CHAPTER 27: THE CERTAINTY OF CHANGE

BARGAINING: There are returned-from-the-dead movies that explore the emotional and philosophical aspects of the journey with sensitivity and insight. And then there's "I Married a Witch." Puritan Jonathan Wooley denounces his sometime girlfriend, Jenny, as a witch. Before she gets burned at the stake, she curses him and all his descendants to marry women destined to make them miserable. The curse works. So does the execution. Jenny's soul ends up sealed in a tree until 1940, when lightning blasts the tree, conveniently releasing her from limbo the night before the wedding of Jonathan's latest descendent, William, to the last woman on Earth likely to make him happy.

Jenny decides to take a bad situation and make it worse – for William, anyway – until she realizes instead of tying him to the wrong woman, she wants him to marry the right one – with herself in the title role.

MORAL: The movie keeps asking which is stronger: love or magic? But what if the answer is both?

Isono picked Mokuba up at school. They were driving back to Kaiba Corporation when Mokuba spotted Anzu. He ordered Isono to stop the car, rolled down the window and yelled, "Hey, Anzu! Are you heading over to Yugi's? We can give you a lift."

Anzu looked up. "Hi! I'm not seeing Yugi until a little later. I just finished a couple of errands." She frowned. "It's my first full day back and already I'm stuck killing time."

"I'd be happy to murder it with you," Mokuba said and then blushed. "Uh… I meant…"

Anzu laughed. "Thank you. That would be nice." She pirouetted and curtseyed. Her skirt flared out as she twirled around. "And a limousine! I'll pretend I'm a famous dancer."

"I'm sure you're the best ever!" Mokuba said a little too earnestly and then blushed again. He got out of the front seat, avoiding Isono's professionally scrubbed expression, and opened the back door. Anzu hugged him briefly in greeting and got in. Mokuba slid into the seat next to her.

Anzu leaned back against the cushions. She accepted a soda. "Where too?" she asked.

"I was going to visit our horses," Mokuba said, jettisoning his planned visit to Kaiba Corporation.

Anzu beamed at him. "You have horses? Great! I love horses!"

Mokuba hid a smug grin.

The horses were in the paddock when they arrived at the stable. Kaiba's smoke gray Andalusian tossed his head and stamped the ground, pretending they weren't there while preening in front of them. Mokuba's Friesian mare trotted over. Anzu ignored them both. It was hard to look at anything else when Atem's Akhal-Teke was in view, his pale gold coat shining like the winter sun.

"That's Atem's horse, Honey. Isn't he a beauty?" Mokuba asked.

Anzu nodded. The golden horse was made to carry pharaohs, to pull their sun god across the sky. It was a four-hoofed reminder that Atem belonged to a world of myths and legends. And Kaiba had given this beauty to Atem; he'd seen that they belonged together. "He's a horse made for a king to ride," she said slowly.

Mokuba tilted his head. "I guess Atem is a king, kind of. Which is pretty weird, if you ask me."

"I haven't gotten used to it, either," Anzu admitted.

Mokuba shrugged. "It's not like his story didn't change every week or anything. First, he's Yugi. No, he's this weird ghost that comes out to duel. No, he's a pharaoh except he doesn't remember his name. Oh wait! He remembers it now. Then he's off to the after-life, except that he keeps hopping back every time things go sideways. It's been a lot."

Anzu laughed. "I'm glad I ran into you."

Mokuba grinned back. "Me, too."

Anzu looked at the horses for a moment, then turned to Mokuba and blurted out, "Can you believe those lunkheads tried to hide everything from me?"

Mokuba pouted. "They didn't invite me to their meeting, either. I was in school but still. They didn't even tell me about it afterwards, I just figured it out from stuff they said."

"Kaiba was probably trying to keep you safe."

"So were your friends," Mokuba pointed out.

Anzu tossed her head. Kaiba's horse mimicked the gesture behind her. "Well, they shouldn't. I've been with them through every crazy adventure. I can face anything they can."

Mokuba stood straighter and puffed out his chest. "So am I!"

Anzu bit her lip to keep from reminding Mokuba that he was only 13. Trying to keep him out of yet another dangerous situation showed a greater sense of responsibility than she'd ever given Kaiba credit for. She sighed. "Even when you understand, it doesn't always help, does it? It's hard being the person who's expected to cheer them on. They're the ones doing all the dangerous stuff, and I admire them. And I know I'm helping, but sometimes it feels like I'm stuck on the sidelines and it sucks!"

Mokuba nodded. His horse nudged him. "Sorry, I forgot," Mokuba mumbled to the mare, then went to the stable for carrots. He fed Night Mare and Smoky. Atem's horse deigned to take a carrot from Anzu.

"What if we had the chance to be more?" Mokuba asked, when they'd finished.

"How? Mokuba, what are you talking about?" Anzu asked.

Mokuba pawed the ground. "Nothing. It's just… you're so sure of yourself. It's great. You always know what's the right thing to do. How do you figure it out?"

Anzu tossed her head again. "I know what I believe and I don't back down." She paused, remembering all the times she'd ended up re-evaluating all the things she'd thought she knew. "I just follow my heart and hope it leads me in the right direction," she added more quietly.

Mokuba nodded. "My brother always tells me not to be afraid of going after what I want." Mokuba giggled. "He once told Yugi… uh, Atem, I mean… that if god stood in his way, he should mow him down."

"Hrmph. That sounds like something Kaiba would say."

Mokuba pressed his lips together, suddenly reminded that Anzu didn't think much of his brother. He kept forgetting that.

"I'm sorry," Anzu said. "That was unfair. I don't know your brother, just the side of him he shows the world, the side that only cares about winning, the side that could build a theme park of death and then act like it wasn't a big deal. For a long time, I assumed that's all there was to know. And it isn't. It's just that sometimes you can get an idea of someone stuck in your head and never notice that it's out of date, and probably wasn't the whole truth to begin with."

They leaned against the fence in silence. Mokuba turned to Anzu. "If you could wish for anything in the world and have it happen, what would you wish for?"

Anzu smiled. "You mean like if a genie gave me three wishes?" She clapped her hands. "Let's see, well, I'd wish this whole mess with Shadi was safely over and done with, and I guess I'd have to wish for world peace next, right?"

"I guess," Mokuba echoed, although world peace wouldn't have made the top ten on his list.

"But the last wish would be just for me." Anzu shut her eyes. "I wish to become the best dancer and perform all over the world!" Anzu spun around. "Okay, your turn!"

"I wish my brother was happy. I wish all the bad stuff had never happened," Mokuba said.

Anzu wagged a finger at him. "Remember, your third wish has to be for you."

"Oh. Right. Well, I want to work at Kaiba Corporation with my brother when I get bigger, but that's a plan, not a wish." Mokuba thought for a moment. "Me and Nisama went back to the place where the Ceremonial Duel was fought. It was so old and creepy and cool! It must have been something when everyone was alive and all."

"You want to be an archeologist?"

"That would be fun, learning about that stuff, but no, I meant it'd be cool to go back and see it all for real!"

Anzu shuddered thinking of the Memory World.

"Nisama told me once that during their duel at Alcatraz, he saw Atem and… you know… the high priest guy dueling with rocks or something. It was like Nisama was floating above them watching. Wouldn't it be amazing if we could do that for real? Like go anywhere in time, just like you'd hop on a jet and go to the U.S. or China or Germany?"

"So, your last wish is inventing time travel?"

Mokuba beamed. "Yeah!"

Anzu shook her head. "I have to give you and your brother credit. When you guys dream, the sky's the limit!"

"Yup. That's us. Go big or go home!"

Anzu laughed. "I guess it's a good thing that no one's handing out magic wands, or we'd be really dangerous!"

Mokuba chuckled. Anzu didn't notice that Mokuba's laughter started a beat late and ended a little too early.

Pegasus poured himself a glass of wine from the bottle on the sideboard in his dining room. He frowned, wondering if it was too early in the morning for so robust a red, then shrugged, took a sip and carried it out onto his balcony.

He didn't turn around, even when he heard the rustle of linen robes behind him, even though his shoulders tensed at the idea of standing with his back turned when Shadi was near.

"You no longer have the Eye." Shadi announced.

"Doesn't anyone pay social calls anymore? A pity, that." Pegasus put his wine glass down on the small Art Nouveau wrought-iron table. He went back into the dining room for the bottle, carried it out to the balcony, poured a second glass and set it on the table in front of Shadi. Pegasus sat down. "And since we're on the topic of social calls, tell me, did people just drop in uninvited whenever they felt like it in your time?"

"I don't remember," Shadi snapped.

"A second pity," Pegasus murmured.

Shadi's lip curled in a sneer. "You can't evade my questions with such petty tricks. Did you think I wouldn't know where the Eye was bestowed?"

"It's more that I don't care. I never asked you to leave it here. It isn't your business how I chose to dispose of it."

"The last time you let it out of your hands, you almost died," Shadi observed.

"On this occasion, it's more an acknowledgement I'm ready to continue living. Or was that a threat?"

"Was it pleasant to look upon Atem, knowing you could have been gazing on your beloved wife instead?" Shadi asked, moving closer to the table. He remained standing, towering over Pegasus.

Pegasus remained seated. He didn't bother looking up at Shadi. Pegasus took a sip and set his glass back down. "Not particularly, no."

"Are you aware of the risks you took in stirring my wrath? I could…"

"What? Send me to Cyndia, sooner? Do you really think that's a threat?"

"I could rip every memory of her from your mind. I could…"

Pegasus looked up and laughed. "Turn me into a soulless husk? That would be poetic justice of a sort, I suppose. But even if I forget Cyndia ever existed, I will find her again." He took another sip of wine and then pushed the unused glass closer to Shadi. "You really should try it. It's an excellent year. Yes, you could break me, just because you can. You could hurt me, thinking that'll ease your own pain. It won't, by the way. It'll gain you nothing but regrets. You insist you're living for your mission. What mission would destroying me serve beyond pettiness and spite?" Pegasus shrugged. "Either way, it's your call."

"I hadn't thought you a fool."

"Yes, you did. You expected me to be your puppet, to throw myself on your strings once more so you could watch me dance. Times change. And I don't do the macarena for just anyone."

"And your wife?"

"Is dead. And not in an afterlife you have any control over. Cyndia wasn't in Atem's Netherworld. Kaiba-boy is observant and invariably truthful. But there are infinite dimensions. Knowing that she's out there, that we'll be reunited in one of them, is enough. And even if you could do everything you'd promised, any step I took on a road of your devising would only lead me further from her."

"Remember as you live your life alone, that I offered a second chance."

"A chance at what? To become a man she'd hate, someone she'd would draw back from in fear and horror?" Pegasus chuckled. "A chance to fall so low that Seto Kaiba has the right to lecture me on morality?" Pegasus took another sip of wine. He looked at the untouched glass in front of Shadi and sighed. "They say time heals all wounds. It doesn't. But if we're lucky, it allows us to grow past them. You've walked through this world for millennia, unchanged. I pity you. Under the robes and mystical artifacts, who are you, Shadi? What do you want from your endless life?"

"To fulfill my mission," Shadi spat out.

Pegasus smiled. Shadi's anger was the first genuine emotion Pegasus had seen him reveal. Pegasus's voice gentled, even as his words remained stiletto sharp. "And who's restlessness are you trying to ease? The pharaoh's? Or your own?"

Shadi disappeared even more quietly than he'd arrived.

"Coward. You really should have tried the wine." He drained his glass and hoped that, wherever Shadi was, he'd heard Pegasus's parting shot.

For the second night, dinner at the Kaiba mansion was a quiet affair. Mokuba had asked about the production schedule. Kaiba had provided updates. He'd been uncharacteristically gentle and attentive – and every conversational thread had died within minutes. After dinner, Kaiba had escaped to his office, explaining that he had several urgent phone calls in various time zones. It might have been accurate. Atem doubted it was the truth.

Atem and Mokuba settled into the game room to await Kaiba's return. Mokuba tossed Atem a controller. Mokuba smiled his way through a couple of games, then turned to Atem and blurted out, "Do you think my brother's happy?"

"I hope so," Atem answered. "Why? Don't you?"

Mokuba sighed. He got up and changed games, then sat down and picked up his controller. As a racing game started, he asked, "Did you hate him? Back when you first met, I mean."

"What? No. Not even then." Atem narrowly avoided an oil truck, then added, "I was furious at him. That's not the same thing. When I looked at Seto, I saw someone drowning in the darkness he'd been desperate enough to let into his own heart."

"How did you know he'd survive?"

Atem smiled. "Because I also saw someone with the strength and determination to rebuild. Life is risk, and your brother's always been ready to face down anything in his way."

Mokuba frowned. Strength and determination. Those were the words everyone used. They'd shone in his brother's eyes as he'd walked forward to challenge Gozaburo to a chess match. Gozaburo had seen them too. He'd tried to twist them to his own purpose. It was one more thing that he and Nisama never talked about. Mokuba bit his lip, remembering his brother talking to both him and his avatar in their computer lab. What had his brother been trying to say?

Mokuba jumped as his car crashed into the oil truck. "Sorry. I wasn't paying attention."

"That's okay," Atem said.

Mokuba wanted to shout, "No! It isn't! Nothing is!" but he nodded instead and turned off the monitor. He tossed his controller aside and said, "I'm sick of video games."

By the time Kaiba joined them, Atem and Mokuba were seated across from each other, moving polished stones around a wooden board. Kaiba's eyes lit up. "Mancala! I forgot we had a set!"

"Do you remember when we used to play it back at the orphanage?" Mokuba asked eagerly.

Atem got up and relinquished his seat to Kaiba.

"Of course I do," Kaiba said. He smiled as he sat down facing his brother. "It was the first game I taught you, back before we started playing chess."

The word, "chess," dropped into the room, blanketing it in silence. By the time Kaiba had beaten Mokuba, it had smothered every attempt at conversation. This time Mokuba was the one to escape, wishing his brother and Atem a good night and heading up to his bedroom.

Kaiba and Atem sat down to a game of Mancala. Kaiba won. He sat in place, ignoring the end of the game, ignoring Atem's acknowledgement, staring intently and blindly at the game board. Kaiba shifted, slightly, leaning forward just far enough for his bangs to shield his eyes. It was the defeats that mattered. It was the way his life kept unraveling as if the pieces were never made to fit together. Each change, every hoped-for upgrade resulted in the same cascading failure.

Atem started to put the game pieces away. "Seto," Atem began.

Kaiba continued to stare at the board, at Atem's nimble fingers moving with such surety to put everything in place. Atem had earned Kaiba's trust. And yet, a thread of doubt, buried deep in a subroutine remained, thwarting Kaiba's best efforts to root it out and delete it. Kaiba knew he could trust Atem. He hated the way he had to keep reminding himself.

Kaiba shook his head and stood up. Atem nodded in response, unable to read Kaiba's mood. They went upstairs.

Kaiba opened the door to his bedroom. Atem went in. Kaiba paused on the threshold, then straightened and followed Atem inside. Kaiba sighed in relief as he shut the bedroom door behind them. He leaned his head against it for a moment, concentrating on feeling the oxygen filling his lungs and then exiting again, clinging to the simple rhythm of breathing.

His bedroom had come to feel like a dimension of its own, bounded by walls and windows, with himself and Atem as its sole population. And yet, this small space held something… a sense of peace, perhaps… absent in the world outside its borders.

"I should have stuck to talking to Mokuba's avatar," Kaiba said, his voice rough with the strain of holding in emotions for the past two days.

"Tell me."

"He'd pick any brother – even a fake one – over me. I don't blame him. He's right. I tried to kill him. I wouldn't want me, either."

"Did Mokuba actually say any of that?"

Kaiba frowned. "What difference does that make? It's what he meant."

"I don't believe you. Mokuba's been trying to talk to you about easy, happy things ever since then."

Kaiba snorted. It was one more thing that didn't add up. Mokuba had been extra nice, as if he was the one who had something to make up for when Kaiba had been the disappointment. "Stop trying to make me feel better," he hissed at Atem.

"Why not?" Atem shot back. "You're doing a bang-up job of making yourself feel worse."

Kaiba snorted again. The sound was quieter this time. It was as introspective as a snort could get. "I'm not giving up," he said.

Atem grinned. "To borrow an expression from your brother, 'Duh! I knew that.'"

Kaiba shook his head. "It's strange. Ever since we met, we've been headed in opposite directions. You were so driven to remember your past, you were willing to give up everything for a few scattered memories. Except for Mokuba, I'd give anything to forget mine."

"And neither worked. Your past is part of you, whether you acknowledge it or not. Gaining my memories, great a joy as it was, couldn't tell me what I wanted or even who I am." Atem walked over to Kaiba. He unbuttoned Kaiba's shirt and stroked his chest lightly. "You've always seen the part of me I've tried to hide, the person who would kill to win a duel, who valued punishment over mercy or understanding. You have no idea what it means to be seen and valued, do you? I know all the things you try to hide just as surely… vulnerability… uncertainty… and I'm glad they're a part of you."

Kaiba pushed Atem's tunic off his shoulders. He leaned down and brushed his lips along Atem's collarbone. "Sometimes I feel like there aren't just endless dimensions, but endless versions of ourselves in each one. I look at you and I still see the invincible King of Games. I see the man who walked out of my life and then back into my computer lab; I see the Atem who was in my bed last night and who'll hopefully be here tomorrow."

Atem reached up to brush Kaiba's hair off his forehead, to look into his eyes. "I see every moment from your first breath to this one, an unbroken path, as sacred as the road of battle. I once asked you which Atem you wanted. It was the wrong question. I tried to divide my life into before and after. But it's not that simple. It's why your hologram didn't work. It was on or off, yes or no. But nothing about me – or anyone – is that clear… that…"

Kaiba laughed. "That binary?"

Atem raised an eyebrow, not quite getting the joke. "Yes. We're the sum of everything that's happened – or ever will happen – to us, the sum of every decision we've made or avoided, every moment of retreat or growth. We can't cast off pieces of ourselves like a snake shedding its skin. I thought I could go to the Netherworld and leave Domino behind. I was wrong. And I'm glad to be so."

"Do you think I don't know that?" Kaiba challenged. "And you're not just wrong, you're doubly wrong. I don't want the man I dueled all those times in the past back."

Atem ran a finger down Kaiba's naked chest, then unfastened Kaiba's waistband. "You sure picked a funny time to tell me."

"I don't want the man whose first and last thoughts were of what would be best for Yugi, the man who was hollow at his core and didn't know where to find himself except in his forgotten memories. Would that man ever have made the choice to be here with me?"

Atem shook his head. "I didn't know how to make choices, not in this."

Kaiba smirked. "Exactly. And that's why I prefer Atem 2.0. I want the version of you that's learned to want me."

Atem yanked down the zipper on Kaiba's pants, then reached up and ran his hands across Kaiba's abs. "I can think of some updates I approve of as well."

They moved onto the bed. Kaiba closed his eyes and let Atem pull off his pants, then opened them to watch appreciatively as Atem stripped as well. "You're beautiful," Kaiba said huskily. "Any hologram could only be a pale imitation."

Atem lay on top of him, smiling down as brightly as if the sun god Ra had lent Atem a little of his grace. Kaiba was surprised at how this kept feeling new. Sometimes when they came together it was with the abandon of a duel… attack and parry, thrust and counter, with each clash, like the clash of their cards, building to a climax and then a shocked, exhausted silence.

And sometimes, it felt like this… sometimes it was Atem touching him as gently as if he was made of spun glass, as reverently as if he was the king of games.

"Even after everything, are you still afraid I'll shatter?" Kaiba asked, his voice a low rumble. He wasn't sure what answer he wanted.

Atem shook his head, golden stalks of hair swaying gently, tickling Kaiba's face. "A star is unbreakable, untouchable. But if I could pluck one from the sky, I'd wrap it in the softest wool, as if it was gossamer instead of the indestructible souls of the gods or an endless explosion of power and light. When the battle starts, I'll trust to your toughness, to your burning drive to win. But right now…"

Kaiba finished Atem's sentence. "We could both use a little peace."

Kaiba reached up and pulled Atem down to a kissable distance away. He let Atem brush his lips with his own, before Atem leaned down to nuzzle his neck. Kaiba's breathing quickened, out of sync with Atem's soft, almost lazy caresses. Atem continued moving down Kaiba's body at the same leisurely pace, brushing Kaiba's skin with his fingers and lips, as if he was handling the finest porcelain. Despite the building waves of desire rolling over and through him, Kaiba lay there, unmoving and content. He let himself be turned over, moaning as Atem massaged his tense muscles into pliancy. Kaiba shivered as Atem finally picked up the pace, as his fingers dug deeper.

They'd once played a game of Stop and Go. Kaiba had needed that measure of control. Tonight, he needed a different reassurance.

"Atem," he whispered. It was both a plea and an offering.

Atem retraveled Kaiba's body, more purposefully this time, focused now on bringing his rival a measure of joy. Atem paused mid-bite to smile as he collected Kaiba's whimpers, as he reveled in the involuntary trembling of Kaiba's legs, before continuing to mark Kaiba's body as if scattering rose dark petals on its alabaster surface.

Kaiba repeated Atem's name over and over, faster and faster, until it blurred into an unending wordless cry as Atem covered Kaiba's body with his own, blanketing Kaiba from the world beyond their room. Kaiba closed his eyes. He needed everything that was happening: he needed Atem to hold him, to move with him, to sink into him. He needed Atem to prove to him with both their bodies that this was real, that he was the one Atem wanted. He needed Atem to kiss him, to murmur his name as if it was a benediction, to scream it in recognition, to give it back to him, even as Atem took everything Kaiba was offering, not in payment or barter, but in union.

Atem trailed kisses across Kaiba's sweat slick back, afterwards, with a gentleness Kaiba hadn't realized he'd craved until it was given freely, an anodyne for a hurt that went deep into the soul he would have debated possessing.

.

Thanks to Bnomiko for betaing this chapter!

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I think Kaiba trusts Atem as far as he is capable of trusting anyone. But I think Kaiba's ability to trust has been severely damaged to the point where it wouldn't be an easy or a natural action. I can see Kaiba taking a deep breath, reminding himself of who Atem is and how many times he's proved himself trustworthy and then going ahead and being more open. But I also think Kaiba (and Atem) would be very aware of that hesitation.

I couldn't resist adding some more Pegasus! In addition to just finding him fun as a character to write, I think he also has a different, almost an outsider perspective here in that he is done with Millennium Items and has found a measure of peace, himself, in the idea that he'll be reunited with Cyndia but also is content to live until then.

Especially now, it's really nice to hear from people and know that people are still reading and enjoying the story.

Stay safe everyone!

SOCIAL MEDIA NOTE: I am on Tumblr, Dreamwidth and Pillowfort as Nenya85. Come check me out there!

To paraphrase Louise Rosenblatt, "A story's just ink on the page until a reader comes along to give it life." This is my way of saying that I'd really like to hear what you think. Please comment.