Trigger Warning - suicide attempt/ overdose/ resuscitation/ dark thoughts / unstable mental state

Please do not read if you're triggered in any way.

Special thanks to Pinkpillow19 for helping with the editing process! :)

Chapter 26 Fight For Yourself

Emma wasn't sure how long she had laid there with Regina, but the light was shifting through the windows and she could hear people leaving from outside. She guessed the gathering was over, and Henry was probably wondering what was taking so long. She had held the brunette until the crying had stopped and she had gone still in her arms. Even after she had fallen asleep, Emma didn't move. She was still in shock at what transpired just a few hours ago. Cora pushed Regina until she fell over the edge. As frightening as it was to see her snap and attack Mary Margaret, it had been just as frightening when Regina realized what she had almost done. At this point Emma didn't know what was next. More therapy? More rehab? More meds? Nothing was working, and not knowing what was going to happen at this point scared the living daylights out of her. Deciding it was time to get going before it got too late, she carefully slid out from under her so she didn't wake her. She felt ok to drive now, and maybe once Regina woke up she'd be ok to make the long drive back from Boston to Storybrooke. That way they wouldn't have to stay in a hotel after all.

She checked on the sleeping brunette to make sure she was really out before leaving the room, making sure to not close the door all the way. She knew how much of a trigger it was for her to wake up alone in a closed room. Regina had one explained to her that Leopold used to lock her in his study or even the bathroom at times.

She headed down the grand staircase, realizing how quiet the mansion was now that everyone had left. She wondered where Henry might have gone to. She was just about to text him when she heard quiet voices coming from somewhere within the house. She crossed the foyer and down the hall that led to what she guessed was Henry Sr's study. She peeked in to see Henry sitting on the floor. Cora was sitting on the couch looking down at him as he showed her his drawings of the Good Queen and her Knight. He carried his backpack with his writing and drawing materials around as some kind of safety net. At first it worried Emma, but then Regina had assured her he's been doing that since he was a young child. Archie had worked with him and insisted there was no harm in it. His imagination was his safe place, and he had used it when he and Regina were living with Leopold. He's improved since then and only seemed to carry his backpack around when the situation was going to be stressful. She wouldn't be surprised if he had stayed holed up in the study, working on his stories the whole time she and Regina were upstairs. Maybe Cora had walked in and found him after everyone left. She wasn't sure what they were talking about, but she managed to catch just the end of their conversation. She didn't mean to eavesdrop, but for some reason Henry brought out a softer side of Cora that she has never seen.

He was explaining his drawings and Cora was listening with a fascinated interest. Why was it that she could open up her heart and emotions to her grandson, but she couldn't with her own daughter? She took a breath and knocked, letting them know of her presence before walking in. The openness on Cora's face immediately became guarded and it was scary how similar she was to Regina when she closed herself off as well. It seemed as if Regina learned from the best.

"I see you, nor my daughter listened when I asked you to leave," she said coldly.

"We need to talk," she said, because she wasn't going to allow Cora to treat Regina like this any further. Today was the last straw. She had pushed Regina so far and almost to the point of no return.

"I'll go wait in the kitchen and get some hot chocolate or something," Henry mumbled, not wanting to be a part of this. Poor kid sounded tired, and she pulled him into her arms before he could leave.

"I'm sorry kid, I know you're exhausted. I just need to talk to your grandmother and then we can go."

"Is she ok?" he asked, obviously worried for his mother. "Can I go up and see her?" She wasn't sure if that was a good idea just yet. Regina was sleeping and she wasn't sure what kind of state of mind she would be in when she woke up.

"Just wait for me," she instructed, and with one last hug, he left the room with his backpack in tow. When they were alone, Emma closed the door just in case Henry decided to eavesdrop. She looked at the stoic woman who was currently fixing herself a drink from her husband's minibar.

"You want to talk about Regina," Cora's voice was calm and in control. Emma couldn't imagine growing up with someone like this. She couldn't imagine being afraid of your own mother or never being able to get the love or approval from the one person that was supposed to give it so freely. She knew that Regina escaped to Eva's house often in her childhood. Maye Eva was some sort of mother figure to her? She wasn't sure, but she knew Regina's guarded heart and fearfulness of showing emotion came from her mother.

"You pushed her on purpose," Emma stated angrily.

"I heard she attacked Mary Margaret. I must say I'm surprised," she said, her tone as casual as if she were just talking about the weather. Emma blanched at that.

"Why are you so hard on her?" she asked.

"I want her to be strong. I don't want anyone to bend her to their will. I've taught her that since she was a small child. When she married Leopold, I expected her to take control and instead she was weak and allowed him to belittle her."

"He beat her!" Emma shouted, unable to contain her anger any longer. "She was a child. You both took advantage of that. How could you want that for your daughter?"

"His abuse will serve as a lesson as to what happens when she is weak!" Cora snapped. "A lesson I needed to teach her again today."

"You broke her."

"I made her stronger."

Emma shook her head in disgust.

"How did you get like this?" she sneered, the exact same words she had thrown at Regina when they had been enemies. That seemed like a million years ago now.

"You'd be surprised," Cora replied with nonchalance in her voice, as if her own trauma wasn't a big deal.

"Whatever you went through, do you really wish that upon your own daughter?" she asked, her voice shaking and Cora's eyes suddenly flashed with a tiny bit of remorse until she quickly replaced it with anger.

"You don't know what I had to go through. You don't know the deals I had to make. Regina should be grateful for what I've done for her. Instead she allowed that man to hurt her!"

"Are you angry at her for not being an abusive spouse to Leopold like you were with Henry? For not taking power into her own hands and taking advantage? I bet you raised her to be the mini version of you. You're angry at her because she didn't turn out like you!"

"You're starting to sound like Eva!" Cora snapped and the startled look on her face told Emma she hadn't meant to share that piece of information.

"So Eva saw the way you mistreated Regina too?" Emma observed curiously. "You know, Mary Maragret had mentioned to me that you two weren't talking before she died."

"She didn't understand, and neither do you," Cora retorted stubbornly. There was something with this woman that intrigued Emma. Something from her past prevented her from loving her daughter for who she was.

"Despite your past. Despite your reasons for treating your daughter like this… It's time to wake up!" Emma snapped, desperately needing Cora to see how wrong she was today. "In case you haven't noticed, Regina hasn't been ok for a very long time. Today was the last time I ever let you hurt her like you did today. Unless she wishes to see you, you are not allowed to see her or Henry until something changes." Maybe the threat of not seeing Regina or Henry will make her realize just how much she has to lose. Emma had a feeling Cora did care for Regina, she's seen little instances of it here and there, but something held her back. Something needed to snap her out of her trauma and realize just how much she has hurt her own daughter.

"You can't keep me from seeing my daughter or my grandson."

"Oh I can, and I will. Maybe it's time you get some help of your own. You forget, I'm the sheriff and I can issue a restraining order if necessary."

She turned her back on the fuming older woman, not even giving her a chance to say anything else. She headed for the foyer, determined to grab her girlfriend and son, and get the hell out of here.

Regina felt Emma leaving her side in her sleep. It was until the cold empty spot beside her became unbearable, did she fully wake up. Her mind was in some kind of dark void she couldn't escape from. She felt as if she were numb. She felt as if she were broken. Her mind had snapped to a dark place and before she knew it, her hands were around Mary Margaret's throat with the intention to kill her. She was barely even aware of what she was doing. The rage, the hurt, the deep pain in her heart drove her until Emma's voice tore through and snapped her out of it. And it was with brutal clarity, she realized what she almost did. No matter how much she hated the girl, she would have never killed or harmed her, at least not until now. It scared her so much that her mind had switched to something so dark and frightening that she wasn't able to control herself. It terrified her that she was capable of the murder she dreamed about as the Evil Queen. She could remember breaking down, could remember Emma holding her tight against her body. Everything was a blur after that, and she couldn't remember how she ended up in one of the guest rooms.

She tried going back to sleep, tried to ignore the dark depressing thoughts from swirling in her mind. She couldn't stop thinking. Sadness and despair weighed heavily on her heart with what she was almost capable of doing. Taking a life. She had fallen so far and no longer recognized herself. So she did what she did best. She swallowed her sadness. She swallowed her pain. She tried to bury her emotions but even then, that wasn't enough when it was practically bursting at the seams. She couldn't stop feeling, and she wanted it to stop.

Giving up, she got up from the bed, needing some kind of relief from the overwhelming emotions. Maybe going to her father's room and feeling close to him would help soothe the intense self loathing and depression she found herself trapped in. She quietly opened the door and walked down the hall, wondering why it was so quiet. Maybe everyone had gone home?

She entered his room and instead of feeling calm and loved like she always did in his presence, she felt a deep kind of despair. Grief bubbled within her and she couldn't help the sob that escaped her lips. She missed him so much. She needed him. Her hand grazed the railing of the hospital bed that was neatly made.

And then a terrifying thought came to mind. One that she hasn't had since Emma walked in on her holding a knife to her wrist.

She could be at peace too. Her hands started shaking.

She swallowed her sobs and walked into the adjoining bathroom, her warped mind set on what needed to be done. Emma and Henry would be better off without her, she couldn't help but think. They didn't need her and her baggage. They didn't need to be walking on eggshells around her, never knowing what will trigger her next. Henry had Emma, and surely that could be enough, right? And Emma… She deserves someone that wasn't damaged.

Cora didn't love her. She manipulated her. She played with her emotions. She sold her to an abusive man who brutalized her, and blamed her for letting him over power her. She could care less about the horrors she had gone through.

And then the self loathing. The deep self hatred she felt for herself. She had been consumed in it for years and it increasingly got worse with time. She hated the young girl that laid trapped under her new husband, crying and terrified as he raped her in their marital bed the night of their wedding. She hated the woman that cowered under her husband's fists. The mother who cried alone and in pain in a hospital bed after she had lost her baby. She hated the angry cold hearted woman she had become by the time Emma came to Storybrooke, the wife of the mayor that no one dared to mess with. Leopold's degrading words echoed in her head. He'd tell her no one would ever love her and she was lucky that he had married her. He'd tell her she deserved every punishment. Her debt to him would never be repaid after putting his daughter in danger. Perhaps he was right. Perhaps, she deserved everything he gave her.

She looked at her reflection in the mirror of the medicine cabinet, a quick flash of Emma holding her, smiling at their reflection in the guest bathroom just hours ago flashed before her eyes, but not even that was enough to stop her. She saw a broken little girl instead. She stared at her reflection with disgust, and averted her eyes, unable to look at herself.

She ripped open the cabinet, finding the many medications that her father had been on. She reached out, her hand shaking as she pulled a vial from the shelf and opened it. She poured the pills into her palm, feeling the weight of them. And for just a moment, she had a moment of clarity.

Was she really going to do this?

Tears were streaming down her cheeks as she replayed today's event in her head for what seemed like the millionth time. The deep despair she felt at being played by her mother and then the hot uncontrollable rage she felt as she wrapped her hands around Mary Margaret's neck. She could still feel the other woman's pulse in her hands, the feeling of her choking beneath her fingers. She had been so close to killing her.

She closed her eyes as her self loathing fully consumed her.

She couldn't see the difference between her and the Evil Queen anymore. She had fallen so far from the young naive girl she had once been before the night of the accident. She couldn't keep living like this, always in between happiness and depression. Self loathing and love. She was like a shadow that was slowly fading as the light inside of her died.

She was exhausted.

She opened her eyes and without a second thought she quickly swallowed the pills. Her hands were severely shaking as she turned on the tap and cupped some water in her palms to help her swallow them. It wasn't enough so she grabbed another vile and swallowed them too.

She started to get dizzy, her vision blurring and it felt like she was dissociating from her body. She grabbed a third vile and swallowed those as well. Her heart was racing, her breaths were fast and labored and she broke out into a cold sweat.

It wasn't enough! Anger suddenly overwhelmed her. She was frustrated that she wasn't able to numb her emotions fast enough. She wanted this to be over with before she'd realized what she was doing.

And with an angry cry she reached out and knocked all the bottles to the floor, the pills scattered all around her feet. She broke down in sobs as she reached for a fourth vile with severely shaking hands. She had barely popped open the lid when she had gone down. She fell to her knees; The fear she had been afraid of was suddenly replacing her anger as she realized there was no going back. She dropped the vial she was holding and it scattered with the others that were on the floor.

She felt delirious, her head swimming and her vision blurring. She vomited, not even hearing Henry's voice calling for her.

Something in her told her to fight, she started coughing again, feeling the meds threatening to come back up. Her body was rejecting the poison. She started to panic as the reality of what she was doing started to hit her. Tears were streaming down her cheeks and she let out a panicked sob as another wave of nausea hit her. She vomited once more.

What was she doing? Was she really going to kill herself? Leave Henry without his mother and break Emma's heart in the worst way imaginable? Her body started fighting, but the poison was already inside her and she fell completely to the floor. Her panic started to intensify, sobs racked her body as she felt her skin meet the cold tiles like a burning shock.

"No," she whimpered as her vision started to fade. Her heart was beating so fast she thought it might just burst out of her chest. She held on as long as she could, desperately trying to stay conscious until help could arrive, but in the end she couldn't fight it.

Henry was too worried to sit and wait for Emma so he went upstairs despite her directions. He wasn't sure where she would be. He only knew that she was in one of the rooms upstairs like David had explained. He had been playing with one of his cousins from his grandfather's side when David approached him looking stressed and flustered. He pulled him aside and had explained that Regina broke down and Emma took her upstairs to rest and to make sure to give them some space for a while. So with a heavy heart, he waited even after the guests started leaving. He had situated himself in his grandfather's study with his stories and drawings until Cora had found him.

He's done enough waiting and so he started checking all the guest rooms, until he arrived at his grandfather's old room. The door was opened and the light was on.

"Mom?" he called, stepping inside and seeing the bathroom door closed. He can hear the sound of the water faucet running. A feeling of dread suddenly washed over him as he approached the door. Something was wrong and just as he was contemplating he should probably run down and grab Emma, he heard Regina coughing. It sounded as if she were vomiting and without a second thought he pushed open the door and froze in sheer horror.

"Ma!" he screamed.

Emma was walking through the foyer on her way to the kitchen with Cora trailing her, furiously going on about how she had no right to even issue a restraining order. She just rolled her eyes and before another word can be said Henry was barreling down the stairs in a panic. His face full of tears and his eyes full of terror.

"Henry!" She didn't even recognize her own voice through the panic.

"It's mom!" he cried, stopping halfway down the stairs. "She's in grandpa's bathroom!" And then he was running back up. Sheer terror washed over her and Emma ran up the stairs so fast she passed Henry and rushed into Henry Sr.'s room. The bathroom door was open and she could see a hand on the floor coming from behind the door. She was about to be sick. Her legs almost gave out, but she forced herself to stay in control.

"No! No… no … no… Regina!" she cried.

She rushed in and fell to her knees beside her. She was on the floor unconscious. Vomit was on the floor as well. Pills were scattered all around as if they had been thrown from the medicine cabinet on purpose. Her breaths were dangerously shallow and she was so cold. She pulled her body into her arms just as Cora rushed in with Henry.

"What on earth… Oh god!" Cora's panicked voice sounded behind her and Emma faced her with panicked eyes. Cora was frozen in shock, her eyes fixed on her non responsive daughter. Emma didn't really care for Cora's shock, she was more focused on the crying boy beside her.

"Get him out of here!" Emma yelled. "Cora!"

The older woman snapped out of her shocked state and pulled out a crying Henry with her.

"Call 911!" she screamed, proceeding to turn Regina over so her torso was on her lap and her face was facing the floor. She then shoved her fingers down her throat, forcing her to throw up the pills she had swallowed. She had no idea that the medicine cabinet was full and she harshly kicked herself for even leaving her alone in the first place.

"Come on, baby," she said softly, determined to not let her go. "Stay with me."

Regina vomited until she no longer could. Emma hoped that was a sign she had gotten everything out of her stomach. God, how many did she take and what?!

Emma repositioned her in her lap so she was cradling Regina against her. She held her tight and brought a hand up to her face, lightly slapping her cheeks to get her to respond.

"Regina! Can you hear me? Can you open your eyes?"

Nothing. No response.

"Dammit, Regina! What the hell were you thinking!" she snapped, slightly shaking her to try and rouse her. She immediately felt guilty the moment the words were out of her mouth. Of course she knew what she was thinking, or at least some part of it. She knew she was grieving, she knew was mentally unstable because of the ptsd and depression. However, after she had broken down in the kitchen, she had no idea what was going through her head. She shouldn't have left her! She should have woken her, got her and Henry in the car and drove away as fast as she could. She should have gotten her home, checked in with her and made sure she wasn't in place where she felt suicide was the answer to whatever it was she was trying to escape from.

She checked her pulse and realized in horror how weak it was, and just as Emma was really starting to panic, three paramedics were suddenly rushing in and sliding Regina off of her lap and onto the floor. Emma could only scoot back and sit there, shaking as she tried to stay out of the way.

"What did she take?" a paramedic asked with a no nonsense tone as he monitored her vitals. Emma looked around at all the meds scattered on the floor, looking overwhelmed and completely distraught.

"I don't know," she whispered. "There were so many prescriptions in the cabinet that belonged to her father. There was something wrong with his heart."

"And how long ago did she swallow them."

"I don't know," Emma cried. "My son found her right before you showed up. I made her vomit everything up." Oh god, Henry! He saw her like this! "Is she…"

She didn't even get to finish that sentence when the paramedic suddenly started shouting orders and Emma watched in horror as they started performing CPR. She wasn't breathing! She couldn't watch this! Regina was so small and lifeless on the tiled floor, her body being pumped as they tried to get her breathing again.

She had to walk away. She had to trust Regina was in good hands, because she was about to be sick and couldn't risk pulling the paramedics' attention away from the one who needed it most.

She got up on shaky legs and rushed out into the room. She threw up in a small trash can, her hand on her stomach as she heaved. When she was done and had taken deep breaths, two of the paramedics were moving Regina onto a stretcher. They attached her to oxygen and then quickly started moving her out of the bathroom. The third one came up to Emma as they rushed her out to the ambulance.

"She's breathing again, but we need to get her to the hospital. Are you riding with us?"

"Of course…" she started to say, but then stopped. Henry. She couldn't just leave him and as much as she wanted to go with Regina, she knew Regina would have wanted her to stay with him. "Actually I'll follow behind. Where are you going?"

"Boston Emergency," she nodded and then rushed after her colleagues.

Emma rushed downstairs, watching from the door as they loaded Regina into the ambulance and drove away. She closed the door and took a moment to stop her tears and control her shaking. She took a deep breath.

She'll be ok. We got to her in time, she told herself, trying to force herself to believe that. She went into the living room and found Cora sitting on the couch and comforting an hysterical Henry in her arms. If it weren't for the situation, she would have found it odd that Cora was comforting him, but right now trying to understand the cruel complex woman wasn't important.

"Oh, Henry," she whispered, her eyes watering once more as she knelt beside him. "You were so brave. You found her just in time. You saved her, kid."

He sat up from where he had his face buried against Cora. His body racked with sobs as he leaned into his mother. She held him tightly, running her fingers through his hair and trying to offer as much comfort as she could. "Is she dead?" he whispered and Emma nearly let out a sob. Tears were streaming down her cheeks and her own body shook as she cried as well.

"No, she was breathing," she reassured him, hoping to god nothing had changed from here to the hospital. She pulled away and looked into his fearful eyes. "Get your things and go meet me in the car," she said, giving him the keys to the bug. Cora looked at her in shock as Henry did as he was told.

"You're taking him to see her like that?" she asked appalled, pure disgust on her face. Emma rounded on her in an instant.

"Of course I'm taking him with me!" she shouted. "We are not coming back here! If you ever want to see Henry again, you better pray Regina survives, because I sure as hell won't be giving you any rights to see him after the shit you pulled today! It's your fault that Regina…" she trailed off for a moment as a sob broke free from her lips. "It's your fault she felt the need to kill herself! You pushed her so far that she felt living wasn't an option! I love my son with every ounce of my being and I can't even begin to understand how you can't even love your own daughter!"

She stormed out, not even sticking around to see Cora's reaction. She didn't care. All that mattered was the woman she loved who was currently fighting for her life right now. She got into the car and never looked back. She never wanted to see Cora again, but she knew eventually she would because if Regina survived this, she knew she would never fully cut Cora out of her life no matter how cruel of a mother she was to her. Even if she couldn't forgive her for selling her to an abusive man, she knew Regina would always love her. She would always crave her love and approval; just like Emma longed to find her parents and be enough for them even if they didn't want her. Her tears blurred her vision as she drove carefully to the hospital, one hand on the steering wheel and the other holding Henry's hand. The poor kid was shaking in the passenger seat. She couldn't believe he had seen her overdosed on meds. She knew this was something he could never unsee.

The ride to the hospital was silent. All that could be heard was Henry's soft sniffling.

"Hey kid, what happens at the end of the story?" she asked, wanting to distract him from the worst possible outcome. Losing Regina.

"The story?" he asked, confused.

"The Good Queen and her Knight," she clarified. "How does the story end?"

"They… I haven't finished it," he said, his voice trembling with grief. Once she took care of Regina, she needed to get this kid into a therapy session asap. She was so worried for him after what he had just witnessed. Something she couldn't describe bubbled deep down within her, and when she realized what it was, she was surprised and maybe even in a little bit of denial, because Regina was in a very dark place. She felt disgusted with herself when she realized she was angry at Regina for being so careless and trying to kill herself with the possibility of Henry finding her. For taking her life and not even thinking about who she was leaving behind.

She swallowed the anger, because now wasn't the time.

"How do you think it's going to end?" she asked again when he didn't say anything else.

"The Knight finally finds her family within the Queen and her little prince. The Queen finally feels at home in her world. They get their happy endings."

Emma almost forgot how to breathe out of shock at Henry's description of his character's happy endings. Characters that were based on his mothers. Is that what he believed their happy endings were, despite finding love between each other?

"That's right, kid," she whispered. "In the end, we get our happy endings."

By the time Emma and Henry arrived at the hospital, the ER doctors had already stabilized Regina, got her on fluids and Naloxone and she was currently recovering in a room. Emma approached the room, finally slowing down and taking a moment to breathe. Regina was ok. She was alive. And now they had to face what she had tried to do.

"Henry, I know you want to see her but I need a moment with her," she said, lowering to his level and raising his chin with her hand. He looked so distraught and exhausted, she had a feeling he might end up knocking out on one of the chairs. "It won't take long," she assured.

"Fine," he groaned, moving away and situated himself on a chair that was against the wall. She took a breath and opened the door. She gasped when she saw her. Regina was so small and pale, buried in the crisp white sheets of the hospital bed. She was attached to monitors and IV's. Her face was relaxed, despite the trauma her body just went through. The doctor had told her she had yet to gain consciousness and probably wouldn't for a day or two.

She approached the bed until she was standing by the side, her hands gripping the rail. She reached out, hesitating at first, but then gently tucked some strands of dark hair behind her ears. She had almost lost her and the reality of that suddenly hit her at full force.

She broke down crying, desperately trying to keep her sobs quiet unless Henry might hear her through the walls. Grief tore through her. What would have happened if Henry didn't find her in time? Would it have been too late? Would they be attending another funeral so soon? Emma couldn't even bear thinking about that. So she focused on how lucky they were that Regina had survived. Emma wiped her tears and pulled up a chair. She sat down and gently took her hand, being mindful of the IVs inserted in her veins.

She sat and stared at her for a while, feeling completely numb. She didn't know what to do now. She'd have to call Archie. Maybe he'd know the next step, and then she found herself thinking about Dr. Blaze. More specifically she started thinking about what she had said in their last phone call. She had said Regina was going to hit a very low point that will push her to make a decision. If this wasn't a low point, Emma wasn't sure what was. This had to be the lowest point she had ever seen Regina reach.

"I don't know if you can hear me," Emma started, her voice cracking. "I'm not even sure of how much you're aware of right now." Talking to Regina, hearing her own voice resonating in the room, and getting no response sent icy cold chills down her spine. She could have easily been talking to her like this, but in the morgue instead. That thought frightened Emma to death and a panicked sob escaped her lips. She stood and went over to face the window instead as she tried to regain control of her emotions. Anger suddenly overcame her, the same surge of anger she felt in the car on the way here. This time she didn't push it away. She rounded on Regina, facing her and once more standing by her side, her grip tight on the bed railing.

"This is your rock bottom," she stated angrily through her tears. "This is the point where you need to ask herself what happens next, because I cannot go through you trying to kill yourself again. Henry can not go through this again. He can not lose you! Despite whatever twisted fucked up bullshit Cora drilled into your head, you are enough, Regina. You will always be enough. You need to start believing that too."

She let go of the anger, and all she felt was heartbreak as she leaned down and placed a sweet kiss on her forehead.

"I love you too much to lose you," she whispered. "Fight for us. Fight for yourself."

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