Jennie

I think I'd lost her.

But suddenly her arm twitched and she groaned. My heart jumped in my chest as my eyes widened in shock, she wasn't dead? I swallowed the sob that was trying to break free and shoved myself away from the wall, but the cop just pushed me back pinning me there. What the hell is he doing?

"Let me go! She's hurt; I need to go to her!" I screamed, thrashing against him, trying to get myself out of the little cage he seemed to have made against the wall.

He shook his head, "Just wait until he has the cuffs on," he ordered sternly.

Cuffs, what the hell? I wasn't waiting for GD to have the cuffs on; I needed to go to Lisa! She groaned again and I felt hope bubbling up inside, please please please let her be ok, please I'll do anything, anything in the world, please.

"Get off me! Let me go!" I screamed as I tried to duck under his arm.

He easily restrained me, he was so freaking strong but if he didn't let me go I was going to knee him where the sun didn't shine, there was no way he was keeping me away from Lisa. He looked over his shoulder and I flicked my eyes in the direction of GD. The two cops were still trying to restrain him as he shouted that it wasn't his fault, that Lisa deserved it, that she had broken in here and attacked him and she was acting in self-defense. I heard the snap of cuffs and they yanked him to his feet shoving his face first into the wall, making him hiss in pain.

"He's secure," one of the cops shouted. He moved GD slightly and I saw a streak of blood on the wall near his leg. Was that his blood? Had they shot him? I thought those were Taser guns that they were holding, not real ones. If they had guns why could they have not shot him before he stabbed Lisa? They could have stopped him before he hurt Lisa!

I looked back at the guy holding me, glaring angrily. "Now you can let me go! I need to see Lisa!" I cried desperately.

He nodded and let go of me, for a second I swayed on my feet and I wasn't even sure I could stand on my own. He grabbed my arm to steady me but all I could think about was Lisa. I threw off his hold and ran across the room, almost falling down at her side. She was gasping, sucking in small little ragged breaths. Her eyes were squeezed shut; there was blood all over her shirt, soaking into the white material making her look like something out of a horror movie.

I bent my face down to hers, brushing her hair back as I thought desperately of what I should do. Should I apply pressure or would that make it worse? Should I roll her onto her back or would that make it even harder for her to breathe?

"Lisa? Baby, can you hear me? I'm here; you're going to be ok. Oh God please be ok," I whispered as I brushed her hair off of her forehead.

She groaned and I saw her eyes flicker, it seemed like she was trying to open them. I could feel the grief and horror of the situation washing over me but I refused to let it. I needed to be strong for her, she needed me and I wasn't going to succumb to the sadness, at least not in front of her. She needed to believe everything was going to be fine even though the dark stain on her shirt was getting bigger and bigger by the second as she lost more blood. I looked up at the cops; two of them were leading a limping GD out of the room, practically dragging him along as he carried on screaming that he'd done nothing wrong.

Anger was burning inside me making my stomach shake and I could almost taste the hatred in my mouth. I wanted to grab the knife that was in the middle of the kitchen and cut him into little pieces, but I needed to stay with Lisa, I couldn't leave her, the police would lock GD up and throw away the key for this. All of the sympathy and pity that I had built up for him since I arrived at his house was gone now; all I was left with was raw hatred.

I looked back at the cop who had been holding me; he was talking quickly into his walkie talkie as he made his way over to where Lisa and I were on the floor. "Please help her," I begged as I squeezed Lisa's hand.

The cop nodded, "We will, the ambulance is on its way." he said as he gripped Lisa's shirt and lifted it. I winced, unsure as to whether I could look and see the wound on her body, but I just couldn't keep my eyes in check. They wandered down there of their own accord and what I saw made my heart break even more. I swallowed loudly and forced my face to remain emotionless, I couldn't break down, I needed to be strong. There was a deep, ragged gash on the middle of her lower back, just above the waistband of her jeans. Blood was flowing freely from it, and was pooling in the curve of her back.

"Get me a cloth or something," the cop ordered, nodding his head towards the kitchen cupboards.

I dragged my eyes away from the most horrifying and heartbreaking thing I had ever seen in my life, I pushed myself off of the floor, running over and pulling open every single drawer until I found the ones with the towels in. I grabbed a handful of them and ran back to Lisa as fast as I could. The cop was looking at Lisa's side now; he took the towels and pressed one against the wound on her back as she clenched her jaw looking slightly worried. I looked at him pleadingly; please don't let Lisa die, please!

I looked back at Lisa as her breathing became even shallower and more ragged. Her face was relaxed, like she was sleeping, peaceful and perfect, apart from the slight red tinge to her jaw from fighting with GD. I kissed her nose lightly, "I love you baby, you'll be fine I promise. Tomorrow I'm going to make you chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast, I'll even burn them slightly just the way you like," I whispered, smiling sadly as I squeezed her hand again.

I could hear the cop talking to one of the others, something about a punctured lung and how he needed a chest tube quickly before he went into cardiac arrest, he sounded slightly panicked as he asked how long the ambulance was going to be. The other guy was helping him work on Lisa but I couldn't take my eyes off of her peaceful face. I traced my finger along the bridge of her nose, the curve to her lip, her cheekbone.

After what felt like just a few seconds someone grabbed me and pulled me away from Lisa. I gripped her hand tighter as I thrashed trying to get back to her, I didn't want to leave her side, not for a single second incase she woke up.

"Ma'am, the medics are here, you need to move and let them do their job." Someone said sternly in my ear.

I looked around and noticed that there was indeed two new guys in blue uniforms. They immediately started fussing over Lisa, I tried to block out what they were saying, I didn't want to hear that because it would make me lose the slight control I had over myself. I just focused on Lisa's face as they cut her shirt off of her, prodding at her body, I whimpered when I saw one of them grab a scalpel and a little piece of tubing, heading towards Lisa's already bloody chest with it.

After the longest most painful time of my life, they finally agreed that she could be moved. Apparently the tube that they had inserted had worked and was helping her breathe, her heart rate was strong. One of them said the most beautiful word I had ever heard in my life, the best word that had ever been invented in the history of the world: stable.

I felt my body relax, I laughed quietly to myself and looked at the ceiling repeating the words thank you over and over in my head. But the medics still looked really worried, an intense concentration on their faces as they discussed how best to move her without causing any more damage. One of them ran off and came back with a spinal board and neck brace. I frowned, not really understanding what was going on. They'd said she was stable, so why would they still be looking so tense about it?

The cop that was holding me turned me around to face him, "Ma'am, is there someone I should call? Her parents? Yours?" he asked looking at me sympathetically. I looked back over my shoulder as they rolled Lisa onto the yellow board strapping her in with little black straps. Why were they being so careful? "Ma'am?" I felt pressure on my arm and I looked back at the cop, he seemed to be waiting for me to answer something.

"Is she going to be ok? They said she was stable, that means that she's ok, right?" I whispered.

He smiled sadly, "They're doing everything they can, they'll know more once she gets to the hospital. But if you could just tell me if there is someone I should call…." He trailed off looking at me expectantly.

I guess Lisa's parents should be told; I smiled at him gratefully and reached into my pocket pulling out my cell phone. I was barely holding on to my sanity and if I had to tell them what happened I think I would lose it and I couldn't do that. I held the phone out to him, "Lisa's parents cell phones are in there under Linda and Richard. My parents are in there under mom and Brian." I muttered looking back to the medics as they put the last couple of straps on Lisa's lifeless body.

"Ok, I'll call them and tell them what happened and tell them to come to the hospital and meet you. Are you going in the ambulance or do you need a ride?" he asked watching as they lifted the stretcher off of the floor.

I quickly stepped forward keeping pace with them, not wanting Lisa out of my sight for a second. "Can I come with you?" I begged the medic.

He smiled and nodded, "Sure Ma'am."

I trailed along next to Lisa, sitting in the little seat opposite her in the ambulance, trying to stay out of the way while the medic inserted needles into the back of her hand, attaching some clear fluid to the IV. I just sat there emotionless, I didn't know what to do, what to think, what to say, so I did nothing. I thought nothing. I just refused to acknowledge how bad this situation was, refused to acknowledge how the medic's forehead was creased and how his movements were a little tense. Lisa would be fine; she wouldn't leave me on my own.

When we got to the hospital, Lisa was rushed in with about five people all fussing over her as they sped her through the hallways and into one of the emergency rooms. I pushed the door open wanting to go in with her, but a nurse put her arm around my shoulder smiling sympathetically at me. I wanted to scream at her to stop smiling like that, everyone was being so sad and worried, so sympathetic and apologetic, it was scary. I didn't want to think about what could happen, all I would let myself think was that Lisa would be fine and tomorrow I would apologize over and over for this happening, and she would kiss my nose and tell me that it wasn't my fault and that she loved me. That was all I would let myself think about for now because the thoughts I had at the back of my brain were actually too horrifying to acknowledge.

"If you could just wait outside while the doctors are looking at her. Someone will be out to talk to you as soon as possible, ok?" she smiled and guided me over to a row of plastic chairs off to one side.

I nodded weakly and sat down, trying to keep my breathing steady and my heart at a normal pace. Everything was fine; I just needed to keep control of myself because behaving like a panicked stupid child wouldn't help anyone in this situation, especially not Lisa.

I couldn't sit still, so I stood up and started pacing the hallway. I looked at each one of the paintings in turn as I walked past, thinking of anything else other than how long it was taking for them to come out and speak to me. Wasn't the saying, 'no news is good news', wasn't that how it went? So surely it was good that no one had come out yet, I nodded to myself and chewed on my lip. After a couple of minutes the cop from the house turned up and smiled at me sympathetically as he sat down on the chair I had just vacated. He didn't say anything, just sat there watching me cautiously.

I turned to look at him. "She's fine, they're just being cautious, she's fine," I told him sternly. I gulped at how my voice sounded, so thick and husky that it didn't even sound like mine.

He smiled weakly and nodded, "I'm sure she is Ma'am,"

I nodded in confirmation and switched to chewing on my nails instead of my lip, as I just continued to pace the hallway. My heart was crashing so loud in my chest that it was almost deafening, my stomach twisting, my whole body felt cold, but I put on a smile anyway. I just needed to think positive, if I willed everything to be fine then it would be, and then Lisa and I could just go home and have the weekend we had been planning. The lazy weekend where we did nothing but make out and watch TV, the perfect weekend with the perfect wife

I heard someone crying and I looked up to see Linda and Richard running down the hallway towards me. I smiled reassuringly, but kept my eyes firmly on Richard, Linda had completely lost it and I refused to let her drag me down with her.

"What happened? They said Lisa had been stabbed?" Richard asked breathlessly as he gripped my shoulders a little too tight for comfort.

I gulped and nodded, "She did. She's in there now with the doctors, but she'll be fine,"

Linda looked at me, her eyes pink and bloodshot. "They said that? Have they been out to speak to you?" she sniffed.

I shook my head, "No they haven't, but it's Lisa, she'll be fine. You know her, she's strong, she wouldn't let something like this hurt her. She wouldn't," I stated, my voice sounded surprisingly calm and assured and Linda smiled weakly in response.

I turned and resumed pacing as the cop spoke to them. He was telling them about how they had received a phone call from the principle of the school informing them about what had happened, how they had been dispatched to GD's house but they had arrived after Lisa and GD and Lisa were already fighting. When he got to the part about GD grabbing the knife I made myself walk further up the hallway so I couldn't hear it, if I heard it then I would start to picture it, and I couldn't do that and remain in control.

Ten minutes later the door to the room opened and a man in his mid-thirties walked out looking around. Linda, Richard and the cop all jumped up from where they were sitting. The doctor looked around until he saw me, I couldn't move, I was just frozen in place, my feet felt like they were stuck to the floor. He wasn't smiling, his eyes were cautious and controlled and my hands started to shake.

He ignored Linda and Richard who were looking at him expectantly; instead he walked up to me. His eyes travelled down from my face to my hand and he seemed to nod a little in confirmation.

"I notice that Lisa has a wedding ring on her finger. Are you married?" he asked, looking at me intently. I nodded still unable to speak, I couldn't even breathe properly, my heart felt like it was going to break out of my chest making me feel a little light headed. "Ok, so you're her next of kin then. I need to talk to you about her condition,"

I felt numb inside, like this was happening to someone else, I felt detached and emotionless. I had no idea what he was going to say but I knew that Lisa wasn't dead, I would know if she'd died, I would have felt it, wouldn't I? Don't they say that? That you always know when something has happened to the one you love. If Lisa had died then it would have killed me as well, wouldn't it? God wouldn't be that cruel, to leave me here without her, would she?

The doctor put his hand on my arm and I let him guide me to the chairs on the side of the hallway, my feet feeling like ten ton weights. Linda and Richard followed behind, Linda sobbing her heart out on Richard's shoulder and I couldn't help but feel lonely. I needed Lisa to be here for me like her dad was for her mom. I sat down and looked at the doctor expectantly not knowing what on earth he was going to say but the sad look on his face was telling me that this wasn't good news.

The doctor smiled grimly, "We've managed to get the bleeding under control now. The knife pierced her lung, but we've inserted a chest tube so that's helping her breathe. Her lung should be fine; we'll have to leave the tube in for a couple of weeks until it's repaired," he stated.

That's all? A chest tube for a couple of weeks? I felt my stomach start to unwind itself, as happiness started to build up inside me. She was lucky, we were lucky and I would never take a minute of her time for granted again. I would cherish every second of her from this day forward because every single one of them was precious, I'd never realized just how precious until now.

I smiled and nodded, "Can I go in and see her? Is she awake?" I asked grinning from ear to ear.

He shook his head, "She's unconscious at the moment, she's lost a lot of blood so we're trying to replace it as quick as possible. There's something else that I need to talk to you about,"

I frowned and nodded, "Ok," I whispered, the smile falling from my face.

"The knife that went into Lisa's lower back has severed her spine," he said softly.

I felt my heart sink, that couldn't be right. Severed her spine? Did that mean she was paralyzed or something? That just couldn't be right, Lisa would never let that happen, she would never allow something like that happen to her. She would rather die than not be able to walk; I knew that because that's the type of person she was. She hated to rely on people or burden them; she would hate to have a disability.

"You can fix it, right?" I whispered as Linda started to wail.

The doctor looked at me apologetically. "There's something we can try, we have a very gifted surgeon here who specialized in experimental procedures. His name is Doctor Kirk and he'd like to have a look at Lisa and see if there's something he can do to help," he said his eyes boring into mine.

I nodded and willed myself not to break down and sob, I needed to be strong now for Lisa so I couldn't let myself fall to pieces. "Ok, when can he look at her?" I asked swallowing loudly. The numbness was back now and I was grateful for it, the emptiness was easier to cope with than grief. I couldn't let the grief and horror drag me under, I wouldn't let it.

"He's already assessed her injuries and he thinks there's a chance he can limit the damage and possibly make it so that he would be able to regain the feeling in her legs. The only trouble is, the surgery is very risky, the operation is very invasive and Lisa has already sustained a lot of damage to her body. It could make it worse, or even kill her," he said sadly.

I closed my eyes and tried to pretend like he had said the K word, I couldn't even let myself think about Lisa dying, I refused to even acknowledge that. She wouldn't leave me, she was my wife and she wouldn't ever leave me on my own like that.

"But it might help her walk again?" I whispered not trusting my voice to speak properly. I opened my eyes looking at the doctor hopefully.

He nodded, "Yes, it's the only chance she has of being able to walk again. Without the surgery she'll be paralyzed from the waist down, with the surgery there's about a fifty percent chance that she would regain feeling in her legs,"

Richard shook his head, "But you said she could die," he stated, his hand tightening in Linda's hair as she sobbed louder. His whole body was tight with stress and I could see he was doing the same as me, clinging to the edge of the cliff trying not to let go and completely breakdown.

"Yes, the surgery is risky, there's around a thirty percent chance that she wouldn't make it through the operation." The doctor answered matter of factly, in the seemingly detached manner doctors always had.

Oh God please, please don't let my baby die please! "But there's a fifty-fifty chance that it'll fix her?" I asked, needing confirmation.

I knew what needed to happen, if Lisa were awake for this decision she would have already consented to this. She wouldn't want to be stuck in a wheelchair for the rest of her life and she would want to take the risk. She was strong, I had every confidence that she wouldn't leave me, she'd promised we would be together forever so there is no way she would let herself die on an operating table.

"That's right. As next of kin I need you to make the decision on her behalf because she's currently unconscious. You'll need to sign a consent form," he said looking at me intently.

I nodded quickly; Lisa would want this, there was no doubt in my mind that she would want to try everything, no matter what the risk was. "Ok, do it," I whispered.

Linda pushed herself away from Richard quickly and looked at me with pink puffy eyes as she swiped at her nose with a tissue. "What? You can't do that! Did you not hear what he said Jennie? There's a chance she won't make it through surgery!" she cried looking at me angrily.

I nodded, "I heard every word he said Linda, I'm not stupid. Lisa would want this, you know she would. If she were awake then she would sign the form herself and you know it," I said fiercely.

She shook her head, "You don't know that! Why can't you wait for her to wake up and then let her make the decision with her life? It's not for you to decide." she shouted, looking at me as if this was my fault making the guilt build up inside me again.

I gulped and looked at the doctor, could we wait for Lisa to make the decision? The doctor shook his head quickly, "The longer you wait for the operation the less chance of success. Every hour you wait the chances of it working reduce, if you leave it too long then it could be impossible to repair it. I recommend that we move quickly," he said sternly.

I nodded and looked back at Linda. That was out of the question, we couldn't wait because then there might not even be a choice to make, it might be too late by the time she woke up.

"We can't wait. Lisa would want this Linda. You know her, she wouldn't want to be stuck in a wheelchair, you know that," I said fiercely. I turned back to the doctor, he said it was my decision and I was making the choice Lisa would make herself if she could. "What form do I need to sign?" I asked looking down at the papers in his hand hopefully, the quicker I signed it the quicker they could go in there and save my wife from a life she would be miserable in.

He nodded and pulled out a yellow form holding it out to me with a pen. Linda practically screamed as she stood up and shook her head, looking at Richard desperately before turning back to me. "No! You can't do that Jennie, you can't risk it! If she doesn't go into the surgery then she'll survive. If you send her in there she might not come back out! Don't you understand that?" she cried looking at me almost hatefully, as if I was purposefully trying to hurt Lisa.

"Linda, think about what Lisa would want, not what you would want. You know Lisa would want this! Do you think I really want to sign that form knowing there's a chance that she might not come back out of there? Of course I don't but I'm thinking about Lisa right now, she would want this and you know it," I stated, reaching for the pen and form to sign.

I scribbled my name on the bottom in the next of kin box as Linda thrashed wildly in Richards arms crying hysterically. I swallowed and passed the form back to the doctor feeling my heart break. Had I just signed a death warrant for my wife? Was I sure this is what she would want? I pushed the last thought away, I was one hundred percent sure this is what my best friend and love of my life would want. I didn't doubt that decision for a second.

The selfish part of me didn't want to sign it, just in case I lost her. If she didn't go in for the surgery she would survive and I would still have Lisa by my side, a little changed, but I would still have her. The surgery was a risk and one I would rather not take but I didn't doubt my decision for a second, this is one hundred percent what Lisa would want for herself, I knew that with all of my heart.

The doctor stood up and smiled, "We'll scrub up and take her to surgery within half an hour," He turned to walk away and I glanced at Linda and Richard who were hugging each other and watching his back as he walked up the hallway.

Richard just looked like he was in shock and didn't know what to think, Linda looked murderously angry. Suddenly her face brightened and she pushed herself out of Richard's arms taking a couple of steps in the direction of the doctor.

"Wait!" she shouted making him stop and turn to look at her. She pointed at me accusingly but her eyes never left the doctors, she had a fierce determination on her face. "She can't legally sign the forms. She's underage, their marriage isn't legal, she's seventeen and they used a fake id to get married. I'll take it to a lawyer if I have to," she took a deep breath and looked at me, her eyes hard and calculating. "She can't sign that form, she's not next her of kin. I am," she stated triumphantly.