The first thing she noticed was that her wrists were restrained to the bed. This was new. Usually Gyoku's men returned her to the room. She supposed she had lost that right after her failed escape. She made a pathetic attempt at trying to break free of them before giving up. Her body ached with fatigue and she had never felt so weak and defeated before. Even if she could escape, it wouldn't matter. She wouldn't get very far before someone noticed. Although being killed for a failed escape had to be better than whatever awaited her.

Dread wrapped around her heart, anchoring it in the ocean of despair. It threatened to drown her. Kotori was terrified of what was going to happen to her now.

"I'm going to let you out, but I need to ask you a few questions first."

Her head whipped to the doorway and a man that looked like Satoshi stood there. For the first time, Kotori realized her surroundings looked like a hospital room. Genjutsu?

Fear trickled down her back. Would they use her friends to break her next? Convince her she was safe and then hurt her more? They had already tried to do that with Kakashi although Kotori knew he would never hurt her. It had helped keep her grounded through the first few genjutsu they tried.

"Do you know where you are?"

"Is that a trick question?"

"No," 'Satoshi' sat in the plastic chair next to her, unlocking her wrists from the guard rails. "It's not a trick. Sorry about this, by the way, when you woke up a few hours ago you were more disoriented. Do you know who I am?"

"Do you know who you are?" She rebutted.

Satoshi's lips quirked up, although it didn't match the weary look in his eyes. "It's good to have you back, Kotori. You're in the Konoha Military Hospital and the date is April 5th. My name is Satoshi Utatane, codenamed Bear. We've been teammates for almost five years now. Do you remember why you're in the hospital?"

He was just so calm, his words carefully delivered in a matter of fact tone that was so very Satoshi. She wondered how it was possible for someone to fake that. Or perhaps Satoshi had been plucked from her memories, her mind filling in the gaps. She gingerly rubbed her wrists once they were freed. She tried to subtly poke holes in the genjutsu, but the usage of her chakra left her feeling even more drained and dizzy.

"You're not Satoshi and this isn't Konoha. You can drop the genjutsu," she bitterly said, her voice breaking near the end. She was too exhausted to play their mind games.

"I see," he murmured. Satoshi preformed a yin release that rippled through the hospital room with far more chakra than necessary. Even though she wasn't a sensor, she could still feel it. Tears started slipping out as she choked on a sob.

"You're not real. You can't be real. Y-you're just a - " She desperately wanted it to be true because that would mean this nightmare was finally over.

"I know it can be confusing after everything," Satoshi looked sympathetic. "But I can assure you that I am real. You're safe now."

He awkwardly handed her a box of tissues. She used the silence to compose herself and wipe the tears from her face. She was home. She could scarcely believe it. A part of her was still afraid to believe it, waiting for the illusion to come crashing down. However she had felt the yin release herself. There was no way that could be another manipulation.

"I'm afraid you're in for a battery of tests," Satoshi apologetically told her. "The doctors have been waiting for you to fully wake and Inoichi has a deprogramming routine for shinobi who have returned from captivity. I understand it can be very emotional, is there someone you want with you?"

"Kakashi," she immediately blurted out. She just wanted him here.

Satoshi's eyes narrowed, however he quickly replaced it with a softer expression. "I'm sorry, Kotori. He left on a mission yesterday, is there anyone else?"

Kotori blinked back tears, shocked that Kakashi wasn't in Konoha. She would have thought he would be here beside her. She supposed it was a foolish thought. He was one of their best shinobi and the village needed him more.

"I could also stay with you," he offered. "I don't want you to feel alone."

She shook her head, not wanting to be an imposition. She suddenly felt small. In a village full of people she considered her friends, she didn't know who to even ask. It had been a long time since she needed someone to sit with her at the hospital. A consequence of having a civilian mother and then no mother at all by the time she was twelve. She didn't want any of her friends to see her like this.

"She won't be alone, she has me!" Aimi was standing in the doorway. She looked slightly out of breath. "I came as soon as I heard you were awake!"

"Aimi - "

"Do you really think I'm going to let my stupid old cousin poke around your head without me here?" Aimi regained some of her false bravado, reminding her a little of Kouta in that moment.

"The kids!" Kotori gasped, suddenly sitting upright.

"Genma and Raidou ran into them and brought them back," Aimi promised her, taking her hand and squeezing it. "Everyone's fine. You need to focus on yourself for now."

It wasn't long after that the doctors showed up. Kotori felt a bit like a test subject as they poked and prodded her. Fortunately, she didn't have any lasting damage, although she would need a new training and diet regiment to regain the muscle she had lost. She felt exposed as Dr Hyuga examined her with the byakugan. He got her to do the three basic jutsu as well as channel chakra to various body parts. The dizziness returned as Kotori tried to do a simple substitution jutsu.

"I don't feel so well," she said, black spots forming at the corners of her vision.

"Just one more test," Dr Hyuga promised. "Try creating a henge."

Satoshi caught her before she could hit the ground. The poorly formed henge disappearing in a poof of smoke.

"I think that's enough for today," Satoshi sharply said.

"Hmmm," Dr Hyuga muttered. His milky white eyes barely moved, however Kotori could feel them carefully inspecting her. "Your chakra network appears to be healing on its own and won't need surgery. For the next two weeks I would suggest meditation and running through your katas each day to strength it. No jutsu and definitely no sparring. I would like to see you back in two weeks time for an evaluation. If all goes well, you should be back to normal in six to eight weeks."

Back to normal. The words echoed in her mind. Kotori gave him a tight smile. "Great."

The deprogramming session left Kotori feeling completely gutted. It hurt that after everything, she had to let Inoichi walk through her mind and witness her lowest moments. He was able to process her memories faster than she could so thankfully she didn't have to relive them. There was a growing pressure in her head as he worked and every so often a memory would come bubbling up to the surface. It was invasive having someone in her mind and her mind struggled against the intrusion. The urge to just mentally toss him to one of her birds and trap him there was strong.

"Easy," Inoichi's voice filled her mind. He seemed amused by the thought. "And don't project me to one of your birds. It's a pain to get back."

Suddenly the pressure disappeared and she knew Inoichi was out of her head. Kotori found herself dry heaving into a bucket, while Aimi held her hair back.

"Well?" She could hear Aimi ask Inoichi.

She could hear the soft scratching of the pen against the clipboard.

"There's nothing in her mind that suggests she would be compromised. She can return to active duty whenever the doctors and her leadership team allow." The scratching paused as Inoichi seemed to be deep in thought. "Aimi, I will reassign your case load to Santa. I imagine you want to take the next few days off."

After that, she was released from the hospital with a clean bill of health. Stepping outside, it felt like nothing had changed since she had left. The streets were just as she remembered it. She could see the familiar faces of her fellow villagers, both civilian and shinobi alike. However, she had changed. Kotori felt strange in her own home.

The feeling was only amplified when she stepped inside her own apartment. Her place was tidy, not even a layer of dust had settled over her bookshelves. Everything seemed sparkly clean in a way that Kotori could never achieve. Her windows were opened, giving the place a light and airy feeling she normally would have loved. Today she wanted to close all the windows and curtains and hide from the world.

Guilt settled in that her friend had gone to such trouble for her.

"Aimi - "

"Don't worry, this way you can rest and not worry about a thing!" Aimi's smile was a little too bright and a little too forced. "Are you okay? You seem quiet."

"I'm just tired. It's been a long day."

"I could only imagine. Well, if you wanted to talk about anything that happened- "

"I'm fine, really," she stressed. Kotori did not feel like talking about it. "ANBU are trained for that kind of thing."

There had been torture and interrogation resistance training when she had first joined. However there was a difference between a temporary controlled environment and weeks of captivity and they both knew it. Fortunately, Aimi didn't push the issue.

"Right," Aimi uneasily said. "Why don't you rest for a bit? Did you want some tea? I think I saw chamomile in your cupboards."

Kotori quickly agreed, if only to be left on her own for a few minutes. Aimi hadn't left her side since she appeared in her hospital room. And while Kotori was grateful for her friend's presence, she was tired of Aimi's nervous hovering.

Someone had removed the flowers and cards from her hospital room and placed them on her windowsill. There were drawings from Rika and her sister, Maki. A few of the cards had names she didn't recognize. There was a card signed by Yumeji and Kazuya Yamanaka that accompanied a rather large and expensive looking flower arrangement. Another card was signed by a woman named Natari.

Kotori's hand trembled as she held the note. Thank you for bringing my son home.

Not for the first time, she wondered how the kids were doing.

The last arrangement had a few branches with gardenias mixed in among the pinks and purples and she knew it had to be from Kakashi. There was an envelope addressed to her that was tucked underneath it, a henohenomoheji drawn over the seal.

Dear Kotori,

Words cannot express how sorry I am that this mission has taken me away from your side. I hope you know that you are in my thoughts every second I am away. Take care of yourself. I hope to return to you as soon as possible.

Love,
Kakashi

The wording was stiff and formal and she could picture Kakashi overthinking what to put on the card. She sniffed as she read and re-read the letter. Tears slipping down her cheeks because it was a poor substitute to having him here, but it would have to be enough. Kotori knew what she had been getting into when started dating Kakashi. It was the unfortunate reality of dating a shinobi. They couldn't always control when they were called away on a mission. Sometimes they missed things. She just thought that Kakashi would find a way to make an exception for her. Especially now.

Despite being exhausted, sleep didn't come easily to her. Kotori tossed and turned, her dreams plagued with the blurry faces of her captors. Then the face came sharply into focus as Gyoku loomed over her. His face twisted into an ugly sneer. Kotori bolted upright, feeling the phantom buzz of lightning. She felt disoriented as she wildly looked around the room. Her instincts were on high alert as if she were in the midst of a mission.

Her heart hammered in her chest as she slowly recognized that she was in her own bedroom. She was in Konoha. It was just a dream. Her heartbeat slowed as she heard the unmistakable voice of Aimi speaking to someone outside her bedroom.

"I can't believe Kakashi left her," Kosuke whispered back. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah, he hasn't been at the hospital in two days," Aimi scoffed. "Even Satoshi was surprised. No one knows where he went. Genma is gone too, so I know it's ANBU related."

"I'm sure he had his reasons - " Kosuke replied. "You know as well as I do that the ANBU don't get to turn down missions."

Kotori's heart stuck in her throat. Kosuke was right, surely Kakashi had his reasons. He had a mission, it wasn't his fault he wasn't here.

"I suppose," Aimi sounded dubious.

Kosuke's voice got lower and Kotori had to strain to hear her. "How is she?"

"You know what she's like. Everything is fine. She's just tired. She won't talk to me."

Kosuke sighed. "I remember when her mother died - well, I suppose give her time and some space. She'll talk to you when she's ready."

Kotori rested her head against the doorframe. She hated worrying her friends.

Kosuke left soon after and Aimi came to check on her. "I was just going to make dinner, any preference?"

"Whatever you want is fine."

"Are you sure?"

"Really, Aimi, I don't care." She tried to keep the irritation out of her tone. She knew Aimi was worried and taking care of her was Aimi's way of trying to help. Kotori wasn't sure she was in the mood for food anyway. However she knew if she didn't eat anything then Aimi would only worry more.

In the end, Aimi made plain white rice with steamed vegetables and tofu. Kotori was grateful that her friend realized she couldn't stomach anything too heavy or rich with flavour without her having to say it.

"Thank you for the meal," Kotori softly said. "You didn't have to go through the trouble, I - "

"You would have lived off instant ramen without me."

"Hey now, I'm an adult. I would have added frozen vegetables," Kotori weakly tried to joke back. Conversation with Aimi still felt stilted and awkward. As if Aimi was waiting for her to fall apart. Kotori didn't think she could fall apart. She feared if she did, then she wouldn't have the strength to put herself back together this time.

Aimi shook her head. "I wish you'd stop pretending to be fine."

Kotori poked at the tofu, suddenly losing what little appetite she had. "Aimi, you work in Interrogation. You know what they did to me. Don't make me spell it out for you. I just want to get back to normal and forget the whole thing happened."

She regretted the words as soon as they were spoken.

"Yeah, I know what they did to you," Aimi confessed. She crossed her arms, her eyes not quite looking at Kotori anymore. "It won't help you to just bottle everything up and pretend it never happened though. I won't push you. I just wish you'd talk to me, or someone. Sensei was always better at getting through to you, but I don't know when he'll be back and then Kakashi just up and left - "

"You make it sound like he had a choice." Kotori didn't like the accusation in Aimi's tone.

Aimi looked uncomfortable. "I- I don't think is my place to talk about. Whatever it was must have been important. I mean, when the Hokage asks is he really asking or telling you to do something?"

Kotori shakily put her chopsticks down. "Right. It was probably an emergency."

"He didn't leave your side the entire time he was in the village," Aimi told her. "You are the centre of his world, nothing is more important to him than you. And I'm sure he's thinking of you every second of this mission and wants to be here."

Tears started leaking out because Aimi was being too nice to her.

"Oh shit, I didn't mean to make you cry. I was trying to cheer you up."

Kotori finally managed to convince Aimi that she would be fine on her own for the night. She felt exhausted as she waved goodbye, promising to meet up the next day. Kotori was relieved. As much as she appreciated her friend, she felt drained being around Aimi. She just wanted to be left alone.

Her days drifted together as Kotori tried to go back to her normal life. She wasn't allowed to do any training yet, her body requiring time to fully recover. Kotori rarely had long stretches in the village with absolutely nothing to do. She felt restless. Her mind wandered as she tried to read, sometimes she would catch herself rereading the same page several times. Most of Team Ro was off on a mission still. It didn't seem anyone outside of her ANBU bubble and close circle of friends even knew she had been hospitalized. Asuma, Kurenai and Gai had waved at her whenever she saw them around the village and didn't treat her any differently. For that, Kotori was relieved. She didn't think she was up for any more well meaning visitors. Aimi and Kosuke still dropped by, however both had their own work and lives as well and the visits became less frequent over the week.

Kotori went to Senju Park every morning to do some light stretches and meditation. It felt good to be surrounded by familiar faces and feel the warm sun on her skin. As she focused on her breathing and the slow movements, she almost felt normal. She could feel her strength slowly returning to her each day. After a week and a half she grew curious how her chakra was recovering. Kotori created one of her birds and watched as it took to the sky.

Chika dee dee dee

She looked around, her body tense at the warning cry of her bird. Only, it wasn't danger that was rapidly approaching her. Quite the opposite.

Kakashi looked just as he always did. Most of his face was hidden by the mask and the slanted headband he wore over his sharingan. His only visible eye gave nothing away. While his posture looked relaxed to the rest of the world, she could see the tension he carried in his shoulders. After weeks of being separated, she wanted to rush over and hug him. She had missed him so much.

However, her legs felt paralyzed, as if she couldn't move. Before long he was standing in front of her.

"Hey," she said.

"Tori," he hoarsely said. She could scarcely hear him say her name.

And then suddenly he had moved and he was holding her and cupping her face and it was too fast, too much. She felt overwhelmed and panicked. Her body went tense as she instinctively pushed him off of her.

"I'm sorry, I - " she trailed off, uncertain how to begin to explain.

"No, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have - " Kakashi was equally uncertain.

He knew that after everything she had been through, it was normal she would be a little jumpy. He had moved too fast and hadn't stopped to think how she would react. However the thought of her flinching in fear away from him still felt like a kunai straight through his heart. He resolved he would be more cautious.

"You're awake."

Her lips pulled up in a tiny smile. "I am."

He resisted the urge to hug her again, to crush her to his chest and never let go. He wanted to pull down his mask and kiss her senseless. There were so many things he wanted to say to her, things he feared he would never get the chance to say. Instead he shoved his hands in his pocket.

"It's good to see you. I'm sorry I wasn't there."

"It's okay, I understand."

He knew his apology was inadequate. Kotori was always too forgiving. He had so much to atone for and he didn't know where to start. Genma had given him shit for leaving Kotori alone in the hospital the entire mission. When Kakashi had looked to Raidou, he could see that the other man silently agreed. Kakashi hadn't wanted to leave her, but he knew she was safe in Konoha. There was nothing more he could do for her there. The burning need to do something to avenge her pushed him forward. However plunging his Chidori through the heart of Arata did nothing to alleviate his guilt and anger. He was left feeling unresolved.

Hinoki had caught up to them on the return journey to inform him that Kotori had woken and had been released from the hospital. The news had been a balm on his heavy heart.

He carefully inspected her now. He had needed to see her with his own eyes. There were dark shadows under her eyes, most likely from sleepless nights. She looked thinner, as if she hadn't been eating much either. Not for the first time, Kakashi wanted to hurt those responsible for doing this to her. If he could resurrect Gyoku and Arata just to kill them both in a more painful matter, he would do it.

"I have to turn in my mission report," Kakashi reluctantly told her. He didn't want to leave her again. "Why don't you come? We can get lunch afterwards."

Unfortunately, things changed once he was inside the Hokage's office. He had left Kotori in the hallway outside, not wanting her to have to hear about the men who had captured and tortured her. Kakashi briefed the Hokage on the successful mission.

Lord Third templed his fingers together as he nodded. "There was a couple things that came to light during the investigation - well, it's best if you see this."

There were a handful of letters from some informant about him. It didn't surprise him. Other organizations had accumulated information on his techniques and fighting style over the years in an attempt to study him and best him. Kakashi knew he was listed in several Bingo Books with a kill on sight order. Being in ANBU hadn't diminished his reputation either, if anything, the air of mystery increased it over time. Other nations knew he was still alive and out there. They just didn't know what he was doing.

Hatake's lover is on his team. She's a non-combatant type. Kotori Sorano, goes by the codename 'Hawk'. I'll alert you next time she's on a mission in your territory. She would make for an easy hostage.

Someone in Konoha, someone in ANBU, was the informant. The information they had on Kotori was far beyond what anyone outside of the village would know. Her codename, her skill set, her missions - all of it had been communicated to Gyoku ahead of time.

His fist crumbled the scroll. His blood boiled that one of their own comrades had sold her out.

Lord Third quietly said, "I had Intelligence compare the writing sample. We narrowed it down to three suspects when one of them bolted. Mouse fled from Konoha thirty minutes ago."

This was a woman that he had regularly seen around ANBU. She was always huddled with Llama or Rabbit, giggling over something. He had gone on missions with her prior to being on Team Ro.

He knew why Lord Third had given him this information. "I'll track her down, but I want an ANBU guard watching Kotori until this is resolved."

Kakashi knew that there were other trackers in ANBU that could handle this. However the mission was personal to him. Mouse's betrayal had hurt the person he loved and killed two others on his team. Kakashi needed to see that it was handled.

Kotori was waiting for him outside of Lord Third's office. Already he could see that she was doing better. Light had returned to her eyes. Her smile was warmer, there was less hesitation in her movements. He knew she was emotionally strong. He knew she would be fine without him.

"Lord Third assigned me another mission," Kakashi told her. "I'm going to have to get a rain cheque for lunch."

"Oh." Her eyes flickered down, no longer looking up at him. "I see."

Kotori wrapped her arms around her middle. She looked so small and vulnerable in that moment. Kakashi wanted to pull her closer, but he could remember all too well how she flinched away from him earlier.

Kakashi hesitated. "Is everything okay?"

"I'm fine," she gave him a bright smile that looked more like the Kotori he knew. Relief swelled in his chest at the sight. "Don't worry about me, just stay safe."

"All right then," he said. "Just be careful, I'll be home in a day or two."

He squeezed her shoulder before taking off once again.