I'm in the Monika

by Yukatado

An ailing, middle-aged man dies full of regret and a wish to go back to Japan, where he lived before he ruined his life with various addictions. A half-Japanese girl and her family die in a car crash. She's gone, but the game needs its characters in order to be played. The man wakes up to realize he is now Doki Doki Literature Club's "villainess". Will the game demand to be played?

27. Other Places

"Other" Places

Sayori slammed the door of the Space Classroom shut and entered the commands into the console she suddenly had access to. Just as Monika had shown her, the door disconnected from the kitchen door. It freaked her out to slide it open to check after a few moments of silence only to look out into the emptiness of space. She wondered why the air hadn't been sucked out of the room, but she absentmindedly realized that there were air vents built into the door. What would happen if I walked out into the space? she wondered.

"Monnie . . ." Sayori heard Natsuki sob out her other half's name. "He killed Monnie!" She beat a tattoo on Sayori's back with her petit fists. "Why!? Why did he kill Monnie!?"

"I . . ." Sayori was having trouble even comprehending what had filled her head upon Monika's disappearance. "I'm not quite sure myself, Natchan . . ."

"And how did you even get here, Sayori-chan?!" Natsuki asked, "What exactly is this place?"

"Monika told me about . . . the game," Sayori began, "A game called Doki Doki Literature Club, that she played in her past life."

"Her what?" Natsuki asked, aghast. "What do you mean, her past life?"

"She, uh, ehehe . . . she, wow, this is hard to wrap my head around . . ." Sayori said, "Her former self lives just a couple of hours from here—apparently an alcoholic smoker who manages to die from cirrhosis and lung cancer a few years from now and then wakes up in the body of a girl named Monika about five years ago . . ."

"What in the ever-living FUCK!?" Natski balked.

"She played a game that involved all of us as characters—ehehe, a dating sim . . . well, a horror game that paraded as a dating sim . . ."

"Sayori-chan, you're spouting crazy nonsense," Natsuki said. "Nothing is explaining why your boyfriend just killed my Monnie!"

"I'm-I'm trying to get there, Natsuki! Just let me work through this!" Sayori snapped back. "You didn't just have two realities squish into a single ball and explode like a nuclear bomb in your head. I'm sorry, but I'm having a lot of trouble coping with what your girlfriend was apparently dealing with every single day for the last five years."

"Sorry, Sayori-chan . . ." Natsuki mumbled before she broke down again. "I-I didn't mean . . . I—Monnie . . ."

Sayori hugged her friend. "I know, Natchan," she sobbed, "I know. It hurts so much. I loved Moni-chan like a sister so much."

The two sobbed, taking comfort in each other's arms until no more tears would come. Eventually calming down, Sayori was the first to speak. "Moni-chan said she doesn't believe we're in the game, but we exist in a reality where the game's characters exist," she said. "The game's interface is interacting with our reality and because, in the game, the literature club's president had the power to access the console and control the game, Monnie was able to alter things, like summoning this room, and connecting it to other places."

"So that's how you got here?" Natsuki asked.

"Yeah," Sayori nodded. "Moni-chan connected this room front door to Miya-kou's kitchens, where you were, and the rear door, back there," she pointed at the door in question, "to my closet door in my room. It was a pretty big surprise when she walked out of my closet!"

"So how did Monnie know we were a separate reality? Just because we exist and happen to align with some game's characters . . . didn't you just say that Monnie's former self literally lives right over that way," Natsuki asked, pointing where she figured east would be.

"Well, she said a few things were really different . . ." Sayori explained, "Like, we go to Lewison's, but she knew it as Lawson's. We eat at Wicky-D's but she knew it as Micky-D's. We type on Morcrisift Letters, but she used Microsoft Word. Stuff like that. Also . . ."

"Also?" Natsuki asked.

"I probably shouldn't say . . ." Sayori said.

"Tell me, Sayori-chan," Natsuki said. "Anything that might help."

"Well, I don't know if this would help, but . . . Natchan . . . your girlfriend was . . . ehehe . . . shewasaman . . ."

"But . . . she . . . Monnie was the weepiest, mopiest girlie girl I've ever known! She . . . she . . . Oh my god! That's why it took her for-fucking-ever to touch me or kiss me!"

"Ehehe . . . yeah, probably . . ." Sayori speculated. "She used to be a teacher, too, so there was that holding her back as well, I imagine . . ."

"Arg! I always had to be the one to initiate everything with her and she was always so hesitant . . ." Natsuki admitted. "It makes sense, now, but . . . I wondered why I had to be the one to start stuff. HA! I bet she thought some cop was going to arrest her every time kissed!"

"Moni-chan told me she felt dirty doing anything with you until you were eighteen," Sayori said. "That reminds me, that's another difference! Your character in the game was the youngest, but you turned eighteen before Moni-chan did!"

"Did you know that we never shared a proper kiss until my eighteenth birthday?" Natsuki mused.

"Oh, you poor girl!" Sayori teased. "Hey, at least Moni-chan didn't basically forget you existed for nearly three years straight!"

"Yeah . . ." Natsuki conceded. "What can you do? Men, right?"

They shared a much needed, if short-lived laugh.

"Hey, Natchan?" Sayori ventured.

"Yeah?"

"You know Moni-chan loves you very much and it would kill her if you left her over . . ." Sayori said. "And, well, I've teased her a little once I found out, but Moni-chan will always be my dearest friend."

"Monnie is my Monnie is my Monnie," Natsuki said with utter conviction and seriousness. "She could have lived a thousand different past-lives or whatever and I'd love her all the same. I love her so much it hurt not to have her with me sometimes, and now . . . and . . . now . . ."

Silence fell between them.

". . . Ugh . . . so Moni-chan's been carrying all of this on her shoulders for years?!" Sayori suddenly said, pulling Natsuki out of her deepening sadness.

"All of what?" Natsuki asked.

"I'm looking through the script as we talk—well, not quite, it's like I'm intuiting it, like . . . like I've already read it and it's coming back to me . . ." Sayori explained. "Wow, Moni-chan was right, I do kill myself in t—"

"YOU WHAT!?" Natsuki screamed. "Don't you fucking dare! We love you so much, Sayori! You're a light in our dark world. If we lost you—"

"I know, I know!" Sayori protested, making a stop gesture with her hands. "I know. Hehe, Moni-chan said virtually the same thing . . ." she sighed and continued. "Look, it's what my character does in the game. The game resets itself, but plays out broken because I'm not there. It's why Moni-chan got me to a psychiatrist and encouraged me to go running with her—she even admitted it: she didn't want me suffering. Natchan, Moni-chan is my savior and I love her so much for it, and seeing her die like that . . ."

"Sorry . . ." Natsuki grumbled. "Just . . . please don't be cavalier about killing yourself."

"I won't," Sayori said. "Apparently Yuritchi's cutting got really bad and she ended up stabbing herself to death in front of the main character . . . and . . . Oh . . . oh god . . ."

"What?"

"Moni-chan's character . . . is . . . holy cow she's psychopathic . . ."

"The fuck are you saying about my girlfriend!?"

"Not your girlfriend, Natchan, her character, the Monika in the game," Sayori corrected. "I don't want to side with whatever's possessing my Meiji right now, but . . . I can understand a little of what he's saying now, calling her 'the psycho' . . ."

"Wh-what does . . . what does she do?" Natsuki asked, afraid of the answer.

"After the main character stares at Yuritchi's corpse for an entire weekend, Monika comes in, casually says that it's too bad, oh well, eats a cupcake you made as she erases the world—literally just deletes the whole world. She loads the main character into this Space Classroom, forces the player to write her a poem, and then talks to the player through the main character. It doesn't end until the player just deletes her character file . . ."

"So you're saying that wasn't Meiji, then, that killed Monnie?" Natsuki asked. "It was the 'main character'?"

"That's what Moni-chan told me, Sayori said. "I believe it is 'the main character' of the game, his name is ĦñÈÔà, and he—"

"Sayori, your voice just 'glitched' out. What's his name?" Natsuki said.

"That's just it. Even I can tell that I'm glitching out when I say it," Sayori said, "Because he doesn't have a name. The player is supposed to name him, and without a name, he's just a variable."

"That's so . . . freaky," Natsuki said, shuddering.

"Meiji is who the player would interact with us through, so somehow, ÎĸŨČÙ was able to take over Meiji's body," Sayori explained. "Did you notice when it was clearly Meiji holding him back to let us get away?"

"Yeah, that was . . ." Natsuki said, "Is that what that was?"

"There's one more thing . . ." Sayori said, "I—I don't think Moni-chan's dead . . . maybe . . . I don't want to get your hopes up, Natchan, but . . . her 'character file' is still there . . ."

"What's a 'character file'?" Natsuki asked.

"We each have one: you, me, Yuritchi, and Moni-chan," Sayori said, "And in the game, when I kill myself, my character file disappears, and you have to kill Monika by deleting her character file."

"So that means . . . when he said he 'sent her to Hell,' . . ." Natsuki said, for the first time feeling the tiniest inkling of hope, "it means he might have literally sent her to . . . well, some place—I hope not Hell . . ."

"Yep," Sayori said, grabbing Natsuki's hands in her own. "We might just be able to get Moni-chan back!"

o o o

I awoke to the sound of water lapping upon the shore.

I was half floating in seawater, my head anchoring me to the sand. I looked up to the sky. It was early evening indicated by the orange and red hews in the sky. I stood up and there was little more than a tiny sandbar with nothing on it. As far as I the eye could see, was little more than sparkling water, calmly glittering in the evening sun. I turned around and there was the evening sun, casting a red, scintillating reflection spreading out towards me. I spun and spun and there was that evening sun.

I was floating. How'd I get here?

I waded ashore and stood upon the fine sand.

I looked around me and saw nothing but the red glare of the evening sun.

As hunger set in, I sat down on the fine sand. And—

I was floating.

I waded ashore and stood upon the fine sand.

I looked around me and saw nothing but the red glare of the evening sun.

I was floating.

I waded ashore.

Silhouetted by the eternal evening sun, Monika stood upon the fine sand, waiting for me. "Pervert! Lolicon! Low-life scum! BODY SNATCHER!" was all she said, with that knowing, half-lidded, mocking gaze.

I lowered my face in shame, looked down at my old body, and coughed up blood.

I was floating. I lifted my head in the water and saw a chest I'd grown accustom to of the last five years, and rivulets of long, wet, coral-brown hair plastered to my body.

I waded ashore and stood upon the fine sand, alone.

I looked around me and saw nothing but the red glare of the evening sun.

o o o

Yuri swallowed, and stood up in the closet, savoring her boyfriend's panting breaths and the look of amazement and waning ecstasy in his eyes. "Was it good?" she asked.

Kouta could little more nod in affirmation. "That was . . ."

"Uhuu," she cooed, nibbling on his ear, "Now my motor's running, Kouta . . ." she said, lifting her leg up and coiling it around him, yanking his nude pelvis at her own. She continued kissing him, down his jaw and on his neck as she began rubbing herself on him.

"Yuri?" they heard Meiji call from the clubroom a couple of doors down. "Where are you? Monika and Natsuki said you'd be up here."

"When did Meiji-kun just start dropping his -chans and -sans like that?" Kouta asked, whispering to Yuri.

"I don't know," Yuri whispered back. "Damn . . . just when it was my turn . . ."

"Sorry . . ." Kouta said, shrugging his shoulders. "Wanna just stay here and hope he goes away?"

"No . . . he'll probably come looking for us," Yuri said, "Least we can do is make it look like we went to get some supplies or something."

"Alright," Kouta said, reaching down and pulling up his pants. "Let's get to the bathroom . . . we're both kind of sweaty . . . at least we can dab ourselves down with a paper towel . . ."

"Yeah . . ."

o o o

ĦñÈÔà opened the clubroom door and to go search other classrooms when Yuri and another guy came out of a classroom three doors down. The guy was carrying a box whilst he and Yuri conversed. Yuri looked down the hall towards ń²Ďº× and waved.

"Meiji-kun!" Yuri called out to him. "Sorry! Kouta and I were looking for a couple of supplies for the banner! Found it!"

Who in the hell is 'Kouta'? ĉþŌŲħ thought to himself. Anger surged at him from deep within as waves of vague memories and images of having fun with this body's good friend surfaced in his mind. A strange sort of jealousy simultaneously warred with the anger Meiji sent at him. Natsuki might be mine, but Sayori and Yuri are supposed to me mine to choose from! he thought. "I'll, uh, I'll help you with the banners, I guess."

"You must be done making the posters with Sayori-chan," Kouta said, "Did you two get those put up around the school, yet?" There was a slight edge to his voice that ÷ÚéĒų couldn't quite parse.

"Er . . . yeah . . . she decided to stay in the kitchens and help with the baking," ¶ÊŚÑĶ said. "I think she just wants to steal cupcakes when Natsuki's not looking, heheh."

"Uuu . . ." Yuri suddenly looked worried. "Natchan's gonna bite her head off if she does that . . ."

"Well, you know that dummy! Heheh!" ţ¡ŪŔõ waved it off.

Yuri quirked an eyebrow. "Did you and Sayori have a fight?"

"You're the second person to ask me that, today . . ." Ć«ĠŬÏ said. "No, we didn't. Hey . . . are you guys okay? You look a little flushed. You're not getting sick, are you?"

Yuri and Kouta looked at one another and realized that they did in fact look pretty red.

"Uuuu! D-don't worry about that, Meiji-kun!" Yuri said, playing with her hair.

"Y-yeah!" Kouta added, "We were looking for stuff in the closet and uh . . . let's just say that Yuri fell on me and I got a good look at her—"

"Don't say it!" Yuri said, slapping his arm. "Uuuu!"

"Ahahah!" úĊļę¦ laughed. "That reminds me of when I was helping get Natsuki's manga off the top shelf and she thought I was looking up her skirt!"

"You're lucky she didn't tell Monika-chan that you did, even if you didn't actually!" Kouta said, whistling, "I can't even imagine what she'd do to you if she thought you were perving on her girl! Ha!"

Ęå§ĚĴ had to clamp down hard on the urge to disabuse this 'Kouta' of the notion that his Natsuki was 'Monika's girl'. "Er . . . yeah . . . how about we get back to hanging those banners?" he said through gritted teeth.

o o o

I was floating.

I waded ashore and stood before a free-standing door. I vaguely recognized it. I gently opened the door. Despite knowing what I would see, I was still shocked and jumped back upon seeing Sayori hanging from . . . I collapsed to my knees. This was no game CG. This was Sayori, just hanging there, lifeless. Dried blood coated her fingers.

She looked at me. "Nothing you did ever helped me," she hissed, "You caused this! You did this to me!"

I was floating.

I waded ashore and stood upon the fine sand.

I looked around me and saw nothing but the red glare of the evening sun.

o o o

"So when Monnie was the president of the literature club, she had access to the console," Natsuki asked, "but you could see it, and these so-called object-codes?"

"Right," Sayori said, "Moni-chan said it's likely either because I was the vice-president, or because I became the president in act four of the game."

"So . . . she knew my dad . . ." Natsuki couldn't finish the sentence.

"She did," Sayori confirmed. "She knew I'd kill myself and that I was severely depressed. She knew your dad hurt you. And she knew that Yuri would start cutting . . . she said that Yuri's cutting was her greatest failing in this reality: she thought she'd made a life for Yuri where she wouldn't resort to it . . . so when she did, anyway, it really ate her up inside."

Natsuki furrowed her brows and stared at the floor. She was sitting on the chair labeled Moni-Chair-1 with her hands balled into little fists on her knees. After a few minutes, she finally looked up and said, "We have to get that monster out of Meiji-kun, and get my Monnie back."

"That's the spirit, Natchan!" Sayori said, pumping her fist.

"And . . ." Natsuki added.

"And?" Sayori asked. "What else?"

"We need to do something about ÂťÏĒ¿'s ability to beguile my heart and . . . mess with my body," she said, blushing a little at the last part.

"What do you mean, Natchan?" Sayori asked. "What's he doing to control you? Did he touch you?!"

"N-no! He didn't . . . touch me . . . but . . . ngh," Natsuki said. "He . . . he starts spouting . . . ngh . . . I hate to say it, but . . . he spouts the most beautiful poetry I'd ever heard and it just . . . it just wrecks my heart and surged straight to my . . ." she looked down to her crotch and squeezed her legs together, squirming in embarrassment. "I don't understand it! Monnies poetry was so beautiful to me. It was so loving and set my heart on fire, but ŊğÖáØ could rattle off a couple short verses that . . . made my heart swoon and practically made me cum."

Sayori looked troubled and began looking through . . . something . . . and then stopped. She looked at Natsuki and took a deep breath.

"Natchan . . ." she began, "I'm going to say twenty random words, and you tell me what you hear . . . okay?"

"Ooookaaay . . ." Natsuki said, dubious of the relevance of this.

"Vanilla, Skipping, Parfait, Kiss, Fantasy," Sayori said, as if she were reading off a list. Her eyes even looked like it. "Boop, Bunny, Giggle, Lollipop, Playground, Spinning, Whistle, Sticky, Poof, Marshmallow, Hair, Candy, Blanket, Email, Kawaii."

She stopped and looked at Natsuki as the girl groaned. She'd double over, with one hand jammed between her legs and another clutching at her heart. She moaned in a sexual way as she looked up at Sayori and Sayori could practiacally see bright pink hearts in her eyes.

"Sayori-chan . . . that was . . . that was so beautiful . . . where did you learn how to speak so directly to my heart like . . . like . . . WHAT THE FUCK!?" Natsuki screamed as the surge of love she suddenly felt for Sayori faded away. "Sayori-chan, what the fuck did you just do to me?!"

"I said twenty random words, Natchan," Sayori answered. "Well, not exactly random, per se . . . there's a list of words that the game lets the player choose and from to get your route in the game. What did you actually hear, Natchan?"

"I swear I heard one of the most beautiful poems, literally ever," Natsuki said, hyperventilating. "Is . . . is that . . . not what you just said?"

"No. I told you," Sayori said, "It's twenty random words off a list. . . if it makes you feel any better, I have a list, and so does Yuri . . . eheheh."

"How is that supposed to make me feel better?"Natsuki yelled. "The fact that ó¯÷ĖĢ could literally rape me and I'd let him isn't eased just because he can do that to you and Yuritchi, too! Do you know just how that poem felt?"

"Sorry, Natchan . . ." Sayori said, looking chastised. "I just . . ."

Natsuki let out a big sigh. "I know, Sayori-chan . . . I'm sorry I yelled at you . . ." Natsuki said. "I just feel so weak. I want to fight this ŐìŘĠû bastard but I don't know how we can do that when he can just make us go gaga for him at the drop of a hat!"

"Well," Sayori mused, "I'm going to first appoint you my 'vice-president' of the literature club, and hopefully that'll give you the ability to see what I'm doing, and then you and I can search through these menus for some clues."

Set (open paren)(quote marks)Urabe Natsuki(quote marks) Natsuki-dot-chr (closed paren) to (quote marks)literature club vice president(quote marks)—enter.

Set successful

Suddenly Natsuki felt a wave of nausea hit her as a ripple of ones and zeros spread out through the Space Classroom, coallscing into the point of Sayori's finger, and suddenly, she saw the console.

"Is-is that . . . that 'console' thing you were talking about?" Natsuki asked, reaching out and passing her finger through it.

"Yep," Sayori confirmed. "Now concentrate on this pillow, and tell me what its object code is." Sayori grabbed one of the pillows behind her on the bed.

Natsuki concentrated on it and soon a little pop-up appeared, and Natsuki read out, "it says, 'Pillow-Fluffy-for-Natchan-My-No-1'." A tear pooled at the corner of Natsuki's eye and ran down her cheek. "Monnie, you big . . .!"

Sayori embraced her dear friend. "I know, Natchan. We'll get her and my Meiji back! I swear it!"

o o o

I was floating.

I waded ashore and stood before a tall, purple-haired girl. She turned around. Her manic expression gave me pause and I backed away. "Speak friend and enter," she said.

"Mellon! Please . . . take me home . . ." I begged.

Yuri held up a huge butcher's knife. "Ahahahahah! You spoke friend, and now the knife enters!"

"Mellon! Stop!" I screamed. I tried to move to her but my feet were stuck in the wet sand of the shore and continued sinking. "Stop, Mellon! Please! YURI!"

She stabbed herself with it. Her eyes rolled up and she collapsed. I struggled mightily against the sucking sand as it—

I was floating.

I waded ashore and stood upon the fine sand. I looked around me and saw nothing but the red glare of the evening sun.

I hope everyone is enjoying my fic, I'm in the Monika. Please do leave a review. Assuming I'm not overwhelmed, I try to respond to my reviews in a timely manner. I love hearing from my readers! You all set my heart on fire.

So! A lot of revelations in this chapter! I have one, possibly two more chapters to go, depending on what it takes to get from this chapter to the final chapter, which I've already written up.

The new school year is in full swing and my work schedule went from two just-kill-me-now days and three good days to three just-kill-me-now days and two good days. Most of the week, I'm just too mentally exhausted to write. I stare at a blank screen and just nothing comes. Today, though, I was pleasantly surprised when my boss called and I was informed that my afternoon school would have no classes today, so I was allowed to just go home. Woohoo! I got another chapter done!

A little som'in'som'in for those who want to try guessing at what the final chapter will contain. YT: qdpXxGPqW-Y (For those that don't want even the slightest hint of spoilers, don't go there). I've just been listening to this song over and over and over and it's really moved me. I even learned how to play it on my violin.

Furthermore, if you have not already, please consider reading my other DDLC fic, The Music of the Soul.