Happy Wednesday my lovelies!
I hope you are having a wonderful day. Thank you, once again, for all your amazing comments on the previous chapter. I truly appreciate you all.
I also appreciate Christine, the best team mate I could ever ask for :)
This is a long one. Hope you'll enjoy!
Summer arrived with high temperatures and a lot of free time, painting a coat of laziness over them.
Without work, without having to take the kids to school, with just hours and hours to kill every day as they tried to survive the insane heat that seemed to have taken over the entirety of Ohio, Kurt and Blaine spent most of their time in the Hummel's backyard. Kurt had bought a little inflatable pool for the kids, and so their parents would lie down, alternating between sun and shade, and watched them splash each other and giggle the afternoons away.
Sometimes Blaine would face-plant into the pool, spilling water everywhere and making the kids laugh harder, and Kurt would watch them as they played and smiled, as Finn tried to climb on Blaine's back, telling him to carry him like a seahorse, Olivia joining in, Blaine struggling to crawl in the few inches of water with them on top of him, and he could feel his heart, so full yet so light.
Sometimes Kurt would get tired of being useless, and would work on the backyard instead, trying to save his father the trouble, and would mow the lawn, Blaine helping him by trimming the bushes or sweeping the loose grass or by bringing him lemonade, the ice cubes tinkling inside the glass, the cold a blessing in his throat. But mostly he would lean on his elbows on his towel, sunbathing, and watch Kurt, a hungry glint in his eyes as he followed the drops of sweat making their way down Kurt's back.
It was one of these afternoons today – a lazy Thursday that had turned into Kurt being too restless to sit idle any longer, so he had gone into the tool shed, grabbed the lawnmower and got to work. He was very, very aware of Blaine's gaze on him as he worked, as he leaned to remove a rock from his path, as he felt the sweat pool on the small of his back.
It was probably enough to explain why they ended up by the side of the house, hidden from the kids' eyes, hidden from view from the kitchen window, Blaine pressing him against the wall and licking his neck while he made needy little sounds in the back of his throat, holding Kurt's wrists, their chests glued together. His skin was hot as a fire against Kurt's, golden after all the hours spent in the sun, and he was so beautiful that all Kurt could do was throw his head back to give him more access, his cock twitching in his shorts.
He shook one of his hands free from Blaine's grip and buried his fingers in Blaine's curls, tugging on them to bring their mouths together. He whimpered a little into the kiss, far gone in his lust already, having to remind himself that their kids were nearby and could see them if they got too carried away.
As he pulled away from the kiss, Blaine grazed his teeth along the edge of Kurt's jaw and said: "I wanted to ask you..." he sucked a bit on the spot where his jaw met his neck and Kurt wanted him so much it almost hurt. "I rent a house on the lake for a few weeks every summer. It's really nice, so peaceful. Maybe you and Finn would like to join us, at least for a few days?" He pulled away to look at him, his eyes almost as golden as his skin.
Kurt scratched Blaine's scalp mindlessly as he regarded him. It sounded like paradise, going away just the four of them for a little while, and he was sure Finn would love it there, all that nature, all that peace. "That sounds very nice. We would love to go."
Blaine beamed at him, happy and youthful, and Kurt used his hand to pull him closer again, this time for a softer, more languid kiss.
It was so hard to resist him.
Blaine's thumb tugged a little on the waistband of his shorts, making him aware that he had begun to harden. "It's probably a good idea if I go find us something cold to drink, huh?"
Kurt swallowed, trying to move past the arousal growing in his belly. "Probably, yeah."
Blaine kissed his cheek swiftly and took a step back, and Kurt's hands itched to pull him right back. He winked conspiratorially and then turned, disappearing around the corner of the house. "Who wants some juice? Anyone?"
He heard the kids replying to him as if through a fog, as he willed his body to calm down. He was always hungry for him, his body always ready to respond to Blaine's touch, craving it more than it craved anything else. Some time ago, Kurt might have been terrified of it, but now...
Now he was too tired to be terrified. He just wanted to let himself enjoy – his life, Blaine's closeness, the safety he had missed for so long. He didn't feel like worrying.
There was something about summer, he thought. It made even his fears too lazy to deal with.
Blaine and Olivia had the lake house for a whole month. It was a little shocking, how incredibly noticeable their absence was as soon as they left. They had become such a big part of their everyday that sometimes Kurt turned to say something to Blaine only to realize he wasn't there.
He missed them. Both of them.
Finn missed them too, and kept asking why they couldn't go to the lake already. Kurt had explained it to him a million times, but he couldn't really blame him for being anxious about meeting them there already. He was a little, too.
"I told you already, sweetie," he said, his grip on Finn's hand firm as they walked down the street to the drugstore. "Cooper and Maggie are going for a visit during their first week there, so there wouldn't be enough room for all of us. We'll go next week."
It gave them time – and a perfect distraction – to get all the things they needed for the trip, starting with a new swimsuit for Finn (he had chosen a blue one with fish on it) and one for himself (plain black for him, elegant and understated – he hadn't owned a swimsuit in so many years, always too sensitive to the sun, never too keen on going swimming, but he had been excited to buy one this time). Now they only needed sunblock, and a few other essentials for their trip, hence the quick stop at the drugstore.
They walked down the narrow aisles, throwing what they needed into a little basket, including Spiderman band-aids for Finn, who spent almost ten minutes looking at the different kinds until he picked those ones for himself, and then, after a second thought, added ones with My Little Pony on them, saying: "For Ollie!"
Kurt bit his lip as he stood at the end of one of the aisles, hesitating, and then said: "Honey, why don't you go pick a candy bar? Only one, and not too big."
Finn cheered and headed to the candy aisle, not too far from there, and Kurt slipped into the one next to him and looked at the contents a little nervously, unsure.
He was going to be spending a few days with Blaine and given their recent history, it would be too naive of him to assume nothing would happen. He reached and grabbed a box of condoms. Maybe it would be too presumptuous of him? But what if they needed them and they couldn't get any? And what if Blaine thought...?
Blaine had pushed him against the wall to lick the sweat off his neck, Kurt shouldn't have been having this many doubts.
He was reaching for a small bottle of lube when he heard a voice behind him.
"Kurt?"
He recognized it immediately and he turned so abruptly, he almost felt dizzy. But he hadn't been mistaken – there, just a few feet away from him, looking as amazing as ever, long black hair falling on her shoulders, dress that left nothing to the imagination, legs that seemed to go on for days... was Santana Lopez.
Before he could say anything, she was striding towards him, a very odd look on her face. She grabbed him by the shoulders and pulled him into such a tight hug she knocked the air from his lungs.
It only took him a couple of seconds, before he was wrapping his arms around her, too. He squeezed her against him, incredulous, choked with emotion because she was here.
Her fingers were digging into him almost painfully. She stepped away from the hug after a minute, eyes wide as she watched him. "You... you're here."
He smiled at her. "God, this is such a nice surprise..."
And then her eyes hardened and her smile was dry. "Well, it wouldn't be a surprise if you hadn't dropped from the face of the earth. What the hell, Kurt?"
"I'm sorry," he said softly, because he knew that, even if he hadn't meant it, he had hurt his friends.
He had hurt everyone.
"I'm sorry? I'm furious. You have any idea...?" She couldn't even finish the question. "I would punch you, Hummel. You'd deserve it."
"No need," he said, calmly, his jaw tightened a little, bitterness spreading through him. "Gabriel did it for you enough, for a very long time."
The breath stuttered out of her and she became pale, alarmingly so. "Oh, Kurt... I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said... we actually suspected but... we didn't know what to do."
"It's okay," he reassured her, grabbing her hand to give it a firm squeeze. "Don't apologize, it's okay. You didn't know. No one did."
"Rachel and I..." She shook her head, her fingers closing around Kurt's. "We didn't know how to find you. We didn't know how to help you. We even thought you didn't want us around anymore."
"I promise that was not the case. It was just..." He took a deep breath. "A difficult situation. But I'm fine now. I came home. I left him last year." Kurt really didn't feel like giving her details on the worst things that had happened in his life in the middle of a drugstore, so he hurried to ask: "What about you? What are you doing here? Are you living in Lima again?"
"Only for a few months," Santana replied, still looking at him like she couldn't believe he was right there in front of her. "Brittany and I came to stay with her parents for a while. Her dad had a car accident recently – he's fine, just facing a really long recovery, but he's out of danger now – so we came back to help her mom take care of him. I'm actually here to pick up some prescriptions for him."
Kurt smiled softly at her. "You and Brittany are still together?"
Santana lifted her hand, a wedding band glowing on her finger. "We celebrated our tenth year anniversary a few months ago. Still going strong," she said proudly, before she added: "She's actually pregnant with our first kid."
"Oh Santana, that's..." He pulled her into another hug. "Amazing. So amazing. Congratulations. How far along is she?"
"Five months," she said. "We are scared shitless, but so excited."
"I bet you are," he chuckled. "You'll be great moms, though. You'll see."
"I hope you're right." It was in the little shrug that Kurt saw just how nervous she really was about it, but he didn't comment on it. "God, wait til Berry hears about it. She's going to piss herself in relief."
"Do you still see Rachel?" He asked, and his heart beat a little harder with every mention of one of his old friends.
"Of course, every Monday for potluck dinner unless we're travelling for work," she said, like it was obvious. "Berry, and Mercedes, and Artie, and Sam, and Tina... the whole gang."
Ten years of Monday potluck dinners he had been absent for. The longing inside him gaped and threatened to swallow him whole.
She must have seen right through him, because her face softened. "I'm sure they'll be happy to see you. We would love to have you back when you return to New York."
He shook his head. "I'm not going back to New York. It's a long story, but..." He looked down as he felt a little tug on his hand, and found Finn standing there, watching Santana with guarded eyes. "I decided to stay here, near my family. So I can raise my son."
Santana glanced down and her eyes widened slightly, lips parting in surprise. "This is..."
"Santana, this is Finn," he said proudly, pressing his hand to his son's shoulder. "Finn, this is Santana. She's an old friend of mine."
Finn blinked up at her, and Kurt wondered what he saw – most people who looked at Santana found her highly intimidating. He frowned a little and asked: "Is she an old friend like Blaine?"
Santana snorted before she could stop herself, but still seemed a little shocked. Her gaze fell on the bottle of lube still in Kurt's hand, who hurried to drop it into the basket and cover it with some of the other items.
"Well, not exactly like Blaine, kid," she said salaciously. "I don't have the right parts for it."
Kurt glared at her while Finn stared in confusion. "Santana."
"What? You missed me, and you know you did," she said with a wink.
He deflated and smiled again. "I did. I really did."
Her phone buzzed and she took it from her tiny purse to look at it. "Shoot, I have to go. But listen, Hummel," she said, and pointed a sharp-nailed finger at his face. He was afraid she would take his eye out. "Don't you get lost again. I mean it."
"I promise I won't," he said sincerely. "I want to catch up with everyone. I didn't contact you guys because... well, things were difficult for a long time, but I'm finally getting back on my feet now, so..."
She practically shoved her phone into his hands. "Your phone number, please."
He grinned as he entered the number into her phone. As soon as he gave it back, she made his own phone buzz.
"And now you have mine," she said. "Use it."
"I will," Kurt promised. "Soon."
"Okay," she said, and after hesitating for a second, because it was probably too vulnerable for a badass such as her, she finally pulled him into another hug. "I'm so happy you're okay."
"Give my love to Britt, okay? We'll catch up soon," he said, as he pulled away and took Finn's hand in his.
"I will," she smiled down at his son. "Nice to meet you, Finn." And the way she said his name...
Finn, if you only knew how much everyone misses you still, if you knew how much you mean to everyone even though you've been gone longer than you were in their lives...
The little boy hid a bit behind his dad's legs but waved at her. "Bye."
Kurt watched her go, still a bit in awe, his heart beating out of tune. What an unexpected little piece of happiness, running into the people who had meant the world to him.
Now it was up to him to make sure he kept them around.
He was done letting go of people who were good for him.
The house was small, but dreamy. It sat completely isolated on the edge of a lovely lake, nothing but trees and sky surrounding it. Blaine had fallen in love with it at first sight, and hadn't felt like going anywhere else ever since. It was as if being there was enough for all his tension and all his stress to melt away – all he could hear there all day was the sound of birds singing and then silence, just wonderful, healing silence.
For a while, right after his divorce, he had actually hated the silence because it meant he was alone with his thoughts. But he had still come here, for a month every summer, to be patient with himself and his broken heart, until it was mended. He let his gorgeous daughter distract him and help him focus on what was really important, and he had eventually felt better.
It had an open floor plan downstairs, which meant that wherever you were standing, you could look out a window and see the lake outside. The living room, dining room and kitchen were comfortable, all perfectly designed to make sure that, no matter what you were doing – cooking, watching a movie, just gazing out at the beautiful landscape – you still stayed connected to the other people in the house. It was perfect to spend time with family – Cooper and Maggie had come over for the first week, as they did every year, and sometimes even his parents would show up for a while. This time, they hadn't been able to take too much time from their obligations, so they had only come to spend a day with them before they drove away again that same night.
There were two small bedrooms downstairs, Olivia's and what he called the guest room, where Cooper and Maggie usually slept. Upstairs, there was a gorgeous master bedroom with an en-suite bathroom and a balcony that overlooked the lake.
Outside on the deck, there was a table to have meals at and a couple of outdoor armchairs where Blaine loved to sit and read a book while Olivia played around by the shore. It was a very peaceful lake, which meant no one ever came here to do any water sports or with boats, so Olivia could swim safely, always under her father's watchful gaze.
This was Blaine's summer haven and maybe, one day, when he was old and grey he could retire here.
That day he was standing at the kitchen counter, cutting fruit for a salad while he kept an eye on the bacon sizzling on the pan next to him. Kurt had texted him ten minutes ago that he and Finn were arriving, so Blaine thought it would be a good idea to welcome them with brunch outside on the deck.
Olivia appeared next to him, and used her little sneaky fingers to steal a strawberry from his cutting board. "When Finn gets here, can we go for a swim?"
"We're going to eat first," Blaine replied, putting the last of the fruit into the bowl and setting it aside as he went towards the fridge to grab a few eggs. "And we'll have to see what Kurt says afterwards."
"Maybe Kurt will want to swim, too!" She exclaimed, big grin on her face.
"We'll see, sweetie. He was never into swimming. Maybe he'll just sit somewhere in the shade…"
Olivia watched him for a few moments as he cracked eggs into a bowl, like she found the whole process fascinating. And then she asked: "Was Kurt your boyfriend, daddy?"
Blaine was so surprised his fingers tightened a little more than they should on the egg and it crumbled under the pressure, eggshell everywhere. He groaned and began to pick it up. He would not make Kurt scrambled eggs that had broken shells all over them.
"How… why…" He began and paused, began and paused.
Olivia shrugged before he could even form a full sentence. "Uncle Cooper talks about him like he was your boyfriend."
"I…" He gathered all the eggshell and threw it in the trash, and in his distraction, he almost burned all the bacon. He hurried to put the pan away. "Yeah. Yeah, he was. But it was a long time ago."
Olivia's face lit up like he had just told her they were moving to Disneyland. "Oh! Okay!"
And without another word, she skipped away.
That girl. Oh, that girl.
He had just finished setting the table outside when he heard Olivia's squeals of excitement that meant Kurt and Finn had arrived. He joined her at the front door just as Kurt parked his father's truck next to Blaine's car in the driveway. He opened the door and went outside, followed by his daughter, to welcome them.
"Hey guys!" He said with a smile, as Kurt got out of the truck.
"Hi!" Kurt said, as he went around to help Finn out. "Wow, this place is gorgeous."
Blaine hurried to grab his luggage. "I'll give you a tour after brunch. I hope you two are hungry!"
And so just a few minutes later they were all sitting around the table outside in the shade, brunch laid out in front of them, the kids laughing as they talked about all the fun things they would do together, Kurt with sunglasses smiling over the edge of his cup of coffee, and Blaine... Blaine felt like his paradise had become just a tiny bit more idyllic.
It couldn't get much better than this.
It was decided that Finn would sleep in Olivia's room, because there was no convincing them otherwise.
"It would be like a sleepover every night!" Olivia had said, and Blaine couldn't argue with her logic.
They put Kurt's stuff in the guest room.
Blaine didn't want to assume – would it be too weird to just assume? He had almost marched upstairs with Kurt's bag, and then realized it was incredibly arrogant of him. Of course he would love it if... but no. That wasn't the reason he had invited him.
But maybe Blaine would leave his bedroom door open tonight, just in case.
The afternoon was spent outside – with a view like that, it was a pity to stay indoors.
Kurt, a little wary of the glare of the sun, sat under a tree with a pile of magazines that he ignored in favor of staring at Blaine as he jumped into the water, joyful like a child, laughing as he swam on his back. The kids stayed closer to the shore, where they could splash around safely, until Blaine put them in the floaties he had bought for them, and then they joined him a little further into the water.
Stretching on his towel to get a bit more comfortable, Kurt found that all his muscles were loose and pliant and he honestly couldn't remember the last time he had been this relaxed. It was almost strange, to feel like this, to have no worries at all. It was even stranger not to have one single thought nagging in the back of his head, no old voices trying to bring him down.
There was just... peace.
After a while, Blaine came out of the water, dripping wet, hair a mess, golden skin like caramel, and headed straight to where Kurt was, letting himself drop unceremoniously on the towel next to him, droplets of water flying over Kurt's pile of magazines, which he hurried to move away while Blaine smiled up at him, not a single care in the world.
He was the most gorgeous man Kurt had ever laid his eyes on, and his heart beat accordingly to it.
Kurt glanced back at the kids, who were still playing in the water. "We shouldn't leave them alone…"
"It's fine, I promise," Blaine reassured him instantly. There was a drop making its way down the naked curve of his shoulder and Kurt had to use all his strength not to lean down and wipe it out with his lips. "Ollie's been swimming in this lake since she was two years old. It's very quiet and definitely not dangerous. I'll be back there in a second if they need me."
Kurt hummed, and after one last look towards the kids to make sure they were doing okay, he looked back down to Blaine and, unable to resist himself, brushed a wet curl off his forehead.
Blaine's smile became even brighter, if that was possible, and leaned a little into the touch as Kurt's hand rested gently on his cheek for a moment. "Aren't you going to swim?"
"Maybe later," Kurt said.
Blaine grabbed the hand still pressed to his face and kissed his palm very, very softly. "Okay."
Kurt got so distracted looking into his eyes – there were little specks of green mixed in the hazel today, it was mesmerizing – that he didn't realize the kids were heading towards them until he had an armful of Finn, who was giggling and wet.
Blaine let out a breathless laugh as Olivia fell on him and he caught her in his arms.
This wasn't only peaceful, Kurt thought.
This was what a perfect life looked like.
That night, the kids were so tired they almost passed out face-first into their dinner.
After tucking them in and kissing their foreheads, smiling at their sleepy goodnights, Blaine and Kurt headed back outside, where Blaine lit a small bonfire in the fire pit on the deck. Despite how warm the day had been, the sun scorching on their backs, the temperatures seemed to drop during the nights here.
Kurt had gone inside to look for a light sweater and slipped into it as he passed by the kitchen, where Blaine lifted a bottle of wine with an eyebrow arched in question.
"Would you like a glass?"
Kurt looked at him, cozy in his Dalton hoodie, curls still untamed, like he let himself be free here in a way he didn't anywhere else, and smiled. "Sure, I'd like that."
So they sat outside, glass of white wine in their hands, sticking close to the fire, the sky a dark canvas littered with countless stars above them.
"God, what even is this place?" Kurt murmured in awe, tilting his head back so he could stare at all that infinity. "It's straight out of a fairy tale."
"I know," Blaine said, mirroring his position. "I haven't felt like vacationing anywhere else since I first came here."
A whole vast world out there, and he had been lucky enough to find the little corner where he felt like he truly belonged only a three hour drive away from the place where he had been born.
"How did you find it?" Kurt asked, shifting so he could lay on his side, cheek now to the back of the armchair so he could look at Blaine instead of at the sky.
"Maggie," Blaine replied. "I swear, that girl was made to find me places I can call home."
"She clearly has excellent taste," Kurt smiled at him, and then they were quiet. There were crickets somewhere down the deck, maybe a frog or two singing in the darkness, but except for that, all the sound they could hear was their own breathing. "I ran into Santana the other day."
Shock made Blaine look away from the stars and towards Kurt. "Really? Where?"
"The drugstore," Kurt said. "She's back for a little while, and so is Brittany. Britt's dad had a car accident so they are in town helping her mom out in the meantime."
"Oh my goodness, is he okay?" Blaine's brow furrowed in concern.
"Yes, he's fine, apparently. He is just facing a long recovery. She didn't tell me much… she was very surprised to see me," Kurt took a deep breath. "So was I, naturally."
"Naturally," Blaine echoed. He watched Kurt for a moment, before he added: "I bet she was also happy to see you, though."
"Yeah, she was." Kurt thought about how tightly she had held him. He didn't think she had ever held him like that.
Well, maybe once. When Finn had died.
He swallowed back the bitterness that came to him with those words every single time.
"We exchanged phone numbers," Kurt commented, just to get that thought away from him. As long as he kept talking, as long as he could focus on something else, everything would be okay. "I think she would have threatened my life if I hadn't given it to her, anyway."
Blaine chuckled softly. "Yeah, I bet." He paused, glanced back at the sky, and asked: "So, she and Brittany…?"
"Been married for ten years," Kurt muttered, and took a sip of wine to wash those words down. "Brittany's pregnant. It's their first child."
The words hung between them, heavy like chains around their necks. It wasn't that they weren't happy for them – if there was anyone who deserved to have that joy, it was Britt and Santana, who'd had to overcome so much to be together. But they couldn't help thinking…
"I'm glad they made it," Blaine whispered, his voice cracking a little.
Kurt thought about Blaine, standing in that restroom in a restaurant in New York, weeks ago, looking so desperate and lost, so broken and upset. It didn't matter that it had been over a decade, there were wounds that would always feel too tender.
It made him feel needy with the urgency to help them heal.
He placed his glass of wine on the floor next to the armchair and offered his hand to Blaine, who once again, bless him, didn't hesitate to grab it. Kurt pulled intently on it until Blaine stood up, took the hint, dropped on Kurt's lap, hand going to Kurt's shoulders to find balance.
He carefully leaned to place his glass next to Kurt's, and then, with both hands free, wrapped his arms around his neck and let their foreheads rest together.
The peace Kurt had been feeling ever since he had arrived here seemed to increase in that moment, as they just sat there, holding each other, breathing together, being close.
It was Blaine who moved in for the kiss, letting out a little whimper like he couldn't hold back anymore, like their lips being only inches apart was too much for him to bear and he needed to do something. It was slow and deep, a dance they were experts at. Blaine's tongue tasted like the sweetness of wine and intoxicated him just as much. Kurt's hands tightened on his waist, pulling at him like he could get him even closer, but they were already glued together. There was only one way they could be even closer, and they were wearing too many layers for it.
They didn't shred them until they were in the upstairs bedroom, safe behind closed doors.
Blaine moaned brokenly into the pillow, fingers holding tightly onto the headboard as Kurt kissed along his tan line, dipping his tongue in the little curve above his ass. His hands grabbed at the cheeks, pulled them apart a little bit. The rest of Blaine's skin was several shades darker, golden, but his ass was pale from lack of sun exposure and Kurt smiled a little bit as he bit into the flesh, eliciting yet another moan from Blaine.
"Kurt…"Blaine groaned, like he couldn't take the teasing, like it was too much, pushing back insistently, the muscles in his thighs trembling slightly.
Kurt knew what he wanted and didn't hesitate in giving it to him. He licked at him, slow at first, using his fingers to spread him open for better access, shallow little kitten licks that drove Blaine insane, and then he hardened his tongue, and started to fuck him with it.
Blaine let out a wail – it was a miracle it didn't wake the kids.
He came suddenly, muffling his cry into the pillow, as Kurt reached blindly for the lube and the condoms.
The night wasn't over yet.
The next morning, they moved Kurt's things up to the master bedroom.
Kneeling on the couch so he could spy into the kitchen area, Finn smiled as he watched his dad. He was dancing around the kitchen as he cooked, moving from one counter to another with a sway of the hips and a quick step, smiling like he didn't even know he was doing it.
This was what Finn had always wanted.
Blaine came into the house. He'd been outside on the deck hanging the towels they had used after swimming in the lake that morning. He, too, smiled, as he went into the kitchen and took a look into a pot to see what his daddy was doing.
"Wanna try it?" Daddy asked, and he grabbed a wooden spoon. He offered some of the contents of the pot to Blaine, holding a hand under it to avoid any spills, eyes twinkling as Blaine's lips wrapped around it.
Blaine hummed in appreciation. "I've always loved your risotto. Can I help with anything?"
As he watched them, Finn's head was filled with a sudden memory. The last night they had lived with Gabriel, before his daddy told him to pack his things and they came to live with Grandpa Burt and Grandma Carole. He had been cooking rice that night, too. He remembered the way it had spilled all over the floor when Gabriel pushed him, knocking the pot noisily. He remembered his dad's scared face as he tried to calm him. He remembered how his daddy had raced towards him, grabbed him and taken him to his bedroom so he would be safe, how he had insisted he closed the door and waited for him.
This moment, it seemed to Finn, was the opposite of that.
Blaine had begun dancing around his daddy now, too, making him laugh in that way Finn loved so much – his daddy's laughter was like a song, he thought, so beautiful. Blaine grabbed his hand, made him spin, caught him against his chest, and they looked at each other as they danced, as if they had forgotten about everything else in this world.
Maybe they had.
Finn turned to Ollie, who was sitting on the couch next to him, but completely focused on the television, and poked her on the arm to get her attention. She glanced up at him curiously.
"Look," Finn murmured, quiet, not wanting to interrupt their daddies.
Olivia got on her knees on the couch, arms coming to rest on the back of it, and grinned widely.
They sat there, watching them, and Finn thought he had believed he knew what happiness was after that perfect Christmas morning, all the presents Santa had brought him scattered around him, his daddy's easy smile and his arm safely around him, but this? This was so much better. This had to be what true happiness felt like.
Finn wanted it to last forever.
That night, the kids weren't as tired, so the four of them sat out on the deck to stargaze and roast marshmallows on the bonfire, all cuddled together on the armchairs. Blaine smiled, face scrunched up in joy, as Olivia pressed a sticky kiss to his cheek.
"Can we stay here forever?" She asked, voice dreamy.
It was nice to see her so happy after how hard the past few months had been for her. Blaine brushed her hair off her forehead.
"Maybe we could come back at some point before next summer," Blaine said, thoughtfully. "Some long weekend or something."
Her eyes lit up. "All four of us?"
Blaine glanced at Kurt, who looked perfectly content with his son snuggled against his chest, watching them, a lazy smile on his lips. "Sure. All four of us."
There was a burning urgency that night – they didn't even bother with prep or with lube-coated fingers. They just needed skin, hot and sweaty and on display, ready to be touched. They pulled their clothes off and got under the sheets, immediately reaching for the other, rutting together with mouths parted, swallowing each other's ragged pants, speeding up as the pleasure began to grow more insistent, as the release laid there just a little bit out of reach, struggling for it, hands encouraging the other to go harder, faster, more, more, please, right there. They came almost at the same time, white streaks like art on their chests and stomachs.
Kurt barely managed to snatch a tissue from the nightstand to clean himself and Blaine before Blaine was wrapping his arms around him again, pulling him in for a sated, sleepy kiss, as he turned to reach for the lamp switch. The only light in the room came from the moon reflecting on the lake outside, and they were asleep before they even finished kissing.
Days were a blur of sunshine and laughter, nights a progression of touching, of lips trailing paths down each other's bodies, or trying to keep quiet when what they truly wanted was to scream.
Blaine taught Finn to swim, showing him how to hold his breath, how to use his arms and legs to push himself through the water. He held him carefully, showing him there was nothing to fear, that he wouldn't let him drown, as Kurt stood a little away, ready to catch him, with Ollie cheering on him as she swam like a mermaid, so used to the water it was like second nature to her. Blaine guided him, hands on his little waist, as Finn kicked his little legs, and then let go of him and watched expectantly as he swam the rest of the distance towards Kurt by himself, who grabbed him and held him up in the air, proud and filled with joy.
And then, while the kids played by the shore, throwing a beach ball back and forth between them like it was the most fun they had in years, while they paid absolutely no attention to their parents, Kurt and Blaine held each other as they floated, chests glued together, Kurt's fingers in Blaine's wet curls, Blaine's hands on his waist.
But even when they weren't in the lake, as long as Blaine's arms were around him, Kurt still felt like he was floating.
He hadn't known he was capable of holding all this joy inside.
The swipe of Blaine's tongue on his nipple had Kurt arching his back and hissing at the oversensitivity. Blaine smirked up at him, his hands warm as they travelled down Kurt's sides, before he lowered his head and let his lips move down his chest, kissing down his stomach and towards the place Kurt wanted him the most.
Kurt let out a choked moan as Blaine swallowed him down in one swift motion, the head of his cock hitting the back of his throat. "God, you're not playing around tonight," Kurt muttered brokenly, hand coming to rest on Blaine's hair. He was dying to move, to fuck into that tight, perfect heat.
It had to be one of the most erotic sights in his entire life, the way Blaine slowly, slowly, slowly sucked his way up, tongue pressing on the underside along the shaft, cheeks hollowing, eyes watering a little.
Kurt could have come just from watching Blaine.
He pulled off with a little popping sound, and his lips were so pink. His thumb pressed into Kurt's hipbone. He looked far gone already – lust had darkened his eyes and his chest was heaving slightly. "Wanna ride you into the mattress," he said, his voice husky and before Kurt had a chance to react to that, he was sinking down on him again.
Blaine Anderson was going to be the death of him.
Kurt lost himself to the sensations, the slow hum and vibrations of pleasure, tugging him towards a release he wasn't quite ready for yet – and that was the thing about having sex with Blaine: it wasn't just about having an orgasm, about chasing the end of it. It was about how they got there, about how they made each other feel good, about how they connected and aroused each other throughout the whole thing. About the way in which Blaine's hands knew exactly how to hold him, where to touch him, how to touch him, to set off explosions inside of him that couldn't be contained. Fireworks.
Blaine pulled off again, the tip of his tongue lapping momentarily at the head of his cock, teasing the slit and sending shocks all over Kurt's body. "Give me the lube," he said, without looking up, focused on what he was doing.
Kurt groaned and reached for the nightstand, which shouldn't have been so difficult, but he kept falling back against the bed, his bones turned into molten lava that he couldn't quite control. But eventually he succeeded and gave the little bottle to Blaine, who uncapped it and, mouthing along the shaft of Kurt's cock, coated his own fingers before bringing his hand down to stretch himself.
Kurt threw his head back and moaned, so loud and desperate, they both paused for a second to make sure they hadn't woken their children.
Blaine's mouth became a little sloppy as he crooked his fingers inside himself, jerking forward as if looking for some kind of pressure on his cock. He worked quickly, making a mess of lube on the crumpled sheets underneath them, letting out needy little sounds between Kurt's legs.
It was a miracle Kurt didn't come right then and there.
Growing too impatient, eventually Blaine removed his fingers and began to crawl up Kurt's body, who shifted to get more comfortable into a seating position against the headboard, grabbing Blaine's hand to pull him along. Blaine tore open a condom packet and rolled it on Kurt's cock with shaking fingers, urgency growing inside of him.
He grabbed Kurt's face between his hands as Kurt held himself right at Blaine's entrance and, as he kissed him, open-mouthed and frantic, he sunk down.
It was easy to build a perfect rhythm when you knew each other the way they did, when they knew exactly what the other needed for this wave of pleasure to grow and grow until it could burst inside them in the most wonderful way. Kurt kept his eyes on him, not wanting to miss a single second of this, and Blaine held onto his shoulders and fucked himself down onto Kurt's cock, the muscles in his thighs straining as he did, as the speed became faster and faster.
But even through the desperation, the absolute need to come, Blaine was smiling, like he couldn't picture anything better than this.
Kurt didn't dare kiss the smile away. It was too beautiful to erase it.
Their arms tightened around each other as they came, sharing a lazy kiss that was supposed to help them muffle their moans. And then came the stillness, the panting breaths against each other as they came down from their highs, Kurt's hand trailing down Blaine's sweaty back, pressing him a bit closer, Blaine's fingers tangling themselves in Kurt's hair to guide him into another kiss, and Kurt still buried deep inside of him, like pulling out was too much to bear right now.
Blaine hummed in contentment, and trailed the hairline at Kurt's temple with the tip of his nose, such a tender little gesture after all that heat and urgency. "Kurt?" He whispered against his ear.
Kurt lowered his head, kissed the curve of his naked shoulder. "Yeah?"
Blaine exhaled happily, like there wasn't anywhere in the world he wanted to be right now. "I love you."
Kurt's heart stilled in his chest.
It had been so, so long since he had heard those words, since they had meant what they meant when it was Blaine who said them. For a long time he had laid on a bed next to a man he didn't love and who scared the living shit out of him, and thought of Blaine, and wished he had uttered them more often – had he ever told Blaine he loved him before Blaine told him? Or was it always I love you, too? Was it always a reply and never a statement? Had he made Blaine feel as loved as he deserved?
Blaine pulled away slightly at his lack of response. "Kurt?" He said again, but now the smile was gone.
Panic felt like lead inside of him, nesting in every little corner of his body, filling his belly, making it hard to breathe as it pressed against his lungs. What did he think was going to happen? Can it ever be casual between us? Of course not. It had been a stupid question and they had known the answer all along, so why had they ignored it?
He closed his eyes because he couldn't keep seeing the disappointment in Blaine's eyes.
Why was he always disappointing him?
Say it back, a voice inside him said. Just say it back.
I can't. I can't. He deserves better...
He opened his eyes. Blaine's face was completely unreadable as he looked down at him, but his hands had tightened around his shoulders.
"Kurt..."
I can't give him what he needs. This is just going to end in pain again and I'm going to lose him forever and I can't deal with that.
Blaine must have seen his panic-stricken expression, because he hurried to pull away and give him some space, wincing a little at the sudden emptiness between his legs. He kneeled on the bed next to him, watching him, his fingers twitching on his thighs, like he wanted to reach for him again.
The look on Blaine's face hadn't reached the level of heartbreak and despair it had shown that night in the restaurant all those years ago, but it was already on its way there.
Just tell him. Be honest with him. Tell him. You promised you wouldn't hurt him again.
But the words were stuck in his throat, because what could he offer Blaine? He had nothing for him. He was still just a shadow of what he had been.
Blaine deserved someone who was whole, someone who wouldn't shy away from his feelings, someone who wasn't capable of hurting him...
"Please don't freak out," Blaine muttered, despair clinging to his voice. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have..."
And that was it – as soon as Blaine apologized to him, it was like something shocked Kurt into action. Because he couldn't bear hearing Blaine apologize when he had done nothing wrong.
It was always Kurt who ruined everything, who was too fucked up to make him truly happy.
He got out of bed and reached for his underwear, slipping into it quickly. "I'm so sorry..." He said, trying not to choke on the words.
He could hear Blaine scrambling to get out of bed too, the raggedness of his breath. "No, no, wait. We can... Let's talk about this. I'm sorry I said that, I thought..." He was suddenly in front of him, still completely naked. He tried to press a hand to Kurt's arm.
Kurt stepped back almost abruptly, out of reach, knowing he wouldn't be able to deal with it if Blaine touched him again.
But it was the worst thing he could do right then, because Blaine's eyes filled with devastation. He wrapped his arms around himself. "Kurt, please..."
"This is all my fault," Kurt said, and reached for the rest of his clothes. "I let everything get out of control. I let us do this even though I knew..."
Blaine had just slipped into his own underwear, but now stopped and watched him. "What? Knew what, Kurt?"
His heart beat agonizingly slow as he said: "I knew it was a mistake."
It hurt him to say that, words like sharp knives climbing up his throat.
Blaine's breath left him in a quick, pained gasp. "A mistake."
"With our history..." Kurt shook his head, trying to clear his ideas, but it was so hard when all he wanted to do was shut his mouth and kiss Blaine instead, erase the sadness that had appeared on his face, make him smile again, like he had just a handful of minutes ago. "We knew we were bound to hurt each other. I should have known that I... but it felt so good, and I wanted it so much..."
"I wanted it, too," Blaine cut him off. His jaw looked tense enough to hurt. "I want it."
"Blaine," Kurt started and then paused, because there was a battle inside of him: half of him wanted to run away, and the other half wanted to run towards Blaine and soothe him. He couldn't pick a side. He was too confused.
"I didn't mean to ruin everything," Blaine said, his voice cracking, and when a few tears appeared in his eyes, Kurt felt as if his heart had suddenly been ripped from his chest. "I'm so sorry."
He reacted before he knew what he was doing, and though it was the most dangerous thing he could do right now, Kurt cupped his face in his hands tenderly, wiping his tears away. "Don't be sorry," he whispered. "It's not your fault. I..." He took a deep breath and took a step away before he got lost in it again, but only succeeded in making Blaine look absolutely lost. "I have to go."
"No, Kurt, please," Blaine muttered, hopelessly. "Let's talk about this..."
"I can't," Kurt choked out. Already completely dressed, he moved to where his suitcase was resting against the wall by the door, and grabbed it. He exited the room and made his way downstairs.
"Wait, please!" Blaine exclaimed, following him. "Where are you going? It's the middle of the night! Just... stay. Please. We'll talk in the morning."
But Kurt couldn't stay. Staying meant being close enough to fall again, to fail at holding back, to letting himself be weak and reach for what he wanted and shouldn't have. He had no right to have Blaine, to put him at risk...
What did he have to offer a man like Blaine, except more heartache?
He went into the kids' room, careful not to be too loud and bother Olivia, and just looking at the peacefully-looking girl as she slept, her hair spread on the pillow, her arms around a teddy bear, made his heart crack.
He grabbed his son into his arms. Finn only stirred for a second, before he dropped his head on his father's shoulder and continued sleeping, too tired after the day's adventures to fully wake.
Kurt closed the bedroom door behind them with one last look in Olivia's direction.
Blaine followed him down the hallway. "Kurt, please. It's late."
"I can't stay," Kurt said as he reached the front door. If he stayed... would he ever be brave enough to leave before it was too late?
Blaine had told him he loved him. It was already too late.
While Kurt put Finn into his booster seat and got the luggage into the car, Blaine simply watched him. But when he went around to the driver's seat, he stood right at the door, not letting him open it, and looked him right in the eyes.
"I don't understand," he said, so brokenly that it was like a blow that knocked Kurt's breath out. "We were... I thought..." He shook his head, like he couldn't believe it, and a single tear made its way down his cheek. "You told me you didn't want to hurt me anymore."
A sob tried to claw its way up Kurt's throat. "I'm sorry."
A bitter little smile appeared on Blaine's lips as he stepped away from the truck. He shook his head. "I'm such an idiot."
Kurt wanted to tell him that he wasn't an idiot – it was just that Kurt was too much of a coward. Too many pieces of him had been broken and damaged over the years, and he didn't know how to be the man Blaine thought he loved.
He wished he could rewind to earlier that night, when everything had been so perfect. Maybe if he had kissed Blaine at the right moment, he could've silenced the words he couldn't bear to hear.
He got in the car and turned the engine on. Blaine took a step back, but didn't go inside, simply stood there and watched as Kurt pulled out of the driveway. Kurt did his best not to look at him – he didn't want to see Blaine cry.
Still, that didn't stop the tears from building in his own eyes as he drove away.
He suddenly had a flashback to all those months ago, escaping from New York, escaping from a life that had become a nightmare, escaping from a life where his every day had been nothing but hell.
Only this time, he wasn't running away from a nightmare, but from something perfect.
Only this time, he had been the one doing the hurting.
…
…
…
I'm just going to back away very slowly and see you again on Saturday!
L.-