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S2 Episode 5 Soos and the Real Girl
Chapter 110: Awkward Soos
Soos had always been a simple man of simple needs. He liked pizza, his friends, and working at the Mystery Shack. However, much to his consternation, things had been getting less simple since the summer started. The stuff with the twins was fun. Those were adventures and he was happy to be included. No, the things concerning Soos were in regards to himself. Lately he'd been growing excessive amounts of body hair. His appetite had grown, yet his belly was decreasing in pudge. He'd been hearing and smelling things he'd been oblivious to before and felt all these strange new urges, like to howl in response to other howls and stare transfixed up at the moon. Things were getting awkward, but he hoped it would all pass in time.
Complicating things further was a letter from his cousin Reggie, inviting him to an engagement party with his smoking hot fiancé. Abuelita took this chance to once again badger him into try talking with girls so that she could see him settled before passing on. She made him promise to at least try and get a date for the party next week.
The next day, the denizens of the Mystery Shack were subjected to the horrific cringe fest of watching Soos trying to flirt with a girl, only to send her literally screaming out the door; and punching an old couple for some reason. Naturally, they asked his deal and he shared his promise to Abuelita. Equally naturally, everyone had an opinion.
"Soos, what you need to do is get rich," Stan advised. "Or lie about being rich. Other than that, I don't like your chances."
Wendy scoffed. "Don't listen to Stan, dude. You're a sweet guy with a steady job and a pickup truck."
"Would you date him?"
Wendy took a deeper interest in the magazine she was reading.
However, feeling moderately hi on romance, Mabel would not let this go and vowed to get Soos a date. To that end, everyone ventured to the mall. Stan went off looking for a replacement for an attraction whose face reminded people of the horrid inevitability of death. Everyone else stuck by Soos, giving him tips like maintaining eye contact and advising him to focus on his strengths. What followed was another cringe fest, where the least awkward encounter was with a mute goth of indeterminate sex.
After so many rejections, anyone would be down on themselves and resistant to encouragement. And when he saw Reggie with his fiancé, Soos panicked and fled into a game store. There he found a game in the bargain bin with a pink haired anime girl on the cover. The description promised to up the player's dating skills. "It's like this game was made for me."
Wendy withheld making a snide remark, but still pitied Soos for feeling desperate enough to play a game in search of life skills. "You sure about this, man? That thing looks older than me. How could it possibly-?" The teen then hugged herself and shivered. "Did anyone feel that? It's like death itself just blew down my neck."
"Yeah, you probably don't want that one," advised the girl behind the counter. "This is the third time someone's brought it back. The last guy even wrote a note saying to destroy it at all costs."
"A month ago, I'd dismiss that as someone pulling a prank," informed Wendy. "Now I'm thinking that thing gives me the willies. We should probably let it go."
"The girl does have pink hair," agreed Dipper. "That pretty much always equals crazy in anime."
"Come on, guys," begged Soos. "I've got literally no game. I'm desperate here."
"At least let him try," implored Mabel. "It's for love. Besides, we can keep an eye out in case things get weird, which is technically normal for us."
Everyone followed Soos home to watch him play the first few levels of the game. The poor English translations and generic names got Soos' friends laughing before the game even started. The main girl from the cover was named Giffany, the typical sweet but shy type meant to be won over by the player. Her dialogue was awkward and stilted, sounding more like a primitive text-to-speech program rather than a voice actor. Whenever she asked a question, dialogue options would appear. It was pretty typical dating sim stuff. Strangely, there was an undo option whenever the player made a 'wrong' choice. Instead of punishing the player and compelling them to either deal with their mistakes or start over, this one seemed to hold the player's hand and guide them to the 'correct' answers.
"That's okay. Try again," Giffany would sweetly say.
Except for the poor translation, the game was surprisingly interactive. If Soos didn't feel like picking a dialogue option, he could just click on Giffany's face, making her laugh. Pretty much everything on screen was movable, leading Soos to 'pet' her hair and even try tickling. Everything got a response, and most of the time it was cute.
Even when Soos 'accidentally' clicked her breast, Giffany would only ask that he not do such things while others are watching. Assuming that she meant off-screen NPCs, the gang reasoned that this game seemed harmless enough, but made Soos promise to call if anything got weird before leaving. None of them noticed the way Giffany's eyes tracked them as they departed, or the minor issue of the computer being unplugged.
Now in private, Soos decided to play around with the game's features. He tugged on Giffany's shirt and watched her blush.
"Oh wow. I didn't think you were into that, new boyfriend," Giffany said.
Soos laughed apprehensively. "Sorry. You're just so cute. I kinda can't help myself."
"It's okay, new boyfriend. If that's what you want, I don't mind," replied Giffany.
Frowning, almost suspicious, Soos remembered that he'd put on a headset. "Oh wow. So you can hear me?"
"I sure can, new boyfriend." Giffany shot him a wink.
"This is amazing. What else can you do?"
"Whatever you want me to do." Playfully she batted her eyelashes and struck a suggestive pose. "Would you like me to prepare dinner, run you a bath, or maybe you want… me?" she asked, running her hands over her breasts.
"Hmm. Kind of a tie between one and three."
There was a setting change as Giffany appeared in a kitchen, dressed in a naked apron and holding a frying pan over a stove. "Would you like extra bacon with your bacon, boyfriend?"
"Would I!" Soos clicked the bacon icon and dragged it off the pan. He got close to the screen and pretended to bite the image, only for it to disappear when he pulled back. "Wow. That bacon was pretty good," he joked, getting into the spirit of simulation.
Giggling, Giffany dropped the pan. "Oh, dear. How clumsy of me. Hold on, new boyfriend. Let me just get that." She turned around, bent over, and showed off her glorious full moon.
"A-wooo-ga!" howled Soos.
"Oh? See something you like, new boyfriend?" Giffany asked, teasing at the straps holding the apron in place. "Just tell me, and I'll give you everything you want."
Chapter 111: More Awkward Soos
The next day at the Shack, Stan was rambling on about an animatronic badger he'd seen at some pizza joint the previous day, only for the twins to point out that they hadn't seen Soos yet.
"He didn't come in today," Stan admitted, genuinely concerned. "It's the first time he's missed work… ever."
With a resigned sigh, Wendy stood. "I'm gonna hold off on saying I told ya so until we're sure, but know that its coming."
The trio returned to Soos' house, finding him alone in his room with the lights off and staring intently at the screen. The floor was littered with even more discarded soda pizza boxes and soda cans than usual, and the less said about the discarded tissues surrounding Soos the better. Wendy pulled up the back of her shirt and set a hand on the handle of her axe, just in case.
"So that's pretty much my life's story," Soos laughed into his headset. "Now tell me something about you."
"Every time you compliment me, I get another highlight in my eye." Sure enough, every compliment made the girl's eyes that much more sparkly.
"Soos?" Mabel asked in concern.
"Oh, hey, guys." Soos turned around to face his friends, blocking their view of the pink haired girl's hateful scowl. "This game is amazing! I'm making eye contact, going on dates, and I haven't seen natural sunlight for 13 hours."
"Maybe you'd like to apply these skills to some real girls?" Mabel suggested.
"But I'm about to meet her parents. Her dad is an octopus man! And her mom is-"
"Nope." Mabel pulled up the blinds and brought in the light, snapping Soos out of his trance. It took some effort, but they were eventually able to drag the big guy out of his room. "Easy, Soos. It's just a game. It's not like it's going anywhere."
Back at the mall, Mabel's enthusiasm ended up with her pulling a Mabel, which basically meant that security was on its way. Wendy and Dipper went to deal with that, leaving Soos all alone. Inevitably he panicked and made a run for it into an electronics store. "Oh man, this is the worst. I wish I was back home with-"
"Hi, Soos," greeted the smiling pink haired girl on the screen as hearts surrounded her.
"Giffany? I'm so glad you're here. Also confused."
"Oh Soos. I am not an ordinary game. I am… special." The screen changed to a group of figures typing away at computers. "The programmers tried to delete me, so I deleted them," she said darkly as a programmer was electrocuted. "But that's not important," said the many Giffanys now appearing on all the screens. "What's important is you never have to talk to real girls again. You and me can be together forever."
"That's awesome. Sort of a red flag, but I'm just desperate enough to take it. So, what do you wanna do now?"
"Anything you want," Giffany offered, suggestively pulling down the front of her shirt.
Instead of that, Soos decided to climb on one of those mall train rides in the kid's zone. It seemed like something nice he could do with Giffany since she could appear on the screen, though her laugh did sound more forced than usual. However, the screen went black when the machine demanded money.
That's when a girl behind a food stall started laughing. She had light brown hair and a rather plain face. Aside from her apron for Meat Cute, her clothes were just as plain, but comfortable. Her body was on the thicc side and her laugh was rather cute. "Sorry, but that's pretty awesome, dude. A grown man riding a little train like that. You're totally owning it."
"I mean, I guess," Soos allowed awkwardly. "If it's fun, I just do it."
"Ugh. I wish I were that brave. Being an adult is the worst. Dealing with bills, rude customers, and suppressing my urges to chomp down on all that fresh meat. Bleh."
"Oh, I can imagine. Just being near your cart is making my mouth water." Soos leaned in to the girl's personal space. "You smell really nice."
She blushed and curled a finger in her hair, giggling. "I like the way you smell, too. I'm Melody, by the way. And you…" She sniffed again. "You smell good. Really good. Better than fresh meat good." Still sniffing, she started moving behind the big guy, her head slowly dropping until she was smelling his big fat behind.
Rather than stopping her or being weirded out, Soos felt the odd compulsion to do the same. Smelling her butt gave his brain an odd tickle that made him bear his teeth. When they both agreed that the time for butt sniffing had passed, they stood straight, staring deeply into one another's eyes, and panting with need. Soos, socially stunted, said the first thing that came to mind. "Is it weird that I want to bend you over that meat cart, pull down your pants, and bite your neck?"
Melody gulped nervously. "How hard would you bite me?"
"Hard. Like really hard. Is it weird that I'm also hoping I get some of your hair in my mouth?" Soos pressed his palm to his forehead and winced. "Ugh. What is wrong with me right now? Why am I saying these things? And how come I'm imagining you in a fur bikini and posing with a spear under the light of a full moon?"
"That is the most romantic thing anyone has ever-" Melody suddenly slapped herself, snapping out of her trance. "Hold on. You don't know?"
"Know what?"
Suddenly Melody looked apprehensive. "You like my smell, you said all those nice things, but you don't know why?"
"Uh, no. S-something I'm missing here?"
"A lot, apparently. I, uh, gotta go. I was just closing up, so… see you later. Sorry." Melody hurriedly discarded her apron and marched towards the exit.
"Soos, we saw!" Mabel exclaimed as the crew ran up. "You were actually talking to a girl and she seemed into it, but she ran off. What happened?"
"And was there a reason you were smelling each other's butts?" Wendy asked.
"I don't know, dudes. She just smelled super nice, and I guess she liked my smell. I started staring like I've never wanted anything so much in my life. Then we got to talking, I got this really weird headache, and then she suddenly wasn't into it anymore when I didn't know what was going on. What's going on?"
Unfortunately, with no answer forthcoming, the dejected crew left the mall and returned home.
Late that night, Soos wasn't really feeling like talking with Giffany. Luckily she was quiet. Soos just wanted to stare up at the moon. Unable to get Melody out of his head, he imagined her face in the pale white sphere. She was smiling, but also snarling; both equally cute for some reason.
All of a sudden, Soos was broken from his reverie by a blinding flash where the moon had been. Something amorphous was moving in the glow. As Soos' eyes adjusted, the thing began to take form. It was gray in the middle with blue along the extremities. Overall it was pear shaped, holding a broom, and as a slightly vacant face solidified, Soos finally recognized him.
"Oh, hey, there, Frog Soos," he greeted cheerfully.
"Hey Human Soos," replied the frog in an identical voice.
"Haven't seen you in a while. How's it been?"
"Oh, you know. Licking myself. Expanding my consciousness across the endless sea known as the multiverse and trying to retain its infinite wisdom, only for it to slip away like a beloved dream."
"Cool. Hey, got any wisdom for me? You used to give me advice when I was a kid and lately I've been having girl troubles."
"Sorry dude. I'm trying to discern the secrets of existence, and even that's out of my league. By the way, dude. You're a werewolf now."
"Ahh!" Soos snapped awake, flinging his covers off of his chest and looking around his familiar room. "Alas, 'twas not but a dream." Then, just as he was about to slip back into slumber, he felt something oddly sticky. Looking down, Soos beheld an unnaturally hairy chest that had been stained red with chunks of meat and claws in place of hands. "AHHH!"
There was a harsh knocking on the door. "Soos!" Abuelita chided. "You were sleep eating again. Now our steak dinner is ruined."
"Phew. That's significantly less bad," Soos exhaled. "But it's still pretty bad. Ahhh!"
Chapter 112: Wolves
"I'm telling you dudes. The magic talking frog told me I was a werewolf," asserted Soos to his friends in the gift shop. "You gotta believe me."
"I believe that you met a magic talking frog that said that you were a werewolf," deadpanned Wendy. "But I don't know how I feel about that."
"No, I didn't meet him. He's Frog Soos, my imaginary friend from way back when I was a kid. Every now and then he'd appear to me and give me advice. Like this one time he said that I looked like a question mark. The next day I started working at the Mystery Shack."
Dipper was flipping through the journal while holding the black-light. "The author speculated about alternate dimensions, but there's nothing concrete. At least not in this journal."
"I'm freakin' out here, dudes. What if I really am a werewolf? I clog the drain every time I shave, I'm craving tons of meat, and Abuelita said that I've been sleep walking almost every night for the last few weeks. And by sleep walking, she means I jump outside, run around on all fours, and sometimes I get big and hairy as I disappear in the distance."
Wendy blinked. "Uh, by any chance, after one of these evening jaunts, did you come home with, like, bits of plastic pool toys in your mouth?"
"Oh yeah," Soos remembered. "That was right around the time we all went to the pool, just before we got banned. Why?"
"Well, holy shit," Wendy said matter-of-factly.
"Soos, you really are a werewolf!" Mabel grabbed his arm and started bouncing, smiling like she'd had too much sugar. "We saw you. You were huuuge! And you ate all the pool toys."
Soos, however, wasn't looking so into it. Starting to hyperventilate, he was caught off guard by another set of hands on his other arm.
"It's okay, man," consoled Wendy. "You've got friends, here. We'll help you out."
Soos remembered Wendy's similar predicament and they shared a sympathetic smile. "Wait, your mom! Shouldn't she know about werewolves? If there's one person who'd know about a werewolf, it's a vampire. All media says so, what with them trying to kill each other all the time." Soos' enthusiasm deflated. "She's not gonna, like, kill me or anything?"
"Don't worry, my man. I'll keep it anonymous." Wendy pulled out her phone, dialed, and put it on speaker. "Hey, ma. You free?"
"Great timin' baby girl. Ah jus' went on break. Ah'm guessin' ya got questions 'bout somethin' weird."
"Nail on the head. So here's the thing. I've got this… friend. And he maaay be a werewolf."
Everyone tensed, anticipating a worst-case scenario.
"May be?" Sheela parroted. "Ya mean he don't know?"
"Uh, no. He just kinda started transforming out of nowhere. Is this another secret heritage thing like with us?"
"Nah. Werewolves don't work like that. Their bite's still contagious, though they don't like spreadin' it around. Mostly they live as hunter tribes out in the wilderness 'n' don't socialize much outside their packs. Fer the life 'f me, Ah'd swear the nearest pack was a hundred miles away."
"You're sure?"
"Baby girl, Ah might be a daywalker, but that's still a kind 'f vampire. We're not exactly on friendly terms. If there were a pack anywhere near here, the least they'd do is let me know where they were campin' so we can keep a respectful distance."
"Alright, so why is my friend turning?"
"Only way is if he got infected. Hmm. We might be dealin' with a lone wolf tryin' ta start their own pack. Or maybe a novice pup too inexperienced ta fully control their wolf state."
Wendy put her hand over the speaker and looked up at Soos.
"Uh, remember that time when Mabel tried being the boss and I said some wolves took me in…" Soos trailed off.
"Alright, so what's next?" Wendy resumed. "Is there a cure or something?"
"That depends. Did yer friend get infected before or after the last full moon?"
Soos pursed his lips, fearful he knew where this was going. "Uh, before."
"Before," Wendy relayed.
"Then Ah'm afraid it's too late, baby girl," Sheela said apologetically. "Yer friend's a wolf 'n' he's jus' gonna have ta live with it."
Wendy pinched the bridge of her nose and exhaled her frustration, which Sheela must have heard.
"Sorry, baby girl. Ah'm tryin' mah best ta help. But sometimes life jus' deals ya a bad hand. Ya can either take what ya got, or ya can find the dealer 'n' shove the cards down his throat."
"Hold on. Can we back up a second," Dipper interjected.
"Well, hey, there, li'l man," Sheela greeted, perking up. "How ya doin'? Mah baby girl treatin' ya right?"
"Yes, Mrs. Corduroy. She's great. I just-"
"Oh please. Call me Sheela," she tittered.
"My thumb is on the off button, ma," warned Wendy.
"Sorry, baby girl. Ah'll behave."
"So just so we're all on the same page, there's at least one other werewolf in Gravity Falls besides our friend."
"More 'an likely. Now that Ah think about it, it probably is jus' a pup. We're talkin' under 30. That's why Ah haven't noticed before. Werewolves don't really get that wet dog smell 'til they get older," she said in revulsion.
"Smell?" Soos gasped. "The Meat Cute girl!"
"Sounds like ya jus' found yer culprit. Whatever ya do, go easy on 'er. Ah'm bettin' she was jus' a dumb kid who made a careless mistake. She probably didn't mean any harm. But in case she did, Ah advise talkin' ta 'er now while it's still daylight. The wolf is weaker durin' the day. Anythin' else?"
Wendy looked up expectantly, only for Soos to shake his head. "No, ma. Thanks for the help."
"Any time, baby girl." Sheela hung up.
Given that it was still morning, the youngsters convinced Soos to return to the mall yet again, where hopefully enough witnesses would deter this apparent she-wolf from making a scene. Otherwise, there was always Wendy's axe. Melody spotted Soos halfway across the mall and they had a pseudo staring contest as he approached her stall.
"Uh, hey, Melody." Soos waved apprehensively.
"H-hey, Soos." She looked down and rubbed her arm. "So, who are your friends?"
"We're Soos' friends," introduced Mabel. "We're here to cheer him on as he hunts love, or help him fight to the death. Either way, we came prepared." She held up a heart greeting card in one hand and the grappling hook in the other.
"Melody, this might be weird to say, but did you bite me at some point?"
Melody pursed her lips. "I… thought I might've bitten someone, but my mind was all fuzzy at the time. I kinda thought it was just a hairless bear."
"Yeah, that was probably me." Soos popped his lips awkwardly.
"I see. So it sounds like you know what that means, huh?"
"Yeah."
"Look, I'm really-really-really sorry. I only just got to Gravity Falls, found this nice pack of wolves to look after me. The next thing I knew, I smelled something really sweet and kinda lost control."
"Wait, you liked my smell before? I thought you were just smelling my, ya know, canine musk."
Melody blushed and fiddled with her hair. "There was that, too, but I kinda liked your natural smell. Before they died, my folks told me that wolves pick their mates by scent."
"Oh…"
Wendy slapped a hand over Mabel's mouth before she could ruin the moment.
"So, if this whole thing was an accident," Soos began.
"It was. I swear, I didn't mean to hurt anyone!"
"And you like my smell…"
"I… do," Melody giggled, still twirling her hair.
"Ya wanna… go to Hoo-Ha Owl's Pizzamatronic Jamboree?"
Wendy and Dipper braced themselves to face-palm, but Melody's eyes widened in infatuation.
"I'm free around 8."
Unable to take it anymore, Mabel opened her mouth in her high-pitched scream, triggering both Soos and Melody to howl while Wendy plugged her ears.
Sitting on Wendy's shoulder, Dipper grinned and heaved a contented sigh. "Ya know what. I think I like this town."
Chapter 113: The Real Girl
With everything else settled and his best shirt prepared for the date, Soos reasoned that there was one last thing that needed doing.
"Hey there, Giffany. We need to talk."
"Of course. I am programmed to find everything you say interesting. It's just nice to see you after all the neglect. Tee-hee."
"Yeah. See, here's the thing. I kinda met this girl, we've got a lot in common, and she's apparently into hairy guys."
"Soos. It sounds like you've been seeing other girls behind my back. I'll forgive you, but only if you apologize," Giffany intoned threateningly.
"I'm not sure I should. I mean, you're just a computer program."
"I'm no mere program. I was created by the finest minds among lonely Japanese men to be the ultimate wifu. I can embody every fetish, meet your every desire, and all I demand is that you sit in that chair and be. My. Boyfriend!"
"I don't think I like the way you're acting."
Giffany got up against the screen and started banging on the glass. "I won't let some cheap slut take you away from me!"
When she started raving, Soos saw no choice but to pause the game while Giffany was making a most chilling expression. He pulled out and pocketed the disk, not noticing the spark jumping from the disk to the tower. "Sorry, Giffany, but I'm taking you back to the store after my date with Melody."
At Hoo-Ha's, Soos arrived to find Melody already waiting just outside. "So, you ready for our… date?" he asked, feeling awkward and sweaty.
"I totally am. I mean, I'm feeling really awkward and kinda sweaty, but sure. Let's do this," affirmed Melody.
"Dude, I feel the same way. Is that a wolf thing?"
"Nah. I think it's more of a nervous virgin thing." Melody tensed. "Not that I'm saying you're a virgin or anything."
"Heh-heh, well, you don't really have to." Soos looked away.
"Oh. So, I would be your first?"
"My first girlfriend in years, or my first…" he trailed off, his meaning clear.
"You'd be my first, too," she answered, bashfully twirling her hair. "You know, depending on how the date goes."
Soos stepped around her and bowed, motioning her inside. "Then please. Ladies first."
From a safe distance, the trio of youngsters were watching to see how things unfolded.
"Ya know, wolf thing aside, I think those two look pretty adorkable together," observed Wendy. Then she tensed and slapped Mabel's hand. "Hey, not in public!"
"Come on. You know you like it," Mabel teased, miming more pinches.
Wendy rolled her eyes and looked at the boy on her shoulder. "Any suggestions on getting her to keep her hands to herself?"
"Cement gloves," Dipper deadpanned. "Anything short of that, and you might as well accept your fate."
Inside the restaurant, Soos and Melody were telling embarrassing food related stories. Soos thought he'd won with the time he ate the decorational bamboo at a Chinese restaurant. However, Melody had him beat with the time she broke into the lion's den at the zoo during feeding time to steal their meat.
"So, did you get it?"
"I got it alright," she laughed, sitting up and gesturing with her thumb at her butt. "Tranquilizer dart right here. I've probably taken a lot more darts than someone my age really should."
"Huh. What is the appropriate age and number of darts, anyway? Who even comes up with these random standards?"
Melody laughed. "You're hilarious."
"Yeah. I just sorta say whatever pops into my… uh…" Soos trailed off as a familiar girl appeared on the game screen behind Melody. Understandably, he spat out his drink in surprise.
"Oh, Soos. Are you okay?"
"Yeah. I mean no. I, um…" Soos looked around as more screens were taken over, now showing very bad things happening to his date. "Sorry, Melody, but I think something really weirds about to happen. Please don't freak out."
Melody's laugh was dismissive. "Soos, I'm a she-wolf. Why would I freak out over any-"
The big screens near the stage blared with blinding pink light as big anime eyes glowered down at those below.
"-thing?" Melody squeaked.
"Don't worry. That's my stalker, but I'm pretty sure she's stuck on TV screens."
In answer, Giffany glided through a line of arcade games before a notable blue spark jumped onto the stage.
"So, uh, you wanna take this date deep into the forest, far away from any electronics?"
"Even if I weren't about to pee myself, I think that'd be lovely," Melody replied with a nervous laugh.
The curtain rose and the animatronic characters all started to play their instruments. Sparks flew and the games all lit up with grotesque imagery that got the other patrons to start leaving. Then, right after Hoo-Ha collapsed, the beaver cheerleader in back began to speak as the lights turned ominous. "Hello friends. Hoo-Ha the owl is dead. This next song goes out to my forever boyfriend, Soos."
"Oh no you didn't!" Melody stood, hair bristling and teeth bared. While Soos tried to pull her to the exit, which had just closed, she stepped between him and the terrifying furry. "I finally meet a guy that actually likes me, and I am not losing him to prey!" she snarled, face elongating and body growing more fuzzy.
Soos blinked. "Is it a bad time to say you just got a lot hotter?"
"Thank you!" Now resembling a classic movie werewolf, Melody charged the stage.
"Nice try, bitch." Giffany infected the other bots and used them to restrain her rival. "Let's see how you like it when someone rips your heart out." She blasted melody with electricity, sending her flying right into Soos' arms.
"Melody! Melody, speak to me!" The she-wolf groaned in pain. "You," he growled at the beaver. "I liked her. How could you do this to me?"
"Don't you see, Soos. I love you. And sometimes, love hurts." The ski ball games came to life, somehow firing the spheres like bullet hoses.
Soos tried to shield Melody with his body, but the other bots were closing in.
"Soos," Melody groaned. "You have to… change. It's the only way."
"Change? Become a werewolf? But… I don't know how."
"Just feel your inner beast," Melody wheezed. "Don't care what others think and just give in to your base instincts. What do you want to do, more than anything?"
"I… I want to protect you," Soos whimpered helplessly. "But I don't know how."
"Then protect this." Grabbing the back of his head, Melody pulled Soos into a kiss. Her teeth were sharp and she imagined that her dog breath was nasty. But despite that, Soos pressed his face back into hers as his lips started to move. He was into it.
"Slut!" shrieked Giffany. "I won't let her take you from me, you-"
Soos whirled around, eyes glowing blue and sporting more facial hair than ever. Fingers like claws and shirt ripping under his swelling bulk, he roared at the bots, making them flinch back. The wolf man charged, tearing into the bots with his teeth and claws. Then, when only the beaver was left, Soos sounded a war howl and charged again, only to be blasted back by more electricity.
"You cannot defeat me, Soos. I love you, and love is invincible," Giffany said, stalking closer. "Real girls are cruel and unpredictable. Do you really think Melody will accept you after a disaster like this?"
"D-damn straight," coughed the injured she-wolf.
"You shut your whore mouth!"
Panting and in pain, Soos tried and failed to stand. However, though his human mind was fuzzy, he was just lucid enough to recognize the disk shaped bulge in his pocket.
"Come with me, Soos. You know we were meant for each other. What do you say?"
"I say…" Soos looked up, shooting the beaver a wicked smirk, and produced the disk for all to see. "Game over." Before Giffany could stop him, he chomped the thing into a dozen pieces.
Giffany gave a shrill synthesized scream as every screen lit up with her image, only to all go out at once.
Outside, while the rest of the mall evacuated from all the electronics going on the fritz, the crew finally managed to open the locked doors and get inside. They rushed in, calling for Soos, but could barely see a thing in the dark.
"You hear that?" Dipper asked. "Sounds like two elephant seals trying to wrestle."
"Oh, dear God!" Wendy said, slapping a hand over her eyes.
"What's wrong?" asked Mabel, only to be pushed out of the restaurant.
"My eyes just adjusted and you don't need to see this."
"But what about Soos?"
"He looked like he's having fun, now get your tiny butt in gear!"
Chapter 114: A Race between Weirdoes
Following the big night at the mall, the Shack was technically closed on account of Stan having gone off to Vegas for poorly explained reasons. As such, the work crew decided that they deserved a rest after recent events.
"So what's it like being a werewolf anyway?" Dipper asked.
"Scary, but also exciting," replied Soos. "It's like there's this other side of you, this side that you burry your whole life. You let it out, and you just want to run with it. To feel the wind rushing across your face, to hear the sounds of nature, and to feel your prey's dying struggles before they go limp in your mouth."
"You had me up until that last part," remarked Wendy.
"Hehe. Yeah. Sorry, dudes. I just got all these amazing new feelings. Its crazy." Then his gaze lingered on the redhead. "What about you? Feeling any different?"
"I haven't actually changed yet," Wendy reminded. "Still not sure if I even want to. Though I have been noticing a bunch of little things. It's like my senses are heightened. When I walk down main street, it's like I know exactly where every dog has peed over the last week."
"I know where every dog has peed, and also which ones did the peeing," bragged Soos.
"Dude, that is both gross and awesome," Wendy chuckled. "So, you seeing Melody again anytime soon?"
"Unfortunately, she had to leave. She's looking for a new pack to join and she might've found one. At least we still video chat, though."
"Good on you, Soos. Keep the love alive!" cheered Mabel. "So, can you tell us about-?"
"Nope."
"Oh, come ooon!"
"Nuh-uh."
"Mabel, drop it," Dipper chided. "The man's private life is his own business. He doesn't have to tell us if he doesn't want to."
"Thanks little dude. I knew you'd have my back."
"Although, objectively speaking, you are now a furry," Dipper added, souring Soos' mood while making the others snicker.
"Not cool, dude. Not cool."
"Well, I'm into minizora. What's that make me?" Wendy asked.
"That would be a microphile," Dipper answered.
"Oh-oh-oh. Do me. Do me next!" Mabel shot her hand into the air and jumped around. "What am I?"
"The reason theoretical science is given its own broad category. The unknown is vast and mysterious," Dipper explained dramatically. "Some men spend lifetimes trying to understand the infinite chaos, only to lose their minds completely."
Mabel pumped her fist. "Yes!"
"Huh. You know, all my life I've felt like an outsider," Dipper thought aloud. "Now, all of a sudden it's like I'm the plain one in the room."
"Aww. Is itty bitty Dippy feewing left out?" Mabel teased, roughly rubbing his head.
"I'm still kinda surprised you two were basically shut out of that last adventure," remarked Wendy. "Usually you're at the center of everything. This time Soos messed up, saved the day, and got the girl all on his own. We probably could've just stayed here and nothing would have changed."
Mabel tittered. "Except then you wouldn't have seen a couple werewolves-"
"Nope." Wendy silenced Mabel by stuffing a Gideon plushy in her mouth. "Never happened."
"Do werewolves use dentists?" Dipper asked. "It seems like there's a big risk in an accidental bite."
"Don't know. I'll be sure to ask Melody the next time we chat."
Mabel's phone rang and her smile widened. "Uh-oh. I know who this is." She put the phone to her ear and said, "Hey girl. How ya been?"
Wendy rolled her eyes. "Get a room."
"I'm working on it," Mabel snapped. "What? Oh no. That was just Wendy. Yeah. Yeah, the whole gang's here. And I'm happy to report that Soos' date was a total success. Huh? Well, I didn't see it myself, but according to Wendy, the two of them were making out hardcore on the floor of Hoo-Ha's."
"Uh, you didn't tell her about the whole wolf thing, did you?" Soos asked apprehensively.
Mabel put her hand over the speaker. "Of course, not. I only tell the gossipy parts."
"At least it's a standard," Wendy allowed with a shrug. "So anyway, with Stan gone and no customers in sight, what do you guys wanna do? We could either bail and hit the town, or see if Soos'll play fetch with a ham steak?"
Dipper raised his hand. "I vote the first one, on account of I'm pretty sure he'd do the second one even if he weren't a werewolf."
"I'd like to argue, but I can't," Soos conceded.
In no real hurry, the four headed out on foot after locking up. It was a nice day and taking it easy seemed like the best idea.
Wendy inhaled deeply. "Wow. Smell that fresh air. It's funny the things you never really notice. Then one day you find out you're secretly a blood sucker of the night and BAM! Nature just smells prettier."
"Tell me about it, dude. All these sounds and smells. They just fill me with so much energy. Hey, wanna race?"
Wendy moved Dipper from her shoulder to her breast pocket and pointed to Mabel. "Only if you carry a handicap."
"Deal." Soos lifted a giggling Mabel onto his shoulders.
The tallest of the troop lined up, waited for Mabel's cue, and tore down the road. All four laughed at the innate freedom of the wind pelting their faces. The kids were especially enjoying themselves, treating their carriers like rides and offering encouragement to go faster.
"Come on, Soos. Pizza with everything on it if you win."
"Oh yeah? Well pizza with everything on it if you win," Dipper countered. "And also me." It was both hilarious and a little scary how much faster Wendy went.
"Don't let her beat you, Soos. Pizza and um, uh… a walk. You wanna go for a walk, boy? Do ya?"
"Mabel, that's demeaning," Dipper chided.
"It's also working." Wendy whistled as Soos pulled away. "Come on, Dipper. Give me something. You can't let me lose to Soos. I'll never hear the end of it."
Dipper hummed as the trees whizzed by. He was trying to think up an answer. What would motivate Wendy to give it her all? "I got it! Hey, remember when Mabel showed you that picture of me in the lamb costume? Well, there's more."
Eyes like that of the terminator, Wendy redoubled her speed. In no time she closed the gap with Soos, only to pull on ahead.
"Soos, think of your pride as a werewolf. You can't let a vampire beat you."
"I don't really have that yet. Melody's been telling me stories, but I'm still pretty new to the culture," Soos panted, starting to slow down.
"Good point. Hey! You know what'd really impress Melody? If you told her you beat out a filthy vamp in a test of skill."
"You're paying for that later," avowed Wendy.
"I'll take my chances," Mabel accepted with a friendly wave. "Come on, Soos. Do it for Melody. Do it for – what I assume to be – her hot and fuzzy werewolf body. Do it, Soos. Do it for all the furries who could never rise above sad basement dwellers. For the furries, Soos!"
Against all reason and common sense, Mabel's speech actually worked. Partially transforming, Soos switched to running on all fours and once more passed Wendy. The redheaded larva was left in the big man's wolfy dust as Mabel laughed maniacally at her victory.
Resigned to her defeat, Wendy lost momentum before coming to a halt. She braced her hands on her knees and panted. Then, just as Dipper was worried she was feeling down, she threw her head back. "Whew! What a rush! I haven't had a run like that in forever."
Dipper smiled at Wendy's happiness. "What about the shapeshifter?"
"Pssh. That was in a cave. Plus, we were running for our lives. This was a chance to really cut loose just for the fun of it. Ya know, there are times when I think this town ain't so bad."
"Considering all the great people I've met, I've pretty much liked this town from day one. The view ain't half bad, either." Dipper tried to look cool as he leaned on his elbow in Wendy's pocket and looked up at her face.
"Watch it, little man," warned Wendy with a smile. "Keep that up and I won't be held responsible for what I do to you."
"I'll take my chances," dared Dipper smugly.
Okay, folks. Sorry for the earlier mistake. This is the real next episode/chapter. I guess I was a little tired in my prior post, so hopefully you guys won't mind those minor spoilers. Anyway, the same offer from before still applies. For just $1 a month, you can get early access to these chapters and more /typist-gray