hand, shrugging the material of her blouse back down.
"We are gonna deal with this on our own. We can't just dump her like that. She needs our support." Beth Anne said quietly.
"Sending her to rehab is how we will show her our support." She insisted, the irritation of that conversation quickly forming inside of her.
"God, she was just fine back in Georgia. This goddamn city ruined my little girl."
"Okay, this conversation is officially over." She turned around and opened the door to the room were her sister was in.
She was lying on the bed, skin pale, she looked exhausted. They had put her in a hospital gown, just like the one she had on all those months ago. It pained her to see her little sister in such state but even though, the anger's presence inside of her outweighed every other emotion.
"Hey, Manda." Her sister's weak voice echoed in the relatively quiet room.
The blonde approached the bed, slowly in an attempt to get rid of any unwanted feelings. "Hey." She sighed resting her hands on the bed's railing.
"Oh baby, you gave mama a big scare there." Beth Anne said immediately clasping her youngest daughter's hand on the other side of the bed.
"Sorry mama. I promise it wo-"
"Don't make promises you can't keep." Amanda mumbles under her breath.
She was so done with this whole situation.
Done watching her sister destroying her future.
Done with her mother and her inability to take proper care of them both; her inability to see that things are far from okay.
She was done being ignored and so, so done being the adult in this family. All she ever wished for was to be a normal kid, a normal teen, and yet all she got was an alcoholic abusive father, a sister who doesn't seem to understand the severity of her mental illness and a mom that is just a quiet bystander.
"Amanda!" Her mother said, her voice firm.
"Look, sis, you are mad, I get it. It was an one time slip it really won't happen again." Kim rushed to reassure her but deep down she knew that Amanda wasn't born yesterday.
"You said that the last time. And the time before that. And all those other times when I caught you smoking pot or popping pills. I am not falling for that again, Kim. You are going to rehab."
"No." The girl said.
"Well, you don't really have a choice. Kim I am going to college in a few months, I won't be around as much and mom is hardly ever home. What if I weren't home today? Do you know that you could have died?"
"I am not going to rehab!" She yelled but Amanda didn't want to listen.
"Yes you are, Kim!" Amanda yelled back. "If you cannot understand how important it is for you to take your meds, how important it is to stop the drugs, then someone else is gonna make you. I can't take care of you forever."
"Then don't! Who said I need your help. I have mama, she will take care of me." She squeezed her mother's hand and turned to look at her.
Beth Anne nodded. Good Lord the woman nodded.
"Yeah, good luck with that. She can barely take care of herself, Kim." Beth's surprised face made Amanda roll her eyes. "Don't act so shocked. You know it's true, if you think that you can hide your drinking issues you are wrong. I am not stupid I saw the missing bottles."
"Like father like daughter." Beth Anne whispered.
"What did you say?" Amanda stared at her for a second, praying to God that she had misheard.
"I said that you are just like your father. Always there to belittle us. You wanna play the victim Manda, but you are no better."
Her jaw dropped. Her grip on the railing tightened; her heart broke into pieces.
She could take a lot of things. She could take the beating, she could take the cursing, she could take the bullying at school, all of it. Someone comparing her to her father, telling her that she is as much of a sick monster as he is? That is something she couldn't handle.
She turned her gaze back at Kim, only to see that she clearly agreed with her mother.
"We are going back to Georgia. Things will be better if we go back home." Beth Anne said finally, ignoring Amanda's hurt expression.
"You go ahead and do that. I ain't going anywhere. I turn eighteen in a couple of days so I am staying here." She stepped away from the railing and walked backwards.
"You can't do tha-"
"Watch me." She spat out.
"Manda c'mon." Kim pleaded.
"No. I am done. You two do whatever the hell you want, but I am done. So, so done."
And with those words she turned around and headed out the door.
While walking down the corridor tears streamed from her eyes. She had just lost her family. Just like that, in an instant. Where was she gonna go? How is she supposed to survive now?
She pulled out her phone and dialed the only number she could thing of. After a few seconds the voice she loved so much was heard from the other end of the line.
"Hey love, what's up?" Rafa asked, apparently in a good mood.
"I need a place to stay. Do you think your mom would mind if I stayed with you for a little while? I'll explain everything I promise." She didn't know where she found the courage to form so many words.
"Of course she wouldn't mind. We will be waiting." Worry laced his voice now.
"Okay, I will be there in an hour or so." And with that she hang up on him.
No 'I love you', no 'I miss you', nothing.
She didn't have time for that, all she wanted to do was get home, pack all her belongings and leave this godforsaken house for good.
An hour and a half later she knocked on his door. She was holding a suitcase and a duffel bag. Her eyes were red and raw from crying and she looked so small and fragile. When he opened the door she just fell into his arms and let a few more tears flow.
Defeated. That's how she felt. Utterly defeated.
They remained in that position for a few more seconds. One of his hands was running circles on her back and the other was on her blonde locks, caressing them. He was whispering words of love in her ear. Telling her that it's okay, that he is here, that everything is okay.
She pulled away to look him in the eyes. She needed to see into those blue orbs to believe his words. When all she saw was sincerity, she let out a breath she didn't know was holding. She wiped the moisture from her cheeks away and grabbed her things ready to head inside.
"Amanda, dear, what happened?" Lucia got up from were she was sitting and went to hug the blonde.
Amanda, as always, reciprocated the hug, and tightened her grip a little. If she had to admit one thing to herself that would be that Lucia Barba had been more of a mother to her the past seven months than her actual mother had been her entire life.
"Thank you, Lucia, thank you, thank you, thank you." She whispered into the older woman's embrace and Lucia eyed her son with a sad smile on her face.
"Tell us what happened."
They all sat down on the couch and Amanda started narrating the events that took place earlier that day. She was fidgeting with the golden cross on her neck, thinking that there wasn't a time in her life were she needed her grandma more than she did now.
"Oh, honey, I am so sorry. You can stay here for as long as you need." Lucia said, placing her hand around the girl's shoulders.
"I promise it won't be for long. I just need to find a job and then an affordable apartment and I will be out of you hair. But if this is too much I can find a motel or-"
"Nonsense." Lucia interrupted her. "You can stay here until the end of the school year, if you wish. I am not letting you work so close to your finals, you need time to study. We'll figure it out."
"Are you sure?" Amanda asked in disbelief.
"Yes I am. You know you are like a daughter to me. Now, go get settled, tomorrow is a school day and I want you two rested." She patted her on the back and promoted both teens to get up.
Rafael hadn't uttered a word. He needed to comfort Amanda in his own way and he didn't want to do it in front of his mother. The minute they stepped into his room he shut the door and took her into his arms, holding her for dear life.
"I am so sorry, Amanda." He whispered.
'I don't deserve you.' She thought to herself.
"It's okay. It's not like you caused all this mess. I guess the Jim inside of me did." She laughed dryly.
"Amanda Jo Rollins, look at me." When she did, he cupped her face with his hands. "You are nothing like him, you hear me? Nothing at all." She nodded and pressed her lips against his. She needed this kind of physical contact so badly. Just to feel his lips for a little while, just to feel safe for a little while.
"I don't tell you how much I love you nearly enough." She mumbled on his lips.
"Well, that can change." He chuckled and kissed her again.
She pulled away and looked into his ocean eyes. She couldn't stop herself from saying the next few words. They flew out of her mouth before she could second think them.
"I wanna grow old with you. In your arms." Her eyes widened after what she said registered and she chuckled at her stupidity. "Sorry, that was-"
"That was exactly what I have been thinking for the past few days." He whispered and her eyes widened even more, if that was possible. "Don't look so surprised Rollins, I mean it. I am gonna marry you one day."
"Is that a threat or a promise?" She laughed.
"A little bit of both." She laughed again. "Amanda Rollins I don't think I could live without that laugh of yours. It's music to my ears."
"Can you promise me one more thing?" She asked unexpectedly.
"Anything."
"If that ever happens, I wanna take your name." He looked at her somewhat shocked. "Rollins is a name that I've come to despise. I wanna have the name of someone that I love. Someone that I know for a fact loves me back." She brought her hand on his cheek and swiped away a tear that had fallen from the corner of his eye without him noticing. "Would you like that?"
"Amanda Jo Barba. Detective Barba." He tried a few names to see how they sounded. "I love it." He kissed her tenderly. "I love you." He said into the kiss.
"I love you too."
Something fluffy because we all need that in our lives here and there. Review if you want though I think I have lost all hope. Have a nice day or night you all see you in the next chapter!