Chapter 27: Vignettes 4

Aprils Fool was cancelled this year because no made up prank could match the unbelievable nerfshit going on in the world right now. Thank the Force for fanfiction!

Bonus #1:

Setting: Shortly before the Nirauan reception.

Colonel Rhia Meiral shook her head as she chose a different shade of lipstick for the gala. This one suits me better, she thought.

"You are putting an unusual amount of attention to your appearance today." Korlm commented quietly from the doorway.

Meiral suppressed a smirk as she turned to face her Chiss husband. "How do I look?"

"Presentable."

Meiral chuckled. "It's an official event. I must look presentable."

"Have you forgotten how human males behaved in the beginning? It will make you look inferior in their eyes." Korlm's glowing eyes narrowed.

"I don't know. Seems like there are plenty of bold female officers in the Imperial Remnant now." Meiral countered.

"Nevertheless, I am coming with you." Korlm said in a tone which broke no argument.

"You've always found human events boring…" Meiral reminded him. "More than Commander Stent ever did. And that's something."

"It matters little whether I die of boredom here or at the gala."

The Chiss was adorable when he was jealous. Not that he would have ever admitted it aloud. Not even to an interrogation droid.

Meiral shrugged. "Okay. Let's go together."

Bonus #2:

Setting: Several years ago...

Admiral Parck tried his best to look unaffected as the door opened. Next to him, Syal stormed out of the turbolift, running to her husband as quick as her pregnant body allowed. Once again, the Grey Squadron succeeded in impossible, albeit not without causalities this time. Medics rushed to the injured pilots who were unable to climb out of their fighters-with Stent's clawcraft among them.

Parck released a sigh in relief as he saw the Chiss stand up and help the other occupant, General Fel, whose TIE Fighter had been destroyed during the mission. The pale blue wonder seemed uninjured but the same couldn't be said of the Corellian ace pilot. There was a bandage over his right eye and the dried-up blood suggested a serious injury.

"Syal..." Fel called as the famous holoactress rushed into his arms, pushing the medics away.

"Tir!" She gasped as she hugged him tightly. "By the Force! What happened?"

"I think I lost an eye."

"What?!" Syal shouted loud enough for the entire hangar to hear. She pulled away from the embrace, throwing him a hard glare. "What. Did. You. Say?"

"Don't worry, dear, even with one eye I'm still the best pilot around." The overly proud Corellian said with a small laugh which only infuriated his wife further. The pale blue wonder flinched as the holoactress turned to him, jabbing her finger in the air accusingly.

"Stent, if it's a result of one of your stupid stunts..."

"No, Mrs Fel," the Chiss defended himself furiously as Fel said soothed his wife: "Calm down, love. If it wasn't for him, I would have lost more than one eye."

"Baron Soontir Fel of Astrilde Bottomlands," Syal formally addressed him in Corellian fashion. "You are a father of four with fifth child on their way! How dare you risk your life in such careless manner!"

Parck eyed the pale blue wonder with suspicion. If what Fel said was true, it meant that Stent had risked his life in even more careless manner in an effort to save him. Unfortunately, Parck was an admiral, not a drama queen. It wouldn't be good for his reputation to throw a temper tantrum in the main hangar. He would wait until an official debriefing and then he'd give his husband a vicious dressing down later in private.

Bonus #3:

Setting: Even further in the past.

After a long, tiring day of negotiation with the Dhxzqrrrmph government over the access to their natural resources, all Commander Parck wished for was a quiet moment of peace in the privacy of his own cabin. He might have been a good actor but he had little tolerance for political nerfshit. Moreover, he didn't trust anyone who had no vowels in their name. Had he been the captain, Parck would have sprayed the planet's surface with turbolaser fire.

Unfortunately, it seemed that a hot shower and comedy holo would have to wait since there was a Chiss warrior standing at attention by the door to his quarters. Now that was highly unusual, especially given the Chiss general distaste for intruding upon one's privacy.

[Good evening, warrior.] Parck tried in Cheunh, internally praying he got the pronunciation right. After today, he wouldn't complain about the complexity of Chiss language ever again.

[Good evening, Commander Voss Parck.] Korlm responded in kind, bowing low, placing his right arm against his left shoulder in a warrior's salute. [I am Korlm. Selik'orl'mawin. Perhaps you remember me from the holosim room?]

"Yes, I remember you. You're the warrior-mechanic."

The Chiss blinked. [I'm sorry, I didn't quite understand … You asked if I am a mechanic?]

[I, ah, yes.] Parck smiled nervously. After Daifi had laughed at his Cheunh, he was reluctant to speak the language for the fear he would make a fool of himself in front of the Chiss.

[I am a mechanic.] Korlm confirmed enthusiastically. [Is there anything which needs repair?]

[Ummm... No?] Parck said in confusion. What was going on? Did Stent send him? [Did Stent play the fiddle?]

The Chiss's brow furrowed in a frown. [I don't think you meant to ask if Commander Kres'ten'tarthi could play the fiddle.]

"What!" Parck exclaimed in horror. Corulag moons, this was so embarrassing. "No, I…" He babbled in Basic. "I meant to say: Did Stent send you?"

The frown deepened.

"Ummm… Did. Stent. Send. You?" Parck said very slowly, paying attention to each Basic word. "Stent. Send. You. Repair."

[No.] Korlm shook his head. [Commander Kres'ten'tarthi did not send me to conduct repairs. I've come on my own.]

This was going nowhere. "Why. Come. Here?" Parck pointed at the door of his cabin.

The Chiss grew completely silent. Just as Parck was about to try again in even simpler terms, Korlm shifted on his feet nervously. [I've come to seek counsel on a topic of personal nature.]

"Oh."

[May I come in?]

Parck grimaced. "I'm really sorry, warrior, but I don't think this is going to work. I can understand Cheunh but I can't speak it and you don't know Basic. Perhaps we should call Commander Stent or Sub-Commander Daifi for help?"

From the frown on the Chiss's face, it was apparent Korlm didn't understand at first but got the message when he heard the names of his commanding officers.

[No!] Korlm jerked in shock. [Commander Kres'ten'tarthi and Sub-Commander Prard'aif'ineiro cannot know! Please, sir, promise me that you won't tell them!]

"Calm down, warrior." Parck soothed him. Who would have ever thought that the Chiss could freak out just like humans… "Calm. Down. Peace. No Stent. No Daifi. Promise."

Finally the warrior regained his composure. [I apologize for my behavior. My problem is delicate and at this point it cannot be discussed with my superiors.]

"I'm flattered that you find me trustworthy enough." Parck smiled fondly. Unfortunately, the message didn't get through. "Flattered. Trust... Never mind. Why. Me?"

[I didn't know who else to ask. Lieutenant Lai Gernzy can speak some Cheunh but not enough to understand me. As you've probably guessed, my problem concerns Chiss-human relations.]

"Yes, I've gathered as much." Parck murmured as he unlocked the door with his rank cylinder. Why else would the Chiss seek a human's help? "You may enter."

Parck told the Chiss to take the armchair and make himself comfortable but it seemed that Korlm understood only the former half of the sentence; he sat down, his back ramrod straight, looking as if he expected Stent and Daifi to barge in at any moment. Or Grand Admiral Thrawn. If he didn't want to involve Stent and Daifi, he definitely didn't want Syndic Mitthraw'nuruodo to know either.

Parck saw down opposite to the Chiss. What was this all about? Bullying seemed like the most likely scenario. To Parck's surprise, however, Korlm took out a personal datapad and showed him a picture of a ripe Corellian pineapple. [Do you know what this is?]

"Of course." Parck stared at the screen with bewilderment. "That's a pineapple."

"Pineapple." The Chiss repeated with a thick accent. [And what is the cultural significance of this pine apple?]

"What do you mean by cultural significance? It's fruit."

[I meant what is the cultural significance of accepting this fruit as a gift.]

"I beg your pardon? I don't think I follow." Parck admitted, feeling completely lost. The Chiss came to seek Parck's advice because he had been given a Corellian pineapple?

Korlm let out a small sigh. [I'm sorry, Commander Voss Parck, I couldn't understand a word you just said.]

"That makes two of us." Parck muttered under his breath. How in the universe was he supposed to communicate with a Chiss who couldn't understand Basic?

Then suddenly an idea occurred to him. He closed the photo and opened text editor, phonetically writing down a Cheunh sentence in Aurabesh. Unfortunately, Parck's knowledge of ideograms was as bad as his Cheunh pronunciation.

CAN YOU READ THIS?

Korlm happily moved his head up and down. [Yes. It looks strange but I can understand.]

Parck loudly sighed in relief. GOOD. NOW PLEASE EXPLAIN THE STORY BEHIND THE PINEAPPLE. I AM LOST.

The Chiss seemed uneasy. [Once again, I must ask your confidentiality in this matter.]

Parck snorted. YOU HAVE MY WORD AS A WARRIOR THAT THE STORY GOES NO FURTHER.

[Thank you, Commander Voss Parck. I'm forever in your debt.] Korlm said with a sincere humility in his voice. [I've been approached by a human female who expressed interest in me and I … reciprocated. The second time we engaged in recreation, she presented me with a gift. A dessert of sorts, which I ate because it made her happy. And yesterday she brought this. What does it mean?]

WHAT DO YOU THINK IT MEANS?

Parck suppressed a chuckle. He didn't know what sort of recreation they could possibly engage in aboard a star destroyer but it was clear that the woman had a crush on the Chiss warrior. 'Love goes through the stomach', went an old Corellian saying.

Korlm's shoulders sagged. [My roommate suggested it might have been a marriage proposal and I am inclined to agree. She'd been invoking deities during our mating sessions.]

"Kriff." Parck groaned, cupping his face in his hands. Now he finally understood the reason why the Chiss had been freaking out… No wonder he didn't want his commanding officers to know.

Korlm blinked. [You know my roommate?]

"What?"

[Kriff. Selik'rif'feromu. My roommate.]

"Oh." Parck felt his jaw drop. Corulag moons, his roommate's core name was Kriff? "Ehm, no, I don't know your roommate. Anyway, you didn't marry the human woman, warrior. It wasn't a proposal."

In just case, Parck typed it into the datapad.

YOU DIDN'T MARRY THE HUMAN FEMALE. SHE INVOKED DEITIES BECAUSE SHE WAS ENJOYING HERSELF VERY MUCH. IT'S NORMAL AMONG HUMANS.

The Chiss warrior literally jumped from his seat in excitement, the glowing eyes shining brightly like two stars.

[Thank you for clarification, Commander Voss Parck, I'm forever in your debt!] Korlm cried out in relief, swinging his arm in an unfamiliar gesture. Then he realized that his behavior was probably highly inappropriate by Chiss standards. [I apologize for my emotional outburst.]

Parck chuckled. IT'S ALRIGHT.

Korlm sagged down back into the chair. [This is so embarrassing. Kriff will hold it over my head for years.]

Parck smiled mischievously. NOT IF YOU EXPLAIN WHAT HIS NAME MEANS IN BASIC.

[What does it mean?]

[Ktah.] Parck uttered, recalling the Cheunh insult Stent and Daifi had both uttered at the same time Parck had said the basic expletive.

[Ktah?] This was the second time Parck had seen a Chiss burst in laughter. [It really means to sneeze without covering one's nose? This is perfect revenge. I'll be sure to tell him.]

[What?] Parck exclaimed in shock. It meant to sneeze without covering one's nose?!

The Chiss abruptly stopped laughing. [What else did you think it meant? It's the interjection for the sound which one makes when sneezing. Ktah.] Korlm demonstrated.

[Oh…] Parck cupped his face in his hands, feeling like a kriffing idiot. At least Daifi wasn't around to laugh at his Cheunh. [Mate… I thought it meant to mate.]

[To mate? That's an insult among humans?] Korlm asked, his voice full of disbelief.

[Yes.] Parck admitted.

[On one hand, you invoke deities during recreation, on the other hand you use the word 'mate' as an expletive. You humans are so puzzling.]

"The feeling is mutual." Parck murmured as he reached out for the datapad. HOW IS SNEEZING EVEN SUPPOSED TO BE AN INSULT?!

The Chiss laughed again. [Sneezing without covering one's nose is considered extremely rude and unhygienic.]

[I see.] Parck said finally. DO I ASSUME CORRECTLY THAT THE WORD RECREATION REFERS TO MATING WITHOUT OBLIGATIONS? Clearly it didn't translate back into an activity done for enjoyment when one was not working. Perhaps he should update the word's definition in the Cheunh language databank.

[Naturally. What else did you think?]

THE END

And one more review bonus:

setting: during the reception

Colonel Vermel gasped in shock when he realized that Colonel Meiral and the male Chiss were not only married, but they were married with children. Human-alien hybrid children, in fact. The information was delivered so casually that it took Vermel completely by surprise for it was something that no Imperial officer would ever admit to aloud.

There was a dangerous flash in the woman's deep blue eyes. Perfect. As if it wasn't enough that the male Chiss had been throwing proverbial daggers at him the entire evening, presumably in an open display of jealousy...

Vermel tried to mask his transgression with a cough. It was probably for the best his diplomatic mission to the New Republic ended before it even begun, otherwise he'd have committed a faux pas that would have undermined all Pellaeon's efforts.

"What are their names?" Vermel tied to salvage the situation somehow. "Do your children have human names or Chiss names?"

"Both," Chief Engineer Korlm replied in a tone cold as ice. "Chiss and human naming conventions are incompatible, therefore decided for both."

"Oh. How do they look like?" Vermel wondered. "Do you carry their holos with you?"

"I do." Colonel Meiral replied fondly, her face brightening up with a smile.

Vermel internally sighed in relief. He managed to dodge not just one but two blaster bolts (charric bolts to be exact).