Quinn, in the forest

Carol fell asleep fast after our little incident during the night. Henry was in the tent too. I was sitting at the camp with Daryl, the fire was already out, but we could still see each other, due to the moonlight.

My thoughts wandered, to Alexandria, to Negan, but then suddenly I was in reality again.

I glanced at Daryl, that's when I realised, he seemed so weary. It was my turn to ask:

- Are you alright?

He glanced at me, nodding. I insisted.

- Are you sure? You didn't get bit or anything, right?

He looked me in the eyes.

- I'm fine. – he said, growling. I felt like there was something more to it. I wonder what happened to his hook-up woman, Carol told me about, but I didn't dare to ask. I didn't think he would answer me anyway.

I couldn't stop the memory coming back to my head, when I confessed my feelings to Daryl back then. I felt so embarrassed around him since then. I don't know what I was thinking.

We didn't talk anymore, we were sitting there silently for an hour. Daryl was like meditating or listening or I don't know what he was doing, and I was occupied by my thoughts.

He might have had a point that I should distract myself from Negan, but how? I already decided, I'm going to practice my fighting skills again, once I get back to the Kingdom. Maybe that will help with controlling my thoughts as well.

- Ya know… - started Daryl out of nowhere, I looked at him surprised. I didn't expect him to talk again. – I lost someone out here.

I was literally shocked, that he talked to me again and that he told me this. He was staring at the ground, biting his lips.

- I'm so sorry. I had no idea. You don't have to tell me anything, if you don't want to.

- I know... The dog was hers. – he nodded towards dog.

I nodded my head understandingly. Did he tell this to Carol while they were checking the traps? I bet he did. I was taken aback, that he told me.

- Do you want… to talk about it? – I asked carefully. He was staring at the ground for a minute longer.

- I dunno… I dunno what happened. She disappeared. – he said, shook his head.

- She left?

- Or someone took her. I dunno… - he looked me in the eye for a moment, then back to the ground.

I nodded. Suddenly I realised why dog keeps bringing him dead body parts. He was still looking for Rick, sure, but I think he was looking for that mysterious woman too.

I put my hand on his shoulder, unsurely, but then he put his hand on my hand, so I squeezed his shoulder a little bit. It was a small gesture, but I knew he understood. He looked me in the eye again.

- I still feel guilty about ya. – he said in his low voice. – I had no idea how much pain I caused, by sending you away...

He thought he understood my pain, but it was completely different.

- I didn't lose you, because I never… had you. – I had to force out the last words, it was so embarrassing, I looked away and let go of his shoulder. I tried to change the subject. – The one I lost is… Negan.

Daryl shook his head, disapprovingly, then he continued:

- I did that too. I caused you pain twice. I know he's an asshole… but now I understand, how you felt.

- I still feel it… I still miss him. – I said quietly.

- I miss her too…

Why did Daryl tell me all this? He must have felt so lonely and miserable, if he opened up like this to me. Or maybe he really considered me as his friend? He must have been really desperate.

- I'm sorry you had to go through this. – I told him. – But I'm glad you told me.

He nodded again and petted dog's head.

- I'm a little confused though… I thought you… you had feelings for Carol. – I said cautiously. I didn't want to push him, because he never really opened up to anyone like this, besides to Carol. He let out a sigh, he glanced back at the tent, then turned to me again. He nodded. He was adorable. I was right about him, he tried to move on, because Carol was married to Ezekiel.

- Did you talk to Carol about… her?

– Kinda.

I felt his pain.

- You don't have to talk about her, if you don't want to. But you should talk with Carol…

He shook his head again.

– She wouldn't…

Henry emerged from the tent and headed towards us. I didn't know what Daryl wanted to say, he fell silent when Henry came out. Maybe he wanted to say that Carol wouldn't understand? Or that she wouldn't want to know, because she had feelings for Daryl? Was Daryl aware how Carol felt about him? I had so many questions. I let out a slow sigh, it wasn't my business, I shouldn't get involved. Carol and Daryl will sort it out. Or not, like they didn't for years…

Henry couldn't sleep because of the adrenaline. Daryl revived the fire for him. There were some books lying around, Henry grabbed one and started to read.

- I wanted to ask, are you reading those books or using them as fire starters? – I asked Daryl, mockingly. I saw a very thin, slight, half smile. He went to his stuff and changed his shirt, because the other one was covered in mud and dead blood. A couple of years ago I would have fainted from this sight, seeing Daryl Dixon shirtless, but now it didn't have any effect on me. It was a strange feeling. I quickly glanced back at the fire, but Henry noticed me watching Daryl, and started to smile widely.

- Hey. – I said, but I was smiling too. Henry continued reading. Daryl gave Henry something to apply on his ankle, then told us that dog lets him know if there are walkers in the traps. I felt like I shouldn't be there, I didn't want to interrupt this "father and son" bonding, so I got up and walked away.

- Where are ya goin'? – Daryl asked immediately.

- Going to pee? – I told him, but I saw in his eyes he wasn't convinced. I went into the woods, but I wasn't going to pee. I just wanted to take a breath. There weren't any noises that would indicate walkers nearby.

I looked up, to see the moon. I know it's cliché, but I just thought, maybe Negan is watching the moon too, right now. I closed my eyes. I could see him grabbing my hands, when I had the panic attack on that stormy night. I could hear his voice inside my head. "Look at me! Everything's gonna be alright."

I felt his chest, when he hugged me tight. I folded my arms in front of me.

Random images like that suddenly rushed into my head sometimes. I stopped and looked up at the sky again, to see the stars. I wish I could see Negan again. Just for a minute.

I let out a sigh. I got my thoughts back to reality.

I should head back before Daryl comes looking for me.

I've never imagined he would tell me something so personal. It felt like I was splashed with a bucket of ice-cold water. I was surprised pretty much, but when I saw the pain in his eyes, I forgot about everything I thought about him. It was so confusing. I didn't forget that he made Carol cry and he ruined my relationship with Negan, though, but I felt like he became important to me again. Not romantically, but I didn't want to see him down like this. Especially when I knew exactly how he was feeling. I wanted to be his friend. He couldn't count on Carol as a friend anymore, since they felt more for each other and it all became complicated because of Ezekiel and that mysterious woman. Maybe Daryl wanted to be my friend too. We've been through so many things together since the prison fell. I should get over what happened, the incident of me having a crush on him. It is in the past, so it should remain in the past. I had to be there for Daryl. He was desperately in need of a friend. I wanted to be there for him. After all, he saved my life.

(Author's notes: Listen to "I'm here for you" by Lady Bri. Thank You for reading! ❤)