Chapter twenty-seven:
DONNA
When I wake up to my alarm, Jackie's gone.
I sigh, I just hope she talks to me. I am so fucking worried about her, and last night's episode didn't exactly soothe me, y'know?
I get up and I hear the sounds of the shower running, I glance at the living room and I see Eric there, sitting on the couch with a bowl of cereal in his hands.
"If you spill milk on this couch, Jackie is going to murder you, depressed or not" I say "She made me throw away the old couch just because she saw us having sex on it, remember?"
"God, that sounds like so long ago" He answered me with a small smile "And don't worry, years of living in the same house as Red made me careful"
I raise an eyebrow at him and he sighs dejectly.
"Fine" He goes to the kitchen and comes back without his cereal bowl, I feel his arms wrapping around me and I lean further into his embrace. I missed having those bony arms around me while I slept tonight.
"Y'know, I finally get why Hyde was so upset when Jackie took out the decorations from his room" Eric says "I never slept so good in my life before, Donna. Seriously, we gotta get those goose duvet thingys, it's like sleeping on a cloud"
I chuckle "You're up early"
"Jackie accidentally woke me up a few minutes ago" He replies nonchalantly "She was actually nice, I thought I was dreaming for a few seconds. I woke up with the noise of her going through her closet, and she apologized and said I could keep sleeping there if I wanted to, it was freaky. Nice Jackie is freaky"
"I know" I say sadly "Why didn't you keep sleeping though?"
He shrugged "Didn't want to invade Jackie's privacy, and I missed my lady"
I smile and kiss him on the cheek "Aren't you cute?"
"I am not cute" He says with a stern tone "I am adorable"
I laugh and press my lips against his, God, I don't know how I would be right now if it wasn't for Eric.
Then we hear the bathroom door opening and Jackie quickly left to her room. I sigh. There's something I need to do, and I'm not going to lie, I'm not looking forward to it.
"What is it?" Eric asks me tenderly
"I need to call Hyde" I reply, and Eric nods "He needs to know about what happened last night"
"Want me to call him for you?" Eric gently offered, and I smile at him
"No, I have to do this" I answer "Hyde asked me to take care of her and call if something happens. God, he's not going to be happy, is he?'
"No" Eric answers me honestly "But he'll understand in the end"
.
"I sure hope so" I say, taking the notepad with the phone numbers of everyone we know and searching for Grooves number, Hyde's probably there right now. "Go eat your cereal before it gets soggy, I'll join you in a sec"
Eric kisses me in the forehead and leaves to the kitchen, and I take a deep breath before dialing Grooves number, this is not going to be easy.
The phone's ringing, and I hear a non familiar voice on the other side of the line.
"Grooves records" The guy says, he's probably one of Hyde's employees
"Hey, is Hyde there?" I ask
"Yeah, he's in his office, I'll get him" The guy says, and in just a few seconds I hear Hyde's gruff voice.
"Hello?"
"Hyde, it's me"
"Hey Donna man, everything alright?" Hyde ask, his usual carefree tone being replaced by concern
"Well… No" I answer bluntly "Something happened last night"
"Donna" Hyde's voice dropped, and if I close my eyes, I can see his fists tightening and his jaw clenching "What happened to my girlfriend?"
"She had another episode last night" I say
"WHAT?!" I hear him yelling and I already know I'm about to hear an earful
"I woke up with the door slamming and I went to check on her" I narrate last night's events calmly, because I know Hyde is probably losing his shit "I've found her puking her guts off in the bathroom, I think it was emotional, probably a nightmare or something. Anyways, Eric and I tried talking to her, but she couldn't stop crying and she was having a lot of trouble breathing, and…"
"A panic attack" Hyde murmured "She had a panic attack, fuck, I was reading about this crap yesterday, man! I shouldn't have left her alone"
"It's not your fault, Hyde…"
"What happened next, did you take her to the hospital?" He interrupted me
"No, Eric managed to help her control her breathing again after a while. It was hard, but he did it. Then we gave her a couple pills and she slept through the rest of the night" I finish
"Why the fuck you didn't call me?!" I hear Hyde's exasperated voice and I sigh
"Hyde, it was the middle of the night and it was raining! It was too dangerous for you to drive!" I reply
"I don't care, man! If Jackie breaks a nail, I want to know right away, alright?" He says "You should've called me"
"So Jackie can have a dead boyfriend?" I deadpan "It was too dangerous and you know that, Hyde. Don't make things more difficult"
"Fuck" He mutters "Fine, you're right. How's she now?"
"She woke up, took a shower and went to her room" I answer
"I'll be there as soon as I can" Hyde says "I still have to talk to the fucking cops, and check on the paperwork one more time, it'll take a few hours but I'll be there"
"Good, she needs you" I say "Be careful on the road"
"Will be" He says "Thanks, Donna"
Before I could say another thing, he hung up.
Well, this was better than I thought it would be, I certainly expected a ton of yelling, and he didn't yell much. Although I kind of wish he did, just by hearing his voice I could tell how tired and worried he is, and it's heartbreaking.
This entire situation sucks, I just want to see all my friends happy again.
I decide to check on Jackie before going to meet Eric in the kitchen, so I knock on her bedroom door, and when I open it, I'm shocked at what I see.
Jackie's perfectly dressed, she still looks tired, but she's wearing her usual work attire.
"Jackie, where are you going?" I ask
"Work" She answers me, her voice still hoarse from all the crying from last night
"You should call in sick" I suggest "You need to rest"
"Look, can we just…" Jackie starts "Forget about last night? It's over, I'm okay now"
"What?!" I say incredulously "No, Jackie, I'm not just going to 'forget it'! You can't ignore what happened last night and neither can I!"
"I need to go to work…" She mutters, grabbing her purse, but I stay in front of the door in an attempt to block her only exit
"We need to talk, Jackie" I say seriously
"About what, Donna?! I know what happened last night, but it's over now, I'm fine and I need to go to work" She says
"Jackie…"
"Donna, I know you probably think I'm crazy, but I really don't want to talk about it" She says, her eyes tearing up
"I never said you're crazy!" I reply "C'mon Jackie, just stay home for today. Hyde will be here in a few hours and Eric can spend the day helping you"
"I'm not an invalid, Donna!" Jackie says sadly "I don't need help"
"Yes you do Jackie" I answer sadly "You're not okay"
"Donna, let me go to work" She pleads with me "I really don't want to talk about what happened, please"
"Jackie… Hyde's coming home this afternoon" I repeat, praying that the mention of Hyde's name will knock some sense into her mind
"Good, can you ask Steven to pick me up? I don't want to drive" She says "I promise you that if I need anything I'll call"
"Jackie…" I try again, but she takes her purse and gives me a sad smile
"I'll be late" She says, I sigh and move over so she can pass through the doorway "Thank you Donna, for everything"
I smile back at her "I love you midget, you need to take care of yourself, okay? You can trust me"
"I know" Jackie replies softly, looking me in the eye for the first time in weeks "And… Just because I'm not ready to talk, doesn't mean I'm not grateful, okay? I really am, and I love you all for being here for me"
"We love you too" I say, pulling her into a hug "I'll be here for you whenever you're ready, okay?"
"Okay" Jackie replies, and I can see her eyes watering a little "I'll go now, thank you"
I watch as she leaves the apartment, with tears on my eyes. She's barely hanging on, I don't know how I can make things better for her, and I really wish I did.
Because that's not Jackie, and I want my midget friend back.
JACKIE
I hear the small bell signaling that the shift is over and I breathe relieved. Work has been so exhausting lately, I honestly don't know how much longer I'll be able to come.
I wanted to call in sick today, I really did, but I didn't want to talk about what happened to Donna and Eric, last night was extremely embarrassing, and I knew that if I stayed at home today they'd try to make me talk.
What the hell was I supposed to say?
'Hey Donna, Hey Eric! So, I had a nightmare last night that was so bad that it literally made me sick, then I completely freaked out because I wanted a hug from my boyfriend and he wasn't there, and I felt like I was dying, I couldn't breathe or speak, and I must have scared you two to death. Oopsie, sorry about that, but I'm all good now, thanks!'
Yeah, that is not happening.
I know what happened last night, I've felt this way before, on the day of daddy's funeral. The only difference is that at least then I could walk, hell, I destroyed my entire room, but yesterday… Yesterday I could barely move, I don't even know how I managed to get into the bathroom in one piece.
I don't remember much, all I can remember is that I felt like I was having a heart attack and I was crying so hysterically that I couldn't breathe or see a thing. I remember Eric and Donna desperately trying to calm me down, and I remember wanting Steven. That's it.
"Hey, Jackie?" I hear someone calling me, I turn around and I see Annie, one of my co-workers, looking strangely at me.
"Hey Annie, what's up?" I ask, trying to replicate the usual cheerful attitude I had at work before my dad died. I've been doing that since after his funeral, putting on a mask at work, trying to pretend like I'm not literally dying inside, but I don't think people are buying it anymore.
"Mrs. Taylor wants to speak with you in her office" She deadpans, and I feel the color draining from my face for a few seconds.
Great. Daddy died, all my friends and my boyfriend are feeling like trash because of me, and now I'm about to lose my job.
If there's a God, I don't think he likes me very much.
I walk slowly to Mrs. Taylor's office, I know I should be sadder and scared, but honestly, now that I'm thinking about it, I just want to get this over with.
A couple months ago, the idea of losing my job would be enough to terrify me, I really liked my job.
It pains me to say liked instead of like, but I can't lie to myself. I don't really like anything anymore, the things that used to make me happy just… they aren't enough anymore. Nothing is.
I knock on the door and I hear Mrs. Taylor asking me to come in. I walk inside and she gestures for me to sit on one of the chairs, so I do.
"Am I fired?" I blurt out. I'm pretty sure that I'm losing my job right now and honestly, I just hope it's quick because I'm already exhausted and I want to go to bed.
"No Jackie, you are not losing your job" Mrs. Taylor said with a sad smile, and I don't think I'm able to hide how surprised I am.
I don't really know what to say. Fortunately, I'm not the one who breaks the silence.
"Jackie, I've noticed that you haven't been the same since what happened to your father" She says, and my eyes fill with tears. The mere mention of my dad is enough to make me cry until I have no tears left. "I know it's stupid to ask, but are you okay? Answer me honestly, please"
"No, I'm not okay" I say, not looking her in the eye.
"I figured" Mrs. Taylor says sadly "It's only been a month and a half, I would be surprised if you were"
I don't reply to that. I don't know what to say. Again.
"Jackie, one of the reasons why I hired you was your perky energy" She continues and I prepare myself for the worst, she said she wasn't going to fire me, but it sure sounds like she's going to "And it's obvious that you don't have this energy anymore"
"I'm sorry" I say, because I really am. I wish I wasn't such a mess.
"You don't have anything to be sorry for" My boss says with a kind smile. She sighs and takes one of the pictures on her desk, showing it to me.
It's a picture of a small girl, she looked like she was three or four on the picture, and she had a very big bright smile on her face.
"That's my daughter, Lucy" She says with a very sad smile "She passed away 10 years ago"
I look at the picture again. That girl looked so sweet, so happy. How could something that awful happen with such an innocent child? I feel my eyes tearing up again, and I really try to control myself.
Life is so unfair.
"I'm so sorry Mrs. Taylor" I say honestly "She was beautiful"
"She really was" She says, glancing at the picture one last time before looking at me again "When she died, I thought I was going to die with her. I wanted to die with her. My husband, Tony, he was a wreck too, but he did everything he could to try and help me. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat, it was killing me, being without my daughter was killing me"
"I couldn't do anything for a year. I've lost my job, I've lost many friends, the only person who never left my side was my husband, and I thank God for him every single day" She says "Things get better, after a while. I know it sounds impossible right now, but they really do, we just need time and a great support system. You have a support system, right?"
I nod.
"I could see it at your father's funeral" She continues "You have great friends, and it looks like your boyfriend loves you a lot. I've noticed how he picks you up at work often, how he looks at you."
"Steven is everything" I say honestly, because he is. He's the one who's been keeping me together, he's been there for me since the beginning, and I can see how exhausted he is.
"Jackie, I need you to answer this next question very honestly" Mrs. Taylor says, and I nod "Do you like coming to work every day?"
I take a deep breath. Mrs. Taylor is being so nice, I wish I could tell her that I do, that I love working, but I really don't, not anymore, and she asked me for honesty.
"No" I answer "I used to, I really did, but now… I almost cry when I hear my alarm clock every morning. And I get so tired, I don't have the energy to do anything anymore"
She nods in understanding "Jackie, I want you to take a few months off" She says, and I look at her with a confused expression "Three months, to be more specific. Unfortunately, it's not a paid leave, but you're still going to have a job waiting for you when you get back. I want you to use this time to try and get better, to rest"
"I'll still have a job waiting for me when I get back?" I ask, and she nods again. I wipe away a couple tears that escaped my eyes "Thank you so much, Mrs. Taylor"
"I've been there before, Jackie" She says "It's a tough fight, but it gets better. I just need you to promise me that you're going to use this time to try and get better, okay?"
I don't know how exactly I'm going to do that, but I nodded anyway. Right now, I'm just extremely relieved that I don't have to worry about work for a while. God knows how hard it's been to leave my bed and come here almost every single day. It completely drains my energies.
I said my goodbyes to Mrs. Taylor and I let more tears escape my eyes. I don't even know why I'm crying, is it sadness? Relief? Fatigue? I honestly can't tell.
As I step outside the giant building, I spot a black El Camino on the street, and I wipe my face before going towards it. Steven is smoking a cigarette and leaning into his car, he gives me a small smile when he sees me and I throw myself on his arms before he could even put out his "cancer stick". My eyes fill with tears again when I feel him hugging me back just as tight as I'm hugging him.
For the first time in 24 hours, I feel some weight getting lifted off my shoulders. I'm home.
A/N: I know, some people might say that what Jackie's boss did was completely unrealistic, and I totally understand that, but I love Jackie and I want her to get better the same as you guys, so I cut her a little slack.
Mrs. Taylor is based on a very important person in my life, that person was one of my teachers in high school, and she was the only person in the entire school who constantly asked how I was doing and seemed genuinely worried about me when I was having a really rough time. She probably doesn't even remember me by now, since it's been so long, but I'll never forget how much she helped me.
And by the way, I know it's cute and all, but this dependency Jackie has on Hyde is not healthy. Don't get me wrong, he's fundamental for her healing, and Donna was right when she said that he's the one keeping Jackie from doing something stupid, but Jackie can't stay glued by his side 24 hours per day, no matter how much she wants to. She needs to learn how to be by herself, she can't keep falling apart completely every time she spends some time away from him. It's not healthy for either of them, and we're going to deal with that later.
Anyways, let me know what you thought about this chapter and your thoughts about this story, if you think I'm missing something please let me know. And also, if you're triggered by anything in this, pretty please stop reading it.
Next chapter is not going to be a big one, but we'll get to see what Hyde's thinking and how he's going to deal with everything that happened.
Oh, and don't forget to check out my tumblr (zeppelin hyphen and hyphen unicorns)! I tend to post progress updates, and if you have a question about any of my stories, feel free to send it and I'll gladly answer it.
See you next week, thank you for reading!