You woke up feeling your head hurting. You groaned. Then, the arm that was over your waist pulled you back into a warm body. Soft lips tickled your shoulder.

"Good morning, beautiful."

Memories of last night came to your mind.

"Kakashi?"

How many times had you wished for Sukea to stay the night, to wake up next to him? But now that it happened, you felt panic beginning to rise. You were almost sure he still had feelings for you but what did you feel for him? Could you ever trust enough again to have a relationship? You had asked for him to stay because you were afraid of being alone.

'Alone...'

You were all alone in the dark, muffled noises reached your ears but you couldn't distinguish their origin. Only when it rained you could clearly hear the water drops fall on something metal. It was so cold there... You didn't know how long you were alone in the dark. You ended up losing any sense of time, and in the end, you even lost yourself.

You knew those memories were from when Kabuto tortured you. They should have been hidden away in your brain but somehow they managed to leak through. You knew you were safe now, but those memories made you unable to move right now. Now you knew why you were so afraid of being alone.

Kakashi felt you tense up and interpreted it wrong. He thought you were disappointed by waking up next to him.

'I knew I should have resisted her while she was drunk. She surely regrets this. She isn't ready to be with someone after what she went through. Or maybe she just doesn't want to be with me this way...'

He turned around and got up. You felt cold creeping up on you.

'No, don't leave.'

You weren't able to find your voice, your mind still lost in the memories of solitude when your vocal cords were so out of use that you couldn't get a sound out of your mouth.

'Why is he leaving? Is he maybe not in love with me as I thought?'

All the happiness Kakashi had felt when waking up next to you was gone in an instant. He began to search for his clothes. While getting dressed he looked back at you. You were still in the same position as when you woke up, back turned to him. He knew he needed to get out of there before you could break his heart any further.

'At least I have the memories of her sleeping peacefully in my arms.'

He tried to convince himself that it was a good thing, but a little voice in the back of his head told him it wasn't so. That image of you would only hurt more. Knowing what it would be like waking up next to you but never having the chance to repeat it was torture. Ignorance is bliss after all.

"Sorry for last night. I shouldn't have taken advantage of your drunkness. I understand if you don't want to talk to me again, so I will leave you alone."

Saying those words hurt a lot, but Kakashi knew he did wrong. He had lost your trust a long time ago when he disguised himself as Sukea. Now he even feared he had jeopardized your friendship.

You heard your apartment door closing but you were still unable to move. Only tears fell over your cheeks. You didn't know how long you stayed like that. It seemed to be hours, but probably it had been only a few minutes. Now you could breathe a bit easier and think clearer.

'I need to get all of my memories back. Even if they are of torture and pain, I only will get more crippled if they come back so unexpected like this.'

With that in mind, you decided to go talk to Tsunade before your shift. You actively focused on that problem so you could ignore your confusing feelings about Kakashi. 'One problem at a time' you thought.

Tsunade wasn't pleased with your request, but there wasn't much she could do about it. It was your choice after all. She only asked for you to wait some days so she could talk to Inoichi and prepare themselves to bring down the walls of your memories. You were fine with that.

You made your way up to the gate for another shift. Your colleague was still chatty today as he had been the last half hour of the last day's shift. Sadly today you would prefer for him to shut up. Your headache was only getting worse with his voice.

Almost at the end of this torture, (ahem, I mean shift), Izumo showed up.

"Hi (Y/N), Eiji."

'So his name is Eiji...'

You only lift a hand to greet him.

"Already here Izumo? Your shift will only start in about 20 minutes."

"I know, but I was hoping to talk with (Y/N) if you don't mind keeping watch alone for a bit, Eiji."

Eiji didn't look pleased, but he had the most respect for his senpais so he ended up saying it was no problem. You suspected what Izumo wanted to talk about so you followed him. He came to a hold soon, he only intended to be out of Eiji's hearing reach.

"What is it Izumo? Is this about Kotetsu?" You asked because it seemed he was reluctant to begin.

The man in front of you seemed to become embarrassed, his resolve began to crack. He takes a big inhale and finds his courage to speak.

"I don't know what happened yesterday between you and Kotetsu, but he is a mess. I was at his place and he was just sobbing, telling me how you broke his heart."

You tried your best to maintain yourself calm.

"I had once told him I only see him as a friend. It seemed he didn't get the message the first time so I had to be more aggressive this time."

"Yeah, I get it. But was it really necessary for Kakashi to boast to him that you were fucking that night?"

You were surprised how angry Izumo was, but that made you only angry too. What you did or didn't wasn't their business. You raised your voice at him.

"I don't think Kakashi would boast about it, and I'm not happy that Kotetsu found out the way he did, but he shouldn't have shown up in the middle of the night at my place as he did. So hopefully it will help for him to move on."

You saw Izumo clenching his fist, which made you want to yell some more at him, telling him that this was none of his business after all, but then you thought, 'Why exactly did he come to talk to me. Don't think Kotetsu would ask him to do that, and a mere friend wouldn't do this either.' Now looking at the man in front of you, seeing his concern made you understand it.

"You like him, don't you?"

"What? No, I don't like him. Well, I do like him as a friend, but nothing more."

He could talk all he wanted, his body language had given him away.

"Whatever... Look, that with Kakashi was a coincidence, okay? I didn't plan it nor did I expect Kotetsu to show up in the middle of the night. Maybe I should have been more assertive the first time I turned Kotetsu down. I didn't want to hurt him too much, but if I had done it then, maybe he had already moved on. Maybe he would even see the feelings you have for him."

Izumo turned red like a ripped tomato.

"I-I don't have..."

"It's okay Izumo, you don't have to justify yourself. Look, I know I have hurt him, but I wanted for him to be free of me because I don't see him the way he sees me. He needs a good friend now, can you be there for him?"

The chunin looked at you for a while. He was afraid that his secret was out, but he could see that you weren't mocking him, that's why he nodded.

"I will. You can go, since I'm already here I can begin my shift."

You were glad about it. You were exhausted. 'Uhg. I'll never drink that much again when I have work the next day.'

Now at home, you take a quick shower and crashed into bed afterward. The sheets were still pulled back because you didn't make the bed before going out. Now with your head on the pillow, you took a big inhale. That was a mistake because they had Kakashi's smell on them. That reminded you, you still had to figure out your feelings for him...

Hi everyone. So this book is coming to the end soon. Don't know if it will be in the next chapter or if there will be two more, but I don't think it will be more than that. This is my second fanfiction that I'm writing and I learned so much with it, but since I'm struggling so much to write it now, it will be best to bring it to a conclusion. Although I write because it's fun for me, I still want it to be enjoyable for you to read, that's why I hope I can come up with a good end. Thank you for keeping reading 😊