Chapter 24
Tell Me Something Good
Part 1

30 ABY
Occupied Coruscant/Yuuzhan'tar
2.5 years after the 'Fall of Coruscant'

Anakin was feeling much better.

Seven hours in a healing trance had made a huge difference. Knowing that Tahiri was doing a trance of her own added to his peace of mind.

She'd been exhausted when they'd stopped to make camp, and Anakin had hated seeing her so worn out, but all he'd been able to do was cradle her, help her into her own trance, and leave her to rest while he took his turn on patrol.

He was more than physically ready for this, he was mentally and emotionally ready. He'd been waiting a long time for the conversation that was about to take place.

He casually flipped one of his lightsabers up in the air, caught it, then flipped it again as he and Luke walked the perimeter of the camp. After a few minutes, the silence finally got the best of him.

"So Uncle Luke… what do you want to bet there will be a group of very curious little Jedi pretending to sleep but really using their Force enhanced listening skills for the next couple of hours?"

"Why would you think that?"

Anakin rolled his eyes. "Luke… come on."

"What?"

Even in the dark, Anakin had no trouble imagining his uncle's earnest expression.

"This is the first time you and I will be talking alone in three years," Anaking said, "you don't think the others are going to be curious about what we have to say to one another?"

"I guess."

"You guess?"

"Okay, maybe you're right."

"Maybe?" Anakin fought to keep the incredulity from his voice, and almost gave up, wondering if his hopes of having a genuine heart to heart talk with his uncle were in vain.

"Okay, you're right."

Finally, Anakin thought, but said, "So, what do you want to start with?"

"What do you want to start with?"

"I'm okay with whatever you want to start with. We've got a lot to cover."

"True," Luke admitted. "I suppose we could start with whether you have any desire to come back to the Order."

That, Anakin thought, was as good a place as any. "Do you want me to come back to the Order?"

"Of course I do."

"Then how come you've never asked?"

"Because I didn't think you wanted to."

"Fair enough."

"Do you want to come back?"

"No."

Luke sighed heavily. "Well, that's topic number one down."

"That's it?"

"I don't see that my begging will help."

"Really? You're usually pretty relentless in your recruiting methods. I'm not sure whether to be relieved that you're letting me off so easily or insulted that you're letting me off so easily."

"Well, for one, this isn't an average 'recruiting' issue, and two, I don't think it will get us anywhere, so what's the point? But I reserve the right to go back to that one later."

Anakin chuckled, but then grew serious. "Alright, why don't we skip to your convoluted, and grossly misguided asking for Tahiri to join you in the ground assault, and for me to fly cover for the Falcon."

Anakin could almost feel Luke's grimace as he said, "Probably not the best way to go about that."

"Not one of your more shining moments."

"No, and I'm sorry for that. Believe it or not, I wasn't trying to be underhanded. I was actually trying to prevent a difficult situation from blowing up."

"And in the process blew it up."

"Yeah. But was there a way it could have been avoided?"

"I don't know... maybe if Jacen hadn't been in the room, it wouldn't have blown up quite so big."

"Well, Jacen isn't a father, but that was sort of a separate matter."

"Alright, I'll give you that one." Anakin conceded.

"And once we all sat him down and walked him through it, I think he saw just how reprehensible his suggestion was, though I doubt he'll really fully understand until he has a child of his own. But back to the issue at hand; how could I have handled that better?"

"You could have come right out and said that you needed Tahiri, and that Jacen and I needed to address our issues so that they wouldn't interfere with the mission. Maybe that way we might have been able to do just that, but the way you handled it was kriffed."

Luke sighed. "You're right, it was. But to be honest, I didn't think of doing it that way because I don't know how to talk to you anymore."

"Why, because I'm not in the Order? Because I'm no longer an apprentice that you can issue orders to? Or because you think that I don't respect the Order's way of doing things?"

"All of the above? Or, more because I feel you don't respect me."

"Why would you think that?"

Luke was silent for a long moment, then he stopped walking and turned to Anakin and said, "Your behavior since you've been back from Myrkr, or rather, your lack of communication. And because I don't know you anymore."

"I'm still me, I'm still your nephew, and the lack of communication goes both ways. Frankly, I'm a little tired of taking all the blame for the fact that I haven't spoken to anyone in the family. You've all known how to find me for the past year. You could have contacted me at any time."

"I didn't think you wanted me to."

"I know I was angry when I asked you all to leave the med frigate, but again, you've known where I was, you could have reached out."

"You're right, and that is my fault. But aside from that, you've changed, you're older, and you've been through things that I don't know about, you've grown and I don't know the person you've grown into."

"Luke, all my education, all my training came from you and my instructors at the academy, just like Jacen and Jaina. We all had all the same lessons, a lot of them learned at your knee. The only two significant differences between my learning and theirs are that I spent those weeks on Dantooine with Mara and I spent time on Myrkr and they didn't."

"But that's just it; none of the rest of us went through what you went through on Myrkr, and regardless of what you say, that had to have changed you. I know it has. Plus, you're a husband and a father now, and I know, from my own experience, that that changes a man, it realigns your priorities, how you view the galaxy. It changes how you make your decisions. You can't deny that you make decisions differently now that you have Tahiri and Will to think about."

Anakin shrugged as he considered Luke's words then began to walk again. "I'm not sure. I think I still make my choices for the same reasons, but if you do think I'm different, and you want to get to know me again, all you have to do is ask. Like I said, you've known where to find me. All you had to do was fly over to the Lusankya and strike up a conversation."

"I'm asking now. Tell me what happened to you on Myrkr."

Anakin shrugged again and took a deep breath, wondering how to start, then began. "I'm not sure I came back someone different, I don't know, maybe you're right, maybe I did. Or, maybe, I just came back more of who I already was."

"In what way?"

"You've been around ysalamiri, you know what it's like to not be able to touch the Force."

"Yeah, I have, it's not pleasant."

"Well imagine that for over a year."

"I'm not sure that I can."

"It was like waking up blind. And not only did I spend everyday on Myrkr trying to not die, but I spent everyday trying to not die without senses that I've spent my life taking for granted. Even when I'd been around ysalamiri before, it had only been for a few hours at most. But all those months… no telekinesis, no telepathy, no extrasensory perception. And when I got back, even though I could touch the Force again, my senses were so shot; I didn't know what to do with myself. It was like being a candidate all over again. Worse. It was beyond frustrating. I could barely handle a lightsaber. And as if all of that wasn't bad enough, I was alone on Mrykr, no one to talk to."

Anakin held the lightsaber he'd been casually flipping up in the air and lifted it in his hand, as though feeling its weight, then continued talking.

"When Mara and I were on Dantooine she told me that I used the Force as a tool, like a hydrospanner, Corran told me the same thing on Yag'dhul, and they were both right. And the truth is I still use the Force that way, Myrkr didn't change that - if anything my experience has made me rely on the Force more than I used to, but now I'm aware of why I do it; it makes life easier. And maybe that's what I mean when I say I didn't come back any different. I can do things that most people can't. I'm faster, I'm stronger, my reflexes are quicker. I sense things others can't. These are gifts. The difference between now and before Myrkr is that if I did take these things for granted before, I don't now."

"I can understand that. Before Mara and I were married she accused me of doing the same thing, relying too heavily on the Force, using it as a tool. She also accused me of taking on too much responsibility for those around me."

"I think she has always seen a lot of similarities between us. And I think she's always been quick to try to stop me from making what she thought were your mistakes."

"I think you may be right."

"The thing is, I don't think the things she's tried to warn me against were necessarily mistakes on your part, or at least I wasn't making them to the degree that you did because I was never in the position of power that you were in."

"But she's always thought that one day you might be."

"Yeah, her and a lot of other people, and it's never a belief I've encouraged or wanted any part in. And to be honest, it's one of the reasons I've been okay with not being a part of the Order since I've been back."

"Because you don't want that responsibility?"

"Because I don't want people looking up to me before I'm worth looking up to. Because I'm not worthy of wearing that mantle."

"Speaking from experience, again, it's a heavy burden."

"One I don't look forward to carrying, ever, but especially at twenty-one." Switching gears, Anakin asked, "Have you ever asked yourself why you were born with the ability to touch the Force? Why our family and not someone else's? Why the Skywalkers and not the Antilles? And why all of us? Why didn't Jaina take after Dad? Why were all three of Han and Leia's kids born with this ability as opposed to only one or two of us?"

"I'm not sure where you're going with this."

"The expectation was that not only would all of us be Force-sensitive, but that we'd all be exceptionally strong. You and Mom started reaching out to all three of us from almost the moment we were conceived."

"I suppose that was a lot of pressure to place on the three of you."

"Yes, more expectations, but from a certain point of view it was understandable. We were Darth Vader's grandchildren, Luke Skywalker's niece and nephews, and yet neither you or Mom knew you were Force-sensitive until you were adults."

"True, it wasn't until Obi-Wan turned up in my life that I even knew about the Force, let alone knew I could touch it, and not until he and Yoda told me about your mother that we had any idea that she might be able to."

"Exactly. And yet it never crossed anyone's minds that Jaina, Jacen or I wouldn't be Force-sensitive."

"No, I guess it didn't."

"Now, did you ever expect to have the same relationship with Jaina that you have with Jacen?"

"No."

"Why not."

"Because they're different people."

"Exactly, just like Dad's relationships with Jaina, Jacen and me are all different because we are all different people. He can't have the same relationship with me that he has with Jacen because Jacen and I are two different people. There was never any expectation that Dad would have the same relationship with all of us because we're all different. None of us in the family has a 'wrong' relationship with each other; just different."

"So what you're saying is that just like we assumed that you'd all be powerful Force-sensitive, we assumed that you'd all have the same relationship with the Force?"

"Precisely. And you're wrong. Every one of us has a different relationship with the Force, just like everyone one of us has a different relationship with each other. Jacen and I can't have the same relationship with the Force because Jacen and I are two very different people."

"And this is what you learned on Myrkr?"

"No, what I learned on Myrkr is that it's possible for me to survive without the Force, but that having the Force makes my life easier, just like it's possible for me to micro adjust repulsor pads with a number three hydrospanner, but it's a hell of a lot easier if I have a number two, so why would I even consider using a number three if I didn't have to?"

"So what you learned on Myrkr is that the Force is nothing but a hydrospanner?"

"Of course not, I'm not that simple-minded. The Force is infinitely more than a tool. But part of my experience on Myrkr reinforced my view that the Force can be used as a tool."

"And you don't see the moral obligation in questioning motives or using the Force as a guide?"

"Absolutely, in fact I've done a lot of using the Force as a guide since I've been back from Myrkr, more than I ever have before, but I've tried to find a balance, I've tried to not let that stand in the way of what I see as my moral obligation to protect people."

"Don't you think that's what I'm doing? What your brother is doing?"

"Honestly? I wonder sometimes. You and Jacen seriously debated whether or not we should have gone on the voxyn mission. Jedi were dying. We could have all died. Your wife and your son were at risk. How did you not think that that mission needed to be undertaken?"

"I never said the mission didn't need to be undertaken, I simply thought that the risks needed to be weighed and considered."

"So did I, it just took me considerably less time to weigh them. And again, my frustration with Jacen, with both of you, stems from the fact that everyone wants me to behave like him, have the same relationship with the Force that he has. No one wants him to have the same relationship with the Force that I have. Why is that?"

"I don't know."

"If Jacen behaved the same way I did, if he went into every situation swinging his lightsaber first and asking questions later, as everyone accuses me of doing, he wouldn't be Jacen. If I sat and contemplated every situation instead of following my instincts Tahiri would be a Yuuzhan Vong, and the academy kids would have been handed over to the Vong instead of hidden in the caves below the Great Temple until Karrde's people had gotten to them. The Voxyn would have hunted us until we were all gone. I had nothing to do on Myrkr for fourteen months but walk, think, and not die and I spent a lot of time thinking about how all of us have a different relationship with the Force, and the fact that that is okay. We are all different, all of our instincts are different, the Force needs different things from all of us. My way of doing things may not be right for Jacen, but they're right for me, and I take responsibility for my actions, whether they work or not. I've never asked that Jacen follow my path, why does everyone want me to follow his? Do you think the Force wants us all to follow the same path? Would all of us acting exactly the same way serve the Force?"

"I guess I've never really looked at it that way. I've never looked at it from the Force's point of view, and as far as you and your brother, we've spent so many years trying to peel you two off of each other, and explaining you two to each other…"

"I've heard earfuls from you and Mara and my parents explaining him to me, telling me to be patient, telling me to be understanding, and I've heard him telling me how wrong I am. But have you ever explained me to him? Or did you just accept him and continue scolding me?"

"To be honest, now that you mention, I don't know how much time we've actually spent explaining you to him."

"I'd wager not much," Anakin sighed, "given that none of you seem to get me either."

"Okay, last topic."

"The Force is telling me this one is big."

"Tahiri."

"Ahhhh… as though I'd read your mind."

"Is that what drove you to Tahiri?"

"What do you mean?"

"Is that why you got married so young? Because she understood you and accepted you in a way that your family didn't?"

"We got married because we love each other."

"But why so young? You said yourselves, you waited to do anything too serious, so it wasn't because you were already sleeping together. And she wasn't pregnant yet when you got married."

"I know we joke about it, but we actually do more than have sex."

"Thank you for clarifying that. But I'm asking why you didn't wait, did we drive you away? Did you feel the need to start your own family because you didn't feel accepted by our family, and Tahiri always accepted you as you were?"

"It felt right. I knew that she and I were supposed to be together."

"So it wasn't that we pushed you away?"

"One has nothing to do with the other. I loved her; I married her. It would have happened eventually, regardless of what was going on with the family. We were already planning an actual wedding, Forty-two notwithstanding. The only reason you guys found out was because she got pregnant. If it hadn't been for Will, you guys still wouldn't know we were married, and we wouldn't be living our lives any differently, frankly."

"Except that she would have gone to Myrkr."

Anakin smiled. "Well, yeah, there is that."

"Okay…" Luke sighed,

"I knew it, last topic, but you have fifty questions on this one."

"At least fifty. Is she ever going to forgive me for the Maw?"

"Ah… the Maw. Another huge issue."

"It's almost like you're channeling Jacen."

"Don't tell Tahiri, when I start trying to be funny and fail, she thinks I'm tired and she freaks out and wants me to do a healing trance or starts trying to shove cookies down my throat. If I tell one bad joke, she wants to rush me to the med center."

"Good thing she's not married to Jacen, she'd have him on life support."

"Wow… that may be the funniest thing I've ever heard you say."

"Now why don't I ever get credit for humor? Mara always gets the credit for being the funny one in our marriage."

"That's because she's so scary that no one expects her to be funny."

"Is she really that scary?"

"Luke… c'mon... the woman killed for Palpatine. I mean, the only two people in the galaxy scarier than her were the Emperor and Grandpa."

"'Grandpa'. It's so weird to hear you call him that. Especially when you say it to Tahiri."

Anakin laughed. "I wish I had a holo of the look on Mom's face that first night you guys were on the Lusankya and Tahiri said to call her 'grandpa' again. Priceless."

"I thought your mother was going to explode."

"Serves her right for naming me 'Anakin'."

"Anyway, back to the Maw."

"The Maw." Anakin sighed. "Tahiri has a large gaping hole in her heart that was created that day Tryst and Cassa were killed. Sliven didn't know how to begin to fill it. No matter how much I love her, I'll never be able to fill it. Will has filled a piece of it. That's why she's so desperate to have more children, because she needs that hole filled, but we've made a conscious decision to wait until the war is over to have more kids. The day the peace treaty is signed, we'll be spending that day trying to get pregnant again."

"That may be more information than I needed."

"Like the whole galaxy doesn't know what we're doing when we're off duty and Will's asleep."

"So that really is all you do?"

"We take breaks to eat and shower. Though showering usually leads right back to where we started."

"Thanks for that insight."

"When are people going to learn to stop asking?"

"The Maw?"

"The Maw. Tahiri has spent her life lacking people who love her, truly, deeply love her. It's only been in the last couple of years, with me and Will, and the Holds, Valin, and Paloma, and, believe it or not, the Commandos, that she's begun to know unconditional love. Given Mara's background, being an orphan herself, you have to know what I'm talking about."

Luke nodded in agreement.

"As obvious as it may seem to me, or Mom and Mara, Tahiri hasn't the faintest idea how deeply you care for her. None whatsoever. And unfortunately, your trying to send her to the Maw only made that situation worse. She's convinced that you tried to do that because you didn't care, not that you tried to send her away to keep her safe. She may never get over you doing that, and that may forever color her belief that you do care."

"So, the only hope I have of ever gaining her trust again is to talk and listen and put in time?"

"Pretty much. And good luck with that. Her head's thicker than Dad's. Also, you should know, the likelihood of her ever rejoining the Order may be slim, whether I do or not."

"Why is that? I sort of figured you two were a package deal."

"Not on this. And it's actually not because of the Maw. She didn't resign because she was angry at you or to prove a point. She resigned because of Will."

"What do you mean?"

"She knew that if she stayed in the Order she'd eventually have to leave Will to go back out and fight and that there was a higher than average chance that she'd die and that Will would be an orphan; she didn't want that for him. Joining Intel and staying on the Lusankya enabled her to contribute to the war effort and support herself and Will, keep him with her, and at the same time keep them relatively safe. She thought she was going to be raising him alone. Even when I came back, she assumed in the beginning that I would eventually join up with the Jedi, and that the chances of something else happening to me would be high. She told me that I was free to make whatever choice I wanted but that she would be staying with Intel and Will would be staying with her."

"So that's why you don't want to come back?"

"Partially, and partially, as I said, I don't want the responsibility that goes with other people's expectations of thinking I'm going to be the next Luke Skywalker. And partially because I really enjoy what I'm doing. We'll see how I feel when the war is over. I may get bored in a year and decide that I miss swinging a lightsaber first and asking questions later."

"Cute."

"Next?"

"Tahiri's cookies."

"I would have thought that would have been higher on the list."

"What are they for?"

"Tahiri didn't tell you?"

"No. Jaina told us a little bit while you and Tahiri were having your little talk in the field. She said you needed them because your body hasn't recovered from what happened on Myrkr."

"Well, she had the gist of it right."

"But Tahiri didn't say anything while you were in the trance and I got the feeling there was something else. The way Tahiri reacted when her pack fell and we weren't able to get it back… the look on her face when you said they were just cookies and that you'd be fine."

Anakin smiled ruefully. "You don't miss much."

"She also slapped you pretty hard. I'd have to have been a spiced up Hutt to have missed that."

"You don't give yourself enough credit."

"The Force showed you something."

"What makes you say that?"

"Like I said, the look on Tahiri's face. I've known her since she was little. I've seen her scared before, and Anakin, she wasn't just scared, she was terrified. The Force showed you something."

"From a certain point of view."

"I hate it when my platitudes are thrown back in my face."

"Probably almost as much as I hate your platitudes."

"Fair enough. What did the Force show you?"

"That it's always in motion?"

"Anakin…"

"What might have happened on Myrkr. But it didn't."

"What did that have to do with today?"

"Something that I said reminded Tahiri of what I was shown and it scared her."

"What you were shown must have been pretty clear to have caused her to react like that."

"It was, but it didn't happen, and it didn't happen today either, so it's fine."

"How many times am I going to have to ask you to tell me what you saw?"

"You might as well stop because I'm not going to tell you."

"What?" Luke asked, clearly stunned by Anakin's refusal to answer him.

"I hope you take this with the respect that it's intended, but I'm not going to tell you, so you need to stop asking me."

Luke continued to look at him in shock.

"Look, you may find this hard to believe, but I've spent years thinking about this, years meditating on this, this is part of what I thought about on Myrkr, and I've come to the conclusion that it's best that I not share this. Remember what I just said about using the Force as a guide? I have not made this decision lightly. In fact, there haven't been many decisions in my life that I have made lightly. Yavin, not made lightly. Yag'Dhul, getting married, not made lightly. Going on the voxyn mission, staying on the Lusankya, coming here, Sernpidal; not a single one of those decisions have I made lightly. And contrary to what I'm sure most people believe, there isn't a single one of those choices that I would change because as hard as all those choices were, as bad as some of the outcomes were, I know I made those choices for the right reasons. And now, making the choice to not tell you what the Force showed me before Myrkr, I know I'm making for the right reason because I've been asking the Force and the Force has been very clear. I know in my heart that the Force does not want me sharing this right now."

"But Tahiri knows?"

Anakin stopped short and stared as his uncle. "Are you kidding me?"

"What? That doesn't seem like a valid question?"

"Are you jealous that my wife knows and you don't? Or are you jealous that a Jedi Academy dropout knows and the Grandmaster of the Order doesn't?"

Luke opened his mouth to say something, but Anakin cut him off.

"Look, I'm going to assume, for the sake of argument, that your marriage works like mine does; that Mara is your best friend and closest confidante, that you tell your wife things that you wouldn't tell another soul, that you confide your deepest, darkest secrets and fears in her. That she knows you better than you know yourself. And that for that very reason she can call you on your crap in a way no other being can, and for that very reason you trust her to keep you honest in a way that no one else can. Does your marriage work that way?"

Luke sighed. "Basically."

"You want to ask me again if Tahiri knows?"

"I guess the better question would be if she'd figured it all out before you had?"

"Yes, and yes."

"She always was a sharp girl."

"Yes again, and for your information, her final opinion was that she trusted me to make the best choice and that she would support whatever I wanted to do."

Luke chuckled. "And if she's anything like my wife, she informed you of what the best choice was."

"Exactly. See, we're practically married to the same woman."

"You know, in some ways, they really are a lot alike."

"In some ways all the women in this family are a lot alike, in that they're headstrong and don't like to be told what to do and have no problem putting us in our place. Clearly we're all attracted to a certain type. Which is sort of ironic. Really makes me wonder what your mother was like."

"Yeah, I've wondered that for years."

"I mean, imagine, a woman like my mother, little, and all bossy, married to the man who became Darth Vader. Would have been something to see."

"Your mom, your sister, Mara, and Tahiri all rolled into one?"

"Spooky. Speaking of my sister, there's a rumor going around that she had to be pulled off of Jacen after the 'Big Breakfast'."

Luke grimaced before saying, "We were trying to keep that quiet."

"I guess Jag didn't get the memo."

"Figures he'd be the one to spill the story."

"I think he's developed a whole new appreciation for his girlfriend."

"Good, he'll never survive as a man in this family otherwise."

As they neared the camp again, came within a few meters, Anakin stopped walking and put his hand on Luke's arm to hold him in place. When he had his uncle's full attention he looked into his eyes and said; "Luke, there is one thing that I will tell you; The Potentium is crap. There is a dark side. Respect it, fear it, never forget that it is real. For Ben's sake, for Mara's sake, for Tahiri's and Jaina's. Be vigilant. Do not ever let your guard down."

Luke gave him a solemn look, but didn't say anything.

Anakin nodded over towards where Jaina and Jacen were sleeping. "You want to wake them up for their turn, or do you want me to?"

Luke continued to look at Anakin for a moment, and Anakin knew, could tell by his uncle's expression that he was taking everything that Anakin had just said in, was taking it seriously, and for that Anakin was glad. Then Luke let out a breath and said, "I'll do it, you go rest."

"Okay." Anakin nodded, "I'll see you in a couple hours."