It wasn't like she didn't want to tell him. She just didn't want to hurt him.
But three days and several aborted confessions later, Kagome was running out of time.
Sesshoumaru would be back soon, and for the first time since that first kiss he'd stolen outside the village, she counted the seconds to his return not with giddy anticipation, but dread.
Running her fingertips along her beautiful silver bracelet, she drew strength from it, as if he was there with her.
"Inuyasha, what would you do if you found out I've been keeping something from you?" she finally asked.
As they weaved aimlessly through the forest trees, he stopped to admire smells while she appreciated with her eyes. A particularly large white tiger lily gave her pause.
"Like ramen? Prolly just curse up a storm."
Her friends were at the end of their rope, Sesshoumaru was... and now, her too.
As much as she didn't want to drop this bomb, she could not let him return to an ignorant half-demon.
"No, I mean a secret. A big one, that you're not going to like."
She was eyeing him carefully, but he seemed distracted by the invisible trail he tracked.
"I dunno," he shrugged distractedly, inspecting another shrub. "Depends, I guess. I might get mad, but I'd get over it."
The debilitating weight she'd been carrying around for months lightened suddenly at his calm response, and hope was given leave to bloom. Maybe she'd underestimated him.
She hated that she was praying she had.
"There's nothing you could ever do that I wouldn't forgive you for. You know that, right?"
Through welled eyes, Kagome watched her best friend crouch to tickle some purple bells, his expression thoughtful.
"Yes," she realized in that moment.
Venturing closer, she took a deep breath.
For a split second, she thought this might not be so terrible after all. Seizing the moment of courage that small optimism afforded her, full lips parted, a scandalous confession teetering on the cusp of them.
But before it could tumble, he abruptly stood.
Hard, golden eyes bore acutely into hers, stopping her in her tracks both physically and mentally.
"It's the lying part that would hurt," he informed her, creased brow and twisting scowl a far cry from his recent careless demeanor. It startled her quiet, mouth snapping shut.
"That's all a secret is, ain't it? A big lie."
Her moment of bravery had passed, but he still looked like he wanted an answer.
"What if I had only been doing it to protect you?" she asked timidly. "To save you from pain?"
A heavy scoff through his fangs caused her to flinch. "I can handle pain; I ain't weak."
The connotations of his accusation had her fighting not to wince. "Trust though - that's fragile. And once it's broken, you can't fix it."
"You can't?"
With mounting distress, she retreated half a step as he shook his head, unsure if perception or paranoia caused her to internalize his plight.
"You're the only person I've ever met who never betrayed me once." The softening of his tone did not mask the bitterness of it, and she squeezed her fists nearly tight enough to crack bone.
"If I couldn't trust you either, I know for sure I would never trust anyone again."
His gaze seemed to sadden at the mere notion, while her heart broke at hearing all her fears confirmed.
To her, injured puppy dog gold seemed to be pleading with her not to ever test his claim. To keep his heart - his faith in her - safe.
"Why'd ya ask?"
He left on an errand after that. She rushed back to her hut.
Or tried, at least. Her friends were rightly eager for a recount of her most recent attempt at coming clean; they had been her support system and motivational coaches throughout this ordeal, not to mention unwilling accomplices, and hence had a vested interest in her success.
So, despite wanting to go have a nice, private breakdown, she gave them a hurried report, which required a follow-up assuring them that she would be okay after a good cry.
Whether or not they believed her, they let her be.
By the time her frustration was purged, Kagome had come to a decision - and after dinner was when she'd make her move.
She figured her good friends would understand her wanting to turn in early, and by all accounts, they did.
Once they were distracted, she grabbed the bag she'd packed before their meal and slinked away beneath the haze of dusk that was starting to settle in.
She had to get there before any with more discerning senses returned to detect her escape, so she broke into a run the second she was out of sight of the camp.
Grass and leaves crunched beneath her feet; wind burned loudly past her ears as she slid through it.
It was getting harder to see, but she'd memorized every rock and root and tuft of earth on this journey. Every step and stair and hill.
As she fled, she wondered if demon senses were really as amazing as advertised, or if they'd simply been around so long that they just remembered were everything was. She decided on: perhaps it was both.
When she finally spotted the well, she ran faster. But instead of relief, her panic bolstered with each urgent step.
She flung toward the lip of the well like it was home base, like it was a safety that permitted no harm so long as she was touching it.
Breath ragged, she let it support her weight, hunching over a moment just to fill her lungs. It would prove a tactical error.
"Wait!"
She froze at his stern command, debating disobeying as she gazed into the depths of freedom.
But something stayed her. Maybe guilt, maybe conscience... maybe it was because he was the only one left who was willing to chase her.
She'd driven everyone else she loved away.
A/N: Sorry it's been a minute for this, I just been busy lol.
Honestly, I've been kinda held up on it bc I hinted at a plot, and now that we're nearing the endish side of things, I gotta make some stuff happen. For that reason, Sesshoumaru couldn't be here today. But don't worry, when he's not around, we will still be talking about him, cuz otherwise I get bored lol.
Also, if you're a little confused, that's probably normal. I have 2 more updates for ya that will hopefully answer most of those questions. I'll put at least one out tomorrow.
Hopefully I can get a new chapter of Vice out soon too (I wrote this instead), or else I'll just keep adding chapters to this until I get stuck or bored, or finish it. Sorry, not my call lol.
Questions? Comments? Concerns?
Flames? Praise? Manifestos?
Riddles? Recipes? Advice?
Bring it.